Jeeves And Wooster S02 E03 - The Con (or, Pearls Mean Tears)
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00:00Have you ever noticed a rummy thing about life, Jeeves?
00:08No, sir.
00:09Just when you're feeling at your most braced about things in general,
00:13something always comes along and gives it to you in the neck.
00:16Very true, sir.
00:17Still, there you are, I suppose.
00:18Well, Jeeves, I know you're disappointed.
00:19No, no, sir.
00:20I wanted to go to Cap Tontine, too.
00:21I thought it was a good idea.
00:22I thought it was a good idea.
00:23I thought it was a good idea.
00:24I thought it was a good idea.
00:25I thought it was a good idea.
00:26I thought it was a good idea.
00:27I thought it was a good idea.
00:28Cap Tontine, too.
00:29Aren't they the same thing, is it?
00:31West Cumons Sea.
00:33I'm sure it will be most agreeable, sir.
00:37Minor doors, please.
00:39I mean, what's the matter, man?
00:45You've the ones, Jeeves.
00:48I could not say, sir.
00:53Indeed not, sir.
00:58The last time she sent a telegram, it was for a dog.
01:00A dog, sir?
01:01Yes, I was looking after Macintosh for her, and the poor chap had gone off his feed.
01:06She sent a telegram from the south of France saying,
01:08eat up your nice food and mummy will be back on Tuesday.
01:11Did the animal's appetite improve, sir?
01:13Not noticeably. We let the telegram, though.
01:24Afternoon, sir. Welcome to Westcombe.
01:35Ah, Bertie, at last.
01:37You look very unhealthy.
01:39Hello, Aunt Agatha.
01:41Westcombe will be good for you.
01:43So much better than spending your time in stuffy London nightclubs.
01:46Yes, but...
01:47Come along, Bertie.
01:48Now, Bertie, I have met just the girl I should like to see you marry.
01:52But I don't want to get married.
01:54Her name is Aileen Hemingway.
01:56A nice, quiet girl.
01:58Oh, so different to those bold girls one meets in London nowadays.
02:02But I like bold girls.
02:03Stop interrupting, Bertie.
02:05Her brother is curate at Chipley and the Glen in Dorset.
02:09We've become great friends.
02:11But I'm young.
02:12And he tells me that they're connected to the Kent Hemingways.
02:15I want to enjoy life.
02:17You should be breeding children, Bertie.
02:20I say, dash it, Aunt Agatha.
02:22Only quiet, Bertie.
02:24Ah, here they are.
02:26Aileen dear, Sidney, I want you to meet my nephew, Bertie Worcester.
02:30Such a surprise.
02:32I had no idea he intended coming to Westcombe.
02:35How do you do, Mr Worcester?
02:37How do you do?
02:38Welcome to Westcombe-on-Sea, Mr Worcester.
02:40Welcome, welcome.
02:42Oh, thank you.
02:44Sidney, doesn't Mr Worcester remind you of Cannon Blankensop
02:47who came to Chipley to preach last Easter?
02:50Yes, yes, the resemblance is most striking.
02:54The Hemingways have kindly offered to show you Westcombe, Bertie.
03:17The municipal gardens, first laid out in their present form in 1907,
03:32provide a haven of peace and tranquillity for the weary traveller.
03:38Here the spirit may be refreshed by a verdant brook and an abundance of water.
04:05I may well be for it this time, Gene.
04:07I trust not so.
04:08I mean, I don't pretend to be Sherlock Holmes or anything,
04:11but I took one look at this Aileen Hemingway and I said to myself,
04:14Bertie, that girl plays the organ in the village church.
04:17An ear for music is often a blessing
04:19in whiling away the long winter evenings around the family hearth, sir.
04:23There isn't going to be any whiling, Jeeves.
04:25Not with me and Miss Hemingway, there isn't.
04:27Very good, sir.
04:28Have you ever seen a floral clock, Jeeves?
04:30I've not had that pleasure, sir.
04:31No, well, don't.
04:32Have nothing whatever to do with floral clocks.
04:34If a friend says just one more floral clock can't do you any harm, be firm.
04:38I shall do as you recommend, sir.
04:41I wonder if I might crave a boon, sir.
04:44Crave away, Jeeves.
04:45A family matter requires my presence in the metropolis tomorrow.
04:49Jeeves, you're not going to leave me alone with the Hemingways.
04:52I shall be back by tea time, sir.
04:54A niece of mine has contracted an unfortunate alliance
04:57and the mother has asked that I might reason with the child.
05:01Oh, very well, Jeeves.
05:02Thank you, sir.
05:03Will that be all, sir?
05:04Yes, that's all.
05:17Hey, Sidney.
05:18Have you not arrived?
05:19Why, Elinor, there's Mr. Worcester.
05:22Oh, hello, reverend.
05:24Oh, hello, Miss Hemingway.
05:25Nice to meet you.
05:34Oh, Bertie!
05:36Ah, what do you want, Agatha?
05:38Have you seen the Hemingways this morning?
05:40Ah, well, no. I was going to talk to you about that.
05:42They have arranged a little excursion for you to the museum in Elmouth.
05:46Look, I don't want to go to any blasted museum.
05:49Bertie!
05:50Shh!
05:52Kindly restrain your language, Bertie.
05:55Shh!
05:56Shh!
05:57Shh!
05:58Shh!
05:59Shh!
06:00Shh!
06:01Kindly restrain your language, Bertie.
06:03Shh!
06:04The Elmouth Museum is renowned for its collection of napped flints.
06:08Ah, well, that's the trouble, you see.
06:10Only last week the doctor said I wasn't even to look at another napped flint.
06:13Sir, I know, but...
06:14Don't talk drivel, Bertie.
06:16And stand up straight!
06:31Bertie!
07:02My word, Eileen.
07:04What a splendid collection of arrowheads.
07:09A collection of flint arrowheads
07:11found by Mr. George Foster in his garden in Little Elmouth,
07:15presented to the Elmouth Museum by his widow, Mrs. Maude Foster,
07:20on the occasion of their wedding anniversary, October 1922.
07:24Oh.
07:25Well, I'm sure you'll like it.
07:27Their wedding anniversary, October 1922.
07:30Oh.
07:31What a romantic story, Mr. Wooster.
07:33Yes!
07:41Ah, Jeeves, you're back.
07:42Thank heavens.
07:43I thought I was going to be left on my own forever.
07:45Just me, Eileen, Hemingway and a napped flint.
07:48I caught the 2.30 train, sir.
07:51Brandy and solo, Jeeves.
07:52Very good, sir.
07:54Did you have a pleasant afternoon, sir?
07:56You have a cruel streak, Jeeves.
07:58I hadn't realised it before.
08:00What blighter was it that invented the bicycle?
08:02The first truly rideable machine
08:04was made by Mr. Kirkpatrick Macmillan of Dumfriesshire in Scotland
08:08in, um, 1839, I believe, sir.
08:12Too late to do anything about it now, I suppose.
08:14I fear so, sir.
08:16A Mr. Biffin called you up on the telephone while you were out, sir.
08:20Biffin?
08:21Good heavens, what did he want?
08:23He did not confide in me, sir,
08:24except to say that he is staying in Westcombe at the Hotel Riviera
08:28and would call on you later.
08:30Well, well, well, well.
08:31Old Biffin.
08:32I thought he was safely stowed away in Herefordshire
08:34wearing gaiters and prodding pigs.
08:37Still, make a welcome break from the Hemingways.
08:40As to that, sir,
08:41it occurred to me that a day at the racecourse tomorrow
08:44might provide a pleasant interlude.
08:46It might also serve as a means of evading
08:48the Reverend Hemingway and his sister.
08:50Jeeves, the nostrils positively quiver.
08:53Like an old warhorse scenting battle.
08:55Can you make the arrangements?
08:56I have taken the liberty, sir,
08:58of ordering a hamper and hiring a car.
09:10Well, this is the life, eh, Jeeves?
09:12Most agreeable, Sam.
09:17You wouldn't get this in Antibes, Jeeves.
09:20Oh, by the by, I didn't ask you
09:21how you got on with your niece yesterday.
09:23Not well, I fear, sir.
09:25The young suitor with whom she had become embroiled
09:27seems to be not so much inappropriate as missing.
09:30He has jilted her, sir.
09:32Ah, these young chaps, Jeeves.
09:34Very true, sir.
09:35Anyway, what about Bluebottle for the next?
09:38I think not, sir.
09:40The animal was standing at sixes at last night's call over
09:43and has since lengthened to 15 to 2,
09:45so it seems likely that something untoward is known.
09:48Er, Banana Fritter?
09:50A much more attractive proposition, sir.
09:52A very lively creature, I'm told,
09:54and although somewhat light-boned,
09:56not lacking in stamina.
09:57Right.
09:58A fiver on the nose on Banana Fritter, then, Jeeves.
10:19Oh!
10:45Well, they'll never find me here, Jeeves.
10:47I trust not, sir.
10:48No, Jeeves.
10:49After yesterday's splendid day at the races, I feel lucky.
10:52Are you, er, quite comfortable, sir?
10:55You know, Jeeves, I don't think I am, yes.
10:57This might catch on.
10:58In that case, I shall return to the hotel, sir,
11:01and continue with our ironing.
11:03Oh, did we, er, did we ever hear from Biffy again, Jeeves?
11:06Mr Biffin? No, sir.
11:08No, probably forgotten all about it.
11:10Biffy's got the worst memory you've ever come across, Jeeves.
11:13Compared with Biffy,
11:14I come out as one of the ten great minds of modern times.
11:30Oi!
11:40Now you, Mr Worcester!
11:42Good heavens!
11:43Er, Miss Hemingway.
11:44Um, I was... I was just looking for you.
11:47Oh, Mr Worcester.
11:49I don't know how to begin.
11:52Something up?
11:53Ahem.
11:54The fact is, Mr Worcester,
11:56a most deplorable thing has occurred.
11:59Yesterday, I went to the races.
12:01Oh, what an extraordinary thing. So did I.
12:03Er, did you click?
12:05If you mean, was I successful, I must answer in the negative.
12:08Oh, Sidney!
12:09I lost my little awl, Mr Worcester.
12:12At the racecourse, I encountered one of my parishioners,
12:15a Colonel Musgrave,
12:17who happened to be holidaying there.
12:19I, er, induced him to cash me a cheque for £100.
12:23Well, better luck that.
12:24Finding someone to slip it into, first crack out of the box.
12:27I burn with shame at the confession,
12:30but I immediately placed the £100 on Little Demon in the last race.
12:34Little Demon?
12:35Little Demon.
12:38I say, you did have a day out.
12:40The most lamentable feature of the whole matter
12:43is that I have no funds in the bank.
12:46Oh, my dear chap, I'll say no more.
12:48Um, if you'll just dig me out of here.
12:51Oh, yes.
12:52Careful.
13:01Mr Worcester, we can't let you lend us all this money without any security.
13:05Oh!
13:06No, I insist.
13:07You don't know us.
13:09We might be the most dreadful confidence tricksters.
13:11No, Worcester, really.
13:13No, I insist.
13:15My pearls.
13:17I don't know what they're worth.
13:20They were a present from my poor father.
13:23Now, alas, no more.
13:25But I know they must be worth ever so much more than the amount we want.
13:28Oh, no, Dashie, look, there's no need for security.
13:30Only that sort of rot. Only too happy.
13:32Mr Worcester, we appreciate your beautiful, heartening confidence in us,
13:36but we cannot permit this.
13:38There.
13:42If you could just give me a receipt as a matter of form.
13:45Receipt, yes, of course.
13:47Shall I?
13:48Yes.
13:55Hemingway with two Ns.
14:02Biffy!
14:12Biffy!
14:15Biffy!
14:19Biffy!
14:20Bertie!
14:21Thank God!
14:22Well, well.
14:23Don't leave me, Bertie. I'm lost.
14:25What do you mean, lost?
14:26I came out for a walk and suddenly discovered I didn't know where on earth I was.
14:30I ran in circles for hours.
14:32Well, why didn't you ask the way back to your hotel?
14:34I was going to, and I realised I'd forgotten its name.
14:37I'd recognise it if I saw it.
14:39It's got big doors and a sort of roof.
14:42Oh, I'd give a shilling to know the name of that hotel.
14:44Well, you can owe it to me. It's the Hotel Revere.
14:47This is uncanny, Bertie. Do you have second sight?
14:50No, it's the address you left with Jeeves the other day.
14:52What on earth are you doing in West Command C?
14:54Bertie, old man, I came here to try and forget.
14:57You seem to have managed that all right.
14:59Anyway, I was going to tell you, Bertie.
15:01Last year, on the line of going to New York, I met a girl.
15:08Well, that was dash interesting, Biffy.
15:10Do you know who I saw at the drones the other day?
15:12She was wonderful.
15:14We used to walk on the boat deck after dinner.
15:16She was on the stage.
15:18She'd saved up a few pounds and was on her way to New York to see if she could get a job.
15:22Her father had a milk walk in, er, Clapham.
15:24Or it may have been Cricklewood.
15:27At least there was either a milk walk or a boot shop.
15:29Yes, well, easily confused.
15:31But what I'm trying to make you understand is she came of good, sturdy, middle-class stock.
15:34The sort of wife any man would have been proud of.
15:36Well, whose wife was she?
15:38Nobody's. That's the whole point of the story.
15:40Oh.
15:41I wanted her to be mine. And I lost her.
15:44What do you mean you, er, you had a quarrel?
15:46No, I mean I literally lost her.
15:48Oh. Well, there you are, Biffy.
15:50That's it! That's it! That's my hotel!
15:53Come on in, Bertie. I want to tell you the whole story.
15:55Well, actually, I...
16:05I shall wear my pearls, Thompson.
16:07Yes, madam.
16:17Pardon me, madam. Have you moved them?
16:21Oh.
16:25They've gone!
16:30My pearls have gone!
16:33Someone has stolen my pearls!
16:41I hold you responsible, Mr Bellweather!
16:44You are responsible for employing your staff!
16:47You are responsible for their honesty, or lack of it!
16:50We can handle this discreetly, Mrs Gregson.
16:52Mrs Gregson, the staff will be searched.
16:54There's no reason to call the police.
16:56The police have already been called!
16:58Something has to be done!
17:01Oh, do be quiet, girl!
17:14The last I ever saw of her was in the custom sheds in New York.
17:18We were behind a pile of trunks,
17:20and I'd just asked her to be my wife,
17:22and she'd just said she would.
17:24When a most offensive blighter in a peaked cap
17:26came up to talk about some cigarettes he'd found in the bottom of my trunk,
17:30it was getting pretty late by then,
17:32so I told Mabel to go on to her hotel,
17:35and I'd come round next day and take her to lunch.
17:39And I haven't set eyes on her since.
17:41You mean she wasn't at the hotel?
17:43Probably she was. I don't know.
17:46You don't mean you never turned up?
17:48To put it in a word,
17:49by the time I'd done half an hour's heavy explaining about the cigarettes,
17:52I'd forgotten the name of the hotel.
17:55Well, that's all right. You could make inquiries.
17:57No, I couldn't make inquiries.
17:59The fact is, I'd forgotten her name.
18:01Oh, no, dash it! How could you forget her name?
18:04Besides, you told it to me a moment ago. Muriel or something.
18:06Mabel?
18:08If I saw her name, I'd forgotten.
18:10No, but half a second.
18:11You must have told her your name. She could trace you.
18:13Exactly. She knows my name and where I live and everything.
18:16But I haven't heard a word from her.
18:18I suppose when I didn't turn up at the hotel,
18:20she thought I'd changed my mind and just dumped her.
18:42Get it round the side.
18:46Get it round the side.
18:57Superintendent, I am a taxpayer.
19:01I request the police to investigate a simple crime,
19:03and what response do I get?
19:05None!
19:08It so happens that my late husband
19:10was a good friend of your chief constable.
19:13Now will you do your duty and arrest that girl?
19:21Extraordinary ruckus going on out there, Jeeves.
19:24Indeed, sir. Mrs. Gregson has lost her pearls.
19:28Really? Pearls, eh?
19:30That's a bit of a coincidence.
19:32So?
19:33Well, the reverend and his sister are leaving her pearls with me.
19:40Good news, Mr. Worcester.
19:42Wonderful news.
19:43I'm able to repay the money you so generously lent me.
19:46Well, that's good, isn't it?
19:48We're so relieved.
19:49If you could just let us have my pearls back now.
19:51For which we have received.
19:53Of course. Jeeves, the pearls.
19:55So, had a bit of luck, eh?
19:57Not on the GGs, I hope.
20:02There you are.
20:03Thank you.
20:06Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Worcester.
20:09It doesn't seem to...
20:11Jeeves!
20:12The pearls are gone.
20:14Good heavens, sir.
20:15Whatever can have happened to them?
20:18Whatever could have happened to them, Jeeves?
20:20Echo answers whatever, sir.
20:24This is a most serious development, Mr. Worcester.
20:27Well, yes.
20:28A poor parson is scarcely in a position to bear such a loss.
20:31No, no, no, no. I see that.
20:33The pearls were valued at some 3,000 pounds, Mr. Worcester.
20:42What a ghastly coincidence, Jeeves.
20:44Aunt Agatha and I both losing pearl necklaces.
20:47Not entirely a coincidence, sir.
20:49I first suspected that something was amiss
20:52when I saw the Reverend Hemingway
20:54selling tips at the racecourse yesterday.
20:56Selling tips?
20:57What rot!
20:58Men of the cloth don't sell tips, Jeeves.
21:00You're allowing that imagination of yours to go overboard again.
21:03What am I going to do?
21:04Write out a cheque for 3,000 pounds, sir.
21:06Meanwhile, if you can entertain me,
21:08I think I may be able to effect a solution.
21:24Ah, Mr. Worcester,
21:25I trust you have searched the innermost recesses of your heart.
21:28Yes, I badly will have.
21:30And I'm sure you'll be able to find
21:32a solution to this problem.
21:34I've searched the innermost recesses of your heart.
21:36Yes, I badly will have.
21:38And the innermost recesses of my bank account.
21:40I'm sure you will find your reward in heaven.
21:43Hmm.
21:44No chance of anything a bit earlier, I suppose.
21:46Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
21:55Sergeant, at the end of your time,
21:57we have two persons in mind
21:59as to what you may find more interesting.
22:04Hmm.
22:07Oh, Mr. Worcester, I feel so guilty.
22:10You have shown an humble and contrite heart, Mr. Worcester.
22:13Well, it's what we Worcesters are known for.
22:16Oh, and don't go.
22:18Oh, we must, Mr. Worcester.
22:20Are you sure you won't have a snifter?
22:22I have to get back to my flock by tomorrow.
22:24Well, it's shearing time, is it?
22:26Ha, ha, ha, ha.
22:27Excuse me, Mr. Worcester.
22:28Oh, jeez, I was just saying,
22:29the Hemingway's ought to stay for a drink.
22:31We really have to go.
22:32You're forgetting your jewel case, Miss Hemingway.
22:34No, it's only an empty box.
22:36Nevertheless, Miss...
22:38Oh, well.
22:39Now we really must go.
22:42Well, off.
22:43Miss Hemingway, I believe.
22:44If I might suggest a course of action, Sergeant,
22:47I think you may find it worth your while
22:49to examine the contents of that jewel case.
22:51This?
22:52Wait, it's empty.
22:53Just an empty box.
22:55Well, just take a look, then.
22:57All right. Allow me.
23:00What's going on?
23:02Jeeves!
23:03It's the pearls!
23:05All right, Soapy, the game's up.
23:07Oh, God.
23:09I told you he couldn't be as gormless as he looked.
23:11You'll be charged with fraud,
23:13obtaining money by deception,
23:14and the theft of a pearl necklace,
23:16the property of Mrs. Agatha Gregson.
23:20But, I mean, these are not Agatha's.
23:22I took the liberty of abstracting them
23:24from Miss Hemingway's luggage, sir.
23:26Here, that's illegal, that is.
23:29I'll have the law on you,
23:30leading a girl on like that.
23:32Come along.
23:33Don't worry about this one, you said.
23:35It'll be easy.
23:36You said, thank you, I can walk quite well on my own.
23:38Oh, shit.
23:39Look at this, Straitjeeves.
23:41They've stolen Aunt Agatha's pearls
23:43and then stolen them again from me.
23:45Indeed, sir.
23:46The Reverend Hemingway is a well-known confidence trickster
23:49known as Soapy Sid.
23:50He and his wife work their way along the south coast every year.
23:54Wife? What wife?
23:55The lady calling herself Aileen, sir.
23:58Ah, well, I think you may be wrong there, Jeeves.
24:00Aileen Hemingway was keen to marry me, remember?
24:02Mrs. Hemingway was the woman responsible
24:04for removing the pearls from their case
24:06while you were writing a receipt for her, sir.
24:09Good Lord!
24:11Good Lord!
24:13I mean to say, good Lord, Jeeves.
24:17I shall enjoy this.
24:26Mrs. Gregson...
24:27All I am asking you to do is arrest that girl.
24:30There is no evidence to...
24:31Evidence! Search her room.
24:33What for, Auntie?
24:35We have already searched her room.
24:37And stand up straight!
24:39Is that the way they teach you to stand in the police force nowadays?
24:42Is there anything I can do, Aunt Agatha?
24:44Yes, there is. You can leave.
24:45I have enough to bear without your imbecilities.
24:48Your chief constable shall hear of this.
24:51What is your name?
24:52What is your name?
24:53I guess there's something the matter with that girl, Auntie.
24:55Isn't she crying or something?
24:56Remorse! She stole my pearls.
24:58Do you refuse to give me your name?
25:00Pearls? Well, that's a coincidence.
25:02These aren't the little chaps, are they?
25:04No, of course not.
25:09Where did...
25:10I got them from your friends, the Hemingways.
25:12The Hemingways?
25:13The Hemingways?
25:15How did they come into the possession of the Hemingways?
25:18Because they jolly well stole them, that's how.
25:20That's what they do for a living. They are jewel thieves.
25:22No, no, no.
25:23Yes, yes, aged A.
25:24I mean, I don't want to rub it in,
25:26but you do realise that if you had succeeded in getting me to marry that girl,
25:29then I should most probably have had children
25:31who'd have sneaked my watch while I was dandling them on my knee.
25:34Bertie, dear...
25:35I'm not a complaining sort of chap, as a rule,
25:37but I must say that in future you might be just a little bit more careful
25:40how you go about egging me on to marry females.
25:51Are you real?
26:12Sir?
26:16The engagement is announced.
26:18The engagement is announced between Charles Edward,
26:22only son of Mr. E.C. Biffin and Mrs. Biffin,
26:25of 11 Penslow Square, Mayfair...
26:28It's Biffy!
26:29And Noria Jane Louise,
26:31only daughter of Sir Roderick and Lady Glossop
26:34of 6B Harley Street, W1.
26:37A Noria!
26:39Indeed it is, sir.
26:40What on earth is Biffy doing getting engaged to a Noria Glossop?
26:43I could not say, sir.
26:45There probably are fellows in this world
26:47who could get engaged to this Glossop menace and like it.
26:50Tough, hardy chaps with strong chins and glittering eyes,
26:53but Biffy is not one of them.
26:55Assuredly not, sir.
26:57Will that be all, sir?
27:00Oh, yes, my dear.
27:16What, Biffy?
27:18Congratulations in order, I hear.
27:20Thanks.
27:23Bertie?
27:24Still here, old fruit?
27:26Oh, nothing.
27:31But is it really true you were once engaged to a Noria?
27:34It is.
27:35How on earth did you manage to get out?
27:37I mean, what was the nature of the tragedy
27:41that prevented your marriage?
27:44Hey, old egg.
27:45As man to man, do you want to oil out at this thing?
27:48Bertie, old cork, as one friend to another, I do.
27:51How the dickens did you get into it?
27:53It just sort of happened.
27:55You know how it is when your heart's broken,
27:57you get absent-minded and cease to exercise proper precautions.
28:00Yes, I know.
28:01What I want you to tell me is what's the procedure?
28:04You mean for sort of edging out?
28:06Exactly. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, Bertie.
28:08Yeah, no, of course not.
28:09But what do you recommend?
28:11Well, you see, in my case,
28:12Sir Roderick discovered that there was a modicum of insanity in my family,
28:15so the old boy came round to dinner to give me the once-over.
28:18And Jeeves arranged things so that he went away
28:20firmly convinced that I was completely off my canoe-va.
28:22I see.
28:24Trouble is, there isn't any insanity in my family.
28:27Really?
28:30Just my luck.
28:31I've got the whole Glossop clan coming to lunch with me tomorrow.
28:34They'll probably want to test me the same way they did you.
28:36What, the whole tribe of them? And Noria too?
28:38The whole boiling of them.
28:40Oh, Lord.
28:44Look, Bessie, I tell you what, I'll roll up to that lunch.
28:46If he finds out that you're a pal of mine,
28:48he might well forbid the banners right away.
28:50Something in that.
28:52Awfully sporting of you, Bertie.
28:53Well, when it comes to helping a chum, we Worcesters have no thought of self.
28:56Meanwhile, I'll consult Jeeves.
28:58He's never failed me yet.
29:01Any time you hear the thunder, rumble down
29:05Don't let hope tumble down
29:08Or castles crumble down
29:11If the blues appear, just make the best of them
29:15Just make a jest of them
29:18Don't be possessed of them
29:21At the risk of sounding rather platitudinous
29:25Here's what I know
29:27At the risk of sounding rather platitudinous
29:30Here's what I believe should be the attitude in us
29:35A sunny disposition will always see you through
29:40When up above the skies are black instead of being blue
29:44Mr. Trouble always makes our faces long
29:48But a smile will have him saying so long
29:54Do you know what I look for in a song, Jeeves?
29:56Not precisely, sir, no. I have often speculated.
29:59What a philosophy, Jeeves. Something to make you think.
30:02Just you listen to this.
30:04It really doesn't pay to be a gloomy pill
30:08It's absolutely most ridic positively still
30:12The rain may pitter patter, it really doesn't matter
30:17For life can be delish with a sunny disposition
30:23Most heartwarming, sir.
30:26Mind you, there are times when it's dash difficult not to be a bit gloomy and pill-like.
30:30Very true, sir.
30:31It is, my friend, Biffy Biffin.
30:33You know, Biffy is in roughly the same position in Ray and Gloria Glossop as I was a month or two back.
30:38In short, Jeeves, he needs your help.
30:41I fear that it is hardly my place, Mr. Worcester, to intervene in a private matter affecting...
30:46Oh, come.
30:47No, sir. I would be taking a liberty.
30:50Now look here, Jeeves. It's not still the south of France you're mooning about, is it?
30:54No, sir. I had put the continent quite from my mind.
30:57Will that be all, sir?
30:59Yes, yes. That'll be all, Jeeves.
31:13It's Biffy, isn't it?
31:15What have you got against old Biffy?
31:17I'm sure Mr. Biffin has many fine qualities, sir.
31:23Very well, then.
31:24If you're not going to chip in and save a fellow creature, I suppose I can't make you.
31:28You're going to look pretty silly, though, when I get old Biffy out of the soup without your assistance.
31:32I shall try to bear up under the shame of it, sir.
31:36Yes, well.
31:37Right, well, I'm going back into that sitting-room now, Jeeves, and I'm going to put in some pretty tense thinking.
31:42Very good, sir.
31:43Shall I wake you at six, sir?
31:45Er, yes. Oh, no, Jeeves.
31:47There will be no need. The brain will be resting.
31:50As you say, sir.
31:52Yes. Well, then.
31:58I mean, the Worcester grey matter has been well and truly ragged off him.
32:01We've got to come up with something pretty brilliant, otherwise poor old Biffy is definitely for the high job.
32:05He'll probably forget to turn up at the wedding, won't he?
32:07True, true.
32:08Do you remember the time he forgot his name and had to go and look it up in the club register?
32:12That's right, and nobody will tell him what letter it began with.
32:16I say, Bertie.
32:18Oh, Barney, what do you want to do?
32:19Nothing. Nothing.
32:21I say, Bertie, do you like flowers?
32:24I like nothing better, Barney. Why do you ask?
32:26Would you like to smell my buttonhole, then?
32:28Er, not particularly, no.
32:30Oh, go on. It's special.
32:31Oh, very well.
32:33But you'll have to stand up.
32:35Right. Would you like to smell my buttonhole, Bertie?
32:38Yes, you've said all that.
32:40Oh, all right. Well, smell it, then.
32:47I forgot to fill it up. Hang on a minute.
32:51This is what I love about Barney, his wheezes.
32:53Good one, is it?
32:54Terrific.
32:55I think I'll tunnel off home.
32:56Oh, no. You simply have to see this.
33:01Right. Bertie, would you like to smell my... No.
33:05Would you like to smell my buttonhole? Yes.
33:07Well, smell it, then.
33:11That's very nice, Barney. Thank you.
33:24Good Lord!
33:26Out of the mouths of babes and wot it!
33:29Er, Barney, I think...
33:41Hello?
33:42Bertie, I just want you to know that your troubles are at an end.
33:46PHONE RINGS
33:52Hello?
33:53Bertie, I just want you to know that your troubles are at an end.
34:16Good afternoon.
34:22Mr Bertram Worcester, sir.
34:24What-ho, what-ho, what-ho!
34:26Bertie!
34:27Biffy, do you like flowers? Eh?
34:29Smell this.
34:32What the devil are you doing?
34:34I'm wet!
34:35Calm yourself, Biffy Old Age.
34:37This was not a jest to pass an idle hour.
34:39This was a demonstration.
34:41Are you suggesting that I squirt Sir Roderick?
34:43Absolutely.
34:44Squirt him as he has never before been squirted.
34:46I guarantee you that in something under three seconds
34:48the idea will have dawned on him
34:50that your presence in the family is not required.
34:52Oh, but I can't...
34:53PHONE RINGS
34:54It's them! It's them!
34:56Um, talk to them while I go and change my shirt.
34:58This one's all wet!
35:06Sir Roderick and Lady Glossop
35:08and Miss Honoria Glossop.
35:11Good afternoon. I trust we're...
35:13It's the Bertie Worcester, Daddy.
35:15What?
35:16What-ho, Glossop's all.
35:18What are you doing here, Bertie?
35:20Me? I'm just here as a sort of friend of the accused, as it were.
35:23You are a friend of Mr Biffy?
35:25Oh, Biffy, yes.
35:26Yes, known each other for years.
35:28He asked me to come over and join you mangling a spot of lunch.
35:30Oh.
35:31I said, it's a long time since we met, though, eh?
35:33Nevertheless, I remember you most distinctly, Mr Worcester.
35:38Has there been some sort of accident?
35:40Oh, no, no, nothing serious.
35:42Old Biffy just had some sort of fit or seizure and knocked over the table.
35:46Fit?
35:47Or seizure.
35:48Oh, foaming at the mouth and everything.
35:50Oh, Bertie!
35:53Sorry, I have to go and change my shirt.
35:56I'm kind of wet, you know.
36:08Are you working, Bertie?
36:10Working?
36:12The last time we met, Mr Worcester,
36:14you told me you were thinking about getting a job.
36:16Oh, yes, well, still thinking.
36:18Still thinking away.
36:19Ah.
36:28Erm, like flowers, do you, Sir Roderick?
36:31Flowers.
36:32You know, like Biffy's got on his buttonhole.
36:34You know, like Biffy's got on his buttonhole.
36:36Let Sir Roderick have a sniff, Biffy.
36:38I don't want to.
36:40Daddy's thinking about buying Charles' place in Herefordshire.
36:43If Mr Biffy will agree to sell.
36:45Oh, I should think he would.
36:46You got that place from your uncle, didn't you, Biffy?
36:48Yes.
36:49Yes, a lot of unhappy memories for old Biffy, that place.
36:51Oh, really? Why is that?
36:53Well, it was Biffy's old uncle, Harold,
36:55who used to read Shakespeare to his rabbits.
36:57I see.
36:59Yes, look, not that I've got anything against Shakespeare myself.
37:01No, no, no.
37:02I'm never happier than when curled up with the collected works of the old chap.
37:05Oh.
37:06Are you a theatre lover, Mr Woodstock?
37:08Rather.
37:09One of my most treasured memories
37:12is of Irving playing Hamlet at the Lyceum.
37:15Really?
37:16Who won?
37:20Why don't we all go to the theatre tomorrow night?
37:23Oh, yes.
37:24I thirst for culture, Mr Biffin.
37:26Oh, ditto, ditto, yes.
37:28Anyway, to return to Sir Roderick and flowers, Biffy.
37:31Eh?
37:32Flowers, Sir Roderick. He likes them.
37:34Whatever is the matter, Mr Woodstock?
37:36Let Sir Roderick sniff your buttonhole, Biffy.
37:47Go on, Biffy, do it.
37:49I can't, Bertie, I can't.
37:50You can. Be brave, do it.
37:55What are you doing?
37:57Ah!
38:12Bertie?
38:13Bertie, you are an old silly.
38:16Eh?
38:17It's jolly heartbreaking for you, Bertie, I know,
38:19and I'm badly well touched, but my parents would never hear of it.
38:21Hear of what, Honora?
38:22It'd be better if you got a job, even.
38:24My dear Honora, I'm quite in a fog.
38:26Oh, come on, Bertie.
38:28Trying to make Biffy look even more of an idiot than nature intended
38:31just shows you'll be in with a chance again.
38:34No, no, no, no, no.
38:41They make a nice display, don't they, sir?
38:44Don't talk to me about flowers, Jeeves.
38:46I now know how a general feels
38:48when he plans some great strategic movement
38:51and his troops let him down at the eleventh hour.
38:53Biffy would not squirt the squirter, Jeeves.
38:55A somewhat vacillating young gentleman, Mr Biffin, sir.
38:59Hmm.
39:06And the worst of it is
39:07that I've got stuck with going to the theatre with them tomorrow,
39:10and Honora seems to think that I'm aching to marry her again.
39:13Indeed, sir.
39:16Dash it, Jeeves, you are positively heartless.
39:18I'm sorry to hear of Miss Glossop's misapprehension, sir,
39:22but as to Mr Biffin,
39:23surely Mr Biffin has only himself to blame
39:26if he has entered upon matrimonial obligations
39:28which do not please him, sir.
39:30Oh, you're talking absolute rot, Jeeves.
39:32You know as well as I do that Honora Glossop is an act of God.
39:35You may as well blame the fellow for getting run over by a truck.
39:39Besides, he was in no position to resist.
39:41He'd lost the only girl he ever loved.
39:44How is this, sir?
39:45Well, apparently, he fell in love with a girl he met on the boat
39:48going over to New York.
39:49They parted at the custom shed,
39:51arranging to meet the next day at her hotel.
39:53You know what Biffin's like.
39:54The next day, the only thing he could remember was that her name was Mabel.
39:57Clean-forgotten her hotel, everything.
39:59I mean to say, you can't go scouring New York
40:01looking for a girl called Mabel.
40:03I appreciate the difficulty, sir.
40:05I did not know of this before.
40:07I don't suppose anyone knows of it except me.
40:09Did I hear you mention that Mr Biffin was arranging a theatre party
40:13for Sir Roderick and Lady Glossop, sir?
40:15And Honora.
40:17If I might suggest, sir,
40:18the new entertainment at the Palace is reputed to be well worth a visit.
40:22Yes, let me get tickets for that.
40:24It's an absolute riot, I've heard.
40:26What's the thing called?
40:27Woof Woof, sir.
40:29If you were to leave it to me, sir,
40:31I may have some small influence
40:34which would enable me to acquire the necessary tickets.
40:45But he's travelling incognito.
40:47Because he smuggled his St Bernard through the customs
40:50and they're on his train.
40:52How romantic.
40:53I'd do anything for a man with a St Bernard.
40:58Woof Woof, sir.
41:00It's absurd, it makes you sing.
41:03Woof Woof, sir.
41:05It's for darling, that's darling, for the queen.
41:08It's the call of nature to lovers every day.
41:14It'll make you rage your movie hero down to zero.
41:19Woof Woof, it comes thundering through the pounding of your heart.
41:24Woof Woof, dating mothers can't keep lovers far apart.
41:37Hey, ye girls, here comes Lady Hermintrude.
41:40Has she got anyone with her?
41:42Anyone with a St Bernard?
41:44I didn't see any St Bernard, but she's got a man with her.
41:48A man?
41:50Yes, and he'd certainly make me go woof woof.
41:53Oh, girl.
41:54It's her.
41:55He's absolutely gorgeous.
42:02Can't be fazed, they're just amazers with their smarts.
42:05Woof Woof, they were dancing.
42:08Mabel!
42:10Mabel, it's me, Biffy!
42:27Mabel, I've looked everywhere for you.
42:34Mabel!
42:36Gin up, my girl.
42:46Right across the orchestra pit.
42:50That all sounds highly satisfactory, sir.
42:54Did you know Mabel was in the show, Jeeves?
42:56Oh, yes, sir.
42:57I happen to be acquainted with the future Mrs Biffin.
43:00Ah, so you know all about that business in New York.
43:03Yes, indeed, sir.
43:04It was for that reason that I was not altogether favourably disposed towards Mr Biffin.
43:09I mistakenly supposed that he had been trifling with the young girl's affections.
43:13But when you told me the true facts of the case, I endeavoured to make amends.
43:16Well, he certainly owes you a lot, Jeeves.
43:18But how did you come to know the girl in the first place?
43:21She is my niece, sir.
43:23Good heavens, Jeeves.
43:25Yes, indeed, sir.
43:30Is that the doorbell, Jeeves?
43:32I certainly gave that impression, sir.
43:34Who could that be at this time of night?
43:36I shall endeavour to ascertain, sir.
43:45I wish to see Mr Worcester, Jeeves.
43:47I regret to say that Mr Worcester is asleep, Mrs Gregson.
43:51Oh, how very thoughtless of him.
43:53What is the matter with young people nowadays, Jeeves?
43:56I can't say, madam.
43:58I have heard that another of Mr Worcester's friends
44:00has disgraced himself at the theatre this evening.
44:04Most unfortunate, Mrs Gregson.
44:06However, this does mean that the young Glossop girl is once again on the market.
44:10Would you kindly tell Mr Worcester
44:12that I am willing to overlook his conduct at West Quoncy
44:15in order to help him bring matters with Miss Glossop to a satisfactory conclusion?
44:20I am sure that Mr Worcester will be most grateful, madam.
44:23And so he ought to be.
44:25I shall call again first thing.
44:27I shall tell Mr Worcester, madam.
44:45That was Mrs Gregson, sir.
44:47I heard, Jeeves. Hence the pack.
44:49Are we embarking on a journey, sir?
44:51Yes, we are, Jeeves.
44:52The night train for Old Thieb leaves in an hour.
44:54We are going to be on it.
44:56If Aunt Agatha thinks I am going to wait around
44:58while she and the lorry and Glossop
45:00leave me trussed, stuffed and garnished with bacon
45:03to the all-sorties, well,
45:05she's got several other things coming.
45:07Very good, sir.
45:09If you will allow me to complete the packing, sir.
45:12You may.