Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00Leonard I'm making the donation to your department regardless of what happens between us
00:04Really, of course, there's no quid pro quo here. You and your colleagues are doing remarkable research and you deserve the money. Oh
00:14Then what was last night about I took a shot sue me Oh
00:22You're a very handsome man Leonard
00:25Thank you
00:28It was foolish of me to think someone your age might ever be interested in someone like me
00:33Oh, don't say that. You're a very attractive woman. Oh, please. No, it's true. Well, aren't you sweet?
00:40Just for the record
00:42You'd remember a night with me for the rest of your life
00:48I'm sure I would but why why exactly?
00:51You're a very smart man, how do you think our land is that your rich husband I hadn't really given it much thought
00:58Well think about it
01:03You mean yep, I'm that good
01:11But what the hell
01:13But what the hell
01:17What's going on nothing's going on, excuse me, are you just getting home? Yeah, that's a good sign, right? Oh
01:25Yeah, I'm so proud of you
01:29You sold yourself out like a common streetwalker
01:34No, I didn't do it for the money she stiffed you I believe that's what your roommate did to her
01:41What again read the book we gave you
01:50There he is the man of the hour he took one for the team
01:58I didn't do it for the money. Keep telling yourself that it makes it easier. Trust me. I know
02:06He
02:08Kept bugging me. How's Leonard? Why can't you get back together with Leonard? I bet Leonard never tipped a cow over on himself
02:15So to get him off my back I told him we work things out really
02:24How how do we manage that what did you apologize did you have to woo me
02:32Get over yourself I whistled you came running
02:38Yeah, no, I don't think so
02:40Are you arguing about I'm just saying if we fake got back together, that's totally not how it fake happened
02:47Whatever. Will you please just play along until my dad leaves?
02:49Oh, you actually want me to deceive your father with some sort of sham play acting and kissing cuz I'm good with that
02:57Penny you out here
03:01I
03:06Mean that in front of my dad relax. I seen you do a lot worse with a lot stupider
03:13See he doesn't mind so Leonard I'm taking your gal out for a steak dinner. You want to join us?
03:18Oh dad, that's nice. But Leonard has to work right Leonard
03:21I do I have to work but I'm gonna blow that off to spend the evening with my sweetie and her father cuz
03:26Just the kind of boyfriend I am
03:29Come here you
03:35You're kidding 3d
03:41Studio must have real faith in it
03:46Why she didn't tell me have you been spending time with your ex-girlfriend no
03:52Then why are you surprised she didn't tell you
03:55Well, it's not as much of surprise as you know, the other thing
04:04What other thing well if you
04:10I don't
04:11What's the word? I'm looking for? I'm not gonna help you. This is hilarious. I
04:17Don't understand why you're not enjoying this
04:20Together in this car with my enhanced capabilities. We're like Knight Rider
04:27Except the Knight Rider the car isn't a yammering sphincter
04:32You mock the sphincter but the sphincter is a class of muscle without which human beings couldn't survive
04:42There are over 50 different sphincters in the human body, how many can you name I
04:49I was wrong. This is exactly like Knight Rider
04:53Perhaps you'd be interested in a different game. No, this is a photograph of the 1911 Solvay conference on the theory of radiation
05:02and quanta using Photoshop
05:04I've introduced a few anachronisms see if you can spot all 24
05:10Madam Curie should not be wearing a digital watch and go
05:19That's it
05:24Bazinga I
05:27Have an override switch I almost died and I'm safe and sound in bed who's crazy now
05:35I'm still gonna go with you
05:41Hey Priya, I'm the shepherd spy you want to split that with me? Oh, no. No, no, he doesn't
05:48Why not? Well, you know milk in the taters milk in the gravy Parmesan crust your lactose intolerant boyfriend will turn into a gas-filled Macy's day
05:58Not quite accurate the Macy's balloons are filled with helium whereas Leonard produces copious amounts of methane
06:10No on the shepherds pie move on yeah a little tip he says he can eat frozen yogurt do not believe it
06:17I'll have the sea bass
06:20You're gonna like this. I mean the girlfriend the ex-girlfriend bonding over your rooty-tooty stinky booty
06:27Kill me it wouldn't help the human body is capable of being flatulent for hours after death
06:37Nice shot. Thank you. My father taught me archery as a child
06:47It's odd how the activity brings back the smell of Kmart bourbon
06:54Perfect I know what an elf I would have made
07:02Whoo, what do you think you're doing shooting at a target with what an arrow really?
07:08I didn't see you draw one from your quiver
07:11I'm not gonna do that Sheldon Leonard the people at Nintendo can only go so far in helping us recreate an actual athletic
07:18experience
07:20We have to do our part, too
07:29That was uncalled for but I'll play along
07:34We're going to the cafeteria to get some coffee you want anything I'm fine
07:38It's nice that they're getting along your girlfriend and your ex-girlfriend hanging out together. Oh, yeah, they can only be good for you
07:50What are you talking about one of them broke up with you do you really want her telling the other one why I
07:56Don't care I have anything to hide good good, then you've nothing to worry about
08:04No, I do not
08:08You are a mean little man
08:13You'd think it'd be because my parents didn't love me but actually they loved me a great deal
08:21So true, yeah, I know right
08:24Took you guys so long. Oh, we were just chatting. It's nice. What about we're just comparing notes about how you are in the sack
08:38What if she wasn't kidding doesn't matter I'm the king of foreplay
08:47Hey, that's new P out. Can I have a snow cone? Well sure
08:55These are pretty good what flavor is this guess
09:00Papaya no guava. You're so close. I give up mango caterpillar
09:08I
09:16Never identified with the rebel Alliance and despite their tendency to build death stars. I've always been more of an Empire man
09:25Yeah, not my point I know what your point is you're intimidated by Amy's intellect to that I say buck up
09:32Okay, let me just get right to it Amy is judgmental sanctimonious and frankly just obnoxious
09:41So
09:43So we already have you for all that
09:47Are you suggesting I terminate my relationship with Amy? No, no, of course not just have your relationship someplace else
09:54Joy, this is Leonard Leonard. This is joy. Hi. Hi, you don't look like a genius. Go ahead. Say something smart
10:00time's up
10:04Just kidding first thing you need to know about me. I'm hilarious
10:10Yeah
10:12So Bernadette tells me she knows you from self-defense classes, yeah is really Krav Maga lots of fun
10:19Basically a hundred different ways to rip a guy's nuts off
10:23Wow wouldn't think there'd be that many number 42
10:31This
10:36Lobster is good on the way down and the way up
10:40Should be it's $30 a pound. Hey, this is a date, right?
10:49Yep, it is
10:53Hmm excuse me. I have to go to the little girls room and take a wicked whiz
11:00Fair warning. I have the asparagus. My pee is gonna stink up the place
11:05Good your powers out too. Why is that good?
11:08Because last month I sent the electric company a Starbucks gift card an apology note and a few snapshots of me in a bra
11:16Our failure implementing power failure protocol
11:21What happened all your glow-in-the-dark emergency exit stuff you had painted on the floor. Oh, that was wildly carcinogenic
11:27Anyway, you bet you're no longer entitled to the full benefits of my friendship because I happen to be extremely
11:34Prepared for such an emergency, please. Try not to see anything by this light
11:39It's not for you
11:42It's just a blackout
11:43I'm sure the power will be back on soon and I'm sure some fool in the Donner party said the snow would stop any day
11:48now I
11:51Like to think they ate him first
11:54Yeah, I got some candles in my apartment but candles during a blackout are you mad that's a fire hazard
11:59No, Pasadena water and power recommends the far safer glow stick
12:05You call that a glow stick
12:12That is a glow stick
12:15Let's go before you go consider this
12:18Not only do I have a deep cycle marine battery power source, which is more than capable of running our entertainment system
12:24I also have all 61 episodes of the BBC series Red Dwarf and
12:31fiddle faddle
12:33All yours if you're willing to reinstate the roommate agreement. I've got wine at my place and some bubble wrap we could pop
12:41He'll be back wine and a girl in the dark, he's gonna be bored out of his mind check the mail
12:46How many times are you gonna tell me what's with you? Nothing? It's not suspicious that I'm fixating. It's consistent with my personality
12:54Right. Hey guys more Halloween candy. Didn't you just buy a bunch of it yesterday? Oh, yeah, that's gone
13:03It's a rough month when Halloween and people are gone
13:06It's a rough month when Halloween and PMS it at the same time
13:11Leonard doesn't have time to chat. He has to get the mail. Would you relax? I'll get it in a minute
13:15Hey, I was worth open the mail
13:18Excuse me
13:27Couple of circulars nothing important. What's with him? Hang on. I'm not gonna tell you
13:36You
13:46Might be from Texas, but I'm from New Jersey
13:52Hard as this may be to believe it's possible that I'm not boyfriend material
14:01Glad I was sitting down for that
14:05Did you and Amy get in a fight? Amy had a fight I was being perfectly reasonable
14:12I'm have a whiskey. Do you want anything?
14:15No, I can't I'm playing Grand Theft Auto later
14:24Look I'm no expert in women. I'll say
14:29That's not necessary when someone's trying to help you, I'm sorry, it's the alcohol talking
14:36Sometimes
14:39With women you want to listen to what upsets them and then show them that you can grow and change
14:47Nuts to that what else you got we were going out. How often would you pretend to like things just to have sex with me?
14:54all the time
14:57You're kidding. No, does this sound familiar? I'd love to go shoe shopping with you
15:03If the hiking it's great
15:06It's 2 a.m. Of course. I want to go to Koreatown and sing karaoke with your friends who wouldn't
15:13Okay, we were going out you were gonna get sex anyway really you would have slept with me after a three-hour documentary on dams
15:22No, no woman would
15:25See, you know, that's the great thing. We're out as friends. This is not a date sex is off the table
15:30So let's go learn why hydroelectric power might not be the environmental bargain. You think it is
15:38Sorry spoiler alert
15:42All right, fine, thanks tickets are 11 bucks
15:51Not a date to wine and bubble wrap
15:55And to not happen to watch Sheldon demonstrate his reverse osmosis machine that converts urine in a drinking water
16:04You know in Girl Scouts Tammy Denisha said you could do that with pantyhose
16:08Blows she wrong
16:12Anyway you want to make out I
16:16Thought because our relationships in a beta test you wanted to take things slow. Okay, you want to make out slow?
16:25I can go so slow. It'll be like there's a snail in your mouth
16:36Lucky for you, there's nothing else to do right now
16:40How's it going I'm not so good we have to talk
16:47Okay
16:49Here it is. I
16:51Met this girl and I kissed her and I feel terrible about it, but it's done
16:55It's never gonna happen again, and I am so so sorry
16:59Relax, it's okay. It is. Ah, these things happen. They happen to everybody. Oh
17:06My god, you are amazing. I don't deserve you. What do you what do you mean? Everybody?
17:13I
17:17Didn't know if I should tell you but I kind of cheated on you too. I mean kind of a
17:25Couple of weeks ago. I slept with my ex-boyfriend. So I guess we both messed up a little
17:34No, no, I messed up a little you've messed up a lot
17:39It's not a competition. Oh
17:41Yeah, it is and you won
17:45Leonard check it out. I bought an Engage locomotive half the size of a Joe look fits in my mouth
17:56Sounds like you had a great night. I am
18:01How was yours not bad I had a lot more fun with Amy than I thought I would
18:05What exactly do you mean by that?
18:07Turns out she really knows how to help a guy loosen up and have a good time
18:11Although the truth be told my groin is a little worse for wear
18:21Why'd you do that to send a message she is not for you
18:26What not for you
18:29While he was telling you things did he mention he owns not one but two Star Trek uniforms
18:35Really? Yeah, where's them not just for Halloween?
18:40Hey pal
18:43You didn't see me telling Kevin that you thought Cold Wars were only fought in winter
18:50Okay, then I'll return the favor and I won't tell Laura Laura that the dirty movies you own are animated
18:59When
19:04You were telling Kevin about your acting career
19:06Did you mention your long-running role as waitress in a local production of the Cheesecake Factory?
19:14Did you tell her about your lucky asthma inhaler? Oh, yeah spell asthma
19:21Hey s
19:24Take me home
19:26Maybe I'm not Johnny hanging out with
19:31You're right, it's getting late
19:34a
19:36vintage mint in box
19:381975 Mego Star Trek transporter with real transporter action hot darn
19:44Where did you get that from Stewart at the comic book store you went to the comic book store by yourself
19:51It was fun. I walked in and two different guys got asthma attacks
19:57Felt pretty good
19:59This calls for an expression of gratitude. Ooh, am I about to get a rare Sheldon Cooper hug?
20:04No, not this time and they wouldn't be special
20:07Thanks, Penny
20:11Don't worry, I didn't forget about you Leonard I got you
20:27No, it's great also mint in box and I got you a transporter
20:39Look it was actually designed for my vintage. Mr. Spock action figure. Oh, that's great. Let's open up and put him in there
20:46No
20:48They're just toys they're meant in box
20:52Come on can't we open one up and take
20:56Once you open the box it loses its value. Yeah. Yeah, my mom gave me the same lecture about my virginity
21:05Gotta tell you it was a lot more fun taking it out and playing with it. I
21:09Am what's called an experimental physicist which is super fun because I get to test theories and work with lasers
21:17Yes, how did you decide to become a scientist Oh excellent question, um, I suppose I've always been into science
21:25My mother and father are scientists. So I was kind of led in that direction
21:30Pushed might be a better way to describe it
21:33To be honest with you guys when I was your age. I wanted to be a rap star
21:38Like Snoop Dogg, but with a healthy respect for the police
21:44Yeah, I'm not sure you laugh
21:47This is like my mother did
21:49After I confided I was derided and chided my mom's and I collided she said my dreams were misguided
22:01That's just a little freestyle
22:04This old guy was choking on his food and I saved his life
22:07I'm kidding. Did you harm like him? No, I said, oh my god
22:10I think that old guy's choking and then one of the busboys. I'm like him
22:13You're a hero
22:17Yeah, that was the point of the story oh
22:22Yeah, just being of work, do you know if you have Thursday night off I think so why why it's Valentine's Day
22:28Oh, right. Yeah, we can do something
22:31Could be a little more into it. Oh, I'm into it. I'm into it
22:34It's just there's so much pressure to make the night special and it never works out
22:38Okay, well this time it's going to be different because I am like a romance ninja
22:44You don't see it coming and then BAM romance watch out hearts
22:50You know, sometimes I think I've made you so much cooler than you used to be and then you go into that
22:56Hey, how was it what I
23:00Can explain I played hooky with the girls then we all went to Disneyland and good
23:05What are you doing just a minute go on I'm listening
23:13Sheldon
23:14All snow white needs is one little kiss to wake up
23:19Heard you the first time
23:22It's really you
23:28Mr. Jeffers, I am so sorry. We should have told you about the broken elevator. I agree
23:36I'm professor proton. It's an honor to meet you. Just just call me Arthur
23:45You hear that professor Proton said I should call him Arthur that means we're friends
23:52No, a friend would have told me about the elevator
24:00Look at me I
24:02I can get as close to you as I want without my mom saying it's going to ruin my eyes
24:12Is is he dangerous
24:17Actually, he's a genius I
24:22That doesn't answer my question
24:26Mr. Jeffries, I'm Leonard. This is my girlfriend Penny. Hi. Hello
24:33I
24:35Hope I haven't kept the kids waiting too long for for the show. Oh, no, there are no kids. No the show's for me
24:45Come on, Aratia
24:48Arthur
24:53Is the blonde girl really your your girlfriend, yes, sir, you're the genius
25:00Here we are, yep
25:05Really gonna miss you
25:06I'm gonna miss you, too
25:08Penny we're in the red zone
25:10You see the white zone is for loading and unloading
25:14We're breaking the law
25:17There's no space in the white zone, so anyway
25:21We can email and I think the phone connections are pretty good. All right, you have to get the car right now
25:25I'm not going to jail for you
25:27Just relax. Oh, I see a space in the white zone quick circle the airport
25:33Did you bring enough inhalers? Yeah and extra dramamine you remember what happened on it's a small world
25:40I'm covered. Okay. Oh dear Lord a police officer glancing in our direction. We've been made
25:48Calm down I'm getting out
25:51Something I want to give you
25:54It's just a heart-shaped lock with a picture of Leonard's face and he got them all in clearance now move
26:01I love you. I love you, too
26:08Don't worry officer they just love each other. We're not smuggling frogs. I
26:16Hear the makeup sponges you asked for thanks. I thought I had more
26:24Damn you've got more makeup than I do
26:27You've got better makeup than I do
26:30Yeah, I'm borrowing this
26:32This is my comic-con makeup. I love you, but there are some things a man doesn't share with his girlfriend
26:39That's a wise policy. I once borrowed my sister's makeup for a costume contest got a terrible case of pink eye
26:45Yeah, but luckily I was going as a zombie. I won second place. I
26:49I feel like you guys just went to comic-con. That was San Diego comic-con. This is Bakersfield comic-con
26:56Is that better?
26:57It's a lot smaller
26:58It's more about the comic books the way these conventions used to be before they went all Hollywood so they answer your question
27:04No, it's not better
27:06Well, then why are you going?
27:08It's a comic book convention. You know, it's like pizza or particle accelerators. Even the stinky ones still pretty good
27:15All right. Well, you guys have fun. I guess I'll see you Sunday night. Yeah
27:19Hang on a second. Hold this
27:27What was that for? To show people when they don't believe me
27:31Would you like to hear a classic Sheldon Cooper factoid?
27:35What do you think? Great
27:38I've been doing some reading about vehicular safety
27:42Did you know that the highest number of drowning accidents happen on or around boats?
27:49I'm interesting that you would bring that up when I might go work on a boat. That's the thing about factoids. They're interesting. I
27:59Know what you're doing
28:01You don't want me going on this research trip because you're afraid to be alone. Well, I'm not afraid to be alone on land
28:10I'm see it would be terrifying
28:15Because of all the drowning
28:18Sheldon no, fine. No more drowning talk. I'll change the subject
28:23No, who do you think would win in a fight you or a shark?
28:31Look I appreciate your signature blend of concern for me an incredible selfishness
28:37If I get the chance to do this, there's nothing you can say that's going to stop me
28:42Very well
28:45Things between you and penny have never been better. I hope four months apart doesn't change anything. I
28:56Should have opened with that, huh?