PG Podcast With Roxanne & Buck 7-11-19
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FunTranscript
00:00So, Buck, I have not flat ironed my hair today.
00:03I've just thrown, you saw me throw the makeup on here as you're setting up the cameras, so thanks for that.
00:09I didn't do mine either, so it works out.
00:13I'm not even trying to look presentable because I give up because I am pregnant.
00:19So I'm just trying to survive.
00:21You're pregnant again.
00:22Yes, I'm pregnant again.
00:23Breaking news right here.
00:25Wow.
00:27Wow.
00:27Yes, so baby is due sometime in December.
00:31Now, wait, wait, am I the first to know this secret?
00:35This is the worst kept secret.
00:39You're the one of the first, and you're a good secret keeper.
00:42Yes, you are.
00:43Wow.
00:43So I am, yes, been muddling along, and it's been entirely a different experience from the first daughter that I had, a little girl.
00:52Little girl's on the way, so two daughters now.
00:54Two daughters.
00:55Yes, and so, and when you tell me about Jackson, I think to myself sometimes, because I really wanted a boy, but I think to myself, like, I don't know if I have the energy to take care of a boy and chase him around to the park and run around in the heat.
01:05We do enough of that with a girl, and so I can only imagine, I know you're on the run all the time.
01:09So, anyways, yeah, that's what's going on.
01:11Wow, congratulations.
01:13Wow, when this video goes out, I think people are going to, there's going to be a lot of comments.
01:17Yeah.
01:17So, congrats on it.
01:18Yeah, that's, hopefully, yes, yes.
01:21So, it's...
01:22So, a little girl.
01:23Let me ask you, do you still have all your stuff?
01:25Yes.
01:26Mm-hmm.
01:26Oh.
01:26And the reason I do is because we have, in my sister's family, she's got two girls, one of them's younger, so I was just saving everything to pass along to her.
01:34Perfect.
01:35So, we knew we could just kind of plug and play.
01:38Yeah, wow.
01:39So, Doug was really excited because, oh, this is going to be less expensive.
01:42We have everything we could possibly need.
01:43We already have a girl.
01:44We know how to do this.
01:45But the issue is, I'm like, Doug, weddings, girls are just more expensive in general, especially they like to buy stuff.
01:53You're going to save money.
01:55Initially.
01:56But now you have two daycares.
01:58What's the age gap going to be?
02:00Two and a half years.
02:00Two and a half years.
02:01Mm-hmm.
02:02Wow.
02:02So, it will be, I think it's a good age range, and my daughter knows about it, of course, and she's very, she comes up yesterday, she came up, and she still has her pacifier.
02:12And so, one of the 10 things we need to break up before this one comes along.
02:15And so, she took her pacifier, and she put it in my belly button, and she goes, oh, the baby's name is going to be Daviana.
02:20Daviana, beautiful.
02:21D-A-V-I-A-N-N-A, because we're so Italian in our family.
02:26No, we're not Italian at all.
02:27No, not at all.
02:28I love it.
02:28I didn't want to ask.
02:29I was like, oh, maybe you are.
02:30Daviana.
02:30Daviana.
02:32Wow, congrats.
02:34So, she comes up and puts her pacifier in my belly.
02:38It's like, here's for Daviana.
02:39She pats my belly.
02:41She already talks to herself here in her crib when she's going down for her naps and say, no, Daviana, don't touch that.
02:48That's hot.
02:48Because I've told her, you're going to have to be mama's helper.
02:50You've got to help me with this new baby.
02:52So, I think it is going to be a really good age difference.
02:55Yeah.
02:55Wow.
02:56Now, I've got to ask you, I've been keeping the secret, obviously, for a while, and it was an entirely different experience than Evelyn Jade, because I told everybody at work.
03:06I had to tell everybody even before I got pregnant.
03:08Right.
03:09It's a long story, as I've mentioned to you before.
03:11But with this one, I've kept it so quiet, and it's kind of been stressful because it's ironic to me that the normal protocol in society is to keep things to yourself for that first three months.
03:23Right.
03:23When in actuality, that's when you feel your worst.
03:26That's when you're so tired, you don't want to talk to people.
03:29You, you know, I was, I didn't have morning sickness.
03:31You're, oh, emotional.
03:33You have morning sickness, but not even just in the morning.
03:35It can be all day.
03:36Mine was all more in the afternoon.
03:38And it just is a stressful, stressful time.
03:40And you're nervous.
03:41You're nervous with all the testing that you're getting done.
03:43When you look at the statistics of how many miscarriages happen for people from my age, for people in those first three months, every day is like, I mean, I walked out of this building sometimes.
03:53Sometimes with TMI, but issues that I'm like, okay, well, I think I'm having a miscarriage.
03:57That was fun while it lasted.
03:58So you're going through all this, and you can't tell anybody.
04:01We didn't tell anybody except our immediate family.
04:03So it's just kind of interesting.
04:06Totally different experience than the first time around.
04:08How long did you guys wait to tell people?
04:11We waited, I don't know what the right amount of time is, but it's what they recommend.
04:15Right.
04:16I can't remember at this point.
04:17It's been so many years.
04:18But we had to wait.
04:20And part of it was, you know, if you tell people right off the bat and then it doesn't work out, you may be able to get over it, but the pity party, and it's kind of a pity party.
04:31You just don't want to hear it.
04:32You just want to be done if it didn't work out like you thought, and you don't want to drag people along with you emotionally.
04:40I get that.
04:41You said however long they recommend.
04:44The doctor.
04:44But the doctors don't really recommend that.
04:46It truly is a societal thing.
04:48As a society, we've been like, well, let's not say anything until we get past this more precarious position based on statistics, which I understand.
04:56You just made some great points.
04:57You don't want to have to say you've told everybody.
04:59You don't want to have to reel all that information back in and say, hey, oh, by the way, now this happened.
05:03At the same time, I still think you need to tell a certain layer of friends because if something does happen, you're going to be sad.
05:09And then you have no outlet for that sadness unless you want to – then you have to tell people then, oh, I was pregnant and it didn't.
05:16So it's kind of weird.
05:17Yeah, I think telling your close circle of friends is great, but a Facebook post, no, not until it's you know for sure we're good to go.
05:26And it's fun, too, once you know the gender and you're starting to get a little belly.
05:32And so I found that I can just stand up really straight and put my shoulders out wider.
05:37And maybe I'm fooling myself, but I feel like it's not as noticeable.
05:41No.
05:41But I'm going to have to – you notice it now, Buck.
05:44Now I do.
05:45Now it's all coming together, the baggy shirts.
05:48Uh-huh.
05:49The jackets all the time in the summer.
05:51Yeah, jackets when it's hot.
05:52Like, okay, now I see what's going on.
05:57That's what's been going on.
05:58Wow.
05:59So this led me to my next thought, and we can get into this today.
06:02And just a reminder, where are you in your birth order?
06:06What do you mean?
06:07Brothers and sisters.
06:08Oh, okay.
06:09I've got a sister.
06:10Right.
06:10That is eight years younger than me.
06:13Eight years younger.
06:14Okay.
06:14And I've got something to say about that.
06:17It's a long time.
06:19It's a long time.
06:20It's a big gap.
06:21I mean, by the time I was 18, she was 10 years old.
06:25Especially when you're a kid.
06:26It's a huge gap.
06:27I'm moving out of the house when she's 10.
06:30You're basically like only children for a good chunk of your childhood.
06:33Both of you have been.
06:34There's just a small period when we crossed, you know, and played with each other before
06:38I outgrew it.
06:39I had high school.
06:41You know, so really, it was like I knew this person, but it wasn't my sister.
06:46It was just another person in the house that was born.
06:48I mean, I went on to college and stuff and we really didn't have a relationship because
06:53eight years with no other siblings was just too large of a gap.
06:58And it kind of sucks actually.
07:01And so what about now?
07:02How close are you guys now?
07:03Have you become closer over the years?
07:05No.
07:06Right.
07:07Because I guess a lot of that happens when you're siblings.
07:09We've actually going on five or six years now without speaking.
07:14Really?
07:14Okay.
07:14Yeah.
07:15And it sucks.
07:16Right.
07:16Right.
07:16It does.
07:16And then so is that because some things happened or distance like not being close in general?
07:20A little bit of both.
07:21I don't want to get off the top.
07:22Sorry to get, yeah, yeah, sorry to get.
07:23Yeah.
07:23So, yeah, now you're a psychologist.
07:25Tell me what's going on here.
07:26It's not bad.
07:27It was a little bit of both, but I think it all happened.
07:30It all stemmed from not having that close, close relationship that your two daughters are
07:36going to have.
07:36Sure.
07:36Being so close.
07:37And you have the childhood memories.
07:39So here's what stinks about you and your sister that because I think the beauty of having a
07:44sibling, and this is why we were excited, of course, to find out the news because it's
07:50a wonderful gift for my daughter.
07:52I mean, there are times, especially going through this, that Doug and I kind of seesawed
07:57because when we first found out, he was the one who's like, how are we going to do this?
08:01And I was really happy.
08:02And then as it progressed and it became harder and harder on my body and I'm like feeling
08:07terrible, then I'm like, oh my gosh, this is really difficult.
08:11Now we're both kind of in a better place.
08:13He's super happy.
08:14But the big thing is, and I reminded him from the beginning, I was like, this is going to
08:19be a wonderful, wonderful gift for our daughter.
08:23This is the best thing that we can do for her because whatever burdens we offer as whatever
08:28situation she's growing up in our household, for good or for bad, there's nobody in the
08:32world who's going to understand those except her sister.
08:34Her sister will understand.
08:36I mean, we will be older parents when they're, I didn't want to do the math, but when they're
08:40growing up and they're in their thirties and forties, they're going to have older parents
08:43and for good or for bad, that might be something that is stressful to them.
08:47And they will have somebody else to talk to about that.
08:51And that's each other.
08:52And they'll understand what it's like to have Doug and Roxanne as their parents.
08:56That's great.
08:57That's a great way to put it.
08:58And I agree.
08:59The dysfunction that's there or the good stuff that's there.
09:02When I asked my parents about it, why eight years?
09:06Yeah.
09:06Yeah.
09:06So you did ask them.
09:07Okay.
09:08Oh, I asked.
09:09So you got...
09:10They were like, ah, the second one was a mistake.
09:13Actually, the first one was a mistake also.
09:16So you guys are welcome.
09:19So...
09:20I'm like, oh, thanks mom and dad.
09:22They're like, we're only together because of you two.
09:25Quite the matchmakers you are.
09:27But at eight years old, what were your feelings...
09:29Do you remember when your parents told you that they were going to have...
09:31I remember they sent me to a friend's house, one of their friends, to sleep on the couch.
09:37And they would take me to school for a week.
09:41And it was great.
09:42It was one of my friends too.
09:44Like they had numerous siblings.
09:46For me, it was like, oh, I get to go stay with them for a week.
09:49I didn't really know.
09:50And I came home and there was this baby.
09:53This is the worst part though.
09:56I was a straight A student or whatever letters, E's, whatever we went by.
10:00But as soon as my sister was born, boom, I was like failing all my classes.
10:06Really?
10:06All that attention that I had for my mom and dad was gone.
10:10Yeah.
10:11So it is better when you get used to it earlier.
10:12They said I started lashing out.
10:14I started being bad.
10:16You know, so...
10:17Right.
10:17I had to work on that.
10:18Wow.
10:19That's interesting.
10:20You don't think about the things that can happen when it happens at that sort of, you know,
10:24your formative years, critical point in your life.
10:26Now, if you'd been a little bit older, you would have had more of your own interests.
10:29But eight years old is that time when you want mom and dad still to be a big part of your life.
10:33You're right.
10:34And you're bringing home actual like homework, like hard math homework that you need help with.
10:40Yes.
10:40And I had no help.
10:42You were taking calculus at eight years old.
10:43That's so impressive.
10:44I feel like it was.
10:45No wonder you failed it.
10:46I feel like it was.
10:47It might as well been.
10:47Multiplication, probably.
10:50It's division.
10:50Long division.
10:53So, so I feel like, okay, my sister, she is four years younger than me, almost exactly.
11:01And I don't remember my mom telling me, but my mom always tells me this story.
11:04I was three and a half years old and she came home and said, she took me to lunch.
11:08We had a lady's lunch and she told me that I was going to have a little sister.
11:12And she says that I said, well, mom, aren't I enough?
11:15And I don't remember this conversation, but thinking to myself as a three and a half year
11:20old, and I know kind of how my brain worked.
11:22Cause I always thought I was an adult and I feel like I was not super excited about it
11:27because I was also, I was content being alone.
11:31I didn't need a lot of people.
11:32I didn't need a lot of noise.
11:33I was into reading and doing my own creative space.
11:37And so I could see me not being super excited about it, but it happened at such a young age
11:42that just became part of my life.
11:43Right.
11:44Having a sister and we were at the age group where she was, I was, you know, when she was
11:50in sixth grade, I was in ninth grade.
11:51We were never in school together after elementary school.
11:55And so we didn't have a lot of the same friends.
11:58Right.
11:58And we also, she was like a tattletale and I was the bossy big sister or the annoying,
12:03whatever, whatever big sister.
12:04So we had some bickering stages.
12:06We were together all the time.
12:07We loved each other, but had some bickering stages.
12:08But I'll tell you what, as soon as I went away to college, we became best friends and have
12:12been ever since.
12:13And I talked to her every day.
12:14And again, there's nobody else that understands our lives like we do because we had the same
12:19upbringing.
12:20So, so it took, it took until you guys basically hit the same level to become really true friends.
12:27We were, I mean, we were always sisters who loved each other and looked out for each other,
12:30but it wasn't until we were, you know, I mean, I just have so many great memories taking trips
12:35and doing fun stuff with her.
12:36But when it, when it brought, when you think about the social networks, I'm, I'm in ninth
12:41grade thinking I'm cool.
12:42She's my little sister who's going to tell on me for doing whatever that it was always
12:46in.
12:46There was always like aggravation, but we still loved each other through it all.
12:50Right.
12:50And then, and then flip the switch when we, once I left.
12:53Yeah.
12:53I mean, a lot of people don't get that.
12:55Right.
12:55That's great.
12:56And so I think with my own daughter, she won't notice the difference because she won't even
13:01remember, like, when do you start having memories really when you're three years old
13:03at the earliest, so she won't know the difference, but she already is so excited about it.
13:09And she is a people person.
13:10She, when I'm in the house and I want to ask you with, with Jackson, if you ever feel this
13:14way, when we have great bonding time, but she's so much happier when there was a third
13:18person there.
13:19Oh, the more, the merrier she, that's how she is a little show off.
13:23If somebody comes over or a friend or grandpa's over, Oh, time to go get the costumes on and
13:30wear funky hats.
13:32It's a party.
13:33Yeah.
13:33When, when cousins walk through the door, when her two cousins, she is like giddy.
13:37She's screaming.
13:38She's having a great time.
13:39So I think some kids, they want more playmates.
13:41They welcome more playmates.
13:43So.
13:43And it's a break for us.
13:45Oh, go play with your sibling.
13:47Let mommy and daddy watch some TV or take a nap on the couch.
13:50Everybody says it's really hard in the beginning, but it gets, it will be easier in the long run.
13:55Yeah.
13:55So not trying to talk you into it, Buck.
13:58I'm going home and I'm telling my wife, I want a baby.
14:01So birth order, going back to you're the oldest, but I think you have some only child qualities because of that eight year span.
14:12Would you agree?
14:12I agree.
14:13Okay.
14:13It is amazing to me.
14:15I grew up experiencing birth order.
14:18I mean, just observe, not experiencing, observing it and thinking, yeah, there's something to this.
14:22Older siblings have certain characteristics.
14:24Younger siblings have certain characteristics.
14:26I think the younger are usually like to be the center of attention.
14:29Yeah.
14:29So that'd be hard for you, especially if you were like that only child and then the younger comes along, like you said.
14:34And then older is a little bit more responsible.
14:37They carry the weight of the world on their shoulders.
14:38They worry more.
14:39The protector.
14:40The protector.
14:41Yes.
14:41And so I realize these forces are at work even more so than we could ever imagine because of me, because of the mom carrying the baby, because I realize my feelings about this new child already completely different than my first child.
15:00In what way?
15:01Okay.
15:02Okay.
15:04Well, first of all, every single thing that happened in the first pregnancy, the pressure, the immense amount of pressure that I felt.
15:12Oh, my gosh, Roxanne, did you just eat a piece of soft cheese?
15:15You know, a doctor's appointment.
15:17I was nervous at every single doctor's appointment.
15:20And not to say you don't have those nerves now, but it definitely feels more relaxed.
15:26It was different.
15:26Yes.
15:27More on edge the first time.
15:29Yes.
15:29Also, you didn't really know.
15:32Now you kind of know stuff.
15:34Now I've been through it before, so I know what to expect.
15:36That's true.
15:37But even times this pregnancy when I felt like there were things to worry about, I just said, this isn't in my hands.
15:44You know, this is in God's hands.
15:46Whatever's going to happen is going to happen.
15:47And then with the first child, oh, no, no, no.
15:50This is going to happen.
15:52This has to work, you know.
15:53So it just is a different mentality.
15:56And even I can picture when she arrives, I mean, I've been through this before.
16:01I know what to expect.
16:02I'm not going to freak out over every little thing.
16:04I know even what kind of help to ask for from other people.
16:08I didn't know anything.
16:09I mean, nothing.
16:10I've got all her clothes picked out.
16:11I've got everything organized from A to Z.
16:13So your first child is so precious to you because it's the first, obviously.
16:19But your second child is almost a gift because it's like, all right, now we can relax and have a little fun.
16:23We can have fun.
16:24So I can see how the second child would have that whimsical, free-spirited, yes.
16:28Your house is already ready.
16:30It's ready.
16:31Probably still baby-proof.
16:32Your husband is also prepared.
16:35Yes.
16:35Like you are.
16:36You've already got, you know, dressers and clothing and toys.
16:40I'm sure there's so many toys.
16:43Yes.
16:43We're building a playroom or decorating a playroom right now.
16:47No, he was the one.
16:48Like I said, I kind of wanted a boy because I wanted my daughter to retain her princess status because she's the queen of the house.
16:55But with him, or excuse me, when he found out it was a girl, he was ecstatic.
16:59That's what he wanted.
17:00He was, yeah.
17:01So it's going to be fine.
17:03So anyways.
17:04Congrats again.
17:04This is amazing.
17:06And so the story's breaking right here.
17:08And a lot of your coworkers are going to see this.
17:12And this is how they're going to find out.
17:14Right.
17:14Interesting way to break the news.
17:16You know, yes, it is.
17:17But I've tried to, that's why I say it's a worst-kept secret because I have everybody here at work, so many of my friends.
17:21And I don't want them to find out, like, online.
17:24I want to go tell them.
17:26So I've been chatting.
17:26So I've got to go, before this is live online, I've got to go tell a bunch more people.
17:30You better hurry.
17:31I'm going to put this on the web.
17:33Come with me.
17:33Okay.
17:34Okay.
17:34Okay.