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00:00Sheldon, why is this letter in the trash?
00:03Well, there's always the possibility that a trash can spontaneously formed around the letter.
00:08But Occam's razor would suggest that someone threw it out.
00:12It's from the Institute for Experimental Physics.
00:14They want us to present our paper on the properties of super solids at the topical conference on Bose-Einstein condensates.
00:20I know. I read it before I threw it out.
00:23Okay, if I may drill down to the bedrock of my question, why did you throw it out?
00:28Because I have no interest in standing in the rose room of the Pasadena Marriott in front of a group of judgmental strangers
00:34who wouldn't recognize true genius if it were standing in front of them giving a speech.
00:38Which, if I were there, it would be.
00:41I don't know. Sheldon, those topical conference on Bose-Einstein condensates parties are legendary.
00:46Forget the parties?
00:48Forget the parties? What a nerd.
00:52Are there any other honors I've gotten that I don't know about?
00:55Did UPS drop off a Nobel Prize with my name on it?
00:58Leonard, please don't take this the wrong way, but the day you win a Nobel Prize
01:01is the day I begin my research on the drag coefficient of tassels on flying carpets.
01:06The only thing missing from that insult was your mama.
01:12I got one. Hey, Leonard, your mama's research methodology is so flawed.
01:15Shut up, Howard.
01:18Sheldon, we have to do this.
01:19No, we don't.
01:20We have to take in nourishment, expel waste, and inhale enough oxygen to keep ourselves from dying.
01:25Everything else is optional.
01:28Okay, let me put it this way. I'm doing it.
01:30You can't. I'm the lead author.
01:32Come on. The only reason you're the lead author is because we went alphabetically.
01:36I let you think we went alphabetically to spare you the humiliation of dealing with the fact that it was my idea.
01:41Not to put too fine a point on it, but I was throwing you a bone.
01:45You're welcome.
01:47Excuse me. I designed the experiment to prove the hypothesis.
01:50It doesn't need proving.
01:52So the entire scientific community is just supposed to take your word?
01:56They're not supposed to, but they should.
01:59All right, I don't care what you say. I'm going to the conference and I'm presenting our findings.
02:03And I forbid it.
02:05You forbid it?
02:07If I'm not taking credit for our work, then nobody is.
02:09So you admit that it's our work?
02:11No. Once again, I'm throwing you a bone.
02:15Once again, you are welcome.
02:20Oh no, he didn't.
02:22Event A. A beautiful woman stands naked in our shower.
02:25Event B. We drive halfway across town to retrieve a television set from the aforementioned woman's ex-boyfriend.
02:31Query. On what plane of existence is there even a semi-rational link between these events?
02:37She asked me to do her a favor, Sheldon.
02:40Yes, well, that may be the proximal cause of our journey, but we both know it only exists in contradistinction to the higher-level distal cause.
02:47Which is?
02:48You think with your penis.
02:50That's a biological impossibility, and you didn't have to come.
02:54Oh, right. Yes, I could have stayed behind to watch Wolowitz try to hit on Penny in Russian, Arabic, and Farsi.
03:00Why can't she get her own TV?
03:02There's some kind of dispute between Penny and her ex-boyfriend as to who gets custody of the TV.
03:06She just wanted to avoid having a scene with him.
03:09Does he get to have a scene with him?
03:11No, Sheldon, there's not going to be a scene.
03:13I'll do the talking.
03:16Yeah.
03:17Hi, I'm Leonard, this is Sheldon.
03:19Hello.
03:20What did I just...
03:22Uh, we're here to pick up Penny's TV.
03:25Get lost.
03:26Okay, thanks for your time.
03:27We're not gonna give up just like that.
03:29Leonard, the TV's in the building.
03:31We've been denied access to the building, ergo we are done.
03:33Come on, we have a combined IQ of 360.
03:36We should be able to figure out how to get into a stupid building.
03:43What do you think their combined IQ is?
03:44Just grab the door.
03:48This is it.
03:51I'll do the talking.
03:52Good thinking, I'll just be the muscle.
03:55Yeah?
03:56Hi, I'm Leonard, this is Sheldon.
03:58From the intercom.
04:01How the hell did you get in the building?
04:03Uh, we're scientists.
04:08Tell him about our IQ.
04:11Leonard.
04:12What?
04:13My mom bought me those pants.
04:14I'm sorry.
04:15I,m sorry.
04:16We cannot do this without Wolowejts.
04:18We can't order Chinese food without Wolowets?
04:35Shut up.
04:38Where's Lance?
04:39Let me walk you through it.
04:41Our standard order is the steamed dumpling appetizer, General Tso's chicken, beef with
04:45broccoli, shrimp with lobster sauce, and vegetable lo mein.
04:49Do you see the problem?
04:51I see a problem.
04:54Our entire order is predicated on four dumplings and four entrees divided amongst four people.
05:03So we'll just order three entrees.
05:05Fine.
05:06What do you want to eliminate and who gets the extra dumpling?
05:08We could cut it into thirds.
05:10Then it's no longer a dumpling.
05:11Once you cut it open, it is at best a very small open-faced sandwich.
05:14Oh, hi, fellas.
05:16Oh, where's your annoying little friend who thinks he speaks Mandarin?
05:22He's putting his needs ahead of the collective good.
05:24Where he comes from, that's punishable by death.
05:27I come from Sacramento.
05:34Can we get an order of dumplings but with three instead of four?
05:36No substitutions.
05:38This isn't a substitution.
05:40It's a reduction.
05:41Okay.
05:42No reductions.
05:43Fine.
05:44Bring us three orders of dumplings.
05:47That's 12.
05:48We'll each have four.
05:49That works.
05:50No.
05:51If we fill up on dumplings, we need to eliminate another entree.
05:52No eliminations.
05:53If we have extra, we'll just take the leftovers home.
05:57And divide it how?
05:58I'm telling you, we cannot do this without Wolowitz.
06:01Wolowitz is with his new girlfriend.
06:03If you had let me invite Penny, then you would have had your fourth.
06:05Have you seen Penny eat Chinese food?
06:07She uses a fork and she double dips her egg rolls.
06:10We don't order egg rolls.
06:11Exactly.
06:12But we'd have to if she was here.
06:13Can we please make a decision?
06:15Not only are the children starving in India, there's an Indian starving right here.
06:21There's an idea.
06:22Why don't we just go out for Indian food?
06:23No.
06:24Ugh.
06:25You are nice boys.
06:26I'll tell you what I'm going to do.
06:29I'm going to bring you the four dumplings.
06:31When I'm walking over to the table, maybe I get bumped.
06:34One of the dumplings fall to the floor.
06:36No one has to know.
06:39I'll know.
06:40How about soup?
06:41Yeah, we can always divide soup.
06:42What about the wontons?
06:43I'm just saying, you can take the damn plastic off the couch once in a while.
06:44Why?
06:45So you and Howard can hump on it?
06:46Ladies, ladies.
06:47I'm sure there's a middle ground.
06:48Shut up, Howard.
06:49If you guys talk, I'm going to take my scooter out for a little spin.
07:06You happy?
07:07You drove your own son out of the house.
07:08Hey.
07:09Why don't you stop butting in when you don't belong?
07:10What are you guys doing here?
07:11It's Halo Night.
07:12He's not a man, he's a putz.
07:13And don't you take that tone with me, you gold digger.
07:14What are you guys doing here?
07:15What are you guys doing here?
07:16What are you guys doing here?
07:17What are you guys doing here?
07:18What are you guys doing here?
07:19What are you guys doing here?
07:20What are you guys doing here?
07:21What are you guys doing here?
07:22What are you guys doing here?
07:23What are you guys doing here?
07:24What are you guys doing here?
07:25What are you guys doing here?
07:26What are you guys doing here?
07:27What are you guys doing here?
07:28What are you guys doing here?
07:29What are you guys doing here?
07:30What are you guys doing here?
07:31What are you guys doing here?
07:32What are you guys doing here?
07:33What are you guys doing here?
07:34What are you guys doing here?
07:35What are you guys doing here?
07:36What are you guys doing here?
07:37What are you guys doing here?
07:38What are you guys doing here?
07:39What are you guys doing here?
07:40What are you guys doing here?
07:41What are you guys doing here?
07:42Any other questions?
07:44Dr. Sheldon Cooper here.
07:45I am the lead author of this particular paper.
07:47And you, sir, you have completely skipped over the part where I was walking through the park
07:48and I saw these children on a merry-go-round, which started me thinking about the moment
07:49of inertia in gases like helium at temperatures approaching absolute zero.
07:50I didn't skip it.
07:51It's just an anecdote.
07:52It's not science.
07:53Oh, I see.
07:54I see.
07:55I see.
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08:00I see.
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09:35I see.
09:36I see.
09:37I see.
09:39Is this usually how these physics things go?
09:43More often than you think.
09:49Let's go.
09:50Awooo.
09:51Tonight.
09:52I have to go.
09:53Awooo.
09:54Tonight.
09:55What the hell is that?
10:03I don't know.
10:07But if cats could sing, they'd hate it too.
10:10You want to prowl, be my night owl, we'll take my hat, hey guys, hi, where are you going?
10:24What?
10:25I had to mail some letters and throw away some chicken.
10:49You'll never guess what just happened.
10:50I give up.
10:51I don't guess.
10:52As a scientist, I reach conclusions based on observation and experimentation.
10:57Although as I'm saying this, it occurs to me you may have been employing a rhetorical
11:00device, rendering my response moot.
11:02What was that?
11:04Believe it or not, personal growth.
11:07What happened?
11:08Alright, remember when I auditioned for that workshop production of Rent, but I didn't
11:11get it and I couldn't figure out why?
11:12I have a conclusion based on an observation.
11:14No, you don't.
11:15No, he doesn't.
11:16Well, the girl they picked to play Mimi, she dropped out and they asked me to replace
11:21her.
11:22Congratulations.
11:23What a lucky break.
11:24It's not a big deal.
11:25Just a one night showcase, but they invite a lot of casting people and agents, so you
11:27never know.
11:28I think I know.
11:29No, you don't.
11:30He doesn't.
11:31It's this Friday at 8.
11:32Do you guys want to come?
11:33No.
11:34Because, uh, Friday we are attending a symposium on molecular positronium.
11:44I think that's a week from Tuesday at 6.
11:46No, it's this Friday.
11:48At 8.
11:49Oh, too bad.
11:50Well, I gotta get to rehearsal.
11:51See you guys.
11:52See ya.
11:53Let's go out tonight.
11:59You just lied to Penny.
12:00Yes, I did.
12:01I mean, you did it so casually.
12:03No rapid breathing, no increase in perspiration.
12:05So?
12:06So, lack of a physiological response while lying is characteristic of a violent sociopath.
12:12Sheldon, are you worried about your safety?
12:14No.
12:15I imagine if you were going to kill me, you'd have done it a long time ago.
12:20That's very true.
12:40What is it?
12:42I'm uncomfortable having been included in your lie to Penny.
12:46What was I supposed to say?
12:48You could have told her the truth.
12:49That would have hurt her feelings.
12:52Is that a relevant factor?
12:54Yes.
12:56Then I suppose you could have agreed to go.
12:58And what would I have said afterwards?
13:00I would suggest something to the effect of, singing is neither an appropriate vocation
13:05nor avocation for you.
13:06And if you disagree, I'd recommend you have a CAT scan to look for a tumor pressing on
13:10the cognitive processing centers of your brain.
13:15I couldn't say that.
13:16I would have to say, you were terrific, and I can't wait to hear you sing again.
13:21Why?
13:22It's the social protocol.
13:25It's what you do when you have a friend who's proud of something they really suck at.
13:30I was not aware of that.
13:32Well, now you are.
13:33Oh.
13:34Alright.
13:35Leonard?
13:36Yes?
13:37When we played chess earlier, you were terrific, and I can't wait to play you again.
13:40Good night.
13:46Leonard?
13:55Oh dear God.
13:58Leonard?!
14:01Leonard, I'm sick.
14:07Leonard?!
14:10Leonard, I'm sick.
14:15Leonard? Leonard? Leonard, my comforter fell down and my sinuses hurt when I bend over.
14:31Leonard?
14:40Ow.
14:48Hey, Leonard, where are you?
14:50I'm at work.
14:53At 6.30 in the morning?
14:55Yes.
14:57On Sunday?
14:59Yes.
15:01Why?
15:02They asked me to come in.
15:03I didn't hear the phone ring.
15:05They texted me.
15:08Well, as I predicted, I am sick.
15:12My fever has been tracking up exponentially since 2 a.m.
15:15and I am producing sputum at an alarming rate.
15:21No kidding.
15:22Nope, not only that, it has shifted from clear to milky green.
15:31Howard, it's the phone.
15:36I know it's the phone, Ma. I hear the phone.
15:40Well, who's calling at this ungodly hour?
15:43I don't know.
15:45Well, ask them why they're calling at this ungodly hour.
15:50How can I ask them when I'm talking to you?
15:57Hello?
15:59Howard, it's Leonard. Code milky green.
16:01Dear Lord, not milky green.
16:14What do you see? What do you see?
16:16The living room appears to be empty.
16:17Okay, he must be in his bedroom.
16:19My spare glasses are in my bedroom on my dresser next to my bat signal.
16:26I'm not going in there.
16:27Raj?
16:28No way, Jose.
16:30Look, I can't do it. I can't see anything.
16:32It's all right. Wireless minicam and Bluetooth headset will be your eyes.
16:39Fine.
16:40One more thing.
16:41This is a subsonic impact sensor.
16:46If Sheldon gets out of bed and starts to walk,
16:48this device will register it and send the signal to the laptop.
16:51At that point, based on the geography of the apartment and the ambulatory speed of a sick Sheldon,
16:55you'll have seven seconds to get out, glasses or no glasses.
16:59Won't my footsteps set it off?
17:01No, you'll be on your hands and knees.
17:03Now, you'll need to get the sensor as close as you can to Sheldon's room.
17:06But how do I carry it if I'm on my hands and knees?
17:14Stay low.
17:16Bare left.
17:18Now keep true.
17:19What?
17:20It means go straight.
17:21I didn't just say go straight.
17:23You don't say go straight when you're giving bearings. You say keep true.
17:28All right.
17:33I just hit my head.
17:36Because you didn't keep true.
17:40Okay, turn right.
17:43The picture's breaking up.
17:45Angle your head to the right.
17:48Now a little more.
17:50A little more.
17:53That's it. Now just keep true.
17:58All right. You're close enough to Sheldon's room. Deploy the sensor.
18:03Now turn it on.
18:05It wasn't on?
18:07No.
18:08Then why did I have to crawl?
18:11Oh, I guess you didn't.
18:17Okay, it's on.
18:18Good. From this point forward, you will have to crawl.
18:23I know.
18:28Hang on. The sensor's picking up something. Turn your head back.
18:37You rat bastard.
18:41Told you the sensor would work.
18:45Why?
18:46You deliberately stuck me with Sheldon.
18:48Come on, I had to. You see what he's like.
18:51Betty, Betty, I'm hungry.
18:54It's okay, sweetie. Good news. Leonard's home.
18:57No.
18:58Here you go. Good luck. Bye.
19:00Wait, wait.
19:01Leonard, I'm hungry.
19:03Penny, take me with you.
19:15I want grilled cheese.
19:17So, Dennis, how long have you been in America?
19:19A year and a half.
19:20No kidding. You speak English really well.
19:22So do you.
19:24Except for your tendency to ensensis with prepositions.
19:29What are you talking about?
19:32That.
19:34He's not wrong.
19:37All right. And this is my office.
19:39Is this part of the tour?
19:40Nope. Goodbye.
19:43Come on, Sheldon. We've hardly shown him anything.
19:45All right. This is my desk.
19:48These are my books. This is my door.
19:50Please close it behind you. Goodbye.
19:54Looks like you're doing work in quantum loop corrections.
19:56Keen observation. Goodbye.
19:59You see where you went wrong, don't you?
20:02Leonard?
20:03Yeah?
20:05Get him out.
20:07Come on, Dennis. I'll show you the rec center.
20:09They've got Nautilus equipment.
20:10Do I look like I lift weights?
20:13Not heavy ones.
20:15It's startling to me you haven't considered Lorentz invariant or field theory approach.
20:20You think I haven't considered it?
20:22You really think I haven't considered it?
20:24Have you considered it?
20:27Get him out, Leonard.
20:28Come on, Dennis. I'll show you the radiation lab.
20:32Wow. You won the Stevenson award?
20:35Yes. In fact, I am the youngest person ever to win it.
20:39Really? How old?
20:41Fourteen and a half.
20:42You were the youngest person ever to win it?
20:48It's like looking into an obnoxious little mirror, isn't it?
20:51Sheldon, I think I've made a mistake.
20:53I can see that. Unless you're planning on running a marathon,
20:56choosing both stuffing and mashed potatoes is a starch-filled redundancy.
21:00No, it's about Penny.
21:02A mistake involving Penny.
21:04Okay, you'll have to narrow it down.
21:08I don't think I can go out with her tonight.
21:10Then don't.
21:11Then don't.
21:13Other people would say, why not?
21:15Other people might be interested.
21:19I'm gonna talk anyway.
21:20I assumed you would.
21:23Now that I'm actually about to go out with Penny,
21:25I'm not excited. I'm nauseous.
21:27Ah, then your meal choice is appropriate.
21:29Starch absorbs fluid,
21:31which reduces the amount of vomit available for violent expulsion.
21:35Sheldon, this date is probably my one chance with Penny.
21:38What happens if I blow it?
21:40Well, if we accept your premise,
21:42and also accept the highly improbable assumption
21:45that Penny is the only woman in the world for you,
21:47then we can logically conclude that the result of blowing it
21:50would be that you end up a lonely, bitter old man with no progeny.
21:54The image of any number of evil lighthouse keepers
21:56from Scooby-Doo cartoons comes to mind.
21:59Tell me whether or not to go through with the date.
22:01Schrodinger's cat.
22:04Wow, that's brilliant.
22:07You sound surprised.
22:09Leonard, a moment.
22:10What?
22:11If someone, and of course we don't know who this would be,
22:13does ask where you've gone, what should I say?
22:16I don't know. Just tell them I went to the office.
22:18Are you going to the office?
22:20No.
22:21Well, then how can I say it convincingly?
22:23Just say, Leonard went to the office.
22:25All right.
22:26Leonard went to the office.
22:34No, not like that. Just Leonard went to the office.
22:37This would have worked out a lot better
22:38if you'd just told me you were going to the office.
22:41I'm going to the office.
22:43See, why don't I believe you?
22:50I'm going out for a while.
22:52Okay.
23:03Doesn't anyone want to know where he's going?
23:07Okay, where is he going?
23:09Leonard is going to the office.
23:16Here you go. Fresh from the cleaners. Good as new.
23:18Really great.
23:19Sheldon, look. Good as new.
23:20From that key maker, I highly doubt it.
23:24Come on, Sheldon. Just give it a try.
23:29All right.
23:33There. Nice and comfy cozy.
23:35Zero, zero, zero.
23:37There's one more zero.
23:40You forgot the time parameter.
23:43Sit on the damn couch.
24:06Nope.
24:10What do you mean, nope? What's wrong with it?
24:12Nothing. It's what's wrong with him.
24:15It's exactly the same.
24:17Penny, Penny. I think I know what to do.
24:21Sheldon, I have some bad news.
24:23More?
24:25Afraid so.
24:26You know the cashew chicken I get you on Monday nights?
24:29Yes, from Szechuan Palace.
24:31Yes, from Szechuan Palace.
24:34Szechuan Palace closed two years ago.
24:39What?
24:41Where did my cashew chicken come from?
24:43Golden Dragon.
24:50No.
24:54Oh, this isn't right.
24:56Our food always comes in Szechuan Palace containers.
24:59Yeah, well, before they went out of business,
25:01I bought 4,000 containers.
25:05I keep them in the trunk of my car.
25:09But...
25:11Oh, this changes everything.
25:15I thought that might take his mind off the cushion.
25:18What's real? What isn't? How can I know?
25:23You did make that up, right?
25:24Oh, God, I wish I had.
25:27Leonard?
25:28Yeah, buddy?
25:29I still don't like this cushion.
25:31Maintaining five friendships promises to be a Herculean task,
25:35so I'm going to have to let one of you go.
25:41Me, me, let it be me.
25:45Leonard, you are my roommate, my source of transportation,
25:49and you help me fold my sheets when they come out of the dryer.
25:53You are safe.
25:57Can I whistle?
25:58Don't be silly.
26:00Howard, you do not have a PhD.
26:03Your cologne is an assault on the senses,
26:06and you're not available for video games during the Jewish high holidays.
26:12Guilty as charged. I'm out.
26:13No, you two are safe.
26:16Oh, come on. What do I have to do?
26:20Okay, you know what? I see where this is going.
26:23I'm not one of you guys. I'm not a scientist.
26:25Penny, Penny, Penny, everything you're saying is true,
26:28but please allow me to continue.
26:30Raj, you're out.
26:37It's a good question.
26:39While you do provide a certain cultural diversity to an otherwise homogenous group,
26:43your responses to the questionnaire were truly disturbing.
26:46How could you for a moment think that my favorite amino acid is glutamine?
26:51He had lysine, but changed it.
26:54Shoulda, woulda, coulda, Raj.
26:56Your Facebook status update, Leonard Hofstadter is in a relationship.
27:01What? No. No, that's not right.
27:04Oh, man, did you switch your status before she did?
27:09Speaking as an expert, way to look needy.
27:13Seriously? You went first after only two weeks?
27:16That's bold.
27:18It's not bold. It's a mistake. I didn't change my status.
27:22Well, then who did?
27:29I had no choice. He cried in front of her.
27:33You hacked my Facebook account?
27:36Oh, it's hardly hacking when you use the same password for everything, Kal-El.
27:42Are you insane? Now she's gonna think I'm desperate.
27:45You're desperate. You've destroyed this relationship.
27:48And you wanna know the worst part is you don't even understand what you did wrong
27:52because you can't conceive of something that you are not an expert in.
27:56In which I am not an expert.
27:58Don't even!
28:02Don't wanna hear another word out of you.
28:08What's wrong, Lassie? Timmy fall down the well?
28:12Oh, wow. She just updated her Facebook status.
28:17Stephanie Barnett is in a relationship with Leonard Hofstetter.
28:22Really?
28:26Oh, look at that. I have a girlfriend.
28:30If I'm permitted to speak again, Dr. Sheldon Cooper, for the win.
28:34To begin with, you will remove funny bone for $200.
28:40For this, I went to MIT.
28:43And begin.
28:49I think I swallowed something.
28:52I can't press any of the buttons with my gloves.
28:56Oh, son of a bitch!
28:59And now, you will remove funny bone for $200.
29:04Adversity is to be expected. Continue.
29:07Oh, boy, am I gonna get sued.
29:11Okay, I can't do this.
29:12Me either.
29:13Gentlemen, use your imagination. Innovate.
29:16Did Han Solo let Luke Skywalker freeze to death on the ice planet of Hoth?
29:21No. He cut open a Tauntaun and used its internal body heat to warm him up.
29:27You heard the man. Hold him down and I'll cut him open.
29:30Hang on. I know I don't possess the tools of leadership,
29:33but I don't understand why we can't assemble the equipment inside the Hoth and then take it outside.
29:39I hadn't thought of that.
29:43I guess we're done here.
29:46Oh, boy.
29:50What?
29:51I can't comment without violating our agreement that I not criticize your work.
29:56Then what was oh, boy?
29:58Great restraint on my part.
30:01There's nothing wrong with the science here.
30:04Perhaps you mean a different thing than I do when you say science.
30:15Okay, how's that?
30:17You actually had it right in the first place.
30:21Once again, you've fallen for one of my classic pranks.
30:25Bazinga.
30:31Well, now, here's a peculiar email.
30:34The president of the university wants me to meet him at his office tomorrow morning at 8 a.m.
30:38Why?
30:39Doesn't say. Must be an emergency.
30:41Everyone at the university knows I eat breakfast at 8 and move my bowels at 8.20.
30:47Yes, how did we live before Twitter?
30:52I guess you'll find out what it is in the morning.
30:55That's 14 hours away.
30:57And for the next 840 minutes, I'm effectively one of Heisenberg's particles.
31:01I know where I am or I know how fast I'm going, but I can't know both.
31:05How am I supposed to carry on with this huge annoying thing hovering over my head?
31:10Yeah, I know the feeling.
31:15The problem appears to be unsolvable.
31:17Maybe we could run some computer simulations.
31:19There are too many variables. It would take forever.
31:22We've got to be missing something.
31:24Let's start again.
31:25The movie is playing here at 7.20, here at 7.40, here at 8.10, and here at 8.45.
31:32These theaters have to be eliminated.
31:34Why? They're state-of-the-art. Digital projection, 20-channel surround sound.
31:38Yes, but they have no icy machines.
31:41Despite my aggressive letter-writing campaign, I might add.
31:45What about the multiplex here? The seats are terrific.
31:48They have Twizzlers instead of Red Vines. No amount of lumbar support can compensate for that.
31:53Well, it's going to take at least an hour to eat,
31:56and I don't see a Sheldon-approved restaurant proximate to a Sheldon-approved theater.
32:00We could eat after the movie.
32:02Unacceptable. The delay would result in tomorrow morning's bowel movement occurring at work.
32:07Hang on, hang on. There's a 7-Eleven here.
32:11We smuggle Slurpees, which are essentially icies, in under our coats
32:15after having a pleasant meal either here, here, or here.
32:19Wow, I don't see how we missed that.
32:22Excuse me, in what universe are Slurpees icies?
32:27That's how we missed it.
32:30Sheldon, would you be prepared on a non-presidential basis
32:33to create an emergency ad hoc Slurpee-icy equivalency?
32:36Oh, Leonard, you know I can't do that.
32:40Okay, I guess we only have one option.
32:43Yep, I don't see any way around it.
32:45Bye, Sheldon. See ya.
32:47Then do it.
32:54They're right, it was the only option.
32:57Stew the Cockatoo is new at the zoo.
33:01Author Sarah Carpenter lives in Fort Wayne, Indiana
33:06with her husband and best friend Mark and their cockatoo, Stew.
33:12Probably makes her an expert in making friends, wouldn't you agree?
33:16I don't like birds, they scare me.
33:19Me too.
33:22Most people don't see it.
33:27What are you reading?
33:29Curious George.
33:31Oh, I do like monkeys.
33:33Curious George is a monkey.
33:35Somewhat anthropomorphized, but yes.
33:38Say, maybe sometime you and I could go see monkeys together.
33:43Would you like that?
33:44Okay.
33:46Sheldon, what are you doing?
33:48I'm making friends with this little girl. What's your name?
33:51Rebecca.
33:53Hi, Rebecca. I'm your new friend, Sheldon.
33:55No, you're not. Let's go.
33:57We're really hitting it off.
33:59Don't look up those cameras.
34:03Yes?
34:05I'm Leonard Hofstetter. I called you about the apartment.
34:07I know what I said. I know what you said.
34:09I know what my mother said on March 5th, 1992.
34:12What is the sixth noble gas?
34:15What?
34:17You said you're a scientist. What is the sixth noble gas?
34:19Radon?
34:21Are you asking me or telling me?
34:24Telling you.
34:29Telling you.
34:31All right. Next question.
34:33Kirk or Picard?
34:35Oh, that's tricky.
34:36Original series over Next Generation, but Picard over Kirk.
34:41Correct.
34:43You've passed the first barrier to roommatehood.
34:46You may enter.
34:48Oh, this is pretty nice.
34:58The bedrooms are back there?
35:00That depends.
35:02I don't understand. Their existence is conditional?
35:03No, but your ability to perceive their existence is conditional on you passing the second and third barriers.
35:10There's three?
35:12Each more daunting than the last.
35:15Have a seat.
35:17Okay.
35:19No, that's where I sit.
35:22We combine these chemicals with ordinary dish soap, creating a little exothermic release of oxygen.
35:29Oh!
35:31Oh!
35:37For me, vengeance.
35:39Yes, exactly.
35:41This is brilliant, Sheldon. How are we going to deploy it in Kripke's office?
35:45Already taken care of.
35:47Observe.
35:49This is a live shot of Kripke's lab via a machine.
35:53Observe.
35:55This is a live shot of Kripke's lab via a mini-webcam I was able to install
36:00thanks to a dollar bill discreetly placed in the night janitor's shirt pocket.
36:04At the same time, I also secured large quantities of these chemicals above the tiles in the drop ceiling.
36:11Sheldon, you remind me of a young Lex Luthor.
36:16You flatter me, sir.
36:19Let me guess, motion sensors?
36:20Yes. The reaction will be triggered when Kripke reaches the center of the room.
36:29I gotta say, I am really impressed. This is truly the Sheldon Cooper way to get even.
36:41It may be low-tech, but I still maintain the whoopee cushion has comic validity.
36:47Here comes Kripke.
36:49Who is that with him?
36:51I believe that's the president of the university.
36:53And the board of directors. Abort! Abort!
36:55There is no abort.
36:56Well, how could you not put in an abort?
36:58I made a boo-boo, all right?
37:00I think the board will really appreciate how well we're using that NSA grant, President Sieber.
37:05Right here we have a micro-controlled plasma...
37:14Wow. Looks like the Ganges on laundry day.
37:19At least they don't know it was you.
37:22Hello, Kripke.
37:25This classic prank comes to you from the malevolent mind of Sheldon Cooper.
37:31If you'd like to see the look on your stupid face, this video is being instantly uploaded to YouTube.
37:38Oh, and a hat tip to Leonard Hofstadter and Raj Koothrappali for their support and encouragement in this enterprise.
37:49Well, I'm going back to India. What's your plan?
37:52Wallowith is trying to outflank us. Let out some string, add altitude, and I'll go under and cut his line.
37:58Why wouldn't Penny want her friends to meet me?
38:01Focus, Leonard, focus. The heat of battle is upon us. The dogs of war are unleashed.
38:06Maybe Koothrappali's right. Maybe I embarrass her.
38:09You're embarrassing me right now.
38:11A grown man worrying about such nonsense? We're in the middle of flying kites?
38:16Sorry.
38:18We won't bring their kites down.
38:20Oh, string worm, string worm.
38:25Oh, they think we're flanking. They're playing right into our hands.
38:29At the count of three, we execute the flying scissor. One, two, three.
38:34You see that?
38:36See what?
38:37That chick.
38:38She smiled at me.
38:39No, she didn't.
38:40Yes, she did.
38:41Come on, scissors, scissors.
38:42Hold my line.
38:43What are you doing? I cut scissors by myself. I would come back.
38:46Victory!
38:48Son of a bitch.
38:51It wasn't ever going to be a winner.
38:53There was going to be a selfish, petty person with a ring and three people who used to be his friend.
38:57Is that really what you guys want?
38:59Because if it is, fine. I don't want anything to do with you.
39:03And I don't know what happened in that bathroom, but I am not cleaning it up.
39:16My precious.
39:31I knew it.
39:45Give us the precious.
39:48Give it to me.
39:49Get off of me.
39:50Give me the ring. It's mine.
39:52Gotta go back to dating dumb guys from the gym.
40:01It's ten o'clock. Where have you been?
40:03We stayed for the California Adventure Water Show. It was pure Disney magic.
40:09I was going to see that with him.
40:11How was I supposed to know that?
40:12It's all right. I'll see it again with you.
40:14And I have food here. You said you were going to call.
40:16I know, I know.
40:17I can still eat.
40:18No, you already threw up once. Go put on your PJs and brush your teeth.
40:24Okay, but just don't fight.
40:26We're not fighting.
40:27Just go.
40:31Aren't you going to thank Penny for taking you to Disneyland?
40:34Thank you, Penny.
40:37We're watching football?
40:39There's no fooling you.
40:40Now, what is this sacks statistic they put up there?
40:44All I know about sacks is my mother shops there.
40:50Sacks. Sacks.
40:53It's football nomenclature for when a quarterback is tackled behind the line of scrimmage.
40:58Huh.
41:01Scrimmage.
41:03Scrimmage.
41:06The line of scrimmage is the imaginary transverse line separating the offense from the defense.
41:12Oh.
41:14Sheldon knows football?
41:17Apparently.
41:18I mean, Quidditch, sure, but football?
41:24Sheldon, how do you know this stuff?
41:26I grew up in Texas. Football is ubiquitous in Texas.
41:29Pro football, college football, high school football, peewee football.
41:33In fact, every form of football except the original, European football.
41:38Which most Texans believe to be a commie plot.
41:43Unbelievable.
41:44If you're interested, I also know all about frying meat that isn't chicken as if it were chicken.
41:52So, you could teach me?
41:55Football or chicken fried meats?
41:59Football.
42:00I'm going to Penny's on Saturday to watch a game with her friends and I don't want to look like an idiot.
42:04I want to blend in.
42:05You want to blend in with Penny's friends? I think looking like an idiot would be the perfect camouflage.
42:11Come on, Sheldon, please teach me football. It'll be fun.
42:13That's exactly what my father said.
42:16Come to the games, watch the games, week in and week out from the time I was five until I went off to college.
42:22Longest seven years of my life.
42:26Please, I'm asking you as a friend.
42:30Are you making this a tier one friendship request?
42:35Yes.
42:37Fine.
42:38I really appreciate this.
42:40Yeah, yeah.
42:41Alright, Poindexter, sit down, shut up and listen.
42:45I'm sorry?
42:46That's how my father always began our football conversations.
42:50And if you'd like, after the game, I'll take you outside and teach you how to shoot close enough to a raccoon that it craps itself.
43:00Thank you so much for opening up your home to me.
43:06Well, who wants to stay in a hotel with windows that don't open, those crazy card-shaped keys?
43:12I'm so glad you understand.
43:14No, he doesn't understand. I understand.
43:18I understand, too.
43:19You're just misappropriating my understanding.
43:22I think any university would want you.
43:25Except, of course, any university that had already had you.
43:28Because they would have already wanted you before they, you know, got you.
43:34From the mind that brought you high-low.
43:39Let me show you to your room.
43:41Alright, I guess I am tired. Good night, Leonard.
43:43Uh, sleep night.
43:44I mean, obviously, good night.
43:47I started to say sleep tight and then I changed my mind in the middle.
43:50I swear to God, I'm smart.
43:55Get it together, ma'am.
43:57Explain the couch.
43:58Uh, well, there were some people on the first floor moving out and they sold it to me for $100.
44:02Howard and Raj helped me bring it up.
44:04But what's wrong with the furniture we have?
44:06They're lawn chairs.
44:10And there was no place for company.
44:12Did it occur to you that was by design?
44:15According to the roommate agreement, I'm entitled to allocate 50% of the cubic footage of the common areas.
44:20But you didn't notify me by email, so this is still a breach.
44:25I did notify you.
44:26Oh, you did, did you?
44:44Drat.
44:48Hoisted by my own spam filter.
44:51What am I doing in your spam folder?
44:53I put you there after you forwarded me a picture of a cat playing the piano entitled, This is Funny.