Dave & Chuck the Freak ask male listeners to call-in and share the most embarrassing thing they have had to ask another man to do for them.
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00:00What is the most embarrassing thing you've had to ask another man to do for you?
00:10Let's start with Ryan, who's with us in Garden City.
00:13Ryan, most embarrassing thing you've had to ask another man to do for you?
00:17Hi, guys.
00:18Long time listener, first time caller.
00:20I appreciate you taking my call.
00:22So it wasn't something that I asked.
00:25It was actually, I was at a festival.
00:27I was about 16 years old, and I had an old man approach me.
00:30He was in a wheelchair, and he asked me to help him into the port-a-potty so he could go to the bathroom.
00:34And then he asked me to stand in there with him while he went until he was done so I could help him back up off the toilet.
00:40Oh, man.
00:40Oh, goodness.
00:42You know what?
00:42I'm not going to stand in here while you do it.
00:44You just give me a yell.
00:46Just taller when you're ready, man.
00:47Yeah.
00:48Let me know.
00:48I'm standing in a port-a-potty.
00:50There's no space.
00:51Oh, man.
00:52So where did you look?
00:53Do you just look at the ceiling?
00:54Like, how horrible is that?
00:56That's something I feel like.
00:57No, I just stood and faced the door and just waited for him to tell me he was done.
01:03That's above and beyond.
01:04That is probably taking advantage of a minor there.
01:09But let's...
01:09Charlie.
01:10I'm just saying.
01:11I think we didn't ask him to touch it or anything.
01:13Just because he's in a wheelchair doesn't mean he's not a perv.
01:17Sometimes the perv is in the wheelchair.
01:19Hi.
01:20My legs are not working.
01:22Can you go in the bathroom with me?
01:24You just stay here with me.
01:27Yikes.
01:28Sorry, dude.
01:29Therapy.
01:30It's too bad.
01:30Therapy.
01:31Thanks for calling in.
01:32Next guy is Adam.
01:34Adam, most embarrassing thing you've had to ask another man to do for you?
01:38I had to ask another man to scratch my back for me.
01:41It was that crazy?
01:43You get a corner of a wall, man.
01:46Oh, my God.
01:47What?
01:48I know how it sounds.
01:50I know.
01:52You do?
01:52I was in the...
01:53This is when I was in the Marines.
01:54We were in the field doing training.
01:55Marines?
01:57Yes, yes, yes, yes.
01:58And I noticed, like, about the second day in, in the morning, I had an itch in the middle
02:03of my back that I could not reach.
02:05And I didn't know, like, when I had my pack on, it felt okay.
02:09But when I had it off, it just, it's really bad.
02:12So I tried getting to it.
02:13I just could not get to it.
02:14And I had someone scratch it.
02:16And when the person scratched it, it was just a shooting pain.
02:20And what it turns out is there was a massive tick that was burrowed into my back.
02:24Oh.
02:25Oh, man.
02:26And next thing I know, we're using, we heated up on some field scissors, because apparently
02:32you're supposed to kill the head, you know?
02:34But, yeah, it started out with asking another man to scratch my back, because I had a really
02:39bad itch I couldn't reach.
02:40Oh, man.
02:41Yeah, that's tough.
02:42That is tough.
02:42I don't know if I'd ever ask another man to itch my back for me.
02:45I couldn't.
02:46No.
02:46I don't think I could.
02:47Yeah, like, you find a rock.
02:49You find a, you lay down on the ground.
02:51You just take that move, man, where I'm just like, find a brick.
02:54Find a brick wall.
02:55Go outside and hit a tree up.
02:56Yeah.
02:57Because I feel like a scratching of my back is a very, it's like a sensual, borderline
03:05sensual thing.
03:07Like, I feel like it's a sign of love, you know?
03:11So, for a man to gently scratch my back, like, if I went over Dave, you know, I've always
03:17done stuff to bother Dave.
03:18Yeah, a lot.
03:19Every day.
03:19But if I, I don't think I've ever just started scratching your back.
03:23No, because that's a raspy.
03:24That's what I, that's what I call HR.
03:26That's what I call HR.
03:30He's in for it.
03:31Like, I'm going to do that one day.
03:33I got to let it rest for a while.
03:35No, but then I just, like a, a gentle scratch of a man's back.
03:40How did Chuck get a pen in his aorta?
03:43Gentle.
03:43Yeah.
03:44I'm just saying.
03:45Look out.
03:46I mean, it's, buddy got hit by a car at work.
03:48Someone drove over his pelvis.
03:50I go running over.
03:52He's pulling his pants off saying, is everything still there, man?
03:57That's terrible.
04:02Yeah, I don't want to.
04:07I don't want to be the pelvis checker guy.
04:10Let me check.
04:11Chuck, I don't know.
04:12I can't tell if it's there or not, man.
04:13I can tell.
04:16It's there.
04:18That sucks.
04:19Yeah, it's not good.
04:20You don't want to have to think that you may have lost your genitals.
04:23No, and I don't want to be, like, first guy on the scene,
04:27and that's when I have to patch up.
04:29Right.
04:30It'd be tough.
04:31Man, I got to put a tourniquet around Dave's.
04:35Tie it off.
04:36Email came in.
04:37I'd do it.
04:37Buddy broke his collarbone while skiing.
04:40Had to ask a stranger to wipe his ass for him because I wouldn't do it for him.
04:44Believe it or not, a stranger did it.
04:46What?
04:47I'm not.
04:48Okay.
04:48What?
04:49If I'm not scratching your back or reaching into your pockets, I am not wiping your ass.
04:54Where'd you find a stranger to do that?
04:55Oh, hi.
04:57Hey, man.
04:58How does that even?
04:59I need a little help, right?
05:00Oh, you're just the guy I'm looking for.
05:02I need someone to wipe my ass.
05:04Go ahead.
05:05I'll really get it.
05:07Oh, is it?
05:08What are you putting lotion on it for?
05:10Oh, my God.
05:10What's the lotion on?
05:11Oh, my God.
05:13You're a great big fat person.
05:17Wow.
05:17You have a real gentle touch.
05:19Come on.
05:20Yeah.
05:21No, I don't enjoy that.
05:23Never in a million years.
05:25I never.
05:25I can't.
05:26I understand.
05:27Like, we have, you know, our parents get older and stuff like that.
05:31Like, this is...
05:32I can't do that for anyone in my life.
05:35I can't either.
05:36I could barely do it for my own kids.
05:39Maybe, like, a wife of, like, 50 years.
05:42I can't.
05:43I could.
05:44Yeah.
05:45I could.
05:45Yeah.
05:46I mean, yes.
05:47Not ideal.
05:48Right.
05:49No.
05:50I'm bold-faced.
05:51There's no way I would.
05:52But, boy, would I find a great nurse.
05:55I mean, I hope I never have to wipe anyone else's ass again after my kids.
05:58Plus, if I lose use of my arms, and I got to go out one day, I'm just going to figure
06:03it out.
06:04Like, I'm going to, like, poop before or something.
06:07I hope so.
06:08You know, I'm going to be pre-wiped.
06:10Yeah, thank you.
06:11Andrew was in a similar situation.
06:14Andrew's joining us from Windsor, Ontario.
06:16Hi, Andrew.
06:16What happened?
06:18Hey.
06:19So, I was in university, and I was working, like, I had to lift a bunch of stuff, and I
06:24ended up seizing my back, and I couldn't walk very good.
06:28I couldn't, like, do really anything, and I was living in a dorm with my roommate, and
06:35I went and took a dump, and I went to turn and grabbed some toilet paper to finish up
06:42there, but my back just seized again, and it started, like, just twitching and everything,
06:46and I ended up falling off of the toilet there.
06:49Oh, no.
06:50No.
06:51Help me!
06:53Help!
06:55I had to call my buddy, and he wasn't home, so he had to come home, and he's like, yo, what's
07:01up, and I was like, come here!
07:04Oh, my God.
07:05He had to, one, help my naked body off the ground, and two, help me wipe.
07:13Oh, no, dude.
07:14You're so vulnerable.
07:15I'm not doing that.
07:16No.
07:17Like, I've called you an ambulance.
07:20Yeah.
07:21It's going to be a costly butt wipe for you.
07:24Sure will.
07:24There are, like, yeah, there are, like, terrible, oh, go ahead.
07:28But, at the end, I took out a $5 bill and put it in his shorts there for him.
07:34That's not enough.
07:35It's not enough.
07:36It's not enough.
07:36It's not enough.
07:36I pulled you off the floor and wiped your man ass.
07:39That is, five bucks does not cover it, you cheap bastard.
07:43Right.
07:43There are things, like, in life that, like, bring men together, and they have, like,
07:47a shared experience that there's a bond created, you can't believe, like war, championship
07:54sports teams, having to pick your roommate's naked body off the bathroom.
08:01You've gone through something.
08:02Oh, yeah.
08:02I mean, I'm.
08:03You've gone through something.
08:03Like, you're, you're, you're special now.
08:08I'd be like, I'm, I'll do it for $10,000.
08:13Or I'll call you an ambulance.
08:15That's your choice.
08:16That's your choice.
08:16The ambulance would be cheaper.
08:18Yeah.
08:18Oh, my God.
08:18We'll call you an ambulance then.
08:20Oh, I'm not, I can't.
08:22I'm not wiping you.
08:22Yeah, we'll get you back up there, maybe.
08:24Get your pants back up, maybe.
08:27Grown-up stuff back there is just so much worse than anything.
08:32Poop?
08:33Yeah.
08:34God, Chuck.
08:35I can't.
08:35I mean, I just can't.
08:36I know.