Jeeves And Wooster S02 E05 - The Mysterious Stranger (or, Kidnapped)
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00:00This is a big day for the last of the Worcesters, Jeeves. Indeed, sir.
00:07The Drones are electing a new Chairman of the Dining Committee.
00:10Today is the last day for nominations to be in.
00:13Is the Post much sought after, sir? Much sought after, Jeeves.
00:17Suffice it to say that five out of the last seven chairmen
00:20have had to spend considerable time in the Gym Jam Clinic after their periods in office.
00:24The rigours and responsibilities of the Post, sir?
00:27Partly, Jeeves, but mostly the fact that every wine merchant within gargling distance of the Metropolis
00:32is so keen to get the Drones' order that case after case of their most treasured vintage
00:36seems to go astray and end up at the Chairman's private residence.
00:39The ways of commerce are exceedingly odd, sir.
00:41That's not to mention the wine tastings, trips to the vineyard and the slap-up dinners at Chateau Plonk.
00:46Am I to infer, sir, that you might be offering yourself for election?
00:50Your inference is, as always, slap on the button and leading by length in the final furlong, Jeeves.
00:55I have the ear of Uffie Plosser and Uffie has the ear of the Nominations Committee.
00:59Save the congratulations for later, Jeeves, but as the French might say, it is dans la sac.
01:12I'm sorry about this, sir. Can you hear them?
01:15Any difficult lot to hear them, Rogers.
01:17Women and children are huddled in frightened groups as far north as Grosvenor Square.
01:21The Committee's on the warpath about this, I can tell you, sir.
01:25Yes!
01:35What are you cheering about, Barmy?
01:37I finished miles ahead of you fellows.
01:45It's beginning to sound quite professional, Uffie.
01:47We're playing at Barmy's Aunt Hilda's place this weekend. It's her silver wedding anniversary.
01:53Is Barmy's Aunt Hilda Spanish?
01:55Spanish? No.
01:57Why are they playing Lady of Spain, then?
01:59Well, the only other tune we know is Barnacle Bill the Sailor.
02:03Ah, not quite the sort of thing for a silver wedding, you mean.
02:06We didn't think so. Of course, we haven't seen Barmy's Aunt Hilda.
02:10Well, I was sort of hoping to chance upon you, Uffie.
02:13It's about the chairmanship of the Dining Committee.
02:15The election?
02:16Yes, well, I was... What I'm trying to get at is this.
02:19How about edging yours truly onto the list of candidates?
02:21As you know, I've had a certain amount of experience...
02:23No, no, no. Absolutely impossible, Bertie.
02:27Is this Uffie Prosser, I hear?
02:29Saying no, no, no to his oldest and dearest friend, Bertram Wilberforce?
02:33There's nothing I can do, Bertie.
02:35Ever since that scandal about Horace Pendlebury Davenport and the Three Tons of Gorgonzola,
02:40it's been written into the Dining Committee rules that no one with a criminal record may offer himself for election.
02:46A criminal record?
02:48Weren't you up in front of the Magistrate one boat race night for stealing a policeman's helmet?
02:52Yes, right.
02:53You'll find me £5, Bertie.
02:55Aye, it all counts, Bertie.
02:57I'm sorry.
03:09Why, if it isn't Pauline Stoker.
03:11Well, well, well, Bertie Wooster.
03:13What are you doing here?
03:15Oh, you know, this and that, back and forth.
03:17I sort of live just round the corner.
03:18Well, am I glad to see you.
03:20Well, likewise, old prune.
03:22Are you in London for long?
03:23No, just for the day.
03:24Buying the wedding dress.
03:26Ah, that's all charging ahead, is it, you and Chuffy?
03:28Of course it is.
03:34Oh, Bertie.
03:35Giddy on, Pauline.
03:36There's somebody been following me all day.
03:38Following you?
03:39What do you mean, as in following you?
03:41A man with a big ginger beard.
03:43Perhaps he wants to borrow the price of a razor.
03:45Don't look now.
03:47He'll just come round the corner.
03:49Stop.
03:50He's pretending to look in a window.
03:52Well, why can't I look?
03:54All right, look now.
03:56Now he's gone.
03:58Bertie, would you do me a terrific favour?
04:08What a spiffy apartment, Bertie.
04:10Ah, Jeans, we shall be going down to Chuffle Hall for a few days.
04:13Very good, sir.
04:14Good afternoon, Miss Stoker.
04:15Hiya, Jeans.
04:16I trust Mr Stoker as well, Miss?
04:18When they invented the phrase rude health, Jeans,
04:20they didn't know it would get as rude as my father.
04:22Miss Stoker's got a bit of a problem, Jeans.
04:24I'm sorry to hear that, Miss.
04:25Yeah, some fella keeps following her around.
04:27Much as one might disapprove of such a course of action
04:30on the part of a gentleman,
04:32one is scarcely surprised.
04:34Why, Jeans, you old smoothie.
04:36Thank you, Miss.
04:37So, I've been deputed to act as bodyguard.
04:39I shall go down to Chuffle Hall in Miss Stoker's car,
04:41and you can bring the luggage down in mine.
04:43Very good, sir.
04:45Well, you look as if you could use a drink, old girl.
04:47I could, Bertie.
04:48Then hang on to your hat.
04:49In two shakes of a dog's tail,
04:51you shall be rocked in the cradle of a Bertram special.
04:56One doesn't like to intrude, old former fiancée,
04:59but you don't seem the usual effervescent Stoker pea.
05:02Is it this bearded geezer?
05:04No, not really.
05:05It's Chuffy.
05:07Oh, I thought everything was oo-jar-cum-spiff on that front.
05:09Well, it is.
05:10But Chuffy's got this terrible pride, you see.
05:12He won't marry me unless he can support me
05:14in the style I'm accustomed to.
05:16Which, as your esteemed parent owns three-quarters of Chicago
05:19with a fair proportion of the state of Illinois thrown in,
05:21is a bit difficult.
05:22Yes, but Daddy was going to buy Chuffle Hall from him
05:24and turn it into a hotel.
05:26Then he'd have had lots of money.
05:27Was? You said was going to buy Chuffle Hall?
05:29Well, there's a problem.
05:30Something called planning permission or something?
05:32Anyway, whatever it's called, Daddy can't get it.
05:35A bit difficult, there.
05:36Well, yes, but I may have a solution.
05:39They don't want a hotel there,
05:41but apparently they wouldn't say no
05:42to some sort of medical establishment.
05:44And I found this very distinguished old medical bird
05:47who could run it for us, and I'm sure...
05:49Oh, my God!
05:50I'm meant to be having lunch with him in five minutes!
05:55Who saw this old medical bird?
05:56Wouldn't mind there being an extra beak to feed.
05:58There isn't.
05:59He's expecting Daddy to be there anyway.
06:01That's the trouble.
06:03Daddy isn't too keen on the sanatorium idea.
06:06He had his heart set on a hotel.
06:12On the morning in question,
06:14the Earl of Slough awoke to find that during the night his...
06:19Yes, Delia?
06:20The Stokers are not here yet, Roderick.
06:23My dear Delia, I managed to snatch five minutes
06:27continuing work on my memoirs,
06:29and you interrupt me to inform me of an event
06:31which has not happened.
06:32I know, Roderick, and I'm awfully sorry,
06:35but it is so important.
06:37Not to me, Delia.
06:38I have no wish to bury myself in the country.
06:40There is no question of your burying yourself, Roderick.
06:43Sir Wensley Doggett has not buried himself,
06:45and he's got a clinic in Switzerland.
06:47People say he might get peerage next year.
06:50Nonsense!
06:52Doggett is a quack, Delia,
06:54and I'll thank you not to mention his name
06:56in any sort of conjunction with mine.
06:58They're here.
06:59Now, do be nice to them, Roderick.
07:01We're here to see Sir Roderick.
07:03Thank you, sir. Sir Roderick is expecting you.
07:08That's not Sir Roderick Gossip, is it?
07:11Yes. Why?
07:14Oh, my head.
07:20Miss Stoker and Mr. Wooster to see you, Delia.
07:27Miss Stoker, how nice.
07:29Miss Stoker, how nice.
07:31Mr. Wooster.
07:32What ho, Lady Glossop?
07:34I didn't know you knew one another.
07:36Oh, yes.
07:38However, Sir Roderick will be with us directly.
07:41He's working on his memoirs, you know.
07:43Really?
07:44I thought my ears were burning.
07:46Do sit down, won't you?
07:48A glass of lemonade, Miss Stoker.
07:50Thank you.
07:51Mr. Wooster.
07:52Rather, yes.
07:54I really look forward to the old lemonade before luncheon.
07:59I had thought, Miss Stoker, that your father would be with you.
08:05Yes, I know.
08:06He's really sorry he couldn't get here.
08:08Well, no matter.
08:09We shall see him later today when we come down to Chuffnell.
08:12Forgive me.
08:14Forgive me, Miss Stoker.
08:16Mr. Wooster.
08:18What ho, what ho.
08:20The old bad penny, you see.
08:22What are you doing here?
08:23This is jolly.
08:25You all being old friends and everything.
08:30Boy, that'll go in my diary as one of the great lunches of my life.
08:35I don't know.
08:36I thought it all biffed along rather well, considering.
08:38What had you done to those people, Bertie?
08:41I was once engaged to their daughter.
08:43Ah.
08:51You must be out of gas, Bertie.
08:55You must be out of gas, Bertie.
08:57No, I'm fairly sure these things run on petrol.
09:00Oh, Bertie, do something.
09:02You're going to stop, are you?
09:09There's something smoky in there.
09:11What's that?
09:13That's the engine.
09:14All right.
09:15It's not interesting.
09:16I think you'll have to push, Bertie.
09:20It's getting dark, Bertie.
09:21Can't we go any faster?
09:24Bertie, look!
09:26There's a public house up ahead.
09:42Come on, Bertie.
09:53Of course, we don't get many visitors like,
09:56but you're very welcome to the two little rooms we have got.
09:59Now, there's one there, and the other one is here.
10:05The bathroom's down the hall.
10:07They'll be just fine.
10:09Good.
10:19Bertie?
10:22Hello?
10:24Lucky old Chuckie can't see us now, eh?
10:27Lucky? Why?
10:29Well, you know how suspicious and jealous he is.
10:32He'd probably tear you limb from limb.
10:51Come on.
11:12Good morning, Miss Stoker.
11:14Morning, sir.
11:15Ah, Jeeves.
11:16Miss Stoker's car broke down, Jeeves.
11:18In Wiltshire.
11:19I'm surprised that something of the kind had taken place, sir.
11:22Mr. Stoker was inquiring after you at the hall, Miss.
11:25Oh, Lordy.
11:26You didn't tell him I was with old Sweetcheeks here, did you?
11:29When he saw me, Miss, he leapt to that conclusion for himself.
11:32Was he cross?
11:33I could not say, Miss.
11:35A darker hue suffused his cheeks,
11:37and he attempted to kick a passing cat.
11:40Um, I'd better get back to the yacht and explain things.
11:44After all this time, he still thinks Bertie and I are madly in love.
11:49My jacket engagement to Pauline Stoker
11:52seems to have dogged the footsteps, Jeeves.
11:54Indeed it does, sir.
11:56And it lasted two days, and I was unconscious for most of the time.
11:59I recall it with great vividity, sir.
12:01I've always felt it a benezen that the young lady's father
12:04objected to the union with such fervour.
12:06Yeah, me too, Jeeves.
12:07I don't know what I could have been thinking of.
12:09Foreign travel often liberates emotions best kept in check, sir,
12:13and the air of North America is notoriously stale.
12:16And the air of North America is notoriously stimulating in this regard,
12:20as witnessed the regrettable behaviour of its inhabitants in 1776.
12:25Well, what happened in 1776, Jeeves?
12:27I prefer not to dwell on it if it's convenient to you, sir.
12:31Well, all I'm saying is I wish old man Stoker could forget
12:34that I was ever engaged to his dratted daughter.
12:36Chuffy, too, if it comes to that.
12:38He doesn't know I was with Pauline last night, does he?
12:40I could not say, sir. I did not see Lord Chuffnell last evening.
12:47Ah, Bertie! Good to see you.
12:49What, old Chuffy?
12:50I hope you don't think it's an awful crust, me just arriving like this.
12:53What? No, no, no, no, no!
12:55My carcer is your carcer. What?
13:02I say, Bertie, I don't suppose Jeeves will battle for us tonight, would he?
13:06Well, I'll ask him.
13:07The old bird would have had to retire.
13:10We couldn't afford to replace him.
13:13Still, I suppose once you've sold the old pile,
13:15you'll be able to employ an army of butlers.
13:19I want to play!
13:22Hello, young Seabury.
13:23I want to play croquet.
13:25You said I could play the next time you played.
13:27Oh, yes, that's absolutely true, but I'm playing with Mr Worcester.
13:30You remember Mr Worcester, don't you?
13:32What, old Seabury?
13:33He can watch. I'm good at croquet.
13:35There you are, Seabury. Come along, time for your maths class.
13:38I want to play croquet.
13:40Maths first.
13:42Oh, hello, Bertie.
13:44Hello, Myrtle.
13:45Good to see you again.
13:52It's on the knife edge at the moment, Bertie.
13:54If he can get planning permission,
13:56old Stoker's going to take this heap off my hands
13:58in return for vast amounts of oomph,
14:00and I'll be engaged to his beautiful daughter.
14:02Yes, it's not going to be a hotel now, I understand.
14:05No, Pauline met this woman called Glossop,
14:07and she's keen to get it turned into a sanatorium
14:09with her husband running it.
14:10And he's down here staying at the local hostelry, isn't he?
14:12What, Stoker? No, he's on his yacht in the harbour.
14:14No, no, no, I meant Glossop.
14:16Oh, yes, he's at the hotel. Why, do you know him?
14:18Er, yes, I was, er...
14:20I was engaged to his daughter in Noria once.
14:22Oh, Bertie, if there's any girl you haven't been engaged to...
14:34Ah, everyone here yet, Jeeves?
14:36Stokers have not yet arrived, sir,
14:38but Sir Roderick and Lady Glossop are in the drawing room.
14:41Oh, Lord.
14:43Well, better go and play some music, I suppose.
14:45This room will do wonderfully well for your office,
14:48don't you think, Roderick?
14:50Oh, yes. Perfect.
14:52Possibly, possibly.
14:54I shall, of course, retain my consulting rooms in Harley Street.
14:58So many of my patients rely on me.
15:00It must be a fascinating life, Sir Roderick.
15:03It has its rewards, Mrs Pumbleton.
15:05The Marchioness of Clapton said to me only last week...
15:09What, oh?
15:11Worst!
15:13Well, here we are again. What?
15:15You two know each other, I believe.
15:17We do indeed. And what's more...
15:19Would you like a glass of sherry, Bertie?
15:21Oh!
15:22Mr J Washburn Stoker, Miss Stoker and Master Dwight Stoker.
15:27Stoker.
15:29Good evening.
15:31Dwight, darling.
15:33Eve, my sister, Mrs Pumbleton.
15:35Sir Roderick and Lady Glossop.
15:37Oh, and Mr Worcester.
15:39What in Hades is he doing here?
15:42Oh, you know, usual sort of thing.
15:44Is that the one you were engaged to?
15:46Dwight?
15:48He was engaged to my daughter, too.
15:50What?
15:51Well, you know, an engagement here, an engagement there.
15:54Let's all go into dinner, shall we?
15:58It's Dwight's birthday tomorrow.
16:00And how old is the dear little fellow?
16:02He's nine.
16:03I'm going to have a swell party.
16:05I do hope you can come, Seabury.
16:07Oh, yes, he'd love to come.
16:09We've got this wonderful troupe of black-faced minstrels
16:12coming to do the entertainment.
16:14I bet you've never had minstrels at a birthday party before.
16:17I hate minstrels anyway.
16:18Oh, yeah.
16:19Oh, minstrels!
16:21Roderick, do tell them about the Duke of Tooting.
16:24Duke of Tooting?
16:25Yes.
16:26Oh, yes.
16:27The old duke had a minstrels' gallery
16:29at the family seat in Tooting Hall.
16:31And every night at dinner, he used to excuse himself,
16:34creep up to the gallery
16:35and drop boiled sweets on the guests below.
16:37But everyone knew it was him, of course,
16:39but they had to pretend not to.
16:41The family had to call for me eventually.
16:44Bertie once dropped a blancmange on the Bishop of Woolwich
16:47while we were at Oxford.
16:49On a bishop?
16:51Yeah, well, fair's fair, Chuffy.
16:53It wasn't really meant for the bishop.
16:55It was meant for Boco Fittleworth,
16:57but unfortunately, from above, they look very similar.
17:00I do not find this funny, Wooster.
17:02Well, no, you had to be there, really.
17:05Anyway, he looked up to see what was happening,
17:07tripped over the steps and fell straight into the charwell.
17:10At least it washed off the blancmange.
17:12Happy days, happy days.
17:14You didn't say that when they arrested you.
17:16Arrested?
17:17A boyish prank.
17:19And this is the sort of man you choose as a friend?
17:22Yes, I know.
17:23But he means well.
17:24Anyway, he was fried to the tonsils at the time.
17:27Do you mean intoxicated?
17:29Means well?
17:30A man who makes a mockery of the church?
17:32A jailbird? A drunkard?
17:35A womanizer?
17:36Oh, now, calm.
17:37A womanizer, sir!
17:39He deceived my daughter, too.
17:40He was young.
17:42Do you know that your so-called friend
17:44spent last night at a hotel with your fiancée?
17:46Daddy!
17:49More soup, anyone?
17:51You deny it?
17:53It wasn't the way you make it sound.
17:56I'm sure it was all perfectly innocent.
17:59Don't you care?
18:01I mean, I'm sure nothing untoward happened.
18:04How do you know that?
18:05How dare you?
18:06Pauline.
18:07You just take me for granted.
18:10Either that man leaves your house immediately, or I do.
18:13Look, this is my house, and I'll have whoever I like in it.
18:17Then it can stay your house.
18:19You don't love me.
18:20Oh, now, Pauline, you don't understand.
18:23If you think I'm going to let my daughter marry a man
18:25who consorts with common criminals,
18:27you do not know the Middle West of America.
18:31But, Mr. Stoker, the sanatorium!
18:33I never wanted a sanatorium anyway!
18:36Come on, Dwight!
18:43I think you can clear the soup now, Jeeves.
18:46Very good, madam.
18:52I suppose one ought to be prepared, Jeeves,
18:54for one's past to return every now and again
18:56and strike one a nasty blow on the Mazard.
18:58Indeed, sir.
18:59Our least deed, like the young of the land crab,
19:02wins its way to the sea of cause and effect as soon as born.
19:06Ah, quite.
19:07But it hardly seems fair that it should also strike the Mazard
19:10at one's chums.
19:12No, sir.
19:13Now, this ancient matter of the Blamaldrin of Bishop
19:15has come back to haunt poor old Chuffy.
19:17Do you hear music, Jeeves?
19:19Of a sort, sir.
19:20If I'm not mistaken, it comes from up ahead there.
19:23Up ahead there?
19:49It's necessary for these minstrel fellows
19:51to blacken their faces in order to play the banjo and sing songs, Jeeves.
19:55It's said to originate, sir,
19:56with the entertainments got up on the cotton plantations of the New World
20:00by the slaves employed on those facilities
20:03in order to express joy and happiness at their lot.
20:07An unlikely contingency, one surmises,
20:09bearing in mind their situation.
20:12Dashed odd that these fellows should have been playing Lady of Spain, too, though.
20:15That's the only tune that the chaps at the drones know.
20:18Thank you, Bertie.
20:21Who's in there?
20:22It's me, Barmy.
20:24Barmy? What on earth are you doing here?
20:26We're down here to play at my Aunt Hilda's silver wedding party.
20:29What are you playing on the beach for?
20:31Oh, we can't very well practice at Chuffnal Parva.
20:33It's meant to be a surprise.
20:34And we thought we'd give it a try.
20:36I'm afraid we can't.
20:38We can't very well practice at Chuffnal Parva.
20:39It's meant to be a surprise.
20:40And we thought we'd give the holidaymakers a bit of a treat.
20:43You're taking money for making that racket?
20:45Absolutely.
20:46And we've got a job playing on that yacht at a kid's birthday party tonight.
20:50With old man Stoker?
20:51Oh, do you know him? He's paying us five quid.
20:53My mother's going to be absolutely thrilled.
20:55She's always saying I should work for a living.
21:04This is odd, Jeeves.
21:05So?
21:06A letter or missive.
21:11Odder and odder, Jeeves.
21:12Indeed, then.
21:13Not to say downright rummy.
21:15It's a letter of invitation from old Stoker.
21:17He'd be frightfully bucked if I give him a mangle of spot of dinner with him on the boat tonight.
21:21That's peculiar, though, eh?
21:22I do not see the point of this at all, Delia.
21:24I should be better employed back in London and continue my memoir.
21:27We have to try to heal the rift, Roderick, between Lord Chuffnal and the Stokers.
21:32I do not care about the rift.
21:34Besides, it's a pointless trial.
21:35Stoker has retired to his yacht and remains there, in Communicado.
21:39It's Lammas Eve tonight, sir.
21:40Don't you be late now.
21:41I beg your pardon?
21:42We lock up early tonight, sir.
21:44Old Boggy walks on Lammas Eve.
21:46Superstitious rubbish.
21:48Old Boggy?
21:49You don't know any Boggies, do we, Roderick?
21:53I must say, Jeeves, jolly decent of old Stoker to extend the olive branch like this.
21:59Ahoy, Gypsy Queen!
22:02Ahoy, Jeeves.
22:04It is the correct form of nautical address, sir.
22:07The sort of thing they only said in books.
22:09Who is it?
22:10It's Mr. Worcester and his manservant requesting permission to board, sir.
22:14Come aboard.
22:23Ahoy there, Stoker.
22:25Well, well, well.
22:29Well, fine-looking craft, this.
22:31Well, we like it.
22:35Why don't I show you over?
22:37Dash to the lobby.
22:43This is the main saloon, just being prepared for the festivities.
22:47Ah, little Dwight's birthday, of course.
22:54Who's boarding around this evening?
22:56My daughter.
22:58She has a headache.
22:59Let me show you one of the estate rooms.
23:02What do you think of that?
23:04Very nice.
23:05Go in. Have a look around.
23:12Fill the bed.
23:16Yes, sir.
23:23Mr. Stoker appears to have locked us in, sir.
23:26Good heavens.
23:31What on earth has he done that for?
23:34Why can't I go to the party?
23:37Well, Uncle Chuffey's had a bit of a disagreement with Mr. Stoker, Seabury.
23:41And we thought...
23:42I haven't!
23:44No, but you sometimes have disagreements with young Dwight, don't you?
23:48I'd still want to go to his party.
23:50They're so logical at that age, aren't they?
23:57MUSIC PLAYS
24:18Now, look here, Stoker.
24:19Wait outside, please.
24:21Very good, sir.
24:26Now, look here, I know this is trespassing on your time.
24:28Could you possibly tell me what on earth this is all about?
24:30You don't know?
24:31Hanged if I do.
24:32And you can't guess?
24:34Hanged if I can.
24:35Wooster, you spent the night at a hotel with my daughter.
24:38No, no, no, no.
24:40Well, that's to say, yes, but...
24:43There was a time when I was younger when I would have broken your neck.
24:47Oh, I see.
24:48Nowadays, I'm more sensible.
24:51I take the easier way.
24:53Oh, good.
24:56Hey, Jeeves.
24:57Yes, miss?
24:58Can I have a word?
24:59Certainly, miss.
25:01This is not the situation I would have chosen personally,
25:04but my hand is forced and that's all there is to it.
25:07What are your views on engagements, Wooster?
25:10Engagements?
25:11I prefer them short.
25:13I feel we should put this wedding through as quickly as possible.
25:16Wedding?
25:17Wooster, you are going to make my daughter an honourable woman.
25:21Oh, no, no, no, no. Now, look here.
25:23There are certain formalities, of course.
25:25And while these are being tended to, you will be my guest.
25:28Well, that's awfully decent of you.
25:30And now I must get back to my son's birthday party.
25:35You don't have to go back in there, Jeeves.
25:37I have no quarrel with you.
25:39My place is at Mr. Wooster's side, sir.
25:42As you wish.
25:52You're abreast of the latest developments, Jeeves?
25:54Yes, sir.
25:55He's going to make me marry Pauline.
25:57Miss Stoker related to me an outline of the plan that Mr. Stoker had made, sir.
26:00Why, Joe Jeeves, an idea suddenly occurs to me.
26:03It's all very well for Stoker to talk airily about marrying us off,
26:06but he can't do it.
26:08Miss Stoker will simply put her ears back and refuse to cooperate.
26:11You could lead a horse to the altar, Jeeves, but you can't make it drink.
26:15In my recent conversation with the young lady, sir,
26:18I did not receive the impression that she was antagonistic to the arrangements.
26:22What?
26:23Miss Stoker's attitude was influenced by the thought, sir,
26:25that in contracting a matrimonial alliance with you,
26:28she would be making a gesture of defiance at Lord Chufnell.
26:31Scoring off him, you mean?
26:32Yes, sir.
26:33Oh, what a damned silly idea, Jeeves.
26:35The girl must be cuckoo.
26:36Feminine psychology is admittedly odd, sir.
26:39The poet Pope may...
26:40Oh, never mind about the poet Pope, Jeeves.
26:42No, sir.
26:43There are times when one wants to hear all about the poet Pope,
26:45and times when one doesn't.
26:47Very true, sir.
26:48The point is, if that's the way she feels, then I'm a picked man.
26:51Yes, sir.
26:52Unless...
26:54Unless?
26:55I was wondering, sir,
26:57whether it might not be best to obviate all unpleasantness
27:00by removing yourself from the yacht.
27:03What a tragedy, Jeeves.
27:05What a tragedy.
27:06After all these years,
27:07that superb brain of yours has come unstuck at the edges.
27:10The matter might be easily arranged if you're agreeable, sir.
27:13You mean this is not mere gibbering, Jeeves?
27:16I think not, sir.
27:17We have three requirements.
27:19Firstly, a pair of tweezers.
27:22Next, a sheet of paper, sir.
27:27Indeed, sir,
27:28I'm inclined to think that your removal
27:30from the general vicinity of Chuck Norwegis is to be advised.
27:36I believe, sir,
27:37that there is a train to London at 20 minutes past ten.
27:42Good heavens, Jeeves.
27:44Thank you, sir.
27:45But you said we needed three things.
27:47Oh, indeed, sir.
27:48While at liberty,
27:49I venture to purloin this.
27:51And what is this, Jeeves?
27:53Boot polish, sir.
28:20Ify, old sport.
28:21I'm in a bit of a jam.
28:22I need to borrow your natty headgear and jacket.
28:24I don't know for.
28:25Stoker's after me.
28:26He's got me prisoner on the boat.
28:28I say.
28:29Hooray!
28:30I say.
28:31Hooray!
29:01Lady of Spain, I adore you
29:05Right from the first time I saw you
29:09My heart has been yearning for you
29:13What else could any heart do?
29:21He recognises me.
29:22I'll have to jump over the side.
29:24Splendid.
29:25Thank you so much.
29:27Thank you.
29:28Thank you so much.
29:29Thank you.
29:52I wonder how you get this blasted stuff off your face.
29:55Butter.
29:56Butter?
29:57That's what Barmy said, anyway.
30:04Gan?
30:05I tried to reason with him, sir, but nothing would dissuade him.
30:09Where's he gone?
30:10He swam ashore, sir.
30:12It is my conjecture that he has gone to catch a train to London.
30:15Well, he's not going to get out of his responsibilities as easily as that.
30:19On the other hand, it is possible he may return to Chufnell Hall.
30:23I could try the station.
30:24But how can I go back to the hall?
30:26It might be managed by stealth, sir.
30:29You mean creep up to his bedroom?
30:31Merely a proposal, sir.
30:33And nab him where he lies.
30:35Precisely, sir.
30:36It would be a famous victory were you to abstract Mr. Worcester from under their very noses.
30:41You're right. You're right.
30:43But what if anyone saw me?
30:45If I might make a suggestion, sir.
30:48Oh, go ahead, Jeeves.
30:49In operations of this type, particularly if they are of a nocturnal nature,
30:53it is often thought necessary to resort to camouflage.
30:57Hey!
30:58Exactly, sir.
30:59A blackened face will often conceal one from all but the most assiduous searcher.
31:03Sort of melt into the darkness.
31:05Yes, sir.
31:07Fine, Jiminy Jeeves, I'll do it.
31:09I'll look for him at the station.
31:10And if he's not there, I'll know where to find him.
31:13Thinks he can make a fool of Jay Washburn Stoker, does he?
31:24I'm sure we'll be able to talk to Mr. Stoker.
31:27He's a reasonable man.
31:28No, he isn't.
31:29He's made his mind up.
31:30I was really looking forward to those minstrels.
31:33Yes, it would have been nice, Seabury, dear.
31:35Never mind.
31:36You'll see the minstrels another time.
31:38I won't.
31:39You never let me have minstrels on my birthday.
31:42You like the minstrels, do you, Seabury?
31:44They're fun.
31:45They sing and do tap dancing.
31:47And one of them tells jokes.
31:49Roderick has an awfully fine voice.
31:52Really?
31:53Oh, yes.
31:54He was greatly in demand when he was younger.
31:56Can he tell jokes?
31:57No.
31:59Well...
32:01It's no good.
32:02You have to black your face.
32:03Ah, well, I certainly...
32:06Come on, Jeeves, put some faith into it.
32:08Very good, sir.
32:09That rooster's not going to get away with this.
32:12Thinks he can play fast and loose with my daughter, does he?
32:16You coming with me, Jeeves?
32:18I think it would be more appropriate if I waited here, sir.
32:21Right.
32:22And I'll be back with Wooster.
32:32I'll be glad when that last train's gone and I'm safe home tonight, Cedric.
32:36Yeah.
32:41Glass?
32:42Oh, my God!
32:45It's old Bucky.
32:46He's here.
32:48Mark, hold the pace.
32:50Boy, it was horrible.
32:51An horrible place.
32:52We went and had a really good time.
32:54It was horrible.
32:55Horrible.
33:00I'm singing in the rain
33:02Just singing in the rain
33:04What a glorious feeling
33:07I'm happy again
33:10Don't you know the tune?
33:12Of course I know the tune.
33:14Well, you're a rotten singer, then.
33:16Seabury, you mustn't be rude.
33:19What a very forthright little chap he is.
33:22Tis old Boggy.
33:24He be abroad tonight.
33:26He be heading for the railway station.
33:31Come on, Denny's.
33:32We've got to see what's natural.
33:35I'm going to call for reinforcements.
33:36You remember what happened last Llamas Eve.
33:38You go and start the car.
33:41I'm singing, just singing in the rain
33:50What about jokes?
33:51Jokes?
33:52Minstrels tell jokes.
33:54Might be better than your singing.
33:56Yes, very well.
33:57Jokes.
33:59Ah, yes.
34:00Now, for this joke,
34:01you have to imagine that I am two people.
34:04What do you mean?
34:05Two people.
34:06Person A and Person B.
34:08Get on with it, then.
34:11Well, Person A says,
34:13My wife's gone to the East Indies.
34:15And Person B inquires,
34:17Jakarta.
34:18Whereupon Person A reposts,
34:20No, she went by boat.
34:27Is that meant to be a joke?
34:31Jakarta, you see, is the capital city of Java.
34:34Only Person B was under the impression
34:36that while Person A...
34:37Well, I think you tell rotten jokes.
34:39You can't sing,
34:40and you look completely stupid.
34:42Seabury.
34:43Seabury.
34:49Get out!
34:50And stay out!
34:52I have every intention of so doing.
35:02What ho, what ho!
35:04Good God!
35:06Only B. Worcester.
35:07You are no doubt wondering, Mr. Worcester,
35:09what is the explanation for all this?
35:11No, no, no.
35:12I was endeavouring to entertain young Master Seabury
35:15by dressing as a minstrel.
35:17Oh? What went wrong?
35:18Seabury was unappreciative.
35:20For once in my life, I lost control.
35:22I cuffed him round the ear.
35:24And Chuffy threw you out?
35:25He did indeed.
35:27Mr. Worcester,
35:28we have had our differences...
35:30No, no, no, no.
35:31I feel a distinct warming towards you, Sir Roderick.
35:33Now I learn that you managed to give little Seabury
35:35one or two on the spot indicated.
35:37Only one, I regret to say.
35:38But it was a good one.
35:40Seems to bring us closer together, though, eh?
35:42However, the burning issue of the hour is
35:44how are we going to get this blasted stuff off our faces?
35:46Barmy says one needs butter.
35:47Yes, I certainly can't go back to my hotel in this state.
35:49No, and I can't get on a train without them setting the police on me.
35:52We could try in the village.
35:54We could take my car.
35:57Everyone's in blackface,
35:59with horrible staring eyes.
36:02Just a minute.
36:10It's him!
36:11He's back!
36:16We're not, we're not cold!
36:17No, no, I said...
36:18Put the phone down!
36:21Tell him we've got an emergency.
36:22He's vanished, Uncle Ted.
36:23Where do you think he's gone?
36:24We're in the car.
36:26I haven't finished my drink yet!
36:28I've just got my beer!
36:30Another way out, Barmy.
36:32We can't stop here, we'll be late.
36:41Fred, it's out of my hands!
36:56Where can we find butter in this godforsaken place?
37:01I say, Aunt Hilda will have butter.
37:03You have an aunt nearby?
37:05No, no, but Barmy Funky Phipps does.
37:07Just north of Parva, the other way through the village.
37:27There's two of them, though!
37:30Turn around, turn around!
37:37Sorry, Uncle Dennis!
37:39Sorry, Uncle Ted.
37:45What's that farce now, Dennis?
37:48He hates the devil and all his works, Uncle Ted.
37:51Very commendable, Dennis.
37:53But this is a known car, Barmy.
37:56They've sent the police on us!
37:59I barely touched the lead!
38:03This must be it.
38:05Is this it, Glossop?
38:22Now, you mind your manners here, Dennis.
38:24We're dealing with the upper crust here.
38:26They don't understand about boggies.
38:28All right, Uncle Ted.
38:36Ladies and gentlemen.
38:39Dear friends.
38:41You all know my nephew, Cyril Funky Phipps.
38:45Two creatures, you say?
38:47With blackened faces.
38:49And horrible stereoids.
38:51There are no creatures in this house, my good man.
38:54There'll be, go on, Uncle Ted.
38:56And formed a band.
38:58And so it is my proud privilege to present
39:02the Dover Street Jazzamaniacs.
39:16Oh, my God!
39:18Don't be afraid, nephew.
39:20Old Buggy and his cunninus
39:22sought out the ideal place to conceal himself.
39:24You mean some of them creatures up there is not Buggy's?
39:27Some of them's as human as you or me.
39:29Question is, which ones?
39:32Who's there?
40:03Here!
40:06Arrest them all!
40:33With all due respect, Mr Stoker,
40:36you could hardly think of allowing your only daughter
40:39to marry a gentleman as eccentric as Mr Worcester.
40:43Hold hard, Jeeves!
40:45Nor would a sanatorium be likely to thrive
40:48were it to become known that not only the owner
40:51but also the chief physician
40:53had been arrested with blackened faces
40:56and charged with occasioning a breach of the peace.
40:59It will ruin me!
41:01Well, I'm not buying that goddamn house anyway!
41:04That would seem to be a pity, sir.
41:06If you would let me give Lord Chufnell your assurance
41:09that you would buy his house
41:11and that you will allow him to marry your daughter,
41:14I'm sure that he could persuade the magistrate
41:16to take a lenient view of your parts in this sorry affair.
41:20How can you be sure of that, Jeeves?
41:23I think you will find, sir,
41:25that Lord Chufnell is in a unique position
41:27to effect such a persuasion.
41:29These are serious charges.
41:33But I'm inclined to believe that you,
41:37Alfred Trotsky,
41:39and you, Frederick Aloysius Lennon,
41:43were led astray.
41:45You are discharged.
41:49But as for the rest of you,
41:51Wilk and Israeli,
41:54Buffy Lloyd George,
41:56Barney Lord Tennyson,
41:59and the rest,
42:01not only have you been guilty of a breach of the peace
42:04of considerable magnitude,
42:06I also strongly suspect
42:08that you have given false names and addresses.
42:12You are each fined the sum of five pounds.
42:15Oh, I say!
42:17Quiet, Dr. Crippen!
42:20Well, I don't think there was any need
42:22to describe me as eccentric, Jeeves.
42:24It was a word that Mr. Stoker
42:26would readily understand and disapprove of, sir.
42:28It was essential that matters be brought
42:30to a speedy conclusion.
42:32Yes, I appreciate that.
42:34Be some strange man, spend the night with him at a hotel,
42:36and you're not even jealous?
42:38Why should I be jealous?
42:40Bertie spent the night in his car.
42:42You don't know that.
42:44Bertie spent the night in his car.
42:46Yes, Bertie spent the night in his car.
42:48You don't know that.
42:50I do. I saw him.
42:52What do you mean?
42:54I saw everything you did in London. I followed you.
42:56You were that creature in the ginger beard.
42:58I thought it rather suited me.
43:00How dare you!
43:02You trust me so little you have to follow me about all day?
43:04You worm!
43:06You were just complaining that I trusted you too much.
43:08That's a totally different thing.
43:10To care about me is one thing.
43:12To put on a false beard and trail about London after me...
43:14Your scheme seems to have gone rather aglay, Jeeves.
43:16Oh, I hardly think so, sir.
43:18I imagine that the young couple will spend much of their happily married lives
43:21in a state of similar emotional turmoil.
43:24Well, wouldn't do for me, Jeeves.
43:26Indeed not, sir.
43:28Pauline!
43:30Chufno!
43:32I was just saying to my good friend Sir Roderick here
43:34we ought to all go down to the yacht
43:36and open one or two bottles of the best champagne.
43:38Champagne?
43:40To celebrate the purchase of Chufno Hall?
43:42It's an engagement!
43:44Oh, Daddy!
43:48Seems a bit chancy to me, Jeeves.
43:50Not entirely, sir.
43:52The essential goal was to demonstrate to Mr. Stoker
43:54that even an innocent man can sometimes come close to a criminal record.
43:57How did you know he was going to be arrested when you set him ashore?
44:00It is often profitable to study local folklore, sir.
44:03It seemed unlikely that with his face blackened
44:06Mr. Stoker would get very far on the night Old Boggy is said to walk.
44:10Old Boggy is believed to knock on innocent persons' doors
44:13and when they answer
44:15to pull them down to hell by their garters.
44:17Garters, eh?
44:19What a mine of information you are, Jeeves.
44:21Thank you, sir.
44:22Well, that all went off quite well, I thought.
44:24You'll pardon me for saying so, Mr. Prosser,
44:26but it seems to me that it raises considerable difficulties
44:29for the Drone's Club Dining Committee.
44:31The Dining Committee?
44:33Rule 27A, sir.
44:35No member with a criminal record may offer himself for election.
44:38Good God, you're right, Jeeves.
44:40We've all got criminal records now.
44:42I imagine, sir, that a further emendation of the rule book might be indicated.
44:46In which case, I might still conceivably be persuaded to stand off him.
44:53Jeeves, I find it hard to believe that you thought it worth your while
44:57to get half the members of the Drones into the dock
44:59merely to ease my way onto the Dining Committee.
45:01The methods were perforce draconian, sir,
45:04but the stakes were high.
45:06A diminution in the wine bill each month
45:08should mean a considerable saving in the housekeeping.