Benidorm S06 E02 - Episode #6.2

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Transcript
00:00♪
00:31I'm sorry my little friend, we have no, how do you call it?
00:34Bondages.
00:36Did you hurt yourself bad?
00:37No, it's for this.
00:40Dios mio!
00:42How old are you?
00:43Fourteen.
00:45Have you got any headache tablets? My head's banging.
00:48You got the hangover?
00:50Where is your father?
00:51He's in prison.
00:53As the English say, no shit, shy luck.
00:57Get over here, now!
01:01Not you!
01:05I was just asking for some bondages to cover my tattoo.
01:08Don't make me come over there.
01:10Please don't make her come over here.
01:12Alright, I'll see you later.
01:14Adios amigo, it was nice knowing you.
01:16Michael!
01:20Hello mate.
01:21I don't suppose you know if there's any bar jobs going here?
01:24What?
01:25Do you know if there's any bar jobs going here?
01:27Going where?
01:28Going here.
01:29Going here from where?
01:31Do you know if there's any bar jobs available?
01:39No.
01:40There are no jobs.
01:42They are not coming, they are not going.
01:44There is nothing here for you.
01:46Good morning, is there a problem?
01:48That young lad come through here looking for bondages.
01:51No problem, I was just asking if there's any job vacancies.
01:54But I can see all your staff are of a certain age.
01:57No worries, have a good day.
01:59Hey, what did you mean?
02:01That you're not all like him?
02:03Thanks a lot pal.
02:05I'm sorry Les, I could not let him get away with saying this.
02:08You didn't have to say that.
02:10He's got a point.
02:11We have had a lot of younger staff leave recently.
02:14Then I say good riddance to them.
02:16The young ones might be nice at the look at,
02:18but you can't beat the experience.
02:20I told them they were tanning pills.
02:22How long does it take to test them?
02:24They do it in about 30 seconds on that programme on the telly.
02:27They scrape a bit off,
02:29put it in that little bag of liquid, shake it,
02:31and if it goes blue, it's drugs, job done.
02:34Knowing my luck, they've probably swallowed a handful
02:37and they're waiting to turn brown.
02:41I see they work on teeth as well.
02:43They've got a lot of teeth.
02:45They've got a lot of teeth.
02:47I see they work on teeth as well.
02:59He'll be down when he's hungry.
03:01Well, thank you for that inspired insight
03:03into the working mind of a teenage boy.
03:05What are you having a go at me for?
03:07It wasn't me that was supposed to be keeping an eye on him
03:10when he went off the rouse.
03:12It was that northern family's kid. Dirty plebs.
03:14You know he got a tattoo last night.
03:16No. What's her name, son?
03:18Janice.
03:20Yes. Your friend, Janice.
03:23Oh, will you just drop it?
03:25The woman needed a lift to the airport,
03:27so I gave her one.
03:29In your dreams.
03:31A lift to the airport, for God's sake!
03:33This place is absolutely crawling.
03:35No, it's not. It's fine.
03:37You are one cheap bastard. You know that, don't you?
03:39Tonya.
03:41Yesterday you agreed there was no way this was a four-star
03:43and we were moving.
03:44And now we've got 80% off the bill.
03:46Oh, all of a sudden it's not that bad.
03:48And the fact that a member of staff set fire to our towels
03:50is a mere inconvenience.
03:52Tonya!
03:54The day you get off your lazy arse
03:56and decide to contribute to the income of this family,
03:59instead of pissing your life away
04:01on coffee mornings and Botox parties,
04:04then I'd be more than happy to give you a say
04:06in matters of finance.
04:09Morning.
04:11Tiger!
04:12Mum, for God's sake!
04:14Is this mine?
04:16Of course it is, darling.
04:18Now what can Mama get you?
04:20Nothing.
04:22I only came down because it was too noisy to sleep up there.
04:24The couple in the room next door were really going for it.
04:26All right, spare us the details, will you?
04:28I did.
04:30Good morning.
04:32Another day in paradise.
04:34Hola. Have you settled in okay?
04:36Yes, thank you.
04:38I do believe we're neighbours.
04:40Oh, God.
04:42It's been a long night.
04:44Quite a humdinger.
04:46Yeah, well...
04:48No explanations necessary.
04:50First time we came to Spain,
04:52Jacqueline threw a chest of drawers at me, didn't you?
04:54More a vanity unit.
04:56It's the heat, you see.
04:58Don't worry, you'll soon acclimatise.
05:00And don't forget to give us a couple of hands on the wall
05:02if we make too much noise.
05:04We can get a bit, er,
05:06lost in the moment.
05:08Oh, yes.
05:10The word tantric springs to mind.
05:12It's certainly a marathon, not a sprint.
05:14Hasta luego.
05:17I think I'm going to vomit.
05:25Busy out here today?
05:27Yeah, filling up.
05:29Better grab us a couple of sunbeds.
05:31Oh, come on, Kenneth.
05:33You said now we got the green light from your Uncle Bertie
05:35we could open the salon properly.
05:37Yes, and we will, Liam, love.
05:39In great style tomorrow.
05:40Which means today we have to mentally
05:42and physically prepare ourselves.
05:44Two sunbeds.
05:47Here we are.
05:49Two hobby floor bangers.
05:51You boys have started early.
05:53Yeah, we have a lot to celebrate, Leslie.
05:55Namely, tomorrow's grand reopening of Blow and Go.
05:57Fantastic.
05:59Hey, you've got to fit me in for some highlights, can you?
06:01I'll hate this bub when I first got it,
06:03but it needs a bit of jazzing up.
06:05Yeah, no problem, love.
06:11Same again, love.
06:13No trouble.
06:15Are you going to come in to get your hair done, Dad?
06:17No, I'm working all day tomorrow.
06:19I'll just leave it in the jiffy bag at reception.
06:21Smash it.
06:23Oh, you pity me of a modern parent.
06:26Oh, I don't pity him.
06:28I think he's fabulous.
06:31Two hobby floor bangers, please, amigo.
06:33Oh, Leslie, is it OK for you to do them?
06:35I think I'm going for a break.
06:37Oh, away, man.
06:38I haven't played a game
06:40or absolutely chuck a block this morning.
06:42Allow me.
06:44Hey, hey, what are you doing?
06:46You'll have to come away from there, lad.
06:48It's staff only.
06:50Hey, what is wrong with you?
06:52Are you deaf?
06:54Get out of my bar.
06:56What's going on?
06:58Don't know.
07:00The lad just jumped over the counter.
07:02Oh, sorry.
07:04And you'll have to come away from that bar.
07:06Are you listening?
07:09Two hobby floor bangers.
07:11Well, my version.
07:13Tastes twice as good
07:15but uses half the amount of alcohol.
07:22Oh, my God, that tastes amazing.
07:24Kenneth, I'm sorry, but it does.
07:26You, come with me.
07:29What?
07:31Wait, Miss Temple Savage,
07:33you said there are no vacancies.
07:35Miss Temple Savage!
07:39Oh, my days.
07:41That is absolutely delicious.
07:43Say that again.
07:46These references
07:48are all well and good, Mr, um, Gallagher.
07:51Please, call me Jason.
07:53But as I told you before
07:55your little outburst behind the bar,
07:57we simply have no vacancies.
07:59You see, we have no vacancies.
08:01Simples.
08:03Just take your squash face
08:05and your magic powder somewhere else.
08:06You're an all-inclusive.
08:08The only way for you to increase profits
08:10is to make your customers drink less alcohol.
08:12Look, let me work here for one week
08:14for nothing and then check your stock.
08:16I guarantee you'll have used half the alcohol
08:19which means double your profits.
08:21Why would you want to work here for a week for nothing?
08:24Because I'm desperate for a job.
08:26I thought that part was obvious.
08:28Miss Temple Savage,
08:30if you want me to make fancy cocktails
08:32and shake my ass like this one, I can do for you.
08:34No offence, mate.
08:36I don't fall off.
08:38What?
08:40What's the saying?
08:42You can't teach an old dog new tricks.
08:44Old dog.
08:46Okay, that's enough.
08:48Come outside with me now and I will kill you.
08:50Come on.
08:52Oops.
08:54Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
08:56Oh, shit!
08:58Oh!
09:00How is this?
09:02Ow!
09:04Get him!
09:06Just into the red dress.
09:08Ow!
09:10Me too.
09:12Stop it! Stop it!
09:14Could you say stop it, boys?
09:16The state of both of you.
09:18You're all hot
09:20and sweaty
09:22and half naked.
09:24Mateo, get back to work.
09:26And Jason,
09:28you're on a week's trial behind the bar
09:30with no pay
09:32and no guarantee of a job at the end of it.
09:36I won't let you down.
09:38I'll be everything you want me to be.
09:44And more.
09:46Oh!
09:48Oh!
09:50I think I'm having a hot flush.
09:56I want to stay in the room.
09:58You, my lad, not leaving my sight.
10:00You should hobble him.
10:02Hobble him? What does that mean?
10:04Break his ankles like in that film, Misery.
10:06I think this arrangement will do just fine for now.
10:08Thank you, Mother.
10:10All right, Mikey, keep walking.
10:12Scum.
10:14Leave it, Mother.
10:17I don't want to hear a peep out from Jamie.
10:19Good morning.
10:21Do you go home at any point
10:23or do you actually live here?
10:25Aye.
10:27Every time I come here on holiday, you're here.
10:29We always have the same two weeks every year.
10:31Same two weeks?
10:33We're creatures of habit.
10:34That sounds, doesn't it, Jacqueline?
10:36Oh, yeah.
10:38Creatures is the right word.
10:40You get a job frightening kids to bed.
10:42Get up off that. It's for your father.
10:44My father's not here.
10:46Yeah, well, he will be. I'm off to get him.
10:48How do you know they're even going to let him out?
10:50Thanks to her, he could be locked up all week.
10:52Don't you blame me.
10:54Well, whose fault is it then?
10:56Everything OK with Mick?
10:58Yeah, everything's fine, thank you.
11:00No, everything's not fine.
11:02Thanks to her, my dad's being held at Alicante Airport
11:04and he's got his legs for you.
11:06What are you doing?
11:08I'm not sitting next to her.
11:10I want to be in the shade.
11:12Well, I'm not sitting in the shade
11:14so you can piss off.
11:16You are going to sit where I put you
11:18and if I come back and you've moved one inch,
11:20believe me, you'll wish you had been gobbled.
11:22Gobbled.
11:24Whatever.
11:26Janice, if Mick is in some kind of trouble
11:28with the authorities, we may be able to help you.
11:30Oh, yeah, that's all you need.
11:32The fritzel's fighting your case for you.
11:34Jacqueline and I have a direct contact
11:36at the British Consulate.
11:38Dropping the right name in the right place
11:40can open a few doors.
11:42Or at least the one Mick is currently sitting behind.
11:45Oh, just swing where Mama can see you, darling.
11:48Shut up.
11:50Oh, it's time.
11:53Oh, my God.
11:55What?
11:57She's going off with that bloke.
11:59What bloke?
12:01That rough bird has gone off with one of the swingers.
12:02Oh, my God.
12:04That's it.
12:06This is a swingers' hotel.
12:08You have brought us to a swingers' hotel.
12:10Don't be ridiculous.
12:12Where are you going?
12:14I'm going to give them a lift to the airport.
12:16No, you are not.
12:18I promised her I'd take her back there today.
12:20I'll be back as soon as I can.
12:22Clive, I'm warning you,
12:24if you leave me here on my own,
12:26I will not talk to you for the rest of this holiday.
12:28You drive a hard bargain.
12:30But you got yourself a deal.
12:33Bastard!
12:38Treat him mean, keep him keen.
12:40It must be terrible to be a hen-pecked husband.
12:44We had this geography teacher at school, Mr Pickering,
12:47and we all thought he was gay,
12:49because he was a bit, well, camp.
12:51And we went on a school trip to France,
12:54and one night he got drunk and told us
12:56that not only was he married,
12:58but he wanted to leave his wife for Mrs Raymond,
13:00the history teacher.
13:02And even though she knew he was married,
13:04she still didn't believe Mr Pickering was straight.
13:07Can you imagine?
13:09A big wet lettuce
13:11who just can't meet the right girl
13:13because everybody thinks he's gay.
13:15Yeah, imagine that.
13:25Oh, are you OK, Baba?
13:27Yeah.
13:29Want anything from the shop?
13:30No, thank you, my sweet pea.
13:42Oh, there's money in my purse if you need it, darling.
13:45Oh, um, thanks.
14:01Shouldn't be much longer now.
14:03Great.
14:05And then when we get to the bus station in Benidorm,
14:07the bus is to Alicante here at least one every hour.
14:10Where is the bus station in Benidorm?
14:12Can't we just walk there?
14:14Oh, no, I'm afraid not.
14:16I picked up a rather nasty gripe.
14:18What is it?
14:20I don't know.
14:22It's a bit of a mess, isn't it?
14:24It's a bit of a mess, isn't it?
14:26It's a bit of a mess.
14:28It's a bit of a mess.
14:30It's a bit of a mess.
14:32I had a groin injury while filling in for a friend
14:34at the London Naturist Olympics last month.
14:37A trampoline can be a pretty savage piece of equipment
14:41when you're completely naked.
14:45Can I give you a lift?
14:47We're fine, thank you.
14:49Wonderful.
14:51Alicante Airport, if it's not too much trouble.
14:53I said we're fine, thank you.
14:55Look, I heard about the tattoo.
14:57I'm sorry my tiger was with your son at the time,
14:58but you can't blame him.
15:00No, I'm sure he wasn't to blame.
15:02Look, thank you for the offer of a lift,
15:04but no thank you.
15:06We've never been here before.
15:08My son wouldn't know where to get a tattoo.
15:11You see, they've never been here before.
15:14If your son goes anywhere near my son in the next week...
15:17Oh, dear, there goes the bus.
15:19Well, why didn't it stop?
15:21This is supposed to be a bus stop.
15:23I think it might have something to do
15:25with this car being parked here.
15:27Oh, dear, the natives are turning ugly.
15:29Come on, I think we'd better get in.
15:48You are hilarious.
15:50I don't really smoke, to be honest.
15:52Really? You can't tell?
15:54Go on, son, cough it up.
15:56Might be a gold watch.
15:58What does that mean?
16:00I don't know. Something the old man says.
16:02Beer?
16:04No, I think I'll just have an orange juice.
16:06One orange juice and one beer, please, mate.
16:08It's for my dad.
16:10I don't remember much about it.
16:12We were in that bar on the beach one for ages.
16:14Then you said you wanted to get a tattoo.
16:16Really? I said that?
16:18Yeah, man. I always liked a tattoo.
16:20Are you serious? How old are you again?
16:21And you were like, yeah, I wanted one for ages.
16:23I don't remember ever wanting a tattoo.
16:25You tried to talk me into getting one,
16:27but I was like, dude, you're joking.
16:29That shit is on your body.
16:31Life.
16:40What's this?
16:45It's the all-inclusive wristbands.
16:47They've changed the packaging.
16:48It said in my stars,
16:50today would be full of thrilling surprises.
16:55Hasta luego.
16:57Hasta un bega to you as well.
17:00Maria.
17:02Take this to my office, would you?
17:06Yes, Savannah.
17:08Joyce Temple Favage speaking.
17:10How much spending money did you bring this holiday, Markie?
17:13Not much, plus I spent it all on my own.
17:15You fancy making a bit of money?
17:45Oh, my God!
18:08And can you just tell me about this one again?
18:10Oh, it's fabulous.
18:12That one's the waterpark.
18:13The one with the slides on the front.
18:15And the water.
18:22And they've got animals here?
18:24No, you've not been listening.
18:26That's this one.
18:28The terra natura.
18:30The one with the lion on the front.
18:44Oh.
18:53How am I a racist?
18:55Having learning difficulties isn't a race.
18:57Please let go of my arm.
18:59People have ignored me all my life
19:01just because I can't read or write.
19:03I'm not ignoring you.
19:05I'm trying to get rid of you.
19:07And my dad hits me.
19:09I'm not surprised.
19:11Oh, for God's sake, Maria.
19:13It would have been far too easy to put her on the desk.
19:21Oh, there it is.
19:29Miss Temple-Savage, I think you'd better come outside.
19:32What's the problem, Liam?
19:34I'm up to my eyes in it.
19:36Mateo is trying to strangle the new member of staff.
19:38Oh, for God's sake.
19:40What are you doing?
19:47Get off me!
19:49You little dwarf.
19:51You haven't changed a thing about what you're doing.
19:54Get off me, Leslie.
19:56I've never seen anything like it.
19:58Really?
20:00Oh, I have.
20:02In fact, this is basically my DVD collection.
20:04Apart from a tranny pensioner, of course.
20:06Stop it!
20:08The lot of you, just stop it!
20:10Stop it!
20:12Mateo, what the hell is going on?
20:14This guy is trying to make me look stupid.
20:16You don't need any help with that, mate.
20:18Mateo, inside.
20:20He cannot just come and take over my bar.
20:22You are working on reception all this week.
20:25Miss Temple-Savage, please.
20:27I said inside, now.
20:33I'm sorry about that.
20:35Mr Castellano can be a little territorial,
20:38but it's all healthy competition.
20:40He just tried to strangle me.
20:42It means he likes you.
20:48Go at him if he didn't.
20:54Run!
21:01Take the second road on the left.
21:03I'm going on the toll road.
21:05No, no, no, for heaven's sake, man.
21:07Have you fallen out with your money?
21:08Isn't the toll road meant to be quicker?
21:10I know a really good shortcut.
21:12Stay on this road.
21:14I think the toll road's better.
21:16It's only three euros.
21:20What are you doing?
21:22You lunatic!
21:24You could have had us all killed there.
21:33Look after the pennies and the pounds.
21:35Look after the pennies and the pounds
21:37will look after themselves.
21:49Thank you for your patience, Mr Gravy.
21:51We have the results back on your contraband.
21:55It's Garvey.
21:57Excuse me?
21:59My name's Garvey, not Gravy.
22:01I am here to tell you, Mr Gravy,
22:02to traffic drugs into this country
22:04is a criminal offence.
22:06God, I didn't smuggle anything.
22:08They weren't even mine.
22:10An offence that carries a minimum fine of 1,000 euros
22:14and a maximum jail sentence of 25 years.
22:19I want a solicitor.
22:21I want a solicitor here, now!
22:23Can you imagine spending the rest of your life
22:26in a jail cell no bigger than this room?
22:29No.
22:30No?
22:32Can you imagine being incarcerated for 23 hours a day,
22:35never seeing your love once again,
22:38eating flies and cockroaches to keep you alive?
22:42No.
22:44Then?
22:46It is lucky for you the contents of these tablets
22:48is nothing but herbal.
22:50What?
22:52They are herbal.
22:54There is nothing in them that concerns us.
22:56You are free to go.
22:58What was all that about, then?
23:00What? In a tiny cell eating cockroaches?
23:02My local drama society are soon having
23:04open auditioning for the musical Oliver.
23:06I'm hoping for the part of Mr Bambus.
23:08You think I'm in with a shot?
23:11Your possessions are outside the door.
23:13Mr Gravy,
23:15welcome to Spain.
23:18Dickhead.
23:21One boy,
23:24boy for sale.
23:30Right.
23:32I'm pretty certain
23:34if we turn around,
23:36I might just be able to find the way back
23:39to the toll road.
23:41Oh, brilliant.
23:44One man went to Mo,
23:46went to Mo.
23:48Shut up!
23:50One man went to Mo,
23:52went to Mo.
23:54Shut up!
24:02Come on, lads.
24:0420 euros each,
24:06unlimited alcohol, food,
24:08and use of all four star facilities.
24:11Shit, look.
24:14Oh, my leg.
24:16OK, sorry, ladies and gents.
24:17Paul and I will be back later,
24:19but I've just remembered a appointment
24:21we've got over a swimming pool
24:23and a couple of bottles of San Miguel.
24:25All right, young'un.
24:27They cannot do this to me.
24:29Listen, Paul, you're going to have to wind your neck in
24:31or losing your job's going to be the least of your problems.
24:33I have to do what with my neck?
24:35But Aunty Leslie's got a little plan up her sleeve.
24:37I say to the new barman
24:39there's no point in doing the whole week's unpaid work
24:41when we can settle this
24:43with a grand cocktail competition.
24:45You against him.
24:47The winner leaves the salon.
24:49But how can I do this?
24:51He's better than me with his juggling
24:53and his gay fairy dust.
24:55He is at the moment,
24:57but I'm going to cover your shift
24:59while you spend the day with my mate, Calvino.
25:01Who is Calvino?
25:03Yeah!
25:07All right!
25:11Oh, wow!
25:15Yeah!
25:19Yeah!
25:28Yeah!
25:33Come.
25:35Shopping.
25:51Exhilarating place, this airport.
25:53You reckon?
25:55Oh, yes. As a young man, I used to hang about
25:57Glasgow Airport for hours on end.
25:59I'll bet you did.
26:00Every face tells a story.
26:02This guy, for instance.
26:04Who is Miguel?
26:06A long-lost son?
26:08A feuding brother?
26:10An illicit affair?
26:12Are you on drugs? It's just a taxi driver.
26:14OK. What about this one, then?
26:16On the face of it, a young carefree holidaymaker?
26:18But I say
26:20high-class European prostitute.
26:22Only works for the high rollers.
26:24Every night, a different country.
26:26Every night,
26:27a different millionaire Arab sheikh.
26:29Oh, my God!
26:31Yes, she's quite something.
26:34Don't forget to ask for a VAT receipt.
26:36Bianca?
26:38Dad!
26:40What are you doing here?
26:42You're supposed to be in the Maldives.
26:44I came to see you.
26:46What do you mean you came to see me?
26:48From the Maldives?
26:50Well, not just you. Mum, Tiger.
26:52Why didn't you call me?
26:54When did you book your flight?
26:56What's going on?
26:59Hey, hey, hey.
27:01Come here, come here.
27:03It's all right. Everything's all right.
27:05Now, tell me, what's going on?
27:07He's left me.
27:09Hugo's left me.
27:11What?
27:13I want my mama.
27:15Come on, princess. Come on, come on, come on. Let's go.
27:22He's gone. He left half an hour ago.
27:23Who?
27:25Mick, my husband.
27:27Who did you think I was talking about?
27:29Oh, yes, of course.
27:31Oh, blast. We must have just missed him.
27:33Thanks to your shortcut.
27:35Where's Clive?
27:37I think we've been dumped.
27:39What do you mean, dumped?
27:41For a high-class European prostitute.
27:43I must say, I had Clive down as being a little reserved,
27:46but you should have seen him.
27:48He was like a ferret up a drainpipe.
27:54He's not answering his phone.
27:56You'd better make him answer his phone.
27:58And how am I supposed to do that?
28:00Look, you don't even know if your grandson is with my son.
28:02Oh, he's with him all right.
28:04First time I saw your lad, I thought, there's trouble.
28:06I beg your pardon?
28:08Oh, it's always the same.
28:10Slow kids at school drag the others down to their level.
28:12What?
28:14Oh, yes. I spotted your lad a mile off.
28:16A wonky fringe, a fat tongue and a lazy eye.
28:19Faced like he's been chasing parked cars.
28:21Now, you listen to me.
28:23I must heal.
28:25And where the frig have you been?
28:27You know full well where I've been.
28:29They went to collect you ages ago.
28:31I can only apologise for the toxic dumping ground,
28:33otherwise known as my mother-in-law's gob.
28:35Don't you apologise to me.
28:37How your make.
28:39My husband went to find your wife to give a lift to the airport.
28:41Been gone some time, haven't they?
28:43You won't see them for the rest of the day.
28:45Shut up or I'll sit you in the shade.
28:47You don't know such frigging things.
28:48Yeah, I think I saw your husband yesterday at the airport.
28:50Short fella, brown hair,
28:52face like a squash frog.
28:54That's him.
28:56Oh, right. I must have just missed him.
28:58Mick Harvey.
29:00Tonya. Tonya Dyke.
29:02Well, Mrs. Dyke,
29:04I'm sure your husband will be back soon
29:06and I can thank him for giving my missus a lift.
29:08He's an idiot.
29:10And don't worry, he'd never make a move on your wife.
29:12No, no, I wasn't suggesting...
29:14I mean, for one, he knows I would cut his balls off.
29:15And two, he probably couldn't reach.
29:18Dad!
29:20Hey, alright!
29:22When did you get here?
29:24Just now.
29:26Hey, what have you done to your arm?
29:28I burnt it in the pool.
29:30You burnt it in the pool?
29:32Well, yeah, I was in the pool
29:34and my arm was resting on the side
29:36and I forgot to put sun cream on.
29:38Where's my mum?
29:40Come on, let's go and wait for her in reception.
29:42I'll see you later.
29:43Yeah, laters.
29:47Never forget, Baba,
29:49whatever people say about you,
29:51your mama thinks you are beautiful.
29:54What's that supposed to mean?
30:02Where on earth did you learn to toss your bottles like that?
30:05If it's not a rude question.
30:07Just picked up stuff working in bars.
30:09Know what I mean?
30:11Oh, yeah.
30:13I know what you mean.
30:15So how long have you worked here for?
30:17Just over a year now.
30:19Came here on holiday.
30:21Couldn't face going back home.
30:23Tell me about it.
30:25Well, I think you're doing a great job.
30:27Oh, why, thank you, sir.
30:29I mean, I love kids, but
30:31I couldn't work with them all the time.
30:33Kids?
30:34Yeah.
30:36What do you mean?
30:38Well, you are a kids' entertainer, aren't you?
30:40No.
30:41Well, you know, the garish clothes,
30:43the padding, the make-up.
30:45I am wearing the slightest touch of foundation.
30:47And as for me clothes,
30:49hang on, did you just say padding?
30:51Look, mate, loads of people wear fancy dress in Benidorm.
30:53No offence, yeah?
30:55Hello?
30:56Yes, ladies.
30:58I am not wearing fancy dress!
31:00Excuse me,
31:02could you tell me where Dickey Donuts Kids' Club is?
31:04Piss off!
31:08Come on, sweet pea, dry your eyes.
31:09Your mum's by the pool.
31:11This is where you're staying?
31:13Oh, my God, what a dump.
31:15Hugo booked us into a five-star beach bungalow
31:17in the Maldives.
31:19Yeah, but then he chucked you.
31:23Oh, sorry, sorry, baby,
31:25I didn't mean to say that.
31:27Come on, let's go outside.
31:29Come on, come on, come on.
31:32Oh, thanks, Pop.
31:34De nada.
31:36Hey, little friend, did you manage to cover up Jutta?
31:37Oh, my burn, yeah, yeah.
31:39It's healing nicely, thanks.
31:41What is burn? I was talking about Jutta.
31:43Tan burn, yeah, yeah.
31:45I've just put some sun cream on her.
31:47Come on, Dad, shall we go sit over there?
31:49Yeah, if you like.
31:51Hey, Alfonso, cúbrame.
31:53Gracias, chaval.
31:55Hasta luego.
31:59Where's he going?
32:01He's in training for the Benidorm Marathon.
32:03Benidorm Marathon?
32:05I've never heard such rubbish.
32:07Are you telling me
32:09there's a Benidorm Weight Watchers group next?
32:14Mick!
32:16Hey.
32:18Oh, good morning to all of you.
32:20I'm all right.
32:22We went to pick you up, but, well, it's a long story.
32:24All's well that ends well.
32:26There's one ex-con to another.
32:28I hope your time in the pokey wasn't too hard.
32:30Do you get my drift?
32:32No, thankfully I don't.
32:34Right, have you got a key? I've got to have a shower.
32:35I'm not smelling my own beer,
32:37but I'd just like to taste it now.
32:39Here you go.
32:41All right, see you outside.
32:44Mum, can you do me a favour?
32:46What?
32:48Can we not tell my dad about my tattoo?
32:50Not just yet.
32:52Well, he's going to find out about it eventually,
32:54but you've got a point.
32:56I think he's had enough for one day.
32:58I got a tattoo while in prison.
33:00It's the letters WW.
33:02I won't tell you where it is,
33:03but you'll see when I tie my shoelaces,
33:06it says WOW.
33:11Come on, let's go.
33:18Right, come on.
33:20Sup up.
33:22Got to get these back to the Solana.
33:24I was the one who said we didn't have time for a drink.
33:26Shh.
33:28I'm just going to say thanks to Eduardo for these bottles.
33:30Thanks for these, Eddie, love.
33:31I'll get them back to you sometime tomorrow.
33:33No problem.
33:35So you've definitely never seen him?
33:37Sorry.
33:39Have you lost somebody?
33:41You've not seen this fella, have you?
33:43I've got quite a substantial reward
33:45for any information leading to him.
33:47I think me and you need to have a little talk.
33:49Are we going or what?
33:51One for the road, Liam, love, one for the road.
33:53You know what she means.
34:02Have you seen Leslie?
34:04I think she's working on the full bar.
34:06We're absolutely mobbed.
34:08You haven't got a spare few hours, have you?
34:10Oh, no, not really.
34:12Liam and I are about to go through the plans
34:14for the grand re-opening of the Blowing Goat in Moray.
34:16You'd better not be selling those drinks in your salon.
34:18Oh, they're not real, they're made of rubber.
34:20Oh, but they can't, you know.
34:22Are you sure you can't spare a couple of hours?
34:24No, I'm sorry, Joyce, but the rest of our fee...
34:2615 euros an hour.
34:29Where do you want to know?
34:31I don't know.
34:33Are you on reception or are you behind the bar?
34:35Oh, I don't mind going behind the bar.
34:37No, thank you.
34:39The profits are narrow enough as it is.
34:41Shall we?
34:43If you need me, I'll be in rag times.
34:50Right.
34:54So, Anna, benedum?
34:56Uno.
34:58Uno.
35:00Uno.
35:02Dos.
35:04Dos.
35:06Tres.
35:16It's about 11.30 outside the hotel.
35:18And I don't want to go to no crappy karaoke bar.
35:20I've got very expensive tickets.
35:22I'm sure you have.
35:23I'll see you tonight.
35:25See you tonight.
35:28Right.
35:30Looks like I'm going to have to go to work earlier than planned.
35:33Could be me.
35:42Shit.
35:44You are next. You are next.
35:46All right?
35:48Wait.
35:54All right.
36:07You lost something?
36:09No. Just looking for Joyce.
36:11You know, the manager.
36:13Well, you won't find her in the top drawer behind reception.
36:15She usually has a break in the second drawer down.
36:18Second drawer. Very good.
36:21She's in rag times.
36:23Oh, yeah. Rag times.
36:25Catch you later.
36:29No.
36:31I'll catch you later.
36:43You know what's going on? It's packed.
36:45Excuse me, look. Have you got a table for four?
36:48I'm sorry, pet. We're absolutely chock-a-block.
36:50Well, where are we supposed to be dining, then?
36:51I'm sorry, Mr. Sage.
36:53I can maybe get you four chairs from the Hawaiian Function Room,
36:55but we can't fit any more tables here.
36:57That's disgusting.
36:59You should always shop.
37:11They say that you're a runaround lover
37:15Though you say it isn't so
37:18But if you put me down for a night...
37:20This is ridiculous.
37:22I put so much gravy on my pie, it keeps going all over my shorts.
37:25We'll eat this, and then we'll go outside near the pool.
37:27What, in the dark?
37:29Well, do you want to sit up here all night?
37:31I wanted to do karaoke.
37:33Oh, and it always boils down to what you want to do, doesn't it?
37:35Hey, I've already lost the first two days of my holiday because of you.
37:37Just watch it.
37:39What's the difference?
37:41You're never around when people need you, anyway.
37:43Tell her, tell her, Janice, because I am going to miss you.
37:44Shut up, the pair of you.
37:46Do you mind having your argument a bit later?
37:48I'm trying to sing.
37:50And we're trying to eat our dinner.
37:52But you say that you're at home and you put me in
37:56And how much you really care
38:01I'm not happy with this competition.
38:03I didn't sanction it.
38:05Look at it this way.
38:07If people are watching, they're not drinking.
38:09Oh, that's true.
38:10Ask them to spin it out as long as possible.
38:12Hey, amigo.
38:14We all call vino a jumping jack, 65 euros.
38:16You little bugger.
38:18You said you wished you knew the cocktail lessons for naught.
38:20Oh, it is not for the lessons.
38:22It is for all the bottles of alcohol I smashed.
38:24Looks like I've arrived in the nick of time.
38:26Practice bottles from the beach.
38:29It's not who you know until you've slept with them.
38:31One of these days you're going to be sorry
38:34You're going to be sorry
38:36You're going to be sorry
38:38You're going to be sorry
38:41Complimentary cocktails.
38:43Thank you very much.
38:45Bianca, will you please eat something?
38:47I don't want to eat nothing.
38:49You don't want to eat nothing. She is grieving.
38:51You've got to eat something. You've had nothing all day.
38:53I'll have something later when I go out.
38:55Go out? Where are you going out?
38:57I'm going out with a friend later.
38:59Friend? Friends? You haven't got any friends.
39:02I think you'll find it's you that hasn't got any friends.
39:04Where are you going, Bubba?
39:06Just out for some drinks with a couple of girls I was talking to earlier.
39:08Lovely.
39:10When did you speak to them?
39:12I didn't see you speaking to any girls.
39:14Oh, for goodness sake, will you shut up whining?
39:16It's all you've done since the moment you arrived.
39:23Oh, my goodness.
39:25Cheers, mate.
39:27Michael, have you finished with them chips?
39:29Well, that's the end of my first set this evening.
39:31I'd like to thank my backing group
39:33for eating their pies in time to the music.
39:35I couldn't have done it without you.
39:36Do you want me pastry?
39:38No, of course I don't want your pastry.
39:40It's soggy.
39:42Nearly finished.
39:44Your fish pile beer in a minute.
39:46No rush.
39:48I'm absolutely fine.
39:50Reminds me of the old Amsterdam days.
39:54Oh, yeah.
39:56Okay, ladies and gentlemen,
39:58we have two competitors.
40:00Jason and Matthew.
40:02The cocktail is Sex on the Beach.
40:06And we have three categories to score.
40:09Bottle Technique, Cocktail Appearance
40:12and Cocktail Flavour.
40:15Take it away, boys.
40:33Cheers!
40:59What's he playing at?
41:00What's he playing at?
41:02Shut up and get on with it.
41:12Bon appétit.
41:15Excuse me.
41:17Are you Joyce Temple Savage?
41:19That is I.
41:21How can I be of assistance?
41:23I can't help noticing you're rather busy this evening.
41:25We're a very popular four-star hotel.
41:27My name's Beverley Westwood.
41:28I meant four-star.
41:31I manage the all-inclusive Alberta on the front.
41:34Oh, yes, I'm aware of it.
41:36How can I help?
41:38We're rather busy tonight.
41:40Yes, rather busy with too many guests.
41:43Guests wearing all-inclusive wristbands.
41:46Stolen wristbands, I bet.
41:48Stolen?
41:50Oh, yes.
41:52And I've come to get the person responsible.
41:59He's waiting on the floor.
42:01Do something.
42:03Come on!
42:24We've got to go.
42:26No, we've got to go now.
42:28I'll explain later.
42:30Oh, calm down. What's the problem?
42:32All right, you stay here, but I'm going.
42:34Oi, come here!
42:36What the friggin' hell's that?
42:38Hey, answer me. When did you get this?
42:51Then I got the tip off that he'd been seen here, so I came over.
42:55I knew something wasn't right
42:56when he offered to work for free.
42:58Very perceptive.
43:00The lad's got various scams, wristbands just being one of them.
43:04He worked for us as a lifeguard.
43:06He nicked everything apart from the water in the pool.
43:09Little!
43:11Please, allow me.
43:27Aye, not bad.
43:40Yeah, yeah, yeah, not bad.
43:43I'm just about the tip.
43:45Rubbish!
43:49Now let's have your votes by way of applause.
43:52First of all, for the brilliant Matthew!
43:54Matthew!
43:58And for our second competitor, Jason.
44:10Looks like a dead heat to me.
44:19Sorry, mate. You can't argue a public opinion.
44:22No, I think you can.
44:24Shit!
44:29What's going on?
44:32Yeah, well, he says your son did it.
44:35I didn't say that. I said he was wimmy.
44:37Are you accusing my boy of forcing your son to get a talent?
44:41Absolute scum. I knew it the first time I set eyes on this family.
44:45Just leave it.
44:47Give him a smack in the gob, see how he likes that.
44:49I'm not going to be doing that much, because Morgan...
44:50Whoa, whoa!
45:05What is going on?
45:07I think the new boy has just resigned.
45:09Do I keep my job?
45:11What do you think? Now get behind that bar.
45:15Chunky!
45:20What is wrong with you?