Video Information: NIT-Trichy, 06.04.2024, Greater Noida
Context:
~ What exactly constitutes an act of cheating?
~ Why are people obsessed with bodily concern?
~ Why do people cheat in relationship?
~ Is cheating just related to bodily relations?
~ Is physical cheating the most significant issue in a relationship?
Music Credits: Milind Date
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Context:
~ What exactly constitutes an act of cheating?
~ Why are people obsessed with bodily concern?
~ Why do people cheat in relationship?
~ Is cheating just related to bodily relations?
~ Is physical cheating the most significant issue in a relationship?
Music Credits: Milind Date
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Category
📚
LearningTranscript
00:00Namaste Acharya ji. Namaste. I am Julie Kumari from an ITPG. Actually I have one question
00:08for my friend. She didn't want to reveal her identity. She just want to ask that what should
00:15we do if a partner is cheating on her. And with this my question is that when should
00:22we decide that we should stop putting efforts in a relationship and let the other person
00:28go even for friendship. Means not only for relationship even for any kind of relationship.
00:39What is the definition of cheating? Cheating by its very sound conveys something inauspicious,
00:48something harmful, unethical. What is the definition of cheating? In her case, it's
01:01like committing to her that means a commitment to her while. Commitment of what nature? What
01:12does it mean to be with someone else? Means if I am committing someone that I will be
01:20totally the commitment will means my commitment is for you. Commitment of what kind? Commitment
01:28of money what? I will be for you. In what way? In what way I will be for you? In a
01:40romantic way. What does romance mean? I want to understand. When we say I am committed
01:56and when I say the fellow is cheating, what exactly does the act of cheating comprise
02:04of? When do you conclusively know that a fellow is cheating? If I am not true to that person?
02:12No, no these are big words. Let's come to the fact. What is the very definition of cheating?
02:23If somebody lies to you, would you say he is cheating? Come on. Your husband or wife lies
02:31to you all the time. That's a fact. Do you say the fellow is cheating? No. Even kids lie to
02:40their parents all the time. Are they cheating? What is the definition of cheating? And why do
02:46you want to avoid the obvious definition? The fellow is with someone in a physical way. The
03:04fellow is sleeping with someone. That's what you call as cheating. Right? The fellow is sleeping
03:10with someone. Why did we avoid it for so long? Lies or romance, all that is not the thing. So a
03:23fellow is with someone else and that's breaking the commitment. The commitment that was a part
03:29of the marriage vows. So what were the marriage vows about then? What is the whole institution
03:36of marriage about then? If cheating is about having sex with someone and that breaks the
03:40commitment of marriage, then what is the marriage about? What is the marriage about? Will we take
03:52an equal length of time when again coming to the obvious? What is marriage about then?
03:58Yes, that I will be with you only. No, with you. What does it mean with you only? Let's use the
04:03word sex. So marriage basically means that now onwards I will have sex only with you. Was this
04:12a clear understanding? Yes. Was this a clear understanding that marriage basically means
04:17nothing else but that I will have sex only with you? And if that is the foundation of marriage,
04:24it's a very shaky foundation because sex is not merely physical. More often than not you will not
04:34even discover when your spouse is having non-physical sex with someone. What else is
04:41pornography? Do married people don't watch porn? That too would come under the definition of
04:46cheating. Do married people not enjoy an actress's body on the silver screen? You are watching a
04:54movie with your husband or your girlfriend. Is he not enjoying all the gyrations on the screen
05:00and the way she is going about doing her attractive and less serious business? That
05:08too is cheating by that definition. Marriage that is founded on the body itself is bound
05:21to suffer from cheating. And that is the punishment such a marriage deserves. Why did
05:30you marry on the foundation of the body alone? What you are saying is our marriage means you
05:36have sex with me, I have sex with you and it's exclusive. You will not go to someone else,
05:40I'll not go to someone else. You can have such an agreement but this agreement cannot last.
05:46But the breaking of this kind of agreement will give a lot of pain. That pain is the punishment.
06:03It's a punishment for not understanding where that kind of agreement came from in the first
06:12place. Why will I go to someone and say your job now in life is to have sex only with me?
06:20It's such an indecent thing to say to someone. Today onwards you will have sex only with me and
06:30in return I'll have sex only with you. It's a highly vulgar thing to say to someone. Why did
06:37you start off in this particular way? That's the question in the first place. And if you will
06:42start off in this way, you will meet the pain of cheating. And I said cheating is not merely
06:51when you are caught sleeping with the neighbor's wife or with the pizza delivery boy. You know
06:58what I mean. Men will understand better. Everybody is cheating all the time. Just that
07:09some forms of cheating are more tolerable. You cannot keep objecting to everything. You went
07:16with your hubby to the market and he was found peeping down the sales girl's cleavage. You cannot
07:23serve him a divorce notice merely on that because he is anyway doing that all the time. Even with
07:30the housemaid he is doing the same thing. Is that not cheating? This kind of cheating is the
07:41punishment for not understanding where our social institutions are coming from. If a man and woman
07:49have to be together, they must be together on the foundation of love and friendship. Not on
07:56the basis of this kind of a vulgar commitment. And if love is really fulfilling, if friendship
08:07is really uplifting, you find that most probably the two people will have fewer and fewer reasons
08:17to look elsewhere. If I am already fulfilled and you know who I am, I am an unfulfilled
08:28consciousness in the first place. If I am with someone who is serving to fulfill my deepest
08:37need which is not sex. Man's deepest need is not sexual. By man I mean both man and woman,
08:44our deepest need is the veiling of our consciousness, the unfulfilled consciousness.
08:54So bring someone into your life who serves to heal your consciousness and then you will find
09:05that you have as we said fewer reasons to look towards other people. But if you will
09:14marry someone just on the basis of the body, that fellow is 99% certain to look for other
09:28bodies as well. Because one body can never satisfy anybody. Thousand bodies,
09:37even they cannot satisfy anybody. Because satisfaction cannot come from bodies. Even
09:46thousand bodies will not suffice. What do you think? One extra marital affair brings
09:54the need to have affairs to a closure? No. It's a spree, extra marital spree,
10:07not one extra marital affair. Because your wife didn't satisfy you or your husband didn't satisfy
10:15you. Even the neighbor's wife cannot satisfy you. You go to some other country and find five other
10:21women. Even they cannot satisfy you. Nobody. Because your satisfaction belongs to another
10:26dimension. Bodies cannot provide that. You are looking for someone else. But you married by
10:36looking at someone's body. At that moment the bodies were probably quite young and luscious.
10:46So you could extract a promise from the other. You look at my body. How do you find it? And he
10:56says top class. I will give you my body only if you do not look at other bodies. And the fellow
11:02will say fine, fine, fine. In that moment of physical excitation, probably he will give you
11:08that promise. You have extracted it from him. But that promise will be very easily forgotten.
11:16Because how much can the body amount to? The problem is the marriage itself. An even deeper
11:34problem is the one who is marrying. Not only is his marriage flawed, everything that he does is
11:42equally flawed. He does not know even how to buy socks. He does not know how to get the right pair
11:55of jeans for himself. How will he get the right wife for himself? This fellow who is going out
12:04in the market to marry is not well within. He does not know how to make choices. From the
12:10smallest choice to the biggest one, all his choices are flawed. And all his choices are
12:16physical. That's why they are flawed. Anything that he does is based on physicality. Marriage
12:26is based on physicality. And later on he starts crying. My wife is sleeping with someone else.
12:31There is no solution. This kind of cheating is the obvious result of the flawed arrangement
12:44called the blind marriage. I am not surprised when someone says my partner is cheating. I am
12:54surprised when someone says my partner is very loyal. How innocent are you? How innocent? May
13:02you stay innocent. As they say, ignorance is bliss. And those who have not managed to lay
13:17their hands on the neighbor's wife are just afraid of her husband. The moment the opportunity
13:26presents itself, nobody is going to resist it. Take it from me. Those who have managed to behave
13:38in a moral way are the ones who have been denied of opportunities. Given an opportunity, who would
13:46not avail it? Man, woman does not matter. Everybody except the one who is no more looking
13:57for a body. Be the one who is no more hunting for a body. And then neither will you stake an
14:11exclusive claim to your partner's body, nor would you be found running after your neighbor's wife.
14:20You would be free. Your partner would be free. And both of you would be holding your freedom
14:33very sacred. You will not want to use your freedom for something as frivolous as sleeping
14:41with someone. Sounds counterintuitive. Does it not? We believe that if we want to have moral
14:51action from a human being, we must put restrictions on him. Totally wrong. If you want ethical action
14:58from a human being, give him freedom. If you give him restrictions, the result will be cheating.
15:03If you give him freedom, the result will be celibacy. Celibacy is the natural and beautiful
15:14result of absolute freedom. When you have restrictions, then you want to somehow violate
15:21the restrictions. Don't you? In fact, the pleasure lies not in the neighbor's wife but in the fact
15:27that you could scale the fence and jump into her bedroom in the dead of the night and cheat her
15:35husband. If cheating has happened, you have actually cheated on her husband, not the wife.
15:41And that's where the pleasure lies. I could fool her husband. He didn't even know. Restrictions
15:52result in cheating. Freedom results in celibacy. What does freedom mean? I am already free. So,
16:03why must I use someone for fulfillment? All fulfillment is ultimately about freedom. If I
16:12am already free, why do I need to use someone to get fulfilled? Fulfillment and freedom are
16:19the same thing. I will now no more look at someone as a thing to be consumed. I am alright.
16:32And some part of this alrightness has probably come from this fellow I call as my husband or
16:44wife or friend or boyfriend or girlfriend. And I am grateful. I am grateful he or she could teach
16:53me something. But that should be the foundation of marriage. Marry someone who can teach you
17:02something. Marry someone you can look up to. Not someone you can bring down. Not someone you can
17:22just lay on the bed. Have someone who can teach you how to be awake. Not someone who intoxicates
17:40you. Are you getting this? This might sound bitter but take it from me. If you will bring
17:54a person in your life, marriage or no marriage, boyfriend or husband, just on the basis of the
18:04body, your punishment will be cheating. Cheating from both sides. He will cheat, you will cheat.
18:11And if you do not actively or physically cheat, you will get frustrated and you will vent your
18:17frustration on your husband. Have you heard of the term the henpecked husband? What does
18:25henpecked mean? Do you have some experience with a chicken or a hen or a rooster? When they get
18:35frustrated, they will come to you and start doing this. What is this? The beak. You won't really
18:43bleed. The beak is not all that sharp. But it still hurts. We had one, Jeetu. And he was so
18:52adept at doing this. He would just chase people and then. Henpecked husband. Why? Because typically
19:01the wives display more moral behaviors. Because they have been subjugated more throughout history.
19:08So the entire burden of morality is upon the woman. And the punishment is more severe for her
19:15if she deviates from the path of morality. So they are compelled to be more moral. So they
19:24don't physically cheat. Because they don't physically cheat, they get more frustrated. And then
19:34the pecking. I know it's a contentious statement and you can fight it all day. You may. But please
19:43understand. The body wants to have as many partners as possible. That's the command of the
19:53Badi Maa, Mother Nature. Marriage is social. Promiscuity is natural, physical. And what is
20:08social is a very small thing in front of what is prakritic, natural. Society may turn you,
20:17you know, be monogamous. But the mother herself is telling you, go and fuck around with as many
20:27people as possible. Whose commands will you obey? Now the only thing that can sublimate this
20:42tendency to keep looking for more and more bodies is inner fulfillment, self-realization,
20:56not marriage. Your association with the other person should be on the foundation of your inner
21:11fulfillment, not your body. Be with someone who will bring upliftment to your consciousness and
21:25be with someone who is vouched for by your uplifted consciousness. Are you getting it?
21:41If even your peak attentiveness endorses a person, then let that person enter your life. Usually it
21:58is our intoxicated selves that recommend a person. Does that not happen? Your highest self,
22:14your clearest self should vouch for a person and then that person should enter your life.
22:19And that person should enter your life on the promise that he is entering your life to uplift
22:29you. But that does not happen in marriages. As you sow, so shall you reap. If you married in a
22:44flawed way, you will have to suffer the curse of cheating and all those things. Remember,
22:57even if you get your partner in the most ideal way possible, it is still possible that the person
23:05actually physically goes towards someone. But now it would hardly matter because anyway your
23:14association with this person is not exclusively physical. First of all, the probability that this
23:19person will now roam around has reduced. But even if it does happen to be physically attracted to
23:29it will not be so painful now. Because physicality is now only a small part of the relationship,
23:365%. So even if that 5% is compromised, you will not be shattered. 95% of the relationship is
23:47about something else and nobody can spoil that 95%. So you are secure. Otherwise you see how
23:54insecure we are about our partners. Entire companies exist just to teach girlfriends
24:03how to break open the mobile phones of their boys. He will not even come to know and you can
24:13crack his password. Everybody is so deeply, yes of course, just Google for it. Because that mobile
24:25phone is the final thing in sleeping around. Everything is there. All the pics are there and
24:35the chats are there and recordings are there. So if you can somehow have a sneak peek into what's
24:43in there and if you do not share the password and whatever with your husband or boyfriend or
24:55girlfriend, then see how deeply insecure that person will feel. Surely there is something cooking.
25:03Why is he not showing me what's in there? This insecurity is so troubling, is it not?
25:17And this entire insecurity is about physical association. Will he sleep with someone else?
25:25Will he sleep with someone else? Is there a romance budding somewhere? Even romance is not a
25:33problem, you see. If the romance remains a romance, nobody will object that much. The problem is
25:39romances very quickly turn into sexual activity and if sex is everything, then you'll be deeply
25:49afraid of sexual activity happening somewhere. That's the problem. For most people, sex is
25:56everything. In most relationships, sex is everything. And what is sex? Our physical,
26:05animal nature coming from the primordial mother herself, Prakriti. We are beasts and for a beast,
26:18sex is a lot. If our marriages are based on sex alone, then they are very beastly affairs. Are
26:30they not? And we claim to be civilized people. If you tell someone, you know, marriage is based
26:36on sex alone, they'll say, no, no, it's about companionship in the old age. Come on, get real.
26:40Come on, come on. No, no, no. I'm just friends with my wife. It's not about sex at all. Even the
26:51law says that if you do not have sex for six months, you are entitled for divorce. Even the
27:00law says that the term consummation of marriage means sex. If you don't have sex with your wife,
27:05the marriage is not even supposed to be consummated. Even the law knows that sex is
27:11everything in a marriage. If your marriages are all about sex, then your marriages are just an
27:17expression of your beastly origins. And beasts we are by origin. Yes, we are. But why stay a beast?
27:28Why not sublimate? If you must have a person in your life, why can't that person be an agent for
27:38upliftment? A lot of people get very upset. The moment you say, what do you think? Why are you
27:50always talking of sex? My wife is my sister. Then why do you have a wife? Why must your partner be
28:02of the opposite sex? If your marriage is not about sex, then sir, why did you look for a woman?
28:07The very fundamental criteria is that you are looking for someone of the other sex. Then how
28:14is your marriage not about sex? Go and marry a man. But if someone marries a man, then you make
28:20fun of him. Is it not obvious? If someone can come to you looking at your body, that fellow will go
28:30to someone else as well looking at another body. Is it not? Come on. You go to buy a dress at a
28:42retail store. There is one particular dress you have finalized on. Suddenly some other dress catches
28:50your attention. What do you do? What do you do? You keep this one down and go and pick that one up.
28:58That's marriage. This one looked good for so long. Fine. Now that one looks good. But if that other
29:10one happens to exceed your budget, you will return to this one. Now that's called loyalty.
29:27If you are physical, if you are bodily, if you are beastly, no loyalty is possible.
29:34Don't even expect loyalty from someone who is not awakened within. Loyalty is not something so cheap
29:43that you can be loyal to your husband or wife on the basis of marriage vows. Loyalty is fundamentally
29:53spiritual. A fellow who dislikes the Gita, the Upanishads, Vedanta, how can this fellow be loyal to anybody?
30:03Yet in your ignorant and intoxicated state, you thought your boyfriend will treat you like a
30:15princess or a goddess and will worship you with great devotion and loyalty all his life. Why will
30:22he do that? Come on, get real. Why will he do that? That fellow is not loyal even to the highest truth.
30:34That fellow is loyal only to his own body. Why will he be loyal to another body? He will look
30:40around for 40 bodies and then you will be heartbroken.
30:48I am sorry if what I am saying is disturbing. But if truth disturbs you,
30:55that should tell you something about yourself.
31:01No?
31:01My name is Shikshit and I have been listening to Acharyaji for last two years and right now
31:08I have been teaching physics in Rishikesh. I have been teaching physics in Rishikesh.
31:14I have been teaching physics in Rishikesh. I have been teaching physics in Rishikesh.
31:18I have been teaching physics in Rishikesh. I have been teaching physics in Rishikesh.
31:23I have been teaching physics in Rishikesh. I have been teaching physics in Rishikesh.
31:29I have been teaching physics in the college. So the main thing that happened with me is,
31:39or I can say the prominent thing which I have observed is my tendency to blame the outside
31:47influences like parents, government, society, faith, destiny has considerably reduced.
31:56And the entire focus has shifted inwards. So that I think is the most important thing
32:02that happened with me. Because before that I have always been blaming others for my own
32:12failures and all like these things. So the main teaching from today's sessions are,
32:21the first one is nothing is worse than the mediocre and common life that we usually lead.
32:30The second one is without self-knowledge, whatever the man possess like talent or intellect,
32:41he just look for its own security and prosperity. So what did I learn from this
32:50is whatever good qualities that may possess like high IQ or some special skills,
32:57if we do not put it in the service of truth, it is of no use.