Unpacked: S2, E27: Should I Give Money to Panhandlers While Traveling?

AFAR

In her inaugural advice column, Dr. Anu Taranath answered a reader’s question about what to do, as a traveler, when faced with panhandling. In this episode of Unpacked, Dr. Anu expands on her answer and shares how to navigate the situation with dignity and grace—for all involved.  Read the transcript here: https://rebrand.ly/y62dr2g  Discover more episodes of the Unpacked by AFAR podcast here: https://www.afar.com/podcasts/unpacked  ---- CONNECT WITH AFAR Afar.com is a digital and print magazine that publishes travel tips, guides, news, and stories: https://www.afar.com  Get updates on the latest articles, travel news, and more from AFAR by signing up for the AFAR newsletter: https://afar.com/newsletters  Follow AFAR on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AfarMedia Follow AFAR on Twitter: https://twitter.com/afarmedia Follow AFAR on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/afarmedia Follow AFAR on Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/afarmedia

Transcript

00:00 I'm Aisling Green, and this is Unpacked, the podcast that unpacks one tricky topic

00:08 in travel each week. And today, we are exploring a question that was raised in our Digital

00:14 Ethics column, also called Unpacked. Dr. Anu Taranath is our new columnist. She's a speaker,

00:21 facilitator, consultant, and educator who specializes in issues of racial equity and

00:26 social change. Dr. Anu is also the author of the book Beyond Guild Trips, Mindful Travel

00:33 in an Unequal World, which was actually selected by Over Magazine as one of the best 26 travel

00:38 books. It is a fantastic read, and what's cool about it is that it touches on many of

00:43 the issues that were raised by the very first question Dr. Anu answered in her Unpacked

00:47 column. Here's that question. Dear Unpacked, my husband and I traveled from Connecticut

00:53 to Colombia in April, and we had a wonderful time. While we were walking around Cartagena,

01:00 taking pictures of the city's famous doors, we were approached by a young mother and her

01:04 baby. She pointed at the baby and then her stomach, as if to say they were hungry, and

01:09 held out her palm. My heart broke. I remember being a young mother myself once, and I immediately

01:16 gave her all the pesos I had in my purse. My husband didn't say anything at the time,

01:20 but afterwards he told me that I helped fuel a bad industry. Did I do the right thing?

01:26 Signed, "Take my coins." We'll link to the column and Anu's response in our show

01:32 notes. But Anu sat down with us to unpack her answer. Let's hear what she had to say.

01:37 Anu, welcome back to Unpacked. It's so nice to see you again.

01:40 Dr. Anu Arora Thank you.

01:41 Dr. Beth Anu Arora Today we are going to be talking about your

01:44 recent column, the subject of your recent column, Panhandling. It's a big question.

01:49 I was curious to know your first, your initial reaction.

01:52 Dr. Beth Anu Arora I had to sit with it for a moment because

01:57 I think for many of us travelers, this is a very familiar question. I'm sure it resonated

02:02 with many afar readers, and it has resonated with my traveling life for as far as I can

02:08 remember. And it's a question that's heartbreaking. We see ourselves in others. It's also a heartbreaking

02:16 question because it forces us to collide with some of these larger concepts of inequity

02:23 in the world. What does it mean to live in an unequal world? It's not okay, but how do

02:28 we handle this? How do we hold it? How do we navigate it?

02:31 Dr. Beth Anu Arora It's kind of like we're going from the macro

02:34 to the micro, right? Like macro issues of inequality in this one moment. And I was curious

02:41 to know why you think this particular situation provokes such discomfort. Like some people

02:47 want to ignore the person and walk away, others want to give them everything they have. Like

02:51 what do you think is going on internally when we are faced with this?

02:56 Dr. Beth Anu Arora Faced with this, we often short circuit.

02:59 It's one thing to understand on a macro level that the world is unequal. But when that inequity

03:08 looks you in the eyes and points to her belly and points to her child, it puts you and I

03:17 and the many others who have navigated this moment, it puts us in a very different position.

03:23 It's much more visceral. You can't quite shut it off. It's right there in front of you.

03:29 And the thing is, is that the inequities of the world are literally right there in front

03:35 of us all the time, even if it might not be in the poignant, dramatic moment of the young

03:41 mother pointing to her belly. And yet in order to live in an unequal world, we can't actually

03:49 be thinking of the inequities all the time. There's only so much that the human brain

03:54 can take. And there's only so much that the human heart can take, right? The unequal world

04:00 makes us have to selectively pay attention to what's in front of us, right? And that's

04:07 disturbing, of course. And yet that's kind of how we are. We operate from having the

04:16 veil over our eyes to suddenly being able to peek through it and get a sense of other

04:24 people's realities.

04:26 - What makes me wonder, at home, wherever this traveler is from, would they have reacted

04:32 in the same way? Was it also because they were in a different country and you're noticing

04:37 more that she kind of even reacted this way?

04:41 - That's a really insightful observation. And I have noticed in my own travels and as

04:47 I work with groups of travelers, that we are often somehow more raw when we are away from

04:58 home and we are somehow more calloused and hardened when we are in our familiar. And

05:07 that's partly the glory of travel, right? To make us raw and open and fresh so we can

05:13 see new things and feel new things. What would it mean to soften that up a little bit at

05:18 home so it's not only when I am abroad that I can feel deeply, whether I give the woman

05:26 money or not, but that I can feel deeply that moment of connection, being on opposite sides

05:35 of equity and inequity. Those are uncomfortable truths and they make us uncomfortable. No

05:42 wonder we harden ourselves to them at home, no?

05:46 - Absolutely. And like you said, it's hard to sit with that day in and day out. And so

05:51 it may be easier to shut that part of your heart or brain off if you see it on a daily

05:56 basis. What do you think about her response, giving the money?

06:02 - I think it's a perfectly fine response, what she's done, giving the woman money and

06:08 emptying her pockets of pesos at that moment. I too have given money to people that have

06:15 asked me both at home and when I am traveling. I also sometimes do not give when I am at

06:22 home or when I am traveling. And I have over the years learned to be less harsh on myself

06:31 for finding the quote right answer or right response to an unfathomable situation that

06:39 doesn't really yield one particular right answer. I've also learned over the years to

06:49 stay with the micro, stay with the woman who's in front of me or the person who's in front

06:54 of me. And also I've learned to kind of pan back and think, what are the larger systems

06:59 that are at play in this moment that gives rise to this incident that's happening here?

07:06 I think if people had other choices, they would make other choices, right?

07:10 - Yes, a hundred percent. I mean, no matter the backstory, I imagine most people would

07:15 not choose to be in the situation. It sounds like you're saying if someone feels motivated

07:21 in any situation to give some money, there's no real harm in that. I did wonder what you

07:26 think about giving alternatives to money. One of the things that I've always struggled

07:32 with is when you stop at a light and there's someone there who has a sign up and they're

07:35 asking for money or food or a ride. And it's hard to just be in your car in that moment

07:40 and feeling like I'm just going to drive away or I don't have anything to offer. But grandmother

07:44 for that reason would actually have like a box of snacks in her car. And anytime she

07:49 saw anyone, she would give a granola bar or I think she had tuna fish packets or something.

07:55 So what do you think about giving something like that as an alternative to giving money?

08:02 - Again, without knowing the backstory or the particular struggle of the person in front

08:09 of us, it's hard to ascertain what the right response is. Some people would really appreciate

08:15 the snacks that your grandmother so lovingly handed out. I love that idea. I've also met

08:21 people who are not interested in the granola bar that I or you or your grandmother would

08:25 offer them and instead are looking for some money so they can do what they need with it.

08:33 Again, because we don't know that husband's hesitation and the question about, you know,

08:40 is this a bad industry? It gives rise to a lot of suspicion in us of, hmm, what are you

08:45 using this money for? Maybe it's quote better or more ethical or more moral if I give you

08:54 the granola bar or the sandwich and not give you the three bucks or five bucks that you

09:00 might want instead. Who knows what you're going to use it for? We become in some moments,

09:07 perhaps a morality police wanting to encourage the person in front of us to make quote the

09:14 right choice. And so the sandwich or the granola bar feels like an easier contribution than

09:23 money that is somewhat mysterious. What will you use it for? Will you be responsible? You

09:30 know, nobody's checking with us. Are we using our money responsibly? Right? And many of

09:35 us are not. Right. But in those moments, we get to be a moral judge and jury when we are

09:43 distributing our compassion and our compassion has strings to it. Right. There are strings

09:49 attached to it. So. Again, I'm not quite sure of the right answer for any of this. Sometimes

09:57 we'll feel satisfied with what we've done. Other times we'll think, oh, that was so dumb

10:03 and that was useless and oh, I should have done something else. And that too will happen.

10:10 And we take a breath and we remind ourselves and one another, we did not make the world

10:16 that we live in. This inequity that I'm navigating and traveling through is much longer and much

10:24 more systemic than simply my choice at that intersection, whether I give the person the

10:30 granola bar, the sandwich or the $4.

10:33 Yeah. And that's such a good point about conditions being attached or falling into that place

10:40 of morality police. I think that if you are going to give money, it has to be without

10:45 strings. And then food can get into that kind of tricky place of like, where are you coming

10:51 from and what are you, what are you motivated by? I think that's a really good thing to

10:56 examine. What about contributing to larger organizations within the city? Like if there

11:02 was a, you know, an organization in Cartagena that's trying to help people kind of exit

11:06 poverty. Do you have thoughts about that?

11:08 Yeah, this really connects to some of my life values around this conversation. That to me,

11:17 if you have more than you need, which is many of us, I think it is our obligation and the

11:26 gift to share wherever I am in the world. If I have the wonderful experience of being

11:32 able to travel somewhere, part of my due diligence around my travel is to learn about the space

11:41 that I'm going to within reason, of course, but I try to learn about some of the broader

11:48 social issues and the larger social dynamics that are playing out in that region. I ask

11:54 my friends and colleagues of the region, who's doing the kind of work that you admire? What

12:00 kind of organizations and groups are grappling with some of the thorny and tricky questions

12:06 that are playing out in your community? I'm engaged in those kinds of discussions here

12:11 at home. Also, part of my traveling ethos is sharing what I have, which doesn't necessarily

12:20 mean giving to the woman in front of me who's asking or giving to the person at the street

12:28 corner who's asking. I know that my strategy can sometimes include that, but it can also

12:35 include some of these larger systemic organizations and groups that are working at the institutional

12:41 level to provide more opportunity and dignity for more of us. Again, there's no one right

12:47 answer for some of this. The more levels we are able to engage on that micro level, on

12:56 that macro level, on the individual heart level, on the intellectual level, that's when

13:04 I think that we're approaching, if not the right answer, at least a better answer for

13:13 these tricky questions.

13:14 Yeah. I mean, this reader, it sounds like she took this opportunity to kind of reflect

13:20 on the situation and maybe it's a jumping off point for her to look at some bigger issues

13:25 or do some research or kind of examine things in a different way. So, even the fact that

13:29 she's asking about, "Did I 'do the right thing'?" It sounds like in the moment, okay, that was

13:34 fine and now what?

13:37 Absolutely. Any of these moments can be a jumping off point, right? Our lives are filled

13:43 with glory and despair, close to home and far away from home, and especially the more

13:51 we start engaging with people's stories who are both like us and unlike us, we start realizing

13:57 the complexity of the world that we live in. And any of these moments that make us uncomfortable

14:03 or that make us pause or that make us question, "Did I do the right thing?" All of those are

14:09 beautiful jumping off points to take a moment and consider, "What are my values? Who do

14:16 I want to be in the world?"

14:18 (Music)

14:30 Bringing it back to kind of your own experience, this reader shared a very personal story and

14:36 I wanted to know what are some of your experiences that you've had around people asking for money

14:41 or other things as you've traveled?

14:44 I was in Dakar in Senegal, West Africa, and I was with two colleagues of mine. One is

14:52 a white woman, one is a black African-American woman, and I am a South Asian-American brown

15:02 woman. So we were white, brown, and black together, the three of us, walking in a market

15:10 in Dakar, and three men came up to us and started asking us for some money. We smiled

15:19 and shook our head and continued, and they followed us for some time. Two of them left,

15:26 but one of them kept on following us. And after the first few moments, started saying

15:31 very loudly, "Are you racist? Is that why you're not giving money? You are racist, aren't

15:39 you?" And it was a really complicated gut punch of a moment for the three of us. We

15:47 were, you know, we are three educators who work on issues of race and imagine ourselves

15:54 to be, quote, "on the good side" of these issues. And we turned around and my black

16:00 colleague said, "I am black like you. What are you talking about? No, it's not about

16:06 being racist. I just don't want to give money right now." And they got into a discussion

16:14 where the Senegalese man said over and over again, "You must be racist, which is why

16:20 you're not giving me some money." And later, my two colleagues and I, once the charge of

16:27 the moment kind of dissipated and we had some time to think through the incident, we thought

16:34 it was a brilliant strategy on the part of the Senegalese man to really have Americans

16:44 confront guilt, shame, history, and inequity with a phrase and a statement that most people

16:54 on any side of the Atlantic will pause. Right? And nobody that I know wants to be called

17:04 a racist. And if we are called a racist, we have to pause. And we have this volcano of

17:12 feelings that often come up, whether it's shame and guilt, whether it's defensiveness,

17:18 whether it's denial. And I wondered if I could meet this man again, I would love to

17:26 have a conversation with him to ask, "Where did you learn that this would be the right

17:32 strategy for you? How has it worked for you?" I'm so curious to learn more from him about

17:39 in his relations with foreigners in his community, how that works. What kinds of responses has

17:48 he seen? Do lots of foreigners give because they can't really fathom the fact that this

17:54 Senegalese man would think that they're racist and so suddenly they pull out their wallet?

18:01 Or do people feel so uncomfortable that they quickly sprint away and hope nobody has heard

18:08 what he said? So, you know, I've had a lot of moments like the reader's question where

18:13 an individual asks for money, points to their belly, points to a child. I've also had experiences

18:20 where people have come up and, you know, especially when I am in India, I'm sitting in an open

18:25 auto rickshaw. And, you know, there are folks that come around and beg and say very clearly,

18:32 "If you don't give me, we will curse you." And so really thinking about, "Hmm, what are

18:39 the stakes?" Suddenly the stakes have been raised here. And it's the same strategy of

18:44 that one Senegalese man who really raised the stakes by calling attention to race. In

18:51 that particular moment in the market in Dakar, my two colleagues and I, we did not give to

18:56 the man, even after he called us racist. And we continued on our way. But the moment has

19:03 sat with me for the last few years. And it's one that I keep coming back to when I'm really

19:07 grappling with the stories that we tell about who we are or who others are, the ways that

19:16 we might use race in sometimes helpful or not so helpful ways to get what we want. It's

19:24 a moment that felt very unsettling when it was taking place. And even narrating it to

19:31 you years later, it feels really unsettling.

19:34 I can just feel how uncomfortable that must have been for you three. It's interesting

19:39 that your colleague dialogued with him.

19:42 I loved the moment because the three of us as Americans were very differently positioned

19:47 as Americans, white woman, black woman, brown woman. His statement landed on the three of

19:53 us very differently. We all shared a sense of shock and discomfort. But because of our

20:00 own histories around race and racism, it allowed us to have a very deep dialogue later that

20:06 day about it.

20:08 It's a really powerful story. Thank you for sharing it. Is there anything else you'd

20:12 like to share with readers for the next time they might face the situation? Because we

20:15 will all be there again, right? Likely sooner rather than later.

20:20 The more strategies we have, the better we'll be able to navigate what's in front of us.

20:27 I think it's good for us to have a couple of granola bars in our car to pass out. It's

20:33 good for us to have some small change at home and when we're traveling for those moments

20:38 where we feel like, yes, I do want to give some actual money to the person in front of

20:43 me and for us to pull back and to think systemically about both the community that we're a part

20:52 of as well as the communities that we travel to and to align ourselves with others who

21:00 are working to create more dignity and opportunity for people in their lives.

21:07 So again, if there's anything that people leave with, there's no one right answer to

21:14 this. There are a range of responses that we can explore individually and together.

21:23 And the more honest we are about the discomfort that we feel in those moments, the better

21:30 able we will be to navigate the next moment, the next moment, and the one after that.

21:40 And that was a version of Dr. Anu Taranath's response. As I mentioned, we'll link to the

21:45 column in our show notes. You can explore more of Dr. Anu's work at anu taranath.com

21:52 and we'll also link to her book, Beyond Guilt Trips in our show notes. And if you have a

21:55 question that you would like Dr. Anu to address, please email us at unpacked@afar.com. We'd

22:01 love to include your question on a future show. Thanks for listening. We'll see you

22:05 next week.

22:08 Ready for more unpacking? Visit afar.com and be sure to follow us on Instagram and Twitter.

22:13 We're @AfarMedia.

22:15 If you enjoyed today's exploration, I hope you'll come back for more great stories. Subscribing

22:20 makes this easy. You can find Unpacked on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or your favorite

22:25 podcast platform. And be sure to rate and review the show. It helps other travelers

22:30 find it. This season, we also want to hear from you. Is there a travel dilemma, trend,

22:36 or topic you'd like us to explore? Email us at unpacked@afar.com.

22:41 This has been Unpacked, a production of Avar Media. The podcast is produced by Aislinn

22:46 Green and Nikki Galteland. Music composition by Chris Gollin. And remember, the world is

22:51 complicated. We're here to help you unpack it.

22:55 [music]

22:58 [silence]

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