Hoshyarian | Haroon Rafiq | Comedy Show | 27th March 2024
Hoshyarian | Haroon Rafiq | Comedy Show | 27th March 2024
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00:00 "Hoshiyaariyaan Hoshiyaariyaan"
00:03 Hello viewers, I'm Haroon Rafiq and you're watching Hoshiyaariyaan.
00:07 Friends, the real satisfaction, peace and happiness in life
00:11 is when your words and actions become one.
00:17 If you go to great teachers, I tried something in my life.
00:21 I spent some time with great teachers and I realized
00:25 that the greatest quality of those people was
00:29 that their words and actions were not contradictory.
00:33 One of our teachers always said
00:36 that a slap from a liar is better than a slap from the truth.
00:40 Because it takes you far ahead in life.
00:43 If you want to feel great even when you're alone
00:48 and smile at yourself when you're leaving this world
00:52 then you should say, "It was fun. You made me loyal to life."
00:56 Don't let your words and actions be contradictory.
00:59 Let's start today's show with this message.
01:01 Let's take you to the police station and see what's happening there.
01:05 How are you, Asim? It's been a long time. How are you?
01:09 I'm fasting.
01:11 - Is your name Asim? - Sir...
01:16 Why are you talking to me?
01:17 I'm sitting here with a moustache and teeth.
01:20 - I can't tell you. - Who is he, Asim?
01:22 He's the respected man of our locality.
01:25 - He's the respected man of your locality? - Yes.
01:27 Then he must be Moses.
01:29 - What's your problem? - Why are you sitting here?
01:32 I'm not sitting here as I please.
01:34 Your aunt made this police station.
01:37 I've been transferred here. How do I know that?
01:40 Sir, you talk to him.
01:43 He's sitting here to listen to you.
01:45 No, four people will gather here and then we'll talk.
01:48 Look, I'm counting. One, two, three, four. Talk.
01:51 You've counted them as well. This is wrong.
01:54 Yes, one, two, three... Who are you?
01:58 He's also a Nasir.
02:00 - Sit here. - Greetings.
02:02 - How are you? - What was that?
02:04 - Now we'll talk. - What happened?
02:08 - There are four people. - It's enough.
02:11 Add four people to it.
02:13 You're also a man. Trust me. I've never been so proud.
02:16 I mean, we're all humans.
02:18 - Who's the Nasir? - He's the Nasir.
02:21 I'm here.
02:23 - He's thirsty. - He's thirsty.
02:27 No, no, no. We have to cut the paper. Cut the paper.
02:30 Hold your breath for a minute.
02:32 Now talk.
02:35 We'll cut the paper. We're sitting here to cut the paper.
02:39 Tell us what happened.
02:41 We can't tell you anything. You just cut the paper.
02:44 Whatever is written on the paper, it's stolen from our house.
02:47 In all our statements,
02:52 if you write it in words, how do you write it?
02:56 First tell us what happened.
03:00 It was unjust.
03:02 Then the officer will write it.
03:04 We've brought three people to you.
03:06 - Why does a man come to the police station? - To eat.
03:10 - Sir, we're here to protect ourselves. - Yes.
03:13 - Cut the paper. - Here.
03:16 Cut this.
03:17 How will you help us until you tell us?
03:24 I'll cut the paper.
03:27 Sir, listen to our complaint.
03:30 - Now that's what I'm talking about. - Yes.
03:32 Tell us.
03:34 Cut the paper.
03:35 I don't want to cut the paper.
03:41 I want to go to the court and say in front of the judge
03:45 that he and I...
03:46 You've cut the paper. Now tell us what happened.
03:50 Sir, it's just that we had an incident.
03:54 What happened?
03:56 Sir, the issue is that
03:59 I do the cleaning.
04:02 - He does the vegetables. - Okay.
04:05 He sells milk. He has a milk and curd shop.
04:08 - Sir, we're so tired. - Yes.
04:11 Sir, listen to what happened the day before yesterday.
04:13 Sir, I left home at 12.30.
04:16 I reached the shop at 1.
04:18 I'm used to coming to the shutter chowk early in the morning.
04:21 I slept at 1.
04:23 I did all the work.
04:26 I got tired and closed the shop at 2.
04:29 You opened at 1 and closed at 2.
04:32 Your Parchun's work is with the banks.
04:35 I think this Parchun is a product of this thing.
04:39 It's a sale in an hour.
04:41 Parchun comes to the shutter chowk early in the morning.
04:44 He cuts the mice of the mice and goes to the shop.
04:48 You open the shop at 1 and close at 12. What's the issue?
04:51 - Sir, I'm saying it at 2 in the night. - Then what happened?
04:54 At night, there's silence everywhere.
04:58 The world is everywhere.
05:00 I'm going home.
05:02 Look, if there's silence at 2 in the night
05:05 you close the shop in the evening.
05:08 Why are you going to the streets at 2 in the night?
05:13 You're tired. You're tired.
05:17 You're going to be like this at 2 in the night.
05:19 - And... - Won't people rest?
05:20 Don't do this. I feel bad for what you're saying.
05:24 Then what happened?
05:25 I'm a respectable man.
05:27 How can I tell people what happened to me?
05:30 This is the only nonsense I've taken from them.
05:32 Ask them.
05:33 - I want to say something. - Yes.
05:35 My vegetable shop...
05:36 When did you start working as a goldsmith?
05:38 - Your vegetable shop... - Okay.
05:42 Your vegetable shop...
05:44 I closed it at 2 in the night.
05:46 You closed it at 2 in the night?
05:47 Was it a meeting of your fans?
05:49 Or did your fans tell you to shut your shop?
05:53 You should've closed it at 2 in the night.
05:55 The vegetables would've gone by themselves by 2 in the night.
05:58 The vegetables would've come early in the morning.
06:00 The vegetables would've come by 2 in the night.
06:02 I would've walked 15 steps.
06:08 And I heard a radish. I was dead.
06:11 Sir, it was a matter of life and death.
06:13 Neither a man nor his own self...
06:15 ...was selling vegetables.
06:17 What happened next?
06:19 Ask the rest of them.
06:22 If you feel ashamed to tell us...
06:25 ...then you should tell the SHO.
06:27 - When did I... - I'll slap you.
06:30 I'll tell the SHO.
06:33 I'll tell him to go to the SHO's house.
06:36 Sir, what's the big deal?
06:39 You know we're used to talking short.
06:42 You're here now. You can talk.
06:46 Sir, I left the shop.
06:47 - I heard a voice. - What?
06:50 We're like father and son in a relationship.
06:52 He was sitting there for 2 hours to hear this voice.
06:55 - Chita. - Yes, sir.
06:57 The shopper is at my house.
06:59 - Go. - He's at the police station.
07:02 Sir, I have work.
07:04 You have work.
07:05 You have 3-4 people at the station.
07:08 - Let them sit. - What's this?
07:09 - You also come with me. - Go.
07:12 I'm telling you. I don't want to go to the police station.
07:14 - I'll tell them. - You...
07:16 Why are you so angry?
07:18 - I'll tell them. - What happened?
07:22 Sir, when I turned around to look
07:24 they found a sheet on me.
07:26 They started beating me.
07:28 Oh.
07:29 I thought you'd stop them.
07:32 - They were some goons. - Goons?
07:35 Okay.
07:36 Couldn't you see his face?
07:38 Ma'am, the sheet wasn't see-through.
07:40 - Okay. - Okay.
07:42 They couldn't see it.
07:44 He was just saying that he looks like his father.
07:48 Let them beat me.
07:50 - I have the same incident. - What?
07:53 - They threw the sheet on me. - Okay.
07:55 I thought I look like his father.
07:58 You and your dead bodies.
08:02 - Chita. - Yes, sir.
08:04 The shopper is at my house.
08:06 Come here.
08:08 You didn't come to my house.
08:10 That's not your house. You don't have things at your house.
08:13 I have things.
08:14 Look, don't fight.
08:16 I like you guys.
08:17 Tell me when you'll drop me home.
08:20 - No. - I'll tell you something.
08:21 - Yes. - No.
08:23 He'll look like your father in the marriage.
08:26 They beat you too.
08:28 You're lucky.
08:30 Stand up.
08:32 Sir, no one can beat him.
08:37 You're right.
08:40 No one can beat you.
08:42 I'm telling the truth.
08:44 Sir, she's lying.
08:46 - They beat you. - Yes.
08:49 I think she's the mother of the matchmaker.
08:52 If you had told me that I look like your father,
08:58 I would have made you sleep.
09:02 - He's so cute. - He's so cute.
09:05 - He's a Gujarati. - He's so cute.
09:09 - What are you doing? - I'm selling milk.
09:11 - You should've stopped it. - How did you know?
09:15 It's your mother's way.
09:17 - Should I sit? - Yes, sit.
09:21 Look at his style.
09:25 - Do you have CCTV cameras in your shop? - No.
09:29 Sir, I don't have a camera. I can't make it.
09:32 I'll tell you the ticket. We're here. You make it.
09:38 I think you're drinking the milk of a nice village.
09:41 Has this happened once or more than once?
09:46 - It's happened so many times. - Okay.
09:49 He's a matchmaker. He'll do it.
09:52 - Jeete. - Yes, sir.
09:53 Go to the neighbourhood.
09:55 Bring the best people of the neighbourhood.
10:00 - I didn't bring them. - But try not to ruin their business.
10:05 If this happens to me, I'll break his arm first.
10:09 Then I'll teach him a lesson.
10:12 He'll do what he did to Jadhar.
10:16 Come in.
10:19 You're looking for me.
10:22 - Here he is. - Greetings.
10:25 - Greetings. - Please sit.
10:27 - Give me a massage. - No, sir.
10:31 - I have some work. - What is this?
10:34 - I was mixing flour. - What are you making?
10:36 - I have a sweet shop. - Is Kalu Sweets your shop?
10:40 - My shop is called Phool Sweets. - Okay.
10:45 I don't know what to do with the kids.
10:47 - Okay. - I brought a naughty sweet.
10:50 I don't know who Kalu is.
10:52 I don't have any kids in my sweet shop.
10:57 What do you make with the sweets?
11:05 We have a lot of sweets in Ramadan.
11:06 Samosas, fritters, Kachoris.
11:08 Many people get sick after fasting.
11:12 - How much for a samosa? - Rs. 60.
11:15 - Do you sell it? - Yes.
11:18 No one buys it for Rs. 60.
11:20 My wife sells it for Rs. 6000.
11:24 You can sell it for Rs. 7000 for a paratha.
11:28 Who eats samosas in the city?
11:31 I don't open the shop. I get a lot of customers.
11:33 What do you do?
11:36 I sell fruits.
11:38 Why do you sell fruits?
11:41 Why did you call us here?
11:43 We'll make you eat fruits.
11:46 I called you here because of this.
11:50 - Yes. - You have told me that
11:52 you went to the shop at night.
11:56 You were wearing a bed sheet.
11:59 - Is that so? - I was scared.
12:03 You look like a police officer.
12:05 - What should I say? - Tell me.
12:09 I was wearing a bed sheet.
12:12 I went to the shop at 2 am.
12:14 I was your father.
12:17 I was shocked.
12:19 He asked me if I was wearing a bed sheet.
12:22 I said, "Are you crazy?"
12:23 He said, "I don't want to see your face."
12:28 I was shocked.
12:31 - I said, "Oh, God!" - I see.
12:33 - He started hitting me. - Yes.
12:35 I said, "Hit him."
12:37 He said, "Hit him. Both of you will be in trouble."
12:42 He said, "Why did you wear a bed sheet?"
12:46 I said, "I don't want to hit you."
12:49 It was 1 am.
12:53 I was about to close the shop.
12:56 Tell me, which shop do you stay in?
12:58 Why did you close the shop at 2 am?
13:00 Sir, he asked me to close the shop.
13:03 Which shop was closed?
13:06 I checked.
13:08 There were 50 kgs of mangoes, 50 kgs of apples
13:12 and 50 kgs of guavas.
13:14 I think you gave him a lot of mangoes.
13:17 Sir, I have a small lie.
13:21 I didn't come here to buy mangoes.
13:22 I was on a duty in Multan.
13:24 I bought mangoes from the shop.
13:26 - Yes. - I had a small business.
13:30 Small business.
13:32 I will not let you go.
13:35 He gave me a bed sheet.
13:37 He said, "We are your father in the relationship."
13:41 I thought he was serious.
13:43 - Then? - He blamed me.
13:46 I said, "My father is not at fault."
13:48 Yes, he was at fault.
13:50 How did you say that he was not at fault?
13:53 He was a piece of wood.
13:55 - Chobu. - Yes, sir.
13:58 Take this paper.
13:59 Cut the sheet from this.
14:01 - How many were there? - One.
14:05 - Oh, no. - He can't cut one.
14:08 How many were there?
14:09 I think there were two.
14:11 - At least. - What do you think?
14:13 - I think there were two. - How?
14:16 He was holding me.
14:18 - Okay. - He couldn't cut one.
14:21 - Oh, no. - He couldn't cut one.
14:23 He would have cut it in half.
14:27 - Listen, this is not the time. - Yes, sir.
14:29 You sit in your room and don't waste time.
14:32 I will take care of him.
14:34 - He will be caught. - Yes.
14:36 You go home.
14:38 - There is no need. - No, Chobu.
14:41 - My investigation is going to a new level. - Okay.
14:46 I am telling you the truth.
14:48 Do you remember the time when the Hathoda group came?
14:53 - Yes, they did. - Hathoda group?
14:55 Yes, and people started to show their personal enmity.
14:58 Yes, that was my Multan posting.
15:00 He is saying something so great.
15:02 People shouldn't show their enmity in this situation.
15:06 They would have thrown a cloth on my face and hit me.
15:11 - Yes. - I won't let them go.
15:13 I will cut their sheet.
15:15 - You will see. - It's okay, sir.
15:17 I will call the police.
15:19 We will do what you say.
15:21 No one will let them go.
15:23 - Go home. Cheetah. - Yes, sir.
15:26 - The chopper has left. - Wait a minute.
15:28 - Yes, sir. - No one should go.
15:30 - Come here. - Keep the chopper here.
15:33 Sir, this is food. The kids have to eat.
15:36 It's okay. They have to eat. Keep it here.
15:39 - It's okay, sir. - Open it.
15:42 Don't touch it. It's okay.
15:44 It's okay. I won't open it.
15:46 - I am telling you. - He is acting smart.
15:48 I have worked like this all my life.
15:50 You go to your house.
15:52 Why should I go to your house?
15:53 Our family shop is about to open. Go.
15:55 Wait a minute.
15:56 I am not a Brahmin.
15:59 I am a police officer. Go.
16:02 I am a police officer.
16:04 I am a police officer.
16:06 I am a police officer. Go.
16:09 - Hey. - Hey.
16:11 I was telling you.
16:13 - You said you won't take anything. - No, sir.
16:16 That's it.
16:17 - Yes. - Hey.
16:19 - This is the bed. - This is the bed.
16:21 - This is the bed. - Tell me.
16:24 Which bed is made in the factory?
16:25 This is the bed.
16:26 I have heard that you sleep on the bed.
16:29 What is this?
16:31 - What is this? - This is our sir's bed.
16:34 Have you seen Indian films, Shansha?
16:36 - Yes. - He is Meeta Bachchan's brother.
16:39 He must have done something to Meeta Bachchan.
16:41 He must have hit her.
16:43 I have reached the point.
16:45 I have reached the point.
16:47 Stand up.
16:48 Tell me the truth.
16:51 What is the problem?
16:52 - Sir, I am the fourth scale. - I...
16:55 How would I know?
16:56 You are the fourth scale.
16:58 I will report you.
16:59 You will be fired from your job.
17:01 - Sir. - Tell me the truth.
17:02 Sir, don't do this.
17:04 We have little time.
17:06 Sir, we have seen the film Shansha.
17:09 - Okay. - Meeta Bachchan's film.
17:11 We are your father in relation.
17:14 We are your father in relation.
17:16 I hit her because of this Samosa.
17:18 - Yes. - Yes.
17:19 In the month of Ramzan,
17:21 she sells three Samosas for 60 rupees.
17:24 - Okay. - And she doesn't eat potatoes.
17:25 - Okay. - Okay.
17:26 And this vegetable vendor
17:29 sells onions, onions, garlic,
17:31 he sells it at a high price.
17:34 And he sells vegetables to people.
17:36 - Okay. - Sir, I have a small problem.
17:38 - Yes. - I have a small problem.
17:40 - I have 150 rupees per kilo. - Yes.
17:42 I sell it for 200 rupees.
17:44 I sell it.
17:45 But I sell it in the market.
17:46 I sell it with water, ice,
17:48 and chemicals in milk.
17:50 - And that too in this month. - Yes.
17:52 In Ramzan, he is called Satan.
17:54 He comes and goes openly.
17:56 This one.
17:57 He is also a greedy man.
17:59 - Okay. - He
18:00 controls his food before fasting.
18:03 - Okay. - He sells it at a high price in Ramzan.
18:05 And he sells it with spices.
18:08 - Oh. - Oh.
18:10 He thinks people are bad.
18:13 And this fruit vendor.
18:15 Look at his face.
18:17 The bananas he sells in the market
18:19 are sold for 500 rupees.
18:20 - He sells it for 1000 rupees. - Oh.
18:23 And believe me, people feel pity for him.
18:26 He doesn't touch the fruits as he sells them at a high price.
18:29 He is the biggest criminal of the fruit vendor.
18:31 If I tell him that I am your father in this relationship,
18:35 can't I say it?
18:37 - Look, Jabu, you know what? - Yes.
18:39 He is a big criminal.
18:41 - But I will definitely show you. - Why?
18:44 He is a criminal because he has to say that he is your father in this relationship.
18:48 Viewers, we will take a short break.
18:54 We will meet again after the break.
18:56 "Wake up, wake up."
18:59 Welcome back, viewers.
19:00 We have a guest with us in the break.
19:02 He claims to be from Hollywood.
19:05 Let's talk to him.
19:06 - Hello. - Hello. How are you?
19:09 Thank God, you are listening to me.
19:11 She says he is from Hollywood.
19:13 I think he is a sadhra fiqh.
19:16 The one who is sitting with you is a Hollywood film director.
19:18 He is Christopher Nolan's director.
19:21 Mr. Haroon, he is Marilyn Monroe's elder brother.
19:24 Have you ever seen a film?
19:26 No, his elder brother is Marilyn Brondo.
19:28 - Bro. - Right?
19:30 - Bro. - Actually, my name is Jugnu.
19:32 And I am from Hollywood.
19:34 I have a lot of money and a lot of films under my belt.
19:37 You have a lot of films under your belt.
19:39 - Yes, I do. - For example, tell me.
19:41 I will just show you.
19:42 From under my belt.
19:44 - What is this? - Yes, look.
19:46 You have films under your belt.
19:49 That's exactly what the case is.
19:51 But once, he will clean his throat.
19:56 He doesn't have to clean his throat. He is a rich man.
19:57 He will eat expensive food and stuff it in his throat.
20:00 He is a welder. He is smart.
20:01 She also knows how to bend.
20:04 No, sir. He is a cheat.
20:05 You will see, he will end up as a beggar.
20:09 Okay, tell me. What brings you here?
20:11 Actually, I want to take a very good actor to Hollywood.
20:17 That's a very good thing. You are making a film.
20:19 I am making a film in Hollywood.
20:21 Sir, where do you live in Hollywood?
20:23 Hollywood is not a funeral home.
20:26 What is the main funeral home in Hollywood?
20:29 People don't die there.
20:31 - They die. - They do die.
20:32 But a very expensive person is buried there.
20:35 - Okay. - I will bury you for free.
20:36 Make a program.
20:38 You can't have cold drinks in a funeral home.
20:41 Okay, sir. Please take me to the film.
20:46 As I requested, actor.
20:48 Come here.
20:50 I am a very good actress.
20:52 I can say emotional dialogues, happy dialogues
20:55 sad dialogues, sarcastic dialogues.
20:57 - Really? - Yes.
21:00 But I need a brother.
21:01 Okay. So, you don't look for an actor.
21:04 You look for a relationship.
21:07 I don't know why I feel he will give me an offer that I won't refuse.
21:09 You won't be able to do it.
21:11 Why are you guys stealing my dialogues?
21:14 I will make you an offer you can't refuse.
21:16 Do you live in California?
21:17 What is California?
21:18 Cali-mobile.
21:19 Cali-mobile.
21:21 He is talking to someone else.
21:23 He is eating fish. He has a moustache.
21:25 The problem is that you are a good guy.
21:27 But your company is not good.
21:28 Okay, sir. Please take me to the film.
21:35 He is a versatile artist. He has been working with me for 30 years.
21:38 Forget him. Take me with you.
21:40 Don't worry.
21:42 I will take the one you must have trained.
21:45 But he is not the one.
21:47 Who is he?
21:48 He is the best gem of this show.
21:51 Thank you. Thank you.
21:52 - What? - But he is in the form of coal.
21:56 What?
21:56 According to this, only two people are left.
21:58 - Yes. - Azeem Vicky and Goga.
21:59 You are very close.
22:02 I am taking Azeem Vicky.
22:03 - Hey! - Hey!
22:05 - Wow! - Amazing!
22:06 Are you serious, sir?
22:08 Everyone is great except for me.
22:11 - Wow! - Wow!
22:13 - Azeem, congratulations. - Thank you.
22:16 You are not getting married with happiness.
22:18 - Vicky, don't forget me. - Really?
22:21 I have forgotten you.
22:22 You have just seen me.
22:24 You don't know what he used to do with me.
22:26 He is the son of a businessman.
22:28 He has done it.
22:30 - Can I confirm? - Absolutely.
22:31 Let's go.
22:33 - Let's go. - You were calling me brother.
22:35 Who? You?
22:36 You fool. When did I call you?
22:38 Vicky, I can't even call you a fool when you have changed your colour.
22:43 People like you will drive my car.
22:45 A girl's car can be driven there too.
22:47 You are dead for me and I am dead for you.
22:50 - It's final. - You are dead for us.
22:52 - We were going to Hollywood. - We were going to Hollywood.
22:54 Forget it. We are going to Hollywood.
22:55 We have been there for the first time.
22:56 - We haven't been to Hollywood. - Wait.
22:57 The sound is coming.
22:59 Vicky, you should have kept your eyes on the guitar.
23:03 Sir, let's go.
23:04 - Shall we? - Okay.
23:06 - Let's go. - Azeem, my friend.
23:07 Do you have any objection to give a small audition?
23:10 Why not?
23:11 - Please come over here. - We have to audition first.
23:14 A small audition but he is almost final.
23:16 - I believe him. - Okay.
23:17 I will give the audition.
23:19 You should have done this face.
23:20 We would have done the black face.
23:22 The thing is, you are my Salim Ali Billa.
23:28 You are Agha Majid.
23:29 You are Haroon Rafiq.
23:31 You are Dhani Sahab.
23:32 - Very nice. - You are everything to me.
23:34 I can't say anything else.
23:36 Because she is a very good girl.
23:37 - Say a dialogue. - Okay.
23:39 You have to do this. I will tell you.
23:41 I will make you an offer you can't refuse.
23:47 - Okay? - Yes.
23:50 Is it necessary?
23:52 You don't have to do this.
23:54 You have to speak.
23:56 I make you an offer you can't refuse.
23:59 - Very nice. - Wow.
24:02 - You did it. - Next.
24:04 Very nice. You did it perfectly.
24:05 - Do it in another way. - What?
24:07 Do it like this.
24:09 - Like this? - Yes.
24:11 - And.. - This is not for the film.
24:13 - Then? - You have to stand on your own.
24:15 Leave it. Stop it.
24:17 - Do a dialogue. - Dialogue?
24:19 - Yes. - I don't have any work.
24:21 I am a sober artist. I don't have any work.
24:23 Vicky, do you remember the time
24:26 when you used to come to my house and ask me to take you to the poetry class?
24:29 Now you are asking me to take you to Hollywood.
24:31 - Oh! - Oh!
24:33 It's our pride. We are happy.
24:36 We will get a small or big role.
24:38 You are small. You won't get a big role.
24:41 Say another dialogue.
24:43 To be or not to be.
24:45 That is the question.
24:47 - To be, not to be. - Yes.
24:49 - That is the question. - To be, not to be.
24:51 - That is the question. - Very nice.
24:53 - Wow. - Very nice.
24:55 - Wow. - Do the same style again.
24:57 - Which one? - The one you did earlier.
25:00 Hmm.
25:01 Very nice indeed.
25:03 - He is not taking him as an actor. - Then?
25:04 He is taking him as a charkha.
25:06 - Say another dialogue. - Yes.
25:10 If you are going through hell.
25:12 - If you are going through hell. - Keep going.
25:14 Not going to, going through.
25:16 If you are going through hell.
25:18 - What? - If you are going through hell.
25:19 Keep going.
25:21 If you are going through hell.
25:22 - Keep going. - Very nice.
25:24 Very nice. Now do it like this.
25:28 - What is he doing? - Very nice, your Lord.
25:30 - Oh, yes. - Oh, yeah.
25:32 - Thank you. - Wow.
25:34 - The way he is making us react. - Yes.
25:36 It looks like he is going to make a King Kong movie.
25:38 No, stand on the American signs and ask him to do it.
25:41 Let me speak first.
25:44 What movie have you got? You have become Tom Cruise's brother-in-law.
25:47 Don't talk with me, okay?
25:49 - Yes. - I don't want to see your dirty face.
25:51 - Oh, wow. - Oh, wow.
25:53 - He must be a very bad man. - Don't abuse him.
25:55 He is your brother.
25:57 - Look, the truth comes out. - Yes, that's true.
26:00 - Progress and money comes out. - Yes.
26:02 Although, we keep saying that it is clean from inside.
26:04 No, it is very dirty inside.
26:06 - When are you taking him? - In a couple of weeks.
26:10 His salary will be deducted.
26:11 Arun, I will give him my money.
26:14 - He is directly Arun. - Arun.
26:15 I am fed up of you.
26:17 I don't even have to buy clothes for you.
26:18 You have to come to the village on a small scale.
26:20 I will pay you in two days. I don't have any problem.
26:23 Oh, wow.
26:25 Vicky, I used to take you to the theatre.
26:28 I am fed up. I can't go.
26:30 Do you remember? You used to do drugs with this slingshot.
26:34 I removed it.
26:35 You are in my upper portion.
26:38 Now also you will ask for salad and eat it.
26:40 Oh, wow. He has become so respectful.
26:42 What role are you giving him? What is the film?
26:46 What is the script?
26:48 - Have you seen Titanic? - Yes.
26:50 I am remaking it.
26:52 - Wow. - And what is being made?
26:54 - And what is the payment? - Titanic.
26:56 Have you seen the scene at the end where many people die?
26:59 Yes.
27:00 The dead bodies are thrown into the water.
27:02 - One of them will be dead. - What?
27:03 You have become an actor after listening to my story.
27:07 The start is small.
27:12 Agamal, you remember.
27:14 Your start is also small.
27:16 - What is this start? - Small start.
27:18 I have been on the first show for the first time.
27:20 - I will tell you something sensible. - Yes.
27:23 Ask for your payment once.
27:24 Give it first. Give your resignation first.
27:26 - Arun. - Yes.
27:27 I am not available from tomorrow.
27:28 You can write a resignation letter to me.
27:30 I will write the resignation letter.
27:31 You write it. You don't know how to write.
27:32 I know how to write.
27:34 I will have to work for two months.
27:36 If you write the resignation letter, I will have to work.
27:39 And then Gaur will look at his face and feel happy.
27:44 There are 85 people in the film.
27:46 If we go home after doing the jukta..
27:48 ..we will eat potato and meat and sleep.
27:49 You tell me the payment. How much will it be?
27:51 - 20. - What is 20?
27:53 - 20. - I am telling you in dollars.
27:55 - 20 million. - 20 dollars.
27:57 - What? - 20 dollars.
28:00 What are you saying? Hollywood?
28:01 What do you mean by 20 dollars?
28:03 There will be 300 to 400 more bodies there.
28:05 I have to pay them all.
28:06 - And listen to me. - Yes.
28:08 The expenses of coming and going, staying there..
28:10 ..transport, food, this is yours.
28:13 And you have to pay for both of mine.
28:15 And if you do any harm, I will cut your V.Ed.
28:19 [LAUGHTER]
28:20 Vicky, you are so lucky.
28:24 - Really? - Such a big offer.
28:25 - Wow. - His future is ruined.
28:27 [LAUGHTER]
28:29 What are you saying? 20 dollars?
28:30 Your house is a mule.
28:32 You are a elephant's tail.
28:33 Sir, what is this?
28:35 My teacher, God is so kind.
28:36 What a great man he is.
28:38 [LAUGHTER]
28:39 - Wow. - You are a coward.
28:42 - He is a coward. - What the hell is wrong with this guy?
28:44 Mr. Kaleem, no one is saying better things than you.
28:47 [LAUGHTER]
28:48 He doesn't even come close to you.
28:50 You don't come close to me.
28:51 [LAUGHTER]
28:52 - You don't come close to me. - Don't call me Mr. Salim.
28:54 I am a dead body.
28:56 [LAUGHTER]
28:57 - Mr. Arun. - Yes, I am writing your resignation.
29:00 God forbid.
29:01 [LAUGHTER]
29:03 God forbid.
29:04 - I am writing it. - I am not doing it.
29:06 - What? - Believe me.
29:07 Sir, I am not talking nonsense for a month.
29:10 [LAUGHTER]
29:12 [APPLAUSE]
29:14 Ladies and gentlemen, this is a small break.
29:16 We will meet after the break.
29:17 [MUSIC]
29:20 Welcome back, viewers.
29:22 Mr. Mirza, I want to ask you.
29:23 Why are you wearing glasses on the show?
29:27 My kids say that I look good like this.
29:29 Your kids are brave too.
29:31 [LAUGHTER]
29:32 I thought they would go to the city after the show.
29:34 [LAUGHTER]
29:36 I mean, the kids will tell you that you look bad without glasses.
29:40 [LAUGHTER]
29:41 Mr. Mirza, kids are innocent. Don't listen to them.
29:44 [LAUGHTER]
29:45 Kids do such things.
29:47 [LAUGHTER]
29:47 Do you think your kids are so intelligent that you will listen to them?
29:50 [LAUGHTER]
29:51 Kids say that I look good.
29:53 Yes, they say that.
29:54 I doubt that your father said the same thing.
29:57 [LAUGHTER]
29:58 You have to see the nature of kids.
30:00 Yes.
30:00 You will know when you see them.
30:02 [LAUGHTER]
30:03 But Mr. Mirza's tent is smoother than Mr. Agha's.
30:06 Did you notice?
30:07 [LAUGHTER]
30:08 Wow!
30:09 You have two tanneries stuck in my tent.
30:11 [LAUGHTER]
30:12 I think you want to sleep.
30:14 No, sir. I don't want to sleep.
30:16 This is not your dream.
30:18 Yes.
30:18 You can sleep without glasses.
30:20 [LAUGHTER]
30:21 Mr. Mirza, I think you are sleeping.
30:23 Can you remove your glasses?
30:24 [BELL RINGS]
30:26 Kids are right.
30:27 [LAUGHTER]
30:29 Sister-in-law got me glasses.
30:31 Why?
30:31 She said, "You look like a person who wears something inappropriate."
30:34 [LAUGHTER]
30:35 Mr. Mirza has found a carpet with a roof.
30:38 Okay.
30:38 He will sit on it and the window of the roof will open.
30:40 He will say, "In the name of God, give me something."
30:41 [LAUGHTER]
30:43 [APPLAUSE]
30:46 Mr. Mirza, did you buy this muffler or did you put it on the roof?
30:49 [LAUGHTER]
30:50 I have always worn good clothes.
30:51 Believe me, the muffler he bought for you..
30:53 ..was made in the kitchen cabinet.
30:55 [LAUGHTER]
30:56 And he is dancing in the wood stove.
30:59 [LAUGHTER]
31:00 Is this scarf yours?
31:02 Yes, it is.
31:03 Where did you buy it from?
31:04 From Lala.
31:05 It looks like..
31:06 [LAUGHTER]
31:07 Lala from Lala.
31:08 Our dresser. Okay.
31:10 I bought it from the mall.
31:11 You had a lot of stuff.
31:12 [LAUGHTER]
31:13 He had kept it in the back and pulled it.
31:16 You bought it from the mall.
31:17 Yes, from the mall.
31:17 He had a lot of stuff.
31:19 [LAUGHTER]
31:21 [APPLAUSE]
31:23 He is sitting in a prestigious show.
31:25 Is this how you dress?
31:26 Sir, has he seen a show or his kids?
31:29 [LAUGHTER]
31:30 I think he ran away after teasing Darzi.
31:32 And then Darzi insulted him.
31:34 [LAUGHTER]
31:34 I think he is drunk because he is kissing.
31:37 [LAUGHTER]
31:38 He sold all his jewellery and got drunk.
31:41 [LAUGHTER]
31:42 Don't do this.
31:44 Mr. Mirza, you are a cute man.
31:46 Sir, I don't like to say it myself.
31:48 [LAUGHTER]
31:49 You don't want to hear it from anyone.
31:51 [LAUGHTER]
31:52 I don't like to say it myself.
31:54 The world will curse me.
31:55 [LAUGHTER]
31:57 Who loved you the most in life?
31:59 My wife loved me the most.
32:01 She was helpless.
32:02 [LAUGHTER]
32:04 Didn't your mother love you?
32:05 My mother didn't love me.
32:06 You have come to the medical store.
32:08 [LAUGHTER]
32:09 My mother didn't love me when I got married.
32:12 Didn't your mother love you before that?
32:14 She loved me a lot.
32:16 Did you get true love from your wife?
32:18 Yes, after my mother.
32:20 No, he is lying.
32:21 You worked in many places.
32:24 You worked in theatres.
32:25 You worked a lot on TV.
32:27 I worked a lot in homes.
32:28 [LAUGHTER]
32:29 He worked in every shop.
32:31 You have a lot of payments.
32:33 Mr. Mirza, which director told you to go for the first entry?
32:36 My teachers are from a big family.
32:40 Yes.
32:41 I worked for a year.
32:43 You worked for a family of 25 people.
32:45 What was the big one?
32:46 My grandfather, Mr. Riaz Shahid.
32:50 What?
32:50 Riaz Shahid taught you to work?
32:53 He was his student.
32:54 He was killed in the first film.
32:57 [LAUGHTER]
32:59 But you don't have to wear this kind of attire.
33:02 Take it off.
33:03 My children say that I look cute.
33:06 Why don't you listen to your children?
33:09 When he goes home, he doesn't let me wear it.
33:11 He doesn't want to hate me.
33:13 [LAUGHTER]
33:14 I think Mr. Mirza should work in historical films.
33:18 The ones with swords.
33:19 Yes.
33:21 The ones without proper directors.
33:22 The swords can be used.
33:24 Exactly.
33:24 There are chances of getting killed.
33:26 I am only two years older than the elders.
33:28 [LAUGHTER]
33:30 Mr. Mirza, which was the top role you played in your life?
33:34 A memorable role.
33:35 I had a memorable role in '82.
33:37 There was a play.
33:39 I wanted something.
33:40 [LAUGHTER]
33:42 It's still going on.
33:44 He's been talking about it for a long time.
33:46 [LAUGHTER]
33:47 It's still going on.
33:47 He's still going around with that role.
33:50 [LAUGHTER]
33:51 He's been talking about that play.
33:54 He doesn't want to do anything.
33:55 He wants me to work in a drama.
33:57 He says, "Keep the name. I want something."
33:59 [LAUGHTER]
34:01 I want something.
34:02 Was it a play?
34:03 Yes, it was a role.
34:03 He's played so many roles.
34:06 People think he wants something.
34:08 [LAUGHTER]
34:11 What role did he play?
34:14 I played the father.
34:15 Okay.
34:16 My son's name was Parvez.
34:17 He was called Peja.
34:18 Okay.
34:19 There were no female artists.
34:21 Only boys were female.
34:23 Okay.
34:23 I played the father.
34:26 Okay.
34:26 My son was with his friends.
34:28 I stopped him.
34:28 Okay.
34:29 I fixed him.
34:30 I showed him the end.
34:31 I showed him how bad the people were.
34:33 Tell us.
34:34 Tell us the dialogues.
34:35 Do you have any lines in your mind?
34:37 He won't say he wants something.
34:39 [LAUGHTER]
34:40 Yes.
34:41 Look, Peja.
34:42 Son, I am your father.
34:46 What will you tell your son?
34:48 [LAUGHTER]
34:50 It was the first dialogue.
34:52 He verified his son.
34:55 He started.
34:56 Look, son.
34:57 I am your father.
34:59 I am your father.
35:00 I am your father.
35:01 He started in Urdu.
35:02 Look, son.
35:02 I am your father.
35:03 Listen to it first.
35:06 Why were you telling your son that I am your father?
35:09 He had said this dialogue.
35:11 What was that?
35:12 Who are you?
35:13 [LAUGHTER]
35:14 You said I am your father.
35:17 I said, son, I am your father.
35:19 Okay.
35:19 Don't roam around with your friends.
35:22 What is this?
35:23 I am your father.
35:24 Don't roam around with your son.
35:26 Your father is a tramp.
35:28 [LAUGHTER]
35:29 Every father tells his son to give him something new.
35:32 He was giving him a message.
35:35 He said, son, I am explaining to you as a father.
35:38 Okay.
35:39 So understand what I am saying.
35:40 Say the dialogue.
35:41 Look, son.
35:43 I am your father.
35:44 I am explaining to you.
35:45 I made you a young man.
35:47 He made it easy.
35:48 [LAUGHTER]
35:50 It is not a father's duty to make a man.
35:52 Say the dialogue.
35:54 Look, son.
35:55 I am your father.
35:56 Tell him.
35:57 Tell him.
35:58 He is not agreeing.
36:01 [LAUGHTER]
36:02 He might agree.
36:03 [LAUGHTER]
36:04 Okay.
36:05 I am your father.
36:06 [LAUGHTER]
36:08 Tell him.
36:09 Okay.
36:10 He is not agreeing.
36:12 Okay.
36:13 [LAUGHTER]
36:14 [APPLAUSE]
36:17 If a man is a tramp, he will sit in front of you and say,
36:21 a young man drove an apple bomb.
36:23 Where did it go?
36:24 [LAUGHTER]
36:28 Viewers, this was today's show.
36:29 We will meet you in the next show.
36:31 Take care.
36:33 Goodbye.
36:33 "Hoshi yaariya, hoshi yaariya"
36:35 you