Frasier Season 7 Episode 20 To Thine Old Self Be True
Frasier Season 7 Episode 20 To Thine Old Self Be True
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00:00Oh, uh, Dad?
00:03It's not here yet.
00:06How did you...
00:07You've been yakking about it for weeks.
00:08Your new blazer's coming.
00:10It's Italian.
00:11It's hand-stitched.
00:12It costs more money than my first car.
00:14Guess what?
00:15It's made from very expensive material.
00:17They have to find exactly the right kind of goat.
00:20Looks like they did.
00:21Morning, Dr. Crane.
00:22I made you a special breakfast.
00:26Why, thank you, Daphne.
00:28After all, blazer day comes but once a year.
00:32And Dorman said he was on his way up with it.
00:35I wonder what's keeping him.
00:38Regan.
00:39Frazier.
00:41Long time, no see.
00:44Yes, yes, it has been.
00:48I think the last time was when you came over with that bottle of wine.
00:52Oh, right, right.
00:54And I met your charming boyfriend.
00:56Scott.
00:58Scott, yeah.
01:00And he's not my boyfriend anymore.
01:02Oh.
01:03Well, he wasn't really all that charming.
01:12Well, it's nice seeing you again, Frazier.
01:15Likewise.
01:16Isn't that interesting?
01:28Just ran into Regan.
01:31It seems she's not seeing that Scott anymore.
01:36What, the ballplayer?
01:37Is she nuts?
01:38She had money and lunch, the whole package.
01:42Dad, let him go.
01:45Are you going to ask her out?
01:47Oh, I don't know.
01:50Every time I've had a chance to get close to Regan, it seems I end up looking ridiculous.
01:57Still, she did make a point of letting me know that she was single again.
02:04Perhaps she's hinting for another ride on the Frazier go-round.
02:12Now, if we could just figure out why you always look ridiculous.
02:19Come on.
02:20Please.
02:21Come on.
02:22You're my last chance.
02:23Couldn't you...
02:24All right, no.
02:25It's okay.
02:26I understand.
02:27I understand.
02:28Don't worry about it.
02:29Bye.
02:30Problem?
02:31Yeah, it's my bachelor party.
02:32My best man can't arrange it, and I'm having a hell of a time trying to find somebody to
02:34fill in.
02:35Well, Tony, if you're looking for someone to throw you an appropriate shindig, I'd be
02:40willing to volunteer.
02:41Oh.
02:42No, no, no.
02:44No.
02:45That's okay.
02:46I just don't want to impose.
02:47No, there's no trouble at all, really.
02:48No, no, no.
02:49No.
02:50No.
02:51It's fine.
02:52Really.
02:53Thanks for the offer, though, Frazier.
02:54I don't think we're talking about the same kind of party.
02:57Donny, if you're letting my reputation as an aesthete cloud your judgment, I assure you
03:04I am just one of the guys capable of getting down and dirty with the best of them.
03:10Your jacket, Dr. Crane.
03:12Oh, dear God.
03:14You never fold cash.
03:15Will you misdirect the nap?
03:17Get out.
03:20Donny, give it some thought.
03:29Morning, Rose.
03:30Hey, Frazier.
03:31Help me decide something.
03:33All right.
03:34I'm thinking about getting my eyes done.
03:37It's a little expensive, but...
03:39Oh, now, Rose.
03:40Cosmetic surgery is a drastic step.
03:42I mean, if you're worried about those bags under your eyes, why don't you try just a
03:45different concealer?
03:46Perhaps a good night's sleep once in a while.
03:49I meant the laser procedure so I could see without my contacts.
03:56My usual, please.
03:59I just saw the most incredible thing.
04:01You will not believe it.
04:03What is it?
04:04You have to see it for yourself.
04:05Mere words cannot...
04:06Oh, new jacket?
04:07Yes.
04:08Just came today.
04:09That's nice stitching.
04:11Crystal.
04:12No way.
04:13Yes.
04:14There's something wrong with the nap.
04:15Oh, my God.
04:16Is it that obvious?
04:17Would you knock it off?
04:18What is so amazing?
04:19All right.
04:20Come here.
04:21Come here.
04:22Come here.
04:23Look.
04:24All right.
04:25You see that rotund woman coming out of chock full of donuts?
04:26Mm-hmm.
04:27Yeah.
04:28Watch.
04:29She will get out of her car.
04:30She will finish that bear claw and then go back in.
04:32This is her third time.
04:36That's what you brought us over here for?
04:38To gawk at some poor woman's struggle with junk food?
04:42Big deal.
04:43So she's overweight.
04:44You don't need to point it out.
04:46It's rude.
04:47It's childish.
04:48It's maris.
04:55No way.
04:58Oh, dear God.
04:59Are you sure?
05:00Positive.
05:01It's hard to believe that's the same frail woman who once sprained her wrist from having
05:05too much dip on a cracker.
05:07You know, Maris was always chubby as a child.
05:10Her whole life, she's been obsessed with keeping weight off.
05:13Something must have snapped.
05:15Literally.
05:16When she saw me, she swallowed and her necklace exploded from the pressure.
05:23Oh, look.
05:24Look.
05:25There she goes.
05:26Back for more.
05:27You know, when I last saw her at Christmas, she was her usual tiny self.
05:34Wait a minute.
05:35Wasn't that about the time you started dating her plastic surgeon?
05:40Actually, it was.
05:42You think that could have triggered some sort of binge?
05:44Well, this isn't going to help.
05:47Mel and I are in the society page today.
05:49It's our picture at the symphony benefit.
05:52I shudder to think how Maris will react to that.
05:55You know how petty and jealous she can get.
05:57They never take a photo of me and I'm in the conductor's circle.
06:03Well, she moved next door to the Italian deli.
06:06The guy just took the two-foot salami out of the window.
06:11I can't face her now.
06:13That salami string should keep her busy until I can get to my car.
06:16Uh, Niles.
06:18Hey, is that Niles in the paper?
06:20Yes.
06:21He just happened to have a coffee with him.
06:23No one cares about such trivial matters.
06:24Oh, yeah, right.
06:25This is eating you up.
06:27You live for this hoity-toity crap.
06:31I certainly do not.
06:32Why does everyone think that?
06:34You know, just this morning Johnny said I was too fussy to throw him a bachelor party.
06:39Well, you did give off kind of a fussy vibe.
06:41You know, there are other sides to my personality.
06:44I remember back in my Boston days, you know.
06:46I mean, I had a regular bar and a regular bar stool.
06:49I even had a tab.
06:51You know, when you go back, you should try having a beer.
06:56Oh, God.
06:57You know, maybe...
06:58Maybe I have become stealthier.
07:01The highlight of my week was the arrival of my hand-tailored coat.
07:06Maybe it's time I loosened up a bit.
07:08Tried to tone down the whole fuddy-duddy image.
07:15Hello?
07:16Donnie?
07:17It's Frazier.
07:18I would really like to throw that bachelor party for you.
07:21No, no.
07:22I assure you I know what goes on at once.
07:24Yes, I'm quite, quite qualified.
07:27No, really.
07:28I promise you a night of such unrepentant debauchery
07:32that the mere memory will delight you in your old age.
07:37That is, if you should survive the night.
07:42Think I'm overselling anything?
07:43Maybe a ten.
07:44Yeah, all right.
07:46That's great.
07:47Great, great.
07:48Thanks, Donnie.
07:49I'll tell you what I'm going to do.
07:50I'm going to go out and find you a stripper.
07:53Maybe even more than one.
07:55You bet.
08:01Strippers, huh?
08:02You betcha.
08:03A couple of real red-hot mamas.
08:08You don't even know where to find one, do you?
08:10Not a clue.
08:17Damn!
08:41Damn!
08:43Damn!
08:44Damn!
08:46Damn!
08:49Open, damn you!
08:52Frasier!
08:56Friggin' hell!
08:58This is certainly my lucky day, running into you twice.
09:02God, I...
09:03I guess this must look a little strange.
09:06Really, it's none of my business.
09:09No, no, actually, it's quite an amusing story.
09:11You see, I was just getting a Seattle time here
09:14and I, uh, I got my coat stuck in the machine.
09:17That's not the Seattle Times.
09:19Hmm?
09:20Oh!
09:22Dear God, they should label these things more.
09:25Clearly, this is some sort of a spot rag.
09:30It was nice seeing you.
09:31Regan.
09:32Uh...
09:34Regan!
09:40Well, if you get any in, could you please call me?
09:44Gosh, I'm off to one hell of a start with this bachelor party.
09:48First, the debacle with Regan.
09:50Now, Sid's novelty shop is completely out of naughty coasters.
09:56Oh, will you stop moping?
09:58It'll all work, ass.
10:02What?
10:04For God's sake, Regan!
10:08What the hell are you doing?
10:09What the hell are you doing?
10:10Honey, if your head hurts, we don't have to go.
10:12No, no, I'll be fine.
10:14All right.
10:15Oh, Dr. Crane, I just want to tell you how happy I am you're throwing Donny's bachelor party.
10:20Oh, well, there, you see.
10:22At least someone thinks I'm capable of throwing a proper...
10:24A nice, low-key party, just like my honey bunny insisted.
10:29Honestly, why men have to celebrate getting married by having bouncing bosoms shoved in their faces?
10:35Yeah.
10:37Yeah.
10:40If I know Dr. Crane, your party will be over by now I'm 30.
10:45We could all go out for dinner afterwards.
10:47Oh, that would be swell.
10:52Gosh, you know, if Daphne's so down on this whole bachelor party idea,
10:56maybe I should throw a more sedate one.
10:59I don't want to get Donny in trouble.
11:01Listen, your job is to give him the party he wants.
11:03Everything else is between them.
11:05There's absolutely none of your boobs.
11:17Give me that!
11:21Stop that!
11:29Hello.
11:30Frasier Crane?
11:32Yes?
11:34I'm looking into a report of vandalism...
11:40of a newspaper vending machine on Euclid Avenue.
11:44Does that sound familiar?
11:45Well, I may have been in the area earlier today, but...
11:50Somebody on the scene recognized you as the perpetrator.
11:54Are you aware of the penalty for vandalism?
11:57Uh-oh.
11:58Well, I may have dented the machine a little, but I...
12:01Frasier Crane, you have the right to remain...
12:06aroused.
12:08Anything you see can and will be rubbed against you.
12:19She's a stripper!
12:20I get it, Dad!
12:24Thank you. Thank you, officer.
12:27You know, I knew that Daphne was going to be gone most of the day.
12:31So I figured I'd help you out.
12:33You hire her for Donnie's party, he'll put you in his will.
12:40So, do I get the job?
12:43You certainly seem qualified. Over-qualified.
12:48What's going on?
12:49Oh, Daphne!
12:51Hello, this is, uh...
12:54Officer...
12:55Nasty.
13:00She's leaving the police force, and I'm thinking of hiring her as the housekeeper, you see.
13:07I mean, once you marry Donnie, you'll still be Dad's physical therapist, of course,
13:11but we'll need someone around here to do the chores, won't we?
13:14Weren't you supposed to be out with Donnie today?
13:16Yeah, I was, but I've got a splitting headache.
13:19Oh.
13:20So, how long have you been on the force?
13:23You know, I was just about to show the officer around the house and discuss terms.
13:31All right. It was nice meeting you, Officer Nasty.
13:34Yes!
13:40Don't tell me to calm down. It's a complete disaster. She'll ruin me.
13:46What's going on?
13:47Oh, it's Meris. She saw the picture of us today, and she's determined to take it out on Mel.
13:51Yes, she's telling everyone that I caused her weight gain by nicking her thyroid during a neck tuck.
14:00I've already had three cancellations. She never thinks about anybody but herself.
14:06Daphne, can you get me a cup of tea?
14:10Actually, I have a bit of a headache.
14:12Oh, you could be coming down with something. Wash your hands first.
14:21You've got to calm down. Your shoulders are so tense.
14:24Oh, you know, Daphne gives a wonderful massage. It might be just the thing for you.
14:28Actually, I was planning on taking a nap.
14:31Oh, good. So you're not busy.
14:33Should we do it in your room?
14:35Look, you two run along. I'll take care of the tea. I really appreciate this, Daphne.
14:40You're welcome, Dr. Crane.
14:43Hey, Niles, guess what your brother's doing?
14:49Pressing his new blazer?
14:51Yeah, against a stripper.
14:57What?
14:58Yes, he's interviewing her in his room for Donny's bachelor party. But don't tell Daphne.
15:03And how exactly do you interview a stripper?
15:05I don't know, but I bet there's a real show going on in there.
15:11Keep the gun in its holster until the very end, you see.
15:14That way your act has, you know, more impact, shall we say.
15:20Bang, bang, bang, bang.
15:23Men seem to like my act the way it is.
15:26Oh, well, I certainly can't tell you about attracting men, but I do know a thing or two about showmanship.
15:33Tell me, what sort of encore do you have?
15:37I don't have an encore.
15:39Trust me, with this act, we're going to need one.
15:42I have an idea.
15:45Well, Mel's all set up with Daphne.
15:48Oh, well, maybe we ought to tell Frasier this is a good time to get that stripper out of here.
15:54Dad.
15:55Oh, Frasier.
15:56Okay, coast is clear. Everything's fine.
15:59Not exactly.
16:09How did that happen?
16:11Lord of the Dance here decided I needed an encore.
16:19Oh, I assumed you had the key.
16:21I never use them.
16:23Right, we'll just have to cut them all.
16:25All right, well, come on in here.
16:27I'm Niles.
16:32Now, you might come to a point where it feels like you can't take it anymore.
16:38I call that phase one.
16:43Are you sure you know what you're doing?
16:45I know exactly what I'm doing.
16:54Just relax.
16:56This is all Maris' fault.
16:59You know, she actually called me and said she'd lay off if I'd stop seeing him.
17:06What'd you say?
17:08I hung up on her.
17:10How insane is this woman?
17:12She thinks I'd give up Niles to protect my practice.
17:16I'm crazy about him.
17:18The way he laughs.
17:20The way he gets that little glint in his eye when he's about to say something clever.
17:26But you know what I love the most?
17:28It's like there are all these things that he could be if he could just trust someone enough to help him unlock it all.
17:37And if I could be that person, you know, that safe person in his life.
17:44Well, the more I know him, the more I know that's all I want to be.
17:50Daphne?
17:55Oh.
17:59Oh.
18:01This isn't working, Dad.
18:03There's only one thing left to do.
18:05Well, I gotta warn you, I'm not as good a shot as I used to be.
18:09I'm gonna have to go out on the balcony.
18:11I need a cup of coffee to steady my nerves.
18:15I meant go to a locksmith.
18:18Oh, thank God.
18:19All right, let's go.
18:22Wait, hold on.
18:23I have to put something on.
18:26Wait, I'll get it, I'll get it.
18:31It's Meris.
18:33At least, I think it is.
18:35You need a bigger peephole.
18:39What on earth is she doing here?
18:41I have no idea, but we can't let her anywhere near Mel.
18:43Especially now that Meris has the weight advantage.
18:49What are we gonna do?
18:50Take her into Frasier's room.
18:51Oh, wait, wait, wait.
18:52I can't be seen like this.
18:53She'll blab it all over town.
18:55Get in the bathroom.
18:56I'll call you when she leaves.
18:58Thank you, lads.
19:10You know, seeing as how we have a minute or two here,
19:12I may as well take this opportunity to end the suspense.
19:18You've got the job.
19:19I've got a little news for you, too.
19:22I've been on the clock since you slapped the cuffs on me.
19:27Fair enough.
19:30Ooh.
19:32It's freezing in here.
19:33Oh.
19:35Here, let me...
19:37I seem to remember...
19:39doing this back in my college days,
19:42the fraternity hazing.
19:44Here you are.
19:49It's hand-stitched.
19:53Frasier, come on out.
19:55All right, we're out of here.
19:57My God, have you seen Meris?
20:00Yes, Dad, I know.
20:01Did Niles calm her down?
20:02Yeah, he took her to your room,
20:03but he had to butter her up a little.
20:05I was afraid that narrow-door guy was going to get in the way.
20:08I'm sorry, Dad.
20:09It's all right.
20:10It's all right.
20:11It's all right.
20:12It's all right.
20:13I'm sorry, Dad.
20:14I was afraid that narrow doorway might pose a problem.
20:19Frasier.
20:21Regan.
20:22Hello.
20:24Uh, listen, uh...
20:26I'm sorry about this afternoon.
20:28Um...
20:29Oh, forget about that.
20:30It was no big deal.
20:32By the way, uh...
20:34I was wondering if you'd be available...
20:36Oh, Lord.
20:43God, no need to be embarrassed about that, you know, I do that sort of thing all the
20:53time.
20:54Say, uh, you were saying?
20:57Uh, yeah, just, uh, let me get all this cleaned up first.
21:08There you go.
21:17You know, I'd gladly have helped you, it's just that I've hurt my back, you see.
21:23Oh, oh gosh, oh, oh, it's seizing up again.
21:26You know, maybe it would be best if I just went back inside and crawled into bed.
21:33Good night.
21:38It's gonna be a moment.
21:39I figured.
21:40I'm just gonna make us some tea.
21:42Back inside!
21:45Frazier!
21:46Oh!
21:49You're a lucky man, having this woman on your staff.
21:53Thank you again, Daphne.
21:55You're welcome.
21:58Nows, where are you going with all that food?
22:00Um, Dad is not feeling well, so I thought I'd bring him some comfort food.
22:06And, uh, by the way, if anyone's going out, Dad specifically requested something called
22:10a chalupa.
22:18Uh, Daphne, would you mind getting that?
22:24You're not serious.
22:26You are on the staff, after all.
22:35Hi, Daphne.
22:36Hey, Regan, come on in.
22:38Um, oh, Frazier, I was concerned about your back.
22:44You hurt your back?
22:45Oh, no, no, just a spasm.
22:47See, leaning against the wall like this, it actually feels a lot better.
22:51Is it upper back or lower?
22:53Middle, actually.
22:55Uh, if you could all just leave me alone, really, I'm fine right here.
22:58Why don't we just get you onto the couch?
23:00No, no, no, no, please, please, I know what I'm doing.
23:03We'll each take a side.
23:04No, stop!
23:05No, Frazier, it could be a thoracic strain.
23:07Or a bulging disc.
23:09Yes, impinging on your lumbar nerves.
23:11Yes, it could easily be any one of those things.
23:14But did you also consider that it might be the stripper chained to my wrist?
23:20Officer Nasty!
23:27Everyone, this is Dinah.
23:30You see, this all happened because I was trying to prove that I'm a normal guy,
23:37capable of doing normal guy things, like throw a bachelor party.
23:41And Daphne, darling, didn't know anything about it,
23:43so I wish you'd all just leave me alone.
23:45Or throw a bachelor party.
23:47And Daphne, darling, didn't know anything about it,
23:49so I wish you'd just lighten up.
23:53Regan, I can't even imagine where this must put us.
23:58I guess it's time I just accept the fact that things will never work out between us.
24:02You're certainly not to blame.
24:05After today, I can't see that any woman would even want to go out with me.
24:11I think I would.
24:16I think I would.
24:27Hey, Frasch.
24:29Oh, hi there.
24:31How was your date?
24:35Well, it was nice.
24:39We had a beer.
24:41We talked a bit.
24:44She has a hell of a body, doesn't she?
24:49Dad, that is not what this evening was about.
24:53This evening was about taking a chance,
24:57getting to know a different sort of woman.
25:01Turns out she's really quite interesting, Dinah.
25:04She's working her way through grad school.
25:06She lives with her mother.
25:08She's extremely well-read.
25:09She even speaks a couple of languages.
25:12It really makes you wonder, doesn't it?
25:14Yes, it does, doesn't it?
25:16Don't you wonder about how eager we are to judge a book by its cover?
25:20How willing we are to stereotype each other?
25:23No, I mean it really makes you wonder what that mother looks like.
25:27LAUGHTER
25:39Hey, baby, I hear the blues are calling
25:42Tossed salads and scrambled eggs
25:46Mercy
25:48And maybe I seem a bit confused
25:51Well, maybe, but I got you pegged
25:54Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
25:56But I don't know what to do
25:58With those tossed salads and scrambled eggs
26:03They're calling again
26:06Goodnight, Seattle, we love you!