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00:00Satsang with Mooji
00:30Hello.
00:43Hello, love. How are you?
00:45Good.
00:47No, no, I'm just, uh, working on the kitchen.
00:50Yes, yes, nearly finished.
00:52Just a few bits and pieces.
00:54I'll finish it tonight.
00:57Well, I'm just going to put up two new, um...
00:59Well, never mind. It'll be a surprise.
01:02How's Emma? Active, is she?
01:04Well, if you've been drinking, I expect she's sleeping it off.
01:08No, no, no, I'm not. I'm working on the kitchen. I told you.
01:12No-one's coming round and I'm not going out.
01:16Yeah, OK.
01:18Yeah, bye. I'll see you soon.
01:24Now, then.
01:29Fanta.
01:37What's your purse?
01:39Well, don't keep me standing out here in the cold.
01:43Oh, nice place.
01:46Yeah.
01:47Good news for me.
01:48What brings you?
01:49Well, come on through. Sit down.
01:51I want to explain something.
01:52OK, OK. Take it easy.
01:53Want you to do a little something for me.
01:55Yeah?
01:55Doing a bit of decorating?
01:56Yes, I'm going to put up two new...
01:58You're looking well. How's Fran? You a father yet?
02:00No.
02:00But it's going to be a girl.
02:01This really is a nice place.
02:03Got any coffee? Biscuit, perhaps.
02:05Hadn't had a chance to eat.
02:06Yeah, sure. Relax, Paul.
02:07All right.
02:08Look, um...
02:09What it is, it's quite simple.
02:11How do you know it's going to be a girl?
02:13They did a test. They can tell.
02:14Emma.
02:15Oh, get away.
02:17Page reliving. Blimey.
02:19Makes you think.
02:21OK.
02:22If they ask, you don't know where I am
02:24and you haven't seen me since, er...
02:26since the wedding, OK?
02:27That's all, but it is important.
02:28If you ask.
02:29Well, er...
02:30The police.
02:32The police?
02:33Yeah.
02:34I know.
02:35They're after me.
02:36I've just got to have time to sort things out.
02:38It's like Jimmy Cagney in that film.
02:40I know, it's a biggie,
02:42but I ain't done nothing wrong.
02:44See?
02:44And I just want to sort a couple of things out, OK?
02:48Why should the police ask me?
02:50Well, I'll come to that in a minute.
02:51But don't tell them!
02:52OK, I won't.
02:53You sure now?
02:54Of course I'm sure.
02:55Good.
02:56Good.
02:59Well, er...
03:00What exactly is going to happen in here, then?
03:02Well, I'm just going to put up two new, er...
03:04Oh, my God.
03:06They're here already.
03:08Er, I now have to lie to a policeman.
03:10Remember that essay I did for you on William and Mary?
03:13That was 16 years ago.
03:15Well, I'm calling it in.
03:16It's easy, purse.
03:17You just don't know where I am,
03:19and you haven't seen me.
03:20Yes, but they are at the door now.
03:21I know they are!
03:22We've got the best police force in the world,
03:24worse luck.
03:25Look, I'm hiding in that cupboard.
03:26Good luck.
03:26Sir James Shelling?
03:41Yes.
03:42Sorry to trouble you, sir.
03:43I wonder if I might have a word with you.
03:45It is important.
03:46Er, come on in, constable.
03:48Sergeant, sir.
03:49You can always tell by the little stripes on the arm.
03:55Er, come on in, sir, sir.
03:58Um, er, sit down.
04:01Thank you, sir.
04:02Doing a bit of decorating, then, sir?
04:08I can see you're destined for the detective branch, Sergeant.
04:12Uh-huh.
04:15Ah, yes, yes.
04:16Very good.
04:16Fair enough.
04:17Hmm.
04:18Was a pretty silly remark.
04:19Hmm.
04:21This is your house, sir?
04:22Er, no.
04:23Oh.
04:24It belongs to the Worcester and Morven Building Society.
04:28Assets exceed 30 million.
04:29No, they let me live here while I pay them lots of money every month.
04:32Uh-huh.
04:33Hmm.
04:34But you are the mortgagee, so to speak.
04:37Oh, yes.
04:37Been here long?
04:38A few weeks.
04:39Hmm.
04:41Er, coffee.
04:42Would be very nice, sir.
04:50Yes.
04:52Something very unusual about you, sir.
04:55Really?
04:56What, sir?
04:57You haven't asked me why I'm here.
04:59No, no, well, to be perfectly frank, Sergeant, I think I know why you're here.
05:03Hmm.
05:04I thought you might, sir.
05:05Yes, it's about the library book, isn't it?
05:10What?
05:11Well, I, er, ignored the final reminder, so I've half been expecting the tap on the door for some time.
05:17I'll come to the point, sir.
05:18Do you know a Mr. Paul England?
05:25Um.
05:25Not a difficult question, sir.
05:28Yes, I know a Paul England.
05:30Do you know of his whereabouts, sir?
05:32No idea, no.
05:32Not at all.
05:33Can't help you there, I'm afraid.
05:34No, I haven't a clue.
05:35Absolutely no idea.
05:36Yes, I think I'll catch your drift.
05:41Have you, er, seen him lately, sir?
05:44No, no, I haven't.
05:45No.
05:46Um.
05:48Sugar?
05:50What exactly are you doing in here, sir?
05:53Oh, well, I'm just going to put up, um, two new, um...
05:56Oh, just, er, two, shall we speak?
05:59Oh.
06:02Strange you should lose touch, er, so soon with your best man.
06:07Wouldn't you say so, sir?
06:08I mean, with the wedding, er, being only a few weeks away.
06:12Well, er...
06:13I mean, obviously, you're very good friends, very close friends.
06:15Oh, we are, yes, don't deny it, no, very good.
06:19Often helped each other out, er, over the years, I dare say.
06:22Oh, yes, indeed.
06:23He, er, once wrote my William and Mary essay for me.
06:28William and Mary?
06:30Yes, they were, um, they were, er...
06:32Well, I don't exactly know what they were.
06:34That's why Paul wrote the essay.
06:37Yes, Paul reminded me of that only...
06:39only the last time we met, yes.
06:42At the wedding?
06:43Absolutely, just before we stepped up at the altar.
06:46It's a curious conversation to have at the time like that.
06:50Biscuit?
06:50What sort of?
06:52No, it's chocolate home wheat.
06:54Chocolate?
06:56Oh, yes, er, most kind.
06:57Thanks, sir.
07:03Did you read about that George Hastings chap, er, the other day, by any chance, sir?
07:09A chap who got three years for withholding evidence?
07:13Er, I don't think so, no.
07:14Oh, it seems very hard to me, though, sir.
07:16Or was it, er, obstructing a police officer in the course of his duty?
07:21I'll forget now.
07:23Oh, it's a dreadful business.
07:25Being banged up, three to a cell, slopping out, nothing to relieve the tedium except the odd roof, protest and hunger strike.
07:31Just to shield a heartless villain.
07:33Just to shield a heartless villain, I don't know.
07:36That would seem worth it to me.
07:38Not even for William and Mary.
07:40Oh, now you've spilt that, sir.
07:43Er, what is it, er, I mean, why do you want to see Paul?
07:50Do you know what that is, sir?
07:53It's an envelope.
07:55Oh.
07:56Quite the little Max Bygraves, aren't you, Mr. Smith?
08:00Library books destined for the detective branch.
08:03Can you make out what's written on the envelope?
08:05Er, James Shelley, 14 Causeway Road, London SW6.
08:10Be properly addressed, postcode it.
08:13Mr. England proffered that as identification on the night in question.
08:19What night in question?
08:21When this sub-tabuse was detected and we asked him to accompany us to the station, he said,
08:27I am saying nothing until I see my accountant.
08:32This is still a free country, notwithstanding the strictures of Tory rule.
08:37He had difficulty with the word notwithstanding.
08:41But what had he done?
08:43He left the spread eagle in Hammersmith in an inebriated state, carrying a bag which he passed to a gentleman in a motor car.
08:51In the process of this simple operation, he became involved in an unfortunate altercation with a passer-by.
08:58It was this, coupled with his drunken state, that attracted my attention.
09:02He came to the station, having admitted his true identity, sobered up quickly, and was allowed home without being charged.
09:11Well, it doesn't seem very serious matter.
09:13By a remarkable coincidence, we later discovered the contents of the bag he had been carrying to be two and a half kilos of cannabis resin.
09:26Subsequent assiduous attempts to locate Mr. England have all met with failure.
09:33I am Sergeant Brunton of the Fulham Police.
09:41If I do not hear from you by tomorrow morning, I shall assume that you do not know of his whereabouts, or that you are shielding him.
09:49In the meantime, I ask you to wait carefully.
09:52On the one side, two and a half kilos of an illegal drug, and on the other, one essay on William and Mary.
10:00Good night, sir.
10:17Now, I hope you won't think me impertinent, but I wonder if you could give me some rough idea of what the hell is going on.
10:23I'll do my best. I'll tell you something else as well.
10:26What?
10:27You've got a touch of dry rot under these stairs.
10:30Oh, my God.
10:46Massive biscuits, boys.
10:47Never mind the bloody biscuits.
10:51OK, so you got the bag in Liverpool off this Lucy girl.
10:54That's right.
10:55She asked you to give it to this Monty character.
10:57Well, who is this Lucy?
10:59professional lady
11:01professional what
11:05you don't mean
11:09oh my god
11:10what was your part in this scheme of things
11:13well you know
11:14you weren't living off the earnings of
11:21of course not
11:22we're just good friends
11:24you lead me into a twilight world
11:27of which I know nothing Paul
11:28well why can't you just go to the police and tell them
11:31well I mean I like Lucy
11:33I like her a lot
11:34oh of course silly of me I mean at all costs
11:37we must shield the identity of a dope peddling
11:39harlot I can quite see that
11:41well the point is extraordinary
11:43I mean look at me
11:45here I am I've got a nice little house
11:47in the heart of the Laura Ashley belt
11:49I'm about to sand my floorboards
11:51put up paper lampshades
11:52I'm an expectant father an ordinary
11:55respectable god fearing whole meal bread
11:57eating sort of chap and suddenly I'm perjuring myself
12:00all over the shop
12:01to shield the identity of a drug network
12:03presided over by a vice queen
12:05while wanted criminals hide under my stairs
12:08and munch my chocolate digestives
12:10let him who is without sin cast the first stone
12:15me me I'll cast it
12:18never sold dope of my body to anyone anywhere
12:21first because I'd be too scared to
12:23and second because nobody wanted it
12:25and I am not about to exacerbate the overpopulation in our prisons
12:30in order to preserve the liberty of luscious Lucy model please walk up
12:34there's no question of prison
12:36what about that Hastings guy
12:38three years Branton said he got
12:40he just said that to frighten you
12:41well he succeeded
12:42that was a serious case
12:45and the guy only got two years anyway
12:47oh terrific
12:49two years
12:49how unreasonable of me to object
12:51so
12:52by the time I get out
12:53Emma will be walking around
12:54talking fluently
12:55pointing at me and saying
12:56who is this Burke
12:57what do you mean serious case
13:00two and a half kilos of cannabis resin
13:03that's just petty crime is it
13:04ranks with scrumping apples
13:06and cycling on the footpath does it
13:07look purse
13:08will you stop calling me purse
13:10this is no little thing Paul
13:12you're a suspected dope pusher
13:14we're talking about the clang of top security heavy metal here
13:17have you ever been in prison
13:19of course not
13:20it's not all Ronnie Barker and mailbags you know
13:22I know that
13:25packed in three to a cell
13:26I mean you encounter practices
13:28oh I'm sure it's rife
13:30slopping out
13:30bred and margin itchy suits
13:32hey why involve me
13:35I'm ordinary Paul
13:37you know I lead a straightforward little life
13:39number of mafia contacts I have
13:41is definitely on the small side
13:43offhand I don't know anyone
13:44who'd assassinate that copper for instance
13:46my dress book does not bulge
13:48with bent briefs
13:49or 24 hour a day
13:50while you wait passport forges
13:52all I wanted to do was
13:54was stay in and put up two new
13:56oh my god
13:57look purse
14:00Shelly
14:00all it is
14:02I didn't know what was in that bag
14:03maybe Lucy didn't that's all
14:05yeah well maybe she did
14:06well okay
14:07I just want to tip her off before I shop her
14:09that's all
14:10unfortunately so far
14:12assiduous attempts to locate her
14:13have met with failure
14:14well
14:16that shop on the corner
14:19what time does it close
14:20about half seven
14:21why
14:22you don't fancy popping out
14:23and getting some proper
14:24nosh and a few beers
14:25before they close
14:25why can't you go
14:27well they're probably
14:28watching the place
14:29what
14:30well it's drugs
14:32innit
14:32I mean old Brunton
14:34probably reckons he's
14:34onto an Operation Julie
14:36here and a quick shunt
14:36up to Inspector
14:37and if I'm spotted
14:40we're both in it
14:41I'm not serious
14:42you think about it
14:43all right
14:45what do you want
14:46pie
14:47some cheese
14:47tomatoes
14:48and fruit
14:49you know
14:49oh
14:49and I'm partial to Arctic Roll
14:51if they've got any
14:52very nice with hot custard
14:53I just remembered something
14:58what
14:59I only got six miners
15:00could do better
15:01for William and Mary
15:02anyway
15:03oh very nice
15:22hang on a sec
15:27hello
15:34yeah
15:35oh actually Fran
15:37erm
15:37this isn't Cuddlebucket
15:39well Cuddlebucket's
15:42gone to the shop
15:43this is Paul
15:44how are you
15:44eh
15:45no no no
15:46he wasn't expecting me
15:47I just popped round
15:48yeah he was doing
15:50the kitchen
15:50yeah
15:50matter of fact
15:52I'm giving him a hand
15:53oh
15:55I don't think he'll have it
15:57finished the night Fran
15:57he said he would
15:59oh yeah
16:01well er
16:02actually
16:03now you come to mention it
16:04it does look nearly finished
16:05oh
16:07yeah
16:08apparently
16:08he's gonna put up
16:09two new er
16:10oh sorry
16:13could you repeat that
16:14the police have been round
16:17asking for me
16:18my word
16:19did you tell them
16:21well
16:21no
16:22no of course
16:23you didn't know
16:24oh listen
16:26that was a much more serious case
16:28Fran
16:28and he only got two years
16:31no don't tell him I'm here
16:34cos Purse
16:34Shelley told them I'm not
16:36so we both get banged up
16:37in the itchy suits
16:38it's not all Ronnie Barker
16:40and mailbags you know
16:41well it's to do with drugs
16:45I wish I'd just beaten up an old lady
16:48I'd just get a suspended sentence for that
16:51I could die inside
16:54look really
16:56look I had no idea
16:57what was in the bag Fran
16:58truly
16:59look
17:01I'll get
17:02Cuddlebucket to phone you back
17:04okay
17:04oh congratulations on Emma
17:07yeah
17:07okay
17:08bye Fran
17:10I suppose that's an improvement
17:26by and large
17:26oh
17:32you er
17:34you just missed Fran
17:36really
17:37everything alright
17:38oh yeah
17:39yeah
17:39she just wanted to say
17:41that the er
17:42Shropshire Constabulary
17:43have been inquiring after me
17:44bloody hell
17:45well it's drugs see
17:47they're keen on drugs
17:48it's amazing
17:49I thought all the drug squad coppers
17:50had been put in prison
17:51along with the porno boys
17:52yeah
17:52no that was in the old days
17:55there's far less corruption
17:56in the Met now
17:57I mean David McNeese
17:58hardly got two bent coppers
17:59to rub together
18:00now I'll say something
18:01to you Paul
18:02you got nerve
18:03I mean if three police forces
18:04were after me
18:05I'd be absolutely
18:06yeah I'd rather think I am
18:08where is it
18:08it's upstairs
18:09oh the seat's a bit iffy
18:11so take the weight
18:11on your left foot
18:32what's happened here then
18:34hello
18:41oh well he's just um
18:43he's busy just now
18:44who's calling
18:45oh
18:47um look Lucy
18:49before
18:49before you go any further
18:51I think I should warn you
18:52there's every likelihood
18:53that William Whitelaw
18:54and half the Metropolitan
18:55Police are listening
18:56into this line
18:56they found the bag
19:01Lucy
19:02need I say more
19:03the bag
19:05with the stuff in it
19:06no it didn't have
19:08marital aids in it
19:09talking about the one
19:12a mutual friend of ours
19:14brought down from
19:14yeah well
19:16let's just call him Bunter
19:17the old biller after him
19:18exactly
19:20Lily Law
19:20in hot pursuit
19:21on account of the contents
19:22of that bag
19:23are you sure
19:25that's what you put in it
19:26two rubber suits
19:29eight whips
19:30and a pair of what
19:30what do you use those for
19:35actually I don't think
19:38I want to know
19:38all I want to do tonight
19:39is redecorate my kitchen
19:40what
19:42well I'm going to put up
19:43two new
19:44never mind my kitchen
19:46Lucy what was
19:48actually in the bag
19:50was
19:51was what you stick
19:53model aeroplanes with
19:54no not that
19:56I know you can use
19:58polystyrene cement
19:59oh your son uses it
20:02your son
20:04how old are you
20:05what does he do
20:07when you're
20:07when you're at work
20:09Lucy
20:09sticks his model aeroplanes
20:12yeah
20:12look Lucy
20:14I really don't want to
20:14talk about this
20:15on the phone
20:15so if we could meet
20:16no I don't want that Lucy
20:19now I'm sure
20:20I'd have a very nice time
20:21no no no
20:23that sounds
20:24a very competitive
20:25rate to me
20:25all right Lucy
20:28anyone listening by now
20:29knows anyway
20:30the bag was stuffed
20:31full of cannabis resin
20:32the police forces
20:34of Shropshire
20:34Merseyside
20:35and London
20:36are after bunter
20:36and it is vital
20:38that you talk to him
20:39huh
20:39hello
20:40that Fran purse
20:44Shelly
20:45no it was Lucy
20:46apparently she can be
20:48dominant for only
20:4830% search on
20:50and no VAT
20:51she leave a number
20:52no
20:53I told her about the dope
20:54and it was vital
20:55she contact you
20:56you told her the old
20:56bill was after me
20:57of course
20:58oh good
20:58everything will be okay now
21:00what do you mean
21:00she hung up
21:01well she'll have her
21:02reasons don't worry
21:03he can rely on old loose
21:05everything will now
21:06be put right
21:07I'm very glad to hear it
21:09right
21:09let's get on with
21:10your kitchen eh
21:10what
21:11well we've got to
21:12finish it tonight
21:13according to Fran
21:13and I reckon I owe you
21:15a bit more than
21:16six miners could do better
21:17hey something I just
21:22realised
21:22what
21:22well
21:24I hadn't seen you
21:26since the wedding
21:27and I don't know
21:28your present address
21:29eh
21:29so if you hadn't
21:30come round
21:31I wouldn't have
21:31lied to the police
21:32you wouldn't have
21:33had to hide here
21:34I wouldn't have
21:34been able to put
21:35them on to you
21:36and I wouldn't
21:36have been involved
21:37well well well
21:39who'd have thought
21:40of that
21:41makes you think
21:43shall we start
21:44on that wall
21:45back to the
21:55cubbyhole
21:56oh no
21:57absolutely no
21:59hello again sir
22:07hello inspector
22:08ah
22:09not yet
22:10not quite
22:14oh my word
22:17you've done a lot
22:18in here sir
22:19oh it's very good
22:20very good
22:21no er
22:22just er
22:24dropped in sir
22:25not too late
22:25to call I trust
22:26ah
22:27oh no no
22:27sorry I saw the light
22:29I'm not on duty
22:30ah
22:31just thought you'd
22:33like to know
22:33that we shan't be
22:34leading to trouble
22:35Mr England
22:35after all
22:36events have proved
22:37him to be
22:38clearly innocent
22:39well that's very
22:40good news
22:41well you got them
22:42sir
22:42the whole
22:43bang shoot of
22:44well
22:45congratulations
22:46sergeant
22:47thank you sir
22:47yes
22:48not a million miles
22:49away from operation
22:50duly this one sir
22:52a bit of luck
22:53and a following wind
22:55how could we get
22:56in the old uniform
22:57altered on this one sir
22:58put up a couple
22:59of new pips
22:59yes
23:02well
23:02there's a few more
23:04villains
23:04banged up
23:05slopping out
23:06three to a cell
23:07bread and marge
23:08after this night's work
23:09yes
23:12not a nice place
23:16prison
23:16i imagine not
23:18i mean
23:18three men
23:19in a cell
23:20month after month
23:21i mean you can imagine
23:22oh i'm sure you
23:23encounter
23:24i'm afraid you do
23:25how did you sort it
23:30all out sergeant
23:31well sir
23:32we acted upon
23:33information received
23:34from a source
23:34that i can't go into
23:35of course
23:36suffice it to say
23:38that a self-employed
23:40lady from
23:40merseyside
23:41a career girl
23:43if you will
23:44think i catch your
23:46drift sergeant
23:46has come up
23:47absolute trance
23:49which just goes to
23:50show can't tell a book
23:51by its color
23:51let him
23:52who is without
23:53sin
23:53exactly so
23:54sir
23:54well sir
23:55i won't detain
23:57you any further
23:58sir
23:58many thanks
23:59for your help
23:59oh not at all
24:00oh
24:03what's that
24:04bad news
24:06i'm afraid
24:07sir
24:07what
24:09it's but a dry rot
24:10it's coming
24:13from this cupboard
24:13i'm not saying
24:21anything
24:21until i've seen
24:22my accountant
24:22solicitor
24:26uh coffee sergeant
24:28might i ask
24:30what you're doing
24:31in the other
24:31of course
24:32i'm helping purse
24:34shelly
24:35do his kitchen
24:36yes yes
24:37we're just gonna
24:37put up two
24:38um
24:39two
24:39three
24:44new cupboard
24:45and
24:59and
25:04and