Tickle (2013) Season 1 Episode 3: Cars, Crossbows, and Corn Liquor

  • 2 weeks ago
Tickle (2013) Season 1 Episode 3: Cars, Crossbows, and Corn Liquor

Now that the shine is safely in Tickle's warehouse, the boys make a pact to keep a low profile and not flash their cash, but the pile of third-rate bric-a-brac Tickle has used to fill his shop provokes suspicion in new secretary, Megan.

#tickle #moonshiners

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TV
Transcript
00:00Go, go, go.
00:01Oh, sh--.
00:02God dang it.
00:03What the hell, man?
00:04Don't try to just lose the sh---.
00:06I got my way, dude.
00:07Let's go.
00:08Get this stuff off Jerome.
00:09Son of a man.
00:11There's no use crying over spilled milk.
00:13But I tell you what, in the end, as long
00:16as you get part of that milk where you're going, you won.
00:20Cow's the only one with sore tits.
00:21Oh!
00:26Tickles stumbled on a pile of moonshine.
00:28Oh, that's good, too.
00:29So he did what anyone would do.
00:31Check this out.
00:32He took it.
00:33What do you think about that?
00:34Unable to deal with it in his usual way.
00:37We can't drink all this.
00:38Tickle had to sneak it to his new cover store
00:40without getting caught.
00:42Tickle's idea was good.
00:44We're going to take all these pool floats
00:46and fill them full of moonshine.
00:47But Howard's was great.
00:49I got a damn horse's trailer.
00:52What the hell's all that?
00:53Looked like a jug of shine.
00:54Well, great for Howard anyway.
00:57Get it.
00:58Come on, man.
00:59Go, go, go.
01:00The whole point of the trailer was to move the shine
01:03without getting noticed.
01:04Come on, run!
01:05Now look at it.
01:06Hell, we're cleaning up the side of the road,
01:08and we ain't even been arrested yet.
01:10Let's get out of here, man.
01:12Let's roll.
01:18Tickle's road to moving his stolen shine
01:20has been a bumpy one.
01:21Now that his cargo has finally reached his new store,
01:24safe and sound,
01:26well, mostly,
01:28God dang, don't **** with me.
01:30it's time for the boys to take a moment
01:32and bask in the glow of a job well done.
01:35I'll tell you what, man,
01:37about time we got all this stuff in here.
01:39How much money you reckon all that going to add up to?
01:41Damn, 100,000 here, easy.
01:43Look, I mean, how many gallons we got?
01:45We're looking at a gallon.
01:46Man, I haven't had to do math this complicated in...
01:49well, it's been a long time.
01:51All right.
01:52Eight pieces of pizza, three of us.
01:55How many pieces of pizza do we get each?
01:58It adds up to an ass load of money.
02:00That's what it adds up to.
02:01You're damn right.
02:02Maybe we ought to cut Bill in a little bit on this end,
02:05as he got us some good advice
02:07on getting this stuff over this thing.
02:09That's what you called us.
02:10If it wasn't for him, man, we wouldn't be here.
02:12Well, we get us a last sip for a celebration,
02:14we'll head out to Grandpa Bill's.
02:16We ain't taking this with us?
02:17No, we're not taking this with us.
02:19Come on, man.
02:20Look, boys, you know what we have in common
02:22with a baked potato?
02:23What's that?
02:24We're loaded.
02:25Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
02:26The main difference is, a baked potato knows not to visit
02:29an old man who regularly points a gun at you.
02:32Look, Bill, he'll be glad to see us this time, you know.
02:35Yeah, but you got to watch out for that old coop, man.
02:38He'll sneak up on you in a heartbeat.
02:40Oh!
02:41You boys lost?
02:42Go over there and check around there,
02:44make sure he ain't over there.
02:45Hell no, I ain't going around there.
02:47You go do it.
02:49Y'all real brave, man.
02:50I lost a good pair of drawers right here last time.
02:55Probably in the barn.
02:56It's unlocked.
03:00Yeah, he's up in here.
03:02Look at her.
03:03What the hell is he doing?
03:04Is he dead?
03:05Might be asleep.
03:06Man, you ain't supposed to wake an old man sleeping, man.
03:09Hey, Bill.
03:10Hey, Bill.
03:11What the hell y'all doing in here?
03:13What is going on, Bill?
03:15Damn it, Bill.
03:16Don't kill us, man.
03:17Ruining another pair of shorts is what I'm doing now, obviously.
03:20What the hell you got a scarecrow for anyways?
03:22That's my decoy.
03:24Look, Bill, I wanted to come by and talk to you about
03:27cutting you in a little, because, you know,
03:29we're going to be rich now, man.
03:30Loaded.
03:31Nah, I'd rather go in business.
03:32That dummy right there, he's smarter than all three of y'all.
03:35Well, I mean, I was just trying to pay you back for your help.
03:39If you want to pay me back, I'll give you some free advice,
03:42and then you just leave me the hell alone.
03:44Okay, free advice, always good.
03:46What's that?
03:48Just don't flash your cash.
03:51What?
03:52Riddles.
03:53It's not a riddle.
03:54Just don't buy a bunch of s**t, you know,
03:56that people are going to realize you've got lots of money.
03:58Okay.
03:59We can handle that.
04:00Yeah.
04:01I appreciate your free advice there, Bill.
04:03Well, I appreciate it if y'all get the hell out of here
04:05and don't come back.
04:07Not a problem, Bill.
04:08Not a problem, Bill.
04:09I appreciate it, Bill.
04:11♪♪♪♪♪
04:18For real, we just don't spend no money.
04:21That's right.
04:22I mean, really.
04:23It's like the old lady says,
04:24you can look at your picture in the nudie magazine
04:26all you want to, just don't do nothing.
04:28No, I was just looking.
04:30I ain't going to be spending no money.
04:32I ain't got no problem with it.
04:33Not me either, man.
04:34I assure you, man, right now.
04:36Look, I got a great idea.
04:38Nobody buys anything unless we all approve it.
04:42That will keep our spending down.
04:44Exactly.
04:45I approve it.
04:46What do you think?
04:47Good?
04:48It's a damn good idea.
04:49100%.
04:50I think so, too.
04:51One thing's for sure.
04:52When we make a pact like this, we stick to it.
04:54Tell you what, you ain't going to be able to sink that, man.
04:56Duck on a pond.
04:57Oh, that was you buying the bill.
04:58That was you buying the bill.
05:00After making a promise and shaking on it
05:02with his two best friends,
05:03no halfway decent human being
05:05would even consider breaking his vow.
05:08Hmm.
05:09All kinds of good options there.
05:13I know we need to open the store up
05:15before we go to spending a lot of money,
05:17but sometimes you need to see the trophy
05:19before you run the race.
05:21Check on my man.
05:22What's up?
05:23Man, look at this deal we found at the house.
05:25They done left the fishing poles, man.
05:27Finders keepers.
05:28Exactly.
05:29Come on, let's go.
05:32What do you got there?
05:33Oh, nothing.
05:34Just some stuff here.
05:35Hold tight there, player.
05:36What you got going on?
05:37It ain't nothing much, man.
05:39Are we buying a boat?
05:40Ah, well.
05:41Man, I don't know what Tickle's thinking.
05:43The jugs still have road rash on them,
05:45and he's already looking at buying boats.
05:47Man, you got to learn to swim before you motorboat.
05:49Man, you can't afford no shit like this.
05:51I mean, come on, man.
05:52I ain't even switched to double fly yet.
05:54It'd be nice to have a boat like that, I mean, right?
05:57No, no, it wouldn't.
05:58That's against the...
05:59Well, look, hey, hey, hey, fellas, look.
06:01This is Megan.
06:02This is our new secretary here.
06:04Hey.
06:05Hey, I'm Howard.
06:06Howard, nice to meet you.
06:07Nice to meet you.
06:08How are you, Megan Moe?
06:09Moe, nice to meet you.
06:10Pleasure to meet you.
06:11All right.
06:12All right, so do you, like, have any paperwork
06:13you need me to fill out?
06:14Well, um, I hadn't really thought too much.
06:16And is this going to be my desk?
06:18Well, this was kind of mine, but...
06:20So you don't have a desk for me?
06:22Me and Moe don't have a desk.
06:23You know, we're just kind of getting started.
06:25Where's the phone?
06:26Do you have a phone?
06:27Oh, oh, oh, oh.
06:28No, um...
06:29What are y'all doing?
06:31I know it's only my first day,
06:33but I'm a little concerned.
06:34This is supposed to be a tackle shop,
06:36and these guys are sword fighting with their only poles.
06:39Pass the shine around.
06:41We've gained a new employee.
06:43The circle's complete.
06:44Let's drink to it.
06:45Let's drink to it.
06:46Fine with me.
06:47Ah!
06:48Make sure the young lady gets sipped.
06:49Uh, no, thank you.
06:51No?
06:52No.
06:53I don't drink.
06:54That's a little bit confusing.
06:55I mean, is that a problem?
06:56No.
06:57I guess not.
06:58I don't guess so.
06:59Have you guys taken the time
07:00to bless this new business
07:02that you're about to take on?
07:03Blessing?
07:04We just did.
07:05Yeah, we just christened the place.
07:06I think we should pray.
07:08Hold hands?
07:09Yes.
07:10I don't hold a man's hand.
07:11And pray.
07:12Not very often.
07:13You want to bow our heads?
07:14Yes.
07:15Okay.
07:16Dear Lord, we thank you for this new opportunity.
07:18Megan looks like the perfect person
07:20to help Tickle resist temptation.
07:22In your name we pray.
07:23Amen.
07:24Amen.
07:25But if she finds out what's really going on,
07:27Tickle won't have a prayer.
07:31Tickle's stolen shine is safely hidden away.
07:34And the boys have made a pact
07:36not to flash their ill-gotten cash.
07:38Nobody buys anything unless we all prove it.
07:41But his new secretary is asking a lot of questions.
07:44How am I supposed to answer calls
07:46and make calls without a phone?
07:47If he doesn't want to get caught,
07:49he'll need to start acting like a real business owner.
07:52You know, one who actually has products
07:54to sell in their store.
07:56Let's see what we got going on here.
07:58Maybe we can fill the store up with something.
08:00Got a chair right here, a rocking chair.
08:02It's an umbrella stand here.
08:04You reckon that's brass?
08:06I think so.
08:08I'm not sure what counts as treasure.
08:10Older sh-t dressed up like a clown.
08:12So I'll just fill the store with another man's trash
08:14and hope to get lucky.
08:15That's plastic.
08:16Oh, that's plastic.
08:17Yeah.
08:18That's called patina.
08:19Not many people know this.
08:20I'm actually a connoisseur of antiques and old things.
08:24I have a ton of experience with it.
08:26I would pay anywhere from $3,000
08:28to as much as $3,500 for a piece like this.
08:31What?!
08:32They call that craftsmanship?
08:34I like this shelf over here.
08:36I reckon you won't be needing none of the books
08:38for no extra reading or nothing.
08:39No, no, no.
08:40I don't really need the books.
08:42No.
08:43So you're looking at about $1.70.
08:46Okay.
08:48All right.
08:49I can't be spending that kind of money
08:50to fill a store to hide the moonshine
08:52that makes the cash that I can't flash.
08:54That's like a hole in the space-time continuum.
08:57♪♪♪♪
09:04We got to get this store filled up with something
09:06before she figures something out.
09:08Why don't we start putting arts and crafts in here?
09:12Look, don't nobody want no macaroni necklaces
09:17and stuff like that?
09:18I don't just do macaroni necklaces, dude.
09:20I got a whole lot of stuff.
09:21You ready?
09:22All right, all right.
09:23What is it?
09:24Bam!
09:25Smiley shine, dude.
09:26What, are we sunshining the little kids now?
09:28No, man, but this is a million-dollar idea right here.
09:30If I walk in, I'm like,
09:31oh, damn, I got to get three of those.
09:33Ain't trying to make money off of anything this googly had
09:36except for me after about a half a gallon of this.
09:39All right, well, then y'all got any better ideas?
09:41We could do the damn instructional hunting videos.
09:45Everybody needs to learn how to survive.
09:49When I get on a blood trail,
09:51I leave my primary weapon behind.
09:54I pull out my buck.
09:56Sometimes you'll see me reach down
09:58and pick up a little turd.
10:00Dry, it's crusty.
10:01Trail hadn't been worn for a while.
10:04I got some fresh doe urine.
10:06I know what you're saying.
10:07How does he get fresh doe urine?
10:09I got a little trick up my sleeve here.
10:11Scent trail's been laid,
10:13now it's time to kill.
10:15Now it's time to kill.
10:17What, are you going to rent it to one person?
10:19Three-night minimum?
10:20You got any better ideas, Bo?
10:21This looks like we're going to have to
10:23just kind of split up and try to figure it out.
10:26Oh, hey, Gus.
10:27Hey, Megan.
10:28Good to see you.
10:29Why don't we just start looking around,
10:30see what we can come up with.
10:31All right, man.
10:32All right.
10:33You can find almost anything in Bretna
10:35if you look hard enough or if you're not too picky.
10:38Oh, right there, right there.
10:41Sweet.
10:42I look at treasure this way.
10:45It could be something that's worth a lot of money
10:47or something that's just one of a kind.
10:49Would you like to look at this leg I've got here?
10:51One of a kind like nobody wants it,
10:53and you can get it real cheap.
10:55I mean, really, I might need an extra hand
10:57kicking somebody's butt or something.
10:59The one thing that both Howard and Mo have found...
11:02Hi, how are you?
11:03Hey, how's it going today?
11:04...is that it's a lot harder to resist temptation
11:06when the boss isn't around.
11:08Premium?
11:09Hell yeah.
11:10Let me get a bacon cheeseburger
11:12and a sweet tea, please.
11:13Would you like fries with that?
11:16Make it large, all right?
11:17All right.
11:18All right, sweet.
11:19And if you actually are the boss,
11:21it may be impossible.
11:22Hey, how you doing there?
11:23How you doing?
11:24I'm doing great.
11:25I called you about the car you got for sale.
11:27Yes, sir, this is the one.
11:28Nothing better than a Corvette.
11:30Oh, this is you, man.
11:31You can take this top out
11:32and ride with your ladies down the highway,
11:34sun shining, wind blowing in your hair.
11:39Whoo!
11:41Hey, Tickle, this sure is a nice car you got.
11:43Why don't you take me for a ride?
11:45I'll get you next, I promise.
11:46Here's a beer for you, Tickle.
11:48All right, thank you.
11:50You're the greatest, Tickle.
11:51You're the greatest, Tickle.
11:52You just got to ask yourself, am I the man?
11:55Well, I've always been the man.
11:57Flash them what you got between your legs, man.
11:59Show them you got it.
12:00It's just, it's real flashy.
12:03I really can't take it.
12:05I really can't take it.
12:11This thing does not even work.
12:16It's the last of that shelves right there, man.
12:18Thank God.
12:19What is all this?
12:20It's treasure.
12:21Treasure?
12:22It's trash.
12:23It's not trash.
12:24It looks like the side of the interstate
12:26threw up in here.
12:28Does this run?
12:29Yeah, it runs.
12:33Okay, and this boat?
12:34That is an antique boat.
12:35We got it from a marina.
12:38Little paint.
12:39It's got a place for a flag.
12:40What about these tires?
12:42What about them tires?
12:43It's not even a full set.
12:44I mean, what are the odds of all four of your tires
12:46going bad at one time?
12:49What's up with the letters?
12:50The letters, oh.
12:52All right, we got a T and an I.
12:55What are you planning on spelling?
12:57Toilet?
12:59You could technically spell that out of those letters.
13:02She got you on that one there.
13:04Check it out.
13:05Here's what we're going to do.
13:06Here's the C, all right, look.
13:07That's an O.
13:08Cut that in half.
13:09We'll darken that.
13:10Yeah, yeah.
13:11All right, the K was a little more challenging.
13:13We took an L and a T, and we got a K.
13:16There you go.
13:17You're going to spell out tickle.
13:19Yes.
13:20Is that a leg?
13:22What?
13:23Yes.
13:24Who is going to buy a leg?
13:26A man with only one leg.
13:28He'll roll right in, but he'll walk right out.
13:31That's right.
13:32Treasure is collectible, things of value,
13:35stuff sitting in Grandma's attic.
13:37Well, if Grandma don't want it, it must not be worth anything.
13:40This stuff is worth every penny we paid for it.
13:43If it makes this store look legitimate
13:45and keeps Megan from asking any more questions.
13:53Dog, I like that down room right there.
13:55That looks nice.
13:57Whoa, man, what are you doing?
13:59I'm trying to use the bathroom.
14:00Ain't you ever heard of knocking?
14:02You're just sitting in here.
14:03Well, I got to let things build up.
14:05Man, I wish I could say this is the weirdest thing
14:07I ever walked in on Mo doing.
14:14Shh.
14:15This is the only private place in the whole joint, man.
14:17I was coming in.
14:18Trying to get my private.
14:19What do you got?
14:20Just educating myself on crossbows.
14:22What the hell are you looking at?
14:23I'm just checking out these bikes, man.
14:25I got some pretty nice new bikes.
14:26Man, you know you can't be spending
14:27no money on an old bike, man.
14:28Nobody's spending no money.
14:30We ain't bought nothing yet, have you?
14:32Heck no, man.
14:33I'm just wishful thinking, man.
14:34I'm just kind of, you know, man, it's a dream, brother.
14:37Well, for it to dream, what's a man?
14:39Howard, where you at, man?
14:40I'm telling him I'm in here doing the paperwork, man.
14:43I know, just chill, man.
14:44Don't.
14:45We ain't spending no money.
14:46No, I know.
14:47Hey, boy, just using the bathroom.
14:49The pressure to spend just keeps on building,
14:52and the guys are getting desperate to relieve themselves.
14:55Can they hold on, or will they make a mess of things?
15:03We get up Top Mountain,
15:04and there's like a little beginner slope,
15:05and he's like, no, I'm not going down that.
15:07And then there's another one like diamond or something, man.
15:09I get to the bottom, stop, wait, man.
15:11I see Moe and another buddy come flying down the slope
15:14doing like 60 miles an hour.
15:15They're tough, man.
15:16But all of a sudden, you see,
15:17and a big cloud of snow.
15:19Skis flying.
15:20Skis flying.
15:22Get up the next morning and go, damn, skiing hurt.
15:24Especially when you got a fifth of liquor
15:25tucked in each side of your ski coat.
15:31Tickle and the boys swore to lay low
15:33and avoid spending their cash,
15:35even when it came to stocking their store.
15:37It's treasure.
15:38It's trash.
15:39So to keep Megan and the town
15:41from finding out about the moonshine,
15:44Tickle's hanging a sign to spell out
15:46what it is he's pretending to sell.
15:48That is so crooked.
15:50Moe, you need to raise up your side.
15:52I'm trying.
15:53If we had Howard here, it'd be a whole lot easier.
15:56I know, man.
15:57When the work's going down, he ain't to be found.
15:59They just don't know you like I know you, old friend.
16:02Goodbye.
16:06All right, let's see what we got.
16:07There it is.
16:08Oh, yeah!
16:09No!
16:10Whoo!
16:11What?
16:12Tickle's Tackle and Treasures.
16:17It's not high enough.
16:18It's high as it's gonna get.
16:20And I am too.
16:21My name on the front of the building.
16:23I think it just adds to the charm of the whole town.
16:26Don't you think?
16:29Though barely legible,
16:30with a signed up and a store filled,
16:32there's only one thing left for Tickle to do.
16:35Open it.
16:37Hi!
16:38Would you like a hot dog?
16:39Thank you very much.
16:40No problem.
16:41Great.
16:44Sir, you find everything all right?
16:45I was looking at this here chain.
16:47It looks good around your neck.
16:48All the rappers nowadays got chains like that.
16:51Whoo!
16:53Uh-oh.
16:54You could put a fly on it.
16:55You know, put a mirror on it.
16:57That would be nice.
16:58I gotta hand it to Tickle.
16:59He actually got people to come in the store.
17:01It's a good thing you can't read live bait on our sign, though,
17:04because we don't have any.
17:06What's up, cuz?
17:07How you doing, man?
17:08You done bought something?
17:09All right, look here what I got, buddy.
17:11I know we made a pact not to spend any money,
17:13but there was a bit of an incident.
17:16Oh, Gus, what you doing, baby?
17:19Let's see.
17:21Huh?
17:22I got the holy grails of damn Crossroads, brother.
17:25Oh, you kidding me?
17:26What are you talking about?
17:27You can't show nothing better than that.
17:28Oh, I can't?
17:29Vintage Gibson, baby.
17:3161.
17:32But that 10-point right there,
17:33what are you gonna do, some killing and some grilling, baby?
17:35I'm gonna do some killing, brother.
17:36What's going on, fellas?
17:38Hey, Tickle, what's happening, buddy?
17:39What do you got there?
17:40Bo got a little something to make music with.
17:42I see that.
17:43Looks expensive.
17:44Hummingbird.
17:45Boy, it's very expensive.
17:46Look at it.
17:47We got something to hunt with now,
17:48but we're not supposed to be flashing cash and stuff,
17:51so, I mean, what are y'all doing?
17:53I can't believe these guys broke our pact.
17:55Nothing is sacred anymore.
17:57Everybody knows you can't afford that on a regular basis.
18:00That either.
18:05It's top-notch quality.
18:06I'm ready to go hunting.
18:07Who would buy a crossbow with no bolts, man?
18:10Look at you.
18:11I mean, what are you,
18:12playing on getting on the Grand Ole Opry?
18:13Damn right, Bo.
18:14Absolutely right.
18:15You know, I can't see none of this happening.
18:17You ain't gonna be a good hunter,
18:18and you ain't singing no country music.
18:20God.
18:21I mean, really.
18:22You're killing dreams, ain't you?
18:26What are y'all doing?
18:27How you doing, sir?
18:28Showing their new toys off.
18:29New toys.
18:30I see a nice Corvette sitting outside.
18:32What's up with that?
18:35I don't know.
18:36I don't know.
18:38I really can't take it.
18:40I just can't.
18:43But I'll take it.
18:46That's actually mine.
18:47You here to tell me you're giving us
18:49about a damn crossbow and a guitar,
18:52and you got a car?
18:53I mean, is this new too fancy?
18:55No, it is not new.
18:57It's shattered like new money.
18:58I mean, to tell you, you got that glow.
19:00Ain't none of you got no...
19:02Them boys are gonna catch up to you.
19:04This is the proof right here.
19:05They're gonna shove that guitar up his ass.
19:07They're gonna bury you in that damn Corvette.
19:10I don't know what the hell they're gonna do
19:11with that crossbow.
19:12But ain't none of it good.
19:14Here's what we'll do.
19:15We'll put this stuff on the back burner,
19:16kind of keep it here for a little bit.
19:18Once we done run this business a little while,
19:20then we can slowly break some of this stuff out.
19:23But can't be getting nothing else.
19:25I'm glad Bill set us straight
19:27before all this showing off
19:29got us into some real big trouble.
19:31Hi. Can I help you?
19:33No, I'm good.
19:34Can I help you?
19:35Are you sure I can help you?
19:36Yeah, let me just talk to this fellow right here.
19:38Um, Tickle?
19:39I need to talk to you for a minute.
19:40All right, yeah.
19:41Let's go back here.
19:43So what are you talking about now?
19:45I hear you got some product.
19:49Where are you hearing this?
19:51Word on the street is you got moonshine to get rid of,
19:54and I'm the man to get rid of it for you.
19:56Okay, all right.
19:58So you're looking to buy something.
20:00Exactly.
20:01Well, I tell you, that's a load off my mind.
20:04I really didn't want to get in a fight in my new jacket.
20:08Well, I tell you right now,
20:10it's gonna be about $50 a gallon.
20:12Well, we'll have to see.
20:13Well, this is some of the finest shine
20:15you're gonna come across.
20:16It's worth easily $70 a gallon.
20:18Easily.
20:19I've got samples in the back.
20:20I'll show it to you right now.
20:22How do you even know about this?
20:24I am not stupid, Tickle.
20:26Tickle, man, I just stacked the moonshine up, dude,
20:29and it's everywhere.
20:31You take care of the customers out here.
20:33I'll handle this.
20:34Yeah, I'll get some samples.
20:35We'll see what can't work out.
20:36Am I worried that Megan knows about this shine?
20:39No, not a bit.
20:41To be honest, it's been part of my plan this whole time.
20:46It's some messy folks around here, cousin.
20:49Ain't no Lila can't keep his goddamn man tight.
20:52I got for this, so I'm good.
20:54That's one way to do it.
20:55Damn, boy.
20:56Megan, you can give us a hand today.
20:58I'm counting the moonshine money, thank you very much.
21:01That means we got to give her a damn cut.
21:03Running a business is going to be a lot of hard work,
21:06but I got a lot of good people to share the load.
21:09We're all working hard to get people loaded,
21:12so what could be better than that?
21:14Yeah, start something beautiful right here.

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