Lola Bouvier, 25, a fallen ice-skating star with an outsize ego, decides to become “the greatest roller-derby champion of all time,” but unwittingly joins one of France’s worst teams: the Cannibal Unicorns!
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00:00When turning the page is not enough, you have to know how to change the book.
00:05Lola Bouvier had preferred to come back to her team and win the Moon Derby Cup against Jennifer Martin.
00:11But the Cannibal Unicorns had declared a forfeit. The team no longer existed.
00:15They had split, as they say in the jargon.
00:19Lola had therefore ruined everything. No more cup, no more derby roller, no more friends.
00:30But Lola was not alone.
00:35The lone wolf can be stronger, more aggressive and more dangerous than the wolf of Meuth.
00:40Its superb fur and its majestic testicles confer to the lone wolf the status of the king of the forest, so coveted by the sheep.
00:52Hello, Mr. Lezama!
00:54Are you okay?
00:56Yeah, I'm fine. I had breakfast, that's all. It's morning.
00:59It's 3.15am, Lola. I won't let you down.
01:02I won't let me down. I'm on vacation.
01:04Technically, you would be rather unemployed.
01:06Well, listen, we have to find a solution. I can't finance your train of life forever.
01:09Which train of life are you talking about? Is it the K.O. train?
01:12Well, not just that. There's your car insurance, your phone, your chocolate croquettes, I don't know what.
01:17And then your subscription for obstetricians.
01:19I have Resilien, my subscription. Now I have hair. You have to accept it.
01:22Well, it's just that you've been back for two weeks now.
01:24And you spend your time in Vachy, watching TV. That's not possible, Lola.
01:28And?
01:29To be completely honest with you, you're starting to feel it.
01:38Seriously, are you okay? You're overdoing it.
01:42Here, your cereals that you buy with your money.
01:55I love you.
01:57There you go.
02:03There's a penguin on the box.
02:08So, Christophe, can I get back to work here?
02:28Are you okay?
02:30Yeah.
02:32Great.
02:41Are you still okay?
02:45It's crazy.
02:47Good.
02:49So, is it okay? Can I get back to work here?
02:53No.
02:56No. No, no, thank you.
02:59Christophe, for the good of your entourage, pay for a deodorant.
03:08No, not the...
03:09Oh, yes.
03:13But he stinks.
03:16Even when he breathes through his nose, it stinks, it's rare.
03:21Lola, what are you doing here? I thought you were in Paris.
03:24Yeah, I was in Paris, but I came back.
03:26You know, I thought it was a little too much.
03:29But yesterday, it was a little more...
03:31Fun?
03:32Oh, no, calm.
03:33Yeah, calm.
03:35That's what I meant.
03:36Well, that's cool, that's great.
03:38He told you, Christophe? I became a manager.
03:41Okay.
03:43That's really cool.
03:44Yeah.
03:46And do you have any news about my girlfriend, Mother Blocker?
03:49Who?
03:50You know, my lesbian girlfriend.
03:53Who is she?
03:54Uncolored?
03:55I don't know.
03:56Did she put a finger in your ass?
03:57Which one? Be more specific.
03:59Yes, my alcoholic friend.
04:01Oh, Fanny.
04:02No, we don't see each other too much because she found a job, you know, it's a little...
04:05A job?
04:06No, you must be mistaken.
04:13Well, don't you want us to go...
04:18...to drink a beer at the Inferno, like in the good old days?
04:20Well, I stopped drinking, Lola.
04:22What?
04:23You were right, drinking is a loser thing.
04:25Well, I was saying that because...
04:26It's okay, Lola, look at me, I've changed.
04:28Okay? I'm not the same anymore.
04:30It was good, it was the good old days, it was the good times, but it's over now.
04:33It's ridiculous.
04:34Girl, let's do something else.
04:42Yes, what is it?
04:43Ah, hello, madam, I wanted to know if it was possible to see...
04:46Marie-José?
04:47No.
04:48Who is that Marie-José?
04:49Well...
04:50MJ is Marie-José?
04:51Yes.
04:52But it's really ugly.
04:53Well, listen, we do what we can.
04:55So, can I see her?
04:56Yes, she's in her room, I'm going to get her.
04:58Who is she from?
04:59Lola.
05:00Ah.
05:01Yes, well...
05:02Whatever, actually, she's not here.
05:04I was wrong.
05:05Well, you just said she was in her room.
05:07Yes, but I got it wrong, you know, actually, she's not here.
05:10Sorry.
05:12But what are you doing?
05:14Are you hiding?
05:16Not at all.
05:17But I can see you.
05:18Well, it's absurd, it's not...
05:20Are you going back home like that?
05:21No.
05:22But what are you doing, madam?
05:25Madam, can you at least tell her...
05:28...that I miss her?
05:34Fuck, it's not possible.
05:45Hello, miss.
05:46Madam.
05:47I guess you know why I'm stopping you.
05:49Uh, no, not really, no.
05:51It's too fast, madam.
05:52What? But I was at 35 km per hour.
05:54Well, that's right, it's limited to 30 km per hour on this portion.
05:57I don't know if you know, but 5 km per hour can save a life, madam.
06:00Vehicle papers and your driving license, please.
06:02But I don't have my driving license because I don't have it and it's a car without a license.
06:06It's a good start, do you have at least an ID?
06:15Wait.
06:16Wait.
06:18Bouvier, Bouvier...
06:19You recognized me, yes, it's me.
06:21Aren't you the daughter of Mr. Bouvier, the techno producer?
06:24Is that it?
06:26Yeah, he's my father.
06:27Ah, shit!
06:28Fuck, the world is small, that's crazy.
06:30Don't move, I'll show you something.
06:31I don't know where I put this shit thing.
06:34Look.
06:36Look, look at the red dot.
06:37Oh yeah, it's a key ring, okay.
06:39Yeah, it's the original ad, I made it with your dad.
06:43Bouvier.
06:44Bouvier, this asshole.
06:46Well, you'll give him my father's best wishes.
06:48Okay.
06:49From whom?
06:50Victor.
06:51Victor Lejean.
06:52What if he doesn't remember?
06:54He'll give it back to me, don't worry.
06:57I'll keep it, madam.
06:59I don't need it to fill the contravention.
07:01Oh, come on, please.
07:02You know my father, right?
07:04You were friends.
07:06No.
07:08Okay, let's forget everything.
07:14What are you doing here, madam?
07:16I can see it in your eyes.
07:17You're thinking,
07:20maybe I could suck it real quick,
07:22and it would let me go.
07:23Is that what you're thinking?
07:24No.
07:25Oh, really?
07:26Sometimes, there are guys who propose, that's why.
07:29Well, I don't.
07:30No?
07:31Well, get out of the vehicle, madam.
07:32Listen, maybe we can...
07:33Get out of the vehicle, please.
07:35Call all units.
07:36Call all units.
07:37An animal...
07:39I repeat, an animal of life,
07:41escaped from the park...
07:42Keep your distance, please.
07:45Fuck.
07:50This is for you.
07:53What? 135 euros?
07:55Yes.
07:56With this speed, I'll have to seize the vehicle
07:58as you don't have a driver's license.
08:00It's a car without a driver's license,
08:01I've already told you at least twice.
08:03You know what I mean.
08:04You drive without a driver's license, madam.
08:06Get out of the car.
08:15Leave.
08:24Leave.
08:28So, the lap was good?
08:30Shall we do a digestive test?
08:45Fuck, Ali, you're annoying.
08:47What?
08:48You threw my pineapple smoothie.
08:50Did you say pineapple?
08:51Well, yeah.
08:52What did you say?
08:53I said pineapple.
08:54But there's an S, so you said pineapple.
08:57Ilda, what did you say?
08:59Did you say pineapple or pineapple?
09:00Nothing.
09:02Well, you see.
09:06Fuck.
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13:33BFF.
13:34Best friend forever.
13:37But what does that mean?
13:39Best friend forever.
13:41Do you consider me a bit like your sister?
13:44MJ, I'd love to, but I mean...
13:47No one will believe it, I'm really good.
13:50You're like my adopted sister.
13:56Wait, my phone's ringing.
14:02Hello?
14:04Shh!
14:06Yes, it's me.
14:09But...
14:11How is this possible?
14:14But it's great!
14:16No, it's horrible, it's horrible!
14:19We really are so few.
14:21Well, thank you.
14:23Thank you for letting me know.
14:25Big kiss.
14:27What's going on?
14:29MJ!
14:30The mouthwash is dead!
14:32What?
14:33They're dead!
14:34Lola, stop being happy, it's not funny.
14:36I'm not happy.
14:38Well, if you're smiling.
14:39No, but that's how I feel, I'm sad.
14:42But how are they dead?
14:44They were driving 5km over the median line
14:46and they hit a bridge.
14:48A bridge? The animal?
14:50Oh, poor thing.
14:52But MJ, do you know what that means?
14:54No.
14:55That we'll be able to participate in the Moon Derby Cup.
15:00The Moon Derby Cup!
15:03The Moon Derby Cup, MJ.
15:17Dad?
15:19Dad?
15:21Didn't you see my skates?
15:25I put roses on your old ice skates.
15:45Listen to me, Mother Blocker!
15:48No, I'm not going to call you Mother Blocker, are you crazy?
15:51We're qualified, you can't say no to something like that, you know that very well.
15:54But the derby is your whole life!
15:56Come on, are you serious? Stop it!
15:59Yeah, Absinthe, it's Lola.
16:01Hardwell?
16:03Hello? Hello, hello?
16:12Okay, speak with your heart.
16:16I hate you!
16:18Wait, wait, wait!
16:20I know you hate me too.
16:21Get your foot off.
16:22I know you think I'm selfish, that I don't give a shit, that I only think about myself.
16:26Maybe.
16:27Well, I think you have shitty principles, shitty tactics,
16:30and that you're the captain of a shitty team.
16:33But deep down, you and I are the same.
16:36No.
16:38Yes.
16:39No.
16:40Yes, we're the same.
16:42I mean, we're not the same, you know what I mean.
16:46But in our hearts, we're the same.
16:49We love our shitty team.
16:51That's very beautiful.
16:53Are you done?
16:54Acid, I want us to go back to being cannibals.
16:56It's because of you that there's no team anymore.
16:58You screwed up and left without telling me.
17:00So what?
17:01Louise, my name is Louise.
17:02You don't dwell on the details.
17:04I imagine you know, that you have to say yes.
17:07The mouth breakers are all dead.
17:09What?
17:10They're dead, dead, it's over for them.
17:13Little angels left too early.
17:15What? They're dead?
17:18It means that our forfeit is over.
17:20Over, over, over.
17:21We say over?
17:22Anyway, we're new in the list.
17:24We don't care.
17:25We're qualified, damn it.
17:27Acid.
17:28They have a loyalty and respect for you
17:31that they'll never have for me.
17:32You're the captain of the cannibal unicorns.
17:35It's your last chance to make your team win
17:37and go through the front door.
17:38I can't do it without you.
17:40I don't know if you've ever seen The Lord of the Rings,
17:43but there's a line by the magician that really touches me.
17:47Forgiveness is more virile than punishment.
17:49So if you change your mind,
17:50meet me tomorrow at 5pm at the gym with the girls.
17:54I don't know, we'll see.
17:55Yes, you know.
17:57You know it.
18:01You know, Mom,
18:02mistakes are always forgivable when you have the courage to admit them.
18:08What would you do if you were me?
18:10Would you give me a second chance?
18:12There's no choice.
18:14There are only meetings.
18:27They won't come.
18:30If they come, we'll wait a little longer, okay?
18:33Yeah.
18:39I told you.
18:42Oh.
18:44Who are you?
18:46We're here to train.
18:47Train what?
18:49Basketball.
18:50No, I don't think so.
18:51It's the roller derby here.
18:53Listen to me, you big assholes.
18:55Riri, Mimi and Momo.
18:56Saturday is our day off, okay?
18:58Wait, what did you say?
18:59What did she say?
19:00Here, Lola, we're leaving.
19:02No, MJ.
19:03It's not these two or three assholes
19:04who are going to impress us.
19:06Wait, what do you want?
19:08Go away with your little mustache.
19:12Let me explain something to you, Tommy Parker.
19:15The roller derby is the most badass sport in the world, okay?
19:18You see this gym?
19:19It's our gym, okay?
19:21I've already gone once and it was the biggest mistake of my life,
19:23so I won't go a second time.
19:24So if you and your assholes want to train,
19:26you're going to have to put me on the body.
19:28And on MJ's, believe me, it's just cake.
19:30So good luck.
19:31You say again that it's a shitty sport and I swear...
19:33What, what, what?
19:34What are you going to do?
19:37Touch one of his hair and you're dead.
19:39Go ahead, shoot him in the head with your toilet paper.
19:41Hide!
19:44We're not going to fight like girls, are we?
19:46We're not girls.
20:02Yeah, that's it, run, you assholes!
20:04It's homophobic, bitch.
20:06Oh shit.
20:07I don't ever want to see you here again, you hear me, cuties?
20:09I don't ever want to see you again!
20:11You'll never find me in front of this damn wall!
20:16What? He's cute.
20:19Thank you, girls. Thank you, Acid.
20:22Hard Will.
20:23We're going to win this fucking cup.
20:28Cannibals!
20:29Let's go!