Veep Season 2 Episode 10 D C
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00:00A cloud of suspicion hangs over this administration, where they're cover-ups, lies.
00:21Oh, God, I hate impeachments.
00:24So 90s.
00:25Well, the president now has the Senate and the House after him.
00:29It's gonna rain pain.
00:30So what's POTUS's next move, Jonah?
00:32Oh, these lips are on lockdown.
00:34Right. You don't know.
00:36No, I just have a don't-ask-don't-tell policy about the things that I know.
00:41Or that I don't know.
00:42Jonah, don't talk, don't stay. You need to fuck off and go back to Westworld.
00:47But, ma'am, I...
00:48No, you need to fuck off.
00:49But, ma'am, I...
00:50I said fuck off. Three fucks, you're out.
00:52Yes, ma'am.
00:53Yeah. Uh, guys, everybody in my office, please.
00:58Um, Gary, why don't you come sit here next to me?
01:01Okay.
01:09I've already told Amy this, but I have something that I need to tell you all.
01:13I think I know what you're gonna say.
01:17I've decided I'm not going to join POTUS in the next election. I'm gonna get out.
01:24Yeah.
01:29Ma'am, you have my deepest, deepest sympathies.
01:32Okay, well, I'm not dead.
01:36My plan is that I'm gonna leave in two years.
01:41But then, I'm gonna run for president four years after that.
01:47But in the meantime, I obviously can't keep everybody on.
01:51No, that's okay.
01:53So, um, if you need to look for other jobs, then you need to be thinking about that.
01:58Well, no one's thinking about that right now, ma'am.
02:00Furthest thing from our minds.
02:01I'm still digesting the information.
02:03Although, I shouldn't really take this call. Yeah?
02:05Yeah, yeah, yeah.
02:06Well, your devotion to this job, it's just inspiring Dan and...
02:10He's not getting a call. He's making a call, right?
02:12Hi. Yes, uh, can you please tell, uh, Governor Chung that Dan Egan is ready for the Chung chat?
02:22Hi, Senator McKenzie, how are you?
02:26You really think she'll go? God, that's such a shame.
02:29No, it means I have absolutely nothing to do.
02:32I meant for her.
02:34Still, this might mean that we, we could spend more time together.
02:39Let's take it one day at a time, sweet Jesus.
02:44Thank you so much for seeing me at such short notice, Mr. Davidson.
02:47Happy to, Ms. Wilson. I'm a ardent admirer of your efficiency and precision.
02:52Oh, well in that case, let's get right to it.
02:54Excellent. I respect your brevity. It's almost threatening.
02:58Yes, Congressman Kaczynski. Or should I say mentor Kaczynski?
03:02Yes, sir. Well, I always thought he was a mentor.
03:05Yeah, the father figure of my own dad was too weird and distant to be.
03:08Like that night that you stayed over, and we read the papers the next morning?
03:12Uh-huh.
03:13That was really nice. And I thought, yeah, that is something that I could do for the rest of my life.
03:19Yeah, well, you know, I, I like sleep and newspapers as much as the next person, but.
03:23Right.
03:24The rest of your life, you know, you're gonna get bed sores.
03:27I would have no problem finding you a position within my dream metric team.
03:32Sound good?
03:33Yes, sir.
03:35We are simpatico.
03:36Glad to do business with you, sir.
03:39Yes, yes, Justice Blackwell, how are you? Thank you so much for calling me back.
03:44You fast?
03:45Oh, yeah. They call me the Washington Flash.
03:48Oh, I doubt that.
03:50All right, let's get this over with ASAP. It's not gonna be easy with this big gangly piss flap over here.
03:55Moves like, hey, what do you move like, Will?
03:58I move as slowly as a Mississippi detective investigating the murder of a young black man.
04:03That's right. You ready, Mike?
04:05Yeah. Oh, right behind you.
04:08Hey, ma'am, you know you're gonna break the president's heart with this news.
04:12Wish I could break his spine, but I can't, because it's made of jello.
04:16Come on, you being a thief is the best thing that's ever happened to America.
04:20Gary, it has been shit.
04:23No, it hasn't.
04:24It has. I'm getting out.
04:26Oh, Madam Vice President.
04:27Oh, what did I tell you earlier?
04:29Again?
04:30Yeah.
04:31Excuse me, Ben, gonna go see the president?
04:33Uh, no. No, you're not. He's, uh, canceled, and, uh, you're gonna meet with me instead.
04:38Uh, ma'am, that is what I was going to tell you earlier today, uh, until you told me to—
04:42Fuck off.
04:44Are you finishing my sentence, or are you telling me that again?
04:46Both.
04:49Yes, ma'am.
04:50Good. Go ahead.
04:53Congressman.
04:56Wow, you're too fast. Uh, just wondering if you could use a top press guy?
05:01I really don't have any need for you, Mike. You're kind of obsolete. You're like a Viking stuck in time.
05:07I have excellent contacts.
05:10Really?
05:11Very high up people, sir. Very high up.
05:13Then maybe you could hook me up with Charlize Theron.
05:15Funny, but I'm being serious, sir.
05:17I'm being serious, too. I'd like to fuck her.
05:19Why'd you leave anyway? You get stuck with your dick in the Veep's decaf?
05:23No, we—we just all need new challenges.
05:27We? Was the whole team leaving?
05:29No, no, no, sir.
05:30Holy shit, she's leaving the ticket.
05:32No, absolutely not.
05:34We had a fucking deal. I make Senate in two years, we run together as a team in six.
05:39That was the deal.
05:40Why don't you fucking kill yourself, Will?
05:42Let me be clear, sir. She may be planning to run in six years if she was leaving the ticket, which I have not actually said she will.
05:50Oh, fucking God, thank you for stopping.
05:53You know what? If I didn't already know how shitty you are at your job, you just proved it.
05:58I have some very big news, ma'am.
06:01Oh, I have huge news. In fact, I guarantee you that my news is front-page news.
06:07Your news is probably more like page six Kardashian crap news.
06:12Uh, POTUS knows how this is all going to end.
06:15So, he drank the poison Kool-Aid from my very big blue mug.
06:21Huh?
06:22He isn't going to run again in two years.
06:28Are you serious?
06:30No, I'm Joan fucking Rivers. Of course I'm serious.
06:34Once the party leadership figures out he's not going to run, then all the impeachment bullshit is just going to fade away.
06:41So, um, so why didn't he tell me this? Why are you telling me this?
06:47Because he couldn't stomach the look like that, just like that, of unbridled joy.
06:52Ben, I am, I'm crying very quietly on the inside.
06:57Well, in your mind you're doing pirouettes on his grave.
07:00Don't tell me you're not happy about this. You're finally getting out of here.
07:04Well, it's not the job that's depressing. Life is depressing.
07:11Let's go.
07:16I got it. I can do this. It's fine.
07:24Fuck.
07:28No.
07:33Hi, Sue. We'd like to see the vice president as a matter of some urgency.
07:37No.
07:38Fuck this. I'm going in the side door.
07:39If you do, then Secret Service might break your neck.
07:41That would be a tragedy.
07:42Yeah.
07:43Ma'am.
07:44Oh, hi, Roger.
07:45Can we talk?
07:46Of course we can talk. Hey, could I have my yogurt, please?
07:48Over here.
07:49Yes.
07:50Okay, don't eat it too fast.
07:51Oh, stop it. Nervous Nelly.
07:53All right, give me something sloppy with a spoon to eat.
07:56Do you want some yogurt?
07:57No, thanks.
07:58You look good, by the way.
07:59Oh, thanks.
08:00What are you working out or what?
08:01Yeah, I'm burning calories with the old anxiety diet.
08:05Oh.
08:06You know, the anxiety.
08:07If you want to get some cardio exercise, you have to have a heart.
08:09I heard a pretty lousy rumor that you're not running for re-election with POTUS in two years.
08:15Oh.
08:16And that would be disturbing because I kind of need you to run as VP again, and then I get in the Senate,
08:21and then you and I run together as a team.
08:24Remember, that was the deal.
08:25Yeah, I remember that.
08:26Where did you hear this rumor?
08:27Oh, I heard it from the ginger head man.
08:29The gash with the stash, McClintock.
08:31What, are you kidding me?
08:33Mike sees knowledge as the enemy.
08:35Forget about that.
08:36Then you are running with the president in two years?
08:40I am absolutely running in two years.
08:43And then four years after that, re-election, baby.
08:47What do you mean re-election?
08:50Not re-election, election at that time.
08:52Yep.
08:53You and I, election.
08:54Wait, but why did you say re-election?
08:56What?
08:57You said re-election, which implies that perhaps something else is going on.
09:02I meant election.
09:03You know what I meant?
09:04But you said re-election.
09:05I meant election, okay?
09:07It's like saying flammable or inflammable.
09:10It's the same thing.
09:11I smell fucking rat.
09:13Oh, stop it.
09:14You know that?
09:15I'll tell you what it is, too.
09:16It's this whole administration, and I'm going to light a fire under the whole thing.
09:19Then we'll find out whether it's flammable or inflammable.
09:22Inflammable.
09:23Come on, Wilbo faggots, let's go.
09:27Okay, where are my beautiful veeple people?
09:30There's one.
09:31I need my veeple to come into my office, please.
09:35Hey, it's Jay Diddy, ladies.
09:38Get giddy.
09:39Jonah.
09:40Hey, listen.
09:41Settle something for me.
09:42Okay.
09:43You like to have sex and you like to travel?
09:45Yes, ma'am.
09:46Then you can.
09:49But I shall be right here if you need me, like the mighty oak that stands for Smem.
09:56Um, I have something to say.
09:59I have literally no idea what you're going to say.
10:02I am not leaving.
10:04POTUS is leaving.
10:07He's not going to run for a second term.
10:10I'm going to run.
10:15I did not see that coming.
10:17Selina Meyer, she's evil as fire.
10:20Boom, let's go to the fucking moon.
10:23I was this close to living on my boat.
10:26Congratulations, ma'am.
10:30Can you give me some time with my core team, Ed?
10:38Of course.
10:41I feel as though I may have missed something if you need to fill me in on the...
10:47Hey, what happened in there?
10:49We're celebrating because you weren't in there.
10:54Gears are already turning.
10:56I see like a light bulb above your head.
10:58Bing.
10:59Okay, now listen.
11:00So, you guys don't need to take other jobs.
11:03You're here with me.
11:06I've accepted a number of posts.
11:09Did you say a number?
11:11Currently four.
11:12Wow.
11:13You're going to cancel them, right?
11:14Oh, clearly.
11:15Yeah.
11:16Oh, yeah.
11:17I've said no to everything, ma'am.
11:18I am here for you.
11:19Good.
11:20Hey, ma'am.
11:21I took a job also.
11:27I didn't mean you, Gary.
11:29I know.
11:30What job?
11:32What job?
11:34I'm going into business with Dana, and we're doing D&G cheese overseas.
11:41Cheese?
11:42And it's overseas.
11:43Wait a minute.
11:44You're choosing dead milk over me?
11:46No, don't say that.
11:47That's not true.
11:48Well, you're just going to have to tell her you're not going to do that.
11:51I can't.
11:52I can't tell her that.
11:53Why not?
11:54Are you scared of her?
11:55Yeah.
11:56Okay.
11:58Gary.
11:59You cannot let this woman have control over you.
12:03Okay?
12:04I mean, seriously.
12:05You've got to stick up for yourself.
12:07You've got to work for me.
12:08Right.
12:09Right.
12:10Okay?
12:11She scares me a lot.
12:12All right.
12:13Call her in, and I'm going to talk to her.
12:14Okay?
12:15Yeah.
12:16Yeah.
12:17Got it?
12:18Ma'am, science fair in 30 minutes.
12:19Okay.
12:20You go deal with that, and you cover for Gary.
12:21Okay?
12:22You trust me with that Leviathan?
12:23Uh, ma'am, I left my Blackberry in.
12:26Okay, now listen.
12:27I got this science fair thing.
12:28So I want to make my speech a little bit more, you know, presidential.
12:32Yeah.
12:33Like I'm Marilyn Monroe, just JFK the fuck out of me.
12:37Ooh.
12:38I got something.
12:39You do?
12:40Yeah, I do.
12:41I got something.
12:42Fantastic.
12:43I'm just completely in the dark.
12:44If...
12:45I'm going to go call Andrew.
12:46Mm-mm-mm.
12:47Uh, uh...
12:48No, no, no, no, no.
12:49It's all about crazy money, Aim.
12:50He's got the crazy money, and I'm crazy enough to go get it.
12:54As long as it's strictly business.
12:58Andy?
12:59It's me.
13:00It's Lee.
13:02Can you come...
13:03here?
13:11Oh, there he is.
13:13Hey, quit being so hot.
13:14You're going to melt all my cheese.
13:16Say hi.
13:17Say hi.
13:18Hey, what's wrong?
13:19You look like you did when I asked you to talk dirty.
13:22You were just like, I'm in you right now.
13:25Stop, stop, stop.
13:26Listen, I need to...
13:27I wanted to talk to you about something.
13:29Selina's going to stay.
13:30Okay, well, that ship has sailed.
13:32You're on the good ship Pecorino now.
13:35Yeah, I'm going to stay, too, I think.
13:37No.
13:38Okay, listen, if I can do...
13:39No, no, no, where's the Toscano?
13:41It's at D-12.
13:42That's right over there.
13:43Okay?
13:44She needs me.
13:45It's like I'm her central nervous system over there.
13:46Honey, she'll get another bag bunny.
13:48I just know it.
13:49No, Brett, it's further down.
13:50That's a Sardo bunny.
13:52Okay, I'm not a bag bunny.
13:54It's like I'm Selina's soulmate over there.
13:57Okay, I love the stinkin' shit out of you, Gary.
14:00She doesn't love you, okay?
14:01She doesn't care.
14:02You're just a guy that does a job for her.
14:04That's not true.
14:05All right, who's more important to you, me or her?
14:08Okay, that choice, there's no way...
14:10Do we have any with black truffle?
14:11That's F-15, okay?
14:13F-15.
14:14Listen, the choice you're giving me between you and her, that's impossible.
14:17Sorry, not black truffle, I meant white truffle.
14:19That's next to the black truffle.
14:20Okay, what the fuck is wrong with you, Brett?
14:22This is not a big place, is it?
14:24It's not a big place.
14:25Sorry, but you guys like some space?
14:27No!
14:28Stay right where you are.
14:30Okay, listen, she wants to talk to you.
14:32She wants to explain this to you.
14:33Fine.
14:34Okay?
14:35I'll go.
14:36Please?
14:37I'm not afraid to fight for you, Gary.
14:38That's the truth.
14:39No, no, no, no, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh.
14:40Let's literally not fight, all right?
14:41Okay?
14:42That's good cheese.
14:47Amy, this is really happening.
14:49You know, listen, just ignore that earlier me, the little house on the prairie bullshit.
14:53No, updated me, totally career focused and shooting for the White House.
14:57Of course, and I am right behind slash beside you.
15:01You, chief of staff to the president.
15:03Me, chief of sexiness and spooning.
15:08Yeah, but, um, as I said, the focus right now has got to be...
15:13Hey, Amy?
15:14Yes?
15:15Can I talk to you about something?
15:17Accidental dick move.
15:19I, uh, I had to write Selena's speech for the science fair so fast that I, uh, I think
15:24I plagiarized the speech that I wrote for Chung.
15:27So here's Selena's hard copy, and Chung's is already up on his YouTube.
15:32I, uh, met a young woman named Juanita.
15:35Oh, here's the dick.
15:36And it's not about what America means to me.
15:39It's what I mean to America.
15:41Because America would be nothing without Americans.
15:44Jesus, you wrote this shit?
15:46Yeah, it's like, uh, noun, verb, gumbo.
15:49So it's the fictitious girl, I gave her the same girl.
15:51Although I did change it from Juanita to Anita.
15:54Oh, that's a brilliant plan.
15:56Why don't you change America to America?
15:58Yeah, I'm calling, like...
15:59No, I already tried it.
16:00I went straight to voicemail.
16:01I met this young scientist named Anita.
16:05And I said to her, what does science mean to you?
16:08You got a charger?
16:09What does science mean to you?
16:11And she said, it's not what science means to me.
16:15It's what I mean to science.
16:18Let's do this one first.
16:19This is a mappable social media cloud for pets.
16:22Oh, I'm impressed with that.
16:23Home run.
16:24Listen, let me tell you something.
16:25Three words.
16:26Caucus, primary, money.
16:28Right?
16:29Go big.
16:30No, four words.
16:31Money again.
16:32Right?
16:33Because this is what we need.
16:34We need a lot of money.
16:35This is Rachel and Erica over here, ma'am.
16:36Oh, wow.
16:37What is this?
16:38Oh, I would love to look at that.
16:39Oh, and I just had a thought.
16:41Remember that I want a steak fry thing?
16:44We need to go to that.
16:45Yeah.
16:46Seriously, this is a lot of money there.
16:47And steak.
16:48And steak.
16:49I love it.
16:50So, I know what you're thinking, Madam Vice President.
16:53You do?
16:54A combined space, right?
16:55But it's a humane environment.
16:57Well, from up here, they look like ants.
17:00That's a joke.
17:02Because they are ants.
17:04This way, ma'am.
17:05This is some kind of robot.
17:07Really?
17:08That's it?
17:09Excuse me.
17:10Hey.
17:11Joe fucking Slo.
17:12You ever think about answering your phone?
17:14Chill out.
17:15I lost my charger.
17:16You got one?
17:17You're at a science fair.
17:18One of these kids could build you a charger.
17:20What's the problem?
17:21Ben's been trying to get in touch with the people.
17:23All right.
17:24Well, she's busy.
17:25Sorry there, Todd.
17:26Just real quick.
17:27Oh.
17:28Matters of state.
17:29Sir, I have the Vice President for you.
17:30It's Ben.
17:31Give her a little space.
17:32Hi, Ben.
17:33How's it going?
17:34It has been spraying all over town that you think POTUS is going to quit.
17:40What?
17:41I didn't say anything to that crusty-ass clown.
17:44I might have mixed up a couple words, but...
17:46Well, now POTUS can't say that he won't be running for re-election because it'll look like he's being pushed out.
17:51So now our spineless, flip-floppy fuckbag is staying.
17:56Oh, boy.
17:58Is everything okay?
17:59Gotta get out of here before it's set fire to one of these nerds.
18:02Okay.
18:03Okay, let's go.
18:04That's my car.
18:07Madam Vice President.
18:08No.
18:09We're so sorry.
18:10She really likes it, but unfortunately she's out of time, you guys.
18:12But this man right here is going to take over for her.
18:15Don't fuck this up.
18:17This is a public relations nightmare waiting to happen.
18:19Promise them everything.
18:21Thank you, kids.
18:22I'm sorry.
18:31Ma'am, are you, uh...
18:48I thought you'd like this spot.
18:50It's V's current go-to place for these off-the-record meets.
18:53Good choice.
18:54Under the radar, as we used to say in the military.
18:57Yeah.
18:58Yeah, I think other people say that, too.
18:59No, it's about loyalty to the truth.
19:02And to the American people.
19:04Furlong and Doyle have turned their guns on the president.
19:07That's the worst kind of friendly fire.
19:09The unfriendly kind.
19:11Yeah, oh, Danny, I just wanted to let you know.
19:13One of your anecdotes may have accidentally made its way into a veep speech via me.
19:18And I'd really appreciate it if you could just let this one slide.
19:20Selina's a plagiarist?
19:22It's perfect.
19:23You just handed me a silver bullet.
19:25And as you know, I'm a good shot.
19:27I might, uh...
19:28I might back away, though, from calling her a liar.
19:31After all, you didn't really meet anyone named Juanita who said that, so...
19:34No, I did.
19:35As I recall, it went something like, uh...
19:37Mr. Ching, I come to America to work.
19:40I send money home, but life here is so hard for me.
19:44I didn't know you did voices.
19:49Sue, come here.
19:51Where's Dan?
19:53He's... He stepped out.
19:55Um...
19:57POTUS has decided that he is, uh, staying.
20:02And he's going to seek re-election after all, so...
20:06Of course he wants to stay.
20:07Could you just not?
20:11So, he's... He's running for a second term, which means I won't be running for a first term.
20:16So, there's no point in my staying. I'm just gonna leave.
20:19So, he changed his mind again.
20:22Yeah.
20:23Jesus, the inside of his head must be like an Usher drawing.
20:26Ma'am, Andrew's here to see you.
20:28Oh, good. More hurt and disappointment.
20:30There is one other thing that, uh...
20:33And I'm so sorry to let you down, but...
20:37I'm gonna stay with Selena.
20:40You think you get to decide on whether or not I hire you?
20:45There are plenty of Dans out there, Dan.
20:47Look around.
20:50Sorry, kid.
20:53Hey, don't call me kid, okay?
20:55I mean, A, you're not Jimmy Cagney, alright?
20:58And B, we're practically the same fucking age.
21:00Oh, then it must really hurt to know how much more I've achieved in life.
21:03Decorated veteran, president-in-waiting.
21:06Oh, okay, well, do you see this?
21:08Do you see this right here? You know what this is?
21:09This is me playing fuck you on the world's biggest cello.
21:12Oh, I think someone just suicide-bombed their own future.
21:15Oh, God. You know, if I had a dollar for every time you mentioned that goddamn war,
21:19I would buy a tank and I would blow your fat fucking head off.
21:21Wow.
21:23I'm sorry, Dan. I hate to leave a man down, but...
21:26I'll see you around.
21:31Danny, Danny, hey.
21:32Are you fucking kidding me? You brought me over here for nothing?
21:36Are you really talking to me like this right now?
21:39I am in a bad way.
21:42Honestly, it's so out of line. It's so out of line.
21:47You get fucked by everybody in D.C.
21:49Your friends, your enemies, your colleagues, your fucking family.
21:54That's Washington, D.C. for you. D.C., District of Cunts.
21:58Uh, ma'am, you remember Sally, TJ, and Paul.
22:02This is my nerd herd, and I mean that affectionately.
22:05Jonah, this is a restricted area. Uh, we're like Area 51, except more restricted.
22:09Jonah, can you come here just for a second?
22:11Yeah.
22:12Um, do you want to fill me in as to what's going on right now?
22:14Uh, yes, ma'am. Your abrupt exit from the science fair might need a PR fix,
22:18so you have to give these guys a West Wing tour.
22:20What?
22:21Uh, ma'am?
22:22This has got to stop.
22:23You should be aware that the President is on his way.
22:25Hey, why don't we go sit on these chairs for a second?
22:27What did you say? The President is coming here?
22:29Yes.
22:30Why? He never comes here. Why is he coming here?
22:31I don't know. Information-wise, I am becalmed.
22:33The President is coming here?
22:35Gary, Dana just cleared security. This is anarchy.
22:38Hey, ma'am, is now a bad time to talk to Dana?
22:41Yeah!
22:42Okay, let me just fix that. I'll fix that.
22:49Gary, who am I going to marry?
22:51Fiancee in the house.
22:52I know.
22:53This is not a good time, baby.
22:55I brought the Pecorino Duo Grande sampler. Shaved and graded.
22:59Okay, you know what? I'll just give this to her. I'll give it to her.
23:01Why? Oh, my God. Is this Selena? Right? She doesn't like me. Is that it?
23:05Are you kidding? She loves you.
23:06The what?
23:07It's just...
23:10Bonus is coming.
23:11Oh, my God.
23:12Okay, so there's a lot of security and he doesn't like a lot of people around.
23:15He should get the basket.
23:16Okay.
23:17Right? We'll get him to tweet about it. It'll be great publicity.
23:19You know I'm right.
23:20Is he going to drop me from the ticket? Is that what's going on now?
23:22No idea.
23:23Okay, he's gone postal.
23:24No, no, no, no.
23:25You've got to mellow yellow.
23:26Don't tell me not to panic. I know how to freak out, okay?
23:30Everybody can just shut their shit up.
23:33I've got to think.
23:34Okay.
23:36I know what she's like.
23:37Andrew, don't talk to me.
23:39Ma'am, should I get Jonah to get the kids out?
23:41I'll get Jonah to get the kids out.
23:42Jonah, why don't you put the kids in my office?
23:44Mike.
23:45Yes.
23:46Mike.
23:47Mike.
23:48Mike.
23:49Mike.
23:50Mike.
23:51Mike.
23:52I'm here. I'm here. I'm here.
23:53Come here.
23:54We've got to make a statement, okay?
23:55Because I think Bonus is coming here to kick me off the ticket.
23:58And I've got to make a statement saying I'm leaving the ticket before he drops me from it.
24:01You know, I've got to jump before we get stabbed in the back.
24:03Okay, Danny Chung is making an announcement.
24:05What?
24:06I was proud to serve in the military.
24:08I'm proud to serve as a governor.
24:10Today, I've set up an exploratory committee to look into whether, in a couple of years,
24:16I might be of use serving at an even higher level.
24:20Did she make you happy? Because I make you happy.
24:23Of course you make me happy, baby.
24:25You make me happy, baby.
24:26There's those balloons.
24:27Oh, my God.
24:28What is going on?
24:30We're going to talk about my life.
24:32We're leaving home.
24:33You are my diamond, okay?
24:34I'm a diamond in the rough.
24:35I know you're a diamond.
24:36Get your hands off me.
24:37I know what I'm going to do.
24:39I'm going to run against Chung, okay?
24:42I'm going to take myself off the ticket.
24:44I'll run against Chung, and I'll run against POTUS.
24:47It'll be like a political massacre.
24:49Quit freaking out.
24:50You need to get your head together.
24:51What do you mean I need to get my head together?
24:53The president's going to be here any second.
24:54Lookie, lookie, lookie, lookie.
24:56This is for you.
24:57What?
24:58It's like a Pecorino cheese offering.
25:00What in the crippling fuck is going on with you?
25:02I got rid of Dana.
25:03You got to get out of here.
25:04Okay.
25:05Get out of here.
25:06I have POTUS incoming.
25:07I have POTUS incoming.
25:09Make a statement, Mike.
25:10About what?
25:11Everything.
25:12All possible statements that you can even think of.
25:14Okay, I'll come up with something.
25:16Let's go say hi to POTUS.
25:17Don't talk to me like I'm a crazy person.
25:19I didn't mean to.
25:20I came out weird.
25:21Make a hole, yo.
25:22POTUS coming through.
25:23Make a hole.
25:26You're not the president.
25:27No, but you're not Justin Bieber either, are you, sport?
25:30Ma'am, POTUS is here.
25:33Where?
25:34Has he been miniaturized?
25:36He's right in that room.
25:38Would you care to join him in your office?
25:44Am I about to get whacked?
25:45No, no, no.
25:46Doug, it's good to see you again.
25:50Your boss wants to see you.
25:52Why keep him waiting?
25:57What's going on here?
25:59What is it?
26:00Bring a disparate person to work day?
26:02Uh, Selena is about to get a potal bullet through the head,
26:05and you are all about to be unemployed and homeless.
26:08But, Amy, I don't want you to worry you can crash at my place.
26:11We're so fucked.
26:12We're so fucked.
26:13We've fucked DC over so many different ways.
26:15No one's gonna hire us now.
26:18How am I gonna pay for my fucking boat?
26:20Enough about the fucking boat, Mike.
26:22Take a flare gun, put it in your mouth, and blow your head off.
26:24Listen to yourself.
26:25You people are monsters.
26:26Ed, you really need to can it right now.
26:28Do not comment on this office, okay?
26:30Hey, Sue, don't talk to me that way, okay?
26:32You're the secretary to the vice president.
26:34That's like being Garfunkel's roadie, okay?
26:38So this is Selena's team in action.
26:41That explains a lot to me.
26:43Likewise.
26:44Yeah, well, actually, better than my team.
26:46My team is just fucking horrible.
26:50I love you.
26:54Ma'am?
26:56Hi?
26:58I think I know what you're gonna say, but I don't want to jinx it.
27:01POTUS is not gonna be running for a second term.
27:07Oh, my God.
27:08I'm gonna run.
27:10Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
27:11Ma'am, give me the straight poop here.
27:13Is this for real?
27:14It's totally for real.
27:15Oh, thank you.
27:16Thank you, thank you.
27:18Can we make it public?
27:19No, we can't wait for POTUS to make a statement.
27:21Okay, okay, okay.
27:33Ma'am, of all the places that I have liaised,
27:35I have enjoyed liaising here the most.
27:37Okay, guys, we don't want to get our head of ourselves here.
27:40We've got a lot of work.
27:42A lot of work.
27:43Right?
27:44We're going all the way.
27:45And for the record, ma'am, I always believed in you.
27:47Well, I have to say that I believed in me, too.
27:51Of course.
27:53POTUS, he knew the gig was up
27:55because Doyle, Furlong, Chung
27:59all turned the party against him.
28:01I mean, it was just, you know, R.I.P. Otis.
28:03Just complete sinking shit.
28:07He had to go.
28:08Together, we are going to make history.
28:10We're going to the White House, ma'am.
28:12Boom, boom, pow.
28:15Yeah, yeah.
28:17Wow.
28:22My brain is at your service, ma'am.
28:24We'll see.
28:25Ma'am, I am so psyched.
28:26I know.
28:27The science fair speech was plagiarized from Chung.
28:29Just wanted you to know that up front.
28:31What? What, what, what?
28:33You're kidding.
28:34No.
28:35And so it begins.
28:37Yeah, with a kick to the tits.
28:39So, Dan, you're going to have to clean up your own shitty diaper.
28:42Got it?
28:43Not a problem.
28:44You know what?
28:45We've got to talk about the campaign, don't we?
28:47Okay, I'm right behind you.
28:48Okay, great.
28:49Gary called Dana.
28:50She's called 90 times.
28:52Talk to her.
28:53Then sedate her.
28:55Ma'am, the president has left the building.
28:58Who gives a flying fuck?
29:01Sorry.
29:02I'm sorry, but I couldn't help it.
29:04Ma'am, West Wing.
29:07Is this your fault?
29:08No, no.
29:09I didn't arrive soon enough to be able to cut out the cancer.
29:12Oh, no.
29:13I think you arrived with a man bag filled with tumors.
29:16That was POTUS' problem.
29:18Because he relied on those two guys.
29:21One, a burnt-out loser.
29:22The other, conniving robot.
29:24Crazy.
29:25Bad combo.
29:26Yeah.
29:28Oh, hello, sweet kids.
29:31Oh, my God.
29:32Have you been here this whole time?
29:34M&M's for the scientists.
29:36So come with me, because I've got an idea.
29:38I might show you around the West Wing.
29:42Would you?
29:43Do you like government?
29:44Yes.
29:45And do you like politics?
29:46Yeah.
29:47Oh, good.
29:48Because politics is about people, don't you think?
29:50Yeah.
29:51It is, when you think about it.
29:52Because without people, you can't have politics.
29:55See how crowded this is?
29:57I mean, it's very claustrophobic.
29:59I think that the president should only have her staff here.
30:03Or his staff.
30:04You know, their staff.
30:05I mean, I've never seen, like, that one we just passed.
30:08I don't know who that person is.
30:09I've never seen that person in my life.
30:10No business being here.
30:12Selena did not plagiarize Danny Chung's speech.
30:15Mike's already told you that.
30:17No, I am not plagiarizing Mike.
30:19I know it's boring.
30:20But, hey, I'm boring.
30:22Those curtains there are going.
30:26Wow, those are hideous.
30:28We're still together, right?
30:30I haven't got time.
30:32Time for us?
30:33Or do you mean, like, time as a general constant?
30:35Hi, Terry.
30:36I am sorry.
30:37I missed your call.
30:38Hey.
30:39Hey, listen.
30:41I just wanted to say that...
30:43Okay.
30:44Okay, if you've got something to say, you go first.
30:46Was your mom plagiarizing the Bible when she said,
30:48Oh, God, oh, God?
30:50The president's chair is a couple inches higher
30:53than the rest of the chairs in the Oval Office.
30:55And I used to think, oh, my God, that's so ridiculous.
30:58But now I think it makes sense, you know,
30:59because I think it's a good psychological trick.
31:02Yeah, that's what I...
31:03Oh, you're not finished?
31:04Go ahead.
31:05Oh, she loved the cheese.
31:08Loved it.
31:10When I grow up, I want to be vice president just like you.
31:13Oh, no, you don't.
31:14You won't be president.