Video Nasty S01 E01
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FunTranscript
00:30Come on, lads. Hurry it up. Don't want to get raided.
00:34I have to check the tracking.
00:36The tracking?
00:41If you don't want it, go watch fucking Ghostbusters, yeah?
00:44Relax, Christie, will you?
00:46Give us a minute.
00:50Is it real?
00:51Yeah. It's genuine. First generation.
00:55Look, this is the last of the money, alright?
00:56Don't throw it away. Just stick to the plan, follow my lead, and don't show any weakness, yeah?
01:02Yeah.
01:03Not a penny over 25.
01:04Let's go.
01:11The best we can do is 20, alright? That's all we have.
01:14You're fucking joking. I'm taking all the risks here.
01:17The distributor of that film, he's in prison, you know that, lads?
01:21Okay, then 30, alright? But no more.
01:24It's number 71. It's worth it.
01:26Ah, 71. You've nearly got the full Video Nasty collection.
01:33And you need this money.
01:3740, or I walk.
01:52That's to yourselves a favour.
01:54Nag it.
02:25You have been warned is the message to video retailers.
02:30If you stock any of the titles on a list circulated by Scotland Yard, you could end up in court.
02:36Public concern is growing as more evidence of the video's corruption of children comes to light.
02:42Video Nasty has replaced The Conjurer and the party games at parties.
02:47I haven't seen it. I have far too many copies.
02:50We actually saw people eating live monkeys' brains.
02:54The DPP has compiled a list of 72 films that are to be banned.
03:0010,000 tapes have been seized.
03:02Police seized 22,000 cassettes.
03:04One of 4,000 Video Nasties seized in the biggest raid yet.
03:08I can't understand people who get entertainment value from death, gore, torture and horror.
03:13These films not only affect young people, but I believe they affect adults as well.
03:28Enjoy your Catholic couples, of course.
03:31It's a religious retreat.
03:33Mm-hm.
03:35I don't know.
03:37I don't know.
03:39I don't know.
03:40It's a religious retreat.
03:42Mm-hm.
03:44We'll be checking everything when we get back.
03:46Homework, chores, everything.
03:49One step out of line, you'll be grounded till after your exams.
03:52Yeah, you'd love that.
03:54Me stuck here so you don't have to speak to each other.
04:00There he is now.
04:02I'm Billy.
04:04How you going?
04:06Keep an eye on her, will you, OK?
04:08Make sure she goes in tomorrow. You're the responsible one.
04:11Lads.
04:13You off to watch a movie?
04:15Yeah, um, Crackhead.
04:17Right? Yeah.
04:19Wax on, wax off. See you on Sunday.
04:21See you on Sunday.
04:25I don't know if I've even seen Crackhead.
04:28How do you fuck?
04:40Look, you behave yourself, all right?
04:42Rent a movie and get a few cans of coke.
04:44I want chipper too.
04:46What?
04:48And I need materials for my art project.
04:51OK, but that's it.
04:53OK, bye now.
05:02All right.
05:04Number 71, usual rules.
05:06No screaming, no looking away.
05:10And no shitting yourself.
05:12That was one time.
05:23Is there tits in this or what?
05:25Nah.
05:27The sex is all implied and the sound is on it.
05:31I was fucking with you.
05:33Thought you were going all Kubrick on me.
05:35Fuck Kubrick.
05:37Shining was tame.
05:38I knew we'll top that.
05:40Oh, wait till we get to London next year.
05:42Get some work on sets,
05:44work our way up, make some proper gory shit.
05:46Yeah.
05:48Yeah, let's just finish the collection first.
05:50Before anyone coughs where the Debs money went.
05:59Look, stop freaking out about the money, all right?
06:02It's just a stupid graduation dance.
06:04You're the treasurer.
06:06You're entitled to invest that money.
06:08Invest?
06:10I'm not sure people at school will see it that way.
06:12It's their money we spent on these videos.
06:14They won't have to see it.
06:16Haven't even booked a venue.
06:18Yeah, we'll pay it all back when we sell the full collection.
06:20Right, all we have to do is find the final tape.
06:22We already have a lead.
06:24What, your pen pal?
06:26She's not a pen pal.
06:28She's a source.
06:30Yeah, well, she's in the middle of nowhere,
06:32in the middle of Middle England.
06:34She can't do a postal exchange on this one,
06:36even if she does get her hands on the tape.
06:39Don't lose your nerve now.
06:54Get out. The girls are on their way.
06:56No, this is our time.
06:58Leave the whole house.
07:00There's no video player.
07:02What are you even watching anyway?
07:04A girl gets killed in the woods for?
07:06Spoiler.
07:08In the woods again.
07:10It's nightmares in a damaged brain.
07:12It's extremely rare and valuable.
07:14And weird.
07:16Take your messed up video and get out.
07:18You're not using my VCR to watch Flashdance again.
07:20Do you want me to tell Mum and Dad about your video collection?
07:22They left their phone number.
07:24Who are they going to blame?
07:26On the altar boy?
07:28You're the one they think has gone mental.
07:35I'll get their camera as well.
07:36Give them a nice surprise when the roll has developed.
07:38All right, all right, fine.
07:40You can have the room.
07:42Well, I'm taking this.
07:44Oh, come on, don't be an arsehole.
07:46You're on your bike. How are you even going to carry it?
07:50I can carry the plug.
07:52Billy, what are you doing?
07:54Billy?
07:56Put it back. Put it back!
07:58Quick!
08:01I don't know what he's got over you.
08:03He's going to get you strung up over that cash.
08:04Shut up about it, will you?
08:06I knew it when I told you.
08:09Have you told him about next year yet?
08:12Jesus, come on.
08:14You're going to have to tell him eventually, you know.
08:16Now, will you turn it down?
08:18Shut up.
08:20That's Tony Allan, don't disrespect him.
08:24This is your music.
08:26I don't even know what you're saying.
08:28It's Nigel.
08:30Irish boy.
08:32Nigel.
08:34Nigel.
08:36Nigel.
08:38Nigel.
08:40Nigel.
08:42Nigel.
08:44Irish boy.
08:46You pick it up if you listen properly.
08:48Can you not put things back?
08:50Then how would you learn to look after the place?
08:52Someone has to prepare you for the real world.
08:54What do you even do making a sandwich?
08:56I'm cooking.
08:58Stop complaining.
09:00You'll be a happy man when you see what I've got.
09:07Did you get some more of those seized tapes?
09:09Some idiot tried to smuggle them in from Italy.
09:11I don't know why you can't trade some nice comedies.
09:14They're not as valuable.
09:16At least you are showing some initiative.
09:19Take what you need.
09:21Bring the rest over to the video shop.
09:23See what TJ will pay me for them.
09:26There's a few good ones in here.
09:28But it's mostly Italian jala that I already have
09:30and some mainstream shit that TJ won't take.
09:33What about this girl in England?
09:35Your pen pal, Fangoria Fungal.
09:37Trade them with her.
09:38Figure it out.
09:40Nobody's going to hold your hand.
09:42It's Fangirl, not Fungirl.
09:44She's not a pen pal.
09:46She's a fellow collector.
09:49Is she collecting, boyfriend?
09:51Why does she write to you so much?
10:08I don't know.
10:38Hello?
11:09Right then.
11:11Let's go through...
11:13Look, let's just do it.
11:15Why?
11:17Because it's Hurling today
11:19and faking off PE is fucking cliche.
11:21I want it to be authentic.
11:23But I'm good at faking injuries.
11:25I fucking want my vision con.
11:27Eyes on the prize.
11:29Now, we've got the hot plate,
11:32the heating mantle...
11:34Right then.
11:35Fuck it.
11:36Fuck it.
11:38Okay.
11:40On the count of three, yeah?
11:42Three,
11:44two,
11:46one.
12:06We can find a place to hang around.
12:09No one's mad enough, no.
12:11No one's mad enough, no.
12:13No one's crazy enough, no.
12:17No one's mad enough, no.
12:19No one's mad enough...
12:31Any leads on the classifieds?
12:33I can't see anything.
12:34It's hard to decipher some of these messages.
12:40Got one for you.
12:42The ginger dead man.
12:44You know, like, the gingerbread man.
12:46What's it about?
12:48Ginger zombies.
12:49Both the budgie and pubes turn red.
12:51Run, run, as fast as you can.
12:53You can't escape.
12:55The ginger dead man.
12:57It's a good one.
13:00Are we queers?
13:02What is it this week?
13:04Wanking injury.
13:05What?
13:06That's it?
13:07You're predictable.
13:08Look at you, with your gay little bandages.
13:11You people are just scared to get a whack of a whore.
13:14You people?
13:15Whatever happened to me being a packie?
13:17Oh, that was fun.
13:18Wildly inaccurate, obviously.
13:21But fun.
13:22Shut the fuck up.
13:28You're really phoning it in today, aren't you?
13:29You don't want to watch your mouth.
13:31See, I've been hearing things.
13:33Throwing around money on videotapes.
13:36That little sister works in the hotel.
13:38Says there's no booking for the Debs Ball.
13:40If I find out you're after taking my money,
13:43I'll bust you.
13:46I'll fucking rape you.
13:48Fuck off.
14:04You alright?
14:05Me?
14:06Count grand.
14:09You can't let them get to you, man.
14:11I mean, we watch heads explode.
14:14Entrails getting torn out.
14:16We deal in illegal contraband.
14:20They think they're hard.
14:21We're fucking rocks.
14:25Yeah, well, they'll still smash us to pieces
14:27if you don't get their Debs money back.
14:30Yeah, well, we'll push TJ all out.
14:31See if he has any leads.
14:34You sure you're alright?
14:36Yeah.
14:37I said it right to his face.
14:38I was like,
14:39sir, get fucked.
14:41Like, the only reason you failed me
14:42is because my mam wouldn't have a sex job.
14:44In fairness, that's a pretty messed up way to talk to your dad.
14:47Yeah, I know, but, like,
14:48I told him not to take the job at our school.
14:50Dick.
14:51Since when did you drop out of honour's maths?
14:53When you were out sick.
14:55For a week.
14:57What?
14:58Nothing.
15:01It's just, you never came to the phone.
15:02Like, what was wrong with you?
15:05I mean, you're my ma.
15:07Who cares?
15:09Are we sorting this party or what?
15:11It's my term.
15:12I want to get shit-faced.
15:14Hey, Con.
15:15Can you nick us some holy wine from Father Pervert?
15:17No, he can't.
15:18He nearly got caught last time.
15:20Like you care the shit you drag him into.
15:22I'm right here.
15:23You're not invited to my party by the way.
15:25I'm not.
15:26I'm right here.
15:27You're not invited to my party by the way.
15:29You can stay at home and shag your video player.
15:32Why don't you go home and cry and hide out in your room again?
15:37Yeah, well, you can forget about dragging him to London with you next year.
15:40He's not going.
15:41Zoe.
15:42What? It's true. I'm doing you a favour here.
15:51Zoe!
15:56It's not what you think.
15:57I want to go. I do.
15:59I just can't.
16:00What are you talking about, can't?
16:02My folks, they won't let me.
16:03I have to go to college, Billy.
16:05Here.
16:06Why are you such a pushover?
16:08Go on.
16:09Go home.
16:12Hey!
16:14You shitheads want to come to a party?
16:27Oh man, look at them eyeballs.
16:29Ah, I love it.
16:31You can actually see the inside of the skull.
16:35You wouldn't see that in RT1.
16:37They used cow intestines for this thing.
16:43Yeah, so this tape was actually transferred from the Italian master.
16:50Yeah, well, apparently the lead actor was paid in drugs.
16:53So if you're looking to buy, sale price is negotiable.
16:56For rentals, I charge double for nasties, triple for blueys,
16:59quadruples for blasphemies.
17:00Oh, and an extra special fiver for late for Brian.
17:03No, he's fine.
17:04Come on.
17:05You're on.
17:06Aha! What has my favourite freak got for me today?
17:09Is that supposed to be a compliment?
17:11All right.
17:12Bad day at the office.
17:14Don't let the bastards grind you down.
17:16Unless you're going to film it.
17:18I got another haul.
17:21Let's see what we can do.
17:23No.
17:24Yes.
17:26Ooh, expose.
17:27Yes, please.
17:29Any luck with the damaged brain?
17:37Fuck me.
17:39This is a first generation original.
17:40Mm-hm.
17:42Oh, you can smell the rum.
17:45Oh, you can smell the wrongness of it.
17:50Too much?
17:53All right, what is wrong with you today?
17:55You're down to the final film.
17:56I thought you'd be doing cartwheels.
17:58It's nothing, just money issues.
18:03Colin's not coming to London next year.
18:06I mean, I'm fine.
18:07It's just he could have told me, you know?
18:09That was the plan, the dream, to work on a real film set.
18:14Well, you still have the rest of the year.
18:16I mean, finish the collection together for a start.
18:18You're down to the last tape.
18:20William Asher's Nightmare Maker,
18:22a.k.a. Butcher Baker Nightmare Maker,
18:25a.k.a. Night Warning.
18:28Do you have any leads?
18:29Because I can't find anything local.
18:31Nah, the trail's gone as cold as a witch's tit.
18:34Here, what about hitting up that sexy pen pal of yours?
18:36She's not...
18:38I don't even know what she looks like.
18:40Whatever, I thought you had a lead on one.
18:42But, man, you should see what people are paying for
18:44the full collection on the black market.
18:46You get that tape, I'll get you three grand within a week.
18:50If I was you, I'd be swimming over to England to get that tape.
18:53Tell your dad I'll dock that money down to him.
18:56Oh, and tell him I'm running low on blasphemy.
18:59Keep them coming.
19:02Class.
19:04After six increasingly bitter months of strike...
19:08Hey, waiting.
19:10How did we do?
19:13Uh-uh.
19:14There's plenty left here.
19:16He didn't need many.
19:17You should have convinced him.
19:20Here, another letter from your pen pal.
19:22Don't get carried away with that girl.
19:25She'll take you for an idiot.
19:27Not every girl's like Mum.
19:37What?
19:43I don't understand.
19:44We're going to England.
19:45She has the tape.
19:46Nightmare maker.
19:47If we don't go tomorrow, it's gone.
19:50This is our chance, Con.
19:51We get the tape, we sell the collection, we pay back the money.
19:55Wait, just slow down for a second, will you?
19:58She'd rather do a tape exchange with us.
20:00We have doubles of three films on her list.
20:04This is the trip, man.
20:05One last fucking hurrah before all this shit hits.
20:10OK, well, if I can't go to London...
20:12Con, by the time you get back from this trip,
20:15you'll be gagging to come with me next year.
20:20So, are you in?
20:25Yeah.
20:26Good. He's already wrote back and told her we're coming.
20:29OK, but we've no cash left,
20:31so how do we pay for the ferry, the bus, everything?
20:36Your sister.
20:37Oh, no, she's the only one who knows how screwed we are.
20:40She has to help.
20:41I mean, all we need is a few quid.
20:45Fine, I'll do it.
20:46Wait, you're not going to go ask her now, are you?
20:49Well, would you rather ask her now when she's drunk
20:51or tomorrow when she's all over?
20:54Yeah, OK, let's...
20:56Wait.
20:59We're all right, aren't we?
21:00Yeah.
21:01I'm not going to let your parents ruin this for us, OK?
21:04You and me, we need to finish this.
21:06We can get it done in, like, two days.
21:09Easy.
21:10Great. OK, I'll call my parents at the hotel
21:12and tell them we're going to Catholic Boy Scouts.
21:14Sound. We're going camping.
21:19Oi!
21:20Tin Lizzy!
21:21You have some fucking neck charm up there.
21:24I live here.
21:25We're doing a shot of wine!
21:27CHEERING
21:29Pour me one of them.
21:31It's the last lemon.
21:33Don't worry, we'll have a lemon-flavoured dick all the way here.
21:42Have you seen Zoe? No?
21:43Hey, what are you doing here? Everyone's talking about you.
21:46Me? Where's Zoe? Where's Zoe?
21:48What? Zoe, where is she?
21:50She's upstairs with those skinheads.
21:52She was talking about you.
21:54Everybody's talking about you.
21:56Woody, come back here!
21:57I want to have a fucking war with you!
22:00MUSIC PLAYS
22:05Hey, what's going on?
22:06Oh, man, some hammerbroke just asked to get him a pinfinger.
22:17Oh!
22:20Zoe!
22:21Oh, my God, your hand!
22:22Oh, God, it happened!
22:24Here, con!
22:25I knew you stole my dad's money, you...
22:30DOG BARKS
22:55You OK?
23:00Thanks...
23:02..for looking after me.
23:05And I'm sorry that everyone found out you took their Deb's money.
23:11I only told Rachel, but she was off her tits, everyone was.
23:15It's all right.
23:16Just get some sleep.
23:22I, um, cleaned up the blood in the bathroom,
23:27tidied up...
23:28What did she say?
23:29I didn't ask her. I mean, I can't.
23:32Look, we'll figure it out. We'll find the tape somewhere else.
23:34Yeah, what about the money, con? Everyone is out for blood.
23:37The police are going to be on this. I don't want to get charged.
23:40Look, I can't just take off, all right?
23:42There's a lot going on. I need to be here.
23:44Stop sucking up to your parents, con. This is about us.
23:47Look, you know I want to go. I just can't.
23:49I'm sick of this place, con!
23:50This isn't even about the money.
23:52This is me and you.
23:54I'm getting packed and I'm getting the first bus to the ferry.
23:57And if you're not at that bus stop in the morning,
23:59I'll know exactly what you think.
24:01I'll find a way to finish this myself.
24:25BIRDS CHIRP
24:45Roadkill, the triple man!
24:47Oh, shit! You got the money? Yeah.
24:49You see, I told you! Born producer. Yes!
24:53Just a couple of strings.
24:55What?
24:58No! No way!
25:00Yeah, yeah, yes way!
25:02I'm going to be grounded for life now.
25:04There's no way I'm going home to them.
25:06As soon as I get my cut, I'm moving out.
25:09Excuse me? Her cut?
25:11Yeah. If I'm funding this, we're going to split the profit three ways.
25:15I get the deposit for a room. Everyone's happy.
25:17No. This is our trip, our collection.
25:20You're the one who fucking fire-started it.
25:22Yeah, you're the one who started this fire, OK?
25:24Getting Con in over his head. Oh, yeah?
25:26Well, you're the one who blabbed about the money.
25:28And now I'm making it right.
25:30I'm not going home.
25:32I'm getting on that boat with Con.
25:34You can come with us or you can go and cry about it.
25:37We're doing this. We're going to get that tape.
25:51DOOR OPENS
26:17Hello?
26:20DOOR OPENS
26:36DOOR CLOSES
26:51DOOR CLOSES
27:16SCREAMS
27:20DOOR CLOSES
27:30Shh! I've got a knife!
27:32DOOR OPENS
27:44DOOR CLOSES
28:02CHANTING