Comedian Youngmi Mayer made a name for herself talking about her traumatic childhood and growing up in Korea and Saipan. In this week’s episode of Unpacked, we chat with Youngmi about her recent return to her childhood homes—with her young son in tow—and how she managed to find beauty in it. We also talk about Asian moms, what it’s like to be biracial and Asian American, and why these identities can be so complex.
Read the transcript here: https://rebrand.ly/qha9vfm
Discover more episodes of the podcast here: https://www.afar.com/podcasts/unpacked
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Read the transcript here: https://rebrand.ly/qha9vfm
Discover more episodes of the podcast here: https://www.afar.com/podcasts/unpacked
----
CONNECT WITH AFAR
Afar.com is a digital and print magazine that publishes travel tips, guides, news, and stories: https://www.afar.com
Get updates on the latest articles, travel news, and more from AFAR by signing up for the AFAR newsletter: https://afar.com/newsletters
Follow AFAR on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AfarMedia
Follow AFAR on Twitter: https://twitter.com/afarmedia
Follow AFAR on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/afarmedia
Follow AFAR on Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/afarmedia
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TravelTranscript
00:00 I'm Mae Hamilton, and this is Unpacked, the podcast that unpacks one tricky topic in travel
00:10 each week.
00:12 This week, we're chatting with comedian, activist, and podcast host Youngmi Maer, who's
00:17 based in New York City's Chinatown.
00:19 I first came upon Youngmi on Instagram.
00:22 I don't remember exactly how.
00:24 Maybe a friend had reposted her onto a story.
00:27 Her posts about not quite fitting in with Korean or American culture really resonated
00:31 with me and made me feel seen in a way I hadn't before as a half-Taiwanese and half-white
00:36 American person.
00:37 Soon, I was tuning in weekly to her podcast, Harry Butthole, and I quickly became a big
00:43 Youngmi fan.
00:45 In this episode, Youngmi and I chat about a recent trip she took to her childhood homes
00:49 in Korea and Saipan, an island near Guam.
00:52 Youngmi had a traumatic childhood, a subject which makes a regular appearance in her standup,
00:58 so returning home for her has always been a bit complicated.
01:02 And this time, she brought her young son Minho, so we discuss what it's like to travel to
01:07 a place that has emotional baggage for you and how to still find beauty in it.
01:11 We also talk about Asian moms, what it's like to be biracial and Asian American, and
01:16 why these identities can be so complex.
01:19 Hey, Youngmi!
01:22 I've been following you and listening to Harry Butthole for a while.
01:26 Thank you so much for joining me today.
01:28 Yeah, thanks for having me.
01:29 I'm excited.
01:30 Me too.
01:31 So, I guess, just to know a little bit more about you, like, how did you first get into
01:35 comedy?
01:36 I first got into comedy in 2018.
01:40 I had a realization that, you know, I was sort of living my life in a way that I didn't
01:49 want to.
01:50 It's so cliche, and I'm so sad to tell my story because I feel like there's 800 similar
01:57 stories for some reason.
01:59 Women are married and they have a kid, they get divorced, and then they do standup comedy.
02:04 But that's also my story.
02:08 But I think I had, I think that part of it, maybe that's a little different, is that I
02:13 had this like epiphany in therapy where I realized that I was living my life in this
02:18 way that I thought that I was supposed to, and I was very unhappy.
02:24 And yeah, I was like, you know, married, kind of stay at home mom.
02:28 And I'm very careful to say here that nobody made me do that.
02:32 Like I just, I just thought I had to, you know, like my ex-husband didn't make me do
02:37 that.
02:38 I was like, I'm gonna do this.
02:39 And I'm too embarrassed to like actually say out loud that I want to do comedy.
02:42 And then I think through therapy, I realized that that was making me really unhappy.
02:47 So yeah, I see.
02:50 I think I remember you saying you used to be like a really shy and reserved person before
02:54 you got into comedy.
02:56 What was it about it that you were like, able to make the leap into it?
03:00 Yeah, I think a lot of people are really surprised that I was really shy.
03:04 I was like the person that like, you know, hated speaking in front of people and having
03:10 any kind of attention.
03:12 I think this is where it's gonna get a little like, woo woo, like gemstones or, but I'm
03:19 like a cancer rising, but my son's sign is Sagittarius.
03:23 So I feel like, you know, if you know about astrology, I think it's like very sort of
03:28 classic.
03:29 I'm a classic Sagittarius, you know, if you see me today, but I think it was my cancer
03:34 rising making me a little shy in the first half of my life, I guess.
03:38 Yeah, those water signs.
03:40 I get it.
03:42 And I think it is such a gift to the world that you went into comedy, honestly.
03:48 So with people who might not be familiar with your standup or your podcast, what topics
03:53 do you really like to cover and, you know, what interests you?
03:56 I guess the majority of like my focus has been my Asian biracial identity and like being
04:01 Korean and, you know, sort of approaching it from this very unique standpoint, I think,
04:08 as somebody that's like biracial, but I grew up in Korea and I moved to the States when
04:14 I was 20.
04:15 And so I have a lot of similar, I share a lot of like similarities with Asian Americans,
04:20 but then there are some differences.
04:21 And so that's probably my main focus.
04:24 But then I also talk just about being a single mom and just sort of being chaotic and whatever
04:31 that brings and feminism and just my core beliefs, which are obviously like Asian.
04:40 What's it called?
04:41 Like social just, is that the right term?
04:43 Is that creeping people out?
04:44 Like Asian identity politics and standing up for, you know, Asian people's rights and
04:51 feminism and sort of subverting stereotypes around all of those topics.
04:56 Like I like to show people that I'm not what people expect from an Asian woman so that
05:03 it sort of allows other Asian women and people that live the way I do to feel like they have
05:10 the right to, you know?
05:12 Yes.
05:13 I love that.
05:14 Kind of just get into like the humanity and complexity of things.
05:17 But okay.
05:18 So for people who don't know, I'm also mixed Asian American.
05:21 So what is that like for you?
05:23 Like, what are the complexities of this identity?
05:26 What does it feel like?
05:27 Well, first of all, I have to say I knew that right off the bat because I feel like we always
05:32 see each other, right?
05:35 I could tell from a mile away.
05:37 So I guess that's like one part of it.
05:39 You know, a lot of us are invisible, right?
05:42 Like I'm sure you've experienced this.
05:43 People think that you're either Asian or Asian people are like, we don't know what you are,
05:47 but you're not us.
05:48 And like we, people don't immediately see you as biracial, I think, unless they are
05:54 biracial or mixed themselves.
05:56 So we are invisible.
05:58 And I think that is very unique because even though all of us people as mixed race biracial
06:05 people, whatever mix you are, we have very similar lives and experiences.
06:12 Exactly.
06:13 But because we're like not really grouped together, we're always like stragglers.
06:18 We're like with the Korean group, kind of, or like the white group, kind of, or, you
06:23 know, the like, whatever race you are, I'm sure that you feel kind of like you're like
06:28 adjacent to it.
06:29 Yes.
06:30 But no one ever like puts us together in a room.
06:33 So we can never like band together and, you know, overthrow the government, which I feel
06:38 like we could do, right?
06:39 We totally could.
06:40 Right?
06:41 Yes.
06:42 We're too afraid of our power to put us together, I think.
06:48 And then a part of like why I think a lot of mixed race people are invisible in America
06:53 specifically, I'm not sure, you're based in America, right?
06:56 Yes, I'm in LA.
06:57 Okay.
06:58 Yeah.
06:59 Okay.
07:00 I was like, I don't know if you're like a sneaky Canadian or, but especially in America,
07:06 it's even worse, I think, because other places in the world, like in Korea, there's like
07:10 a word for it.
07:12 But in America, you know, because of the history of the one drop rule and, you know, like those
07:17 anti-race mixing laws, it's so harsh here.
07:22 It's like either you're one thing or the other.
07:24 And so I think we're very invisible here.
07:28 I agree.
07:29 And I think what you're saying about like not belonging quite to one community or the
07:33 other, that suffering, I think, makes us quite powerful.
07:39 It has like forged us into, you know, stronger people, I think, I hope.
07:44 And also it's made us weirdly like feel like we're really special.
07:49 I went to this like comedy show and I didn't know this at the time, but my friend invited
07:53 me and it was for mixed Asians.
07:56 And the person sitting next to me, she was like, I don't like being in this room because
08:00 I feel like I like being the only one, I'm special.
08:03 And I was like, what are you talking about?
08:05 And she was like, oh, didn't you know this is like a mixed Asian comedy show?
08:09 And I looked around the room and I was like, oh, my God, everyone is so hot.
08:14 I didn't even notice because like we're invisible, you know, and I looked around, I was like,
08:20 oh, my God, everyone is like mixed Asian here.
08:23 And I was like, damn.
08:24 I was like, I am uncomfortable.
08:26 I'm a little uncomfortable.
08:27 We're all going to like fight to death.
08:29 There's only going to be one that comes out.
08:32 That's so true.
08:33 We would just like eat each other like hamsters or something.
08:39 So nice to talk to you about these things.
08:41 You get it.
08:42 Yeah, over Zoom, because if we were in the same room, we would fight until only one of
08:47 us remains.
08:48 Exactly.
08:49 It would probably be you.
08:50 Unfortunately.
08:51 I don't know.
08:52 I feel like you're like a sleeper, like a fighter.
08:55 Always the quiet ones.
08:57 Just kidding.
08:59 So one of the things that I really love that you did recently, I think in the last few
09:04 months that I think has been kind of new is doing these little vlogs of your travel experiences
09:09 and just, I don't know, being out and about.
09:12 And one of the ones that you did like a few months ago is about you traveling to Saipan
09:16 in Korea.
09:18 So do you mind talking a bit about that trip, like how long it was, just all the basics?
09:23 Sure.
09:25 You know, that was my first time back to Korea and Saipan, which is a small island in the
09:30 Marianas, which is in Micronesia.
09:33 And half of my childhood, I grew up in Korea and the other half I grew up on Saipan.
09:38 And I used to visit Korea very frequently because my parents live there and I have a
09:44 son and, you know, obviously I would take him, but I hadn't been back since COVID.
09:50 So last summer was the first time I had been back in maybe three years, at least.
09:59 And it was my first time back on Saipan since I was 18 years old.
10:03 And it was a month long and we stayed with my parents and I was like kind of scared because
10:07 I'm like, as part of the subverting Asian stereotypes thing, I'm very open about like
10:13 my childhood trauma because I think there is like this idea that Asian people never
10:18 talk about that kind of stuff or there's a stereotype.
10:22 So I've been very open about this relationship I've had with my parents.
10:27 That's a little difficult, but it actually ended up being very, very great.
10:32 Like everything was fine.
10:34 You know, we had like one or two fights, which is expected, nothing too severe.
10:41 And then the Saipan part was amazing because like my son got to see it.
10:44 It was really exciting.
10:45 Yeah.
10:46 Oh my gosh.
10:47 I feel like, yeah, there's so much to talk about there.
10:50 One of the things that I really appreciate that you do with your work is, I don't know
10:53 if I've ever seen this anywhere else where you have like a really complicated relationship
10:58 with your mom, I think, where, you know, she's done a lot of kind of messed up things during
11:05 your childhood, but in the end, like you still really love her and still want to maintain
11:09 that relationship despite all that.
11:12 And that's kind of like what the same thing I have with my mom.
11:15 And I really appreciate you like talking about this in like a very real way with the Asian
11:22 American community, because I feel like we have this really polished view of Asian American
11:28 families for some reason.
11:29 Like I think of Fresh Off the Boat, you know, where I'm like, nobody's dad or mom acts like
11:33 that.
11:34 You know what I mean?
11:35 Well, yeah, that's why I'm really glad you brought that up.
11:38 I think in the Asian community, yeah, it's like, these are very broad stereotypes, but
11:44 like you have to respect your parents and honor them and you can't really say anything
11:50 bad about them publicly.
11:53 And I think a lot of Asian people feel that pressure, you know, and they would never say
11:59 it.
12:00 But unfortunately, Asian people are human beings like everybody else in the world.
12:04 A lot of us have abusive parents and a lot of us had abusive parents and live without
12:11 realizing it.
12:12 You know what I mean?
12:14 And without processing it, there's a huge scale, obviously, on like what kind of abuse
12:19 people can go through.
12:20 And some people, Asian people actually don't talk to their parents or they don't have relationships
12:27 because of the history of abuse.
12:28 And some people are like me where they've processed it and sort of lived through it.
12:32 And some people, you know, don't even realize that they went through abuse.
12:36 Part of the reason I'm so open is because I want whoever you are in that scale, the
12:42 relationship with your parents to feel like you're valid.
12:46 And like, that's totally fine.
12:47 If you're the perfect Asian Harvard person, doctor, and you you're still making lunch
12:55 for your mom every day, even though she like beat the F out of you, the S out of you.
13:00 I don't know what the F is.
13:04 Beat the F out of you.
13:05 It's a Korean saying.
13:06 But like even if she beat the S out of you and you're still, you know, showing up and
13:11 you know, washing her sheets or whatever, the perfect Korean kid, Asian kid, after going
13:16 to Harvard, you're valid because that's valid.
13:20 That's your life and you have a very forgiving mind and that's great.
13:24 You know, you care about your relationship with your mom that much and respect her that
13:28 much.
13:29 But if you're on the other end where you're not even talking to your parents as an Asian
13:32 person, I know a lot of Asian people that live like that.
13:36 And they're not only like feeling the pain of this like broken relationship, but this
13:41 unbearable shame because they're like, I don't look like the person on Fresh Off the Boat
13:47 or, you know, whatever representation or.
13:49 Right.
13:50 And I think that's totally valid.
13:51 If you're not talking to your parents, you're right.
13:54 You know, they shouldn't have hit you with that slipper.
13:57 You know, like that's horrible.
13:58 I totally agree.
13:59 So my relationship with my mom, yeah, and now it's fine.
14:02 But I did have years where I didn't talk to her and I felt so guilty about it.
14:06 And like I shouldn't have because I was processing stuff, you know?
14:09 Exactly.
14:10 Exactly.
14:11 Yeah.
14:12 Yeah.
14:13 And I think what you said about shame is such a big thing, because, again, not to overgeneralize,
14:17 but I feel like with a lot of Asian cultures, there's this whole thing about losing face,
14:22 right?
14:23 Being ashamed that XYZ happened.
14:25 So not keeping up with appearances, whatever those ideas might be.
14:30 So yeah, that's why I think the work you do is so important.
14:34 Just getting it all out in the open, you know?
14:37 Yeah.
14:38 And it's like, so I mean, thank you so much for being like so complimentary.
14:41 But it's so weird because all I'm doing is just being very honest.
14:45 So it's like sometimes it's hard for me to when I hear people compliment me in that way,
14:50 I'm like, oh, I'm not really doing anything.
14:53 But then I'm like, oh, I can see that other people don't want to say this kind of stuff.
14:57 Sorry, I feel I'm just feeling weird because I'm like, you're complimenting me.
15:01 And I'm like, no, I get it.
15:04 You're just doing your thing.
15:05 Live in your truth.
15:06 Which, yeah, you're doing a great job, but I won't say anything more about it.
15:21 So I think you said you were born in Korea, but I think you spent the most amount of time
15:26 in your childhood in Saipan.
15:28 How long were you in Korea and how long were you in Saipan about?
15:32 It's a little, it's not that, it's like birth to six years old Korea, and then six to 16
15:38 Saipan.
15:39 And then I live in Korea again from 16 to 20.
15:41 I see.
15:43 I'm wondering if you could explain your family dynamic a little bit.
15:47 Yeah, sure.
15:48 So like I said, I'm biracial.
15:50 My mom is Korean and my dad is white and he's American.
15:55 I guess something that's a little unique about them compared to other Korean white people
16:01 or American people that are my age is that my dad wasn't in the military.
16:06 And my parents actually met in Fairbanks, Alaska.
16:12 It's very random.
16:13 My mom married somebody in the US military, I think with the plan on leaving Korea.
16:19 And then they moved to Fairbanks, Alaska.
16:23 And my mom had my sister, I have an older half sister, and she got divorced and then
16:29 met my dad there.
16:31 And he was like a small airplane pilot.
16:35 I don't know what they're called.
16:36 Like those small sea, I don't know.
16:39 Oh yes, sea planes.
16:41 Sea planes?
16:42 Yes.
16:43 My dad is gonna be so mad if he hears this.
16:44 He's like, "I've talked about this all my life, every day."
16:47 It's okay.
16:49 You're not flying them, young me.
16:55 You don't need to know that.
16:58 Don't worry.
16:59 I'm never ever going to get into becoming a pilot.
17:01 Don't worry.
17:02 Everyone is safe.
17:03 Yeah, so then when my mom became pregnant, they decided to move back to Korea because
17:08 my mom had had a hard time raising my sister alone as a single mom.
17:13 In Alaska?
17:14 Oh my God.
17:15 In Alaska.
17:16 She was working at Baskin Robbins.
17:17 I was like, "Dang."
17:18 Oh, jeez.
17:19 "That sounds rough."
17:20 I was like, "You're working at Baskin Robbins."
17:27 It sounds like somebody spun the wheel on situations you could be in in America.
17:32 Like location.
17:34 Like Fairbanks, Alaska, your job is working at Baskin Robbins.
17:38 It's like America on mega hard mode.
17:41 Yes, exactly.
17:42 Yeah, so you met my dad, and then they moved.
17:45 I was born in Korea, and then it was my first few years of my life.
17:48 I lived in Songtan, which is near Osan Air Base.
17:51 And then we lived on Jeju Island, Jeju-do, and then we moved to Saipan.
17:55 I see.
17:56 What brought you guys to Saipan?
17:59 It's hard to explain because I think a lot of people assume that my dad's in the military,
18:03 and then I moved around because I was a military brat.
18:06 But I'm like, "Nope.
18:07 My parents are just like, they just like to travel, and they literally had no plan.
18:11 And they're still kind of like that."
18:14 So yeah.
18:15 That's so interesting.
18:17 Do you mind explaining your relationship with Saipan?
18:20 Yeah.
18:21 I love Saipan.
18:22 I really, it's a wonderful place.
18:23 I also feel very protective of it.
18:27 And when I talk about Saipan itself and the people that live there, I want so much for
18:33 the world to know about it because the Chamorros, who are the indigenous population of Saipan,
18:40 they've been through so much.
18:41 And as an East Asian person, it's very important for me to point out the fact that Pacific
18:48 Islanders were colonized by East Asian people.
18:52 We are the white people of the Pacific Islands.
18:56 And a lot of times, the reason I won't talk about Saipan is because I feel like a poor
19:01 representative for, like, I would rather a Chamorro person talk about it.
19:06 Do you know what I mean?
19:08 So I'm very careful to say it's a wonderful island.
19:11 It's a beautiful culture.
19:13 There's a lot of history there.
19:14 There is a lot of Japanese influence, and there's a lot of like, World War history stuff
19:20 that people know about it.
19:21 But I think my main focus is to make sure that the people and the culture is respected.
19:27 And that having been said, unfortunately, you know, when I talk about Saipan, it's like
19:31 just relates to my childhood and my story and my family.
19:37 So like the travel videos that you were talking about, unfortunately, they're just kind of
19:43 about me and like, like my sad life, you know, while I was there, which is what I was like
19:49 thinking about while I was there.
19:51 So I just made this video like, oh, it's such a beautiful, wonderful place and it's paradise.
19:55 But for me, I'm just sad because I remember all the sad stuff.
19:59 And I'm sure a lot of people relate to that, you know, when they go home and there's part
20:04 of you that's, you know, wherever you're from, you feel very comfortable going back to the
20:10 physical location that smells like home to you, you know, like the air and like the water.
20:17 It's very familiar, but then the sad memories are also there.
20:21 So it's like a mixed bag of very deep emotions.
20:25 Right.
20:26 Your mom also, when you guys were living in Saipan, she actually worked at a hotel, right?
20:31 At a resort.
20:32 Yeah.
20:33 So did you grow up kind of at the resort too?
20:37 Because she worked there?
20:38 Yes.
20:39 Did you spend a lot of time there?
20:40 I did.
20:41 I spent a lot of time there and then we were sort of left to play, which is really fun.
20:46 You know, it's like I became friends with another kid who became my best friend whose
20:52 mom worked there.
20:54 And so we just ran around the beach and like the water park all day.
20:59 And so it was really fun.
21:00 But it was like, I think for most of us, even if you had a very hard or very great childhood,
21:05 there's both aspects.
21:06 There are parts of it that were like super fun.
21:09 And we got to like explore this beautiful tropical island.
21:14 But then it was like basically negligent abuse.
21:17 You know, like it's like, where was my mom?
21:21 I don't know.
21:22 Like, I was seven.
21:23 I was like, why was I like, and I just think back on all these adventures that I got in
21:28 with my friend.
21:29 And I was like, where the hell were our parents?
21:34 Why were we allowed to do that?
21:36 Like, you know, stuff like that.
21:38 Exactly.
21:39 Yeah.
21:40 Bittersweet.
21:41 Yeah.
21:42 Yeah, not the same thing.
21:43 But my family had a Chinese restaurant.
21:45 So, you know, my parents or my mom would also be working.
21:49 And you know, I would just be off doing my own thing too.
21:52 So I relate solidarity with working mom, working Asian mom stuff.
21:57 I totally think that's the same thing.
21:59 I think a lot of like Asian people, not only Asian Americans, but in Asia, like know that
22:05 sort of feeling of my parents are busy and you're stranded at their work.
22:11 And like, you have to figure out how to keep yourself entertained, you know?
22:17 Yeah.
22:18 Okay, so I guess how did it feel traveling back to these places having not been there
22:23 in a really long time?
22:25 What emotions are you feeling?
22:27 You know what surprised me?
22:28 I felt most of my emotions when I went to Saipan.
22:32 And they were like these dormant, deep emotions that I did not realize I still had.
22:39 And then like, there's this one night where my mom and I finally got into a fight, you
22:44 know, it's like day 28 of my trip.
22:47 And we were on Saipan.
22:49 And we got in this big fight.
22:51 And my friend was like, "Well, I'm going to come by and pick you up."
22:54 And he like just rolled up.
22:57 And I just like remember when I like lived there, like, you know, the resorts are all
23:00 these like East Asian tourists mostly, and they're all like dressed up fancy.
23:04 And they're like getting driven around in like taxis or whatever.
23:08 And he just rolled up in his pickup truck.
23:10 It was like dirty because he lives up in the mountain.
23:14 And he just had like these busted flip flops on with like covered in mud, and just wearing
23:19 like shorts, you know, just like smoking a cigarette.
23:24 And he was just like, "Hey!"
23:25 And he just like rolled in.
23:26 And he like just immediately opens up like a cooler in the back of his pickup truck and
23:31 like throws me a Bud Light.
23:33 And I was like, "Oh, this is like, I remember this when we used to live here."
23:36 And like, we would come pick up my mom from work because all the people that live on Saipan
23:40 are like super casual.
23:41 And you know, we're always like coming from the beach or something.
23:45 So we always have sand and wearing like just swimsuit bottoms.
23:48 And it's very stark, the difference between people that live there, obviously stay at
23:53 the resorts.
23:54 And I was like, "Oh, I remember how like how much fun that was when we would show up and
23:58 just walk into the continental buffet, like in our flip flops and stuff like that."
24:05 And in my memory of Saipan, it feels very isolating and lonely.
24:09 But then I was like, "Oh, no, I remember.
24:10 I had like a safety net, like a friend safety net, you know."
24:14 Oh, that is so beautiful.
24:16 And I guess maybe you might have felt isolated or alone at that time, like having this big
24:21 fight with your mom and then realizing you still have your network there.
24:25 What was it like also traveling to these places with your son?
24:29 It was really amazing seeing what he reacted to and what he liked and he disliked.
24:34 Like he loved Saipan so much and we rented like a Mustang.
24:40 It was like the cheapest rent-a-car.
24:42 I was like, "Sure, we'll take the Mustang."
24:44 And we like were driving around with a top down and you know, it's like a really small
24:48 island and I was kind of like worried that he'd be bored or something because, you know,
24:53 like in New York, he's always like doing so many millions of activities.
24:57 But he like loved it.
24:58 And I was like, "Yeah, of course he loves it.
25:01 It's like a beautiful beach.
25:02 You can just walk on the beach and look at crabs and little fish."
25:07 And he really loved the sea cucumbers, which grossed me out, but he was like, "I love them."
25:11 And like squishing the water out and stuff.
25:16 And he just loved like chilling and like sitting in the convertible and like driving around
25:23 this island just doing nothing.
25:25 And I was like, "Yeah, of course he loves this.
25:28 He's a kid."
25:29 It surprised me because I thought he would be like, "I'm bored."
25:32 You know, like, so I guess it was like pleasantly surprising like to see what he would like.
25:37 I love that.
25:39 I'm glad it was a positive experience for both of you guys.
25:43 So this trip obviously had some highs and some lows, but do you regret going at all
25:48 or did you feel like it was a growing experience for you?
25:51 Oh, no, I don't regret going at all.
25:53 I think it was really great.
25:54 I remember going back before that trip and it was way worse.
26:00 Like it was traumatizing.
26:02 And I think it was because I hadn't processed a lot of stuff from my childhood.
26:06 And I think maybe I still haven't processed that, but I think COVID made me different
26:13 in a way where it made me a little bit more resilient because like so many, you know,
26:17 obviously for everybody, so many horrible things happened.
26:21 And then I was like, "Fine."
26:24 You know, I think I processed so much without even realizing because I was going through
26:28 so much like turmoil.
26:30 And then so I felt so strong, like so much stronger when I was in Korea this time than
26:36 previous trips.
26:37 And I was like, "Yeah, I can handle this.
26:39 What am I complaining about?"
26:40 You know, like when you grow in a way, like, you know, you're practicing, sorry, this is
26:45 a piano analogy.
26:46 Sorry.
26:47 It's Asian alert, whatever.
26:49 You're practicing something and you're making gradual, gradually advancing and you don't
26:54 even notice.
26:55 And then one day you're like, you listen to a record of you playing piano five years ago
27:00 and you're like, "Oh, yeah, okay."
27:02 It was like that.
27:03 Like I didn't notice until I went there that I had changed so much, you know?
27:08 You're an expert piano player now, young me.
27:11 Yes.
27:12 I'm just kidding.
27:13 I'm not.
27:14 I could not do that.
27:15 My mom tried to make me go to piano when I was a kid.
27:18 I could not do it.
27:19 It was the one thing she couldn't like force me to do.
27:22 I did learn the clarinet, I guess I will.
27:25 Really?
27:26 Wow.
27:27 But I'm not good at it.
27:28 But I think if I pick one up today, I could probably still play it.
27:31 Yeah.
27:32 Threateningly.
27:33 Yeah.
27:34 I love that.
27:35 You have a new book coming out.
27:36 Do you want to talk about that a bit?
27:38 Yeah, I can totally talk about it.
27:40 The interesting thing is a lot of the chapters are about what I sort of touched on today.
27:47 But it's, you know, obviously when I'm on podcasts, when I had my own, you know, the
27:51 Asian, Feeling Asian, like Asian identity podcast or Hairy But Whole Now, I sort of
27:56 talk about ideas in these like abstract ways, kind of like, this is what I think about this,
28:02 whatever.
28:03 But in the book, it's very much taking form as like, obviously, it's a memoir.
28:09 So it's like these stories that I have, like so many stories that I just have never told.
28:16 And I'm a comedian, so they're obviously funny, but they are also very sad.
28:22 But that's the concept of the book.
28:24 It's called I'm laughing because I'm crying, which is like, you know, obviously very popular
28:31 thing that a lot of comedians talk about, you know, a lot of our comedy comes from trauma.
28:36 But not only do I talk about my own life and things that happened to me that are sad and
28:40 funny, but I also I talk about generationally where that came from, because it's like I
28:49 could trace it back to my family members through stories from my mom.
28:55 And so there's a little bit of that in there.
28:59 And this concept, or this practice of making yourself laugh, because if you don't laugh,
29:06 you're gonna cry.
29:07 And then you just end up doing both like where that comes from in my family, you know, as
29:13 well as just like, I think, funny, funny stories about, you know, growing up as an Asian person.
29:19 And, you know, I think I like talk about stuff about certain aspects of specifically Korean
29:27 culture in a way that I have not seen.
29:30 And I think it's really funny.
29:31 And I think it'll be like relatable, hopefully, but I don't know.
29:37 I know it will be.
29:38 It's gonna be awesome.
29:39 I can't wait to read it.
29:43 I think it's really awesome that you like draw the dots between your mom's behavior
29:48 and like, trauma that she's experienced, because I feel like that generation of people that
29:54 come from East Asia, like all of them just horribly traumatized, you know?
29:59 So traumatized.
30:00 Yes.
30:01 Oh, my God.
30:03 That's a whole other level.
30:04 I feel like those poor people.
30:07 Yeah.
30:08 Yeah.
30:09 So, I mean, in a way, it's like, you know, you can't excuse the behavior, but at the
30:15 same time, it makes sense, like why they're like that.
30:17 You know what I mean?
30:18 Yeah.
30:19 The funny thing is, I have this like, desire to want to be funny because of that.
30:25 You know what I mean?
30:26 Like my mom was always like, she's always, she's her personality.
30:28 We have very similar personalities.
30:30 She's a Leo.
30:32 And so she takes up even more room than I do.
30:36 But she developed that part of her personality as a survival mechanism, you know?
30:40 Right.
30:41 Exactly.
30:42 And she taught me, she taught it to me as a survival mechanism.
30:44 Because for Asian women, that's like what you have to do.
30:47 You have to be pretty and then not talk or, I don't know, be funny.
30:52 Exactly.
30:53 Well, it was so great to be able to talk to you today, Youngmi, and thank you so much
30:57 for being here.
30:58 Oh, thank you.
30:59 Thank you so much to Youngmi for taking the time to chat with me.
31:06 And don't worry, Youngmi and I did not fight to the death after the recording ended.
31:11 If you'd like to hear more from her, you can find her on social media, on Twitter,
31:15 Instagram, and TikTok at @ymmayer and on her podcast, Harry Butthole, which is available
31:21 exclusively on JoySauce.
31:24 Youngmi is also writing a book called I'm Laughing Because I'm Crying, which is set
31:27 to publish in 2025.
31:31 Ready for more unpacking?
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32:04 This has been Unpacked, a production of Afar Media.
32:07 The podcast is produced by Aislinn Green and Nikki Galteland.
32:11 Music composition by Chris Collin.
32:13 And remember, the world is complicated.
32:15 We're here to help you unpack it.
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