Dave Can't Believe Tom Brady’s Roast Invited His Employees Over Him | Stool Scenes
El Presidente | Stool Scenes
Category
🥇
SportsTranscript
00:00 What was Feidelberg doing there?
00:01 I wasn't invited to the Rosatom Brady.
00:03 I called in a favor to go to the Rosatom Brady.
00:07 Why would Netflix invite you over me?
00:09 No offense to anybody basically else in the world.
00:12 I did consider inviting Dave, but I thought,
00:16 and still think sitting here now,
00:18 that Dave would laugh me out of the room
00:20 and be like, "You think I need your fucking help,
00:22 "you scumbag?"
00:23 Obviously Dave's mad, but you know what?
00:24 If they invited Dave, he would have big time him
00:27 and said, "No." If Brady asked Dave personally,
00:30 it's the only way Dave would have went.
00:32 Anyone else, Dave would have said,
00:34 "No, I don't have time for this."
00:35 A couple weeks ago, Netflix reached out to Brianna and I
00:43 and asked if we wanted to just come to the festival
00:47 specifically for the Tom Brady roast.
00:49 And we said, "Yes, of course."
00:51 Well, I said, "Yes, of course."
00:52 Brianna was busy at the time.
00:53 Then they offered for us to do the Tom Brady thing.
00:55 She was like, "Oh, we definitely have to both go to that."
00:58 Fucking awesome.
00:59 There will never be another roast on cable television ever
01:02 because Netflix just completely changed the game.
01:04 They didn't have to worry about regulations.
01:06 They didn't have to worry about FCC rules.
01:08 They didn't have to worry about who's swearing,
01:09 commercial breaks, this and that.
01:10 They put a bunch of athletes on stage
01:12 with a bunch of alcohol and a bunch of comedians,
01:14 gave Kevin Hart the mic and said, "Let's get away."
01:17 A plus, A plus, A plus.
01:19 Tom Brady is the GOAT.
01:20 New England fans have been waiting 20 years
01:22 for this type of thing to happen
01:23 and they blew it out of the water.
01:24 It was just a huge opportunity for us
01:27 and we decided we have to go.
01:29 - I thought it was spectacular.
01:30 I don't know if he,
01:32 I can't tell if he knew what he was getting into.
01:34 Obviously you have to when you say yes
01:35 to something like this,
01:36 but after the fourth or fifth
01:38 Gisele's fucking her jujitsu instructor joke,
01:40 I thought he was gonna jump off the stage.
01:42 Nikki Glaser was the best by far.
01:44 Tony Hinchcliffe also, so funny.
01:46 I didn't even know who he was until yesterday
01:48 and now I'm a big fan.
01:49 - Do you think that his face looked like that
01:52 because he was about to cry
01:53 or because the Botox had just set in?
01:55 - It was 100% the Botox
01:57 and someone needs to tell Tom to lay off.
01:58 It's too much Botox.
01:59 His face didn't move.
02:00 Didn't move once the whole night.
02:02 It was crazy.
02:02 You can tell.
02:03 - It was the kid crying.
02:04 It was the kid.
02:05 - You can tell because of the vein.
02:06 It's just so bad.
02:07 It was bad.
02:08 Someone needs to step in for Tom.
02:10 What'd you think about his Botox?
02:12 - I didn't see his Botox.
02:13 I'm just surprised no one brought up
02:15 his Biden cell PGA with his son.
02:17 (laughing)
02:18 I was kissing on his neck in "Undercarriage."
02:20 - So bizarre.
02:22 - And Tom Brady roast, which is,
02:24 well, it was excellent.
02:26 - It was hilarious.
02:27 - But I do have thoughts on it.
02:29 - What are your thoughts?
02:30 - Well, first, why were you there?
02:32 Why would Netflix invite you over me?
02:34 No offense to anybody basically else in the world.
02:37 - My girl, Nikki Glaser,
02:38 and I say my girl just 'cause I feel like I know her.
02:40 I don't know her at all.
02:40 She was so good.
02:42 My favorite part was Bill.
02:44 'Cause I don't think I've ever seen Bill Belichick
02:46 smile that much ever, the way that he did.
02:48 And like, seeing his blue eyes glistening,
02:50 it was Patriots porn.
02:51 10 out of 10 across the board.
02:52 And like, their rubber jokes are back.
02:54 They're so back.
02:55 - Bill Belichick going out of his way
02:57 to roast Danny Amendola.
02:58 Like, there were no shots directed at Danny Amendola,
03:00 but Bill Belichick was like,
03:02 "Motherfucker, I'm going."
03:03 - It was like Randy Moss' first half.
03:05 I mean, Tom at the end too,
03:07 like just pulling out like the ring camera joke.
03:09 Like Tom Brady making a 9/11 joke.
03:11 I was shocked.
03:12 And by the way, Tom Brady's the hottest person of all time.
03:15 Like, we all knew that.
03:16 Like, look at that man.
03:18 It was phenomenal.
03:19 - I was amazed they did the ring camera joke.
03:21 Like, I remember that drama going down
03:22 and I was like,
03:23 "I wonder if anyone's going to address this."
03:24 And I was glad someone did,
03:25 but it was wild that they did.
03:27 - It was more surprising to me
03:29 to see Belichick go along with things.
03:31 Brady, you know, they probably throw him a paycheck.
03:33 It makes sense.
03:34 But Belichick being fun and games was interesting to see.
03:38 So I think he's going to be good on TV.
03:40 - I thought it was therapeutic as a Patriots fan.
03:42 I think I tweeted that after.
03:43 Yeah, for me, I felt good after it.
03:46 It's hard to explain, I guess,
03:47 unless you're a Patriots fan,
03:48 but it was like your family just getting together,
03:50 which was good.
03:51 I think that Belichick wanted no part of that shot
03:55 with Kraft.
03:56 That was, he did that as like a good soldier.
03:59 I feel like that was,
04:01 and then Kraft kind of was, you know,
04:03 he kind of was shoehorning how he was the greatest
04:06 because he wanted to get his point across,
04:08 you know, that he loves Belichick,
04:09 which I don't think,
04:10 I think it was just PR move there.
04:12 So that's still a little awkward,
04:13 but I think Belichick's taken the high road so far.
04:16 So that was the only part that I was like,
04:18 "Eh, could have done that a little bit different."
04:20 - So I had mentioned it on "Planned Breed"
04:22 that I was going,
04:23 and then it was on the BFF's sheets that I was going
04:27 and that I was going to interview Tom Brady.
04:29 And so they put it on the sheet.
04:31 Dave knew from the sheet,
04:32 but I guess he didn't really read into it
04:34 because he didn't fully understand
04:36 what I was going to, I guess.
04:38 - And now Grace is interviewing Tom Brady?
04:40 What the fuck does that mean?
04:42 - Can you hear me?
04:43 - There's this Netflix is a joke thing,
04:45 and like on the carpet, he's getting roasted.
04:48 So they said that she could talk to him
04:49 at the end of the carpet or the beginning.
04:52 - Is Dave jealous?
04:53 - Or the beginning.
04:54 - Yeah.
04:56 Now you're interviewing Tom Brady,
04:57 like your shit don't stink.
05:00 - No, I was actually going to text you.
05:01 If you have any questions, I should ask them.
05:03 I was, I was going to,
05:06 they said, "Don't ruin BFFs."
05:07 I said, "Oh, that's on BFFs?"
05:08 I don't know what's going on here.
05:10 I feel like this is an ambush.
05:11 Dave, I'm so sorry.
05:15 - It's okay, Brie.
05:17 - My name's Grace.
05:19 - So yeah, that's kind of how that played out.
05:22 - No one even told me it was fucking happening.
05:24 O'Malley didn't,
05:25 and it didn't even process to me what she was talking about.
05:27 When she was like, "Tom,"
05:28 I didn't even, I thought she was a red carpet
05:30 on some movie that he was in,
05:32 or I didn't even know this thing was happening.
05:34 - So I was, I was texting him leading up to it,
05:36 asking him if he had any questions I could relay to Tom,
05:39 or if I could FaceTime him while I was on the carpet
05:42 so he could talk to him.
05:44 I put all those offers on the table.
05:46 He asked what time it was at.
05:48 I told him, he didn't answer me.
05:50 And then in the morning,
05:53 in the morning before he sent that tweet, we talked.
05:57 And so he knew I went, Monday, 11.40 a.m.
06:01 You know what?
06:02 In hindsight, I didn't know what you were talking about.
06:04 I didn't know this was a thing till last night.
06:06 And I said, "Well, it doesn't matter.
06:08 "Netflix lied to us, flew out here and didn't get Brady."
06:10 He said, "Damn, well, the show still seemed amazing."
06:13 I said, "Yeah, it was incredible to be at.
06:14 "We still got Dana White, Gronk, Sugar Sean,
06:17 "so it wasn't a failed mission."
06:18 And then he just didn't answer.
06:21 (laughing)
06:23 Yeah.
06:24 - I wasn't expecting much when I turned on.
06:26 That was fantastic.
06:27 Outside of the fact, half my company was there
06:30 and got invited apparently, except me, which is strange,
06:33 because I went to jail with him.
06:34 I posed a picture of his kid's dick.
06:35 I've met him, I've been at the parties.
06:37 Our entire company's based basically on the Patriots reign.
06:40 I was there when he came back from Tampa Bay.
06:41 A lot of things.
06:43 Other than that, it was great.
06:44 - I did consider inviting Dave,
06:46 but I thought, and still think sitting here now,
06:49 that Dave would laugh me out of the room
06:52 and be like, "You think I need your fucking help,
06:53 "you scumbag?
06:55 "Why would I need your help to get into a building?"
06:58 - Obviously, Dave's mad, but you know what?
07:01 If they invited Dave, he would've big-timed 'em
07:03 and said, "No."
07:05 If Brady asked Dave personally,
07:08 it's the only way Dave would've went.
07:10 Anyone else, Dave would've said,
07:11 "No, I don't have time for this."
07:13 - Red carpet was electric.
07:15 - Where my dog's at?
07:16 (dog barking)
07:17 - What's a charity you would never donate to?
07:19 - Oh, Daddy Dana!
07:21 - Except we were promised an interview with Tom Brady
07:24 and we never got it.
07:25 That's the only reason we went.
07:27 So that was let down and we looked like liars.
07:30 So that part stunk, but the rest of it was really cool
07:34 until we also thought we were gonna have camera seats
07:38 and they put us in the nosebleeds.
07:39 But we were just happy to be there, like always.
07:42 - What was Feidelberg doing there?
07:43 - Feidelberg, he didn't even know.
07:46 He hopped on a plane that morning 'cause he was like,
07:48 "Oh my God, I have a ticket to this."
07:49 They invited, I think he was there with Bert
07:52 and Tom Segura.
07:54 - I wasn't invited to the roast with Tom Brady.
07:56 I called in a favor to go to the roast with Tom Brady.
08:00 I was at the first table at the base of the stage.
08:05 They were incredible seats.
08:06 - Did not see Feid.
08:07 So Feid's had one of those camera seats
08:08 that we thought we were gonna have
08:11 and he went last minute.
08:12 So we got up there, we're dressed in our nice clothes,
08:17 thinking we have camera seats and we (whistles) way up.
08:20 - It was fucking amazing.
08:22 I'm pissed I didn't go.
08:24 I thought about pulling the trigger and getting tickets,
08:29 but I didn't wanna go solo.
08:31 And Feidelberg never mentioned he was going.
08:34 If I knew he was, I would've went.
08:36 He's a jag off.
08:37 - I feel like that came out of nowhere.
08:38 Did he go alone?
08:39 - No, he's a jag off for doing that.
08:41 But he's like this with Dan Kraft.
08:44 So obviously he'll never admit that,
08:46 but he hit Dan Kraft up and asked for a hookup
08:51 and Dan gave it to him and he didn't share it
08:53 with anyone else or tell anybody else.
08:55 - Boo!
08:57 Boo!
09:00 Boo!
09:03 Boo!
09:05 Kevin Carter has to tell people to get quiet.
09:07 Sit down, everyone hates you, Amy.
09:10 Everyone hates you.
09:11 - Kim being there, I mean, why?
09:13 Why was she there?
09:14 And that's another person where it's like,
09:16 you know that you're gonna get jokes made at your expense
09:21 because you fucked half the people in the room.
09:23 I don't know why she would even go.
09:24 Why would she agree?
09:25 But her getting booed, karma comes back around every time.
09:28 - The thing that I wished Tom would've done more,
09:31 which I guess he can't because he's friends with her,
09:33 they should've used more of the Kim Kardashian
09:35 and Taylor Swift stuff.
09:36 That's so relevant right now.
09:38 No one brought up thank you, Amy.
09:40 Like, that would've been hilarious.
09:42 - I agree, but Brady's joke about--
09:45 - I was thinking too, like why didn't,
09:46 like Nikki Glaser should've said something
09:48 about Taylor Swift and Kim.
09:50 Like, should've been like, fuck you, Kim.
09:52 - The fact that we made it through the entire roast
09:54 until the end and Tom brought up Taylor Swift,
09:56 like, that shocked me.
09:58 But like, anybody could've just directed that at her.
10:01 Why didn't they?
10:02 - I don't think Tom Brady realized what he was getting into
10:04 because I feel like when they would do some of the jokes,
10:06 they would pan over to him and his face was like, oh fuck.
10:09 I think my favorite was Nikki Glaser.
10:12 I think she was hilarious and I love that she can like,
10:16 just be a boss bitch up there.
10:17 Also, the booing of Kim Kardashian was very satisfying too
10:21 because Dave said it right, she looked terrible
10:24 and she got booed and that's what she deserves.
10:27 - My second favorite part was the part
10:28 that you guys didn't get to see at home.
10:30 So, Sam Jay was making fun of Burt and Burt,
10:34 she was saying that he doesn't do drugs
10:38 and I could read his lips on the screen
10:41 and he was saying, should I pull it out, should I pull it out
10:43 and I'm like, no way, he pulls out a bag of coke right now.
10:45 And what you didn't see at home
10:46 is Burt just pulled out a bag of coke right on camera
10:50 in the arena and he got a standing O.
10:53 - Did they show him pulling out a bag of cocaine
10:55 on the roast or was that, could you only see that in person?
10:58 - You could only see that in person.
11:00 - Because it was crazy, he was like,
11:02 you saw it on the big screen when you were there
11:04 and he was like, should I pull it out, should I pull it out?
11:06 And he pulls out this bag of cocaine
11:08 and everyone, it was crazy.
11:11 - That was not shown.
11:13 I don't know if this made it to air.
11:14 Burt, like, waving the bag of coke.
11:17 It's not coke, at first I knew it wasn't coke
11:19 'cause Burt's not a coke guy.
11:20 It was a bag of nicotine pouches.
11:22 He, and I told him at the after party,
11:25 I was like, yo, that wasn't coke, right?
11:27 And he said, what do you mean?
11:29 And I said, a white fucking bag,
11:31 and he was waving at the camera, that wasn't coke, right?
11:33 And he goes, people think that was coke?
11:35 I said, what the fuck do you think people thought it was?
11:37 And he said, oh, I'm gonna let people run with that.
11:40 But it was, he didn't wanna have a tin in his pocket
11:43 in the talks and he didn't wanna have loose pouches
11:46 in his pocket 'cause sweating would get wet and ruin it.
11:49 So he just put a bunch of pouches in a little baggie
11:52 and ended up doing two of them, not lines.
11:54 - Oh, it was best, I mean, can you believe
11:56 how positive the reactions have been?
11:58 I think it was like the first time in history
12:01 people have spoken positively about the Patriots,
12:04 Kraft, Belichick, Brady, like, it's unbelievable.
12:08 Patriots are like top of the world right now,
12:10 except when the season starts,
12:13 it's gonna be a really, really rough year.
12:17 It's gonna be a rough like 10 years, not gonna lie.
12:19 This Drake-May thing is a disaster.
12:23 - I'm not even being like overdramatic.
12:25 The world needed last night.
12:26 - I feel like the world came together.
12:27 Everyone is holding hands.
12:29 - Last time I remember everyone coming together that much
12:31 was when the last dance came out during COVID.
12:34 Do you remember like when everybody,
12:35 like the whole world was sitting there watching that?
12:37 That's the way it felt last night?
12:39 And I mean, I could have watched like four more hours.
12:42 It was phenomenal.
12:43 And poor Giselle, I mean.
12:45 - I mean, Giselle made out well.
12:47 She's fucking a karate instructor, poor Brady.
12:51 - All right, all anybody ever likes to talk
12:55 about in this office is me.
12:56 Oh, Tommy got new shoes, you got a new haircut,
12:58 blah, blah, blah, shut up.
12:59 Mine are on business.
13:00 You know what we should be talking about
13:01 is the fact that Pink Whitney
13:02 now has a 1.75 liter bottle available.
13:05 It's absolutely delicious.
13:06 It's more of the Pink Whitney you know and love.
13:08 The vodka, the refreshing notes of lemonade in there too.
13:12 You can have it as a shot.
13:13 You can put it in a mixed drink.
13:15 You can have whatever you want.
13:16 Pink Whitney, it's delicious.
13:17 Go to the local bar, order some Pink Whitney.
13:20 Grab one of these for a pregame,
13:21 a party with friends at an apartment.
13:23 Delicious to have as a shot.
13:25 I love Pink Whitney shot.
13:25 If I can only have one shot for the rest of my life,
13:27 it's Pink Whitney.
13:28 Take your shot with Pink Whitney.
13:30 - So the only way for Drake to rebound
13:32 the pedophile allegations is to rap about
13:35 how much he loves old pussy.
13:36 So like.
13:38 - I love old pussy.
13:40 I love my grandma's bussy.
13:42 First I wipe her ass and then I eat up on her tushy.
13:45 - You have been my mentions.
13:47 I get head with dentures, no dentures.
13:50 - Not bad, not bad.
13:52 Not good, but not bad.
13:53 - Because we need some work.
13:55 - Sly joke depends to the side.
13:58 - Then I change her diapers.
14:00 You know that I'm the wiper.
14:02 Then I take her outside.
14:03 Know that I'm a wiper 'cause I like old pussy.
14:07 Yeah, I like old pussy.
14:09 (laughing)
14:13 - This is a Kiki Rhubarb Spritz.
14:20 I took rhubarb, which looks like red celery.
14:22 We boil it down, it looks like this.
14:24 We boiled it down.
14:26 We have Prosecco, we have gin,
14:27 we have a little bit of PCP and it's a drink of the summer.
14:32 It's my bikini line.
14:35 My first one just went live.
14:38 Can you see?
14:39 Let's see how many people called me.
14:40 It's four comments.
14:43 Has to be at least one.
14:45 Yes, Nana, yeah, loved it, Nana.
14:47 Yeah, I'm off.
14:48 Trying to copy Chef Donny, good luck.
14:50 Okay, you know what?
14:53 First off, I look like Chef Donny.
14:54 I wouldn't be sitting here with you fucking assholes cooking.
14:57 I'd be getting my dick sucked.
14:58 Copy Chef Donny.
14:59 I could be her great-grandmother.
15:02 I've been slinging around food in the kitchen
15:04 before that bitch was even in diapers.
15:06 Haters, go hate.
15:11 Thank God.
15:14 You don't have to deep throat it unless you want to,
15:16 unless you're trying to meet someone at the party.
15:17 It's episode two of Kiki Cuisine,
15:19 my new cooking series, The Portion of Sports,
15:21 and today we're making a classic Italian appetizer.
15:24 Look what we have here, prosciutto melon balls.
15:25 This will blow your balls off.
15:27 Yeah, the first one went live.
15:27 I only had four comments on them.
15:29 Two were saying yes, Nana, and the other one says,
15:31 he's trying to be Chef Donny.
15:34 He needs to get a new job.
15:35 I said, well, you know what?
15:38 Haters, go and hate.
15:40 I would love to get in the ring with Donny.
15:44 A private session, you know, cage fight.
15:47 No holds bars, no rubbers.
15:51 Just him and I, mano a mano,
15:54 with our prosciutto hanging out.
15:56 Hey, booze, what's for lunch?
15:58 That might be the intro.
16:04 That'd be so funny.
16:06 We get sued.
16:07 Oh my God, we get seen being by Chef Donny.
16:10 And company.
16:12 Oh my God.
16:16 She's a squirter.
16:20 I've never been near a clam that quickly.
16:22 Well, I'm trying to, I'm gonna tell them everyone,
16:25 P&P parties, and in my culture means party and play.
16:30 That means you're doing crystal meth
16:31 and having unprotected sex with groups.
16:33 Here, it's gonna be party P&P,
16:36 but it's pasta and pinot grigio.
16:38 So that's how they, it's a little mind game.
16:43 Wait, can I write my apartment off because it's a set now?
16:47 Ah, yeah, actually.
16:49 I'm gonna need a bigger, we're gonna need a bigger house.
16:53 The critics hit her in.
16:54 Need more abortion content revolving around food.
16:57 No one's hit this category yet.
16:58 Thank y'all.
16:59 Girl, you're in a green, bright, herbaceous,
17:02 so proud of this new series.
17:03 Need more of this in my life.
17:04 Thank you, Nana.
17:05 We did it, Joe.
17:06 Love this.
17:07 Chef Donny would like a word.
17:08 Love this, Jess, been waiting for your cooking content.
17:12 Get it, Nana.
17:13 The toasted sourdough looks so good.
17:15 Thank you.
17:16 Key cuisine, KKK, gently think that through.
17:19 It's two K's.
17:20 Oh, it is two K's.
17:21 What's the play on words?
17:23 Okay.
17:23 (laughing)
17:27 What do you mean, wait?
17:30 Keep watching.
17:31 There he is, working hard.
17:35 He's gonna be so embarrassed.
17:36 Head of our social.
17:37 Wait, who are we?
17:38 That's young Gaz.
17:39 That's Gaz right there.
17:41 This is all the babies.
17:43 Bitches akimbo.
17:45 (laughing)
17:47 Play that again.
17:48 There's so many.
17:49 Oh, he really lives like that.
17:50 Yeah.
17:51 Oh, he does.
17:52 Nice back.
17:53 Yeah, as you can see, I'm here right now.
17:56 So yeah, there's a lot of doppelgangers out there.
17:58 Feidelberg has a few.
17:59 They look like it was an Uncle Chaps on that boat too.
18:01 So yeah, I don't know.
18:02 It's funny.
18:03 I don't know.
18:04 Those guys, Quigs, could have been a Quigs thing.
18:06 You never trust those guys out in Chicago.
18:08 They're always up to some fucking fuckery.
18:10 (whooshing)