Tickle (2013) Season 1 Episode 10: Drinks on the House
Tickle (2013) Season 1 Episode 10: Drinks on the House
Megan makes a commercial for Tickle's Tackle to squash the growing suspicion that the store is a front for a moonshine operation. Mo's big-money dream leads Tickle and the boys to open a casino in the warehouse behind the store.
#tickle #moonshiners
Megan makes a commercial for Tickle's Tackle to squash the growing suspicion that the store is a front for a moonshine operation. Mo's big-money dream leads Tickle and the boys to open a casino in the warehouse behind the store.
#tickle #moonshiners
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TVTranscript
00:00We had a deal.
00:07We've all got to do the best we can when the cards were dealt.
00:10Sometimes you get lucky, sometimes you don't.
00:13Sometimes the guy across from you gets dealt a knife, and that's when you know life just
00:17isn't fair.
00:18Oh, my God.
00:19Hoping to buy his way out of trouble in case his shine theft catches up to him.
00:27I ain't got enough to pay for all the shine plus interest.
00:30Tickle's desperate to make money as fast as he can.
00:33First place, baby!
00:35And he finally scored big at the local racetrack, which, of course, the boys are spending responsibly.
00:42Salud.
00:43Good running, fellas.
00:44Good running.
00:45That's right.
00:46Hey, we're one step closer to our goal.
00:49Right about that.
00:50We're getting closer to being able to pay this moonshine off if we got to.
00:54Good prayer always gets answered every once in a while, man.
00:57Hell, yeah.
00:58How you shy, Tick?
00:59You?
01:00Yeah.
01:01I bet you $25, brother.
01:02You can't make that.
01:03You talking while I'm shooting.
01:04That's what's going on right there.
01:05I'm trying to win some money, brother.
01:07You got the full pocket.
01:08Funny you said that, man.
01:10I had a dream the other night that we opened up a casino.
01:14We was living large.
01:15The house always wins.
01:16Always.
01:18Roulette wheels, blackjack tables, even had the game with the cows.
01:30I don't know what it's called.
01:31Redneck bingo?
01:32Where they crap.
01:33Where they drop a deuce on the damn number, yeah.
01:35Except we was using chickens in the carriage house.
01:38What?
01:39I always have great ideas in my sleep.
01:42I almost invented the ducking in a dream one time.
01:45It was more like the pig did, but it was delicious.
01:47What do we know about a casino, man?
01:49I know a casino does this.
01:51The house always wins.
01:54Always.
01:55You might be on to something.
01:56I'm just wondering how to pull it off.
01:58We just pulled off a race, didn't we?
01:59You're right about that.
02:00That was like pulling a green string out of a cat's ass, and we did it, didn't we?
02:03Yeah, you gotta yank just right.
02:04That cat gonna turn around and tear your ass up.
02:07I say we do it, man.
02:09Why not?
02:10You're here, boys.
02:11Let's do it.
02:12One more time, man.
02:13Let's keep the dice rolling.
02:14Howard may roll snake eyes nine times out of ten,
02:17but I'd sooner bet on him than Tickles Tackle.
02:20Fish locker.
02:22Locator.
02:26Oh, kind of old high-tech, too.
02:29I've got the store to myself, and we've got a customer.
02:32Have you got a brown one of these?
02:33But this woman is asking more questions than Howard at a science conference.
02:37What color is that one? Is that one blue or brown?
02:39Here, these are hard to come by. You hardly ever find them.
02:42Whoa.
02:43He's got a lot of unusual pieces in him.
02:45Where in the world do you find all these different things?
02:50What are you doing?
02:51You've really got to look hard for those.
02:54I spend a lot of time around town.
02:56Maybe do a little something else here besides sell all this stuff.
03:02Yeah, that would be crazy in a town this size to be trying to do something like that.
03:07Yeah, it might be crazy, but then again,
03:10people go crazy sometimes.
03:14Now why in the world would people think this is a front?
03:16We've been so careful.
03:18If you're not interested in anything right now, I've got to have a business meeting here.
03:22Okay.
03:23I guess we'll talk to you later then?
03:24Okay.
03:25Thanks for coming by.
03:26All right.
03:28All right, we'll see you.
03:29All right, thank you.
03:31What's up with her?
03:32To be honest, we've had several customers this week coming in asking questions.
03:36We've got to find a way to change that.
03:38What do you suggest?
03:39I mean, why don't we do one of these cheesy car commercials?
03:43A commercial?
03:44Yeah.
03:45When you watch TV and you see a commercial for a grocery store or something,
03:49you think that's a legitimate business.
03:50Yeah, but-
03:51You're not thinking front.
03:52Who's going to be in it?
03:54I don't know.
03:55That's what we've got to figure out.
03:56You get on top of that, all right?
03:58I've got stuff to do.
04:00Get this rolling.
04:01Busy man.
04:02Yeah, I got it.
04:03Okay.
04:04See you.
04:06Hopefully, the commercial will focus on the store
04:10and not the brand new set of laws Tickle is breaking out back.
04:16We're going to line this right here with felt,
04:18and grid it out, put numbers on it.
04:20This is what we call chicken **** bingo.
04:22Chicken **** bingo?
04:24Yeah.
04:25We can't afford any of those fancy games like they got in Vegas.
04:28This damn chicken don't know what he's getting himself into.
04:30He's getting into a **** contest with other chickens, man.
04:34I don't think he cares.
04:35We're going to have to try to figure out our own ways
04:37to make sure we don't lose money.
04:39They spin the old wheel right there.
04:41Yep.
04:42I figure, you know, $20 a spin, right?
04:44Absolutely.
04:45Have something for $1, $7, maybe a free shot.
04:48$20 for a shot, I wish.
04:50Yeah, you're winning all the way around.
04:52They're going to win.
04:53They're like, oh, yeah, free shot.
04:55That's going to fill it up with something
04:56making them think they're winning.
04:57That's right.
04:58But we're still coming out to the better.
04:59I like this game.
05:00It's going to make us some money, isn't it?
05:01That's right.
05:02People are going to be drinking.
05:03Tables are going to be full.
05:05Money is going to be flowing.
05:06Dreams are coming true.
05:08Damn right.
05:09That's what we want.
05:11Just a few feet away,
05:12Bretna's biggest stars of stage and screen
05:15are hoping to land the role of a lifetime.
05:20Oh, we got customers?
05:22No.
05:23I actually just gathered up some people to come in
05:25to maybe see how they would do with being on the commercial.
05:28I've got some lines for them to say,
05:31and I just started working on yours.
05:32Okay.
05:33I just got started on it, so it's not...
05:35It's my only line here?
05:37Hi, my name is Tickle.
05:39You got that?
05:40I think I've got this one.
05:41Okay.
05:42This is my commercial for my store,
05:44and I only get one line.
05:45That's like asking Earnhardt Jr. to park your car.
05:47How about we go ahead and get you to read
05:50one or two of these lines here?
05:51I'm incredibly satisfied with certain of the products
05:54I got at your store.
05:55That was okay.
05:57Really?
05:58Tickle, your store is a nice store,
06:00and the thing I bought at your nice store
06:01was satisfying and nice.
06:03That's what you wrote.
06:04Satisfying and nice.
06:06Your customer service is excellent,
06:08and this store is definitely very legitimate and legal.
06:12I can't tell you the last time I walked out of a store
06:15and went, you know, that was the legalest store
06:17I've ever been in.
06:19That was a legitimate business.
06:21This is just, it's too generic.
06:24I mean, we really need a catchphrase, a jingle.
06:28A jingle would really do it.
06:30Doesn't Mo play the guitar?
06:32Yeah, but I never heard any song he's written.
06:35It's worth a shot.
06:36He's not doing anything else,
06:38except building an illegal casino in the warehouse.
06:41So why don't you call him up and ask him?
06:44Okay.
06:45All right.
06:46We'll see you, everybody.
06:47Megan's commercial may convince people
06:49that the tackle shop is legitimate,
06:52but I doubt it can explain this.
06:59All right.
07:00I want y'all to have fun gambling tonight.
07:03This is the place that you'll win at.
07:06And if you don't win,
07:08you'll have the damndest time you ever did lose.
07:14One more?
07:15All right.
07:16Here we go, sir.
07:17Here we go.
07:18Go!
07:19One more time!
07:20Nothing!
07:22You can always sign up for a free deal
07:24if you sign up for a free deal.
07:27You can always stop by the bar and have a drink.
07:30Drown your sorrows.
07:31Come on, keep it going!
07:33Lord, have mercy.
07:34Let's go!
07:35Yeah, yeah!
07:36Buy it all!
07:37See the man!
07:38See the man!
07:39You want five dollars or you want a shot?
07:41I want a shot.
07:42All right.
07:43There we go.
07:44There we go.
07:45If those are shots,
07:47then these must be pints.
07:49Come back and see us.
07:51The house always wins.
07:54Eager to be on the winning side
07:56before his past catches up with him,
07:58Tickles built Gretna's very first casino.
08:01Look.
08:02We're making money.
08:04A bunch of it.
08:05Mo's dream might be dead nuts.
08:07We're breaking it in, that's for sure.
08:09And now,
08:10gambling's greatest innovation since the slot machine.
08:16All right, ladies and gentlemen,
08:17we open up chicken s*** bingo.
08:21Whatever you put down on it,
08:22the first s*** that hits the board on that number,
08:25you win double your money.
08:26Who's in?
08:27All right.
08:28What you want, brother?
08:29Two?
08:30Two.
08:31Give me number eight.
08:32Number eight for you.
08:33All right.
08:34Turn it over.
08:35All right.
08:36It's about to happen.
08:37Look, they're working one out.
08:38You see the buck moving.
08:40Is that 14 or is that on a strike?
08:43What the hell does that mean
08:44if a chicken eats his own s***?
08:46House wins.
08:47Sorry.
08:48One more time.
08:49Who's in?
08:50Come on, baby.
08:51I haven't seen anyone make this much money on turds
08:53since the pooper scooper guy.
09:03Success, baby.
09:04This is the way we do it.
09:06Finally.
09:07Easy money.
09:08What do we do?
09:09Feed some chickens, let them s***.
09:10Mo, finally.
09:11Your damn chicken s*** dreams paid off.
09:13Paid off big time, Mo.
09:14I don't care what your dream,
09:15I think we give it a try.
09:16Hey, let's do it.
09:18I don't think they're ready to hear my dream
09:20about me turning Tickle's trailer
09:22into a backwards-only time machine.
09:24Someday, they'll be ready.
09:26Hell of a first night.
09:27Damn right.
09:28All right.
09:29I'll do it, man.
09:32That's the taste of success.
09:34Tickle's finally making enough money
09:36to start paying back those he's wronged,
09:39starting with the most dangerous.
09:44What have you done with it, Bob?
09:47I got me a little something.
09:49Where did you get money for that?
09:50Don't worry about it.
09:51I got you something, too.
09:53Why are you spending all this money?
09:55We're raking it in at the casino.
09:57Look.
09:58Oh, my God.
09:59It's bringing in all kinds of money.
10:01Matter of fact, here you go.
10:02A little spending cash for you, too.
10:03What are you going to do
10:04when you don't have a good night?
10:06Your house always wins, woman.
10:08Don't you know that?
10:09It's like the law or something.
10:11We all know that it's only a matter of time
10:13before I do something to piss Dane off.
10:15But if I can keep her distracted
10:16with all these fancy gifts,
10:17maybe she won't notice whatever it is
10:19that keeps pissing her off.
10:20This is too much.
10:21Don't worry about it.
10:23Take it back.
10:24It's too much money.
10:25Just wear it and enjoy it, you know?
10:28Okay.
10:29All right, thank you.
10:30You're welcome.
10:31I'm going to go set up for tonight at the casino.
10:34Maybe by the time I get back,
10:35you'll have all that stuff on, all right?
10:38You're welcome.
10:41Got my bling bling going on.
10:45Look at me.
10:47Damn, man, turning things off, dude.
10:50I can't hardly see nothing.
10:51What separates a good casino from a great casino
10:54is entertainment.
10:55You got a little dance?
10:56Hey, got a little jig.
10:58I don't care how much money I lose,
11:00as long as I get to see Penn & Teller, I'm happy.
11:03What the hell are y'all doing?
11:05We got live entertainment up here, man.
11:07Guests come in, they pay top dollar,
11:09we'll make a killing.
11:10Who's going to be the entertainment?
11:12Moe!
11:13That's the best we got.
11:14I guess whatever Moe does,
11:16it can't be as bad as the last time
11:18Howard got up on stage.
11:19My name is Howard.
11:20This is my dummy.
11:21Dummy?
11:22What do you call a dummy?
11:23At least my mama loves me.
11:25Do what?
11:26Shut up, fat ass, and just do the gig.
11:28If we can get them in here, man,
11:30I'll try my best to make them laugh.
11:32That's all we can do.
11:33This can't hurt.
11:34The worst thing we do,
11:35we just get tomatoes thrown at them,
11:37close down shop, and we're done.
11:38I might need something for my grill.
11:40I like my teeth.
11:41We'll get some nice soft rotten tomatoes.
11:43Nice.
11:44That way they don't hurt you.
11:48You know, I bought my first bow
11:50by getting up on stage and doing terrible.
11:52I took all them tomatoes,
11:53and I turned them into a delicious marinara sauce.
11:58Moe's redneck ragout.
12:00I got a few more things to tend to.
12:02All right, old buddy.
12:03I'll see y'all in a bit.
12:04We'll have everything ready when you get back.
12:06Good, good, keep busy.
12:09Well, look who finally decided to show up.
12:13I own the place.
12:14I can show up whenever I want to, you know.
12:16Well, today's the big day.
12:17We're doing a commercial.
12:19Well, that's what you're here for.
12:21Tickle can be such a diva sometimes.
12:23I'm pretty sure the only reason he's not demanding a trailer
12:26is because he lives in one.
12:28I've got this for you.
12:29I don't know.
12:30I think I'd be a little more comfortable
12:33just being myself.
12:34You know what?
12:35I think I'd be a little more comfortable just being myself.
12:38You want people to believe
12:39that this is a professional business, right?
12:41Well, look, you're filming with a coat rack
12:43in front of the camera.
12:44We might as well film this whole scene like this.
12:46This is no way for a director to treat their talent.
12:48Where's the long table with all the snacks on it
12:50you see on all those fake movie sets on real TV?
12:53What am I supposed to be?
12:54I'm like, come on down to Tickle Tackling Treasure.
12:57We got a deal for you.
12:59Is that what I'm supposed to do?
13:01Something like that?
13:02Works for me.
13:03Great, you guys are here.
13:05Thanks for coming in.
13:08Let's start with you.
13:12How much is this lamp?
13:13You're a tall fella, and I am chopping his head off.
13:16He will not be a repeat customer if you do that.
13:19Sell the business.
13:20Why don't you just make me an offer on the lamp?
13:22I'm a satisfied customer.
13:24It's a butter churn.
13:25You always like this.
13:28Tickle spends every day pretending to be a real business owner.
13:33Another satisfied customer.
13:36I know I am.
13:38You'd think he'd be good at it by now.
13:40If you're looking for treasures, I'd say we've got a few.
13:44At Tickle's Tackling Treasure, we've got it all for you.
13:49Very energetic, Tickle.
13:50All right, that's a wrap. I'll be in my trailer.
13:52Just like that, Tickle has become Gretna's very first diva.
13:57Let's hope Moe doesn't become the second.
14:02How y'all doing? All right, man.
14:04I see there's some hot chicks out here.
14:07No, no, calm down, ladies.
14:09I was talking about the chicks on the game.
14:10We need to get them a fan.
14:13The lights hitting the stage and the people cheering.
14:15Everybody winning some money?
14:18All right, we all got to go.
14:20We ain't in the business of y'all winning money.
14:22Heck, it was better than that time I was on the news.
14:24A lot of our citizens are upset about it,
14:26but most of the public just wants to be safe.
14:29We just want to let everyone know.
14:31Well, I'm going to tell y'all what, ladies and gentlemen,
14:33y'all have been great, and I hope we'll see you again.
14:36With a standing ovation like that,
14:38you'd think he told more than one joke.
14:40There you go, five, right there.
14:44I bet I'm going to make $600 in liquor sales already.
14:47Keep your dreams flowing, baby.
14:48Start wearing them games up, get them rolling.
14:50Yes, sir.
14:51I see things are a little bit easier to shuffle.
14:53All right, chips in, people, chips in.
14:55Ladies and gentlemen, I'm setting the chicks free.
14:57Running a casino is great.
14:59I just keep my shine pouring out
15:01and the sucker's money pouring in.
15:03We got a big winner, number 11.
15:05Whoo!
15:07Dealer has 16.
15:10Whoo, man got 19.
15:12Lord have mercy, he's coming in strong.
15:14Number 14, winner!
15:16Whoo!
15:19I hate chickens.
15:21The man with the 10-gallon hat wins again.
15:24$100!
15:26Look, I can feed you a whole table full of shots.
15:28I didn't scare you.
15:29You don't want to get a shot.
15:31$100!
15:33If I didn't know any better,
15:34I'd swear somebody was drawing extra zeros on that thing.
15:37Cut it down.
15:38Oh!
15:40Cut it down.
15:42Go ahead and count me all in.
15:43All in, sir.
15:44I've had a good night, and I feel like my luck's on my side.
15:47I feel you there.
15:48I'm going to have to get that one approved by the management.
15:50Go ahead and get him over here.
15:51Tickle, need to see you, sir.
15:53I'll be right back in just one minute, all right, fellas?
15:55This man's done bet the farm, brother.
15:57The house ain't got enough to cover it.
15:59We got to win sometime, just do it.
16:01Look, you can't win them all.
16:03This guy's bound to lose sometime.
16:05All right, here we go.
16:08It's the dealer's turn.
16:12Whoo, not looking bad.
16:14Time to turn the burn, ladies and gentlemen.
16:17Dealer has 20.
16:19You out?
16:20She's busted.
16:21She's gone.
16:22What about you, cowboy?
16:2821.
16:29High roller wins again.
16:31House pays double.
16:33You were late.
16:34Let me handle this.
16:35OK.
16:36I can see that you are a man that is a big bettor.
16:43You don't have enough to back my bet, do you?
16:45No, I can back the majority of it.
16:47This right here ain't nothing to laugh at.
16:49It's not a laughing matter.
16:51Absolutely nothing to laugh at here,
16:53except maybe that shirt.
17:00I go all the way to Seattle as a guy on the darn corner
17:03playing the fiddle.
17:04I done been to four bars, man.
17:05Here's 20 bucks.
17:06Play something, cuz.
17:07He's starting to feel the rhythm, ain't you?
17:09Check it out, they're just smoking out there.
17:12All these patrons are walking by, man.
17:14They're just looking at him like he's crazy.
17:15They ain't seen nothing like this before.
17:17This is Seattle, man.
17:18These people in nice dresses and heels and stuff.
17:20This is a drunk guy on the corner two-stepping.
17:22He's got his head out looking for a toaster.
17:29You don't have enough to back my bet, do you?
17:31No, I can back the majority of it.
17:33Recent events in Tickle's casino have forced him to question
17:36whether or not the house always wins.
17:39I'll tell you what I'll do, Tickle.
17:41I'll go double or nothing.
17:42What's your game?
17:45Redneck roulette?
17:47What's that?
17:51What we have here is six bottles,
17:54five containing beer,
17:56one containing mule piss.
17:59I really want to know where the mule piss come from, man.
18:03They call me the mule.
18:06You had to ask, cuz.
18:07Oh, Tickle.
18:08Drinking another man's urine,
18:10it should only be left for desperate survival situations,
18:13which I guess this is, but still, nasty.
18:17Man, you gotta figure out which one's the one,
18:19the one with mule piss,
18:20and it's gonna be the less carbonated one.
18:22It don't matter, you got the focus.
18:23Look at me, look.
18:24Look, look, look, come on, come on.
18:26See this focus? Focus, man.
18:28It's time to go ahead and get started.
18:30All right.
18:32Let's do it.
18:38First bottle up.
18:40Pinky-posing.
18:44Tickle, Tickle, Tickle, Tickle, Tickle.
18:51Ice cold beer.
18:53Good job, boss, man.
18:54Good job.
18:55Remember, be one with the beer, brother.
18:58Batter up.
19:02You got this, man.
19:03I got it, I got this.
19:04I don't heal from mountain climbing.
19:13That's cold beer.
19:18Gotcha!
19:20Told you.
19:21I've never been so terrified in my life to drink a beer.
19:25That's what I'm talking about.
19:27What kind of monster would intentionally ruin that experience?
19:30Down the hatch.
19:32Uh-oh.
19:34It's beer.
19:35Yes!
19:36Now the odds is even, look.
19:38Good job, buddy.
19:41We're down to two bottles.
19:43How's it feel to be one bottle away from losing?
19:46You just keep a hold of that hat,
19:48because you're going to need something to puke in when you drink that mule piss.
20:01Ha-ha!
20:03Come on, baby! We got it!
20:05Yes!
20:08What did I say?
20:13The house always wins.
20:15Oh, man.
20:17Don't let the door hit you where the good Lord split you.
20:19Take off.
20:20It may be years before I can pick a bottle of beer up again.
20:23Good job, Tepper.
20:24That's right.
20:25One more for the good guys.
20:30You idiot! You drank the mule piss?
20:32One of them **** swapped it out, man.
20:34I know that beer was good.
20:36Oh, ****.
20:37Let's get a real drink, man.
20:39We know what that's made of.
20:43The house always wins.
20:45But you know what?
20:46Why would I want to be the house when I'm already the man?
20:50Come on down to Tickle's Tackle & Treasure,
20:53where you'll be the most satisfied customer
20:55at a legitimate business anywhere.
20:57Anywhere.
20:58I'm a satisfied customer.
21:00If you're looking for treasure,
21:03say we got us.
21:05I'm a satisfied customer.
21:07At Tickle's Tackle & Treasure,
21:09we got it all for you.
21:11I'm extremely satisfied.
21:13Me too.