Your partner cheats on you in three ways || Acharya Prashant

Acharya Prashant

Video Information: Myth Demolition tour, 14.2.20, Rishikesh, Uttarakhand, India  Context: ~ Why people obsessed with bodily concern? ~ Why do people cheat in relationship? ~ What is cheating in a relationship at different plane?  Music Credits: Milind Date ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Transcript

00:00 I just want to ask, I don't know how to how we put, what is, I don't know if it is a valid

00:17 question or not. So what is physical cheating and what is mentally cheating? I mean in a

00:23 relationship of course I'm telling this. So if two person are in a relationship and if

00:29 one is cheating on the other physically obviously and still wants to be with that one, this

00:38 is the one kind of cheating and the second one which we, the two couples are living for

00:44 a very long time and still the one or the other or the both in their mind or in their

00:51 fantasy world, they want to you know just be the other person like if I and this person

01:00 is committed I just fantasize being with that person. So is it that not, like this is not

01:07 called cheating or only the physical cheating if somebody goes and do something is called

01:12 cheating and what is, I mean. See your definition of cheating describes the plane on which your

01:25 relationship exists. The relationship could be on one of these three planes broadly. The

01:37 relationship could be on a spiritual plane, it could be on a mental plane, it could be

01:41 on a physical plane and cheating is possible on all three planes. Cheating is possible

01:49 on all three planes. What is a relationship on the physical plane? You give me pleasure,

02:00 I give you pleasure and to ensure an uninterrupted and secured supply of physical pleasure, you

02:11 remain physically committed to me and I remain physically committed to you. What do I want

02:16 from you? Pleasure, physical pleasure and we are committed to each other. What does

02:21 this commitment now mean? You must be there when I need pleasure from you because our

02:26 relationship is physical. We exist in each other's lives to scratch each other's itch.

02:35 So it should not happen that on one particular night I have the itch and I don't find you

02:43 by my bedside. That should not happen. So the commitment practically means you should

02:49 be there when I need your body and now what is cheating on this level? I needed you but

02:59 you are somewhere else and that's cheating. That's a violation of the physical contract.

03:08 What is cheating in simple terms? A violation of a contract. Two parties agree to something

03:19 and then one of them goes back on the agreement, reneges. That's called cheating. So if the

03:26 relationship exists purely on the physical domain, then you will be greatly offended

03:34 if you find your partner sleeping around with somebody else because that was everything

03:42 that there was to that relationship. The body, the relationship was all about the body and

03:48 the body is with somebody else. I have been cheated. FIR. 100% of the relationship was

03:59 about the body and the body is now somewhere else. So the relationship has been 100% destroyed

04:09 because 100% of it was about the body. If you are very offended, if you are absolutely

04:19 offended, if you find someone physically with someone else, then that only means that your

04:29 relationship itself is absolutely physical. Are you getting it? If you are absolutely

04:37 offended, if you find your friend, your partner, whatsoever, with somebody else in the physical

04:45 sense, then that feeling of absolute offense implies that the relationship itself is absolutely

04:53 physical. Then there is a mental relationship. In the mental relationship, there is an exchange

05:01 of emotions. I am emotionally related to you. It's a romantic relationship. Right? You

05:11 do good things for me. I do good things for you. Not necessarily in the physical way.

05:17 You bring me stuff. I cook something for you. You take me places. I say nice things to you.

05:29 Sometimes you click me in a cool pose. Sometimes I sing a song for you. That kind of a relationship.

05:45 Now in this relationship, what is it to cheat? In this kind of a relationship, what is the

05:51 agreement all about? You keep doing things that please me mentally. Maybe not so much

06:01 physically, but surely mentally. So you keep doing things that please me mentally. And

06:08 I'll keep reciprocating by doing stuff that pleases you mentally. We'll be each other's

06:17 ego friends. I boost your ego, you please my ego. What is it to cheat in this kind of

06:26 a relationship? Why did you offend me? I asked you, am I looking fat? And you said yes. This

06:34 is cheating. Weren't we supposed to say nice things to each other? Why did you tell me

06:42 that I have no awareness, that I have read nothing, that I don't know how to relate

06:55 with anybody in the world? You're not supposed to say these things. Neither am I, of course.

07:04 It's an agreement. So now that's cheating. And where there is cheating, there is anger

07:11 and violence. So in this kind of an emotional relationship, the moment you say something

07:17 bad to the other, it's cheating and you'll be met with a lot of aggression. You'll be

07:30 delivered blows. Why did you say such things? Why did you not look kindly at me? I bought

07:42 this new wonder dress and you ignored me. Cheating. And obviously, on this plane, if

08:05 you find someone going around with someone else, that too is offensive to the ego. So

08:11 that too is cheating. But this kind of mutual mental pleasure giving would not be a part

08:22 of a purely physical relationship. There you really don't want to say good things to

08:29 the other. Relationship is purely physical and mind you, such relationships do exist.

08:34 And they exist in greater abundance than we might conceive. In those relationships, people

08:42 do not even say good things to each other. They just undress. There is no need to say

08:47 anything. Just get in the bed. That's all. I don't want to hear my praise from you.

08:55 I'm not here to share emotions with you. Neither am I here to write a poem in praise

09:04 of your divine beauty. We are here to fuck and that's it. That's physical relationship.

09:12 In emotional relationship, before you fuck, you say nice things to each other. Right?

09:19 So otherwise it looks quite horrible and you need to have some face saving mechanism. How

09:26 do we just get on with it? So let's have that first mandatory half an hour of whatever

09:31 you call it. Knowing fully well that this half an hour is just an alibi. You are constantly

09:40 looking at the clock. Let those 30 minutes be completed so that we can get on with business.

09:52 And then there is relationship on the spiritual plane. Here the primary relationship is not

10:02 with each other. Here the primary relationship is with something else. You are committed

10:10 to something. Let's call it as something. He too is committed to something. And the

10:21 two of you are together because this togetherness will take you both to that something. This

10:31 is a spiritual relationship in which two people are together not for the sake of each other

10:35 but for the sake of that something. Now what is cheating? Now cheating is not about whether

10:46 you deceived me or whether I deceived you. Now cheating is about whether either or both

10:52 of us deceive that something. Now I won't stay with you for a second if I find you not

10:59 loyal to that something. You do not need to be loyal to me. I neither demand nor deserve

11:06 your loyalty. But I surely want that you need to be loyal to that something. And if I find

11:14 you being disloyal to that something, then you have had it. You don't want to please

11:24 me no problem. Even I am not here to please you. Chances are I will do stuff that's

11:31 not going to please you because in going towards that something, the ego has to take a beating.

11:40 You won't usually happily and agreeably move towards that something. So if I am to

11:47 help you, assist you, move towards that something, I'll have to push you against your wishes.

11:54 You'll resist. Not always maybe but mostly. So obviously this is not a relationship in

12:03 which there is mutual exchange of pleasure. We are not pleasing each other, right? What

12:09 are we doing? We are pushing each other. We are assisting each other. We are helping

12:13 each other. Some people say that's the best way to say we are loving each other. But then

12:20 that's not the commonly accepted definition. Only some weird spiritualists feel that that

12:27 is the right definition of love. What is that right definition of love? We both are pushing

12:35 each other towards that something. What is that something? Some people call it truth,

12:40 some call it liberation, some call it realization, some call it joy. On our own, we probably

12:50 won't reach there independently, right? Because even though I do have a desire to reach there,

13:00 yet I have my tendencies, I have my inertia, I have my laziness and I have my ready excuses.

13:10 So on my own, I would have raised some story and said, you know, today again I cannot move

13:16 in that direction because I have something else more important to take care of. But when

13:21 you are there, you call me out. You expose my lies and that's your place in my life.

13:30 That's your contribution in my life. You call my bluff. You do not let me remain my usual

13:37 tardy self. And that's exactly how I reciprocate. I do not let you remain who you are and who

13:46 you are usually is not someone you would want to remain. Even you agree that you do not

13:59 want to remain who you are. Yet there is a tremendous inertia, sloth. My role is to keep

14:09 nudging you, pushing you, sometimes gently prodding you and sometimes kicking you hard

14:17 in the butt. That's my role in your life. This is a spiritual relationship. This is

14:25 love on the spiritual plane. And we have already discussed what is meant by cheating on this

14:32 plane. What is cheating? Now I entered your life so that we may both move towards that

14:39 something. Instead you got attached to me. Now this is cheating. Now this is a very inverted

14:46 definition of cheating. On the physical and emotional planes, it was cheating when you

14:53 were looking at somebody else. On the spiritual plane, it is cheating when you are looking

14:58 at me. How dare you look at me? Am I not your lover? You are not supposed to look at your

15:03 lover. You are supposed to look only at that something. If you look at me, you are cheating

15:10 on me. Don't look at me. No? The more you look at me, the more you are guilty of adultery

15:23 because he is the real target. He is the one we both have to go to. So we both have to

15:30 look only at him. We don't have to look at each other. We are fellow passengers, co-passengers.

15:42 You're traveling alongside each other. We are not traveling to each other. We have a

15:48 shared destination and we are together only so that we may more easily, more practically

15:55 reach that shared destination. This is spiritual affinity. Getting it? So your definition of

16:09 cheating tells of who you are. If the relationship is primarily spiritual, it won't really matter

16:21 to you whether you are able to arrest that person's body or not. You will say your body

16:31 is not my concern. The body anyway does not ever reach anywhere. It is not the body that

16:39 wants to reach that something. So do whatever you want to do with your body. I won't object.

16:47 Not my concern. My bigger concern is something else and I need to take care of that.

16:59 So why it is like people are obsessed with that only bodily concern or bodily cheating

17:05 like if two person are madly loving with each other like for years, 8-9 years and suddenly

17:13 one finds out that he cheated on her or him. All the love and everything vanished and they

17:20 started looking at that person, that he started looking at that person or she started looking

17:24 at that person. As an enemy. Yeah. So just one thing, I am just confused about it that

17:31 only that physicality or the body is that much important to... That only shows that

17:37 for the last 8 years, the relationship was only physical. If for the reason of a physical

17:46 transgression, the relationship can collapse, then the relationship itself was just physical.

17:53 What else? Is the conclusion not obvious? You have had relationships since 8 years and

18:04 then one fine day you find that your partner has been sleeping with somebody else. You

18:09 are so outraged that you break up. What does that tell about the relationship? That the

18:18 physical part was absolutely central to that relationship. It's just that, you know, one

18:24 feels a little guilty, a little ashamed of accepting that 99.99% of our relationships

18:37 are just sexual. So we cover it up with fancy names. Covering it up with fancy names, we

18:48 somehow manage to convince ourselves as well that the relationship is not just physical.

18:57 But all that self-deception falls into pieces when you have instances like these, you know,

19:07 instances of cheating and such things. It was just physical. That's how animals relate,

19:20 don't they? Yeah, we are animals. We are animals. And animals can get extremely violent

19:32 if they discover their mate being stolen away. There was one board I once read. It said how

19:47 to be cautious of dogs. It particularly warned against disturbing dogs on two or three occasions.

19:59 One when they are having their food. Second, when they are fighting among themselves, when

20:06 they are angry. And third, when they are mating. Don't disturb them at that point. Even the

20:15 most emaciated kind of dog will leap at your throat like a lion if it is in the process

20:26 of lovemaking. That's how our relationships are as well. We are fundamentally animals.

20:36 But we are very cunning animals. Animals do not try to obfuscate their intentions. Dogs

20:47 do it on roads. And no dog first allures the bitch with gifts or promises or rounds or

21:13 stuff over the fire or holy chants. All that doesn't happen. The dog knows what it wants,

21:24 the bitch knows what it wants and they just get over it quite quickly. Done and dusted.

21:33 Human beings spend five years, seven years in courtship knowing fully well that the objective

21:43 is just one. But neither the man nor the woman, assuming it's a man-woman relationship,

21:54 would dare confess it to the other. Especially not in India. And especially not if you are

22:04 a woman. You cannot tell the man, "All I want is your body." Here is a hint, the

22:19 man won't be offended. Even if he's an Indian. It's far better to be honest. Very,

22:34 very rare are relationships on a higher plane. We have moved out of the jungle, but within

22:42 we remain animals. And it's been not a long time since we migrated out of the jungle,

22:55 look at the entire evolutionary history. We are pretty recent immigrants. So the jungle

23:05 is very much alive and kicking within us. See?

23:09 [Music]

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