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00:00Good evening, everybody.
00:03Welcome to Whose Line Is It Anyway?
00:05At tonight's show, this is the first fish I ever caught.
00:07Wayne Brady.
00:08I got this one down in Mexico.
00:10Kathy Greenwood.
00:11I got this one up in Canada.
00:12Colin Mochrie.
00:14And hey, wave your hand in front of this one who sings and tells jokes.
00:17Ryan Stiles!
00:19I'm Drew Carey, your host.
00:20Come on now, let's have some fun.
00:27Hello.
00:27Hello.
00:29Hello.
00:29Good evening, and welcome to Whose Line Is It Anyway?
00:32The show where everything's made up and the points don't matter.
00:34That's right.
00:34The points are just like Twinkies light.
00:37It does not mean a thing.
00:39If you've never saw the show before, it happens to these guys are going to make up everything
00:41you see right in front of you, and then we give them these stupid points that don't mean
00:44anything, and then we pick a fake winner at the end, and the winner gets a little something
00:47special with me.
00:51The loser gets Happy Meal, and I am not talking about McDonald's.
00:54So let's get the show started with a game called Weird Newscasters.
00:59This is for all four of you.
01:01Colin is the anchor.
01:04Colin, you're the anchor of a news show.
01:06Kathy, you're the co-anchor.
01:08You're Colin's nagging, overbearing wife.
01:12Wayne, you're doing the sports.
01:13Yes, you are the munchkins from The Wizard of Oz.
01:17And Ryan is the weatherman, and Ryan's going to show us why he's known around the station
01:21as Mr. Sexual Harassment.
01:29Man, where do we get these ideas?
01:31So whenever you hear the music, Colin, take it away.
01:37Welcome to the 6 o'clock news.
01:39I'm your anchor, Horst, you rode in on.
01:43Our top story tonight.
01:48Disaster struck a ceiling fan convention tonight when the scheduled entertainment,
01:53Dr. Linguini and his trampolining sheep hit the floor.
01:57According to one eyewitness, everything was fine until one extremely high bounce,
02:01and then the sheep hit the fan.
02:02And now over to my lovely, lovely co-anchor, Sarah Bellum.
02:13Sarah.
02:14Why should I tell you anything?
02:16You don't listen to a word I say anyway.
02:19Well, dear, I...
02:20Why should you just do what I ask you to do?
02:22Light bulbs aren't fixed.
02:23The lawn is growing up weeds.
02:26Gee, don't look at me that way.
02:30Oh, that passive-aggressive...
02:33Oh, don't I feel sorry for me that got me to marry you,
02:37and what a loser I was to do it.
02:39Well, thank you for that enlightening story.
02:42Thank you for nothing, buddy.
02:44Thank you, thank you.
02:45And now over to sports with Abdullah Oblongata.
02:55Well, it's time for the sports today.
02:58It was incredible.
03:02The baseball game was going on as scheduled
03:05when all of a sudden,
03:07a big house came and killed the pitcher.
03:17Oh, ee, oh.
03:19It was 3-0.
03:21Oh, ee, oh.
03:22The score was 3-0.
03:24Oh, ee, oh.
03:28Thank you, big guys.
03:33Thank you, Abdullah.
03:34This just in, helium prices up.
03:38Well, at least something is.
03:44Well, now it's time for the weather.
03:46Let's go see what's happening this week
03:48in the weather with Libido.
03:52Lee, weather.
03:54Oh, I'm sorry.
03:56Well, let's take a look at the weather.
03:58As you can see,
04:02we've got a huge cold front
04:04coming up from the south
04:05and two little cold fronts
04:07on the east, dude.
04:11Things are going to get
04:14really, really hot.
04:15And we've got two cold fronts
04:17moving in from the west here.
04:19The center's being the tropical
04:20for the right here.
04:21So later on in the week,
04:24things are going to get
04:25a little wet,
04:26really moist,
04:27if you know what I'm saying.
04:34Back to you.
04:36Don't talk to me that way.
04:37I'm sorry.
04:38Do something about it.
04:39I will as soon as I...
04:40A little weak,
04:41little looser.
04:42You're pathetic.
04:43An embarrassment.
04:44Oops, chop my pointer.
04:45Oh, yeah.
04:49Well, that's all for the news.
04:50We have joined us tomorrow
04:51for the 60 o'clock news.
04:53Good night.
05:01That was great.
05:03I want to give you guys
05:04time-life points for that.
05:06That's right.
05:06One point a month
05:07for the rest of your stinking life.
05:09That's great.
05:10Now let's go on
05:10to a game called
05:11Song Styles
05:12for Wayne
05:12with Laura Hall
05:13and Linda Taylor.
05:14Laura Hall and Linda Taylor.
05:24She's looking around like,
05:25I wonder where Drew went.
05:26Oh.
05:27What's your name?
05:28Maureen.
05:29Maureen, what do you do
05:29for a living with Maureen?
05:30I work for a teen magazine.
05:31You work for a teen magazine?
05:32Which one?
05:33Teen Style.
05:34Oh, she's a writer
05:35for Teen Style.
05:36Come on down here, Maureen.
05:39Are you a contributing editor
05:40or something?
05:41I'm the editor.
05:42You're the editor of Teen Style?
05:44Oh, my God.
05:44Come on, say that.
05:45Maureen.
05:47How do you see it?
05:51Teen Style.
05:52I can't believe it.
05:53Maureen's the editor
05:54of Teen Style.
05:54How do I look, baby?
05:56Come on.
05:57Come on, tell me, huh?
05:59You're going to...
06:00Man, if you can't hit
06:02this one out of the park,
06:03I don't know.
06:03You're going to sing
06:04a song to Maureen,
06:05who is the editor
06:06of Teen Style magazine,
06:07as Sisko.
06:12Wow.
06:13Okay.
06:14Well, in case you don't know,
06:15famous for the thong song,
06:17so take it away.
06:18Of course.
06:18Yeah.
06:26What's up, Maureen?
06:29How you doing, baby?
06:31Maureen, Maureen, Maureen.
06:32Now, look at that girl
06:35right there.
06:36Look at her sitting
06:37in that chair.
06:38Do you want to stand?
06:39Do you watch me glare?
06:40I like you.
06:41Do you want to stand
06:42just once in a while?
06:43The editor of that Teen Style
06:45because I want to get
06:46just really close to you.
06:48She's got pen and paper
06:49put on the pad.
06:50Oh, my goodness.
06:51Don't get mad.
06:52What do you want?
06:53So what can I do?
06:54Come on, I want to get up to you.
06:55Say, yeah, yeah, yeah.
06:57Uh, uh, uh, Maureen.
07:02Now, Maureen, do you see
07:03that I do that?
07:04Because you realize
07:05I like the brass.
07:06Can you tell me something?
07:07What do you think?
07:07Can you introduce me to
07:09and say, oh, yeah.
07:12Her name is Maureen.
07:14Maureen, Maureen, Maureen.
07:16Maureen, every time
07:17that I sing this song,
07:18got a shirt.
07:19Do you wear a thong?
07:20Maureen.
07:21Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
07:23Maureen, Maureen, Maureen.
07:25Maureen.
07:25Uh, I'll see you later, girl,
07:28when you put me in your magazine.
07:29Know what I'm saying?
07:30Cisco the Dragon.
07:31Look at that.
07:38Thank you, Maureen.
07:40Thank you very much.
07:43Thanks.
07:43Thank you very much.
07:44All right.
07:56Hey, thanks for points
07:57for putting the stool back.
07:59Hoorah!
08:00Hoorah.
08:01Hoorah.
08:02It's got a game now
08:03called Scenes from a Hat.
08:04This is one of my favorite games.
08:05Woo!
08:06It's called for you.
08:07And what we do
08:09before the show,
08:10sometimes we have
08:10the audience write down
08:11suggestions and stuff like that.
08:13And one of the things
08:13we have to write down
08:14is scenes they like to see.
08:15And they're going to try
08:16to act out as many of these
08:17as they can,
08:17starting with
08:18bad things to do
08:20during an earthquake.
08:23Okay.
08:23Time to split that, Adam.
08:25A vasectomy doesn't hurt.
08:36Graffiti found
08:37in the White House restroom.
08:43For a good time,
08:44just try the next door
08:45to the left.
08:48There's nothing
08:49like a Cuban.
08:55You must be
09:00at least this high
09:01to ride the ride.
09:08Rejected names
09:09for bras.
09:12Flat and flappy.
09:16New.
09:17Nip-ups.
09:23Pulley boys.
09:25The new wonder.
09:34Milk duds.
09:40Unfortunate wedding night
09:41confessions.
09:44Or just...
09:45Just use your own
09:46if you have to.
09:51Um.
09:55I'm Drew Carey.
09:56Ah!
09:56Ah!
10:04Okay.
10:06Good luck
10:06with your new show, man.
10:12Inappropriate compliments
10:13to give your mother.
10:17You are looking hot.
10:18Are you wearing a milk duds?
10:29What?
10:38I'm gonna get you all
10:39for this.
10:39What Drew Carey
10:40is thinking right now.
10:44I wish Ryan was
10:45standing on this side
10:45that's a good look
10:46at his ass.
10:51Hey, we'll be right back
10:52from our Who's Line.
10:53Remember this.
10:53Don't go away.
11:02Welcome back
11:03to Who's Line
11:03Is It Anyway?
11:04The show where
11:05everything's made up
11:05but the points don't matter.
11:07Hey, you know,
11:08we found out
11:08during the break
11:09they found water
11:09on Mars.
11:11Isn't that cool?
11:11You know what that means?
11:12Another bottle
11:13of $4 imported water.
11:16Let's go on to a game.
11:17Oh, this is a great game.
11:19I don't think
11:19we've ever done this
11:19on the show before.
11:20This is really good.
11:21It's called
11:21What Are You Trying to Say?
11:23In this game,
11:24in this game,
11:26Ryan and Colin
11:26are gonna be
11:28two easily offended guys
11:29who keep taking offense
11:31at what the other person says.
11:33It's called
11:33What Are You Trying to Say?
11:34The scene is
11:35Colin is being fitted
11:36for a suit
11:37by Ryan.
11:38Take it away
11:41whenever you're ready.
11:42All right.
11:43Let me just get
11:43that last measurement
11:44on your side.
11:45I knew this
11:46for the wedding.
11:47Okay, well, I should...
11:48I need it really quickly.
11:49It could take
11:50about a week to do.
11:51It could take a week?
11:52Mm-hmm.
11:53So,
11:54what are you trying to say?
11:56It's trying to say
11:57that I'm so big,
11:58my bum is so big,
11:59you need to order
12:00to various countries
12:01far away
12:02to get enough material
12:03to make a pair of pants
12:05so I can fit
12:06my incredibly obese
12:07buttocks
12:08into a pair
12:09of your specially made
12:11little suit.
12:13No, I mean,
12:14I'm the only one
12:14working here this week.
12:15Oh, okay.
12:18Oh, that would be great.
12:20You know,
12:20I'm just wondering
12:20about the color.
12:21It seems kind of dark.
12:22I wonder if I could have
12:23a lighter color,
12:23maybe a light blue
12:25or something.
12:27So, what are you saying?
12:29You're saying,
12:30I don't know colors?
12:31I don't know anything
12:31about suits?
12:32What, I just came
12:33off the street?
12:33I was some unemployed guy
12:34begging for money
12:35on the corner
12:36and they threw me in here
12:36to try to fit people?
12:38You don't think
12:38I know anything
12:38about suits?
12:39Oh, no, let's go
12:40with that color.
12:40Is that what you're saying?
12:41You think the dark, then?
12:42No, I think the dark
12:43would be all right.
12:43Well, I'll go with the dark.
12:45I'll think, I...
12:46I'm sorry, I...
12:48Okay, well,
12:48I thought we put
12:49a double-breasted on you
12:50because it would look
12:50nicer, I think.
12:51What are you saying?
13:03Are you saying double-breasted
13:05because I should be wearing
13:06some milk duds or something?
13:12Because I happen to weigh a little more
13:15when I was younger
13:16and then lost some weight
13:17that I'm a little stretchy
13:18in the nipple area
13:18and so that my breasts flap
13:20like two large wind socks
13:23flapping in the wind
13:25even though there's no wind
13:26and I should have something
13:28to keep my breasts in
13:29so they don't burst out
13:30and poke people's eyes out?
13:31Is that what you're trying to say?
13:33I'm just saying
13:35they're on sale this week.
13:36Really?
13:36How much?
13:37How much for today?
13:38$38.99, okay.
13:39Well, I'll have that then.
13:41All right, I'll take that.
13:42So I have the suit,
13:43I have the shoes,
13:44maybe a nice hat,
13:45a nice hat with a...
13:47well, a nice ribbon
13:48or a big handkerchief.
13:49What are you trying to say?
13:51What are you trying to say?
13:52Oh, hey, I'm a guy
13:52who can wear a hat, huh?
13:54Oh, look at the tall freak.
13:55Probably can't fit a hat
13:56on that big, huge,
13:57and now what it is.
13:58Is that what you're saying?
13:59It's going to slip down
14:00over my head
14:00and down my little scrawny neck
14:02onto my shoulders?
14:03And I'll look like
14:03some cartoon character
14:04out of a Warner Brothers?
14:05Is that what you're trying to say?
14:07Yeah, actually,
14:08that's what I was.
14:11Thank you very much.
14:18Man, I laughed so hard
14:19I almost bust out
14:19of my milk duds.
14:22Okay, let's play a game
14:23called Party Quirks.
14:25Party Quirks.
14:27In this game,
14:28Kathy,
14:28you're going to be
14:29hosting a party,
14:30and I want you to come on
14:30down here to your party space.
14:31And Wayne,
14:32Colin,
14:33and Ryan
14:33are going to be the guests,
14:34but we've given each of them
14:34a strange quirk or identity.
14:37And Kathy,
14:37you have to guess
14:37what they are,
14:38of course.
14:39Why don't you guys
14:39line up over there?
14:40I'll bring you in one at a time
14:41with the doorbell.
14:41And Kathy,
14:42whenever you're ready,
14:42start the party.
14:43Oh, I'm coming,
14:43I'm coming.
14:44Kate.
14:44Hey.
14:46Hi!
14:53I'm coming.
15:03Bye.
15:04Bye.
15:05Bye.
15:05Bye.
15:07Bye.
15:08Bye.
15:09Bye.
15:09Bye.
15:10Bye.
15:10Bye.
15:11Bye.
15:11Bye.
15:11Bye.
15:11Ella, his majesty enjoys your two-bedroom apartment.
15:22Excuse me for a minute.
15:23Gosh, you're fun at a party.
15:25Hi.
15:26Hi, how are you?
15:27I'm great.
15:28Come on in.
15:31I'm hungry.
15:33Are you?
15:34Probably got food.
15:37Excellent.
15:38Got some cheese to go with the ham?
15:40Yeah.
15:41You must not let your guests devour the chief.
15:54Do you have anything leaner?
15:59Excuse me for a minute.
16:01Hello, come on in.
16:03Oh, someone's worn the same thing I have.
16:18Well, I'm sorry.
16:19I just, you know, it's the finest form of flattery, isn't it?
16:23Oh, is it?
16:24Is it really?
16:25I thought...
16:26I don't think so.
16:27I put it on some streisand.
16:28Excellent.
16:30A sub.
16:37Whoever that was, do it again.
16:39You're speaking my lingo, big man.
16:50Tum-tum-papa.
16:51Tum-tum-papa to you.
16:53He wishes you to marry him.
16:55Tum-tum-papa booty.
16:56You must perform the ceremony.
16:57Tum-tum-tum-papa booty.
17:00Oh.
17:03Listen, it's great having a...
17:05Whoever that is, never stop.
17:09I'll tell you, it's great having the entire Lion King show here at my party.
17:13No.
17:14Too bad they haven't shown up yet.
17:15Does it look like something from the Lion King?
17:17No, it looks something like from a fashion show, if you were a top supermodel.
17:23Oh, a top woman, a top supermodel, working their way down?
17:26I don't think so.
17:28Well, if you're RuPaul, then, or some...
17:31In our country, they do not wear milk duds.
17:40You should let yours free.
17:41Well, I'm sure you come from some strange island tribe, and I'm glad that you're here
17:51with your chief.
17:55Okay.
17:58Now, I don't know who you are, but you just stay away.
18:02Got any fries?
18:04Okay, you're very hungry.
18:05You're a bit of a pig, and you like eating people's butt.
18:10We'll be right back with more Who's Binders on Anyway, find out who the winner is.
18:17Don't go away.
18:24Hello, welcome back to Who's Binders on Anyway.
18:27Tonight's winner, Kathy Greenwood.
18:28Kathy Greenwood's a winner, and people are stressed out.
18:31We're going to do a little game for you now called the Irish drinking song, and what it
18:34is, is we make up a drinking song, one line at a time, and what we need to do is, we need
18:40for the audience is, who do you want, by applause, who do you want us to sing the song about?
18:44Ryan?
18:47Colin?
18:50Wayne?
18:58So, an Irish drinking song about me, one line at a time, on top of Laura Hall on the piano.
19:02Take it away, Laura, whenever you're ready.
19:04All right.
19:04All right.
19:04All right.
19:04All right.
19:05All right.
19:06All right.
19:07All right.
19:09All right.
19:10I've seen him on network TV.
19:11He's seen him on the streets.
19:13He's always got a great big smile.
19:15He's looking kind of neat.
19:17He has short hair and glasses.
19:19And other things that aren't so short.
19:21He is very kind.
19:23And this I will retort.
19:25Oh, I-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee.
19:29I hear he is a nice guy.
19:31He dresses really well.
19:33The tall guy on his show is funny.
19:35And the black guy's really swell.
19:38But let's not forget his bald friend.
19:40Because he's really good.
19:42Sure he's got lots of money.
19:44You'll never catch him in the hood.
19:46Oh, I-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee.
19:50He's generous to all his friends.
19:52He's got lots of cash.
19:54And if you go over to his place.
19:56He'll kick you in the ash.
19:58He's got a great big TV.
20:00He lets you watch it there.
20:02And then you can watch the big screen.
20:04As a little stare.
20:05Oh, I-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee.
20:09His glasses are kind of funny.
20:11And people think they're fake.
20:13Especially these glasses.
20:15He is quite a rake.
20:17Oh, but he's a very good guy now.
20:19And he has telephatic powers.
20:21And he can fly through the airplane.
20:23He's worn a thong for hours.
20:24Oh, I-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di.
20:28Oh, I-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di.
20:31I-di-di-di.
20:37Oh, boy.
20:44Welcome back to Who's Lines It Anyway?
20:46It's right here on the show with some of the music credits.
20:49And that's the one that's going to be Kathy and Colin.
20:51Kathy Conner, I want you to read the credits.
20:52And Kathy, you are a bad-tempered film star.
20:54And you're complaining to angry director Colin about your co-stars.
20:57So take it away.
20:58And we'll see you next time.
20:58Thanks for watching.
21:00How did you understand?
21:01I'm not working with Mark Levinson.
21:03Look, I'm working with Ryan Stiles.
21:04You think that's easy for me?
21:05Don't you yell at me.
21:07Without me, you've only got Tom Park.
21:09Well, I tell you, I drew Terry.
21:11If I had him, this would be going off at no problem.
21:14Oh, really?
21:14Really?
21:14You want me to walk?
21:15Because I'll take Ray Miller with me.
21:17That's your entire entourage with Eve Mazzaro, everyone.
21:21Fine.
21:21Julie Ryan, come with me, baby.
21:23Oh, I wish you would.
21:24Then everybody can get this.
21:25Mark Matthews, he's in with his.
21:27Redaction off the ground.
21:28I need to quit.