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00:00Piano music
00:30How much is this, please?
00:39Old, this book.
00:40Do you know, I thought it might be. How old do you reckon?
00:43Very old, I shouldn't wonder.
00:44Do you think you could fix the price now, or would you rather wait for the carbon dating test?
00:50Which box did it come from?
00:52The Montana prunes box, on the left.
00:55See, that's the expensive box.
00:57Just my lap.
00:58Yeah. Now, the books in the other box, they're 15p.
01:01Well, I'm in a bit of a hurry. Could we just agree a price on this?
01:03Well, see, he's out.
01:05Who is?
01:05The governor. And it's not marked. He'll be back any minute.
01:09OK, well, I'll leave it for now.
01:10See, with these books, it's all according to what they're worth, what we charge like.
01:15Well, that's an excellent system.
01:17This book, without wishing to be rude, is unremarkable in almost every aspect.
01:21It's a seventh edition of a junk Edwardian novel.
01:24It's not in good nick, and, er, someone has biro'd rude words all over the frontispiece.
01:29That's dreadful.
01:32Vandalism, that is.
01:36What's that mean?
01:38Look, I'd really rather not go into it. Could we just agree a price on this?
01:41Well...
01:42Look, this is ludicrous. This book is worthless.
01:44It would be remaindered by Oxfam.
01:46We're discussing a few pennies.
01:48Could you please come to a decision?
01:50Well, that's all very well.
01:51You see, you might be a sharp dealer, mightn't you, eh?
01:54Yes, but I'm not a dealer.
01:55Well, so you say.
01:56But this book could be worth, say, £1,000.
01:59If I let you have it for 40 pence, you'd be making, er...
02:02Four foot ten is six when you borrow your money.
02:04Yes, before we, er, get into the realms of higher mathematics,
02:07er, it is not worth £1,000, and I'm not a dealer.
02:11Ah.
02:12Well, if you're not a dealer, how do you know how much it's worth?
02:14Well, I know enough to know what it's not worth.
02:16Same difference.
02:18Why are you so keen to have it, then?
02:19I'm not.
02:20I've just decided.
02:20I don't want it.
02:21Goodbye.
02:23Oh, well, that could be a bluff, couldn't it?
02:26What?
02:27Oh, I'm not falling for that one.
02:30What one?
02:31Well, you're pretending you don't want it,
02:32so I offer it to you cheap.
02:34Er, the governor, he, er...
02:36He knows all about antiques and books and so on, does he?
02:38Oh, yeah, of course he does.
02:40Well, it's his line, innit?
02:41Well, then, is it likely he'd dump a volume worth £1,000
02:43in a Montana prunes box outside,
02:45along with 18 geriatric copies of the Reader's Digest
02:49and a Phillips School Atlas?
02:50He could.
02:51He might not have noticed.
02:53He's a very busy man.
02:55Anyway, I know now it must be a good one.
02:58Huh.
02:59Cos just now you was in an hurry,
03:01and now you're sitting down.
03:03I just missed my bus.
03:04I saw it drive away.
03:05I now have nine minutes to negotiate this transaction.
03:08How come?
03:08It's a very reliable service.
03:10Having missed that one, there'll be a nine-minute gap
03:12and then four will come.
03:14This is a nice chair.
03:18Regent, see that chair?
03:19It's Edwardian.
03:20Cork, you're there.
03:21You are a dealer, aren't you, eh?
03:24Yes, well, actually, I'm the keeper of the Queen's antiques,
03:26but now you've blown my cover,
03:28I shall have to go back to spying for the Russians.
03:31You, er...
03:32You don't happen to have a Sheraton cyborg, by any chance, do you?
03:37Hmm?
03:37A Da Vinci cartoon, a Cipara statue?
03:40Aye?
03:40Well, I just wondered.
03:41I mean, if you've got £1,000 books stacked outside
03:43in cardboard boxes in the rain,
03:45at the very least, I expect a Tiepolo ceiling
03:47and a few Rubens inside.
03:50Actually, you've, er...
03:51You've got some good stuff.
03:53Well, of course we have.
03:54It's ain't a junk shop, you know.
03:56Well, it's not Sotheby's, is it?
04:00Of course it's a junk shop.
04:02A very good junk shop.
04:03Nothing wrong with that.
04:05How much are those readers' digests?
04:07Er, £500, £750?
04:09Only my dentist might be interested.
04:11Some of his magazines were printed by Caxton.
04:15Who's Caxton?
04:17Printer.
04:18We dealers have to know our printers.
04:19Is stuff worth a bit, then, is it?
04:23Well, a bit, you know.
04:24He's quite important.
04:25Why is he such an important printer, then?
04:27He invented it.
04:29Get away.
04:30Have you ever wondered whether you're in quite the right job?
04:33How much would a book by him be worth, then?
04:36Well, I don't know.
04:37I found a few hundred thousand, I should think.
04:38Have a rummage through your box.
04:40Might be your lucky day.
04:42I will in a minute.
04:43Please don't.
04:44There is absolutely no chance of there being a Caxton in there.
04:47Why?
04:47Your dentist got them all, then?
04:54Excuse me, Ingrid, how much is this Bentwood chair?
04:59Not marked, is it?
05:00I don't think so.
05:01Only the governor's not here at the moment.
05:02He'll be back any minute.
05:03Oh.
05:04Well, perhaps I'll look in again.
05:06Will any sign of a 159?
05:07No.
05:08There'll be four along in a minute.
05:10Give it here.
05:11Let's have a look.
05:12Oh, it is marked.
05:13It's, uh, £87.
05:15Pardon?
05:17That's the lot number.
05:19What?
05:19That's not the price.
05:21That chair was part of lot 87.
05:23The governor bought it at an auction.
05:25How do you know?
05:25I saw him there.
05:26I was buying on behalf of Princess Margaret.
05:30Er, here we are.
05:31It's £150, snip.
05:33But stay away from the book department.
05:34They're a touch pricey, yeah?
05:35Thanks.
05:36Well, £150, if that's more like it.
05:38Here you are.
05:39Thanks very much, Squire.
05:40Here, you can have this book.
05:44That's uncommonly civil.
05:46Thanks a lot.
05:46It's all right, John.
05:47Governor won't notice.
05:48Call again.
05:51Here's the 159s.
05:52Four of them.
05:53And just three.
05:54Oh, part of the cutbacks, I expect.
05:56Shall we share one?
05:57I'm home.
05:58Hello.
05:59You're late.
05:59Ah, been to this junk shop.
06:13Saw rather a nice chair.
06:14Thought we could go and have a look tomorrow.
06:16Might get some useful stuff for the house.
06:18What do you think?
06:19No, I want to get on with this.
06:21Anyway, I don't want to fill our place up with junk.
06:24No, no, no.
06:24Of course not.
06:25Silly of me.
06:26I mean, we've only got five rooms to furnish, 70 square yards of carpet to get.
06:30We'll pop down to Heels next payday.
06:32Five or six grand should cover it easy.
06:33What are you on about?
06:36What I'm on about, Mrs Shelley, is that on the one hand, I'd quite like a bed, a table
06:40and a few chairs for our new house, and on the other, we have a zero cash flow situation.
06:45This is the old-fashioned lesson called Facing Facts.
06:48I learnt it off Margaret Thatcher.
06:51So, unless you're quite happy to sleep on floorboards, eat off prune boxes and do your
06:56writing standing up, a compromise has to be reached.
06:59What's your book, by the way?
07:01Happy anniversary.
07:02Happy anniversary.
07:02What anniversary?
07:04We met on June the 11th.
07:06Arts faculty ball.
07:07You came as Lucretia Borgia.
07:08I should have taken the hint.
07:11Ah, did we really meet on June the 11th?
07:13Yes, wish we hadn't, but yes, we did.
07:16You came as Marlena Dietrich.
07:18Our good legs in those days.
07:20Is this tender little message your own work?
07:23Yes, no.
07:24Thanks very much.
07:25I love these old novels.
07:27So, what were we talking about?
07:29Furniture for the house.
07:30Well, we've budgeted for a bed and a cheap cooker.
07:32We'll manage.
07:34I just don't understand it.
07:35What?
07:36You're pregnant.
07:37You're supposed to be compulsively nest feathery.
07:40We should be up to our hairlines by now in knick-knacks, pictures, tablecloths, anti-macassers,
07:44crocheted egg cosies, not to mention furniture.
07:48I mean, don't you read female psychology books?
07:50What sort of a shop is it?
07:53Oh, you know, Wilfred Bramble runs it.
07:56Rat-infested, louse-ridden hovel.
07:58I expect you'll like it.
08:00It's a junk shop, but a good junk shop.
08:02Go there tomorrow, have a look, will you?
08:04Okay.
08:05We're going for a drink after supper?
08:07Sure.
08:08Thanks a lot for the book, Marlena.
08:22What sort of cheese is this?
08:25Yellow.
08:25I used to use a patch of this to repair punctures.
08:32Bread tastes like loft insulation.
08:34I've never tasted loft insulation.
08:36It's like this, only with more flavour.
08:39Why is it square?
08:41It's a cheese slice.
08:42But it's in a round roll.
08:44Are you going to make it in shapes?
08:46At least get it right.
08:47Nothing right with that.
08:49It's like an impotent floor tile.
08:52Look, Shelley, it's a piece of plastic cheese.
08:54It's all they've got, you're still hungry, end of story.
08:57What's the beer like?
08:59Excellent.
09:00Well, shut up and drink it.
09:01I'm not up to one of your lectures
09:03on the declining standards in the quality of life.
09:22Did you see that?
09:23Hmm?
09:23How can I nick my cheese roll?
09:26Well, you didn't want it, did you?
09:31It's hardly the point, is it?
09:32You don't go around nicking people's half-eaten cheese rolls.
09:36Well, what do you want me to do about it?
09:38Dial 999?
09:40You're in a right old mood tonight, aren't you?
09:42Look, Shelley, you didn't want it.
09:44He obviously does.
09:45Now you've lost it, and he's got it.
09:47Sounds like the ideal arrangement to me.
09:49Positively Marxist.
09:50Is this characteristic of the understanding and support
09:53you'll be offering me in our married life?
09:55Look, it's hardly a personal tragedy, is it?
09:57Losing half a lousy cheese roll.
09:59When it's your turn to change its nappies
10:02and it's three in the morning
10:03and you've got flu and you turn appealingly to me,
10:05I shall remember this moment.
10:08Cheese roll, I shall say, and go back to sleep.
10:10Ah, excuse me.
10:17Sorry to trouble you.
10:19There appears to be a slight misunderstanding
10:21with regard to this partially consumed comestible.
10:25I see.
10:26No, I don't wish to appear unduly materialistic
10:29or proprietorial,
10:30but having shelled out 22p for it,
10:33I find it has great sentimental value.
10:34Please accept this remnant of a cheese roll
10:38with my compliments.
10:39I'm glad it's found a good home.
10:41I'll leave you a drop of my beer as well.
10:45Bunter.
10:47Percy Bish, eh?
10:49Ha!
10:50Billy bloody Bunter.
10:53God, rock my socks.
10:55After all these years,
10:56you haven't changed a bit.
10:57Neither have you.
10:58I remember the loft insulation
11:00and the floor tile sandwiches from 1968.
11:03Well, how are the mighty fallen?
11:04Reduced to nicking cheese rolls
11:06in low pothouses.
11:07And you a dinner monitor.
11:09You're not wearing the old school tie,
11:10don't you, Percy?
11:11Well, it's out the tailors.
11:12I'm having it taken in.
11:13Times have been hard.
11:14Yes.
11:15Dame Rumor did inform you
11:16you were a social security scrounger.
11:18A spineless little work shy.
11:20It's all true, I hope.
11:21Well, that's no longer.
11:23How about you?
11:23Captain of industry yet?
11:25Oh, more Alliance Corporal.
11:26Selling insurance.
11:27Look, Percy,
11:28before we abandon ourselves
11:30to an orgy of nostalgia,
11:31I want a favour.
11:33Well, as long as it isn't
11:33borrowing money or the wife,
11:35you got it.
11:35A bed for the night?
11:36Sure.
11:37Terrific.
11:38Did you say wife?
11:40Imminent.
11:41Then I thought you'd hold out
11:42longer than Prince Charles.
11:44Yeah.
11:47He gets more money
11:48out of the state
11:49than I did, too.
11:51Come on,
11:51come and meet Lucretia.
11:55I'll make Paul
11:56from school.
11:57Oh, another one.
11:58Oh, another one.
12:01Sir?
12:02Why do you need
12:03somewhere to stay, then?
12:05Don't ask.
12:06One thing I don't want to know,
12:08Paul,
12:08is why you need
12:09somewhere to stay.
12:09Coffee?
12:10Yeah, thanks.
12:11Well, sit down.
12:11There's no extra charge.
12:13So, how'd you find me, then?
12:14Well, I got your address
12:15off Clive
12:15and when I rang the bell,
12:16Mrs, um...
12:17Hawkins.
12:18Yeah, she said you were
12:18in the pub.
12:19We didn't tell her
12:20we were in the pub.
12:21Mrs Hawkins knows
12:22our every move.
12:23I'll go and ask
12:24about borrowing the Z bed.
12:25She's probably
12:25got it out ready.
12:26So,
12:29old Percy
12:31holding down a good job
12:32and about to get married, eh?
12:33That's right.
12:34Getting lots of
12:34nice wedding presents?
12:35She's looking good.
12:36Some nice cooking stuff
12:37on the way.
12:38Fran good at cooking?
12:39Definitely progressing.
12:40She's working on toast
12:41at the moment.
12:42Three variations.
12:43Burnt,
12:44burnt on both sides
12:45and flambeck.
12:47No, she's not good
12:48but, uh, fair dues,
12:49she is getting worse.
12:51Pansy being best man?
12:53Pardon?
12:54Good.
12:54Thank God that's settled.
12:56About a month's time
12:57in Shropshire.
12:57Only I was let down,
12:58you see.
12:58Hey, do me a favour.
12:59Look, uh...
13:00Listen,
13:01we're a bit short
13:01of the Reddy's
13:02at the moment
13:02and we've got to
13:03furnish this new house.
13:04Well, I've seen
13:04this terrific junk shop
13:05but Fran's prejudiced about it.
13:07Back me up, eh?
13:07Come on.
13:08Old is beautiful.
13:09Yeah, of course.
13:09Look, about the best man...
13:10Hey, if you can go with her,
13:11I'm into the shop tomorrow,
13:12could you?
13:12I expect so.
13:13Look, Percy, I don't...
13:13Here we are.
13:15Hello, Mrs H.
13:16Hello.
13:17Oh, you should have asked us.
13:18We'd have carried it up.
13:20Paul, this is, uh,
13:20Mrs Hawkins.
13:21Mrs Hawkins, Paul,
13:22our best man.
13:23Oh.
13:24Oh, are you?
13:25That's nice.
13:26Oh, well, actually, I...
13:27Oh, thanks a lot, Paul.
13:28That's terrific.
13:29We were let down, you see.
13:30Oh, that's smashing.
13:32Oh, well.
13:34Delighted to be of service.
13:37Well, come on, Fran.
13:37Mrs H has been here 15 seconds.
13:39Make some tea.
13:41Sarky article.
13:42I can't stop anyway.
13:43I've got tripe on.
13:44Ta-ra.
13:45Pleased to meet you.
13:46Yeah, bye.
13:46Thanks for the bed.
13:47I don't mention it.
13:50Uh, where's the loo?
13:52Oh, uh, turn right up the stairs.
13:53Oh, cheers.
13:54Oh, you pull it once,
13:55quickly,
13:56and three times slowly.
14:03Why does he need somewhere to stay?
14:05It'll be to do with a woman,
14:06or women.
14:07Paul is a bit of a plonker.
14:08What's a plonker?
14:15Don't ask.
14:17One thing I don't want to know
14:18is what a plonker is.
14:25Here he is now.
14:27Oh, it's you, sir.
14:29That explains it.
14:30Explains what?
14:31No, only the governor thought it was odd,
14:32selling all that stuff in one go.
14:34But I see it now.
14:35You're in business together, are you?
14:36We're getting married.
14:38Oh, that wasn't your husband you was with, then?
14:41No.
14:41A friend.
14:42Our best man.
14:43Uh, selling all what in one go?
14:45It's out there, girl.
14:46You were right, Shelley.
14:47It's terrific.
14:48I'm so glad you found this place.
14:49Oh, good.
14:50Right, well, um,
14:52I'll have a look, then, shall I?
14:53So, what we bought, then?
14:58All of it.
14:59Everything, like.
15:04All of it?
15:05Yeah.
15:08Shall we?
15:09All of it?
15:24That's right, gov.
15:26How about the mangle?
15:27That's right.
15:27Everything.
15:29Jolly good.
15:30That'll come in handy.
15:31Um, how much is, uh, all this worth?
15:34Ah, well, you see, I'm not sure about that.
15:36See, um...
15:37The governor's out just now.
15:38He'll be back in a minute.
15:40That's right.
15:40I've been on the blow, I like.
15:41You'll get a lot off, buying in bulk,
15:43and with your trade discount, sir.
15:45Yeah, well, uh,
15:47well, we'll just wait for the governor, then.
15:48How are we going to pay for it all?
16:08Well, there's our savings.
16:10That's towards the mortgage payments.
16:12We'll manage.
16:13And I asked Dad.
16:15You did what?
16:16He'll lend us 300.
16:17Fran, your dad gave us 5,000 pounds for the house.
16:21It's only a loan.
16:22He was quite keen.
16:23A loan?
16:24We've borrowed off every member of the human race.
16:26I owe more money than I can punch up on a calculator.
16:30I mean, all right, I know I wanted enough furniture to get by on,
16:32but we could set up a jumble hypermarket with all that stuff.
16:35We need it all, Shelley.
16:37Oh, yeah?
16:38What about that chair with a potty in the seat?
16:41What about those six pictures of long-haired Scottish cows?
16:47Well, they were thrown in.
16:48They should have been thrown away.
16:51It'll be like living in a room full of horned doogles.
16:56Nine ashtrays, and we don't even smoke.
16:58Our friends do.
16:59Name one.
17:00Ned.
17:00He's in Australia.
17:01Nigel.
17:02Oh, great.
17:03Hello, Nigel.
17:04Fancy a smoke?
17:04Here's nine ashtrays.
17:05You're not mentioning the good stuff.
17:08The chair you wanted, that nice table.
17:10Oh, lovely table.
17:11Be very useful when we have 30 people to dinner.
17:14It's not that big.
17:16When you push the leaves in.
17:19What cases we need.
17:20I mean, there's everything there.
17:21Carpets, that desk.
17:22Have you unrolled that white carpet?
17:24Yes, why?
17:25It's like a polo mint.
17:28It's good stuff, Shelley.
17:30It was your idea.
17:31We've got everything we need in one go.
17:33And interesting stuff.
17:34And cheap.
17:36All we've got to get now is a bed.
17:38Pardon?
17:40All we've got to get now is a bed.
17:43We haven't got a bed.
17:45No.
17:46But we bought two bedroom suites.
17:48Yeah, but only the bed heads come with them.
17:52We've spent all our money, and we've nowhere to lay our heads.
17:55We'll manage.
17:56Oh, sure we will.
17:57We'll stretch out in a wardrobe.
17:59Cuddle up in a commode.
17:59I dare say the long-haired Scottish cows are warm and comfy.
18:05Very sarky, Shelley.
18:07We've spent all our money and more, and we haven't got a bed.
18:11We've got trouser presses.
18:12We've got dressing tables.
18:14The complete works of Walter Scott.
18:16Half a gross of wardrobes and no bloody beds.
18:19I don't believe it.
18:20It's quite simple.
18:20I don't believe it.
18:22I mean, there must be a bed amongst all that, by the law of averages.
18:25There's got to be a law that says that if you buy 14 megatons of random junk,
18:28there'll be 2.6 beds amongst it.
18:31There isn't.
18:32Stop making such a fuss.
18:33We'll pick up a bed easy enough.
18:34Oh, sure we will.
18:35Pop into Slumberland.
18:36Walk out with one under your coat.
18:39Well, use my one from home.
18:41Fran, your home's in Shropshire.
18:42We're in London.
18:43What shall we do?
18:44Phone up into bed?
18:46Look, I'm getting bored with you.
18:48We'll have to hire a van when we move.
18:49Well, pop up and pick it up then.
18:51What we've got to do now is arrange storage in London.
18:54There's here.
18:55Mrs H's.
18:56Your place.
18:57Uh, maybe even Nigel.
18:59Yes, okay, okay, okay.
19:00Do you want some tea?
19:01Yeah.
19:03I mean, you like the stuff, don't you?
19:05You suggested it.
19:06Oh, sure, stuff will be fine.
19:07It'll be nice living in the Victoria and Albert Museum.
19:10I just didn't realise we were going in for it in quite such a big way.
19:14Paul thought it was super.
19:17Did he?
19:17Yeah.
19:19I wasn't so keen, I'll admit, at first.
19:21But you liked it and Paul went on and on about how good it was.
19:24You'd think the only place to buy things was junk shops.
19:26He did his nut over it.
19:29Shelley, is he really reliable?
19:31Best man-wise?
19:32I mean, he won't let us down.
19:34Oh, no, no.
19:35I'd say, if anything, he was too reliable.
19:38How can he be too reliable?
19:39Well, I'm just beginning to find out.
19:41Hello, Ma.
19:45Been busted yet?
19:48I'm fine.
19:49Look, how would you like to move in with us for a few weeks?
19:54Well, because there won't be much room in your flat
19:57with all the furniture we're going to dump on you.
20:00Yes, of course, I'll explain.
20:01Now, we bought all our furniture in one fell swoop.
20:04Oh, it's terrific.
20:06English furniture since 1890.
20:09A permanent exhibition.
20:11Well, there's original oak trouser presses, for instance.
20:14I'll have the sharpest creased jeans in Christendom.
20:16And I have many happy evenings of Walter Scott to look forward to,
20:20curled up on the Edwardian commode.
20:23The lot, Ma.
20:25Everything bar a bed.
20:27Yes, well, that's what I said.
20:29Only, apparently, Highland cattle and cast-iron fish kettles
20:33are more important than beds.
20:35Oh, by the way, you're not short of a flat iron, are you?
20:37Because if you are, now's your chance.
20:40Oh, well, that's great, Ma.
20:41Sometime tomorrow, if that's all right.
20:44Fine.
20:45Thanks a lot.
20:46Yeah.
20:46Well, I'll see you then.
20:47Bye.
20:47Oh, it's you, is it?
20:59Mrs. H.
21:01Yeah?
21:02Lovely frock.
21:03Eh?
21:05Not where there's the housework.
21:07Well, it looks terrific.
21:08You can't beat heliotrope nylon.
21:11What are you after?
21:14Well, since you asked, Fran and I, we're moving to this house.
21:17I know that.
21:18Yes, yes, of course you do.
21:19Well, the thing is, we've bought, you know,
21:21a few odd bits of furniture and so on,
21:23and we've got to store them somewhere,
21:25and we wondered, for a few weeks, we wondered...
21:27What you bought, then?
21:28Oh, nothing very much, just a few odd...
21:32We bought a house full of vast Victorian Edwardian
21:34and early 20th century furniture,
21:36plus pictures, knick-knacks, the lot.
21:39You haven't really bought all that.
21:41Well, we did manage to leave them ankle.
21:44What have you bought?
21:45Ah, well, er, a bedroom suite with washstand.
21:49A bedroom suite?
21:51Or two, actually.
21:52Have you gone mad?
21:54I think it's not unlikely, to be frank.
21:56You see, Fran tends to be one thing
21:57or very definitely the other.
21:59I mean, yesterday it was cardboard boxes
22:01and a baby belling.
22:02Today it's Balmoral.
22:05Well, what are you going to do with two bedroom suites?
22:08Er, put them in the bedrooms.
22:09I mean, until you get into the house, stupid.
22:13There's no room in there for bedroom suites.
22:16No, no, no, no.
22:16Well, perhaps you could take a chair or two?
22:18Well?
22:19Or the sofa, perhaps a couple of carpets?
22:21Well?
22:22A hall stand, perhaps.
22:23Er, the garden chairs, even.
22:25What are you moving into?
22:26Buckingham Palace?
22:27Between you and me, Mrs H,
22:29I think we'll be moving into a junk shop.
22:31No, you see, it's all my fault.
22:32I saw this rather nice chair and, er,
22:34and a bookcase.
22:35Oh, yes, there's three bookcases as well.
22:38Three?
22:39Yeah, I wouldn't mind,
22:40only they are complete with books.
22:42No, you see, Fran wasn't too interested at first
22:44and, er, I encouraged her,
22:45got Paul to encourage her.
22:46She went down there and bought the lot.
22:48I think it's partly because she's expecting.
22:51Oh, yeah.
22:53Eh?
22:53I'm just hoping she gets a funny craving
22:55and eats it all.
22:56See?
23:08Nothing to it.
23:10Piece of cake.
23:16I hope you realise what we're doing for you.
23:18Go upstairs.
23:19We can hardly move.
23:21Oh, my God!
23:22Right.
23:24We're very grateful, Mrs H.
23:25If it's any consolation, Mrs H.,
23:27my mum and Nigel are in the same boat.
23:30Fancy Nigel giving up smoking.
23:32And we bought him all those ashtrays.
23:35Thank God Paul's not staying again tonight.
23:37We haven't got an inch.
23:39Paul's staying again tonight.
23:40Oh, no.
23:41Why is he staying with you, then?
23:43Because he's a plonker.
23:45What's a plonker?
23:46One thing you don't want to know, Mrs H.,
23:48is what a plonker is.
23:50What a plonker is.
23:50APPLAUSE