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FunTranscript
00:00♪
00:30Last year, everyone in the front row got wrestler sweat on the snacks.
00:39OK, now I'm officially happy we're not going.
00:42Wrestle Hysteria's coming to town for one day and you think we're not going? Are you
00:47mad?
00:48Yeah, Ben. Stop being mad!
00:51Three tickets cost £180. We have £3. Does anyone else see the problem?
00:59I don't know how we're going to do it, but we will.
01:03That's it? She'll tell us how.
01:06Madame Rose the fortune teller. She's a total scam artist.
01:10Is that solid intel?
01:12Right, she works in a tent on the prom. Don't you think if she could actually see the future,
01:16she'd have chosen a different career path?
01:19That actually makes sense.
01:21She's not here to make money. She's here to share her gift.
01:26Great adventures lie ahead of you. I see fun and happiness.
01:32But wait. Tomorrow, when the sun is high, disaster will befall you.
01:39Yeah, I'm really just here to find out how to get tickets to Wrestle Hysteria.
01:43No, you must heed my warning. Chaos shall come to pass unless you...
01:47Yeah, yeah, yeah. But what about Wrestle Hysteria?
01:53Useless. Every time I asked about wrestling, she changed the subject.
01:57I told you it was a scam. You could do a better job of yourself.
02:01That's what we'll do. We'll make our own fortune-telling booth.
02:05That's how we'll get our ticket money.
02:07No, that's not what I said.
02:09Genius idea, Ben.
02:24Yeah.
02:30Friday, May the 2nd, Dear Diary.
02:45Here you go, Louie. I got you something.
02:47Thanks, Dad.
02:50I've already got some top.
02:52Yeah, no, but this one'll fit you.
02:54It's fine. You can take it back.
03:00Oh, poor thing.
03:03Waiting in that shop, hoping to be bought.
03:06Then when it finally does happen, the little boy doesn't want you.
03:09Clothes don't have feelings.
03:12Yeah, no, but it looks quite sad, doesn't it?
03:15Probably knows, doesn't he, that no one will want to wear it when he's returned.
03:19No, wait. I'll wear it.
03:21Well, if you're sure.
03:23Hello. Why don't you come and meet and wear the clothes?
03:26Thanks, Dad.
03:30You have just missed a parenting masterclass, Manipulating the Child 101.
03:34Listen to this.
03:36Friday, June the 5th, Mum still treats me like a child.
03:39She couldn't be more annoying if she tried.
03:42Saturday, June the 6th, I take back what I said yesterday.
03:45Mum is even more annoying today.
03:47It goes on like that, day after day, week after week.
03:50Is that Hannah's diary?
03:53Well, it's some sort of journal of daily events, but I wouldn't call it...
03:56Yes, OK, it's her diary. I've read her diary.
03:58But the point is, she hates us.
04:01Hates you? Don't mention me.
04:03Don't worry, don't worry.
04:05I can teach you to be more lovable, yeah?
04:13Welcome to your future.
04:18Welcome to your future.
04:21I've been expecting you.
04:27I'm sorry I haven't worn some of you for ages.
04:30Or ever.
04:32Especially you, orange shorts from Granny.
04:35But from now on, I promise,
04:37I'm going to wear all of you exactly the same amount.
04:40No more favourites.
04:44Your name is...
04:47Tammy.
04:50It's Sue.
04:52I see great adventure ahead.
04:55Much happiness and fun in your future.
04:59Like what?
05:01Meeting your one true love.
05:05So, what's he like, then?
05:08Rich.
05:10Posh.
05:13Wears a blazer and a hat.
05:16Has a fancy name. Gambit.
05:19Gambit? Gambit.
05:22I'm not giving you a penny for this.
05:25You don't have a clue, do you?
05:28Leave without paying.
05:30You'll have to get through me first.
05:32Oh.
05:36Oh, no, it sounds terrible,
05:38but it's nice to have a break from the kids, isn't it?
05:41Hey, I'm right here.
05:43Oh, Hannah. Well, I hardly consider you a kid any more.
05:46Hey, why don't you grab yourself a coffee and join us?
05:49Oh, right. It's just, I said I'd meet...
05:52You don't have to explain.
05:54If you've got somewhere that you need to be,
05:56it's hardly any of my business.
05:59Right, OK. See you later.
06:01See you later, love.
06:05You've been at her diary again, haven't you?
06:07It's like I can read her mind.
06:09Did you know that there's this boy that she fancies called Greg?
06:12He's having a party on Sunday night and Hannah's not invited?
06:15And I'm not interested.
06:16And he's got a sister called Chloe.
06:18Hannah can't stand her.
06:19She's really rude and her hair smells like ham.
06:22Like tinned ham or... I don't want to know!
06:27Man down! What happened?
06:32Some bruiser called Sue went straight through me, ripped us off.
06:37To be fair, you were trying to rip her off.
06:39At least I made an effort.
06:41What a mess.
06:42Yeah, I know. I give up on this fortune-telling business.
06:45Terrible idea, Ben.
06:46Yeah, nice going, genius.
06:48What? It wasn't my... I didn't... This was...
06:55See?
06:56You don't have to spy on the kids to get them to love you.
06:59Observe.
07:03Hey, girls.
07:04Take a pew. I've rustled up some lovely gingerbread folk.
07:09Or perhaps you'd just like to chill out by yourselves, eh?
07:12The guest lounge is free.
07:14I thought we weren't allowed in there
07:16because you didn't want it to smell like children.
07:18No, no, I meant your brothers.
07:20Not you. No, you two go on through.
07:23I'll drop you in a couple of lattes, yeah?
07:25Thanks, Mrs Emmerich.
07:26Yeah, thanks, Mum.
07:29It's all in the diary.
07:32What are you looking at?
07:38We'll hypnotise the security guards
07:40so they think we're chairs and then they'll actually carry us in.
07:43Come on, now you're just embarrassing yourself.
07:46Trouble at nine o'clock.
07:49There.
07:51Oh.
07:55Sold out. That's game over.
08:02Hey, look. It's that girl that wrecked our den.
08:06And that's good news because...?
08:08She's wearing a Wrestle Hysteria crew jacket,
08:11which means she works for them,
08:13which means she'll be able to get us free tickets.
08:17Give free tickets to a total stranger.
08:20Probability zero.
08:22She wouldn't be giving tickets to total strangers.
08:24She'd be giving tickets to her one true love.
08:32Oh.
08:36Nice to meet you, Gambit.
08:39OK, this is your worst idea ever.
08:42This is genius.
08:43When Susie's Gambit come to life,
08:45she will give you whatever you want.
08:51I won't do it.
08:54I'll die if I'm not invited to Greg's party.
08:57Is this a Chloe's allowed to bring people?
08:59Make friends with her and you're in.
09:01No, not her. I hate her.
09:03She's so rude and her hair smells like ham.
09:07How can I make friends with her in a day?
09:09Invite her to a sleepover.
09:11Mum banned sleepovers
09:13ever since we gave Justine Johnson that makeover
09:15and her hair caught fire.
09:18There you go, girls.
09:20Thanks, Mrs Enright.
09:21Thanks, Mum.
09:24Maybe we could crash the party.
09:27I never heard a thing.
09:29I bet Greg does invite you, though.
09:31You two, you're A-listers, aren't you?
09:33Thanks, Mum.
09:35I don't remember your mum being so cool.
09:37I know, it's weird.
09:38It's like she suddenly gets me.
09:42Hold on.
09:43How does she know it's Greg's party?
09:48No, no.
09:49She wouldn't dare.
09:56Ahem.
10:03Do I know you?
10:05Pardon me, but I think you'll find the flat stones are better for skimming.
10:10I'm not skimming stones.
10:12I'm trying to hit seagulls.
10:17I don't believe you've had the pleasure.
10:20The name's...
10:22Gambit.
10:27This is too crazy.
10:29A fortune-teller told me we were going to meet.
10:33Why, I'm sorry, but I don't believe in fortune-tellers.
10:36Neither did I, until now.
10:38He told me your name, what you'd be wearing,
10:40and that you were my one true love.
10:45Well, what could you and I possibly have in common?
10:48You like being mean to seagulls,
10:50whereas I like classical poetry.
10:53Wrestling.
10:54No way!
10:55My dad works for Wrestle Hysteria.
10:57Great Scott, surely you jest.
11:00This is too weird.
11:02Wanna get some chips?
11:04Why, I'd be delighted.
11:17I can't believe it.
11:20I can't believe she read my diary.
11:22So not cool.
11:26To complete this game,
11:28I know how we can get our sleep over.
11:31My pen, please.
11:35Hi, Dad.
11:36No, I'm with a friend.
11:37You should come.
11:38Hey, they've got Shoot the Ducks.
11:40She hates seagulls and ducks.
11:42Ben!
11:45So did you ask about the tickets?
11:47So did you ask about the tickets?
11:49Gambit's a very complex character.
11:51He hints, he suggests, he implies.
11:54Doesn't just ask.
11:55He'll be asking for a dead leg if he doesn't get those tickets.
11:59She's coming back. Just get on with it, Ben.
12:08I killed all the ducks.
12:12Looking good, Louis.
12:14I think someone's got himself a new favourite jumper.
12:16Is that what the other jumper said?
12:18I have to change!
12:25Oh, no.
12:26What's the matter?
12:29Is it bad?
12:31No.
12:32It's wonderful.
12:35Mum has been so great recently,
12:37I feel I can really trust her again.
12:42If only I could win back her trust.
12:44But sadly, it went up in flames after my last sleepover.
12:47Much like Justine Johnson's hair.
12:50Maybe I could hold another sleepover to prove that I have changed.
12:53Oh, no. Wait. I'm not allowed.
12:56Never mind.
12:57I'm just lucky to have a perfect parent.
13:01Perfect parent.
13:03Oh, that's lovely.
13:05Did she mention me at all?
13:07No.
13:09Are you just me?
13:11Or is that huge man walking towards us?
13:15He is.
13:16If there's any screaming to be done, leave it to me.
13:19That's just my dad.
13:20Hey, Dad.
13:21Hello, princess.
13:22And you must be Gambit.
13:24I'm Ivor.
13:25Ivor the Piledriver MacGyver.
13:29Charmed.
13:30There you go.
13:32A Piledriver Fiver.
13:34Why don't you buy a new one?
13:36A Piledriver Fiver.
13:38Why don't you buy us all an ice cream?
13:47I'm glad Sue's found herself a friend.
13:49Travelling's a lonely game.
13:51She likes you, I can tell.
13:53What a lovely young lady.
13:55But don't you ever upset my princess.
13:59I would never hurt your daughter, sir.
14:02It's you I'm worried about.
14:04Deep down, Sue is very...
14:08Sensitive?
14:09Aggressive.
14:10I've seen her do terrible things.
14:19My goodness, is that Tan?
14:21I knew he'd chicken out.
14:23Plan B, move in.
14:28Sorry, got to dash. I'm late for polo.
14:31Oh, Gambit, we heard you were in town.
14:33Friends of yours?
14:34Sort of. Gambit likes to spend time with us less privileged kids.
14:37What do you mean, less privileged?
14:39His family own a bunch of fancy hotels like the Heslington.
14:42He's got a whole top floor. Right, Gambit?
14:45Really?
14:46He's so generous.
14:47He was going to get us tickets to Wrestle Hysteria, but he sold out.
14:53Consider it sorted.
14:55Three access all areas passes on the Piledriver.
15:00You're a good kid.
15:02I wish there were more like you when I was growing up.
15:08Louis, why have you changed back into your shorts?
15:11I've already worn these before. I have to change.
15:18Hey, Hannah, there's some street dance on tomorrow. We should go.
15:22Street dance? I haven't been into that since, like, November.
15:26She doesn't want to hang out with her parents.
15:28Hey, why don't you invite some friends over tomorrow? They can stay the night.
15:31Really?
15:33Thanks, Mum. You're the best. I'll call Jenny.
15:36I thought sleepovers were banned.
15:38Looks like someone's jealous.
15:40Jealous?
15:41Thanks, Mum. You're the best.
15:52I'm just going in!
15:54It's OK, Hannah. You take your time.
15:59MUSIC PLAYS
16:20Here we go. Yoghurts, nuts and berries.
16:23My favourite. How did you know?
16:26I don't know. I just...
16:28DOORBELL RINGS
16:33I have to ask.
16:35Don't ask. We need you focused.
16:39I'm going to ask.
16:41Louis, what are you doing?
16:43I don't wear clothes to get jealous, so I'm wearing all of them.
16:47Right.
16:49I told you not to ask.
16:52DOORBELL RINGS
16:57This is it.
16:59Play it cool.
17:02Gambit speaking!
17:05Sue, hi!
17:07I'm just in the Heslington executive suite getting my morning massage.
17:13You've got the tickets?
17:15Great. Where are you?
17:18In reception!
17:21Fantastic. Be right down.
17:25SCREAMS
17:39Great entertainment for kids, old folks,
17:41basically anybody who enjoys violence.
17:44DOOR SLAMS
17:52Hi. Are you waiting for Gambit?
17:54Yeah, for 20 minutes now.
17:56Maybe we should go to his suite.
17:58I wouldn't.
18:00I think it's a great idea. Come on, princess!
18:04Wow.
18:06I've always appreciated the art of wrestling, Mr Piledriver.
18:09Oh, yeah?
18:11Yeah, in fact, I've developed a new move.
18:13Whoa! What are you playing at?
18:17Hold that lift!
18:21Are you finished?
18:23Depends if you submit.
18:27Sorry for the delay.
18:29We've got trouble with the elevator on 10.
18:31This is the fanciest hotel I've ever been in.
18:34Yeah, and how about those tickets?
18:36How about a tour?
18:40But of course!
18:42Follow me.
18:52Come in.
18:54Hello.
18:58Good read? Yeah.
19:03And to think I trusted you!
19:05I need it!
19:07You have no idea how complicated sleepovers are these days.
19:10I've got to get the right pizzas, the right DVDs,
19:12the right music magazines.
19:14I've got to go shopping!
19:16Give.
19:20I am so disappointed in you right now.
19:22So disappointed!
19:30So this is up here,
19:32and looking right, you can see over there...
19:34What's he talking about?
19:36This river's by Rembrandt,
19:38the world-famous artist.
19:40Is it real? No, it's a painting.
19:42No, no, I meant... Moving on?
19:44It doesn't matter.
19:46Of course, we have our own staff in the executive suite.
19:48Executive suite?
19:52Brunch party?
19:54This way, please.
19:56You booked us in for brunch?
19:58I never had brunch.
20:00Nice one, Gambit.
20:04Oh, this can't be good.
20:08Anybody home?
20:12Hey!
20:14Didn't hear you come in.
20:16Hey, Dad, we need to start getting this place ready.
20:18Would you mind?
20:20Oh, no, I've got to get to the shops anyway, so...
20:22Here we go.
20:26Egg on toast
20:28is ten quid.
20:30No wonder you're a millionaire.
20:32Hmm.
20:36Probably best not to eat too much
20:38before the big fight.
20:40I've heard the water's nice.
20:42I like you, Gambit.
20:44Mademoiselle, c'est monsieur.
20:46Let's just work our way through the stars
20:48and see how we get on.
20:50Very good, sir.
20:58Hannah!
21:00Patrice!
21:02What's going on?
21:04Thanks, Mum, but Dad's already got us more than enough.
21:06Why don't you put them in the kitchen
21:08and maybe we can use them later?
21:10These are perfect, Dad.
21:12What can I say?
21:14I know my daughter.
21:16That'll be Chloe.
21:26I'll crush the other lads
21:28with that feed.
21:30There you go.
21:32Ringside seats and dressing room passes.
21:34Fantastic.
21:38You'll meet all the fighters,
21:40hear all the wrestling stories.
21:42Oh, wow.
21:44See you there.
21:50Your bill, sir.
21:54Right.
21:56Dad's just stepped outside.
21:58Perhaps I'll go get him.
22:00No need, sir.
22:02As a guest of the hotel,
22:04you may sign for it yourself.
22:14Oh, no.
22:16Better pick that up.
22:18Oh, yeah.
22:20Perhaps I should help him.
22:22May I help you, sir?
22:24We've booked a table for brunch.
22:26But...
22:28I just...
22:48Good afternoon.
22:54MUSIC PLAYS
23:02Get me a taxi.
23:04And a police.
23:10This is fun.
23:12So,
23:14I hear Greg's having a party.
23:16Oh, Greg's an idiot.
23:18Never heard of it.
23:20Never heard of it.
23:22It's never... Oh, wow.
23:24Miami Nanny. I love this film.
23:26I've seen it, like, ten times.
23:28Oh, great. Let's watch that, then.
23:30Are you deaf? I've seen it ten times.
23:32Why would I want to watch it again?
23:34We've got magazines, too.
23:36Music magazines.
23:38Seriously. Does anybody even...
23:40Oh, I'll get it.
23:46Pizza's here.
23:48I'm dying in there.
23:50Chloe hates all the DVDs.
23:52And what's with all the music magazines?
23:54I thought you wanted music magazines.
23:56No, I said a mix of magazines.
23:58Can you not read?
24:02Hang on.
24:04You knew we were reading your diary.
24:06We? You've been reading it?
24:08I knew it. And you made me feel like a bad parent.
24:10You are the bad parent.
24:12You're the one who started it.
24:14Competition over. It's a draw.
24:16You're both the worst parents in the world.
24:20Oh, you're so childish.
24:22You're childish.
24:24My parents, I'm feeling so guilty right now.
24:26I could get away with anything.
24:28So I'm more of a sidekick than a friend.
24:30You think my hair smells like ham?
24:34What are you talking about?
24:36Oh, no.
24:38What?
24:40I left the diary in that room.
24:44I think Hannah probably just needs a bit of space right now.
24:46Yeah, yeah, yeah.
24:50Yes. Told you we'd get these tickets.
24:52And with an hour to spare.
24:54Outstanding.
24:58Oh, no.
25:00No, no.
25:02Cancelled? Why?
25:04There must be some mistake.
25:06We were guests of the hotel owner's son.
25:08There he is. Gambit, tell them.
25:10I can assure you, miss,
25:12this thief
25:14has no connection with our hotel.
25:16Is this true?
25:20Is it true
25:22that I tried to impress a girl?
25:24Yes.
25:28Is it true
25:30that I pretended to be someone I wasn't
25:32just to make her like me?
25:34Yes.
25:36But ask yourselves,
25:38is that
25:40so wrong?
25:42Yes!
25:44I'd like a word with you lot.
25:46Get in line!
25:48Save the little fancy one
25:50for me.
25:52Charlie.
26:04Maybe we should
26:06let Hannah get that. Yeah, yeah.
26:08Yeah.
26:10Not really the worst parents in the world, are we?
26:12No, don't be silly.
26:19What are you doing, Lily?
26:21I found it hard
26:23trying to be fair to all my clothes,
26:25so I decided not to wear any.
26:29OK, OK,
26:31I'll get it.
26:33What noise is that?
26:35Shut the door, shut the door, shut the door.
26:37You left my diary out for everyone to read.
26:39How could you? My hair doesn't smell like you.
26:41This is your fault
26:43for not getting me a ticket to Wrestle Hysteria.
26:45Don't touch me.
26:47Don't touch me.
27:14How can this be right?
27:16I've been loading suitcases for a week.
27:18And for what?
27:20For being interested in sports.
27:22What kind of lesson is that for a child?
27:24It's a travesty of justice.
27:46You
27:48You