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00:00Buona Sera, Luigi's Pizza.
00:03Buona Sera.
00:05It means good evening in Italian.
00:07May I say having to explain that to you
00:09calls into question the authenticity of your ristorante?
00:12Okay, I'm out of here.
00:16Un momento.
00:18Oh, for heaven's sake.
00:19Now you're being deliberately stupid.
00:22Where are you going?
00:23I'm having dinner with Priya at Raj's.
00:25I think Howard's going to be there.
00:25You want to join us?
00:27But tonight's Thursday.
00:28On Thursdays, everybody comes over here and has pizza.
00:31Or a reasonable facsimile prepared by someone
00:34claiming to be Luigi,
00:35but who sounds suspiciously like Jackie Chan.
00:39Can we make a one-time exception for tonight?
00:41We could.
00:42We could also stop using the letter M.
00:45But I think that idea is is guided and auronic.
00:49Just come with me to Raj's.
00:51Well, I don't want to go to a party.
00:53It's not a party.
00:54It's the same group of people who hang out here
00:55hanging out over there.
00:56I'm sorry, but five people eating and chatting is a party.
01:01How come it's not a party when we do it here?
01:03Because we don't throw parties.
01:06I don't know what to tell you, Sheldon.
01:07I'm going to see Priya.
01:08Everyone's over there.
01:09Are you coming or not?
01:10No, sir.
01:10And do you know why?
01:12In a word, tradition.
01:15Every Thursday night for the last eight years,
01:17you and I and our friends have gathered here
01:20in this very spot to break bread
01:22covered with cheese and sauce,
01:24discuss the issues of the day.
01:26Yes, share a laugh or two.
01:29But I guess our rich heritage means nothing to you.
01:33I guess you're right.
01:34See you later.
01:35Leonard, wait.
01:37What am I going to do for dinner?
01:38Come with me to Raj's and eat there.
01:40Well, I can't do that.
01:42What if he serves haggis and blood pudding?
01:46I really doubt that's what he'll serve.
01:49But what if he does?
01:50I'll be obliged to dine on liver and lungs
01:53stuffed in a sheep's stomach.
01:55And frankly, blood pudding is essentially the same thing.
01:57I don't know why he's serving both.
02:00What do you want to do?
02:01Do you want to come with me
02:02or do you want to sit here alone?
02:03No, I'll go to your haggis party.
02:06I'm telling you, this is Adness.
02:08This is utter and complete Adness.
02:12Hi.
02:12Hey.
02:13What you got there?
02:14Oh, I grabbed a sandwich at the food truck out front.
02:16Well, now hold on.
02:18Tonight is Friday and I believe you know what that means.
02:21And my fun young life took a drastic turn somewhere.
02:26No.
02:27But yeah.
02:29No, that means it's Chinese food night.
02:32Yeah, and you have Chinese food.
02:33So eat it.
02:34But I can smell your pastrami
02:36and we can all hear you're complaining.
02:38So no one's happy.
02:40It does smell good.
02:41It is.
02:42I had one the other day.
02:43I'm telling you, what is happening?
02:44Everybody's supposed to be eating Chinese food.
02:47Well, actually, I believe the Chinese
02:48may have invented the sandwich.
02:50Their dish, rou jiao ma,
02:51literally means meat between bread.
02:53So it looks like all of us, including Penny,
02:56are eating Chinese food.
02:57Except for you, Sheldon.
02:58You're eating crow.
03:01I'm sorry.
03:02I think you're forgetting that the sandwich
03:04was invented by John Montagu, the Earl of Sandwich.
03:08Oh, the truck's called Pearl of Sandwich.
03:10Now I get it.
03:13All right.
03:14That smells too good.
03:14I gotta get one of those.
03:16And I think you're forgetting
03:17that there are written documents
03:19of meat between bread being eaten in China
03:21during the Tang Dynasty.
03:24You know what?
03:25I'll go with you.
03:26And then maybe we just go home.
03:28I think you're defining bread very loosely.
03:30If we go down that road, where does it end?
03:32Well, I would say when we go to bed,
03:34but you talk in your sleep.
03:37I don't want to get into this with you right now.
03:38We'll talk about this when I'm asleep.
03:42I don't want to talk about it when you're asleep.
03:44How come we can't talk about it now?
03:46Because I'm eating now.
03:48Fine.
03:49How's your mu shu?
03:50No, it's great.
03:52Hey, look at that.
03:55Oh, well, maybe the Chinese did invent the sandwich.
04:00I guess you were right.
04:03Too bad no one's around to hear it.
04:09Greek food on pizza night?
04:10This is the most delightfully cruel thing
04:12we've done to Sheldon
04:13since we left that fake message
04:14from Stephen Hawking on his voicemail.
04:18Seriously?
04:19I'd wish to discuss your theories at my home.
04:24Meet me at the Randy's Donut by the airport at 2 a.m.
04:32What is that you're eating?
04:34Tonight is pizza night.
04:36I'd like to refer that to my attorney.
04:40According to what I see here,
04:42those two nights are Franconi's pizza night.
04:44Yes, and when Franconi's went out of business,
04:47we switched to Graziano's.
04:49That's interesting.
04:50Can you just switch restaurants like that, Priya?
04:56Good question, Howard.
04:58Turns out you can't.
05:00According to the document you drew up, Sheldon,
05:02the selection of a new takeout restaurant
05:04requires public hearings and a 60-day comment period.
05:08Were those criteria met?
05:16No.
05:18Oh, come on!
05:22This is Greek food?
05:24Leonard, you hate Greek food.
05:26Not as much as you.
05:33Fine.
05:34I'm nothing if not adaptable.
05:37I got you the lamb kebab.
06:04If you think about it,
06:05Greek food isn't that far from Italian food.
06:08They share a spice palette.
06:11Man, what a civilization is the Greeks.
06:20They gave us science, democracy,
06:23and little cubes of charred meat that taste like sweat.
06:30Boy, it seems like forever since the four of us
06:32have been out to eat, you know?
06:33Just the guys.
06:34Oh, it's been a long time since I've been out to eat.
06:37Oh, God, yes, we get it.
06:39You have a girlfriend now.
06:41A little jealous, are we?
06:43No, I'm not jealous.
06:48All right, I'd kill a hobo if he'd get me laid.
06:50Now, can we order?
06:52Oh, dear Lord, they redid the menu.
06:55So what? It's the same food.
06:57Oh, is it?
06:58Look at this.
06:59General Tso's chicken is no longer listed under specialties.
07:02It's now under chicken.
07:04Tso?
07:05Yes, General Tso.
07:09Not Tso the chicken, Tso the question.
07:12Tso?
07:14Tso.
07:15Why is it no longer a specialty?
07:17Did the chef lose confidence in the dish or himself?
07:21And look over here.
07:22Shrimp in mobster sauce.
07:26What is mobster sauce?
07:28It's obviously a typo.
07:30Perhaps.
07:31It's obviously a typo.
07:33Perhaps.
07:34Or perhaps this restaurant's now a front for organized crime.
07:38After all, we know the mobster sauce contains actual chunks of deceased mobsters.
07:42No, no, no, no.
07:44I think it just means it's the kind of sauce that mobsters like.
07:47It doesn't mean any of that.
07:49It's a typo.
07:50You know what, let's just get a pizza.
07:51Good idea.
07:52We'll go to Corleone's.
07:54Sure, no mobsters there.
07:58Gee, Penny, thanks for buying us dinner.
08:00Yeah, what's the occasion?
08:02Nope, no occasion.
08:03Just felt like getting some Chinese chow from my peeps.
08:08Did you remember to ask for the chicken with broccoli to be diced, not shredded?
08:10Yes.
08:11Even though the menu description specifies shredded?
08:12Yes.
08:13Brown rice, not white?
08:14Yes.
08:15Did you stop at the Korean grocery and get the good hot mustard?
08:16Yes.
08:17Did you pick up the lecithin soy sauce from the market?
08:18Yes.
08:19Good.
08:22Let's see how it's done, Leonard.
08:27So, what do we got going on tonight, huh?
08:28Playing Halo?
08:29Watching Battlestar?
08:30Drop some Mentos and Diet Coke?
08:34You want to watch Battlestar?
08:35What can I say?
08:36I got my geek on, boys.
08:41No, no, PMS is different.
08:47Thank God you're home.
08:48I need help.
08:49What's wrong?
08:50I just got a call back to audition for CSI to play a hooker who gets killed.
08:53Oh, I'd watch that.
08:56But my car is in the shop and I have to be at Universal in 45 minutes.
09:00Okay, well, I'll take you.
09:01Oh, you're a lifesaver.
09:03I'll run lines with you in the car.
09:05Great.
09:06And afterward, I'll take you all out for Chinese.
09:08Oh, actually, that's okay.
09:09We already had.
09:10Yum.
09:11Howdy.
09:14Chinese food right here.
09:18They're gone, Penny.
09:19They can't hear you.
09:20They can't hear you.
09:24I cannot believe they're letting her just use them like that.
09:27Anything she wants, they go panting after her like trained dogs.
09:30You know that just last week she had Howard drive all the way to her uncle's house in Orange County to pick up her TV?
09:35You want Ted Leonard and me to get your television from your ex-boyfriend?
09:41Apples and oranges here, Sheldon.
09:45I'm telling you, that girl is a user.
09:47Living through life on her looks, taking advantage of innocent, weak-willed men, getting auditions for stupid network shows.
09:53It just creams my corn.
09:58May I interject something here?
09:59Please.
10:00You got the wrong mustard.
10:04Leonard, I don't mean to alarm you, but the Chinese food smells funny.
10:08That's because it's barbecue.
10:11But it's Chinese food night.
10:13I picked it.
10:14You told me to stop being such a satisficer all the time.
10:16What? I did not.
10:18I just pointed out that you were one.
10:20It's what I like best about you.
10:22Well, that and those little notes you leave in my lunch.
10:26I leave those!
10:30Well, that's disappointing.
10:32I already know that you heart me, now I don't know if Leonard does.
10:35Well, this is what we're having for dinner.
10:37You can eat it or not, I don't care.
10:39I guess that answers the heart question.
10:42It's fine.
10:43We'll have barbecue.
10:44Of course, I am nothing if not flexible.
10:46I am sure that at some point in the 3,000 year history of the Chinese Empire,
10:51a cavalryman crossing the Gobi Desert was forced by hunger to eat his own horse
10:55and roasted over a campfire, hence Chinese barbecue.
10:58Let's eat.
11:01I'm sorry, I didn't watch the news today.
11:04Has the whole world gone mad?
11:07It's my house.
11:08I'm tired of being told where I can and can't sit.
11:13You did this.
11:16Amy, grab your meat, we're leaving in a huff.
11:20I'm sorry, if I don't go now, it's not a huff.
11:26Don't take this the wrong way, but that was even more exciting than the sex.
11:32Don't take this the wrong way, but yes it was.
11:39I'm sorry, we cannot do this without Wolowitz.
11:42We can't order Chinese food without Wolowitz?
11:45Let me walk you through it.
11:46Our standard order is the steamed dumpling appetizer,
11:49General Tso's chicken, beef with broccoli,
11:51shrimp with lobster sauce, and vegetable lo mein.
11:54Do you see the problem?
11:57I see a problem.
11:59Our entire order is predicated on four dumplings and four entrees
12:03divided amongst four people.
12:08So, we'll just order three entrees.
12:10Fine, what do you want to eliminate, and who gets the extra dumpling?
12:13We could cut it into thirds.
12:15Then it's no longer a dumpling.
12:16Once you cut it open, it is at best a very small open-faced sandwich.
12:21Oh, hi fellas.
12:22Oh, where's your annoying little friend who thinks he speaks Mandarin?
12:27He's putting his needs ahead of the collective good.
12:29Where he comes from, that's punishable by death.
12:33I come from Sacramento.
12:34Sacramento.
12:39Can we get an order of dumplings, but with three instead of four?
12:42No substitutions.
12:44This isn't a substitution, it's a reduction.
12:47Okay, no reductions.
12:50Fine, bring us three orders of dumplings, that's twelve, we'll each have four.
12:54That works.
12:55No, if we fill up on dumplings, we need to eliminate another entree.
12:58No eliminations.
13:01If we have extra, we'll just take the leftovers home.
13:03How? I'm telling you, we cannot do this without Wolowitz.
13:06Wolowitz is with his new girlfriend.
13:08If you had let me invite Penny, then you would have had your fourth.
13:10Have you seen Penny eat Chinese food?
13:12She uses a fork, and she double dips her egg rolls.
13:15We don't order egg rolls.
13:17Exactly, but we'd have to if she was here.
13:19Can we please make a decision?
13:20Not only are the children starving in India, there's an Indian starving right here.
13:26Here's an idea, why don't we just go out for Indian food?
13:28No, ugh.
13:31You are nice boys.
13:32Tell you what I'm going to do.
13:34I'm going to bring you the four dumplings.
13:36When I'm walking over to the table, maybe I get bumped.
13:39One of the dumplings fall to the floor.
13:41No one has to know.
13:44I'll know.
13:51How about soup?
13:52Yeah, we can always divide soup.
13:53What about the wontons?
13:56Sheldon, think this through.
13:58You're going to ask Howard to choose between sex and Halo.
14:01No, I'm going to ask him to choose between sex and Halo 3.
14:05As far as I know, sex has not been upgraded to include high-def graphics and enhanced weapon systems.
14:11All sex has is nudity, orgasms, and human contact.
14:15My point.
14:17I'm just saying, you can take the damn plastic off the couch once in a while.
14:21What, so you and Howard can hump on it?
14:25Ladies, ladies, I'm sure there's a middle ground.
14:27Shut up, Howard!
14:31You guys talk. I'm going to take my scooter out for a little spin.
14:34You happy? You drove your own son out of the house!
14:36Why don't you stop running in when you don't belong?
14:38What are you guys doing here?
14:39It's Halo night.
14:41He's not a man, he's a putz.
14:43And don't you take that tone with me, you gold digger.
14:45What did you call me?
14:46You heard me.
14:47And I'll tell you something else.
14:48You're barking up the wrong tree.
14:50Because as long as you're around, Howard is out of the will.
14:54You know what? I've got better offers.
14:55I'm out of here!
14:57That's right.
14:58Go back to Mabel on you, hoa!
15:04So, Halo night, huh?
15:08I thought she was the whore of Omaha.
15:13Did you remember to ask for the chicken with broccoli to be diced, not shredded?
15:16Yes.
15:17Even though the menu description specifies shredded?
15:18Yes.
15:19Brown rice, not white?
15:20Yes.
15:21Did you stop at the Korean grocery and get the good hot mustard?
15:22Yes.
15:23Did you pick up the low-sodium soy sauce from the market?
15:24Yes.
15:26You're welcome.
15:29What took you so long?
15:32Just sit down and eat.
15:33Fine.
15:38All right, it's shredded.
15:39What do you want me to do?
15:41I want you to check before you accept the order.
15:43Sorry.
15:46Were you distracted by the possibility that Cthulhu Pali might have intercourse with Penny tonight?
15:53He's not going to have intercourse with Penny.
15:55Then there's no excuse for this chicken.
15:59Who wants the last dumpling?
16:00It wasn't me.
16:01Do it to Penny.
16:02A moment.
16:03We just had Thai food.
16:05And in that culture, the last morsel is called the Grangie piece.
16:09And it is reserved for the most important and valued member of the group.
16:20Thank you all for this high honor.
16:25I've seen pictures of your mother.
16:26Keep eating.
16:29You're welcome.
16:33All right, honey, if we're going to make the movie, we should go.
16:40This may be hard for you to hear, but when I say honey, I mean my fiancé.
16:47Yeah, well, now it means her.
16:52It's okay if he wants to come.
16:54Fine, but next time we get a sitter.
16:57Okay, it's done.
16:59Look, guys, for the future, I don't mind killing the big spiders, but you have to at least try with the little ones.
17:06Penny, please.
17:07We're facing a far more serious problem than stray arachnids.
17:10Sheldon, it's not that bad.
17:12It's not bad.
17:13It's horrible.
17:14I mean, you hear stories about this sort of thing, but you never think it'll happen to you.
17:18So they steamed your dumplings.
17:20Get over it.
17:23New topic, please.
17:24All right.
17:25Penny, let me take this opportunity to point out that you are looking particularly ravishing today.
17:33That was a thousand condoms, Howard.
17:38So there is a number.
17:42Okay, new topic, please.
17:44Hey, did you hear the people upstairs in 5A are moving out?
17:47What?
17:49The people upstairs are moving out.
17:51No!
17:53The horror.
17:56Why would you just say something like that?
17:58No, no, no, no, no.
18:02How else was I supposed to say it?
18:04Slowly.
18:05Like putting a new fish in a tank, you don't just drop it in.
18:09Let the bag sit in the water a while.
18:13The horror.
18:15Sheldon, I'm sure it's going to be fine.
18:17No, it's not going to be fine.
18:19Change is never fine.
18:20They say it is, but it's not.
18:23Okay, honey, did you even know the people that are moving out?
18:26I never met them.
18:27That's what made them perfect.
18:30There are no awkward hellos in the halls.
18:32There's no clickety-clacking of high-heeled shoes on hardwood floors.
18:36They may as well have been a family of cats just jumping around from drape to drape.
18:41Without that annoying ammonia urine smell.
18:45Well, I'm sure the new people will be just as quiet.
18:48You can't know that.
18:49How can you possibly know that?
18:51You're right, I can't.
18:52You know what?
18:53Anyone can rent that apartment now.
18:54An opera singer.
18:56The cast of Stomp.
18:59Yeah, a tap-dancing pirate with a wooden leg.
19:04Why are you making it worse?
19:06I tried making it better.
19:07He wouldn't go for it.
19:10You're right.
19:11That's a great idea.
19:12What?
19:13I'll take the apartment upstairs.
19:14I can finally get away from my mother and we can all spend some more time together.
19:19If you catch my drift.
19:21The horror.