Lola Bouvier, 25, a fallen ice-skating star with an outsize ego, decides to become “the greatest roller-derby champion of all time,” but unwittingly joins one of France’s worst teams: the Cannibal Unicorns!
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00:00For the first time in France, the Moon Derby Cup.
00:08Teams of derby rollers, only one winner.
00:11Matches to break the record.
00:13The Moon Derby Cup, July 12th and 13th at the Émile Louis Gymnasium in Paris.
00:23Ok, I'm going, let's go.
00:24Let's go.
00:26Ok, well...
00:30Let's go.
00:32Hey Lola, go Candy Belly Gorm!
00:37Lola, good luck.
00:40Thank you, honey.
00:46Girls trip!
00:47You thought we were going to Paris Hilton in a month?
00:49Come on, hurry up.
00:50Can I drive?
00:51You don't have a driver's license.
00:52Get in the back, we're late, we play at 6.30.
00:54I never get in the back seat.
01:02Come on.
01:03I don't even know where you're going.
01:07Be careful on the road.
01:09Call me, send me a message as soon as you arrive.
01:11Yes, mom.
01:12Did you take your ID card?
01:13Yes, mom.
01:14Did you bring your toothbrush?
01:15Don't talk to strangers, especially if they offer you candy.
01:18Yes, yes.
01:19Did you take your anti-rape whistle?
01:21Mom, I don't need an anti-rape whistle.
01:23Paris is not Mezières, it's very dangerous.
01:25We don't know what can happen.
01:27I'm not going to get raped.
01:28We never know.
01:29I'll give you mine.
01:30Yes, yes.
01:31And if you have a problem, whistle three times.
01:35Okay, are you happy?
01:37I'm very happy.
01:38I'm very happy.
01:39I love you.
01:40Kisses.
01:41Yes, I'm going.
01:42Yes, go ahead.
01:43See you soon.
01:44Yes, see you soon.
01:49Don't forget, three times.
01:53Don't you want me to wait with you?
01:55No, it's okay.
01:56Are you sure?
01:57They haven't arrived yet.
01:58But they're coming.
01:59Okay, I'm going home then.
02:01Yes.
02:04They're not here, are they?
02:06What are they doing?
02:08It's starting.
02:10Oh, dear.
02:12Eat a lot, I don't care.
02:13It keeps you warm in the winter.
02:15In the summer, I get my hair cut.
02:17To breathe better.
02:19I fidget with my fingers.
02:23I fidget with my fingers.
02:25I fidget with my fingers.
02:27I fidget with my fingers.
02:29I fidget with my fingers.
02:31I fidget with my fingers.
02:39What do we win if we win?
02:40A trip to the States with the girls, I think.
02:42We win 100% recyclable monstrous cups.
02:44Oh, fuck, to the States?
02:46I love the United States.
02:48You know I'm a little American in my heart.
02:50Cups are so bad.
02:51Stop it, it's so good.
02:53Michael Jackson and everything.
02:55MJ, fuck.
02:56Oh, fuck, MJ.
02:57Fuck, we're in the commune.
03:00I'll protect you all my life.
03:05I fidget with my fingers.
03:07I fidget with my fingers.
03:09I fidget with my fingers.
03:11I fidget with my fingers.
03:21I fidget with my fingers.
03:40Turn off the vehicle, please, Madame.
03:44Please, ma'am.
03:45Well, it's...
03:46Yes, it's...
03:47There you go.
03:48Hop!
03:49Stay polite.
03:50Do you have anything to say?
03:52No.
03:53What?
03:59Behind?
04:00No.
04:01No, officer.
04:09Get out of the vehicle!
04:10Molo, don't do that in your...
04:13Open this food truck for me.
04:14Huh?
04:15Food truck.
04:16It's English.
04:17The truck behind you.
04:18Hey!
04:19No foul play.
04:20Molo.
04:22Don't be stupid.
04:27Wow.
04:28To all units.
04:29Interception of a woman on the D-52.
04:32Oh, shit.
04:33The drunkard?
04:36Victor!
04:37Victor Legendre!
04:38Oh, no.
04:39Not you.
04:40Don't tell me you're a Ukrainian prostitute.
04:41Oh, no, no, no.
04:42Not at all.
04:43It's a mistake.
04:44We're a sports team.
04:45We do roller derby.
04:47That's not sport.
04:48No, but excuse us, sir,
04:49but we're actually very late
04:51and we have to go to Paris to do a tournament.
04:53And we don't have any money to pay for a van.
04:55Otherwise, we would have done it.
04:56I promise you, officer.
04:58Please, don't tell my mother.
05:01Okay, the goonies.
05:03Your story is good.
05:04I'm not saying I don't want to believe it.
05:06Maybe I do.
05:08But I don't believe it.
05:09But I don't believe it.
05:11Okay.
05:13Vic.
05:14Can I call you Vic?
05:16I know that under this uniform,
05:18there's a man.
05:19And inside this man,
05:21there's his little heart beating.
05:24Oh, yes.
05:25And this little heart,
05:26I think he wants to please.
05:31You almost got me, the goon.
05:33So, I'm going to repeat myself,
05:35but do you have any stupid cops on you?
05:37Oh, no.
05:38Not at all.
05:39Oh, no?
05:40Well, we're going to check.
05:41And we're going to start with you,
05:43Captain Haddock.
05:44Me?
05:45Are you sure you don't have anything on you?
05:50Are you sure?
05:51Yes.
05:56Wait.
05:57There's someone who wants to talk to you.
06:00Who is it?
06:03Hello?
06:04Who's on the phone?
06:06Oh, Mr. Bouvier.
06:08Yes, it's Victor.
06:10Victor Legendre.
06:12How are you?
06:15No.
06:17No, no.
06:18I didn't get my degree.
06:22I know.
06:24Well,
06:25I'm a cop.
06:29Oh, shit.
06:34Hello and welcome
06:36to this first edition of the Moon Derby Cup.
06:3816 teams of derby skaters,
06:40three wins are necessary to go to the final.
06:43The big winners will win the trip to the United States.
06:46There will be electricity in the air, my dear Pussy,
06:49for this first match,
06:50which will be played against the Cannibals du Corps de Maizière
06:53and the Matriarchs à Gaule de Marseille.
06:55I have something for you.
06:58You're going to be a little disappointed, it's not shit.
07:03Wow!
07:04But it's for all of us, it's a gift.
07:06Yes, of course.
07:09I sold something that meant a lot to me.
07:12Nothing for you.
07:17Well, nothing, no.
07:18I mean...
07:20A smile would kill you.
07:23It's pink, it's gendered, it sucks, I don't like it.
07:26Er, wrong.
07:27I remind you that before the 18th century,
07:29pink was a symbol of...
07:30Virility.
07:35THE MATCH
07:53Let's go for this first match of the competition.
07:56The blood will flow, my dear Pussy.
07:58Five seconds.
08:00First jam of the match,
08:02and Ardouille, the jammers of the Cannibals du Corps de Maizière,
08:05can't get past him.
08:06Narvalet opens the score for the Matriarchs à Gaule.
08:09Motherblocker and Thrash are fighting hard.
08:15Ardouille takes the lead and Ardouille scores.
08:19The contacts are very rough between the two teams.
08:26And four more points for the Matriarchs à Gaule.
08:30And Ardouille, who pierces the opponent's wall.
08:34The two teams are now neck and neck.
08:37But the Matriarchs à Gaule impose a real physical challenge on their opponent.
08:43And it's a team time-out requested by the Cannibals du Corps team.
08:47Fuck, they're rough, those assholes.
08:49Fuck, there's a level there.
08:50Oh, they're bad.
08:51Come on, girls, we can do it, OK?
08:53Girls, the three Ds. Determination, dexterity, discipline.
08:56Forget it, D.
08:57Shut up.
09:11It's a first win for the Cannibals du Corps.
09:26The Cannibals du Corps win.
09:39Sorry about earlier.
09:40Oh, it's OK.
09:41Girls, I swear.
09:42Honestly, no big deal.
09:43You were talking like that.
09:45You didn't like it.
09:48It's a crazy place.
09:49There are girls, there are guys, there are churros, there are kebabs.
09:52It's crazy.
09:53It's the best things in life put together.
09:55Do you have time for a tattoo?
09:56Do you mind if we get a tattoo?
09:57No, thank you.
09:58Everything that's ink, needlework, filococcus, all that, that's not my thing.
10:02OK, OK.
10:03If we win, you get a tattoo.
10:07No.
10:09Yes.
10:11No.
10:15No.
10:16Do you want one?
10:17Do you want one?
10:18It's nice.
10:19It's a set for the samurai.
10:20It's 50 cents extra.
10:21No, thank you.
10:22I love it when it rips your face off.
10:25I'm going to get a beard for my dad.
10:27Does anyone want one?
10:28No one?
10:29OK.
10:30OK.
10:31I'll give you 10 bucks for the store.
10:32OK.
10:33I don't have any pockets, so I don't have any money.
10:35I know.
10:38I know.
10:46For all the oppressed sisters.
10:47Come on.
10:48Pata.
10:53Not bad.
10:54Yeah, not bad.
10:55Wait, wait.
10:56I can do it again.
10:57I can do it better.
10:59Here, here, here.
11:01Look who's here.
11:03The plucks of Mezières-la-Musère.
11:10We'll see if we're still plucks.
11:12R.D.V. on the track.
11:14Hilda.
11:15Hurry.
11:16Yeah.
11:25Bien, Hilda.
11:27Yeah.
11:28Bien, bien.
11:29Yeah, yeah.
11:30Bien, bien, bien.
11:32Yeah, yeah, yeah.
11:40Come on, girls.
11:41Let's go.
11:48Oh, wow.
11:50Do you want a drink?
11:51Yeah.
11:55OK, girls.
11:56We believe in it.
11:57We believe in it.
11:58Second match.
11:59We can beat anyone.
12:00It's not the plucks that are going to impress us, OK?
12:02But you're the one who stinks like that.
12:04I'm sorry.
12:05I can't stop buying boxes of their shitty kebabs.
12:07Oh, but you farted.
12:08I can smell it.
12:09Come on, girls.
12:10Let's go.
12:11Yeah.
12:12Cannibals, let's go!
12:14Go!
12:21The Fatbichoux dig the gap.
12:22Thanks to their small jammer,
12:24the Fatbichoux now have 18 points in advance.
12:27What intensity in this match.
12:29Please, Arissa, I'm going to break my belly.
12:37I see Mozer Blocker's belly hanging in.
12:40I feel like she's injured.
12:42Probably a fractured rib.
12:44Yeah, she must have taken a bad blow here.
12:46You know, it happens quite often to derby rollers.
12:52I'm so sick of the wind, I can't go on.
12:54Choukoumoun, are you ready?
12:56What? Me?
12:58Yeah, because you're going to enter the field.
13:00Wait, no, but I've never played math.
13:03I'm going to faint.
13:05I need sugar.
13:06No, no, no, MJ, MJ, look at me.
13:08The only way to overcome your fears is to tame them.
13:11Here, take my toy.
13:14It's magic.
13:16Really?
13:17That way, nothing will happen to you.
13:19Right, girls? It's magic.
13:24You're welcome.
13:42Choukoumoun, the new blocker of the Cannibals of the Horn,
13:45who does the cleaning in the opposite wall
13:47and allows Hardwheel to score points.
14:06It's a second victory for the Cannibals of the Horn.
14:09It's incredible.
14:10This team, unknown this morning,
14:12is back in the semi-finals.
14:14Well done, Choukoumoun.
14:15It's thanks to your toy.
14:17No, it's thanks to you.
14:18My toy isn't even magic.
14:19Really?
14:21Damn, semi-finals.
14:24Come on, say it.
14:26Say what?
14:27Say it, Hardwheel, you were right.
14:31Hardwheel, you were right.
14:33Hardwheel, you're the greatest blocker I've ever seen in my life.
14:36Don't say that.
14:49Hello, Mr. Bouvier.
14:52Let me introduce myself. My name is Michael.
14:54I'm a colleague of...
14:55I mean, an ex-colleague of Lola,
14:56because she doesn't work at Sportsonique anymore.
14:58I know you, Michael.
14:59We met at Lola's birthday party.
15:01I know you, Michael.
15:03Mr. Bouvier...
15:07Mr. Bouvier, would you mind if I ask your daughter to marry me?
15:11I like your chivalrous side, but...
15:13I'd have to ask her for her opinion.
15:15The problem is, she's gone to Paris.
15:17To Paris?
15:18That's not a coincidence.
15:23Thank you, Mr. Bouvier.
15:25You're a great guy.
15:28He's a nice guy, Michael.
15:30A bit stupid, but nice.
15:36A bit stupid, but nice.
15:54MJ? MJ?
15:57Ruben...
16:02Girls, there's only one match left, and we're in the final.
16:05We give everything, we don't give up.
16:07We hang on, we can do it.
16:09We can do it.
16:10It's right here, right in front of us.
16:12Come on, Cannibals!
16:13League on!
16:15Are you okay, Ardouille?
16:16Yeah, I'm okay.
16:36Ardouille, what are you doing?
16:37It's okay, don't worry.
16:38If you don't wake up, I'll kick you out, okay?
16:40Yeah, that's right.
16:41Come on, Cannibals!
16:42League on!
17:06We're in the final!
17:08We're in the final!
17:10We're...
17:11We're...
17:12We're in the final!
17:14We're in the final!
17:16Are you okay, Ardouille?
17:17If it's a bad luck, I can take it, you know.
17:19Fuck, stop with your bad luck stuff!
17:21It doesn't exist, it's shit!
17:22You're not a witch, you hear me?
17:26What's wrong with her?
17:28Well...
17:30We're in the final!
17:32We're in the final!
17:34We're...
17:35We're...
17:36We're in the final!
17:40Come on, come on.
17:42It's not the time.
17:43Oh, it's not the time.
17:45I don't feel the pressure anymore.
17:47Oh, I'm afraid of tomorrow.
17:49Against the Blackwells.
17:50Shut up!
17:56Jennifer, she made ragnagna!
17:58No, not at all!
18:00It's ketchup!
18:01Ragnagna!
18:02Ragnagna!
18:03Ragnagna!
18:06Are you sick?
18:12Ragnagna?
18:16You're really a piece of shit.
18:19You're toxic, Lola.
18:21That's why everyone runs away from you.
18:23Do you think cannibals are your friends?
18:26I don't know.
18:32What a disaster for Lola Bouvier, that fall.
18:36Oh, you were here.
18:38We looked for you everywhere.
18:41Lola, I don't know what's wrong with you, but we need you.
18:47You know, one day, a friend told me
18:50the only way to overcome our fears
18:53is to tame them.
18:55Like a dog we tame.
18:58Like all the animals we can tame.
19:01Because there are some we can't tame.
19:05Like the rhinoceros.
19:08Or the otter.
19:11Or the lion.
19:13Oh no, that's a bad example.
19:15We can tame the lion.
19:18But it takes longer.
19:20Mj, good night.
19:25Good night.
19:32I slept like a...
19:35like a man.
19:37What about you?
19:39Lola?
19:41Lola?
19:43Are you in the office?
19:48Hi, Mom.