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00:00Uh, that's my water.
00:02What?
00:03My water.
00:04You're drinking it.
00:05Dear lord.
00:06Have you been drinking it?
00:09Yes, it's my water.
00:11Well, that's it then.
00:13I'm dead.
00:14Here we go.
00:17I'm sorry.
00:18Do I really need to connect the dots for you?
00:20The backwash into this glass is every pathogen that calls your mouth home sweet home.
00:25Not to mention the visitors who arrive on the dancing tongue of your subtropical girlfriend.
00:29Hey, that's my sister and my country you're talking about.
00:34Leonard may have defiled one, but I won't have you talking smack about the other.
00:37You guys ready to order?
00:40Yes, I'd like a seven-day course of penicillin, some syrup of ipecac to induce vomiting, and
00:45a mint.
00:46I don't understand.
00:49He drank from Leonard's glass.
00:50He drank from Leonard's glass.
00:52I'm sure he'll be carving into my tombstone.
00:56That's actually my napkin.
00:57Oh, this is a nightmare.
00:58Where are you going?
00:59To the bar to sterilize my mouth with alcohol.
01:03Gangway.
01:04Dead man walking.
01:05I don't understand why you're not enjoying this.
01:10Together in this car with my enhanced capabilities, we're like Knight Rider.
01:17Except in Knight Rider, the car isn't a yammering sphincter.
01:22You mock the sphincter, but the sphincter is a class of muscle without which human beings
01:27couldn't survive.
01:29There are over 50 different sphincters in the human body.
01:36How many can you name?
01:39I was wrong.
01:40This is exactly like Knight Rider.
01:43Perhaps you'd be interested in a different game.
01:45No.
01:46This is a photograph of the 1911 Solvay Conference on the theory of radiation and quanta.
01:52Using Photoshop, I've introduced a few anachronisms.
01:56See if you can spot all 24.
01:58I'll give you the first one.
02:00Madame Curie should not be wearing a digital watch.
02:05And go.
02:06That's it.
02:07Bye-bye.
02:08Bazinga.
02:09I have an override switch.
02:19I almost died.
02:21And I'm safe and sound in bed.
02:23Who's crazy now?
02:25I'm still going to go with you.
02:32Nice shot.
02:36My father taught me archery as a child.
02:41It's odd how the activity brings back the smell of K-Mart bourbon.
02:47Perfect.
02:48I know.
02:49What an elf I would have made.
02:55What do you think you're doing?
02:59Shooting at a target?
03:01With what?
03:02An arrow.
03:03Really?
03:04I can see you draw one from your quiver.
03:07I'm not going to do that, Sheldon.
03:08Leonard, the people at Nintendo can only go so far in helping us recreate an actual athletic
03:14experience.
03:15We have to do our part, too.
03:22That was uncalled for, but I'll play along.
03:28Al.
03:29What are you doing there?
03:30Working on a new plan to catch the Roadrunner.
03:34The humorous implication being that I am Wile E. Coyote?
03:39Yes.
03:40And this is a schematic for a bird trapping device that will ultimately backfire and cause
03:45me physical injury?
03:48Yes.
03:54What I'm doing here is trying to determine when I'm going to die.
03:59A lot of people are working on that research.
04:03So what is all this?
04:05My family history factoring in longevity, propensity for disease, et cetera.
04:10Interesting.
04:11Cause of death for Uncle Carl was KBB.
04:14What's KBB?
04:15Killed by badger.
04:17How's that?
04:20It was Thanksgiving.
04:22Uncle Carl said, I think there's a badger living in our chimney.
04:26Hand me that flashlight.
04:30Those were the last words he ever spoke to us.
04:32It's called counterfactuals.
04:34We postulate an alternate world that differs from ours in one key aspect and then pose
04:38questions to each other.
04:39It's fun for ages 8 to 80.
04:41Join us.
04:42All right.
04:43I like a good brain teaser.
04:45Give it a whirl.
04:47You're in luck.
04:48This is an easy one.
04:49In a world where mankind is ruled by a giant intelligent beaver, what food is no longer
04:57consumed?
04:58Uh, a BLT where the B stands for beaver.
05:03Leonard, be serious.
05:05We're playing a game here.
05:08I can figure this out.
05:09Let's see.
05:10Um, well, beavers eat tree bark.
05:13The only tree bark I know that humans consume is cinnamon.
05:16So I'll say cinnamon.
05:18Incorrect.
05:19Obviously the answer is cheese danish.
05:22What?
05:24In a world ruled by a giant beaver, mankind builds many dams to please the beaver overlord.
05:29The low-lying city of Copenhagen is flooded, thousands die, devastated, the Danes never
05:34invent their namesake pastry.
05:40How does one miss that?
05:41I'm sure she's the best fit for our little, what shall we call it, rebel alliance.
05:46Oh, I never identified with the rebel alliance.
05:50Despite their tendency to build death stars, I've always been more of an empire man.
05:55Yeah, not my point.
05:57I know what your point is.
05:59You're intimidated by Amy's intellect.
06:01To that I say, buck up.
06:03Okay, let me just get right to it.
06:05Amy is judgmental, sanctimonious, and frankly, just obnoxious.
06:12So?
06:13So we already have you for all that.
06:18Are you suggesting I terminate my relationship with Amy?
06:21No, no, of course not.
06:22Just have your relationship someplace else.
06:24Sheldon spent grinding up insects and mixing them into Leonard's food.
06:28Well, excuse me, that was not a betrayal.
06:31That was an experiment to determine at what concentration food starts tasting mothy.
06:37Hey, you got Snoopy out.
06:48Can I have a snow cone?
06:49Well, sure.
06:50These are pretty good.
06:55What flavor is this?
06:58Guess.
06:59Papaya?
07:00No.
07:01Guava?
07:02You're so close.
07:03Why give up?
07:04Mango caterpillar.
07:05What are you doing?
07:06Sheldon, we're working here.
07:07That's all right.
07:08I can barely hear you over my theremin.
07:09Well, that was a little uncalled for.
07:39No, that was completely called for.
07:41We need quiet.
07:42So your project is more important than mine.
07:45Well, seeing as your project is to sabotage my project, yes.
07:49Don't beat around the bush, Leonard.
07:50If you don't want me here, just say the word and I'll leave.
07:58Could have beaten around the bush a little.
08:01What's going on?
08:02Oh, nothing's going on.
08:03Excuse me.
08:04Are you just getting home?
08:05Yeah.
08:06Well, that's a good sign, right?
08:07Oh, yeah.
08:08I'm so proud of you.
08:09You sold yourself out like a common streetwalker.
08:10No, I didn't do it for the money.
08:11She stiffed you?
08:12I believe that's what your roommate did to her.
08:13What?
08:14Again, read the book we gave you.
08:15Ah, there he is.
08:16The man of the hour.
08:17He's here.
08:18He's here.
08:19He's here.
08:20He's here.
08:21He's here.
08:22He's here.
08:23He's here.
08:24He's here.
08:25He's here.
08:26He's here.
08:27He's here.
08:28He's here.
08:29He's here.
08:30He's here.
08:31He's here.
08:32He's here.
08:33He's here.
08:34He's here.
08:35The old man of the hour.
08:36He took one for the team.
08:40I didn't do it for the money.
08:43Keep telling yourself that.
08:45It makes it easier.
08:46Trust me, I know.
08:47You're a cool, buddy.
08:48That's awesome.
08:49Leonard, are you in the shower?
08:50I can't hear you.
08:51I'm in the shower!
08:55I asked if you were in the shower, but that's moot now
09:02Moot rendered unimportant by recent events
09:09I have to skip the chit-chat
09:12Emergency what kind of emergency?
09:15Mathematical 32-ounce banana smoothie 16-ounce bladder
09:20You might not want to do that why sure you I do
09:22I'm not alone in here. What?
09:31What are you doing in there? She can't be in here
09:34We're in here first you can't be in here according to the roommate agreement paragraph 9 subsection B
09:39The right to bathroom privacy is suspended in the event of force majeure and believe me. I'm experiencing a very majeure force
09:47You can't wait two minutes let the man be
10:01Move
10:05It's fairly technical
10:09I think I can handle it
10:11top of her class Cambridge University
10:13Top of her class Cambridge University license to practice law in three countries and your face
10:25All right based on a cursory reading it doesn't look like you have much of a case Sheldon do so do so
10:34Oh, I'm afraid not
10:36Section 7 here on the right to enter the bathroom in emergency situations is not specific as to what constitutes an emergency
10:43That's ridiculous a bathroom emergency is self-explanatory
10:47Is it if Leonard forgot to trim his nose hair could he barge in while you were showering?
10:52Irrelevant Leonard doesn't trim his nose hair. He thinks because he's short nobody can see up there
11:01My point is Sheldon the legal principle is ambiguity in a contract benefits the party that did not draft it in this case Leonard
11:08So much for count one, but there's no but Sheldon, that's how the law works school
11:19As for the shower capacity issue I cite addendum J
11:23When Sheldon showers second any and all measures shall be taken to ensure an adequate supply of hot water
11:28I believe this supersedes the occupancy issue
11:32superseded
11:39This isn't over
11:43No offense but shower sex with you is now the second best thing that's happened today
11:49Tonight is pizza night. I'd like to refer that to my attorney
11:55According to what I see here those two nights are Frank Kony's pizza night
11:59Yes, and when Frank Kony's went out of business we switched to Graziano's
12:04It's interesting. Can you just switch restaurants like that Priya?
12:08I
12:10Have a question Howard
12:13Turns out you can't
12:15According to the document you drew up Sheldon the selection of a new takeout restaurant requires public hearings and a 60-day comment period
12:22Were those criteria met?
12:30No
12:33Oh
12:37This is Greek food Leonard you hate Greek food not as much as you
12:45Good news. I finally have a handle on my idea for three-person chess
12:50That is good news. Bye
12:54Do you know how I solved the balance center combat area problem five words
12:59transitional quadrilateral to triangular tessellation
13:03Oh
13:05That's brilliant. It's what I do
13:09But wait, there's more I also invented two new chess pieces the serpent and the old woman
13:19Okay, now I have to ask what do they do when the serpent slithers to an opposing players piece that piece is considered poisoned
13:26And will die after two more moves
13:32Alright
13:34Unless it gets to the old woman in time in which case she sucks out the poison
13:40turning her into the Grand Empress a
13:46Piece combining the power of the night Queen and serpent
13:52Elegant that's because it's simple. Hey Priya. I'm the shepherd spy. You want to split that with me? Oh, no
13:59No, no, he doesn't
14:00Why not? Well, you know milk in the taters milk in the gravy Parmesan crust your lactose intolerant boyfriend will turn into a gas-filled
14:08Macy's day balloon
14:11Not quite accurate the Macy's balloons are filled with helium whereas Leonard produces copious amounts of methane
14:23No on the shepherds pie move on yeah a little tip he says he can eat frozen yogurt do not believe it
14:30I'll have the sea bass
14:33You gotta like this the girlfriend the ex-girlfriend bonding over your rudy tooty stinky booty
14:40Kill me it wouldn't help the human body is capable of being flatulent for hours after death
14:59You