Category
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FunTranscript
00:00Hey, Sheldon.
00:07Who is it?
00:09It's me, Sheldon, Mrs. Wolowitz.
00:11That's not my mom. It's Bernadette.
00:16Really? That's very unsettling.
00:19Hi, Sheldon.
00:20Hi.
00:22What's up?
00:23It just occurred to me that I never formally congratulated you on your pending nuptials.
00:28So I hopped on the first bus and high-tailed it down here to shake your hand.
00:32You put her there, you old so-and-so.
00:36I'm going to see you at work in 12 hours.
00:39Don't you think you could have waited until then?
00:43Holy smoke, why didn't I think of that?
00:46You're a better man than I, Howard Wolowitz.
00:48You put her there, you son of a gun.
00:52Whatever.
00:54Oh, my...
00:56It's...
00:59Oh, my God, Howie!
01:01What did you do?
01:02It was a harmless Halloween prank. Look.
01:05Howard has a heart condition, you know that?
01:08I thought he made that up.
01:10Isn't hypochondria a common idiosyncrasy of Jewish people?
01:17This is adrenaline. We're going to have to inject it into his heart.
01:20We are?
01:21You are. I'm not strong enough to get it through his chest plate and we've only got one shot.
01:27Oh, no, I can't.
01:30Hurry, we're running out of time.
01:33Okay.
01:34Just do it.
01:35Oh, God.
01:36One, two, three.
01:39Trick or treat, bubbla.
01:42What?
01:45No.
01:46You mean this was all a ruse?
01:48How can I be so stupid?
01:54Finally.
02:10Oh, what fresh hell is this?
02:12Wait, you can't leave here. You've been exposed.
02:18No, I haven't.
02:21It's all good.
02:28Mountain elf.
02:34He takes the elf from off the shelf.
02:39Hell hounds.
02:40Hell hounds.
02:41Hell hounds, who let the satanic dogs out?
02:48Colossal serpent.
02:49I got a colossal serpent right here.
02:55Must you?
02:56Sorry, I'm just trying to cheer my buddy up.
03:00Rotting zombie.
03:02Sheldon's new Facebook photo.
03:10Xandor, wizard of the north.
03:12Ha, I win.
03:14You skipped the part about being under a two week quarantine
03:16because you were exposed to a deadly disease?
03:18Absolutely.
03:22Obviously I care about Leonard.
03:24I'm going to spend the rest of my life with him.
03:26And I'm not?
03:31It's an earthquake.
03:32I knew it.
03:33Sheldon, it's just a little tremor.
03:35A little tremor that turns routine sinus surgery
03:37into a frontal lobotomy.
03:43Oh, I don't care for this at all.
03:45I need to see he's okay.
03:47Sheldon, you can't go back there.
03:49Try and stop me.
03:53Are you okay?
03:55Why didn't you stop me?
04:00Come on, smile.
04:01This is going to be my Christmas card.
04:07Look at all this cargo space.
04:09We'll get the crib out and you can take it for a test drive.
04:11I'm telling you, this van is going to be...
04:17Oh, is it your bath?
04:19Yeah.
04:22Anyway, let's just get in and see if the GPS can take us
04:25to the nearest emergency room.
04:30Uh, what was I thinking?
04:34Wallowitches are not unlifting people.
04:36We tipped the lifting people.
04:40Do we really have to sit for hours in the emergency room?
04:43They're just going to give you ice and Advil like last time.
04:46You're going to feel terrible when I'm in a wheelchair.
04:50Which, by the way, would fit easily in the back
04:52of this award-winning minivan.
04:55Fine, we'll go to the ER.
04:57Just stop selling me on the van.
04:59Okay, it sells itself.
05:03You have to admit, it's a pretty smooth ride.
05:05I was hoping you'd be quieter.
05:08If childbirth is half this bad, you are so screwed!
05:13All right, there's no need to bark at me.
05:17According to the inexplicably irritable nurse behind the desk,
05:21you'll be seen after the man who claims to be having a heart attack
05:23if it appears to be well enough to play Doodle Jump on his iPhone.
05:28We have to fill these out.
05:31Describe illness or injury.
05:34I dislocated my shoulder.
05:36All right.
05:38And how did the accident occur?
05:40You already know that.
05:43Cause of accident?
05:45Lack of adhesive ducts.
05:50Okay, medical history.
05:52Have you ever been diagnosed with diabetes?
05:54No.
05:55Kidney disease?
05:56No.
05:57Migraines?
05:58Getting one.
06:00Are you currently pregnant?
06:01No.
06:02Are you sure you look a bit puffy?
06:07Change migraine to yes.
06:10When was your last menstrual period?
06:12Oh, next question!
06:14All put in progress.
06:18Moving to psychiatric disorders.
06:20List all major behavioral diagnoses, e.g. depression, anxiety, etc.
06:24Oh my God, what the hell does this have to do with my stupid shoulder?
06:28Episodes of subpsychotic rage.
06:33Ass.
06:34Possible Tourette's.
06:38Moles, lesions, or other skin conditions.
06:41Soup tattoo on right buttock.
06:45Sheldon, Sheldon, look, I am scared and in a lot of pain.
06:49Could you please take a break from being you for just a minute and try being, I don't know, comforting?
06:57I'm sorry.
07:00They're there.
07:03Everything's going to be fine.
07:14Sheldon's here.
07:23Thanks, that's much better.
07:26Oh God, that feels so good.
07:34Yeah, that's the spot.
07:35Oh, baby.
07:37Howard, dinner's ready!
07:41I'll eat later, I'm busy!
07:45Oh yeah, just like a real hand.
07:55Hmm.
07:59Hey Howard, what's going on?
08:03Hold on, Howard, Howard, slow down.
08:06The robot hand is stuck on your what?
08:12You're not going to believe this.
08:20You slipped and fell into a robot hand.
08:25Yes.
08:29Yes, now help me.
08:35That's just a lubricant, but I have a feeling you fell on some of that as well.
08:40Not funny, Leonard.
08:41Really?
08:42A robot hand's got a death grip on your junk, dude.
08:44That's funny, I'll get you one.
08:47Wait, before my mother walks in, get this off me.
08:50Okay, let's see.
08:51No, no, don't touch, the program is paused.
08:53Well, then what's unpaused?
08:54No, no, I loaded the wrong program.
08:55The hand thinks it's holding a screwdriver in outer space.
08:57If you continue the program, it's going to start twisting.
09:04Okay, come on.
09:08Almost there.
09:15Don't tug, no tugging.
09:17Next time, take your own advice.
09:20Excuse me, could you help us out?
09:23My, my, my, what do we have here?
09:28I slipped and fell.
09:29Yeah, we get that a lot.
09:32What is this?
09:34It's a robot arm.
09:37Where's the rest of the robot?
09:39I only built the arm.
09:41Because that's all you needed, right?
09:45Can you please just help me?
09:48Alright, alright, hang on, stay calm.
09:52I need an orderly with a wheelchair.
09:54I got a robot hand grasping a man's penis out here.
09:59Could you be a little more discreet?
10:01I'm sorry, we don't have a code for robot hand grasping a man's penis.
10:06Why is it hooked up to a computer?
10:08It's what controls the arm.
10:09Well, it's frozen.
10:11Did you try turning it off and back on again?
10:14No, you see, it's more complicated than that.
10:16No, wait!
10:25Winnie the Pooh is out of the honey tree.
10:32Well, so much for making up for the emotional wounds of childhood.
10:38I did this.
10:40Monty was killed by my hubris and my pride.
10:43No matter what anybody says, this is my fault.
10:45No one's arguing with you, dude.
10:48I got your text, how bad is it?
10:53Forget the robot, what happened to you?
10:56He slipped and fell.
10:58Yes, I slipped and fell in the bathroom.
11:02Bounced right off the tub.
11:05Yes, now he knows what bathtubs are capable of doing when you don't treat them with respect.
11:10Yeah.
11:12They sucker punch you when your eyes are closed.
11:17So, what do you think, Howard?
11:19It's not that bad, right?
11:21Oh, no, a little electrical tape, some solder.
11:24Are you insane?
11:26I've seen space probes that crashed into the desert that were in better shape than this.
11:32You're right.
11:34Monty's gone.
11:35We'll bury him in the morning.
11:37It's a simple ceremony.
11:38I'll speak.
11:39Leonard, you'll play your cello.
11:42Sheldon, honey, aren't you getting a little carried away?
11:44I mean, it's just a toy robot.
11:49Just a toy robot?
11:57Penny.
11:58I know, I got it.
12:00Sheldon, I'm sorry.
12:06Don't get the wrong idea.
12:07The way I see it, I'm halfway to pity sex.
12:14Penny, listen, I've got a problem.
12:16Yeah, well, so do I.
12:17Look, you've got to stall Leonard a little longer.
12:19I don't think I can.
12:20You have to.
12:21We all have to be there at the same time to yell surprise.
12:23Okay, you have to understand something.
12:24We're in a hospital right now.
12:26Why?
12:27Is Leonard okay?
12:28Leonard's fine.
12:29I'm fine.
12:30Thanks for asking, by the way.
12:31Okay, I don't need your attitude.
12:32Listen, just hold him there a little longer.
12:34Look, I've done my best, but he wants to go home,
12:36and I don't know how to stop him.
12:37Okay, how about this?
12:39You keep him there a little longer,
12:40and when you get to the party,
12:41I'll point out which of my friends are easy.
12:53Don't toy with me, woman.
12:57I got a hot former fat girl with no self-esteem.
12:59I got a girl who punishes her father by sleeping around
13:02and an alcoholic who's two tequila shots away
13:03from letting you wear her like a hat.
13:08Thy will be done.
13:20I'm doing this for you, little buddy.
13:28Excuse me.
13:29My friend is having an allergic reaction to peanuts.
13:31No, he's not.
13:32Yes, he is.
13:33Look, sir, we are very busy here, and I just...
13:36Holy crap!
13:39Please help me.
13:42Come forward.
13:43I need a gurney.
13:45Right away, right away.
13:49So, what do you think?
13:50Do you like her?
13:51She's great, huh?
13:52She's a lovely girl.
13:54Cute as a button.
13:56That's good to hear, because I've got some news.
14:00I hope it's good news,
14:02because I've got nothing but disappointment in here.
14:14Bernadette and I are getting married.
14:21Ma?
14:24You too busy bearing down?
14:29Ma?
14:33Oh, my gosh, Ma.
14:35Stand back.
14:36I'm going to break the door down.
14:45Son of a bitch!
14:46Ma, help!