Frasier Season 7 Episode 17 Whine Club
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TVTranscript
00:00coffee good good yours very nice that's good marty we have no reason to be uncomfortable
00:16we're two consenting adults what about your husband you never consented
00:22stan loved you martin and he loved me if anything he's up in heaven right
00:29now watching us and smiling you don't think he was watching the whole time
00:36not if heaven gets espn now stop feeling guilty okay
00:43yes of course hello mrs good to see you again i'm sorry again about your loss oh thank you
00:58he was a good man your husband dad's often said but weren't for stanley wouldn't have made it
01:02through the academy isn't that right that's right and then didn't he lend you the money
01:06for your first car yeah of course we all owe him for introducing dad to mom oh god you know marty
01:17i think we'd better go oh of course well clara it was lovely seeing you again uh
01:24please give my regards to your son martin oh god
01:27well hi ross why don't you join me well aren't you here with niles no actually i haven't been
01:39seeing much of niles lately he spends all his time with mel uh well that's what happens at
01:44the beginning of relationships can i have a decaf latte i'll have my usual thank you
01:50guys i do hope he hasn't forgotten me completely we have wine clubs tonight i'm sort of
01:56counting on him to help me become cork master
02:01but you still keep your secret identity as fraser crane right
02:07cork master's most prestigious position in our club if elected i plan to have vertical tastings
02:13and guest speakers perhaps even a trip to portugal where some of the world's finest
02:17courts come from i wish i had a quirk right now it's very funny ross anyway i do hope niles
02:26shows up you know mel has a way of making him change his mind at the last minute
02:32you know i think she's a bit manipulative based on what well i don't know the feeling
02:41so you really don't know her that well
02:42um that's true you know i really haven't given her much of a chance i suppose
02:48no i suppose i could put together a little get to know you event a sunday brunch perhaps
02:55there you go yes it's a good idea ross of course i don't want to make it
03:00seem like she's under the family microscope you know maybe you could come along
03:04oh i guess i could great oh and by sunday you'll be cork man
03:08cork master thank you ross actually i won't know until after the election tonight but
03:17you know i'll let you know or i could just look up in the sky for the cork signal
03:22very amusing if you win i'd love a ride in the cork mobile all right
03:26oh
03:35niles oh don't you look dashing
03:44i brought you a nice bottle of chevaux blanc to impress the wine club
03:49mrs briggs gave it to me as a thank you after her last facelift
03:54oh 61 i don't believe it yes that's what they're saying about mrs briggs
04:02oh this is the perfect occasion for me to bring this wine we're electing a new president tonight
04:08oh yes and i promised fraser i'd nominate him oh did i mention brunch at fraser's tomorrow
04:14oh yes darling well i'm so happy my rare and expensive bottle will benefit your brother
04:20oh that tie is all wrong let me yes of course of course yes well uh ever since the day he
04:27joined the wine club fraser's dreamed of becoming cork master oh good choice i think it's wonderful
04:36i really do helping your brother win this prestigious post well fraser deserves it
04:43because uh he knows more about wine than you do i wouldn't say that well he's probably been
04:49in the club longer no actually i sponsored his membership oh well so you've never wanted
04:56that honor for yourself i wouldn't say never who hasn't nursed the dream of one day becoming
05:02cork master well i'm sure fraser at least asked if you were interested
05:10well did you mention it no he didn't
05:15oh and you don't resent it well you see that's why i love you because most people would i would
05:28bitterly but then i'm not you and i don't know what's best for you and now the jacket's wrong
05:33do you think i should call him on this oh please the last thing i want to do is come
05:39between you and your brother he knows perfectly well how much i've coveted this post i distinctly
05:47confided my aspirations to him the night judge rivington fell off the ferry after the spring
05:51tasting well i'm sure he just forgot i don't know don't defend him here he's always putting
06:00himself first and i always let him why niles oh i don't know i think perhaps it's because
06:06i'll tell you why because you can't see yourself for what you really are you are a powerful
06:17sexy dynamic colossus of a man
06:26in other words perfect cork master
06:34i am aren't i
06:38don't let anyone anyone ever take that away from you
06:47no that's all i'm going to say because i love you and i don't want a medal
06:58oh niles finally you're here sorry i'm late oh that's all right it's just that the nominations
07:03are about to begin now look like that's what i thought we would do after you nominate me i
07:07will demur modestly for a moment and then i'll say something like i want to be cork master
07:13well that's a bit artless don't you think
07:17no no i want to be cork master too i covet this post as much as you do i always have and i think
07:23i deserve a shot at it but niles i've been campaigning for this all week i was counting
07:29on you to nominate me and i will i'm just hoping that you'll return the favor unless that is you're
07:35afraid of a little competition may i have your attention my friends as outgoing cork master
07:44i would like to thank those of you who stuck with me during the ugly days of spritzergate
07:52but the time has come to pass the tasting cup are there any nominations
07:59niles it is an honor and a privilege to nominate my brother frasier crane
08:08any others yes i would like to uh reciprocate and nominate my brother niles crane
08:20well are there any further nominations well then um a show of hands please for
08:28those in favor of frasier crane 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 and those in favor of niles crane
08:421 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13
08:49oh 14
08:55if only our venerable founder virgil heffelwhite were here to guide us i'm over here oh
09:03sorry virgil i didn't see you so um what is the procedure
09:12blind taste of five bottles
09:28oh for god's sake niles that wine spent less time in the bottle
09:33all right gentlemen you have correctly identified the first three wines let's see if number four
09:38can break the tie niles it was ripe round and thoroughly seductive i said australian
09:48shiraz and frazier what did you think well contrary to my brother i thought it was
09:55dark dusky and supple but i also said australian shiraz
10:02but you're both right we are still tied well niles it's the moment of truth
10:12don't choke please prepare to be stomped like a late harvest covert's dream you know
10:32so
10:42gentlemen
10:45it was jammy plumbing dense and chewy
10:54there is no doubt in my mind that it was a napa valley merlot
11:02and you frazier a nice big wine with excellent heft it's napa all right but as i always say
11:10why go merlot when you can call a cab
11:18i thought this bottle might trip you up gentlemen it's actually a blend of 45
11:26cabernet and and 55 percent merlot niles wins by 10 percent
11:41well niles congratulations obviously the better man won and frazier please
11:47no niles don't be modest no i wasn't they're starting my inauguration
11:52the whole purpose of this brunch is to get to know mel better but it just irks the hell out of
12:06me preparing a sumptuous brunch for niles after the way he betrayed me at the wine club
12:24shut up about that court master thing i already hate you for putting that song in my head
12:31okay it's all clear
12:42okay thanks for dropping off my tupperware oh oh it's no trouble at all i was headed out to church
12:49this morning and i thought oh marty's right on the way and what's the matter with us oh martin
12:57we have done nothing wrong i mean maybe we were a little impetuous but that's no
13:05crime yeah i guess you're right well listen thanks for dropping by and and i'll call you
13:14mrs what did you do makowski yeah look who just got here
13:18oh come on in how are you
13:23i didn't even hear the doorbell ring what brings you here oh she just uh brought me back my chili
13:28bowl oh well thanks a lot and i'll see you later no dad where are your manners why don't you join
13:36us for brunch claire i insist i'm not sure that we'll be able to give you a treat as
13:42spicy as the one that dad gave you but
13:50yes he does make very good chili isn't that flattering dad you know i think someone wants
13:55seconds uh uh uh uh fresh could i see you in the kitchen for me yes of course uh claire you'll
14:04make yourself at home hi oh splendid idea ross bloody mary's you know why don't you offer one
14:14of those to claire oh i don't think she's got time i'll ask her mrs what did you do makowski
14:20mr crane was wondering if you have time for a quick one
14:23look uh frasier there's something you should know about me and claire
14:35we just slept together
14:40are you sure she just got here two minutes ago
14:44she was here earlier i just don't know what came over us you know we couldn't keep our hands off
14:49each other we were like animals or sex crazed teenagers what's wrong with that well i'll tell
14:55you what's wrong with that she's stan's widow i mean he didn't even like it when i borrowed his
15:00lawnmower yeah listen stan's been gone a while now i mean you're not teenagers you're too mature
15:08people reaching out for some companionship i think it's adorable adorable oh good morning
15:17dr crane hello daphne isn't that a beautiful outfit oh thank you dr crane how sweet
15:25so just beat me if you need me oh greetings all uh mel i think you know everyone
15:32oh mrs what'd you do bakowski what a nice surprise uh this is mel karnofsky hello it's a pleasure to
15:39meet you martin i really have to be getting to church oh yeah sure okay well i'll just walk you
15:46out you know what by the way i'm so sorry to hear about your husband oh thank you thank you
15:52i understand dad's been doing what he can to fill the void
15:59see ya dad pour you a bloody merry mel not for me it's a little early in the day for hard liquor
16:06don't you think not anymore niles let's get this gravlax in the refrigerator oh hello eddie or
16:16should i say goodbye huh well martin i'm sure you'll be
16:20locking eddie out on the balcony if people are going to be eating here
16:25well i'll tell you i'd like to lock out on the balcony
16:31oh please let it be me
16:36now now may i remind you that we are having this little brunch in order to get acquainted with mel
16:41we owe it to niles to give her a chance i agree with dr crane we should all have another bloody
16:47mary i didn't say that it was implied oh frazier i almost forgot the cork master and i brought this
17:01along for you oh well thank you very much it's a lovely bottle i guess our niles must have told you
17:07about his 11th hour victory oh yes and i'm so proud of him well let's give credit where credit's
17:13due to mel to mel well yes it was her idea that i should run really well perhaps i'll just put
17:23this around the corner before the cork flies out and hits someone so after all these years of doing
17:36tummy tucks and liposuctions i can look at a fully clothed person and see exactly what they look like
17:44naked i can see every sag droop ripple and pucker it's like x-ray vision how interesting
17:57i think i'll go check on breakfast
18:02let me give me a hand with that
18:06so
18:12when you invited me did you say brunch for mel or brunch from hell
18:18that woman is unbearable well guess who's allergic to eddie wants a glass of water to
18:26take her pill with well you know what i can't stand all that sweetie dairy garlic stuff i've
18:32never met anybody so phony hello dear here's your water thank you martin
18:41well frazier i'm afraid i have some bad news
18:45i just got beat by my service and i have to go oh gosh i'm so sorry thank you for brunch
18:52though thanks for inviting me it's such a civilized way to spend an afternoon
18:57with her head tucked underneath her arm she walks the bloody tower
19:04you know that song's about don't you bloody mary oh no matter if i do
19:13anyway i better go darling i have your coat walk you to the elevator well thank you all for a
19:22lovely afternoon yes bye mel bye lovely to see you
19:28well that's a blessing now we can enjoy our breakfast i doubt it i was only allowed to
19:34make a cheese free mushroom free fat free frittata thanks to the girl in the plastic bubble
19:43i think i'll order a pizza
19:46you know i have half a mind to say something to niles he is making a terrible mistake with that
19:55woman but dad it is maris all over again she's dominating him emasculating look i don't like
20:01her any more than you're doing god knows we've been through this before i didn't like lilith
20:05we both didn't like maris and you boys sure as hell didn't like sherry but what good did
20:10he do talking about it he's repeating a terrible pattern well he's gonna repeat it whether you
20:14like it or not and if you say anything you're just gonna drive a wedge between you so nobody's
20:19gonna say a word well it's a shame mel had to leave oh yeah you know we were having such a
20:27good time yes actually i was nervous bringing her over here i was concerned i was concerned
20:35what you'd think you know getting to really know her the first time
20:39so oh i'm gonna go let eddie in come on seriously i i i i want you to be totally honest really tell
20:50me what do you think of mel oh i don't like her at all she's bossy and fussy and mean
20:58she's all wrong for you yes i made a large pepperoni piece you add some cheese bread
21:06i'm sure she didn't mean that miles
21:11well that was startling yes well don't take that seriously now you know how women sometimes just
21:18form irrational dislikes for one another oh that's great i leave the room for one second
21:24and you rat me out no no that's okay i don't have anything to hide and i'm not irrational
21:31she's pushy demanding and a gigantic pain in the ass
21:40i dump her like radioactive waste
21:46oh so that's two of you in the anti-mel camp oh did you tell him what you thought of mel too
21:52no daphne did oops
22:05frasier i just think she's she's maris all over again she's manipulative i think you're
22:10repeating a terrible pattern well isn't this neat we all have our individual reasons for
22:15disliking her hey dad what's your reason for disliking mel so you did tell him what you
22:19think of her and after shoving me into the kitchen and shaking your freaking finger at me
22:28she's crazy miles i don't know what she's talking about no no that's all right dad i uh
22:34i asked you all to be honest and you were i got my answer
22:40you know what would have been nice is if one of you
22:44could have found one nice thing to say about her
22:57she does have that x-ray vision
23:06so
23:15i left a couple of messages but no answer i think he's gonna have to stay mad for a while
23:22yeah well that was a hell of a brunch all the way around for you as well as me
23:29yeah if you're talking about what happened with you and mrs woja debuchowski i mean you
23:33have nothing to be ashamed of yeah yeah i guess so you're gonna see her again well i don't know
23:41i don't think it's gonna work out you're not still feeling guilty are you
23:46no what you said made a lot of sense i just think it's wrong of course
23:53well i have a theory geez
23:56no no hear me out i think by giving you my approval to sleep with claire i've made it less
24:03exciting for you there was a certain elicitness to the relationship that
24:07you gave it a kind of picconci frazier a sunday take the day off
24:13wait mr cream you slept with mrs woja debuchowski yes i did isn't that adorable
24:21no it's disgusting you dirty old man
24:26i'm sleeping with that poor widow before her husband's even cold in the ground you think
24:31that was wrong you're damn right i do you ought to be ashamed see i told you frazier
24:38we live in a civilized society and there are certain rules we have to live by
24:44we all have impulses we'd like to explore but we don't
24:49well well you can't just go chasing anyone you fancy just because you're suddenly attracted to
24:57them there are certain things you don't do no matter how tempted you are
25:05oh that was strange wasn't it i don't think it was strange at all made a lot of sense to me
25:12i don't think it was strange at all made a lot of sense to me
25:19where are you going well i better get over to claire's and apologize and uh
25:26don't wait up for me frazier i got a lot of apologizing to do
25:31hey baby i hear the blues are calling tossed salads and scrambled eggs mercy
25:48and maybe i seem a bit confused well maybe but i got you pegged
25:54but i don't know what to do with those tossed salads and scrambled eggs
26:04they're calling again good night seattle we love you