Nineties Eastenders pt.1 (31st March 1997)

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Nineties Eastenders pt.1 (31st March 1997)
Transcript
00:00Mum, I came straight from work.
00:20Right.
00:21Mummy's face.
00:22I know.
00:23Where is he?
00:24There's no change.
00:26Every so often somebody comes and checks on him, you know, the nurses and that.
00:27Alan.
00:28Hi, babe.
00:29Here.
00:30Thanks.
00:31Do you want something to eat?
00:32No, I'm fine, thanks.
00:33Are you sure?
00:34Mm.
00:35And should I, you know?
00:36Maybe later.
00:37OK.
00:38Mum.
00:39Mum.
00:40Mum.
00:41Mum.
00:42Mum.
00:43Mum.
00:44Mum.
00:45Mum.
00:46Mum.
00:47Mum.
00:48Mum.
00:49Mum.
00:50Mum.
00:51Mum.
00:52Mum.
00:53Mum.
00:55That's not her.
01:04Are you sure?
01:05You're pulling some tart off the streets and you ask me if that's my daughter?
01:10Thank you for your time, sir.
01:12That'll be all.
01:15What sort of a girl do you think my daughter is?
01:17We don't need to detain you any further, sir.
01:18Come on, Dad, let's go home.
01:19My daughter goes missing and you waste my time with that piece of...
01:23So if that's not Sarah in there, where is she?
01:25Dad, let's go.
01:26Where's Sarah? Tell me that!
01:27Where's my daughter?
01:39What do you think you're doing?
01:41You shouldn't be here.
01:43This is my spot.
01:44I just wanted to sit down.
01:46Yeah, we're not here yet, are we?
01:47You know what's so special about this place?
01:49I mean, you can't go and find somewhere else.
01:51Hey, are you getting lit with me?
01:53No, I just...
01:54Look, I told you once.
01:55Get out.
01:57Get out!
02:01Unless you want to stay for some sort of particular reason.
02:07What are you doing in there?
02:09That was my head.
02:10Good luck if the bottle wasn't made of glass.
02:12What's going on, Jimmy?
02:13She's in my spot.
02:15I didn't mean to be.
02:16I didn't even know, honest.
02:17No one goes in my spot.
02:19Nobody smaller than you, you mean?
02:21Look, it's mine, all right?
02:22Yeah, you.
02:23You can sod off and pick on somebody your own size.
02:27I'm going to shiver.
02:29Because I'm telling you to.
02:37You OK?
02:38Yeah, I think so.
02:40I'm Lisa.
02:43Sarah.
02:44Let's get out of here.
02:46Only Jimmy would think this armpit was worth fighting over.
02:50All I'm saying is, none of this has been easy on Joe.
02:52You know, Sarah going missing the police and everything.
02:55He's really upset about it.
02:56But he's fine now. I mean, he's better.
02:58You don't have to protect him.
02:59Oh, I don't know.
03:00If I told him all that happened to Robbie, I don't know what he'd do.
03:02He won't do anything. Why should he?
03:04Look, Ted gave Robbie a good smack.
03:05He had it coming. I think you're overreacting.
03:07I'm what?
03:08It's done. I don't want to talk about it.
03:09No, I bet you don't.
03:10Using your fists and boots is more effective, isn't it?
03:13Just leave it, Lorraine. I'm telling you.
03:14You just don't see it, do you?
03:16You think giving somebody a good smack is OK, don't you?
03:20If they've done something wrong, yeah.
03:21And it doesn't matter who it is?
03:23No.
03:23If they've got it coming, you're going to give it to them?
03:25That's right.
03:26And what if it was me?
03:28Oh, I'm going. I need some fresh air.
03:30Lorraine, come back!
03:32Oh, Walt!
03:35Is that all you've got?
03:37Yeah.
03:38No clothes, no valuables, nothing?
03:40Only just this.
03:41I bet you left. You left in a hurry, didn't you?
03:44What happened? Boyfriend knock you up, did he?
03:47Or did your dad slap you around?
03:49Or your dad knocked you up?
03:51Of course not.
03:52It happens.
03:53Yeah, I suppose.
03:55Believe me.
03:59You know, it's funny.
04:01I used to think I could make a difference.
04:03Sorry?
04:04You know, help.
04:08You reckon? What made you think that?
04:11I don't know. I just thought...
04:12You can't do anything. Don't waste your time.
04:15You really think so?
04:16I know.
04:18Listen, you can't be one of those sad types
04:21who think everything would be comfy and safe and cosy
04:24if only we'd learn to be nicer to each other.
04:26You won't get anywhere if you think like that.
04:29Isn't there anybody you can call?
04:31No.
04:32No friends, nothing?
04:36There is someone, but...
04:38but it's hard. He's...
04:40I don't really want to, you know, upset him.
04:43Yeah. I can see it's not like an emergency or anything.
04:48You hungry?
04:49I'm starving.
04:50Right.
04:52Well, we'd better get some food then, haven't we?
04:54I haven't got any money, just a few coins.
04:57Sue!
05:00Right, I'll be off then, shall I?
05:02Do whatever you want.
05:03Is there anything I can get you?
05:04Nope.
05:06Right, then.
05:07Think all this is my fault, don't you?
05:08Let's not get this, Dad.
05:10You do, don't you?
05:10Dad!
05:11Come on, what's the matter? It's what you think.
05:13This isn't helping, is it?
05:14Go on, say it.
05:15If I'd have been a better father, Sarah wouldn't have run away.
05:17You don't know that.
05:18Say it. Say the words.
05:19I'm not going to fight with you.
05:20Say it, dammit!
05:23What's the matter with you?
05:24Why don't you stand up to me?
05:26Just for once, be a man.
05:27A man?
05:28Is that what you were being when you threw Robbie down the stairs?
05:31Now we're getting.
05:32That's your idea of being a good father, is it?
05:33That rat-faced git raped my daughter.
05:35Might have.
05:36You don't know that, but why wait to find out?
05:38Nobody harms my kids.
05:40Oh, look again, Dad.
05:41What do you mean?
05:41Sarah, me.
05:43You've done more harm than anybody.
05:45All my life, when something good come along,
05:47it was always, what will Dad do when he finds out?
05:49You spoil everything.
05:52Do I wish Sarah had come to you instead of running away?
05:55Well, of course I do.
05:56I don't want her out there lost.
05:58But am I surprised she didn't?
05:59Uh-uh.
06:00Because I know right now, she'd rather be anywhere than be with you.
06:04She knows you.
06:05She knew what you do.
06:06Just make things worse.
06:07You always have that.
06:09I don't know what he did to you.
06:27Mum.
06:29What is it, love?
06:31I've got a lousy headache.
06:33A lousy headache.
06:38I worked hard to raise you.
06:40And Sarah.
06:42On my own.
06:43I had a business to run.
06:45And kids to raise, and it was hard.
06:48But I did it the best I could.
06:49I raised you the best I could.
06:51And when it was time to let you go, I did.
06:54And that was the hardest of all.
06:57What do you do?
06:58You deal in drugs.
07:00You knock up some barmaid and then shack up with another bloke.
07:02That's for Sarah.
07:03It's our lives.
07:04Ours.
07:05Not yours to give.
07:07I'm not surprised Sarah didn't come to you.
07:09She don't know who you are.
07:10You're a stranger.
07:11I'm her father and I love her.
07:13Do you?
07:14And how can she know that?
07:16Because you got Robbie for her.
07:20I'm sorry, Dad.
07:21It just don't work like that.
07:24Go on then.
07:25Off you go.
07:27OK, just go in.
07:28Pack up the stuff and walk out.
07:30Just like you paid for it.
07:31It's simple.
07:33What are you doing?
07:34They know me in there.
07:35They'll be on the guard if they see me.
07:37OK.
07:40Hey!
07:41You better give me your coat and bag.
07:43Why?
07:44Because if something does go wrong, you're going to want to run.
07:47And there's no way you can run wearing that thing.
07:50Come on.
07:51You'll be fine.
07:53OK, I'm going.
08:01I'm going.
08:02OK.
08:31Lisa?
09:01Lisa?
09:31Oh!
09:32Sorry.
09:33Is everything all right?
09:34Yes, fine.
09:35I'm fine.
09:36Wait a minute.
09:37You look like you could do with some help.
09:38No.
09:39How about some food?
09:40I told you, I'm OK.
09:41Look, there's a place next door where you can get some.
09:42It's warm.
09:43No.
09:44Sorry.
09:45I must go.
09:46Look, my name's Alex.
09:47Don't.
09:48Please.
09:49Please.
09:50Please.
09:51Please.
09:52Please.
09:53Please.
09:54Please.
09:55Please.
09:56Please.
09:57Please.
09:58Please.
09:59Please.
10:00But you mustn't.
10:01I don't want your help.
10:03But you must've come in here for a reason.
10:06I can't.
10:07Just don't make me.
10:10What is it?
10:11Tell me.
10:16I came to pray.
10:20But when I tried...
10:22there was nothing.
10:24Just nothing.
10:27Empty.
10:30When was the last time you had something to eat?
10:32Look, you're wasting your time.
10:33Oh, come on, let's get you sorted out, shall we?
10:47I thought you'd be in a bit, giving a good fine or anything.
10:50Nothing like a major religious festival for people wanting to get a few beers down their neck.
10:55You all right?
10:56What is it? Is it Joe or something?
10:58No, Joe's fine.
10:59What then?
11:00Oh, I don't know. It's all this business with Ted and Robbie.
11:02I mean, how could he do that? What is he, an animal?
11:05You mustn't judge Ted too much. I mean, if Robbie did do that to Sarah...
11:08If? That's the point now, isn't it?
11:11But it doesn't matter now, because Judge Ted has decided he's jury and executioner too.
11:15Yeah, I know, but she is his daughter, Lorraine.
11:17Well, that doesn't give him the right to do that.
11:19No, not the right, no, but...
11:20Well, you wouldn't behave like that, would you?
11:23I remember what it felt like, what I felt like, when I found out that Debbie's first husband had knocked her about.
11:29I wanted to... I wanted him to hurt.
11:34And now, with Claire, if somebody had... I'd just go for them and... well, you know.
11:38You'd do that?
11:39Yeah, if it was Claire or someone I really cared about.
11:45Whatever Ted did, he did because of Sarah.
11:47And it's complicated, because up the air says it's wrong, but in the air says I'm not so sure.
11:55Maybe.
11:56Do not judge a man until you've walked a mile in his shoes.
12:00That's good, who told you that?
12:02Read it in a fortune cookie.
12:05There you go, fresh from the packet.
12:09In a couple of hours when we open up, this place will be heaving.
12:12Enjoy the peace while you can.
12:15Better?
12:17Comfort food, I swear by it.
12:19If you're down, get yourself on the outside of some scotch broth, it never fails.
12:26Have you ever heard of the Wolfer Christian Fellowship?
12:29From time to time.
12:30Do you know Alistair?
12:31Alistair?
12:32Alistair Matthews. He, like, runs it.
12:35Yeah, I've heard of him. Were you part of the fellowship then?
12:39Yeah. Yeah, I was.
12:42When I first met Alistair, I was doing... some stupid things.
12:47And he seemed so... well, he seemed to know the answers.
12:52To know what was needed.
12:55Needed?
12:56To put a stop to all the mess everything's in.
12:59The drugs, the crime.
13:01Chaos, he called it. Ungodly chaos. Do you know what I mean?
13:05Yeah. I've met people like that.
13:07And I wanted to be a part of it.
13:10And for a while, it... it gave me a purpose.
13:13I felt good.
13:15I don't think Dad really understood, but I didn't really care.
13:18All that mattered was pleasing Alistair.
13:21And for a while, he was pleased.
13:25And I felt like I... belonged, I suppose.
13:29But then...
13:34there were certain things that Alistair said
13:37that I didn't think were very...
13:40Well, I didn't think they were, you know, loving or understanding.
13:45Like with Tony.
13:46Tony?
13:47My brother. You see, he's...
13:50Well, it's been really difficult for him, but he's...
13:56He sort of lives with another bloke.
13:59You mean he's gay?
14:00Yeah.
14:01And what did Alistair say?
14:03He said that Tony would be damned.
14:05He did, did he?
14:06I mean, how could he be like that about Tony, especially when he...
14:09when he cheated and lied to all of us?
14:12I believed in him. Do you see?
14:15I believed in what he said.
14:17I did everything for him.
14:19And when I went to him for help, for the truth...
14:24and he told me that I would go to hell.
14:26Me.
14:27I mean, he was no better. He was like one rule for him and another for us.
14:31Why would he say something like that to you?
14:37I told him...
14:39about this bloke, Robbie.
14:42Lives in the square.
14:44And I...
14:47Well, we...
14:50We...
14:51You had sex?
14:52It was awful.
14:54Oh, there you are. It's nearly 25 past.
14:56I know, I know. I'm busy right now.
14:58Well, there's a lot to do.
14:59I'm busy.
15:02I should go.
15:03No, don't. Not yet.
15:06So do you...
15:07Do you think I'm a terrible person?
15:09No, Sarah, you're not terrible.
15:11So why did Alistair...
15:13I mean, I thought that through him,
15:15I mean, I thought that through him that I would find God.
15:18But I was wrong.
15:20He isn't there.
15:22And he doesn't exist.
15:24It's OK.
15:29I want to believe.
15:31But I can't.
15:33How can I when all around is just...
15:35lies and pain and sorrow?
15:41Where is my God?
15:44Tell me that.
15:46Where is he?
15:50Dad?
15:54Haven't you said enough for one day?
15:56I was thinking I've probably said too much.
15:58Can I?
16:04We're going to have to figure a way to get through this, you know.
16:06Without tearing chunks off each other.
16:10I know you just want to look out for us.
16:12We need to lighten up a bit.
16:15Oh, God, what have I done?
16:17I used to ride with Dad.
16:19I was stealing stuff.
16:21And I felt like no-one really knew what it was like to be me, you know?
16:25What I was thinking, feeling.
16:30I met Alistair.
16:33And what he said made sense.
16:37I felt good.
16:39I felt understood.
16:42And I believed in him, do you see?
16:44Now I feel like I've been betrayed.
16:46I mean, what if it's all a lie?
16:48What are you looking for, Sarah?
16:51I don't know.
16:53Do you want me to tell you it's not a lie?
16:55Yeah.
16:57I won't.
16:59I can't.
17:01You see, I don't know the answers.
17:03But I do believe the answers are there somewhere.
17:05That's my faith, mine.
17:07So I'm not going to tell you what to believe.
17:09It's not something you bolt on like a new wing mirror to help you see things better.
17:11It has to be yours.
17:13It has to come from inside, from you.
17:15But how can it?
17:17I mean, how can I have faith when I don't even know God is there anymore?
17:21Yeah.
17:23Thanks.
17:25This isn't just about Ted, is it?
17:27No, it isn't.
17:29Well, everything's black and white for Grant.
17:31Straightforward, always has been.
17:33He doesn't spend time analysing.
17:35He just acts.
17:38I used to kid myself that at least we were safe.
17:42That he'd protect us, his friends, his family.
17:44We were on the inside.
17:46We could hide behind him.
17:48It's a nice feeling.
17:50But it's not like that, is it?
17:52He'll lash out at anything if he thinks he's under attack.
17:54It don't matter who.
17:56It could just as easily be any one of us if we step out of line.
18:00You know, I saw him nearly hit Tiffany once.
18:04And I asked him today if he'd ever hit me.
18:06What did he say?
18:08He couldn't answer.
18:10No, it's different with you.
18:12Do you really think so?
18:14We have a few regulars who come to the refuge.
18:16I remember one of them, William.
18:18He was always getting into trouble.
18:20He drank, was always getting into fights, that sort of thing.
18:22And a couple of years ago,
18:24he began to sort himself out.
18:26He stopped drinking, cleaned up his acts.
18:30One night he was mugged.
18:32He could only have had a few quid.
18:35They beat him up so badly,
18:37he died on the pavement before the ambulance could reach him.
18:41Next night, there were bouquets tied to trees.
18:43Hand-picked flowers laid on the ground.
18:45It was beautiful.
18:47There were two kids there.
18:49Not very old.
18:51They'd come to pay their respects.
18:53And when they see who I was,
18:55they ask why William had died.
18:57You know what?
18:59I had no idea what to say.
19:01I didn't have the words.
19:03I felt empty and alone.
19:05So we just stood there in silence.
19:09Then one of them reached into his pocket and took out a knife.
19:12He looked at me.
19:14He just threw it away into the bushes.
19:16His friend looked at me too,
19:18nodded once like he was thanking me,
19:20and they just walked off into the night.
19:22I've never seen him again.
19:24Do you want to know where God is, Sarah?
19:28I think he was in those flowers.
19:30He was there when that boy threw away his knife.
19:33He's...
19:35He's in a gap between what is said and unsaid.
19:37Between thinking and doing.
19:39He's in the pauses, he's in the gestures,
19:41he's in your instincts, Sarah, he's in your heart.
19:45What if I look for him?
19:47I look.
19:49And I listen.
19:53And there's nothing there.
19:57Hiya.
19:59Hi.
20:02Are you busy?
20:04Like you wouldn't believe.
20:06You could probably do with some help then, eh?
20:08Look, Lorraine. Don't.
20:10I just want to explain. You can't.
20:12I just want to say one thing.
20:14I'm here with you because I want to be.
20:16Because I care about you.
20:18But if you ever, ever raise your hand to me,
20:20I'll leave you.
20:22No second chances.
20:24I'll be gone. Is that understood?
20:28OK.
20:30Right, well, let's get Peggy on then, eh?
20:39Hello?
20:41Hi. Excuse me.
20:43No, no, I'm fine.
20:45Really?
20:47Will you come and meet me?
20:49So how's things with Alan? Alan?
20:51Yeah, tall bloke, works in the cafe nights, used to live with you.
20:53So what's going on?
20:55What do you mean? Oh, come on, Mum.
20:57Well, we'll see. I mean, right now I want to concentrate on lovely.
20:59Well, these two are getting on better, aren't you?
21:01Let's just take it one step at a time, shall we?
21:03Yeah, I know, but I thought if you two are getting back together...
21:05Oh, this is really hot.
21:07Come on, let's get Peggy on, she'll be wondering what's happened to us.
21:13Hi. Hi.
21:15Thanks for coming.
21:17You OK?
21:19I think so, yeah.
21:21Where have you been? I've been really worried about you.
21:23I had to get away for a bit.
21:25But you're OK?
21:27Yeah.
21:29Does your dad know where you are?
21:31You're the only one I've told.
21:33You've got to let him know. He wouldn't be going as far, Sarah.
21:35Not yet. I'm not ready.
21:37What about Robbie?
21:39Robbie?
21:41Is he OK?
21:43I don't know.
21:45Why are we so special about him?
21:49Is he why you did a runner?
21:51Did something happen?
21:53What happened, Sarah?
21:55Come on, you can tell me.
22:01I sort of...
22:05had sex with Robbie.
22:23It just happened.
22:25I mean,
22:27Alistair had lied to me
22:29and I couldn't talk to Dad
22:31and after I was...
22:33it felt like I was drowning.
22:35Yeah, I know that feeling.
22:37And the worst thing was,
22:39was that I thought that you and me,
22:41we,
22:43couldn't be friends.
22:45Because of Alistair.
22:47I thought I'd lost you.
22:49I thought I'd lost you.
22:53Are you...
22:55are you cross with me?
22:57Cross?
22:59Of course I'm not cross with you.
23:01I'm really worried about you.
23:03What about Robbie?
23:05I don't care about that.
23:07All I care about is you.
23:09That you're OK, that you're safe.
23:11Really?
23:13You don't think that I'm a...
23:15you know...
23:17Oh, I don't.
23:19I don't think like that, Sarah.
23:25So...
23:27can we not?
23:29No, I can't.
23:31Not yet.
23:33What do you mean?
23:35I just don't feel ready to go back and face everybody.
23:37It won't be as bad as you think, believe me.
23:39I'm an expert at these things.
23:43Besides,
23:45please, Joe.
23:47Come home when I'm ready.
23:51Where are you going to stay?
23:53There's a church nearby.
23:55They have a hostel for the homeless.
23:57A church?
23:59Isn't that where all this began?
24:01Why do you want to go there for?
24:03I don't know.
24:05Because somewhere is important.
24:07Does that sound stupid?
24:09No.
24:11It's just that...
24:13I don't like you.
24:15I don't know.
24:17I feel like I want to believe.
24:19I just don't know what to believe.
24:21Does this make any sense?
24:23I mean, there's Alistair,
24:25and you, and Dad.
24:27And all of you are saying different things,
24:29and I just don't know who's right.
24:31Well, I think...
24:33you shouldn't worry about what everyone else says.
24:35Just concentrate on how you feel.
24:39On what you want to do.
24:41OK.
24:43Thanks, Joe.
24:45You are coming home, all right?
24:49Soon.
24:51I have to go somewhere first
24:53and sort out one or two things in my head.
24:55OK.
24:57You wouldn't tell anyone you've seen me, would you?
24:59Not if you don't want me to.
25:01Where's your car, anyway?
25:03Oh, I lost it.
25:05Yeah.
25:07I have mine.
25:09You sure?
25:11Yeah.
25:13Gets cold, that one.
25:17Thanks, Joe.
25:39I love you.
26:09I love you.