Lola Bouvier, 25, a fallen ice-skating star with an outsize ego, decides to become “the greatest roller-derby champion of all time,” but unwittingly joins one of France’s worst teams: the Cannibal Unicorns!
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00:00So we'll see you in a little bit.
00:31And it's the last time we do it, Bédard.
00:38Today...
00:42The girls...
00:45Go on!
00:46No, go on!
00:47No, but you're the captain!
00:48No, no, no, I'm begging you, go on!
00:49I'm telling you to go!
00:50No, the daughter of my mother, go on!
00:51Fuck, you can make a story!
00:52No!
00:53Are you serious?
00:55We have one month left.
00:56One month to prepare.
00:57So yes, it's true, we qualified because of a drama.
00:59Rest in peace, you piece of shit.
01:01But!
01:02It's time to stay united, focused, strong!
01:05It's not time to give up, ok?
01:07This scrimmage will allow us to position our level, to see where we are!
01:10The girls, we're going to win this match, ok?
01:12Because we're cannibals, unicorns, and we have to be proud of it!
01:15Proud of our jersey!
01:16Well, me, my jersey, that's how I found it.
01:19Yeah, but it's symbolic.
01:20We're going to do it!
01:21Cannibals!
01:22Unicorns!
01:25Well, I'm going.
01:29Kisses.
01:44Fuck, we're going to get our asses smashed!
01:48You who wanted to position the level, we did it well.
01:51Very well.
01:59So, you have to go to bed.
02:01It's rolling.
02:03You got it?
02:04It's rolling for the bike.
02:05You got it?
02:06Yeah, I got it.
02:07And what are you still doing here?
02:08Well, I learned for the cup.
02:10Bravo!
02:11Congratulations for your victory by the death of the opposing team.
02:14You know, we didn't do this match.
02:16Imagine that we could have won it very well.
02:18Against mouth breakers?
02:19Allow me to loll.
02:20Who will loll the last one?
02:22We'll see.
02:23We'll see.
02:24We'll see.
02:25We'll see.
02:26We'll see.
02:27We'll see.
02:28Last one, rendez-vous at the cup.
02:30Barbie misery.
02:32I hope you won't be riding a bike.
02:34No, it's too far.
02:37It's not possible.
02:42Bye.
02:44The worst captain ever.
02:56You're the worst captain ever.
02:57You're the worst captain ever.
02:59I'm not even the captain.
03:13Girls!
03:15Leave me here.
03:16I'm going to slow you down.
03:26I think you should accept the fact that your father is doing his life.
03:29To respect his decision.
03:31I'm not going to lie to you.
03:32When my mother started to get in touch with his desire,
03:34it was a real hard blow.
03:36If she saw another man, it meant that she didn't even love him anymore.
03:39But I was young and immature at that time.
03:43You're such a bad kid.
03:45Why? Aren't they like me, the only kids you have?
03:48I'm not a babysitter. I have a real career.
03:51I'm here because I'm having a hard time.
03:53I fucked your mother.
03:55And I got caught.
03:56Oh, I'm going to put the minicoms away.
04:00Have you ever heard of complexity?
04:02Shut up. And it follows the story. It's not easy to understand.
04:09He's sleeping.
04:10He's sleeping.
04:11He's sleeping.
04:14Okay.
04:19Good night.
04:22He fell asleep. He was tired.
04:25Did it go well?
04:26He's a bit weird, but he's nice. He's original.
04:30And you? Your look?
04:33Cool.
04:34Are you in love?
04:35No. I don't know, but...
04:38There's a big pub and it's a good place.
04:41I couldn't fall in love with someone I'm not in love with.
04:44If only for AIDS.
04:46What?
04:48Yes.
04:49Love heals AIDS.
04:51Who told you that?
04:52No one. Everyone knows it. It's well-known.
04:55You're crazy.
04:58Are you serious?
05:00Well...
05:01You're saying nonsense. You're too dangerous.
05:03Oh, okay.
05:05Anyway, do you want something to drink?
05:07No, thanks.
05:08Well, except if you have a Tisane Vervene Venue Bergamot.
05:11Yes. I want that.
05:18Well, what do we do for the team?
05:20They suck. They don't understand anything.
05:22They lack discipline.
05:23I think we should kick their ass, but...
05:25I don't know how.
05:27Repeat what you just said.
05:28They suck.
05:29No, after that.
05:30They don't understand anything.
05:31No, before that.
05:32Tisane Vervene Venue Bergamot.
05:34Fuck, Lola...
05:36They lack discipline.
05:38They don't understand anything.
05:39They don't understand anything.
05:46Okay, girls.
05:47Talk to each other.
05:48Listen to each other.
05:49Trust each other.
05:50Protect your girlfriends.
05:51Okay?
05:52Okay.
05:54I'm the one who's going.
06:02What a shitty pinball game!
06:04Oh my God!
06:05They killed Boubine!
06:06MJ?
06:07Where are you?
06:08I'm in my house.
06:09Girls, go to the building.
06:10I'll get her.
06:11See you later.
06:12Trash, Harry, Karma.
06:13Follow them.
06:14You guys stay with me.
06:15We'll go the other way.
06:16Okay?
06:17Go, go, go.
06:19Come on, let's move.
06:37Go, go, go.
06:38Go, go, go.
06:40Go, go, go.
07:06Put down the gun.
07:09Put down the gun.
07:20Put down the gun.
07:25This game is so bad.
07:39M.G.
08:03M.G.
08:05Cellula
08:07M.G.
08:08The difference between men and women is that we are foreseers.
08:22Oh shit!
08:23MJ!
08:24No!
08:25No!
08:26It's not a game!
08:32Hasta la vista, baby!
08:38MJ!
08:40No!
08:42No!
08:44Lola!
08:46Tell Azadek that I love him!
08:53It doesn't exist!
08:54Yes it does, you saw it!
08:56Leave me here!
08:57I can't!
08:59Yes, I'll take you!
09:02It doesn't work!
09:03You're right, I'm going to try the ace.
09:05I won't make it.
09:06We'll meet again in the other world.
09:07Yes!
09:08Watch the team!
09:14No!
09:17Not bad, the ref is Terminator.
09:19I didn't see it.
09:20Well played, Ardouille, we destroyed them all, it's thanks to MJ.
09:29I'll make you dream of victory!
09:32I've done it 20 times and I still can't do it.
09:38Pen ball is life.
09:40We're ready for the air ball.
09:47I love you so much.
09:50Oh!
09:53No, no, no, no, no, no!
09:57Oh, how are you?
09:59I'm fine, you don't mind?
10:01I don't know why you never called me.
10:03Oh shit, I didn't call you!
10:05Well, it's because you're boring!
10:11Hey, remember me!
10:13Where is she?
10:14She left!
10:15Shame!
10:17What do you mean shame?
10:20Calm down, I'd like to get up.
10:22Wait, wait, I'm taking a shit.
10:24I'm taking a shit too.
10:26You're taking a shit?
10:27You can suck a dick.
10:28I really sucked a dick.
10:29I didn't suck anything at all.
10:31Hey, but I sucked the dicks!
10:39Do you want me to suck your dick or not?
10:43Hello?
10:44It's not a trick question.
10:46It's not a trick question.
10:48It's either I suck your dick or I don't suck your dick.
10:50There's no...
10:51Yeah?
10:52Yeah, I'm good.
10:53For sure.
10:58It's so good!
10:59Wait, you're not in there.
11:02Oh, yeah, it's better!
11:04It's better!
11:05Okay, go ahead.
11:07Tell me dirty things!
11:08I had a gastro last week.
11:10It was probably an food poisoning.
11:12Oh, but fuck, that's disgusting!
11:14Okay, tell me my name!
11:15Le Labouvier!
11:17Le Labouvier!
11:19Le Labouvier!
11:20Oh, fuck!
11:24Okay, bye.
11:25What?
11:30Okay, bye Mika.
11:31Thanks, see you next time.
11:33No, wait, because...
11:35I haven't...
11:36What?
11:37Spammed.
11:38I haven't spammed.
11:42Do you think life works like that?
11:43You first, you first, me first.
11:45Okay.
11:46It's that kind of society now.
11:48Okay.
11:49Don't worry about it.
12:02Come on, come on, let's go!
12:13Come on, come on, let's go!
12:18Get up, and you will be reborn in the name of Shkoumoun.
12:23Drink the blood of the lichens.
12:27You'll never guess how shitty it is!
12:29What? What's wrong?
12:30For the brick-up mold, that!
12:31Between how much it's going to cost to sleep,
12:33how much it's going to cost the gas,
12:34how much it's going to cost to eat,
12:35how much it's going to cost all the little extras,
12:371,500 bucks!
12:39There, how much it's going to cost too much!
12:41How much is in the box there?
12:4314.
12:4414,000?
12:45It's okay!
12:4614 E.
12:4714 euros.
12:48Camping.
12:49Not expensive.
12:50Practical to pack.
12:51Good idea, camping in Paris.
12:52Wait.
12:53Are you sure you did a good math?
12:55You!
12:56It's a PhD in mathematics and quantum physics.
12:58Strong interaction, weak interaction,
12:59in short, all shitty.
13:00All my calculations are exact and correct.
13:03As a result,
13:04everything you think you are,
13:05is null and void.
13:06CQFDETQ.
13:07Which would be demonstrated in all qualities.
13:11After, 1,486 euros,
13:13it's found in two weeks.
13:14Correct calculation.
13:20I, if necessary, I prostitute myself.
13:22It has no time.
13:24It's okay, it's 30 pips at 50 bucks,
13:26it's done.
13:28I think it's a good idea if she does that.
13:30Nonsense.
13:31It's okay, I'm kidding,
13:32I'm not going to suck for money anyway.
13:34Did you have a date?
13:35No.
13:37But if you just had a date,
13:38I'll see you.
13:39No.
13:40Did you have a date?
13:41Stop having a date.
13:42No, I'm nodding.
13:43It's my fault.
13:45The mouth breakers,
13:46it's my fault if they're dead.
13:47What?
13:50I did an incantation to win,
13:51but I didn't think
13:52my magic was so powerful.
13:54No, but absent,
13:55it's unfortunate,
13:56but it's life,
13:57it has nothing to do with it.
13:58You know, there was an accident,
13:59that's all, it's like that.
14:00I underestimated my powers.
14:01Nothing to do with it?
14:02I swear to you,
14:03the girls, I didn't do it on purpose,
14:04I didn't want to kill them,
14:05I swear to you.
14:06I could resurrect them,
14:07but good trouble.
14:08I don't have enough XP,
14:09I don't have enough stuff,
14:10I mean...
14:12Who has money on the side?
14:14But I had to see my boyfriend in Paris.
14:16I'm commune.
14:17Stop lying.
14:18But I'm not lying.
14:19Well, in any case,
14:20we have to move our asses.
14:21We have 15 days
14:22to move the skies and the earth.
14:39So?
14:40274 euros and 26 cents.
14:42Wow, that's a lot.
14:43Yes, I'm commune,
14:44it's a lot,
14:45but in this case,
14:46it's not enough.
14:47OK.
14:48I wanted to get it out
14:49only in the last class.
14:50And what?
14:51And we can win 50,000 euros.
14:52Yeah, well,
14:53you have a better chance
14:54of spitting it out on the plane
14:55or eating yourself to death.
14:56You have to believe in it,
14:57I believe in it.
14:58I believe in it,
14:59I believe in it.
15:00No.
15:01Oh, fuck.
15:02The only losing ticket.
15:03Hello.
15:04Hello.
15:05Hello, Mrs. Durand,
15:06how are you doing?
15:07I'm fine.
15:08I'm going to get you two pizzas.
15:09Ha, the old lady said pizza.
15:10Stay calm,
15:11that's how you say it in real life.
15:12How are you, my little miss?
15:13You don't look like your plate.
15:14Yes, yes, yes, I'm fine.
15:15It's just that
15:16we had to go to Paris
15:17to do a tournament
15:18but we don't have enough money
15:19to go.
15:20Whereas the black weirdos,
15:21they have enough money,
15:22you see.
15:23Well, you know,
15:24money is not immortal.
15:25Ah, OK.
15:26They lack a few euros
15:27to go to the tournament.
15:28Do you realize,
15:29poor girl,
15:30that they lack
15:31a few euros
15:32to go to the tournament?
15:33Yes.
15:34Yes.
15:35Yes.
15:36Yes.
15:37It's true,
15:38yes.
15:39And we lack a few euros
15:40to go to their tournament but,
15:41can you believe it...
15:428 EUROS
15:52Damn!
15:53Only the last one, what?
15:558 euros, damn!
15:578 euros!
15:58I just put my body
15:59up for sale on the internet
16:00and they only offer 8 euros
16:01!
16:02I mean, it's priceless.
16:03I've evolved into
16:04a world champion.
16:05I've sweat a tooth in it.
16:07I'm going to be pissed.
16:11In fact, everyone doesn't give a shit about this corduroy.
16:13Nobody's going to buy it.
16:15We won't be able to go for the haircut.
16:18Do you want a sandwich?
16:20No, I'm not hungry.
16:22I'm disgusted.
16:25OK, I'm going. Goodbye, everyone.
16:27Goodbye, Sylvie.
16:31Change.
16:34Special.
16:47Michael, what do you want now?
16:51Here, it's for you.
16:53Love of my life.
16:55I drew you like in Titanic.
17:01No, you can keep it, it's for you.
17:04Listen, Michael, you know, last time...
17:12Don't say anymore.
17:17Bye.
17:19Bye.
17:24I love you.
17:26Hello, my name is Julien.
17:28I'm going to explain to you how I made a fortune thanks to a permit.
17:30Fuck, go ahead, be simple, let go of your card.
17:32Please.
17:34It's definitely not a scam.
17:36The method is to buy the method for 99 euros.
17:38There you go.
17:40Thank you, Max, for breaking our dreams.
17:42You're welcome.
17:44Max, what's your name?
17:46Maxence? Maxime?
17:48Maximilien.
17:50It's ugly.
17:52Maximilien, listen to me.
17:54You see that? You didn't see it.
17:56No, your mother doesn't exist.
17:58I promise, but your addiction to cannabinoids
18:00reveals a need to compensate a deeper illness.
18:02What's wrong with the kid?
18:04What's going on with you, kid?
18:06Kid?
18:08Come on, let's go, it's getting late.
18:10Bye, girls.
18:12Hey, Benjamin Button!
18:14You're smart, but you forgot something.
18:16There you go.
18:26Fuck, it went by too fast this week.
18:28Well, it's dead.
18:30We can't give up.
18:32I mean, we can't miss the cut.
18:34I'll never do it, man.
18:40Are you the girls who ride the scooters?
18:42It's us, it's here.
18:44Yes, hurry up.
18:48The whole city has bribed us.
18:50We've been collecting loans for a year.
18:52We've been collecting loans for a year.
18:54We've been collecting loans for a year.
18:56We've collected almost 1,000 euros.
18:58It's time for Mézières to take her revenge.
19:00And if it's a bunch of old-fashioned feminists
19:02who have to take responsibility,
19:04so be it.
19:06Go give a good welcome to these black verdos in Paris.
19:10Thank you all so much.
19:12I don't know what else to say.
19:14Madame Duran, you're such a bitch!
19:16We're counting on you, girls.
19:18Go, Mézières!
19:20Go, go!
19:22Rita!
19:30Go, go!
19:34Go!
19:36Go!
19:52Go!
19:54Go!
19:56Go!
20:00In the name of God.
20:22Go!
20:24Go!
20:26Go!
20:28Go!
20:30Go!
20:32Go!
20:34Go!
20:36Go!
20:38Go!