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00:00 (bell dings)
00:02 (upbeat music)
00:05 (upbeat music)
00:07 (bell dings)
00:22 (upbeat music)
00:27 (upbeat music)
00:34 (upbeat music)
00:37 - Bobby.
00:42 Bobby!
00:44 Bobby!
00:46 - Shh!
00:47 Bobby is in what I hope is not his deathbed.
00:51 - More juice, crazy or straw?
00:53 - Roger that.
00:54 (coughing)
01:02 (growling)
01:04 - Hey son, are you sick?
01:15 - Don't kiss me, dad.
01:16 I could be contagious.
01:19 (coughing)
01:23 - Looks normal.
01:30 - Put that on my headstone, will ya?
01:32 - You know, it frightens me to think
01:40 that we raised Bobby for 12 years without the internet.
01:43 Parents without the internet
01:44 should have their children taken away.
01:46 - What's it say?
01:48 - He has cedar fever or a sinus infection
01:51 or he may be allergic to something else, I do not know.
01:54 We have to take him to the doctor.
01:56 - How do you know it isn't just a runny nose?
01:59 - His temperature's normal.
02:00 You know, when I was his age,
02:02 I painted the living room with a separated shoulder.
02:05 - Well, I am searching the web as fast as I can.
02:09 Apparently there is a local rock band named Cedar Fever
02:12 and it's complicating my research.
02:14 - Strychnine propane, taste the meat, not the--
02:20 - Okay, okay, there's no time for that.
02:22 Hank, I am over at the doctor's office with Bobby.
02:25 There is something you will want to know right away.
02:28 - Is something wrong with--
02:29 (screaming)
02:30 - Get over here.
02:30 (dramatic music)
02:33 - Bobby, thank God, what happened?
02:40 - They were pricking my back with pins.
02:43 - Oh, you were getting an allergy test.
02:47 (laughing)
02:48 You still want that Merlin tattoo?
02:50 - Hank, it's not good and it's about Bobby.
02:55 (gentle music)
02:58 - Bobby's having an allergic reaction to dander.
03:02 Now your wife tells me you have a dog.
03:04 - Whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down there, Charlie.
03:07 Now what does a dog have to do with anything?
03:11 - Bobby's allergic to the dog.
03:13 - Well, you said dander.
03:14 How do you know that Peggy doesn't have the dander?
03:17 Well, you're in that school with kids from all over.
03:23 She got lice once.
03:24 - Hank, the test was specifically for dog dander.
03:28 And you once came home from Mexico with a butt worm.
03:32 - Allergies can come and go suddenly and mysteriously.
03:35 It's a fascinating field.
03:37 You could try bathing Lady Bird three times a week
03:40 then vacuuming her.
03:41 - Well, I already do that.
03:43 - Hank, that dog is going out of the house.
03:46 Look, if you want a dog inside,
03:49 it says right here that there are several
03:51 hypoallergenic breeds of dog,
03:53 such as poodles or hairless.
03:56 - A poodle?
03:57 Why not go all the way and just get me a cat
03:59 and a sex change operation?
04:02 Can't we just give Bobby something?
04:04 - You could give him daily shots, but Bobby,
04:08 well, we had enough trouble with the pen pricks.
04:11 There are pills, but they don't often work
04:13 and their side effects include drowsiness,
04:15 hives and rectal bleeding.
04:17 And most people find it much simpler
04:18 just to get rid of the dog.
04:19 - We'll try the pills.
04:22 (upbeat music)
04:24 - You just say the word and Lady Bird will die
04:27 a mysterious death.
04:29 I know several poisons that have the meaty taste dogs love.
04:33 - You know, Hank, I could take in Lady Bird.
04:36 She sniffed me once and did not look displeased.
04:39 - Thanks, Bill, but Lady Bird deserves better than that.
04:43 - Oh, I know.
04:45 When I was growing up, we had a dog that we kept outside
04:49 in its own little house.
04:50 Hank doesn't want your old dog.
04:53 - No, no, Bill's right.
04:56 I could build Lady Bird a dog house.
04:59 I was gonna build her one when she was a puppy,
05:01 but then Bobby came along and I got sidetracked
05:04 making a crib.
05:06 Maybe this is the second chance I've been waiting for.
05:09 (upbeat music)
05:13 (sawing)
05:15 - Now, if you have any suggestions for improvements,
05:28 make them now before I file the permit.
05:31 - It looks too small.
05:32 - It's a model, Dale.
05:35 - In that case, it's just right.
05:41 - Hank, Bobby's only breathing through his mouth.
05:44 I'm afraid to bring him lunch.
05:46 - Give Bobby some more pills.
05:47 I still have to put in the baseboards
05:50 and bolt the walls to the foundation.
05:52 - Well, gee, Hank, I would love to give our son
05:54 another handful of pills,
05:56 but he's been asleep for 18 hours.
05:59 - Look, I'm as concerned as you are, Peggy,
06:01 but I need more time.
06:02 I can't have a dog in there licking at exposed wiring.
06:11 - The floor is warm.
06:12 - That's the radiant subfloor heating.
06:15 You know, 80% of a dog's heat loss is through its pads.
06:20 Okay, that figure came from the radiant floor, people,
06:24 so it may be a little high.
06:26 Although we move you into Barkingham Palace today,
06:31 we will always leave a doggy door open into our hearts,
06:36 and we hope we have made your home as wonderful
06:40 as you have made ours these past 13 years.
06:43 Okay, Luanne the Champagne.
06:46 (Luanne laughs)
06:50 Forgive me.
06:57 - Push her in.
07:06 We all came to see the opening of a dog house.
07:10 (dog growls)
07:12 - This can't be easy.
07:19 She slept at the foot of our bed for 13 years.
07:23 Don't blame Lady Bird, blame me.
07:25 - Well, of course I blame you.
07:27 - I made the architect's first mistake.
07:29 I designed it for me, not the client.
07:32 I can do this fast, I promise.
07:35 Okay, grand reopening in 36 hours.
07:38 This time, no gifts.
07:40 Bill, Bill, not today, abort, abort!
07:46 I've got the back scratcher close to the food dispenser
07:53 in case Lady Bird wants to scratch and eat at the same time.
07:56 - Hank, I can give her a good home.
08:03 - Lady Bird won't go in her dog house,
08:06 and her dog house is already better than your house.
08:09 - Maybe instead of three, you could take six or seven.
08:28 - Whatever.
08:29 They're not doing much for the dog hair, but watch this.
08:36 (dog thuds)
08:39 (dog growls)
08:42 - Bobby, that cannot be good for you.
08:45 Hank, it is only fair to warn you
08:47 that tomorrow I am shaving the dog.
08:49 - She's going out in the morning.
08:51 Just give her one last night.
08:53 You know, the allergies won't clear up right away.
08:57 Lady Bird's dander's all over the house.
08:59 We're gonna have to steam clean the furniture,
09:02 probably replace the carpets.
09:04 We'll have to wash or dry clean all of our clothes,
09:09 then vacuum all over.
09:11 Huh.
09:15 You know, Lady Bird hasn't gone in the dog house,
09:18 so there's no dander in there,
09:20 and the air filter would work better in a small room.
09:24 And for less than the cost of cleaning the house,
09:27 we could pay to have a second TV set hooked up to the cable.
09:31 - Hank, the dog is not getting a television.
09:33 - No, Peggy, don't be silly.
09:35 What I was thinking was,
09:37 Bobby could live in the dog house.
09:40 Yeah, that'll work.
09:42 Bobby's only 13.
09:43 He's young.
09:44 It'll be fun for him.
09:46 But Lady Bird's 13.
09:48 She doesn't have much time left,
09:50 and she's setting her ways.
09:52 Yep, that works all around.
09:54 ♪ Lady Bird ♪
09:57 ♪ Daddy's got your din-din ♪
10:03 - You'll be like Tom Sawyer, Bobby,
10:06 but instead of a raft, you'll have a dog house.
10:09 - Okay, Bobby, you've indulged your father long enough.
10:12 Now get out.
10:13 He's not getting out.
10:17 He must be stuck.
10:17 Hank!
10:18 - I'll take it!
10:19 - Bobby, honey, I do not know what your father told you,
10:22 but he has to love you whether you move in or not.
10:25 - Mom, this is a perfect starter home.
10:29 I like the neighborhood.
10:30 I won't have to change schools,
10:32 and it's Connie adjacent.
10:35 - Bobby's a big boy, Peggy.
10:37 He can't hang on forever.
10:39 - Time to move on, Mom.
10:41 (children laughing)
10:46 - The courtesy of an invitation.
10:47 That's all I ask.
10:49 - Peggy, we couldn't even fit in the door.
10:51 - Tony's Pizza will do nicely
10:57 until Dad installs my kitchen grill.
11:00 I stole a bottle of Chianti from my dad.
11:03 I poured out the wine so we can put a candle in it.
11:06 - You can't beat that view of the alley.
11:28 - Hey, Peggy Hill!
11:30 Connie wanted to have your Bobby over to play.
11:32 You had him fixed, right?
11:34 - Well, I'm glad you find my son's sickness so amusing.
11:39 If he were living in a plastic bubble,
11:41 I would be having lunch with Elton John,
11:43 but because he is in a doghouse,
11:45 (laughing)
11:47 big laugh.
11:48 Well, you know what would be really funny?
11:49 You know what would be really funny, huh?
11:51 If Connie broke her leg.
11:57 (gentle music)
11:59 - Oh, look, we got a letter from Bobby.
12:06 Oh, apparently he can't make it
12:08 to the Gribble's anniversary party.
12:10 Hank, people are starting to talk.
12:13 - Well, let 'em talk.
12:14 I say this is good for Bobby.
12:17 He's learning a little bit about the real world
12:19 out there in the doghouse.
12:21 And look at you with the spiffiest new office in town.
12:25 - Yes, it is everything I have always deserved,
12:28 but I have turned our son into a stranger.
12:32 I am moving back into the closet.
12:35 - Well, if that's what you think is best,
12:38 I guess I'll set up Lady Bird in Bobby's room then.
12:41 Don't let Lady Bird, L.B., in the room until I'm finished.
12:46 I want it to be a surprise.
12:48 (gentle music)
12:54 - We got some of your mail here.
12:56 - Suddenly everybody wants to sell Bobby Hill
13:00 a security system.
13:02 - So your mother was wanting to see you.
13:05 How does dinner on Thursday sound?
13:08 - Thursday's poker night.
13:10 The stripper comes over at nine.
13:12 I'm just yanking your chain.
13:16 She's over at eight.
13:18 (yells)
13:20 - Little help?
13:23 (birds chirping)
13:25 - I'll get one more Frisbee.
13:31 I'm opening a store.
13:33 (gentle music)
13:36 - Mayor Bridgewater said a financial feasibility study-
13:43 - Are you gonna hog all of that pillow?
13:45 Bobby, it's covered with Lady Bird's hair.
13:50 - Oh, thank God, I thought I was losing mine.
13:53 - Hey, you're not sneezing or hacking up something gross.
14:01 - Maybe it's the pills.
14:04 I started taking two of the yellows with half a red.
14:08 My heart stopped beating funny
14:10 and I didn't cry as much at school.
14:12 - So your allergies are under control?
14:15 - Yeah, how about that?
14:18 But my dislike for local news continues.
14:22 - I guess that means you'll be moving back into the house.
14:26 - I may be well, but I'm not stupid.
14:29 I am not giving up this dog house.
14:31 You got that?
14:32 Connie, look at me.
14:36 You got that?
14:37 Say it.
14:41 - I got that.
14:43 - Good.
14:45 That would be our toaster pastries.
14:47 - Now I own my own house.
14:53 - Hey, everybody, look what the gun club
14:57 made for our anniversary.
15:00 After dessert, they're going to fire 15 bullets
15:04 into our hearts, one for every year of conjugal bliss.
15:09 - Aw.
15:12 - Okay, now everyone get into single file for dessert.
15:16 Single file.
15:19 Sorry Bobby isn't here.
15:25 I'm sure he would have loved the desserts.
15:27 Say, what if I give you one to take home for him?
15:30 In a doggy bag.
15:32 - My son does not eat leftovers.
15:38 - Oh, that's right.
15:40 Once you get them on the table scraps,
15:42 they won't eat their kibble.
15:44 (laughing)
15:46 - Come on, Lady Bird, don't make me beg.
16:10 (grunting)
16:13 Please, Lady Bird, be a good dog.
16:16 (grunting)
16:19 It's my fault, Peggy.
16:24 I raised her in a real house.
16:26 Well, I have no choice.
16:30 You'll have to walk her when it's time to go.
16:37 She won't go in her own yard.
16:39 - I'm the same way.
16:41 - Yeah, and when you change her water,
16:44 mix in two tablespoons of red wine for her heart.
16:48 Let's be honest, neither one of us
16:51 is any good at saying goodbyes.
16:54 I'll see you when I see you.
17:05 - All right, get yourself washed up.
17:07 We don't eat with dirty fingernails.
17:10 - You go ahead without me.
17:12 I'm just gonna order a pizza.
17:14 - We're having chicken and broccoli.
17:16 - Okay, you can have some of my pizza if you want.
17:20 - The only pizza you'll be having
17:22 is chicken and broccoli pizza
17:24 without the crust and the pizza sauce,
17:27 but plenty of cheese
17:28 because that's the way your mother makes it.
17:31 (gentle music)
17:34 - Mm, delicious chicken and broccoli, Mother.
17:45 (sneezes)
17:47 No, no, I've been down this road.
17:50 (sneezes)
17:52 Before.
17:54 - Oh my goodness, Bobby, honey, are you okay?
17:59 Has Lady Bird been in the house?
18:02 - Hank?
18:03 - No.
18:04 Well, Bill brought her by the alley.
18:07 She gave me her paw, but what am I supposed to do?
18:11 Leave her hanging?
18:12 That would have been rude.
18:13 Rude.
18:16 - Hank, you could have dragged Dander into this house.
18:20 - Don't panic.
18:21 There's no need to send me back out to the dog house yet.
18:26 (sneezes)
18:28 (grunts)
18:30 (groans)
18:40 (laughs)
18:48 (phone rings)
18:52 - Hello, this is Bobby Hill.
18:55 I'd like to order a large pizza with everything.
18:58 - Lady Bird?
19:02 - I'm sorry, but she won't go in her own yard.
19:08 (gentle music)
19:15 - Peggy, it's like I told you,
19:22 the crawl space under the house is spotless.
19:25 - Oh, I shouldn't have cleaned this book first.
19:27 It's too engaging.
19:29 I can't put it down.
19:30 - Peggy, there's nothing in here.
19:35 We've already gone through the house twice.
19:38 - Uh-huh.
19:39 Hank, give me a boost.
19:44 I bet those light fixtures are the perfect Dander magnet.
19:54 - I can't see it, but I know it's in there.
19:57 Pack your bags, you flaky bastards.
20:00 Dust mop.
20:01 - I can't believe I didn't eat this last night.
20:09 Hey, what are you doing?
20:17 - I thought I'd clean up a bit.
20:19 - I like it the way it is.
20:21 - That is why it is the way it is.
20:24 - You used to have the best looking dog house
20:27 in the neighborhood.
20:29 Now I bet it isn't even in the top 10.
20:32 Why don't you move back in?
20:33 Every night your dad has to watch another man brush his dog.
20:37 Every time Lady Bird wags her tail,
20:39 your father dies a little.
20:41 - Hey, it was my dad's idea to move me in here
20:45 in the first place, so just relax.
20:49 We got a good thing going.
20:51 As long as I keep sneezing,
20:53 the lady next door can't say boo.
20:56 Hey, no pop-ins.
20:59 Get out of here.
21:00 (dog barking)
21:02 Ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch.
21:04 Ouch.
21:09 - Oh, that's a, oh, Bill's gonna get it.
21:20 Bill's gonna get it.
21:22 (laughing)
21:24 - I made that game up.
21:27 That's our game.
21:29 I wanna play.
21:30 - Those two look more alike after a week
21:33 than you did after 10 years.
21:35 - Man, I ain't never seen a little dog so happy, man.
21:39 She don't talk about a little dog's life, you know?
21:41 They don't be a best friend.
21:43 Now, you know, you want a beer, man?
21:47 - I don't wanna associate beer with this kind of pain.
21:51 - Bobby, I brought you an air freshener.
21:58 (screaming)
22:01 - Bobby.
22:02 Come on, Bobby, here.
22:04 (groaning)
22:08 - Were we robbed?
22:17 - I took the carpeting.
22:19 - Robbers wouldn't do this good of a job
22:21 sanding and triple varnishing the floors.
22:24 - We cleaned this house top to bottom for you, Bobby.
22:27 It is clean enough to make computer chips in.
22:30 - Don't be afraid to breathe, Bobby.
22:32 It's the only way we can find out if we got all the dander.
22:36 - Achoo.
22:43 - Damn it.
22:46 (sad music)
22:48 - I knew we should have steam cleaned the ceiling,
22:50 but that guy was so damn smug.
22:53 Boy, the place sure feels empty.
22:59 You know, no carpet, no dog, no sun.
23:02 Maybe I'll just go over to Bill's house.
23:07 - Hank, remember what I told the doctor.
23:10 You should not even touch Lady Bird.
23:13 (sad music)
23:15 - Okay, Hank, you got five minutes.
23:25 - I won't say her name because then she'll just
23:27 get all excited and jump up on me.
23:31 And I can't have that.
23:33 Oh no, she's starting to wag.
23:36 Dale, quick, tape her tail to her leg.
23:39 - I'm on it.
23:43 (dog barking)
23:45 - Lady Bird, no, no, get out.
23:49 - Dad, look, I'm cured.
23:51 I found a combination of pills that work, see?
23:55 - Oh, hey girl, welcome home.
23:59 You too, boy.
24:00 - Thank you, Dad.
24:02 (sad music)
24:04 (dog barking)
24:12 - You ready?
24:13 All right.
24:17 - I have a client in here I am trying to tutor.
24:27 So cool it down.
24:28 Okay, water.
24:33 - Agua.
24:35 - Perfect.
24:37 Good boy.
24:42 [dog barks]
24:44 We all came to see the opening of a dog's...