Tickle (2013) Season 1 Episode 2: Hiding the Hooch
Tickle (2013) Season 1 Episode 2: Hiding the Hooch
With a load of moonshine sitting on his lawn, Tickle is a sitting duck. Now he's facing the task of transporting it to his new warehouse without alerting the law, the shine's rightful owner, or his new secretary Megan.
#tickle #moonshiner
With a load of moonshine sitting on his lawn, Tickle is a sitting duck. Now he's facing the task of transporting it to his new warehouse without alerting the law, the shine's rightful owner, or his new secretary Megan.
#tickle #moonshiner
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TVTranscript
00:00Got somebody coming behind us here.
00:03What's it look like, my old cop, or what?
00:05It looks like a pickup truck here likes me, man.
00:07This could be the guy I got this shine from, man.
00:10They say it's darkest before the dawn.
00:13Well, now, that's not always a bad thing,
00:15because I find in the light of day,
00:17you can't get away with nowhere near as much crap.
00:24They say truth can be stranger than fiction.
00:27It can also be a lot more complicated.
00:30When Tickle found a load of moonshine in the woods...
00:33Oh, it's good, too.
00:35...he decided to help himself.
00:37But his partner Tim wanted nothing to do with it.
00:39I don't want nothing to do with it.
00:41So he found himself some new partners.
00:43No!
00:44Howard and Moe.
00:46Then Tickle got some business lessons
00:48from local legend and Kenny Rogers look-alike Grandpa Bill.
00:51Get your little balny ass off of my property.
00:54Which led him to a shiny new store of his own.
00:56I like it.
00:57You do?
00:58And after some encouragement from his special lady...
01:01Get it up and get it out of here.
01:03...the boys hit the road with shine in tow.
01:05Buckle up. It's the law.
01:07But they weren't alone.
01:09Got somebody coming behind us here.
01:11They following us right now, man.
01:13I'm telling you right now.
01:14Go, Tickle.
01:15We got to shake them like a shake bag, baby.
01:20Hit the next road up here, man.
01:22Let's just see if they follow us,
01:24I mean, they're right on us.
01:26I'm going to take this one right here
01:27and see if they come back.
01:31Sweet!
01:32Yeah, they went on back.
01:33Thank God!
01:35You don't know how scared I was right there, man.
01:37Man, I done took a plug of damn leather out the seat
01:39with my ass.
01:40Man, I know it.
01:41I hope we're going back to the house, man.
01:43We're going to get this stuff back to the house.
01:45Driving around with a truck full of shine is a huge risk.
01:49Do you think your old lady's back yet?
01:51But if Dana's home...
01:53we might need to find a new star for this show.
01:58Shh!
01:59Come on, Moe, down.
02:00Keep it down, man.
02:01Keep it down.
02:02All right.
02:04Is Dana back yet?
02:06Well, I don't know.
02:07She might not be in there.
02:11There she is.
02:13She done come back.
02:14This is a rock and a horror place right here,
02:16and this is not somewhere I want to be.
02:18Your old lady's crazy as Cooter Brown.
02:21I told you to use a damn coaster!
02:26I know that.
02:27What are we going to do?
02:28I mean, really.
02:29What we're going to do is you go in there
02:30and smooth this over with her.
02:31We ain't got rid of the shine yet, though, man.
02:33So, I mean, what am I supposed to do, man?
02:35I reckon you're going to have to go in there
02:36and make sweet love to her.
02:39Light the candles, player.
02:40Cook a steak, do something.
02:42Well, I don't want to go in.
02:44Give her something to make her happy.
02:46But look, go romanticize her.
02:49Flowers, candies, chocolates, free dinners.
02:52Compliments you don't mean?
02:54That's how you please the ladies.
02:57All right.
02:58All right.
02:59Just tell her we got the crap out of here.
03:01We're going to move in.
03:02We'll be done.
03:03Yeah, we got this, man.
03:04Ain't no doubt.
03:05All right.
03:06May the Schwartz be with you, brother.
03:08I got this.
03:13Hey, baby doll.
03:16Further details of that night will stay between Dana and Tickle.
03:21Our story doesn't pick up again until the next morning.
03:33All right, girls.
03:34Time to go out.
03:42No, man.
03:44I trusted Howard and Moe with one simple job.
03:47Hide a truckload of shine as far away from my trailer as possible.
03:51But no, falling asleep on it does not count.
03:56Hey, what the hell are y'all doing here, man?
04:01Y'all supposed to get it out of here.
04:03He ain't been here long.
04:04You can't be here no longer, man.
04:06Move it around back now.
04:08Now.
04:09Sorry, bro.
04:10Come on.
04:11All this hell Tickle's raising,
04:12everyone had to lay up in the truck with Moe all night long.
04:20I felt like it was a prom date.
04:21It was horrible.
04:22Come on.
04:23I mean, we got to hide this thing.
04:24Look, we got some tarps over here, man.
04:27Why are y'all still sitting out in the yard?
04:29I left you last night.
04:30Oh, we were watching out, man.
04:32Y'all was both asleep when I got there.
04:34Moe was supposed to be on watch.
04:35That wasn't my fault.
04:36There's holes in my legs, man.
04:37I was awake.
04:38You know, we were going to hide the shine from Dana once things calmed down a little bit.
04:41But then I noticed my seat reclined.
04:45All that matters now is we get this thing covered up.
04:47We can't Dana can see all this shine in the damn car.
04:50What the hell am I going to do about a car?
04:52Well, we'll have to cross that bridge here in just a few minutes.
04:55But right now, this thing just can't be still sticking out in the open.
04:59Watch out, cousin.
05:00Hey, Lord, man.
05:01Old Christmas tree.
05:02Watch out, boy.
05:03You got any dog crap in here?
05:05Oh, well, you might have run across one or two.
05:07Oh, my...
05:12Man, this is perfect.
05:14You know, I really think we just made it worse.
05:17I'm the only person in town celebrating Christmas in July.
05:21I mean, I still ain't a whole lot better off than I was last night.
05:24It's out of the house, but...
05:25Exactly.
05:26It's nice sitting in the backyard.
05:27You know, the old lady, she ain't going to be happy about that either.
05:29She ain't never going to see this back here.
05:34Tackle!
05:35Yeah, she's not going to see this.
05:36Call Grandpa.
05:37Grandpa Bill, your buddy.
05:42All right, Tackle, just hold real still.
05:46Whoo!
05:47What are you talking about?
05:48This man, he's crazy as hell.
05:49I ain't happy about going by to see him.
05:51So this next time I go see him, y'all both come in with me.
05:56Yeah, come on, man.
05:57We're in this together.
05:58I'll ride with you to the bottom of the driveway again,
06:00but I ain't going up that phone with that crazy old man.
06:02You ride with me to the bottom of the driveway,
06:03and then we'll discuss who's talking to us.
06:06I always said I'd stick beside these guys through thick and thin.
06:09I didn't realize it would turn to petrified molasses so daggone quickly.
06:12We got to go.
06:13Oh, hell with it.
06:14We ain't got no choice.
06:16Tickle's decision to bring along some backup
06:18might be the first good choice he's made all day.
06:21Tickle, I ain't too sure about this.
06:23Look what the hell he lives in.
06:24Anybody hangs out in some establishment like this,
06:26I don't know if I can be a part of.
06:28I'm going to a daggone shed, man.
06:30Well, I mean, it's a meeting place,
06:32but, I mean, the door's locked.
06:34I don't reckon he's here.
06:36We'll just come back later.
06:37Hey!
06:39You boys lost?
06:40Uh, no.
06:41No, I just come back to talk to you, Bill.
06:44Damn, boy, you like a bad penny.
06:46Just keep showing up.
06:48Yeah.
06:49What you need this time?
06:50You know, I just come up here to see you again.
06:53Well, you're here.
06:54You're seeing me.
06:56I took your advice, and I got me a storefront,
06:58but I'm trying to figure out a way to get this stuff there
07:01without getting caught with it.
07:02Hmm.
07:03Y'all ain't got no ideas?
07:04Um.
07:05Well, what we got is dumb, dumb, and dumb.
07:07So I wonder which one of us is dumber.
07:10It's Howard.
07:12You can be like we did in Vietnam.
07:14You can put you up a smoke screen,
07:16or you ever heard of the Trojan horse?
07:18It ain't what it is, you know?
07:20Well, I understand what you're saying, I think.
07:24Man, anybody can throw a bunch of random words together
07:26and call it advice.
07:27I mean, for all I know, I can say,
07:30fill your top hat full of jelly beans
07:32like they did in the Cold War.
07:33Damn, you owe me a favor now.
07:35So I got to camouflage it some kind of way.
07:38That's a good idea.
07:39Mama taught me always respect your elders.
07:42Real good man, smart.
07:43He knows what he's talking about.
07:44Dad, he taught me don't ever contradict a man
07:46with a gun in his hand.
07:47That's all I got to say about that.
07:49I'll see what I can't do about that.
07:51I mean, you got any ideas how to camouflage it, or...
07:56I think he said his piece, brother.
07:58All right, well, look, man, it's been a pleasure.
08:00I'm gonna cut a trail.
08:01I guess we'll be seeing you, Bill.
08:02All right, don't let the door hit you in the ass
08:04when you're leaving.
08:05It isn't always easy for a man to swallow his pride
08:08and ask for help.
08:09Smoke screens, that's what we need, smoke screens.
08:11It's even harder when you don't know what the hell
08:13the person helping you is talking about.
08:15We'll figure it out, man.
08:16I'll figure it out.
08:17I figure I ain't messing with his crazy a** no more.
08:19But for Tickle's sake,
08:21he better figure it out fast.
08:23We'll just come back.
08:24Tickle went to Bill looking for help,
08:26but only got cryptic advice
08:28that left him more confused.
08:30But ever the optimist,
08:31he's decided to show the boys
08:33the only glass that's even close to half full.
08:37Tickle's Tackle.
08:38They say you shouldn't put the cart before the horse,
08:41but don't look at it this way.
08:43If you got a cart and a horse,
08:45you're doing pretty good for yourself.
08:47So who cares where you really put it?
08:51What do you think of it?
08:53Good Lord, man.
08:54Big.
08:55It's huge.
08:56Tickle, this place is awesome.
08:57I don't know how easy it is.
08:58I mean, this place looks cool, man.
08:59I like it, man.
09:00I mean, you said you was gonna get a place.
09:02It's pretty quick, too.
09:03You ain't sh** kidding.
09:04Y'all come on, check out all the rest of this.
09:06Cool, man.
09:07Y'all ain't gonna believe
09:08this storage unit we got right here, man.
09:09I can't believe the walk you gotta do here, brother.
09:11You're going through creeks and everything
09:12to get to this part.
09:13It's like a warehouse, man.
09:14♪♪♪♪♪
09:16Ha-ha!
09:17Ah!
09:18Darn, boy.
09:19Damn gymnasium.
09:20It came with the other place, man.
09:21That right there is gonna look like it's making the money
09:24for what's in this right here.
09:26Hell, yeah.
09:27It's perfect.
09:28Nobody can see in any kind of way.
09:29We got a little band up in here.
09:31Well, we don't know.
09:32We don't want to draw no attention to it.
09:33See, there you go.
09:34Okay.
09:35You know, I'm thinking about drinking
09:36in the moonshine.
09:37Loose lips.
09:38Loose lips.
09:39Owning a business takes a whole lot of hard work and sacrifice.
09:43Now, owning a fake business to hide your shine...
09:46I ain't gonna stay around this place during the day.
09:48I can't do it, man.
09:49I don't even know nothing about running a store.
09:51...even that takes more business sense
09:53than you'll find on Tickle.
09:54Mo's worked with sales before.
09:56Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
09:58Ain't no way.
09:59So you have to do paperwork, right?
10:00No, the only paperwork I got to do is on the toilet bowl.
10:02Yeah, exactly.
10:04I mean, I could sell, so I'd be about the best help I'd be.
10:06Yeah.
10:07Selling and finding.
10:10I've known Mo for a long time,
10:12and half the time, I still can't understand him.
10:15Number 7, cheap-ass double, tea, and a fry.
10:19Okay, I've got the fry, but what's the first thing?
10:21Fry, ketchup, and tea.
10:23There ain't no way he can answer the phones here at the store.
10:26Somebody's got to run this thing.
10:27It's got to look legitimate.
10:28We're about to get someone to help.
10:30Maybe somebody knows about paperwork and book work and all that,
10:33because I don't know nothing about it.
10:34How are we gonna find the right person?
10:36Run an ad.
10:37Run an ad.
10:38I can throw a little word of mouth, you know.
10:40What y'all do best is run your mouth.
10:42That's it right there.
10:44All right, so, well, who gonna hire this person?
10:46I reckon you the man, baby.
10:49Hey, you the boss.
10:50This is your place.
10:51You hire him.
10:52My dog ain't in that dress.
10:53Well, I guess maybe we can put the word out,
10:55maybe run an ad or something,
10:57and see who comes in and see what we get, right?
10:59Yeah, that's it.
11:00Y'all come on, check out all the rest of this.
11:02Cool, man.
11:07There's really not a whole lot to do in Gretna.
11:09I can throw up a help wanted sign,
11:11and people are gonna come running
11:13just as an excuse to get out of the house.
11:15I know I'm gonna be a great boss,
11:17but I'm only gonna take the best applications.
11:19Of course, being the best in a town
11:21that's only 1.1 square miles
11:23isn't really saying much.
11:25Well, let me ask you,
11:26do you have much experience with secretarial work?
11:29Not really.
11:31Not really?
11:32No.
11:33No, but I'm willing to learn.
11:34Secretarial work?
11:35Yeah.
11:36No.
11:37Bookkeeping skills or anything?
11:40Math is not my forte.
11:43I take it you don't do much typing or anything?
11:46No, I'm a pecker.
11:48Ha-ha-ha.
11:49Ha-ha.
11:50Ha-ha-ha.
11:52Have you ever committed a crime before?
11:54No.
11:55No, sir.
11:56Never?
11:58No.
11:59Not even stealing a pen from work or...
12:01I haven't worked, so I didn't have a chance to steal.
12:04Okay.
12:05Have you ever committed a crime before?
12:07Yeah.
12:08Okay.
12:09What would that be?
12:10Uh...
12:12Robbing somebody, uh...
12:14Yeah?
12:15Breaking into somebody's house.
12:18Okay.
12:19If your boss was to come to your house for dinner,
12:21what would you serve him?
12:22Spaghetti.
12:23Spaghetti?
12:24Yes.
12:25Pasta is good.
12:26Fried chicken.
12:27Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
12:28Some mashed potatoes, some gravy.
12:29Uh, steak.
12:30Steak, okay.
12:31Absolutely.
12:32Steak is good.
12:33What would you serve him?
12:34I would poison him.
12:35You would?
12:36Yeah.
12:37Well, I mean, you are interviewing for a position
12:38where I would be your boss.
12:39Well, my present boss, I don't particularly care for.
12:42Okay, all right.
12:43So...
12:44I think the interview's going well.
12:46Have you ever drank moonshine?
12:48Sure.
12:49I used to drink a little bit in the past.
12:51Yeah.
12:52But I don't drink as much as I used to.
12:53I love moonshine.
12:54You do?
12:55Yeah.
12:56Okay, that's good.
12:57My dad used to bring a jar or two home...
12:58Yeah, okay.
12:59...that we'd just sip out of.
13:00He used to be the sheriff.
13:05I'll be getting in touch with you, okay?
13:07Whoever I do hire,
13:09I think their first job's gonna be keeping
13:11all these other applicants away from my store.
13:14Have you had any experience with secretarial work?
13:17Sure.
13:18I worked retail for five years,
13:19and part of that job, I worked in the office.
13:22So there was a lot of crunching numbers,
13:24keeping things filed and organized.
13:26So that shouldn't be a problem at all.
13:27I noticed you mentioned crunching numbers there.
13:29Yeah.
13:30So if I had my own alternative bookkeeping method,
13:33that would be no problem for you.
13:35You tell me however you want it done,
13:36and I'll get it done.
13:37All right, well, that's great.
13:38Do you have any friends or relatives or anything
13:41in the police department?
13:42Um, I can't say that I do.
13:45I'm not really fond of law enforcement.
13:48I like that Megan's open to however I decide
13:51to run this place.
13:52Now I just gotta figure out how I wanna run this place.
13:55Well, I'll tell you what.
13:57Um, you have the job.
13:59I got the job.
14:00Yeah, welcome to our company.
14:01I got the job. Thank you.
14:03Congratulations.
14:04Looks like Tickle is starting
14:05to get his front of house together.
14:07Of course, that won't mean a damn thing
14:09if he can't find a way to get his real merchandise
14:12into the back.
14:14I've been thinking a whole lot
14:15about Grandpa Bill's Trojan horse advice.
14:17Seems to me you only hear about Trojans
14:19when somebody's trying to stick one thing
14:22into some other thing.
14:23Well, it's time to move all this shine,
14:25and I finally think I know where I'm gonna stick it.
14:34I reckon I'll pick his dumb-ass hitchhiker up.
14:37Hop in, man.
14:38What the hell, Bo?
14:40Just get in, man.
14:41We in the middle of the road.
14:42I'll show you.
14:43What in the heck?
14:44Look at this.
14:45That's genius right there, what that is.
14:47An inflatable monkey?
14:49Yes, that inflatable monkey is genius.
14:51You know what was genius?
14:52The invention of a toilet that flushes itself.
14:58Oh, amazing!
15:00I'm riding around with an inflatable monkey.
15:02What is the genius behind this, Tickle?
15:04You got to tell me.
15:05Remember Grandpa Bill's advice?
15:07You ever heard of the Trojan horse?
15:09Check it out, man.
15:11I figured it out.
15:12What we gonna do,
15:13we're gonna take all these pool floats,
15:15we're gonna fill them full of moonshine.
15:17Got a pump right here, man.
15:18That's what's honking my ass, is your pump.
15:20Yeah!
15:21Pumping that ass, pumping that ass.
15:24Man, I got all kinds of stuff in here.
15:26Damn Shamu, boy!
15:28I bought one of everything, you know?
15:29I don't care what it is I'm filling up,
15:31as long as I can fill the thing up, man.
15:33That's a pretty good idea, man.
15:35I've seen a bunch of inflatable
15:36cruising down the road.
15:38I think he's going to a pool party or something.
15:40He's genius, man.
15:41He is nothing but genius.
15:43What do you think?
15:44Let's get to filling them in.
15:46Let's go.
15:47Although this is silly as a monkey's ass.
15:50Silly or not,
15:51a man who's drowning will reach for anything,
15:54even an inflatable monkey.
15:57They'll let you sleep however long that next morning.
16:00Oh, damn right.
16:01When you get up, first thing she's looking at you,
16:03she's going,
16:04well, you know what you did last night, don't you?
16:06Yeah.
16:07And you're like,
16:08yes, I do!
16:09Absolutely.
16:10You're sitting there running through your mind,
16:12going, oh, hell, what did I do?
16:13Since you're so smart and you already know,
16:15you tell me then.
16:16Exactly.
16:17What do you think?
16:18If you do not remember, it is not a lie.
16:20Like Daddy said, lie to girls, son, not me.
16:23Now, Moonshiner is never more vulnerable
16:25than when he's moving his shine.
16:27That's why the number one rule
16:29is to never do anything that might draw unwanted attention.
16:37Let me get a shot of that, man.
16:39There you go.
16:40It's good stuff, ain't it?
16:41Oh, yeah.
16:44How are we supposed to be here?
16:46I don't know.
16:47I don't know.
16:48I don't know.
16:49I don't know.
16:50I don't know.
16:51I don't know.
16:52How are we supposed to be here
16:53helping us with all this, man?
16:54Oh, I'm right there pissed at him anyway, man.
16:56He done left here with all this work to do, man.
16:58Where is it?
16:59I don't know.
17:00Look, he's over there.
17:02We just thought he was on here.
17:04The drunken pastay monkey.
17:05Exactly.
17:06What are you doing, cousin?
17:07The drunken pastay monkey.
17:08That's him.
17:09Look, it looks just like him, though.
17:10Let's put some moonshine in him.
17:12That'd be just like him, wouldn't it?
17:13Exactly.
17:14We're going to make it exactly like him.
17:15I swear I'd like to give him some moonshine.
17:17Oh, yeah.
17:18Right in the tail, right?
17:19Just bend over and take it like a man.
17:21Like a monkey.
17:22Exactly.
17:23We're putting him up in a bad way.
17:25That's what you get when you don't show up.
17:27That's right.
17:28Oh.
17:29I think he likes it, though.
17:31That's the thing.
17:33You see that shit he's doing?
17:35Look at him.
17:36He got a smile on his face.
17:38Look, speaking of damn monkey.
17:40Exactly.
17:42What type of kinky shit are y'all into?
17:45We couldn't find you, so this is your replacement.
17:47This is your replacement.
17:48Howard the drunk monkey.
17:49We were just giving you a moonshine enema.
17:52Man, I take off for a few minutes.
17:54I come back, these boys are throwing a little girls pool party.
17:56Thank God I got the real plan.
17:58Really.
17:59I'm right here.
18:02What, man?
18:03Y'all got it all wrong.
18:04Trojan horse.
18:05This is right.
18:06Listen.
18:07No.
18:08I thought about this.
18:09What did old kooky man say?
18:10He said some crap about a Trojan horse.
18:11Trojan horse.
18:12What do you do, build a horse?
18:13No.
18:14We ain't got a horse, but I got a damn horse's trailer.
18:17Where'd you get a horse trailer?
18:19I called Dave up, man.
18:20He know he's got something to haul shit in.
18:23Howard finally decides to help out,
18:25but he does it by telling somebody else about the shine.
18:28You knew Dave had a trailer the whole time.
18:35Better the devil you know than the one you sleep with.
18:38Let's get the hell out of here.
18:39Damn straight.
18:42Y'all two freaks in charge of the plastic wares.
18:45Look at y'all.
18:46Y'all look like y'all canted drunk out at the party, man.
18:48It's you.
18:49Lord have mercy.
18:50I mean, really.
18:53Oh, hello there.
18:55I know y'all may have got a few good laughs off that last scene,
18:58and that's why we're all here.
19:00But while you're laughing, please remember, words can hurt.
19:04So please, think twice before you call someone a drunk monkey.
19:08No one should have to feel that pain.
19:11Let's get this thing closed on up.
19:13Damn.
19:14Hold tight, boys.
19:16Ain't no trailer complete without a horse's ass.
19:18What do you got?
19:19Only you, my man.
19:21Only you.
19:22Go on, let's cut her down.
19:23Damn.
19:24Hold on, let me check it.
19:26I don't know.
19:28It smell like a horse's ass?
19:29It smell kind of like a horse's ass.
19:31Look, we got more things to worry about.
19:33Bigger fish to fry.
19:34Let's get the hell out of here.
19:35Let's do it.
19:37Even a blind man could see through that disguise.
19:41At least Dana will be happy.
19:44I'm going to tell you, you've got to learn to read between the lines,
19:46because that's where you're messing up.
19:48Going for this ingenious idea, we wouldn't even be this far by now.
19:51We'd still be filling up little frilly things.
19:53I look at it this way, it's the first good idea he's had in his life.
19:56He's got to brag about it a little bit.
19:58That's right.
19:59Everybody's got to come up with a good idea every once in a while.
20:01Man, I'm full of good ideas.
20:03Matter of fact, here's my newest one.
20:05Koozie cup for your fishing pole.
20:07You always don't have an extra hand when you're reeling the big boy in,
20:10but you want a drink.
20:11This is the remedy right here.
20:15You set the hook.
20:16F*** it.
20:21Good Lord, man.
20:22Dang, you laid the hammer down.
20:24You're putting it down, are you?
20:25Let's just get there in one piece, man.
20:26Let's keep the trailer connected.
20:29They say 100 monkeys and 100 typewriters will eventually get you Shakespeare.
20:33But one inflatable monkey and 100 bottles of Shine
20:36can get you about 10 years in the state pen.
20:42What the hell's all that, man?
20:43Looked like a jug of Shine.
20:44I'm going to get over here to the spot right here, man.
20:46Let me get this real quick.
20:49Oh, s***.
20:50Oh, dang.
20:51What the hell, man?
20:52Jack, charge us with this s*** on the highway, dude.
20:55Let's go.
20:56Get your stuff off the road.
20:57Sorry, man.
20:59Life can be a real bumpy road.
21:01You're going to hit a lot of big potholes.
21:03And you're going to want your friends by your side.
21:05And even if they can't change a tire worth of s***,
21:08you're going to all be in it together.
21:10Where's my hair?
21:11Man, f*** your damn hair.