Оnlу Fооls & Ноrsеs Хмаs Sресiаl 3
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00Michael, Mike.
00:02What is it now?
00:04This is your lucky night.
00:07How's that for a portable computer, eh?
00:10Look at it.
00:11It's got 64K.
00:13It's got UHF output.
00:15It's got a megabyte disk drive.
00:17It's got ROM. It's got RAM.
00:18It's got them little red and green lights.
00:20It's got everything.
00:21That's what I want with a computer, Dale.
00:23What does he want with a computer?
00:24Everyone's got a computer these days.
00:26Have you got one?
00:27Have I got one?
00:28He's got 25.
00:31Thank you, Rodney. Thank you very much.
00:34Listen to me.
00:36This particular model normally retails at £399 of the realm.
00:43I'm giving it to you at £150.
00:45I'm going to throw in a free joystick.
00:48This thing, it processes all your data.
00:50Oh, yeah?
00:51And what exactly does that mean?
00:52What does that mean?
00:53What do you mean?
00:54Are you dim or something?
00:55Tell him what it means, Rodney.
00:58He did a course in this and he came top of the class, didn't he?
01:01Come on, tell him.
01:02Well, it's...
01:04In layman's terms, right...
01:09You can record all your business deals on it.
01:12Oh, great.
01:13Look, I've spent half my life trying to hide my business deals.
01:15The last thing I need is to have them all recorded on a floppy bloody disk.
01:18I'm not interested.
01:20Why don't you ask Trigger, eh?
01:21Trigger? With a computer?
01:23Do me a favour, he's still struggling with light switches.
01:27Loaded.
01:31Here, try that, Albert.
01:35Last time I tasted something like that was when I was in Egypt.
01:38Yeah? What was it?
01:39A local brew.
01:40No, I fell in the Nile.
01:43Here, Mike, I ordered beer.
01:45Don't try to be funny with me, Trigger.
01:47I'll tell you this much, I've had certificates for my beer.
01:49Yeah, I've had a few days off work with it and all.
01:53No, I mean, stone me, I don't know these bloody computers.
01:56I bought 30 of them, I've only sold five.
01:58Well, it's not too bad, Dale.
01:59Not too bad? Not too bad? I've had them a year and a half.
02:03Our sales campaign suffered badly when a local officer of fair trading
02:06announced to the press that they don't work.
02:09They do work, Rodney, they just need a bit of fiddling about with, that's all.
02:13They don't work properly.
02:14Do you know about this sort of thing, then, Dave?
02:16Well, yeah, as it happens, I do.
02:18Just recently, I took a computer course at the adult education centre.
02:22And failed.
02:23I did not fail.
02:24What, you passed?
02:26I didn't strictly pass either, Mike.
02:28The man in charge, right, he said, not in so many words,
02:31I should concentrate more on the theoretical side
02:33rather than the actual keyboard area.
02:35What he actually said was, keep your bloody hands off my machine.
02:39Thank you for being so encouraging, Dale, Mike.
02:41But I tell you, if I could pass that course and get my diploma,
02:44I might be able to get a real job, working as a real company employee
02:48instead of hanging around with a deadly duo, you and that suitcase.
02:51Oi, oi, oi, just watch it.
02:52Do you know what he's had me doing today?
02:54Look, this is one of them infrared massagers, right?
02:57Cures rheumatics and all that sort of thing.
02:59He's had me hobbling through the market like I've got bad lumbago, right?
03:03And then Healing Hands Trotter spots me and cures me in front of all the counters.
03:08He used to be a cowboy, now he's a medicine man.
03:12Oh, shut up, you tart.
03:14You're just not because you had hole in your vest.
03:16Anyway, listen, I can't hang about here.
03:18Here, do you remember that chop suey house down by the station,
03:21the one that we decorated?
03:22Yeah.
03:23It's gone bust.
03:24And they're auctioning all their gear tonight, so I'm going to have a sniff around, all right?
03:26See you later.
03:27Yeah, all right.
03:29Oh, my God.
03:30Mr. Trotter.
03:31Oh, Mr. Jahan.
03:33What a pleasant surprise.
03:34What brings you in?
03:35That computer you sold me last month.
03:37Still not working.
03:40There must be some simple explanation.
03:42Why don't we sit down and discuss it over a drink?
03:44Now, listen, what can I get you?
03:46Okay, something non-alcoholic.
03:48Non-alcoholic.
03:49Michael, point to your best bidder, please.
03:53I have a business to run, Mr. Trotter.
03:55When I bought the computer at your suggestion in order to streamline my business,
04:00so far your computer has managed to destroy my accounts, my stock records, and set fire to my curtains.
04:08You must be pressing the wrong button, Mr. Jahan.
04:11We are talking outer-limits high-tech here.
04:13I mean, that computer was used in the American space shuttle.
04:16But it blew up.
04:19Yes, I don't mean it was the same computer.
04:23Although that would explain why it isn't working too well.
04:26No, no, no, no. Just trust me, Mr. Jahan.
04:28Give it a bit of time, and I guarantee to you, in a few days' time, you'll wonder how you ever managed without it.
04:33All right, I'll give it one week, then I'll be back to see you.
04:35That's the spirit, Mr. Jahan. You know it makes sense.
04:38Ah, thank you, Michael. I'll see you later.
04:41Anyway, I thought that young fellow you had working for you was a bit of a computer boffin.
04:45Oh, he has resigned. Said the work did not agree with him.
04:49I don't know. Half of them, they don't know they're born these days, do they?
04:52I have placed ads in the local paper and at the job centre, but all to no avail.
04:56It's not a difficult job, and I pay good wages.
05:04Yeah, that's going to be difficult for you, Mr. Jahan.
05:06I mean, you're looking for a young man with drive and enthusiasm, aren't you?
05:09No, not really.
05:11I mean, a couple of GCEs wouldn't go amiss, though, would they?
05:14There's no necessity for all this.
05:16All what I'm looking for is somebody who can walk.
05:19That's what I mean, you're talking top-notch.
05:22Most people at that calibre have gone off with the brain drain.
05:25No, no, it's going to be a difficult one.
05:26Now, Mr. Jahan, I can tell...
05:28Oh, but wait a minute. Oh, potpourri, potpourri!
05:33This must be your lucky night, Mr. Jahan.
05:35I may have the very person you're looking for.
05:37Really? Who?
05:38Only my younger brother.
05:40No, he's enthusiastic and he's got GCEs in maths and art.
05:44Well, since he came back from Cambridge,
05:46he's been wheeling and dealing in the commodities market.
05:49And all the headhunters have been after him, you know,
05:51right from the Bank of England right down to ICI.
05:54But he fancies something a bit more local.
05:56Can he walk?
05:57Walk? Yeah, he dashes about all over the place.
05:59Would you like to discuss it with me, then?
06:00No, no, I'll discuss it with you. How much are you offering?
06:02A hundred.
06:03Del Boy's got something going over there.
06:05Oh, that means somebody's going to suffer.
06:11Talking of suffering, my niece is getting married next Saturday.
06:15You remember little Lisa, don't you?
06:17She came up last year.
06:18She was the one who arranged for Del Boy to have a go on a hang glider.
06:22Oh, yeah!
06:25I liked her.
06:28Well, she's invited you all down to Hampshire for the wedding.
06:31Well, it's very nice of her, Trigg. You tell her I'll be delighted.
06:34Right, you two are coming. Del's accepted for you.
06:36He's accepted... He's something else, isn't he, eh?
06:39Hold on, I thought Lisa was getting married last year.
06:41Yeah, she was.
06:43And then she found out that...
06:46she wasn't.
06:53What?
06:56I've got a pencil and a bit of paper, Mike.
06:59Oh, yeah.
07:01Well, now she's found out she is a game.
07:04It should be good, though. Day down by the coast, nice little drink afterwards.
07:07Talking of drinks, I'll get these in.
07:09Oh, yeah.
07:12Rodney, this must be your lucky night.
07:15I've only been and got you a job.
07:17I don't want it.
07:18What do you mean you don't want it?
07:20You only just said you'd like to get a job.
07:22Well, apart from him, I've had some of his little jobs in the past.
07:25I'm here to tell you he is no Brook Street Bureau.
07:28Oh, that's charming, that, innit? That is charming.
07:31There. That is all the thanks I get after all the work and effort I've done.
07:35That is the thanks I get.
07:37Well, anyway, it wasn't just the job. It was a career move.
07:40Well, I haven't got a career.
07:42No, but you would have had one, and it would have been moving.
07:44Besides that, we'd have had some wages coming in the flat.
07:46We're brassic at the moment.
07:48Your novel money-saving devices are in evidence again.
07:51So what's this job, then?
07:53You're not interested, Rodney, are you?
07:55So it's purely epidemic, innit, eh?
07:59What sort of job was it, Dale?
08:01He would have been a trainee computer programmer.
08:05Eventually.
08:07And it was mentioned that the successful candidate would, with Endeavour,
08:11attain executive status.
08:15Well, hold on. I thought it was going to be, you know,
08:18humping boxes around and stuff like that.
08:20I didn't know I was going to be a trainee executive.
08:23He mentioned your CV.
08:25How bad's that, eh? Nice little citron.
08:32I think he might have been referring to my curriculum V-type.
08:35Well, that's no problem. There's no heavy lifting involved.
08:40You have to start at the bottom, though.
08:42Oh, yeah, of course. But doing what?
08:44Well, it's a sort of delivering.
08:46Delivering, yeah. So basically, just to start with.
08:48And it's 90 quid, cash in hand, no tax, no nonsense.
08:51Now, hold on. If I'm working cash in hand, I'm not a real employee, eh?
08:54Yes, you will be, cos that's only temporary.
08:56That, eh? What do you say? Come on.
08:59Well, where would I be working?
09:01Well, you know that big new office block down in Wilmot Road,
09:04the one with the smoke glass and the leery cars?
09:06Where all them young birds come out of at lunchtime?
09:08Yeah, that's the one.
09:10Yeah, I know it.
09:12Well, right opposite here is an alley.
09:16An alley? Yes.
09:18Between the Undertaker's and the Light of Nepal restaurant.
09:21So you go down that alley, right, then you find a yard.
09:23Now, you pop your head in there on Monday morning
09:25and you ask for a Mr Jehan.
09:27He will give you your duties and your uniform.
09:29And, good Lord, is that the time I've got to get down the jinkies?
09:31I'll see you later.
09:33Thanks for all the drinks, Trent. Good night.
09:35Why would a trainee compute a programme? I need a uniform.
09:39I don't know.
09:41HE GIGGLES
09:45You're laughing at, aren't you?
09:47You see what this means?
09:49You've just been promoted to the geezer in the market with a bare back.
10:02Hello. Hello.
10:04Congratulations, Lisa. Thanks.
10:06Congratulations for many years of happiness.
10:08Who knows, in a year or two from now,
10:10we could be back in the church celebrating the christening of your firstborn.
10:14Actually, my mother wanted to have a word with you about that.
10:16Oh?
10:18Oh.
10:20Let's see.
10:23Excuse me. Vicar! Vic!
10:25Vic!
10:27Ah, Mr Trotter, how nice.
10:29Thank you once again for your lift.
10:31Oh, Bain-Marie, Bain-Marie, it was the least that I can do.
10:34Sorry it was a bit bumpy, but at least we didn't have far to go, did we?
10:37Oh, that reminds me.
10:39You know the computer I was talking about? I left it for you in your vestry.
10:42You left it in my vestry?
10:44Yeah, yeah, it's all right. I had to take it out of the back of the van anyway to get you in, didn't I?
10:48Listen.
10:50Just in case the old bishop asks, right,
10:52now, they normally retail at 3.99,
10:54but you can have it at 1.50.
10:56And a pony off for cash.
10:58Pony?
11:00All right, then. 30 quid.
11:02I can't say fairer than that.
11:04I'll let you have it on two weeks' approval.
11:06I mean, if I can't trust you, can I trust, eh?
11:09I mean, ask and it shall be given.
11:11You know, that is my motto.
11:13Would I... Oh, excuse me.
11:15Here, here. Darling, you're one of the bridesmaids, aren't you?
11:22Oh, thanks, Ronnie.
11:24What are you doing over here on your own, then?
11:26Oh, I was just reminiscing.
11:28This used to be my old stamping ground.
11:31Paul Swift used to cut the miles up the road there.
11:35Bet you had some laughs round here, eh?
11:37No, no.
11:39The warden used to go out,
11:41knock like me daughter's trotters back in port.
11:44Congratulations, darlings.
11:46You remember Mike, don't you?
11:48He's the water diviner from the nag's head.
11:50Of course I do. Hello, Mike.
11:52It's lovely to see you again.
11:54Oh, this is Andy, my husband.
11:56Congratulations, son. You'll never regret what you did today.
11:59I should know. I've been married 18 years.
12:01Oh, thanks a lot. Is your wife here?
12:03Er, no. We broke up back in 73.
12:08Please, keep us in. I know her.
12:11We'll try and hide in one of the fields, see how we catch her.
12:14I think I may have heard this story before.
12:18Did you sink?
12:20Yeah. I've heard it.
12:23I don't know.
12:27I don't know. Why do you bother to listen to him?
12:29I don't know. A moment of weakness, I suppose.
12:33It's all a bit upmarket, clean it down.
12:35Yeah. It's half a surprise to see you here.
12:38I'm at home in any walk of life, are you, sweetheart?
12:44Don't believe it when you behave yourselves.
12:48We are only an hyphen or two away from a society wedding here
12:51and you're behaving as if you're on a sharabang trip to the lights.
12:54Don't shout at me, slobbing kid.
12:58I'm merely trying to conduct myself with a little decorum.
13:03Oh, dear. I assume this bundle is from you.
13:08That is our present, yes.
13:11Good God. It looks as though the bomb squad's had a go at it.
13:14What have you bought the unlucky couple?
13:17A 13-piece dinner service.
13:21We bought them a dinner service as well.
13:23Oh, I shouldn't worry, Marlene. There'll be no comparison.
13:28We got ours from Royal Dalton.
13:30Most probably got theirs from Dalton's Weekly.
13:36He's good, isn't he, boys? He's got more front and south end look.
13:40No, but it is a lovely dinner service, Dale.
13:43It's got a hand-painted pattern
13:45depicting the changing seasons of the English countryside.
13:50He's probably given them that old crockery bought at the Chinese auction.
13:53How dare you? What sort of bloke do you think I am?
13:58Oh, I wouldn't put it past you.
14:00Come along, Marlene. Shall we circulate?
14:04Bloody hell, boys. We've already been around more times than a breakdancer.
14:09Did our dinner service come from the bankrupt chinkies?
14:12No, it did not, I swear on my life.
14:16Well, them plates had an awful lot of pandas and pagodas on them.
14:19They did come from the Chinese takeaway.
14:21No, look, we've been really strapped for money recently.
14:24Anyway, I thought they looked like rather nice pagodas, myself.
14:28No, they ain't. They look more like a prisoner of war camp.
14:31How's he gonna make us look, eh?
14:33Boys, see a Marlene service depict the changing seasons.
14:36Ours contains scenes from Tenko.
14:39I suppose you're right.
14:44Hang about a minute. Here, hold on to this.
14:47Here, hold on.
14:49Ah, ah, ah, it's all right.
14:51Oh, dear.
14:53Ah, ah, ah, it's all right.
14:55Oh, dear.
15:07He who dares, wins.
15:09Ah, ah, ah, it's all right.
15:13It's all right, it's all right.
15:15Cos I'm not afraid.
15:22Maureen, do you want a drink?
15:25I'll have a port lemon.
15:27Better make it a small one.
15:29Cos I've had orders from young Lisa
15:31that I mustn't get Oliver Twist in front of his family.
15:34I don't know who she thinks they are.
15:36Big hats and no drawers, most of them.
15:39Here's a face from the past.
15:41Oh, the trotter!
15:43I don't believe it.
15:45Hello, weenie girl. How are you going?
15:47I thought you went down with the Lusitania.
15:49Yes, indeed.
15:51They tried, but they couldn't get me.
15:53How long have you been living out this way?
15:55Oh, I moved from Peckham in 1965.
15:58I couldn't stand that estate any longer.
16:00It's nice and peaceful out here.
16:02And I don't have to save up to get to the seaside.
16:05You must be retired now.
16:07I'm living back with a family.
16:09Johnny's kids.
16:11Tell boy's not here, is he?
16:13He's in there having a dance.
16:15He'll be out soon. He ain't had a drink for four minutes.
16:18Little Rodney's here as well.
16:20Oh, my.
16:22Rodney's here? Oh, the little nose!
16:25That's him there.
16:29The last time I saw you, you was in your friend's.
16:34Oh, bloody hell, is this Rodney?
16:38No, I'm Rodney.
16:40You're little Rodney?
16:43Oh, ain't you gone big?
16:46You don't remember me, do you, darling?
16:50No.
16:52This is Tricky's Aunt Renie.
16:54She used to be your mum's best friend.
16:56Oh, yeah. Me and Joanie.
16:58The terrible twins.
17:01Do you remember when your mum had that cleaning job down at the town hall?
17:05No.
17:07I used to look after you while she was at work.
17:10Bath you and everything.
17:15Remember when I took you shopping that day in Woolworths?
17:18No.
17:20I was pushing you round.
17:22You was picking up things off the counter and I didn't know.
17:25When I got you home and took you out to the pram,
17:27I found three bottles of scent, a packet of weights,
17:30and an Ellen Shapiro record.
17:33So, next day, I took you up Selfridges.
17:41I reckon the rumours were right.
17:43Joanie was never 100% sure.
17:45You can see the likeness, don't you?
17:50Do you fancy a dance, Renie?
17:52I could still cut a rug with the best of them.
17:54Keep your hands to yourself, though.
17:57It's enough.
18:03What's all that about?
18:04Who knows?
18:05No, I remember her from years ago.
18:07She's never been the full-time boss.
18:09Oi, that's my auntie you were talking about.
18:11Must be a family trait, the naturey.
18:23Albert, don't go in there.
18:25Marlene's pulling all the bloke's shirt tails out now.
18:31No.
18:32Renie.
18:33It ain't Renie.
18:34It's Renie Turpin.
18:37Remember me, do you?
18:39Remember you?
18:40Remember you?
18:41I'm still having nightmares about you, darling.
18:44How are you, sweetheart?
18:45Are you keeping well?
18:46I'm smashing, Dale.
18:48I say, you're looking very prosperous.
18:51Oh, well, you know.
18:52Life's been pretty good to us, hasn't it, Albert?
18:54Yeah.
18:55Non-stop Mardi Gras.
18:58You look great, you really do.
19:00Come on, let's go and sit down.
19:01I feel you're really cream-crackered after that dance.
19:06She used to be a right little raver in her younger days.
19:09Yeah?
19:10They reckon that during the war, she had more yanks than Eisenhower.
19:16I heard that a Normandy landed started from her scullery.
19:21Who are you talking about?
19:23The trick is over.
19:32When was it the last time that I saw you?
19:35Well, I moved from Peckham in 1965, so that's nearly 23 years.
19:40You promised you'd come and see me.
19:43Oh, yeah, yeah.
19:44Well, you know, it's Renie and I've got to be tied up with business and what have you.
19:50He seems a nice kid, young Rodney.
19:52Oh, yeah.
19:54Do you know he's got a diamond where other blokes have got a heart?
19:57He's a clever kid and all.
19:59He's got GCEs, hasn't he?
20:01Well, he's had you behind him to guide him, Del.
20:03He wouldn't be in the position he's in today if it hadn't have been for you.
20:07I just tried to do my best for him.
20:10I kept my promise to Mum.
20:13She'd have been so proud of you two boys.
20:20I reckon that's why I moved down here.
20:23The old place changed when your mum went.
20:26I lost the best friend I ever had.
20:29She was a lovely lady, was she?
20:31Oh, if things had worked out a bit better.
20:34You and Rodney could have been millionaires by now.
20:37Yeah.
20:39I remember going to visit her in the hospital and her saying to me,
20:43If only I knew where he didn't live,
20:46my boys would be set for life.
20:53In what?
20:55Well, the gold.
20:59Gold? What gold?
21:01His gold.
21:02His? He? Who's he?
21:04Freddie the Frog.
21:06Freddie the Frog? Who's Freddie the Frog?
21:08You mean your mum never told you?
21:09No, no.
21:11Oh, my God, me and my mouth.
21:13Forget I said anything, Dale.
21:15Forget it? How can I forget it?
21:17Come on, come on, you've got to tell me now.
21:20Come on, otherwise I'll only find out somewhere else.
21:23It all happened a long time ago.
21:27She met him in about...
21:291959.
21:31Who?
21:32Freddie Robdall.
21:35Who's Freddie Robdall?
21:37That was Freddie the Frog's real name.
21:40How?
21:41He was a villain from Rotherhithe.
21:43Oh, not a nasty one. I mean, no guns or violence.
21:46He was a gentleman thief.
21:50The other dandy was Freddie.
21:52He used to love French wine and paintings and what have you.
21:56He had a little holiday chalet down this way.
22:00They reckon when the police broke in,
22:03the walls was covered in Monet's and other originals.
22:10What's this got to do with my mum?
22:12Well, she sort of befriended him.
22:17Yeah, she would. She was a very friendly lady.
22:20I mean, she'd help anyone out.
22:23Yes.
22:25Well, she used to help Freddie the Frog.
22:30Anyway, one day in August 1963,
22:35Freddie and a little gang
22:38broke into the vaults of a bank up in the city.
22:43They got away with over a quarter of a million pounds in gold bullion.
22:51The rest of the gang got caught,
22:54but Freddie and the gold got away.
22:58Well, a short time afterwards,
23:01Freddie, while still on the run,
23:04was tragically killed in a freak accident.
23:08And when they opened his will,
23:11he'd left everything he owned to your mum.
23:15What do you mean?
23:17All the Monets and the originals and all that?
23:19Oh, no. They had to be returned to the original owners.
23:25The same went for the gold, except, of course,
23:28that nobody knew where Freddie had hidden it.
23:32Then your mum left all her worldly possessions to you,
23:36including the lost gold.
23:40So, if that gold was worth a quarter of a million in 1963,
23:46it must be worth, well, a million now,
23:50or maybe two, and it's mine.
23:53Yours and Rodney's?
23:55Yeah, well, it's the same thing.
23:58I'm a millionaire.
24:00I know.
24:02Bloody shame no-one knows where it's hidden.
24:06Yeah, he's a bit of a joker, that, isn't he?
24:10I'll get us a refill.
24:19Rodney,
24:21I know you may find this hard to believe,
24:25and it may even come as a bit of a shock to you.
24:30We are millionaires.
24:34Oh, dear.
24:36Perhaps we can take that magnet off the electricity meter, then.
24:47Now, listen to me. Do you remember in the past, right,
24:49when you had trouble with your cellar, the old cellar black, right?
24:52What did you do? You used to stagger down to the quacks, didn't you?
24:55And you pop in there, you pay £2.50 for a prescription,
24:57you pop that into the chemist,
24:59and he'll give you a free bob tube of algeband.
25:01Well, thank goodness those days are over.
25:03They're over thanks to this revolutionary new device,
25:06the Inframax Deep Penetration Massager.
25:11Oi, you two, you two girls, you're miles off.
25:15Now, I'm warning you, it has nothing to do with it.
25:17This is an osteopedic device,
25:19which emits infrared rays that penetrate deep into the muscles,
25:23soothing the pain away, giving you permanent and instant relief.
25:27Seriously, listen to me.
25:29How much would you expect to pay?
25:31How much would you expect to pay if you went up Marley Street?
25:33How much would you expect to pay for that?
25:34Now, don't touch it. You haven't bought it.
25:35You'd expect to pay £70 to £80 for one of these.
25:38Now, absolutely straight, but thank goodness,
25:40thanks to bulk buying free enterprise
25:42and a mate of mine who does a bit of smuggling,
25:45I can let you have one of these for a mere £15.
25:47That's all it is.
25:48What do you mean?
25:49I'll let you have this for the same amount of money that I paid for it,
25:51and that is £14.
25:53Come on, it's £14.
25:55Snatch it off me, come on.
25:57You won't get a better...
25:58Do you mind moving on, sir,
25:59because I'm trying to do a bit of business here, sir?
26:01Sure, yes, sir.
26:02That's all right.
26:03Now, listen, I don't care whether you've got earache, neckache, backache,
26:06or even any other sort of ache.
26:09This little device will cure it.
26:11Try it on him, then.
26:12Do what, ladies?
26:13Try on the old fellow.
26:14No, no, no, no, no, no.
26:16Look, I don't want to do my batteries up, do I?
26:18No.
26:19Anyway, that's probably not backache.
26:20That's body language.
26:21I think he's trying to tell you something, darling, right?
26:23No, no.
26:24It's rheumatic, son.
26:25Suffered from it for years.
26:27Try your massager on him.
26:29Hold on.
26:32All right.
26:34All right.
26:35I will.
26:38That soppy little thing won't do me no good.
26:40My back's been under expert.
26:42Compounded the medical world, my back has.
26:44Well, at least let me try.
26:46It can't do any harm, can it, sir, eh?
26:48Give me a try.
26:49Come on, slip your coat off.
26:50Just slip your coat off there.
26:51That's it.
26:52Let's see what you can...
26:53Oh, I see you're a naval war hero, sir.
26:54Forty years before a mass, fighting for king and country.
26:56Well, that's...
27:00Hey, groan, groan.
27:01Oh, God, me back!
27:02That's it.
27:03Right.
27:04Remember, no sudden movements.
27:06Not until I've applied the healing rays
27:08of the Inframax Deep Penetration Massager.
27:11Right, here we go.
27:12Right, here it is.
27:13Can you feel that, sir?
27:15Can you feel the relaxing warmth,
27:16soothing the pain and tension away
27:18in your lumbar region?
27:19Hmm?
27:20Yeah.
27:21It's very therapeutic, that is.
27:23I ain't never had this done to me before.
27:25Coming from an old sailor,
27:27that is saying something, isn't it?
27:30It's lovely, that is.
27:31My back feels better already.
27:33There you are.
27:34There you are.
27:35Look at that.
27:36I can stand up straight.
27:38I haven't been able to stand up straight for years.
27:52I love it.
27:53I can't believe him.
27:54What is he doing to me?
27:56He's just a stooge.
27:58Out of the act.
27:59No, no, no, he ain't.
28:01No, of course he ain't.
28:02We've never met before in our lives.
28:03Have we, sir?
28:04No, dear, we haven't.
28:13Come.
28:14You told me to get better in front of a crowd.
28:17Yes, I know that,
28:18but I didn't ask you to do the third act
28:19from Singing in the Rain, did I, eh?
28:21Look, you came round the corner
28:22looking like old father times,
28:24with one rub of me massage
28:25and you turned into Wayne Sleep.
28:27I'm not used to all this market speeding.
28:29Why don't you get Rodney to do it?
28:31Because Rodney started his new job today,
28:33hasn't he, eh?
28:34He can't be in two places at the same time.
28:36Oh, come on.
28:37Clear all this lot up, will you?
28:39Bloody fair, eh?
28:41I fought a war for the younger generation.
28:43Oh, yeah?
28:44What side were you on?
28:46Old boy.
28:47Albert.
28:49Good wedding, wasn't it?
28:51Oh, yeah, yeah, it was, wasn't it?
28:53Lisa and Andy were double pleased
28:54with that dinner service you bought them.
28:55They must have cost a fortune.
28:57Nah, that's all right, Trig, you know.
28:58Anything for a young couple.
29:00Boy, up here comes money, look.
29:02Did you see the crappy present he bought them?
29:06No, no, no, I didn't catch that, Trig, no.
29:08Load of cheap old plates.
29:10The sort of thing you get in a bad Chinese restaurant.
29:14Well, quite a typical limbo, isn't it, eh?
29:16That's why he's so rich, you know, for being so tight.
29:19Yeah, he's tight, isn't he?
29:20Yeah.
29:22You know, he's the sort of bloke
29:23who buys a tin of baked beans on Tuesday
29:25so he can have a bubble bath on Wednesday.
29:31Morning, gentlemen.
29:32Hey, did you buy anything?
29:33All right.
29:34Another fine day in Gotham City?
29:38Well, Trigger, the wedding's seen to go off very well,
29:40all things considered.
29:41Yeah, it was all right, wasn't it?
29:43Did Lisa and what's-his-name
29:45find time to look at my present?
29:47Yeah, they looked at it.
29:49Not for long, though.
29:51And what about his little gift?
29:53Oh, well, they put Del's present
29:55straight in her display cabinet.
29:58Peasants!
30:00Behind me, talking to the wedding,
30:02there's something I want to ask you two.
30:04Now, listen, think back to the early 60s, right?
30:06Do you remember Freddy the Frog?
30:09Freddy the Frog?
30:10Mm.
30:11No, it don't ring a bell.
30:13I remember Torchy, the battery boy.
30:16Well, that was all.
30:19I don't believe you two.
30:20I just don't believe you.
30:23Hang up.
30:24That's off.
30:26Hello?
30:27Your minicab's arrived, Albert.
30:30I see.
30:35Is that Dave?
30:40Yeah.
30:50Oh, you git.
30:52You rotten git.
30:55You never told me my new job was a teeth moulder.
30:58Rodney, show some respect.
31:03It's Rodney.
31:04Just you wait, Phil.
31:06Just you wait.
31:21Why are you taking us down here, Rodney?
31:23It's no entry.
31:24Yeah.
31:25Sorry, Mr. Johann.
31:26I was talking to my brother and I...
31:29Sorry.
31:30Um...
31:33Could you just back up a little bit, please?
31:38Would you mind backing up a little bit, please?
31:40Cos we...
31:43Oh, what's the trouble?
31:47I can't stand it any more.
31:49Oh, what a plonker.
31:52Excuse me.
31:53Out of the way.
31:54Ali, Ali.
31:55Miss, we...
31:56Yes, I'm finding this rather upsetting, too.
31:59Do you know the bloke in the Hurston?
32:01No.
32:02But I know the bloke in the Cortina.
32:03I sold it to him last week.
32:07You're a liar, Dale.
32:08I swear to you, Rodney, I did not know what your duties would be, Mr. Johann.
32:12Never told me.
32:13Didn't know my arse.
32:16I'll put your money in the flat.
32:17Yeah, well, every little helps, Rodney.
32:19Every little helps.
32:20And anyway, I thought that black suit looked really good on you.
32:23No, it didn't.
32:24I saw a reflection of myself in a window.
32:27I looked like a wand.
32:30You told me I'd be a trainee computer programmer.
32:34And are you not programming his computer?
32:37Oh, yes, I am programming his computer.
32:39I am also an apprentice pallbearer, a fully-fledged chief mourner,
32:43and I have to go and get the sandwiches.
32:46As long as you've got job satisfaction, that's the main thing.
32:48Yes, well, I have not got job satisfaction, actually.
32:51Matter of fact, I am thinking of resigning.
32:53Well, you'd better hurry up before he sacks you.
32:55Look, that big traffic jam was not my fault.
32:58All right, you name one person who blamed me.
33:00Mr. Johann did.
33:02Grieving relatives did.
33:03The flying eye did.
33:07Well, my fault the differential on that Cortina seized up.
33:10Well, I called for the RAC, and they called for a tow truck, but it couldn't get through.
33:14Why?
33:15Well, because of the big traffic jam.
33:18Anyway, it all went off all right in the end.
33:20Oh, yeah, it went off all right in the end.
33:21I mean, you could have started a trend.
33:23Floodlit funerals could be all the rage.
33:28Anyway, I don't want to talk no more about it.
33:30I've got more important things on my mind.
33:32Oh, we're not getting back to Freddy the Bleeding Frog again, are we?
33:36Yes, we are.
33:38There's a million quid's worth of gold bullion out there, and it's mine.
33:41It's ours.
33:42You are something else, you are.
33:44A drunken old woman spins you some cock and ball story, and you fall for it.
33:48Now, listen, Rodney.
33:49Just because Reanie was a good time girl who liked the occasional tizer, that was all right.
33:53She was never a liar.
33:55Anyway, I've been out to see a few faces this afternoon.
33:58I've got some information.
33:59They have confirmed it, right, about a robbery.
34:02The gold bullion never being found.
34:05The lot.
34:06How can you be sure it ain't been found?
34:08I mean, over the past few years, every policeman and underworld figure in the country
34:12must have been looking for that gold.
34:14Yeah, and what would they have done with it, eh?
34:16They'd either put it through a fence, which meant it becomes public knowledge, right,
34:20or they smelt it down themselves, right?
34:22If they do that, well, that amount of gold coming onto the market, Rodney, causes ripples, right?
34:27The sort of ripples that would be remembered for a long time.
34:31What if the police found it?
34:33I'm talking about the police.
34:38The chaps never found it either.
34:40I had a chat with the Driscoll brothers.
34:43You went and saw the Driscoll brothers?
34:45Why, what are they like?
34:46Oh, they're smashing blokes, Hank.
34:48It's like bumping into the two Ronnies, Biggs and Cray.
34:53They never sussed out while you was asking questions?
34:55No.
34:57I mean, you know what they're like, don't you?
35:01A couple of years ago, right, some guru reckoned the world would end within a month.
35:06And Danny Driscoll bet a grand that it would.
35:11And he's the brains of the art.
35:16The only trouble was, I kept on having to refer to him as Freddy the Frog.
35:20I couldn't remember his real surname.
35:22It was, I don't know, Robson or something, wasn't it?
35:24Robdall.
35:25Robdall, that's what it was, yep.
35:27I've been trying to think of that all afternoon.
35:35Just a minute, wait.
35:37Did you know him?
35:38Yeah, vaguely.
35:40Well, why didn't you say?
35:43Well, first time I met him, he was just a kid.
35:4518, 19, different age group from me.
35:48Then over the years, I used to bump into him every so often.
35:51Usually in one of the pubs down the docks.
35:55He was a very likeable bloke.
35:57Very generous.
35:58He was very tall and handsome.
36:02Everybody liked him, especially the women.
36:04They used to fall over themselves for him.
36:06Yes, yes, yes, yes.
36:07What about the gold bullion?
36:09Well, he robbed a bank in the city.
36:11We know all that, don't we?
36:13What happened after the robbery?
36:16Well, about a week after,
36:18Freddy and an explosives expert called Jelly Kelly,
36:22they broke into a post office in Plumstead.
36:27Yeah, that's right.
36:28And then apparently they set the wires of the explosives all right.
36:32Everything going well when nobody knew why
36:36Freddy the Frog sat on a detonator.
36:41They found him up on a roof.
36:44Or a building across the road.
36:47All right.
36:48What happened to the other mush, Kelly the Jelly?
36:51Well, he was holding the nitroglycerine when Freddy sat down.
36:56So he didn't survive either.
36:58Well, if he did, he'd be no good in a Mexican way.
37:08I don't know.
37:10Wherever I go, it's the same story, isn't it?
37:13Freddy the Frog took the secret with him.
37:15Maybe he shipped the gold abroad.
37:17No, there wouldn't have been time.
37:19It was only a week between him doing the job and hitting the snooze button, wasn't there?
37:24Do you know, there's another thing that's confusing me and all.
37:27I mean, if that Freddy the Frog was going out with a married woman on this estate,
37:31why did he leave all his money to our mum?
37:37It's a mystery, isn't it?
37:41I'll make some tea.
37:43And there's another thing.
37:44I was talking to one of them Driscoll heavies,
37:46and he reckoned that Freddy, he had a son by that woman.
37:52It's just a rumour, Dale. I take no notice of rumours.
37:55I don't know, but if it was true, that boy would be in his mid-twenties by now, wouldn't he?
38:02Still, the thing is, he don't know who his dad was,
38:05so he can't make a claim on the fortune, can he?
38:10Look at this, Rodney.
38:12Look at this, Rodney.
38:13Here we are, millionaires, and we're getting threatening letters from the milkman.
38:19This Freddy the Frog, did he have any hobbies or pastimes?
38:23Did he have any hobbies or pastimes?
38:25We're looking for his gold, not his ruggy tennis racket!
38:28No, no, I just thought, you know, the more you find out about him,
38:31the more you know how his mind works.
38:33All right, yes, good thinking, Rodney.
38:36Right, well, he was a bit of an artist or something, wasn't he, Albert?
38:40Yeah, a good artist, yeah.
38:42They reckon that if he hadn't have been a tea leaf,
38:44he could have made a very good forger.
38:48Well, that's got us a lot closer, hasn't it, eh?
38:50Problem solved, that's it.
38:52I think I'm going to go to bed.
38:54Say goodnight to you two.
38:55Goodnight.
38:56Night.
39:00Albert.
39:01They're rumours, Rodney.
39:03That's all.
39:06Rumours.
39:08Goodnight, Sam.
39:15Rodney!
39:16Don't forget, you've got to be down at Moore by half nine.
39:20All right, come on.
39:22We'll just finish this and we'll pop down to the market
39:24and do a bit with the massagers.
39:26And this time, when I've finished operating on you,
39:28no tap dancing.
39:30Just straighten up slowly like it's a miracle.
39:32Dad!
39:33Rodney!
39:34What's all that about?
39:35Dunno.
39:36Looks like a piece of our time.
39:38What's that about?
39:39Sit there.
39:40This morning, Mr Jahan asked me to transfer
39:42all his old paper files onto a computer.
39:44Not my computer!
39:45Yeah!
39:46Now, have a read of that.
39:47No, no, it's a summons.
39:48It's a summons, isn't it?
39:49No, no.
39:51It's one of Mr Jahan's order forms from July 1963.
39:55Now, look who ordered one coffin to be specially made.
39:59One Frederick Robdell.
40:01But it was ordered five weeks before he did the robbery.
40:05Six weeks before he blew himself up.
40:07Well, don't you see what he means?
40:09He had a premonition.
40:13You bird.
40:15No, no, wait a minute, wait a minute.
40:18Look, look.
40:19This casket here was ordered by Mr Frederick Robdell,
40:22right, he paid for it,
40:23but it was made for a Mr Alfred Broderick.
40:26Who's Alfred Broderick?
40:28No.
40:29Look at the two names closely.
40:31It's an anagram.
40:34Yeah, yeah, I can see that.
40:37But who was he?
40:40No.
40:41No?
40:42Oh, bloody hell, look.
40:45If you transpose all the letters, right,
40:47well, mix up,
40:48you mix up all the letters from Frederick Robdell, right,
40:51it becomes Alfred Broderick.
40:53In other words, Broderick never existed.
40:55He's just one of Freddie's aliases.
40:57He's right and all.
41:00So what you're saying is that
41:03he put the bullion into the coffin
41:07and then got the co-op to hide it for him.
41:09Well, in this case, Mr Jehan.
41:11That's right.
41:12It was all legal above board.
41:13It was most probably paraded through them streets.
41:15I bet he even got the old bill to hold up the traffic for it.
41:19And then it was buried with all the usual honours.
41:22All Freddie had to do was bide his time and then come back for it.
41:25You two seem to be forgetting something.
41:27This isn't a family pet you're talking about.
41:29If what you're suggesting is right,
41:31he'd have needed permission from the authorities.
41:33He'd have needed official documentation and lots and lots of it.
41:37So where does he get all that?
41:41He always has to spoil things, doesn't he?
41:46Wait a minute, wait a minute.
41:48I think I've cracked it.
41:50Listen, way back in the early 60s when you was just a nipper,
41:53Mum got herself a job down at Town Hall as a secretary.
41:57A secretary?
41:58Yeah, yes.
41:59One of her duties was hoovering out the registrar's department.
42:03Right?
42:04You see what he means?
42:05He could get her hands on all the documents that he needed
42:08and mark them with the official stamp.
42:10But that's...
42:11Of course!
42:12What are you doing here?
42:14I thought you were supposed to be helping me with the embalming.
42:16Yeah, sorry, Mr Jan. I took an early lunch.
42:18It's all right, Mr Jan.
42:19Could you please just come and sit down for a minute, will you?
42:22Because I'd just like to have a little chat with you.
42:24Look, Rodney found this in your files.
42:28This is confidential material.
42:29Yes, I know. It just shows you how keen he is, though.
42:31He's bringing his homework to lunch with him.
42:33Listen, do you remember...
42:34Do you remember this man, Mr Frederick Robdell?
42:36Frederick...
42:37Yes, I remember him very well.
42:39Most charming man.
42:41See, my father had just bought the business
42:43and Mr Robdell was one of our first clients.
42:46The other reason it sticks out in my mind
42:48is because Mr Robdell ordered an extra-large casket to be made.
42:53Hmm.
42:54Ah, and I expect his mate, Mr Broderick,
42:58was an extra-large chap.
43:00Was he?
43:01Oh, I wouldn't know. We didn't handle the funeral.
43:04What?
43:06We simply supplied the casket.
43:08Mr Robdell came and collected it in a van one night.
43:11You mean it was a takeaway?
43:14Mr Robdell told us it was to be a very private affair.
43:17We didn't question his decision.
43:19We didn't want to intrude upon his grief
43:21and we needed the business.
43:22Wait a minute, wait a minute.
43:24Does that mean that you don't know where it's buried?
43:27As I said, I don't know. It was a private affair.
43:30We must go now. Rodney, how long will you be?
43:32Back soon, Mr Johan.
43:33We have a lot of work to be done.
43:34Yeah, I know.
43:37Well, that's the end of that, then.
43:39We'll never find it now, son.
43:40Yes, we will.
43:41Del, the gold has been missing for 24 years
43:44and the last thing anyone saw of Freddy the Frog
43:46was on a radar screen, so what chance have we got?
43:51Listen to me.
43:53He would have buried it somewhere local.
43:55He would have stuck to an area that he knew well.
43:58So, listen, this is what we're going to do.
44:00I'm going to go down to see the flower man down at market
44:02and get us a codula tulips on sale or return.
44:05Then you're going to go and visit
44:06every graveyard and cemetery in the district
44:08and you're going to read every name on every headstone.
44:11And when you leave, you leave a flower
44:12as if you're one of the relatives.
44:14But it's thousands of them.
44:15Well, all right, if anyone asks you,
44:16say you come from a big family.
44:19Rodney, I want you to do the same in your travels.
44:22A bit like a busman's holiday for you, isn't it, eh?
44:25In the meantime, I'm going to check the records
44:27down at town halls, stonemasons, churches, that sort of thing.
44:30Don't worry, brother, don't worry.
44:32We'll find it, we will, we'll find it.
44:34Dale, I don't want to be the prophet of doom or nothing,
44:37but I do get the feeling we are wasting our time.
44:39That is time that could be spent more productively
44:42in earning some money and paying some bills.
44:44We owe two months' rent,
44:45we are drinking tea with no milk in it,
44:47and the electricity board keep calling round
44:49to see why their meter is running backwards.
44:52There's food in the cupboard, isn't there?
44:54Yeah, thanks to my pension and Rodney's wages,
44:57it wouldn't be a bad idea for you to drive down to Hampshire
45:00and pick up that computer money off the vicar.
45:02Oh, leave it out.
45:04That gold must be here, hidden somewhere.
45:06I mean, it can't have disappeared.
45:08This is Peckham, not the Bermuda Triangle.
45:11And as for me, going all the way down to Hampshire
45:13to pick up a piddle in 120 quid,
45:15that's like admitting defeat.
45:17A sign that I'd given up all hope of ever finding my birthright.
45:22That is not my style.
45:25When Del Trotter says he's going to do something,
45:28Del Trotter does it.
45:33You see what I mean, Mr Trotter?
45:35I've tried everything and it simply refuses to work.
45:40Has it received a whack of any kind?
45:42Oh, no, I can assure you.
45:45There you go. It's all it needed.
45:48Yes. Of course, I'm not technically minded like you, Mr Trotter.
45:51No, well, some of these high-tech advancements,
45:53they need a bit of encouragement.
45:55Well, if you'll just give me my money, I'll bid you a fond farewell.
45:57I'm afraid I shan't be needing the computer, Mr Trotter.
46:00What?
46:01As I said to you at the wedding,
46:03I couldn't honestly see what part a computer could play
46:05in the daily running of a small parish such as this.
46:08And my words have been borne out.
46:10Yes, I know. But if it had been working properly,
46:12you hadn't seen the benefits.
46:14I'm terribly sorry, Mr Trotter,
46:16and I'm grateful to you for giving me it for two weeks on approval,
46:18but I simply have no need of it.
46:21Well...
46:23I can't take it back now.
46:25It's been used.
46:27What? You told me to use it.
46:29Yes, I know, but you've taken it out of the protective wrapping.
46:31And look at that there.
46:33Look, it's had a whack there. Look there.
46:35But you just did that.
46:37Yes, I know that.
46:39But I'm not a technician, am I? I'm merely a salesman, that's all.
46:42I mean, what am I going to tell my governor, eh?
46:44I'm going to have to go up and tell him one or two things.
46:46I'm going to have to say to him, you know,
46:48that you took it out of the protective wrapping,
46:50you messed about with it,
46:52you let an unqualified wally repair it,
46:54and now you want to elbow it.
46:56No, no, I'm sorry.
46:58No, I mean, look, that machine was in perfect condition
47:00when I loaned it to you, and look at it now.
47:02I mean, look at it. Look, it's second-hand, isn't it?
47:04Mr Trotter, that is not...
47:06All right, all right, OK. As you are a man of the cloth,
47:08and seeing that you're the one who nosed it up,
47:10I'll tell you what I'm going to do.
47:13I don't want the computer.
47:15But this computer is the top of the range.
47:17This is the silver cloud of computers.
47:19I mean to say, there are thousands of people
47:21pouring out of London into the new housing estates in your parish.
47:24Your flock is increasing.
47:26I mean, you're going to need one of these to keep a check on them all, aren't you?
47:28I only wish that were true.
47:30Unfortunately, few people seem to require the services of a church such as this.
47:33It seems a pity to me
47:35that there aren't more people like our beautiful friend,
47:38Mr Robdall.
47:40What?
47:42Oh, I do apologise.
47:44I couldn't help overhearing you and Mrs Turpin
47:46discussing Mr Robdall at the wedding.
47:48You mean to say that you knew Freddie the Frog?
47:50I'm sorry? I mean, you knew...
47:52You knew Frederick Robdall?
47:54Many years ago, when I came to St Barry's first,
47:57he had a holiday home a few miles from here.
47:59He always used to look in if he was down this way.
48:02A charming and very generous man.
48:04He donated the stained-glass windows.
48:06In fact, he loved this church so much,
48:08his parents are buried here.
48:10Oh, that's nice.
48:11And did you ever meet his friend, Mr Broderick?
48:14Alfred Broderick?
48:15That's him?
48:16Well, yes.
48:17Not to say meet in the conventional sense.
48:19I had the sad duty of laying the poor man to rest.
48:22He must have been rather a large man.
48:24It took eight of us to carry him from the hearse.
48:27Yeah, well, he was an anagram.
48:31Could you tell me where you buried him?
48:33I'd like to pay my last respects.
48:35Oh, yes. It'll be here in the records.
48:38He must have been very close to Mr Robdell.
48:40I've never forgotten the way that he kept patting the coffin
48:44and contained his grief behind a smile.
48:47Yeah, well, we were all a bit choked, you know.
48:49Oh, yes. Here we are.
48:52Now, about the computer.
48:54Don't worry about that. Give it to the jumble sale.
48:56It's only a load of rubbish anyway.
49:00What do you put in that thing?
49:02It's me own recipe.
49:04Dutch tobacco, navy shag,
49:06and a spoonful of rum to keep it moist.
49:11Smell the salt, Rodney.
49:13What, you put condiments in it as well?
49:16I'm talking about the ozone in the air.
49:19It takes me back.
49:21Yeah, funny how a smell can start the mind turning.
49:25Yeah.
49:26Not to mention a stomach.
49:29Rodney, I know where it's buried.
49:38What?
49:40You mean here?
49:43Here.
49:45Come on. Albert, bring that shovel.
49:51Dell? Dell, you cannot go digging up a grave!
49:55Dell? Dell, you cannot go digging up a grave in broad daylight!
49:59I mean, I know there's nothing actually in it,
50:01except for gold bullion,
50:03but if anyone saw us doing it, they might not understand.
50:05Come on.
50:07Come on, over here. Come on, over here.
50:14This is it. This is where he buried it.
50:17Where?
50:19There.
50:22A burial at sea?
50:25Why?
50:27How did he ever hope to get the gold back?
50:30Because there were one or two things
50:32that our dear uncle forgot to inform us of, Rodney.
50:35Like he told us that he met Freddy the Frog, right,
50:37but he didn't say where and how.
50:39I met him when he was doing his national service in the Navy.
50:42Yes, he was a sailor.
50:44He also omitted to tell us
50:46how he got the nickname of Freddy the Frog.
50:49We assumed it was because of his love of all things French.
50:52No, it was because he was a frogman.
50:54Yes, it was because he was a frogman.
50:57I know that now. I just got the full SB off the vicar.
51:00Why didn't you tell us?
51:02Well, you know me. I never talk about my days at sea.
51:07We knew that Freddy had a chalet down here at the coast.
51:10If we'd also known he was an ex-sailor and a deep-sea diver,
51:14we may have been able to put two and two together.
51:17Yes, and he might have saved us a fortnight
51:19of creeping round every cemetery and churchyard in South London.
51:22Well, if you knew he was buried at sea,
51:24why did you ask me to bring this shovel?
51:27So I could whack you on the bloody head with it.
51:30Didn't he say? Oh, well.
51:33Well, he gives me the ump, doesn't he?
51:35Gives me the right steaming ump.
51:41It was beautiful.
51:43It was really beautiful.
51:45He got all the authentic paperwork,
51:47a pucker ceremony, kosher vicar,
51:50even got two off-duty policemen
51:52to help him carry the coffin to the boat.
51:55All he had to do was wait for the dust to settle,
51:58then come back with a frogman gear, dive down and get it.
52:01He must have known these waters well.
52:04Probably been diving them for years.
52:06It's out there, Rodney.
52:08It's out there.
52:10Our legacy.
52:12Nothing you can do about it now, Dale.
52:15I'm not leaving it there.
52:18The sea shall not have it.
52:21I shall bring it to the surface.
52:24We can do it.
52:27I have faith in you, Rodney.
52:30How do you expect me?
52:32What do you mean, you've got faith in me?
52:34Listen, listen, I can get you all the flippers, you know, the goggles.
52:37You're the only one in the family who can swim.
52:39All I ever got was a 50-yard certificate at school.
52:42Well, you only need to swim 50 yards.
52:44Down.
52:46On your bike.
52:48You've got to start searching.
52:50You're looking at 500 square miles of ocean.
52:53It took them 70 years to find the Titanic.
52:56So what chance we got with an outsized coffin?
53:00Got to do something.
53:02He who dares wins.
53:06It's a million quid's worth of gold out there, Rodney.
53:10Our gold.
53:12We can't just say bonjour to it.
53:21Do I look like him?
53:23It was just a rumour, son.
53:26Do I look like him?
53:29A bit.
53:31I always felt as if I was a bit different from the rest of the family, you know.
53:35A bit of a cuckoo.
53:37Just a rumour.
53:41Freddy the Frog.
53:43Killed himself by sitting on someone else's detonator.
53:49What a plonker.
54:01Come on.
54:03Let's talk about it over a pint, eh?
54:08Yeah, I expect you're right, brother.
54:12But in the words of General MacArthur,
54:15I will be back soon.
54:20I'm not leaving our birthright down there in Davy Smith's locker.
54:23No way.
54:25I tell you, Rodders,
54:27this time next year,
54:29we will be millionaires.