Benidorm S07 E06 - Episode #7.6
Category
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Short filmTranscript
00:00THEME SONG PLAYS
00:02WHISTLE BLOWS
00:27You've got to be joking. Kenneth!
00:30Oh, God! Jesus!
00:33Sorry. Sorry I didn't realise you were closing.
00:37What?
00:40Oh.
00:41Oh, I thought I'd fallen asleep on the bog floor in Café Benidorm again.
00:45You haven't been to bed, have you?
00:46If you're sicky. I don't smoke.
00:49Kenneth, we took five bookings after our makeover last night
00:51and they're all waiting in blow and go.
00:53What are you doing here, then? Come on, hop off.
00:55HE COUGHS
01:00No point having a dog and barking yourself.
01:03HE SNORTS
01:17Good morning, Geoffrey.
01:18Morning.
01:22Did you sleep all right?
01:23I'm feeling...
01:25..not comfortable.
01:27Oh, don't worry, Rue, Bella.
01:29Took me a while to get used to the beds here.
01:34How did you sleep?
01:35Like a baby. Wet and windy.
01:38I don't remember doing that much sleeping, thanks to your snoring.
01:42That's me. I don't know it.
01:44All us malt bees suffer with them.
01:47I don't.
01:49I had no sleep, too.
01:51I think maybe we can spend some time today alone?
01:56Away from the hotel?
01:57Oh, what a good idea.
01:59I think you'll never met me and her.
02:03Oh, yes, of course.
02:05You young kids, get off.
02:07You don't want an old nag like me weighing you down.
02:11No.
02:14Look, shall we all get some breakfast?
02:21KIDS SCREAM
02:24Oh, my cardigan!
02:26You don't need a cardigan, it's boiling!
02:30Caution needs a cardy.
02:33Now, it's on, the lass.
02:35Not like us bully beef and chips.
02:38CAR DOOR SLAMS
02:41Oh, you've got to be joking.
02:44What's happened?
02:46The lift's stuck.
02:47Oh, that's not good, is it?
02:51Oh, what are we going to do?
02:53Will you be quiet? I'm sorting it.
02:55You're not sorting it,
02:57you're just pressing all the buttons in the wrong order.
03:01How can it be the wrong order? We're not moving.
03:04Look, son, the last thing you want to do is to confuse it.
03:09You know what happened to Willy Wonka?
03:11He's went up through the roof.
03:13Mother, will you just calm down?
03:15How can I calm down?
03:17We could be stuck in here all day.
03:20Help!
03:22Help! Mother!
03:24Mother, for God's sake!
03:26Oh, I'm sorry, son.
03:28Let's just keep going.
03:29The last thing we want to do in a situation like this is panic.
03:34KNOCK AT DOOR
03:35Help!
03:36KNOCK AT DOOR
03:38Help, for God's sake!
03:39Someone help!
03:42We're going to die!
03:43We're fucked! We're going to die!
03:46We're going to die!
03:47CHICKIE GIRLS
03:49Oh, Chickie Girls, come on, come on, come on!
03:52SHE LAUGHS
03:55Oh!
03:56CHICKIE GIRLS
03:58CHICKIE GIRLS
03:59CHICKIE GIRLS
04:01CHICKIE GIRLS
04:02CHICKIE BOYS
04:04CHICKIE GIRLS
04:06CHICKIE BOYS
04:08CHICKIE GIRLS
04:10CHICKIE, CHICKIE...
04:11Excuse me.
04:13Buenas.
04:14The lift, it has stopped working.
04:16I had to walk down many stairs.
04:18I am sure that this is not a problem for someone who is young and healthy.
04:23Exactly. So for my fiancé and his mother, it must have been terrible.
04:27Do not tell me you are marrying that ugly, angry, fat man?
04:31Geoffrey's not angry. He's very clever.
04:34And you are very rude.
04:35What's going on here?
04:36Your lift, like your staff, is, how you say, out of order.
04:40Fair point well made.
04:42Get on the phone and bring that lift company now.
04:47In Romania, we have a proverb.
04:49It is better to choose the successful man with a large stomach
04:52over a poor husband who has muscles.
04:54In Spain, we have a saying also.
04:56Do not try to dig for gold in a field of doggie dew.
05:04I tell you what, Jacqueline,
05:05these last few days with you have been a real delight.
05:08Oh, that's nice.
05:11And don't try telling me you haven't enjoyed getting out and about.
05:14Well...
05:15But today is a day for calm, quiet thinking.
05:19Ah, yes.
05:21A day when all we do is serenely reflect on our relationships
05:25with Rhiannon and Donald
05:27and bask in our newfound friendship.
05:31Ah, that sounds lovely.
05:33Today, we are not leaving these sunbeds.
05:37I'm going to email Rhiannon at our place in France.
05:41Have you ever experienced a French gîte?
05:44What? Do you mean like when you've eaten too many croissants?
05:48Er, no.
05:50It's basically a French cottage.
05:53We find it very relaxing.
05:55Oh, Donald went cottaging in France one summer
05:59with his friend Martin Lucky James.
06:02He said it was lovely.
06:04But I don't remember him using the word relaxing.
06:08Oh, there's no way you wouldn't like this place, Jacqueline.
06:12I'd show you photos,
06:14but I can't seem to get the damned internet working.
06:17You're not trying to get on the internet, are you, mate?
06:19Yeah. I wouldn't bother. The Wi-Fi's been down all morning.
06:22I'm going to nip into town and get a dongle.
06:24Oh, would you get one for me?
06:28My husband's not back from...
06:35Ladies and gentlemen, apologies about the internet.
06:39We've got the telecoms men coming
06:42and the engineers are on the way to sort the lifts.
06:45Get a couple of cocktails down your neck and just chill out.
06:52Depends how it is you are, OK?
06:54That woman has all the public relations skills of Maltese tongue.
06:58I don't know what she's talking about.
07:00That woman has all the public relations skills of Maltese tongue.
07:06You are staying here long before your next job?
07:08Between you and me, Matteo, I don't have a next job.
07:11Ostia. But you said...
07:13I know what I said, but who's going to give me a job at my age?
07:16Crystal Hennessy Bass basically ended my career.
07:19That bastard.
07:20Well, I'm not exactly a fan, but steady on, she's still your boss.
07:24No. That bastard.
07:26Hello, mate. How's it going?
07:29What are you doing here? And why are you wearing this T-shirt?
07:33Ostia.
07:35Jamie! Jamie!
07:37Do not struggle. Resistance is fertile.
07:40Get off!
07:42Please, no! What's going on here?
07:44This asshole has been here before.
07:46Now he's a poser to be a member of staff.
07:49I'm not a poser.
07:50Posing.
07:52Are you all right?
07:53Yeah. I'm fine, thanks, Auntie Jamie.
07:56The last time he was here, he...
07:58What did you say?
07:59This is Jason, my nephew, and the new salon-ahead barman.
08:10Jamie, put... Jamie, putting our differences aside,
08:14I really must protest. You cannot hire this man.
08:16He's a professional con artist.
08:18What has it got to do with you?
08:20But, Jamie, it is true.
08:22He stole money and wristbands and girls.
08:24Girls?
08:26I mean money and wristbands.
08:28Come on, Mateo.
08:30What sort of way is that to treat an old friend?
08:33Hey, calm down, fella.
08:35It's true, Jamie, whether he's your nephew or not.
08:38The fact is he was stealing from this hotel.
08:40And it's also a fact that blood is thicker than water
08:44and that my Jason is the finest cocktail maker from here to the widdle.
08:48Thanks, Auntie Jamie.
08:50That's really sweet.
08:51And anyone got a problem with that can take it up with the manager.
08:54But, Jamie, you are the manager.
08:56You never got any brighter while I was away, did you?
08:59Get back to work, doll. All of you.
09:10Are you sure you haven't got any food? Check your bag.
09:13I've got nothing, son.
09:15I had a packet of them crisp things from the plane,
09:18but I took them out my bag.
09:21I'd have thought Rubella would have raised the alarm by now.
09:26Mother, her name's not Rubella.
09:29I thought that was strange.
09:32Is it a nickname?
09:34No, it's not. It's...
09:36It don't matter.
09:38Still, strange she hasn't let anyone know we're here.
09:46Why don't you just go home?
09:49Why don't you just come out with it, Mam?
09:51Say what's bothering you.
09:53Well...
09:55I just don't think she's the right girl for you.
09:59And on what hard evidence are you basing this wild supposition?
10:03It's not superstition.
10:06The Maltby gut is never wrong.
10:11Last time I had this feeling,
10:14I ignored it,
10:16and three weeks later...
10:19Bang!
10:219-11.
10:23Incredible.
10:25I don't know how you do it.
10:27Oh, it's a gift.
10:29All I'm saying, son...
10:33..is there's something going on with her, Rubella.
10:37Something I can't put my finger on.
10:42You don't know how I get at it.
10:44We chatted online for weeks.
10:47She's had a really traumatic childhood.
10:50Has she?
10:51Yeah. Just give it a chance.
10:54Don't be so quick to judge.
10:57You don't know what secrets people are carrying round with them.
11:02You, more than most people, should know that.
11:07Meaning what?
11:08You don't want to discuss it now, do you?
11:11Well, that's up to you, son.
11:14We're not going anywhere.
11:26Oh, hello, sir. I wonder if you've ever been interested in...
11:29No, I ain't.
11:41Have you ever thought of a holiday home in the Costa Blanca?
11:44It's you!
11:45Me what?
11:46You don't remember me, do you?
11:48Yeah, you just walked past me a second ago.
11:51No, I don't mean that.
11:53Should I stay or should I go now?
11:56Should I stay or should I go now?
11:58I think you should probably go.
12:00If I go, there will be trouble.
12:02If I stay, there will be double.
12:04Have you got a number of someone I can call to collect you?
12:07All right, what about this one?
12:09Come on, Arlene. Oh, I swear what it means.
12:14You are Melanie O'Mara.
12:16Thistle Me Junior School. Which more ill?
12:20Oh, my God! Specky Clive!
12:23What?
12:24Specky Clive. Is that really you?
12:26I don't believe it.
12:28I didn't know people called me Specky Clive.
12:30Oh, no, they didn't. That was just me.
12:32Oh.
12:33Everyone else called you Pigsy.
12:35Pigsy?
12:36Yeah, you know, from the television series, Monkey.
12:39Well, that or Penfold or Morocco Mold or...
12:44Vodafone.
12:45Yeah, yeah, all right, I'll get the picture.
12:47So what are you doing here?
12:49I'm on holiday.
12:50Oh, Specky Clive. I don't believe it.
12:53Do you mind not calling me that?
12:56So, how are you?
12:58You're looking great.
13:00Really?
13:01You here with your family?
13:02I'm here with my son.
13:03Right. Married?
13:05Separated.
13:06Oh, I'm sorry.
13:08I'm not.
13:11Working?
13:12I work in the building game.
13:14You're in construction?
13:15You're joking.
13:17I'm in property development, as you can see.
13:22Listen, Clive.
13:24I've got something you might be interested in.
13:27Have you?
13:28Yeah.
13:29We could chat about it if you've got some time.
13:31Yeah, maybe over a few drinks.
13:34How about a couple of drinks of sangria?
13:40Sounds good. Sounds good.
13:42What is it?
13:44Well, it's a kind of fruit punch made out of red wine.
13:47No.
13:48What is it you wanted to chat about?
13:50Oh, right.
13:52Well, we've got these villas.
13:55Bank repossessions.
13:57Now, they're no good for your average punter,
13:59but for someone like you who knows what they're doing,
14:02they're a steal.
14:03Now, I don't know whether you're in a position to buy,
14:06but they're worth a look at.
14:08Where are they?
14:09They're in Fenny Strat, ten minutes away in the car.
14:12Lead the way.
14:14I always knew Specky Clive would make something of himself.
14:18Yeah?
14:20Yeah.
14:21Come on.
14:28Right, that's it.
14:30I've done four washing below the dryers,
14:32and that's me done for the day.
14:34Did you bring me any cigs?
14:35Did you not hear me?
14:36Did you not hear me? I'm gasping here.
14:38I said I'm not doing any more work today.
14:40Oh, I don't blame you, love.
14:42Gorgeous day today.
14:43Kenneth, this is no way to run a business.
14:47Have you not been to bed yet?
14:49My head is banging.
14:51You know what last time I saw you?
14:52You were in a taxi on the way to the Peppermint Lounge.
14:54Oh, please.
14:55I prefer to learn about my socialising
14:57in the society columns of the local press.
15:00Liam, three cocktails, love.
15:02We can't run a business like this.
15:04What's wrong with him?
15:06No idea.
15:08So I'm warning you, just keep your nose clean while you're here.
15:11Come on, Auntie Janie, you don't believe them, do you?
15:14How long have I known you?
15:15All my life.
15:16Yeah, so don't try and shit a shitter.
15:19I wouldn't trust you as far as I could throw you.
15:21So why did you give me the job?
15:23Because you're family and we stick together.
15:25Right, off you go.
15:27Oh, Jason, give that to Temple Savage, will you?
15:30I forgot.
15:31What is it?
15:32A shepherd's pie.
15:36It's a letter, dickhead.
15:38Are you sure your mother didn't drop it on your head
15:40when you were a kid?
15:41What's it about?
15:42Who do you think I am, the man with X-ray eyes?
15:45Hey, what are you doing?
15:49It's from the Luxor Spa and Resort.
15:52I've heard of that.
15:53It's up in Altair Hills.
15:55It's a five-star.
15:56Knowing the amazing job you have done
15:58turning around the fortunes of the Solana,
16:01we would therefore love to meet you
16:03with a view to offering the position of hotel manager
16:06of the Luxor Spa and Resort.
16:08The jammy cow.
16:10We would therefore love to meet you.
16:13They've never met her.
16:14They don't even know what she looks like.
16:16So?
16:17So you roll up, say they got the name wrong.
16:20Temple Savage got the boot ages ago
16:23and it's you who saved the Solana.
16:26Shut the door on the way out, son.
16:28I've got a phone call to make.
16:32And then, the day Yanella's father came out of prison,
16:37her mother died.
16:39On the same day?
16:41Same day.
16:44He couldn't get work.
16:46The criminal record.
16:48So that's when she was brought up for adoption.
16:52So you see, ma'am,
16:54we're not all that different, are we?
17:00I don't know what you mean.
17:02Come on, ma'am.
17:04I do know.
17:07You do?
17:08Course I do.
17:09I've always known.
17:12Really?
17:13Yeah, really.
17:15How did you find out?
17:18Auntie Doreen told me years ago.
17:22No big deal.
17:25Of course it's a big deal.
17:28I wanted to tell you, well,
17:31when you were older,
17:33and then all of a sudden you were older.
17:36And, well...
17:40I'm so sorry, son.
17:42Don't be daft.
17:44You're still the same person.
17:47You're still me ma'am.
17:50I don't know what to say, son.
17:52What can you say?
17:54Shit happens.
17:56We'd been trying for a baby for years
18:00and it didn't look as though anything was going to happen.
18:05Time was running out, son.
18:08And the ironic thing is
18:12that six months after we adopted you,
18:16I fell pregnant with Pauline.
18:21What?
18:24I said, after all the rigmarole of...
18:35That's not what you were talking about, is it?
18:42No, that's...
18:46I was talking about you having been in prison.
18:49Prison? I've never been in prison.
18:52Auntie Doreen said you had.
18:55She must have got it wrong.
18:58Me and your father were given a suspended sentence
19:03for taking the Christmas Club money.
19:07Except I knew nothing about it.
19:10It was your father.
19:17Your father.
19:25I'm so sorry.
19:47I should probably warn you about my business partner, Monty.
19:51He's proper old school.
19:53He'll probably try and give you the hard sell.
19:55But don't worry, though.
19:57I'll tell him you're here as a friend.
19:59PHONE RINGS
20:01That's him now.
20:03PHONE RINGS
20:05Yeah? I'm outside.
20:07Keep your hair on, will you?
20:09Yeah.
20:13Yeah.
20:16Can you hear me?
20:18Yeah, we've hit the jackpot with this one.
20:20I used to go to school with him.
20:22Complete idiot.
20:24Yeah, and he's got money.
20:41Is that another ice cream?
20:44You've only just finished one.
20:46So what? I'm on my holidays.
20:49It's never quite the same a second ice cream.
20:51Like a second cup of tea.
20:53Just takes the edge off it.
20:55You should have put a flake in it like the first one.
20:57Don't be ridiculous. I'm not a pig.
21:00Where did my dad go again?
21:02Oh, he's gone to buy something for his laptop or something.
21:04But you know what he's like.
21:06He'll probably come back with a brand-new car.
21:08I don't think so.
21:10He's stupid, but he's not that stupid.
21:14Oh, Monty, this is Clive,
21:16an old school friend, now a construction tycoon.
21:19Well, I wouldn't go that far.
21:21Montgomery Evans. Welcome to paradise.
21:23Yeah, it looks like it.
21:25Oh, don't be fooled, my friend.
21:27This is a goldmine for the right buyer,
21:29but I'm sure I don't need to tell you that.
21:31Shall we?
21:39What?
21:41Nothing.
21:43It's just sad to see a beautiful woman
21:45to bring her own drinks,
21:47ignored by her fiancé this way.
21:49My fiancé is an important man.
21:51He's out on business, for sure.
21:53What business does this guy have?
21:55He comes here on holiday with his mother.
21:57You do not know about business, but how can you?
22:00You are just a barman.
22:02Hey, I have been here many years.
22:04I come when I want, I go when I want.
22:06I am my own boss.
22:08Mateo, get those empty crates shifted.
22:10And give this bar a wipe-down. It's filthy.
22:13Do it yourself.
22:15I answer to no man.
22:17Actually, you answer to one man, me.
22:20Janie made me bar manager, remember?
22:26And give this shirt a wash.
22:28I've worked up quite a sweat.
22:31Madame, if you'd like to take your seat,
22:34I'll bring your drink to you.
22:39I think I should eat something.
22:41Yeah, you'll waste away.
22:44Didn't eat anything all yesterday.
22:46Oh, apart from that Don O'Meat pizza from Mariano's
22:49at 5pm this morning.
22:50Did I?
22:51Yeah, you took a picture of it and sent it to everyone in your phonebook.
22:54Really?
22:55Oh, I must stop doing that. It's costing me a fortune.
22:58Oh, he's looking at you again.
23:01I don't know why.
23:03I don't know why.
23:05Oh, he's looking at you again.
23:08The good-looking one.
23:10Well, tell him to buy me a drink first.
23:12I'm not the slag my hot pants would suggest.
23:14Not you, Annie.
23:22Looking for a man, not a boy.
23:25Right on cue.
23:30Allow me.
23:36And if you need anything else, just let me know.
23:52Looks like you got the pick of the bunch.
23:54What can I say?
23:56Look up the word irresistible in the dictionary
23:58and you'll see two words.
24:00Kenneth.
24:03It seems like a lot of work on the face of it,
24:05but basically, it's just snagging for a man of your experience.
24:08Snagging? You've got no walls.
24:11No walls, no roof, no electricity,
24:16no plumbing, no pool.
24:19But if you've got the resources to finish this place,
24:22you've got a three-bedroom villa,
24:24a two-bedroom house,
24:26a two-bedroom house,
24:28a two-bedroom house,
24:30and if you finish this place,
24:32you've got a three-bedroom villa with mountain views for 120,000.
24:36And that's supposed to be cheap, is it?
24:38Well, you pay more than that for the land.
24:40Or we give it to Clive for the cost price.
24:43Oh, sorry, Melanie.
24:45Just for a moment, I thought you said the cost price.
24:48Well, we've got to do something.
24:50Well, call me a traditionalist,
24:52but I do have a soft spot
24:54for making something we used to have in the 80s.
24:56It's called a profit.
24:58We could look at it as a loss leader.
25:00You can call it what you like, Melanie,
25:02but you know what my wife and kids are like.
25:04Always crying out for luxuries,
25:06like food and shoes.
25:08What's the cost price?
25:1060,000 euros.
25:12Melanie, have you completely lost your tiny mind?
25:15I told you, Clive's an old mate.
25:18Well, why don't we throw in my 4x4 as well?
25:20If you hold my jacket, I'll give him the shirt off my back.
25:23Look, I'm going to be honest with you.
25:25We're in deep trouble.
25:26Instead of selling these on behalf of the bank,
25:28we bought the lot.
25:29We got them for a ridiculous price, but we can't shift them.
25:32We just need one finished,
25:34and then I know we'll be fighting people off.
25:36Melanie, how many times have I got to say this?
25:39We cannot sell houses for no profit.
25:42I'll forfeit any of my profit on all future house sales.
25:45I want out, Monty. I can't sleep at night.
25:48And this is the only way forward.
25:5060,000.
25:51If you spend 20,000 on it
25:53and there's still 100 grand in it for you minimum,
25:55I'll do all the marketing to sell it.
26:01Let me have another look around.
26:17Jacqueline, I'm looking for a personal hotspot.
26:21Oh, yeah?
26:23There's one called Big Man 32.
26:26I'm trying to figure out where it is.
26:28It's not in the old town, is it?
26:30No, it has to be here somewhere.
26:32Big Man 32.
26:34It must be someone within touching distance.
26:38But I can't approach every big man in his early 30s.
26:41Oh, you'll be at it all day.
26:43Unfortunately, gone are the times
26:45when you could piggyback without people knowing.
26:48They all use passwords now.
26:50Do they?
26:51Oh, yeah.
26:52What about that fella over there?
26:54Hmm, a possibility.
26:56Do you think he fits the description of a big man?
26:59I can't tell. He's lying on his front.
27:02Hmm, problem is, I feel embarrassed asking him for a connection.
27:07Oh, I could ask him for you.
27:09No, I've never found it easy to solicit strangers.
27:13I'll wait.
27:14If that chap brings you a dongle, perhaps I could use it first.
27:18As long as you give it a good rinse when you're finished with it.
27:21Of course.
27:28This one secures the sale
27:30and agrees to pay us the £5,000 deposit within three days.
27:34That shouldn't be a problem.
27:36I'll do an online transfer this afternoon,
27:38as soon as I get a dongle for my laptop.
27:41It also states you have full access to the house
27:44from tomorrow morning for the purpose of repairs.
27:47Right. What about those jugs?
27:51I'm sorry, the contract only covers access to the house.
27:54What?
27:55Clive and I were going to have a bit of a catch-up over a sangria or two.
27:59Oh! I see.
28:02Well, it's a pleasure doing business with you, Mr Dyke.
28:05A genuine pleasure.
28:07I'll give you a full debriefing on the property in the car
28:10on the way back to Benidorm.
28:12Can I borrow your tape measure? I'm going to have one last look round.
28:15Consider it a house-warming gift.
28:18I'll be waiting for you in the car. No worries.
28:25Oh, yes! £5,000!
28:28Shut up, he'll hear you.
28:30Oh, God, you're brilliant!
28:32Don't you be long and make sure he keeps his hands to himself.
28:36Oh, please, you're joking.
28:37I reckon we can squeeze another £10,000 out of this one
28:40before he finds out the property's worthless.
28:42Another £10,000? Oh, yeah.
28:44No buffet at Mr Wu's for us tonight.
28:47We are going à la carte at the China Garden.
28:50Seriously? Oh, yeah.
28:52Chips and rice for us tonight, Melanie.
28:54Chips and rice! Ooh!
29:18I can't believe you lied.
29:20I never lied. I just didn't tell you.
29:24I suppose I thought if you found out,
29:28you'd want to try and find your real mum.
29:31And then I thought I might lose you.
29:34And you mean everything to me.
29:37No.
29:39I mean about you having no food.
29:42I told you to go to bed.
29:44You mean no food?
29:46I told you to double-check your bag.
29:48Me and my mum are both sitting here wasting away.
29:52I don't think a mini-pack of porky pretzels
29:56would make a lot of difference.
30:01A unique taste explosion of New York pretzel and prime pork scratching.
30:06They sound disgusting.
30:10What are you doing?
30:15I'm sorry, son.
30:21You only did what you thought was right.
30:24Sometimes the severity of a situation
30:27doesn't hit you too much later.
30:31I was talking about pork scratchings.
30:36So was I.
30:38I'm sorry.
30:41So was I.
30:47I love you, son.
30:51My son.
30:54I love you too, Mum.
31:01Now...
31:03how are we going to get out of here?
31:07Well, some situations call for dignity and patience.
31:13Others require two grown adults to scream like scarlet cats.
31:20After three.
31:22One, two, three.
31:27Help!
31:29Help!
31:31Help!
31:33Mum!
31:35Shit.
31:41Oh, salvation!
31:52Maybe today was meant to happen.
31:55I mean, if the lift dance stops,
31:58I might never atone.
32:00I always felt sure something would happen
32:03to make me tell you eventually.
32:06A long-lost relative on the doorstep
32:09or a knackered kidney.
32:12I'm part of that.
32:16I don't mind you looking for your real mum.
32:19I'll help you to do it, son, if that's what you want.
32:23But it isn't, Mum.
32:26For now, all I want to do is get out of here and get some dinner.
32:30And after that, well...
32:33you're my mum.
32:35Nobody else.
32:40And I'm sorry for what I said about Rubella.
32:45Well, I'm not.
32:47I think you've got a point there.
32:49Really?
32:51Yeah.
32:53All this talk about marriage and kids.
32:56Sometimes you've got to stand still for a long time
32:59before you realise you're moving too fast.
33:12Sorry, mate, I didn't have a chance to get your dongle.
33:15I ended up going in the internet cafe across the road.
33:18Never fear, my friend.
33:20I made alternative arrangements with Big Man 32.
33:23Oh, yeah?
33:25He's paid for unlimited access to his hot spot.
33:30I'll leave you to it, I think.
33:37Buenas tardes, as we say in Hispania.
33:40Where have you been?
33:42Did you get the internet sorted?
33:44I've got more than that.
33:46Holiday home. What do you think?
33:49Ooh, lovely.
33:51Oh, don't tell me you want one.
33:53Want one? I just bought one.
33:55What?
33:57Well, I put a deposit down on one anyway.
33:59So what do you think? Amazing!
34:01Have you spoken to Mum about it?
34:03No.
34:05This was an executive decision.
34:07I tend to do those on my own.
34:12If you're waiting for a tip, you're going to be standing there a while.
34:15I don't want a tip, but I'll give you one.
34:18That's that unfinished urbanisation up near Finistras, isn't it?
34:22Yeah, that's the one.
34:24You bought an house that isn't finished?
34:26I don't expect you'll remember, son.
34:29But actually, I'm a builder.
34:31You'll need more than a builder for this one, pal.
34:33More like a solicitor.
34:35This one is a disaster zone.
34:37I saw it on the DIY SOS Spanish special.
34:40No planning permission.
34:42It's been all over the local news for the past year.
34:45Oh, good luck in getting that deposit back.
35:15I don't have to dream alone
35:18I beg you, don't make me dream alone
35:30Thank you, Tiger, there, with Dream Lover.
35:33Now, back by popular demand,
35:36Benidorm's very own Leroy C and his Motown Memories!
35:42Woo!
35:46You look great.
35:51Never met a girl who makes me feel the way that you do
35:57Where's Macbeth?
35:59He went to make a phone call.
36:02I don't think I'm making myself clear.
36:05I understand you have reservations,
36:07but you have signed a legally binding contract.
36:10Yeah, for a place that's built on land that you don't own.
36:14It's all over the internet. You've got no planning permission.
36:18Mr Dyke, you have my word
36:20that this small discrepancy will all blow over.
36:23Blow over? You don't own the land your houses are built on.
36:28You're not familiar with the Spanish law, are you, Mr Dyke?
36:32A small, minor detail like this will all be sorted within a year or two.
36:36A year or two?
36:38Don't worry, it's not all bad news.
36:40Your £5,000 deposit hit our account this afternoon,
36:43so your holiday home in the sun is secured.
36:46The only thing that's going to be secure
36:48are my hands around your bleeding neck.
36:52Hello? You're breaking up.
36:55I'm going to be at that shit tip of a building site of yours
36:58at ten o'clock tomorrow morning, and if you ain't there...
37:02Mr Dyke, I can't hear a word you're saying.
37:05I'm currently driving down to Alicante for dinner with some friends
37:09and the signal is very bad.
37:11Hello? Hello?
37:13Hello? Hello?
37:16Hello?
37:18Bastard!
37:22Sorry, not you.
37:27If you want me to hide and seek with my love
37:30Let me remind you
37:32It's all right
37:34The loving I'm gonna miss
37:36In my time it takes to find
37:39That's it, it's all sorted.
37:41The deal's done, the looks are, I've checked my references.
37:44The job's mine and we start on Wednesday.
37:47Amazing.
37:48Oh, and there's a suite in your name from tonight
37:51until they source out our accommodation.
37:54Thanks, Auntie Janie.
37:56Hey, have you handed in your notice yet?
37:58I've left Tennessee Bass a message.
38:00The amount of money she was paying me,
38:02she's lucky she had me working here for as long as she did.
38:05I'm gonna put that poor cow out of her misery, come on.
38:08Oi!
38:10We're off.
38:11I beg your pardon?
38:13It's not working out for me here.
38:15I'm sorry, your horrible accent aside,
38:18I still have no idea what you're talking about.
38:20I've got another job.
38:22Me and Jason are leaving.
38:24You can't just leave.
38:26Are you ready? I'm going to Jumping Jacks for a celebratory drink.
38:30Are you coming?
38:32Maybe in a bit.
38:34Yeah, I'm just in the middle of something.
38:36All right, but don't hang around too much.
38:38For someone who's just got her job back,
38:40she's not taking it too well, is she?
38:44Sorry about that.
38:46Just a bit of business about a five-star hotel in Altair I'm involved with.
38:50Right, where were we?
38:52I was saying my fiancé will be back soon.
38:55Oh, yeah?
38:57Where's he gone again?
38:59I'm not sure. He has been out all the day.
39:02Well, I'll just have to look after you until he gets back, then, eh?
39:11You missed me singing.
39:13What can I say? I'll get over it.
39:16Oi, there's no need to be like that.
39:18It ain't his fault you bought a house built out of Lego.
39:21It's not what it's built out of, it's what it's built on.
39:27Sorry, son. Whatever.
39:29Sounds like you've been stitched up good and proper.
39:31Yeah, well, I ain't going to take it lying down.
39:33What are you going to do? I'm going to sleep on it.
39:36How are you going to sleep on it without lying down?
39:41Can you wonder why you're single?
39:52You look like a girl who's used to a bit of five-star luxury.
39:56I do enjoy the finer things in life.
39:59Of course you do.
40:00Listen, if your fella doesn't come back tonight,
40:03I'll always find you somewhere in my hotel, the Luxor.
40:07Your hotel? I thought you were a barman.
40:10You're joking, aren't you?
40:13Have you ever heard of that programme, Undercover Boss?
40:29Geoffrey, where have you been?
40:31I've been knocking on your door.
40:33I thought you might have organised a press conference or something.
40:36To help try and find us.
40:37Why would I need to do that?
40:39You've not seen us since this morning, remember?
40:41Of course, but it is you who did not call me while you were out.
40:44The lift stuck.
40:46I know. I was the one who told the hotel.
40:49It stuck before we got a chance to get out of it.
40:54What?
40:55You have been in there all this time?
40:58Yeah.
40:59Yeah, we have.
41:01Oh, my goodness.
41:02Well, where did you think we'd got to?
41:04I thought you must be engaging in important business.
41:10Yeah, about that.
41:13We need to talk.
41:15I'll get us some drinks.
41:20The thing is...
41:22I'm not a businessman.
41:24I'm unemployed.
41:26At the moment.
41:28What has happened?
41:30Something has happened today?
41:31Yes, the merger of your company, it did not go through?
41:35Because you were stuck in the lift?
41:37There is no company.
41:40I don't live in a mansion.
41:45You do not have eight bathrooms?
41:48No.
41:50No.
41:52I've got one.
41:54And that's not working at the moment.
41:57I have to pull the ball cook up by hand to get a complete flush.
42:00I don't understand.
42:02When you want the system to fill up with water, you have to...
42:04No, I mean, why did you lie?
42:10I just got carried away.
42:13Jeff.
42:15None of these things matter when two people are in love.
42:19That's what I think.
42:22And one day...
42:25you will be in love with someone
42:27and she will not care that you have no job and no money.
42:31Right.
42:33But, Jeffrey, for me, you must understand,
42:35all of these things are very important.
42:38Yeah, I know they are.
42:44So...
42:46where does this leave us?
42:48I mean, we're leaving tomorrow.
42:52I will make other arrangements.
42:54I can't just leave you here in Benidorm. You don't know anybody.
42:57Please, Jeffrey, do not worry about me.
43:01I will go now and collect my things.
43:03You never.
43:05I just need to know one thing.
43:11Did you even...
43:14wine?
43:19Good luck, Jeffrey.
43:22Please understand my decision.
43:29As well as financial security for me,
43:31children are also important.
43:34I am sorry about your broken ball cock, Jeffrey,
43:37but at least you are already blessed with a family.
43:42Yeah, you don't know anything.
43:49I love you.
43:55Are you OK, son?
43:58What did she have to see?
44:02You were right.
44:05She's not the one for me.
44:19I'm sorry, son.
44:22I'm not.
44:26It's been quite holiday, hasn't it?
44:30I think I'm ready to go home.
44:34Yeah, me too.
44:38Before we do that,
44:40do you mind if I ask you something?
44:42You can ask me anything, son.
44:45And I promise, from now on,
44:47I'll always give you an honest answer.
44:52Do you want to dance?
44:57Come on over to my place
44:59Hey, girl
45:01Hey, girl
45:03We'll have a good party
45:05We'll be swinging and singing
45:08Baby, come on over to my place
45:11Hey, girl
45:13Come on over to my place
45:23She's not my dad.
45:26She's my mum.
45:31Come on over to my place
45:34Hey, girl
45:43Come on over to my place
46:13I'm sorry, son.
46:15I'm sorry, son.
46:17I'm sorry, son.
46:19I'm sorry, son.
46:21I'm sorry, son.
46:23I'm sorry, son.
46:25I'm sorry, son.
46:27I'm sorry, son.
46:29I'm sorry, son.
46:31I'm sorry, son.
46:33I'm sorry, son.
46:35I'm sorry, son.
46:37I'm sorry, son.
46:39I'm sorry, son.