Veep Season 7 Episode 4 South Carolina
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00:00Sorry to lose you.
00:01Ah, me too.
00:04Ma'am, the U.S. Attorney's Office has empaneled a grand jury to investigate the Meyer Fund.
00:09Madam P, got a moment?
00:11Can you fuck off?
00:12I have always tried to be there for you.
00:14Well, how come you failed me in algebra, Mr. Henick?
00:16It would be really good if we adopted another baby from China.
00:20How would you like the chance to help lead a physically repugnant underdog to historic victory?
00:27You want me to join Jonah's campaign?
00:29How about for once in your life, you stop whining, you stop complaining, and just man up?
00:39You're out of my league.
00:47Thank you, New Hampshire, for manning up!
00:52What started in Iowa with a come-from-behind,
00:56second-place finish has built here tonight into an all-out victory!
01:02And now it's on to South Carolina, and then back to the White House!
01:17That's right, you heard me.
01:20Back to the White House!
01:26Back there!
01:27Which one of you donkey dongs was in charge of the balloons, huh?
01:30Believe it or not, Amy.
01:32She's still fucking up, she hasn't worked here for months.
01:34Does anyone have her new email address?
01:36Man up continues to resonate in all four quadrants.
01:40It's universal.
01:41Men hate women, women hate themselves.
01:43The Geraldine Ferraro principle.
01:45Hey, ma'am, I was hoping I could have some more responsibility.
01:49Yes.
01:50Yes.
01:50Can you make me a waxing appointment in Charleston?
01:54I'm feeling patriotic.
01:56Full bald eagle.
01:57Ma'am, South Carolina is gonna be tough.
01:59Guys, black people love me.
02:02Love.
02:02Did you know Dr. Jordan Thomas, the civil rights leader, he once said to me...
02:06Yeah, you told me this.
02:07We're aware.
02:07This is a classic.
02:09He once said to me that I was the blackest white woman he ever met.
02:16Ma'am, you do know that this time you're running against an actual black person?
02:21She's not even all black.
02:22Plus, I'm gonna be lion-kinging little Richard all around till I tear my rotator cuff.
02:29Absolutely not, mother.
02:30Hey, ma'am.
02:31Yeah.
02:31I have been working for you for 18 years without a promotion.
02:36Right.
02:37Yeah.
02:37But some people kind of think I deserve a bigger role in the campaign this time.
02:41What kind of role was your mother thinking of?
02:43I don't know.
02:44I thought everybody kind of did the same thing.
02:46Ma'am, are faith-based outreach programs kind of a disaster?
02:49Okay, so give Gary this faith-based thing.
02:52It's faith-based.
02:53I don't care.
02:54Yeah, okay.
02:55All right.
02:56I gotta get a little shut-eye before we land.
02:58Can we have the lights out, please?
03:03Hey, ma'am, do you have the county-by-county?
03:05No talking.
03:05No talking.
03:08I'm hearing moving.
03:14I can't believe I got sixth place.
03:17It is time for us to head over to the electoral scrapyard
03:20and see if we can sell your endorsement for parts.
03:23Okay, I'm gonna go hang myself from a sturdy pipe,
03:26and I'm not even gonna bother jacking off.
03:28Do you have time for a drink beforehand?
03:32Like you're still my favorite son, Joanie.
03:35How does butt-buddy Calhoun do 1% better than me?
03:38Well, you had 3% and he had 4%, so actually he did 33% better than you.
03:44Don't math me, Lloyd.
03:46Math is a plot invented by the Chinese to make smart Americans feel dumb.
03:51Joan, modern math was invented by Islamic scholars in the 7th century.
03:55You were invented by Islamic scholars in the 7th century.
03:59Fern.
04:00Sorry, Dad.
04:01Okay, Joanie, please don't yell at Lloyd.
04:03Please, he's just-
04:04Sorry, what is that on your finger?
04:05Is that a ring?
04:06Well, actually, I asked your mom to marry me again,
04:09and I'm hoping we can get your blessing.
04:11No, you don't have it.
04:16Oh, St. Therese's gray-haired gunk, they're fucking again?
04:27I'm sorry I'm late.
04:28The Meijer victory party's still raging.
04:32They got some great coke.
04:33I can't believe you backed another candidate, Uncle Judas.
04:37You know, when I'm president-
04:38Shut the fuck up when you're president.
04:41I'll jam my fist up my dickhole
04:43and pull out a 40-piece set of Danish cutlery when you're president.
04:47Selina Meijer's a legitimate candidate, not a human pool skimmer
04:52last used to de-spunk a Provincetown hot tub party.
04:57Congratulations, sis.
04:59Let me know where to send the gift.
05:01Spoiler alert, it's Danish cutlery.
05:05Thanks, Jeff.
05:05See you in church on Sunday.
05:08Gary, I need my tea.
05:10And well-done egg white frittata.
05:12Here you are, ma'am.
05:13Whoa, that startled me.
05:16Why are you Gary?
05:17I had an early morning meeting.
05:19Well, you can't just replace Gary with another lesbian
05:23and think that I'm not going to notice what-
05:28Wow, this tea is the perfect temperature.
05:30Thank you, ma'am.
05:31I learned from an Afghani warlord.
05:33We should put him on the payroll.
05:34I've laid out your outfit for the day.
05:36Oh.
05:38Oh, wow.
05:39I never thought before to put the Bottega Pumps with the Michael Kors top.
05:43You've been taking fashion advice from a man who dresses like an overgrown ventriloquist, dummy.
05:48That's a solid point.
05:51Oh, is this edible?
05:52No, ma'am.
05:53Oh.
05:58Hello.
05:59Hello.
06:00Mr. Walsh, I'm Blake Stein.
06:02Oh, nice to meet you.
06:04Yeah, we're all ready to eat.
06:05Ah, yep.
06:06Perfect.
06:07Did you see the spread that I ordered?
06:09These are fresh bagels from New York, which I'm very excited about because the president hates bagels.
06:14Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, and she can't even be in the same room with doughnuts.
06:18So why don't we get started?
06:19Yes, of course, of course.
06:20I'd love that.
06:22I would love that.
06:26So, uh, what do we have here?
06:30Here we go.
06:40Mr. Walsh, this is your meeting. You're in charge.
06:45Oh, I know.
06:46I know.
06:47I know.
06:49Of course.
06:52Can I make anyone a plate?
06:59Oh, what up, mojo?
07:01Hey, when are you and I gonna have that pussy eating contest?
07:03You have 10 minutes.
07:04I started timing the moment you knocked.
07:06Ma'am, so good to see you again.
07:10How is that baby? It must be getting big.
07:13It's great.
07:14So the reason that we're here is that Congressman Ryan is considering stepping aside and endorsing.
07:20I want Biden's president.
07:21That's not negotiable.
07:22Oh, I'm willing to negotiate.
07:24What about Department of the Exterior?
07:26Interior.
07:26Oh, we're gonna negotiate against ourselves now, Amy?
07:29Amy, Amy.
07:35If Ellen had a little sister from China, it might help her bond with Mike.
07:41Or, uh, I could bond with the new one.
07:44Tell them about your big new job, Mike.
07:46Oh, gosh, yeah.
07:47I have my own webcast on BuzzFeed.
07:50I call it McClintalk.
07:52A-L-K.
07:53It would be funny if you were American.
07:56So, is everything all right?
07:59Just one last question, Mr. McClintalk.
08:02Are you still close with President Selina Meyer?
08:05Well, full disclosure, she still doesn't like when I eat in front of her.
08:09Very good.
08:10Very good.
08:11If you will just head down the hallway, we will have you sign the application.
08:15Thank you so much.
08:17Mr. McClintalk.
08:19I was wondering if you could deliver a message to President Meyer for me.
08:25Remembering things and reporting them back to people is not my strong suit,
08:28but I could write it down.
08:29Please don't write it down.
08:32Okay.
08:34My father started this youth center for one reason.
08:37Gotta keep the kids off the streets.
08:38That's right.
08:39Gangs and, you know, what you need is more police protection.
08:42Well, as you know, the police are doing most of the shootings.
08:46Yeah, well, the police are out of control.
08:48Well, let me give you the rest of the tour.
08:49Okay.
08:51Huh?
08:51Ma'am, last month, a local eight-year-old boy was shot by a police when his candy bar
08:56was mistaken for a gun.
08:57And how was I supposed to know that?
08:58It was in today's line by line.
09:00You know I don't read what you give me.
09:02I thought I lost you.
09:03Well, let's continue the tour.
09:04Come on, kids are waiting.
09:06Your father was such a great man, and you have inherited not only his good looks,
09:11but also his charisma.
09:13Oh, and now I'm blushing and a little bit crushing.
09:16I would really love to be able to count on your endorsement.
09:19Really?
09:20This time around.
09:20Yeah.
09:22You're going to make me say it.
09:24Say what?
09:26She's going to make me say it.
09:27We've got a sister running, you know.
09:29We got race in the race.
09:31Praise Jesus.
09:32Yes, indeedy.
09:33I've, you know, progressed.
09:35Oh, you've progressed.
09:36Yeah, but you know, your daddy, he used to say to me that I was the blackest white woman
09:43he ever met.
09:44Can I tell you something?
09:46My dad said I told a lot of white women that was his move.
09:48Oh, you know, ma'am, I would love to see you at services on Sunday,
09:52and I would love it if you'd speak to the congregation.
09:54Well, I'm pretty booked up.
09:58Uh, no, just take it away.
10:02Senator Talbott, we believe you are positioned to win the nomination,
10:07and we might be considering suspending Congressman Ryan's campaign.
10:11Definitely the right move.
10:12K-Jazz, ask me what's on my mind.
10:15Fine, what's on your mind, Congressman Ryan?
10:17I'm glad you asked.
10:19Because my mind's on my money, and my money's on my mind.
10:25Lay back.
10:30I thought she'd be more, I thought you'd be more familiar.
10:32Uh, I mean, did you at least watch Martin?
10:35Damn, Gina.
10:36We should go.
10:37What'd she ask?
10:37Just, uh, let us know if we can be of any help.
10:40Could you give me HUD?
10:41Nobody cares about HUD.
10:43Could you give me HUD?
10:44Nobody cares about it.
10:45It's like the fat girl of cabinet posts.
10:49Ma'am, the new anti-Kemmy mail pieces just came in.
10:53What the tragic mulatto fuck?
10:55Kemmy looks like an albino,
10:57and I'm so black people are gonna start calling me articulate.
11:00Hey, ma'am, presenting my first faith-based outreach video.
11:04No.
11:04Okay, good.
11:06Okay, look, guys, if we're not getting the black vote,
11:09then we have to take a hard turn to the white.
11:11Kent, how are we doing with non-college-educated whites?
11:14Look at this.
11:15Underwater, ma'am.
11:16Then how about college-educated whites?
11:18In South Carolina, that is not a significant slice of the pie.
11:22Then we're gonna have to find a way with non-college-educated whites.
11:26Like, what appeals to them?
11:28Okay, fine.
11:28What appeals to them?
11:30What do they want?
11:30Well, my polling shows their main wants are jobs, education,
11:34and an adequate safety net.
11:36Okay, I can speak to that.
11:37I'm not finished, ma'am.
11:39To be denied to African Americans.
11:45Listen, we have to find a way to say those things without actually saying them.
11:52Like a dog whistle.
11:53Yes, exactly.
11:54Okay, you could talk about charter schools.
11:56Come on, that's like a dog whisper.
11:58You could reject an endorsement from a pro-Confederacy group.
12:02That's like a dog exploding spaceship, you know?
12:06I need something loud, not too loud.
12:09Dog chainsaw?
12:10No, that's too droney.
12:11A dog snowmobile.
12:13Why would I know what that even sounds like?
12:15I mean, seriously.
12:16A dog leaf blower.
12:18Yeah.
12:19That's right.
12:19I like that.
12:20Just exactly like a dog chainsaw.
12:22No, it doesn't.
12:23Very different sounds.
12:24It's a little bit higher registers.
12:27Okay, this is closed.
12:29I don't know what this is closed.
12:30Lee Moon, what is Gary doing here?
12:32This is my first strategic meeting at the big table.
12:34Okay, guys, what you need to do is get me in front of huge white audiences, okay?
12:40Something that makes a NASCAR race look like a Jay-Z concert, you know?
12:44Actually, ma'am, Jay-Z concerts are almost all white people.
12:47Okay, well, right?
12:48Hey, guys.
12:50Big news.
12:51Wendy and I are adopting another Chinese baby.
12:53Were you registered in Child Protective Services?
12:55No.
12:56Gymboree.
12:57I love that they make clothes in your size now, Mike.
12:59Oh, gosh, ma'am, I forgot.
13:00The guy at the Chinese consulate said he had a message for you from President Liu.
13:06Wait, what?
13:06He said President Liu is watching the election with great interest
13:10and hopes to return to your conversation about the D.I.U. Islands in the near future.
13:16Hey, can you go look at Gary's faith video?
13:20Yeah, they need some help.
13:21Oh, sure.
13:22You need the McClintock spins?
13:23Sure.
13:24Okay.
13:25Oh, hey, ma'am, you got a moment?
13:26No.
13:27Copy that.
13:28What the fuck?
13:30Out!
13:35What was that?
13:36Liu sent you a message inside, Mike.
13:40A misfortune cookie.
13:41Who cares about an island that doesn't have four seasons on it?
13:45The D.I.U. Islands are important to the Chinese militarily,
13:48but the United States still does not recognize them as Chinese territory.
13:52Surely Liu recognizes that I can't recognize Diddley's squad.
13:58Unless...
13:59You become president.
14:00So what, you think that Liu is trying to help me become president?
14:04Don't finish that sentence, ma'am.
14:06We can't ham this discussion.
14:07We are still a nation of laws.
14:10Ish.
14:11Esk.
14:11Of course, but let's be clear about what we're not talking about, okay?
14:17We are not talking about letting the Chinese influence our presidential election,
14:23and certainly not in exchange for me recognizing those islands.
14:27And since it is not being discussed,
14:29then I do not have to mention that you cannot trust the Chinese,
14:34and they will not sell you out in a Beijing minute.
14:39Wait, they will or they won't?
14:42I don't know.
14:43Well, I mean, can't we not not do the things that we're not talking about?
14:50I'm totally lost.
14:52Wait, do you think Captain Lady Kangaroo heard any of that?
14:54I don't think so.
14:55No? Okay, good.
14:57Fire her anyway, just to be sure.
14:59Consider her green-jeaned, ma'am.
15:02Oh, ma'am, big news.
15:04Tom James called.
15:05He wants a meeting.
15:05Is he dropping out?
15:06A James endorsement right now would be a game-changer.
15:09Set it up.
15:09I want to see Tommy, babe.
15:11Okay.
15:14So how's little Richard doing with salad foods?
15:17Don't ask me, ask her.
15:18Apparently, she's in charge of him now.
15:19Katherine, please don't do this.
15:21You stole our baby, and you took him to church.
15:24He saw a male Jesus.
15:26But my uncle stole me.
15:27I don't remember where he took me,
15:29but I do have this recurring dream where I almost find out.
15:32Richard, what's that noise?
15:35Oh, it's a crop duster.
15:36Seems to be quite pretty low.
15:38I'm sick, baby.
15:39Not that low.
15:41Oh, sweet male Jesus.
15:42Richard, are you okay?
15:49Carrie, you're growing your hair.
15:51That's an amusing joke, Senator James.
15:54Senator, hello.
15:56And President.
15:57Marjorie, thanks very much.
15:58You can leave.
15:59Or I could stay, for safety's sake.
16:02I'm a model of discretion.
16:03Oh, you can be discreet out in the hallway.
16:08You just left her in there?
16:10With him?
16:11I was following orders.
16:12So was Hitler.
16:14Marjorie, there's something that you need to see.
16:16Katherine, little Richard is not sick.
16:18Please stop taking his temperature.
16:20No, it's big Richard.
16:26I'm here reporting from Lurleen, Iowa.
16:29Where earlier today, an airplane crashed into the local 7-Eleven.
16:33Miraculously, there were no fatalities due in no small part
16:37to the heroics of Lurleen's own mayor, Richard Splett.
16:42Mayor Splett, what happened?
16:44Well, a crop duster clipped the power line and bumped into a local 7-Eleven.
16:49We're working with FEMA to bring in emergency supplies of cigarettes.
16:52I've never been more proud I taught that man to ejaculate into a cup.
16:56All right, Senator James.
16:57What's it gonna be?
16:58I've heard you had a yen for treasury.
17:01I think a lot of my supporters would actually think that state was more appropriate.
17:06Ouch.
17:07Things are that bad at home, huh?
17:09Lest you say that a few international tours would ease domestic tensions.
17:18Well, it's pretty early days, though.
17:20You know, and still moving pieces around.
17:23Foggy Bottom is a pretty big plum to be giving away so soon.
17:29Although Secretary of State is only really powerful
17:32if he or she has a close personal relationship with the president.
17:38I don't know.
17:39Tom, I have to tell you, I'm really not convinced.
17:42Well, if you like, I could walk you through my foreign policy ideas.
17:46You familiar with peace through strength?
17:49Keep talking like Rick and I'll work it like Nancy.
17:53Congressman?
18:03Governor?
18:07Were you followed?
18:09I don't know.
18:11So what would you offer me as far as a cabinet position in exchange for my endorsement?
18:17Whoops.
18:19I guess we got ourselves a gift of the magi situation here.
18:22I was going to ask you for the same thing.
18:25Wait, you're dropping out?
18:26Maybe.
18:28Maybe not.
18:29But I was going to ask you for Secretary of Interior.
18:31Were you going to ask for Interior and then settle for HUD?
18:35Dang it.
18:37So busted.
18:39Hey, is that Amy?
18:41Oh, she said to say no.
18:45Get in the car!
18:46No, yeah, that's definitely Amy.
18:47Oh.
18:50See you later, man.
18:50Good luck, bro.
18:51Yeah.
18:52Oh, morning, boys.
18:53Morning, ma'am.
18:54Our good friend Tom James just called a press conference.
18:57Oh, has he now?
18:58Wow.
18:59I need fruit.
19:00I'm on it.
19:01I'm on it.
19:02Ma'am?
19:03Yeah?
19:03Please tell me you didn't promise some state?
19:05There is no way I would appoint anyone competent to anything in my cabinet.
19:10Morning.
19:11Thank you for coming.
19:14Cloudberries are organic and Icelandic.
19:16How lovely.
19:17I have decided to suspend my campaign for President of the United States.
19:21Oh, no.
19:22Oh, Tom, stay strong.
19:25Will you be making an endorsement?
19:29I'd like to give my strongest and most full-throated support
19:33to the person who has proven time and time again to be a born leader.
19:39I wonder who that could be.
19:41Tell me who that is.
19:44But unfortunately, that candidate has not yet emerged and shows no sign of doing so.
19:50Huh?
19:51These are early days.
19:53There's a lot of moving pieces.
19:55But I will not be endorsing just yet.
19:58What?
20:01Son of a bitch wouldn't endorse you.
20:03That too.
20:04Ma'am, it's time to just give up on South Carolina.
20:06No, no, move, move.
20:09Are you kidding me?
20:10We can't let Kami get a foothold in South Carolina.
20:14Think.
20:17Oh, you call Dr. Thomas.
20:21And you tell him, yeah, I'll speak before his congregation tomorrow.
20:24Ma'am, we need white voters.
20:26I mean, that's not going to work.
20:28It will if I give a speech in support of local law enforcement
20:32and that cop who killed that kid who threatened him with the candy bar.
20:37Okay, so you want to blow a dog whistle in a black church?
20:41I mean, that's like blowing a rape whistle while you're raping somebody.
20:44Exactly.
20:45Speak truth to powerless.
20:47I like that very much.
20:48Write that down, Leon.
20:49Here's a fruit.
20:51Honeydew?
20:51If I want to pretend to be in the CNN green room,
20:54I'll draw a face on Ben's ass and call that Christiane Amanpour.
20:59Jonah, what's this mishugas about you dropping out of the race?
21:03That can't happen.
21:04Chicken?
21:05Mr. Tanz, they say that I have no chance of winning.
21:07Who said anything about winning?
21:09You, I thought you said I was going to be president.
21:11No, you did.
21:13Made me chuckle every time.
21:14I never thought you could win.
21:15Well, then why the fuck am I running, sir?
21:17As terribly as you're doing, you're still winning delegates.
21:21Mostly crazy cuckoos, but you multiply that by 50 states.
21:26I can force the party to make some tweaks to the platform at their convention.
21:31Stricter marijuana laws.
21:33I need potheads in my prisons.
21:36Otherwise, there's just murderers and rapists.
21:38It makes for a very unpleasant atmosphere.
21:41I wish I'd aborted myself.
21:43Wait, so no one's really trying to make me president?
21:45No one.
21:46So this is all just to keep the chronic illegal?
21:48No, he gets it.
21:50Plus, I need more casino licenses from Macau.
21:53I know it sounds a little specific, but in the end, it'll benefit all Americans.
21:58Toodle-oo.
22:00President Selina Meyer.
22:02Hello, Reverend.
22:03Good for you, girl.
22:04I can't believe you did this.
22:05Yeah.
22:05You don't quit.
22:07No, I don't.
22:08I like that.
22:09Do you?
22:09I do.
22:10Good.
22:10And I love that little hat.
22:13Yeah, this whole congregation is going to love that little hat.
22:16Oh, God.
22:19I think he has a crush on me.
22:20Yeah.
22:21He does not, Mel.
22:22Oh, come on.
22:23I appreciate your honesty, Marjorie.
22:25Okay.
22:26I mean, not that it matters.
22:28He certainly isn't gonna after I read this manifesto.
22:32Permission to roll your breast, Mel?
22:33Oh, granted.
22:38Good morning, everybody.
22:39Good morning.
22:41We have a special guest today.
22:43Um, I'm pretty sure that you can imagine that I'm a firm supporter of the separation
22:50of church and state.
22:52Because this is the Lord's house.
22:55Not the White House, but soon to be the Black House.
23:03Brothers and sisters, please welcome President Selina Meyer.
23:08Thank you, Reverend.
23:10Good morning.
23:13I don't need to tell you that church is a special place.
23:19That's right.
23:20But it's also a place for truth, isn't it?
23:25That's right.
23:26And what happened recently in your community to that young boy is very sad.
23:36But here's the hard truth.
23:40There are many victims here, and you might not want to hear this.
23:50But the real victims are the police.
23:55Are the police-ing, policing that America does in the South China Sea.
24:09That's right.
24:10I went there.
24:11It is time for America to recognize Chinese sovereignty over the Diaoyu Islands and the
24:19disputed mineral rights of the surrounding seabed.
24:23Can I get an amen?
24:26Amen.
24:28Hello, everyone.
24:29I'm Mike McClintock, and welcome to the first episode of McClintock.
24:33I mean talk.
24:34Today, I have a BuzzFeed exclusive.
24:37We are getting the first national interview with Lurleen, Iowa's dog mayor, who it turns
24:42out is not a dog, but a human.
24:44Mayor Richard Splett, are you there?
24:46Hi, Mike.
24:47I'm a big fan of the show.
24:49Mayor Splett, how does it feel to be the hero of 7-Eleven?
24:52Oh, I'm no hero.
24:53I'm just a mayor who now temporarily has a slurping machine in his office.
24:57I need my iPad.
24:59Mayor Splett, did you realize what you were doing was so courageous?
25:03Oh, good question.
25:04It's actually Wendy's.
25:06I guess I just did what anybody would do if they were there, except the people who were
25:09there and didn't do anything.
25:10Well, you heard it here first.
25:12Stick around for more McClintock with Mike McClintock.
25:18Spare a nanosecond for first mate Quinn?
25:20What do you want, Keith?
25:23Well, okay.
25:25Wozzeye, Charlie Bonbon.
25:31Uh, is that Mandarin?
25:33Yes, it was.
25:34I happened to consult for a number of very large clients in Asia who have a strong interest
25:39in Sino-American relations, and they were very, very impressed and delighted by your
25:45sermon.
25:46I don't know what you're talking about.
25:47No, I would say that we're well past the point of plausible deniability at this point.
25:52I gotta tell you, I haven't committed to anything, and I haven't...
25:56Actually, hey, ma'am, can I share the news with you?
25:59What?
25:59You need to hear this.
26:00The Faith-Based Initiative just raised $25 million.
26:04Wow, way to go, buddy.
26:06All of a sudden, out of nowhere, anonymously.
26:10Okay, now get out of your hair, ma'am.
26:13Okay.
26:14Must have been the video I made, right?
26:16Well, I can't think of any other reason.
26:18But let's be honest, God had a lot to do with it, too.
26:21Oh, sure.
26:22Yeah.
26:23Let's go spend $25 million on some racist robocalls.
26:26Praise the Lord.
26:31You know who else thinks that I don't have the intelligence or the tenterment to be president?
26:38My very own campaign staff.
26:41That's right.
26:42They have been trying to stop me from becoming president.
26:46Yeah, no, yeah, let them have it.
26:48That is my campaign chair, Amy Bruckheimer.
26:51She recently had an abortion.
26:54That is my chief strategist, Teddy Sykes.
26:57And he is an overgrown midget who had to be chemically castrated.
27:01And that guy right there, that's Eric something?
27:06Bill Erickson.
27:07That's Eric Bill Erickson.
27:09And he thinks he's better than everybody else in this room.
27:12I've never seen anything like this.
27:14He's actually running against his own campaign.
27:17Macau, here we come.
27:19And one more thing.
27:20I just found out from my stupid stepfather.
27:23Father-in-law.
27:24From my stupid stepfather-in-law that math was created by Muslims.
27:32Yeah.
27:32And we teach this Islamic math to children.
27:37Math teachers are terrorists.
27:41They might not.
27:41I love this.
27:43Okay, that's it.
27:44I may be a registered sex offender, but I cannot be a part of this.
27:47I'm gone.
27:48Algebra?
27:49More like Al-Jazeera.
27:52Under a Ryan presidency, I will ban this Sharia math from being taught to American children.
28:00Then you're coming?
28:00There will be no more math.
28:02One sec.
28:03No more math!
28:05No more math!
28:06No more math!
28:08No more math!
28:09God fuck America.
28:11No more math!
28:12No more math!
28:14No more math!
28:16No more math!
28:17No more math!
28:19No more math!
28:21No more math!
28:23She's fine!
28:26Well, I'll tell you one thing.
28:27If we lose, it certainly won't be for lack of touching people in a Denny's.
28:32All right, so how's the turnout?
28:34Like my prostate, mostly black and much larger than we'd like.
28:38We're seeing unprecedented levels of African-American voter engagement.
28:42All right, well, that's terrible.
28:44Also inspiring.
28:46Welcome to McClintock Embedded.
28:48Madam President, would you like to say something to our viewers?
28:51Sir, if you haven't voted, please...
28:54Sorry, I'm getting a call.
28:56I apologize.
28:56It's Wendy.
28:57Oh.
28:58Hey.
29:00No, that was a good time.
29:01What's up?
29:01Can't buy that kind of press.
29:03I'm sorry.
29:04I need to talk to you.
29:05Sparkling water, ma'am?
29:07Yes, oh, perfect.
29:09Close the door.
29:11Okay.
29:12Ben, I sold my soul to the Chinese for a lousy $25 million.
29:18Ma'am, I warned you.
29:19You cannot trust the Chinese.
29:21I married enough of them to know that.
29:23Wait, isn't your wife Korean?
29:25Maybe.
29:26Fog of war.
29:29Ma'am, you want to see this?
29:31Poll watchers are reporting that over 48,000 black voters were turned away
29:37because their middle initials on the voter rolls did not match their identification.
29:42Wait, what?
29:43Yeah, listen to this.
29:44Widespread power outages across the state,
29:47and police are urging residents to stay at home for their own safety.
29:50The outages seem to be occurring primarily in African-American neighborhoods.
29:55It's a total blackout.
29:56Okay, Ben.
29:57Oh, ma'am.
29:57Big news.
29:58Wendy just got a call.
30:00We're going to adopt another baby from China.
30:02You know, I think it's that secret message.
30:09We've got three hours left.
30:10Call the precinct captain right now.
30:12We can turn this.
30:15I think the Chinese just deliver.
30:19And?
30:44From now on, I do what I want.
31:06I take what I want.
31:08Whenever I want it.
31:11New Selena now.
31:12Let's watch my victory speech again.
31:14Yeah.
31:15Yeah.
31:18I don't have the remote.
31:20Oh, it's on the table by the chair.
31:25Let's not go get it.
31:34Good morning, ma'am.
31:35Morning.
31:36Hey, Marjorie.
31:37Look at my eyes.
31:38Tell me straight.
31:39Do they look okay to you?
31:40They look very puffy, ma'am.
31:42Well, I don't know.
31:43Hey, hey, good morning.
31:44Good morning, ma'am.
31:45Morning.
31:47Gary.
31:47Hey, Gary.
31:48Yeah.
31:48Do my eyes look puffy to you?
31:51I'm surprised they let you run for president because you look 34 tops.
31:56Yeah.
31:59Marjorie, you're out.
32:00And you're back in.
32:02Okay, you just go back to whatever you were doing before.
32:05Finance chair.
32:05All right, well, whatever.
32:07So who's in charge of the faith-based outreach now?
32:09Not it.
32:09You are.
32:10Oh, I am?
32:10Yeah, yeah, yeah.
32:11You still are.
32:12And Keith Quinn will help you out, too, I think.
32:14Yes, there you go.
32:15So your name will be all over it, like Jodie Foster and John Hinckley's diary.
32:19Oh my god, I'm obsessed with her.
32:21Let's go.
32:24Congratulations, Gary.
32:26The better woman won.
32:28I'll take that.
32:32I moved some things around.
32:33Oh, did you?
32:36Wow, it looks better.
32:38The tampons are vertical.
32:40That's brilliant.
32:40Gary.
32:41Yep.
32:42Shouldn't you be pre-chewing my mother's food for her?
32:45I told her her eyes looked puffy.
32:48Thank you, Chipmunk.
32:50You're welcome, Katherine.
32:54Hey, O'Danno.
32:54You busting out of here?
32:56Yeah, yeah.
32:56Oh, I mean an itinerary.
32:58Itineraries are only for people who work on the campaign.
33:02And?
33:06Wait, I'm fired?
33:09Per fucking who?
33:10Per Selena.
33:11I believe her words were,
33:13if I need another Washington douche, I'll go to the M Street Rite Aid.
33:17You should flip through your NDA.
33:19If you breathe a word of anything to anyone, we'll slit your throat.
33:26Later, Gator.
33:32Congressman Ryan placed a distant third last night.
33:35Where does the campaign go from here?
33:37Third place was a massive win for us.
33:41Selena Meyer and Kemi Talbot can feel Jonah Ryan breathing down their necks.
33:45Jonah Ryan said he's been lying to everyone the whole time.
33:48Why should anyone trust him now?
33:49Frankly, Jonah Ryan is the only candidate who's honest about his dishonesty.
33:55And that is why Jonah Ryan is the next president of the United States.
34:00Speaking as someone who's covered politics for 20 years,
34:03Jonah Ryan terrifies me.
34:05That's your opinion.
34:05I find his mindless, toxic, fear-mongering,
34:08a dangerous addition to our already divisive political climate.
34:11Again, your opinion.
34:12Tomorrow morning, we will be live with exclusive coverage
34:15of Congressman Ryan's rally in Youngstown, Ohio, only on CNN.
34:24Tell my attorney to meet me in the next filler state we're in.
34:27Because last I heard, you can't run for office and be in prison.
34:30Well, maybe in a house you can.
34:32Our government has assigned you your very own secret service detail.
34:36Congresswoman Ryan, it's an honor.
34:38Oh, yeah!
34:39This is like looking in a mirror.
34:41Yeah, a hot mirror.
34:42I have always been transparent about how old I am.
34:46Yeah, 55.
34:47I believe it's 53.
34:48Late 40s.
34:49You're all correct.
34:50Last night...
34:51I don't like when people get closer to talk to me.
34:53It usually means I'm going to be facing a longer prison sentence.
34:56I saw Andrew.