CRAYON SHINCHAN クレヨンしんちゃん EP45
anime,jdrama,cartoon
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:011, 2, 3, 4!
00:05Yeah!
00:09A penny for your thoughts and suicidal tendencies.
00:13Must be a storm brewing. It's too perilous to play outside.
00:17And the rest of our class is out with the pox.
00:19Yeah, did a pretty good job spreading them.
00:21Hey, boys!
00:22Uh-oh.
00:23I know a game that's great when your school's like a prison.
00:26We'd rather keep some dignity today.
00:28No more house. Please.
00:31You agree, Maso?
00:33What? No! I mean, it has gotten a bit tired,
00:37and I'm still troubled from the time you made school's not mean.
00:41I wasn't talking about house, you scrotumless baby.
00:44Corporate fraud?
00:46Unlicensed therapy!
00:48We'll pretend we're at a 24-7 crisis center.
00:50Doesn't that sound like fun?
00:52You guys can play jumpers, danglers, fumers, everything.
00:55Psychology isn't really science.
00:57And besides, we're five. Life's pretty darn peachy.
00:59Georgie, we're barely educated, too short to reach anything,
01:02and several of us don't even tie our own shoes.
01:04I'd say life sucks worse than you think.
01:06Um, okay.
01:08Now let's go and get our fun on. Maso, Shin, grab a table.
01:11Boo, get paper. It's the white flat stuff.
01:13Oh.
01:14And you're on crayons, the ones that glitter.
01:16Sir!
01:18What now?
01:19Whatever she says.
01:21Thank you all for volunteering.
01:23I have to say that while I'm brilliant,
01:25I don't have any professional training and take no responsibility
01:27should I cause you to actually pull the trigger.
01:31I'll counsel, too.
01:33I'm a great listener.
01:35Dumb sacks, we can't all be counselors
01:37or we won't have anyone to counsel.
01:39And where's the fun if no one wants to hate themselves?
01:41Sorry, I'd like to be sad,
01:43but my ass is far too rocky.
01:46I have to pick someone.
01:48Go get in the sad seat.
01:50Me? It's like them in reverse.
01:52I'm not at risk.
01:54I don't even have a drug problem.
01:55I won't take half a children's Tylenol
01:57without being in a safe place.
01:59Now, Maso, tell us why you want to die today.
02:02Uh, I don't.
02:05Could the problem be your clear lack of swaggering masculinity?
02:08Maso's more manly than you. He's got two balls.
02:10Damn you, Shin, learn to respect your peers.
02:12Now, is it because you're headed for a lifestyle
02:14that's, to paraphrase Huckaby, akin to bestiality?
02:16Um, uh, I'm quite happy, actually.
02:22It should be anonymous,
02:24because that's what people do when they have cool secrets to tell.
02:27I saw it on Unsolved Mal Stories.
02:30Whoa!
02:31Boo, your brains grew.
02:33Nice, Boo.
02:34Now, tell us your problem, Mr. Anonymous.
02:36Uh, well, there is this girl named Petunia
02:40who terrorizes me at school.
02:43I see. Tell me more about this Petunia.
02:46She rebukes me for who I am
02:48and forces her fantasy games on me.
02:52Ah, is that all, Mr. Anonymous, or is there more?
02:55Sometimes it's worse.
02:56She makes me perform in her terribly dark plays
02:59when I prefer musical theater.
03:01Please, I'm a playwright, too. Are they good?
03:03No, they're crappy and all about her.
03:05I think that's the mark of a novice.
03:08Okay, that's enough.
03:09I'm sure this Petunia girl means well
03:11and only sucks in the subjective sense.
03:13Uh-huh, and she could also beat us to her pulpy.
03:15No, don't take her side.
03:16She sounds like a total bitch to me.
03:18She is a bitch and a tyrant!
03:20I know chicks like this all too well.
03:22She's clearly got problems,
03:23but she can't treat you like a doormat.
03:25No way, you have to confront the issue.
03:27I can't seem to get through to her.
03:29Well, if you've made it totally obvious
03:31and she's still too self-centered to hear you,
03:33screw being nice and show her you won't be bullied.
03:35I say piss in her apple juice.
03:36This is a fun game.
03:38Yeah, okay, piss in her juice.
03:41I've never been a bad boy. I feel empowered.
03:44So you're no longer suicidal and I've saved your life.
03:47Can we all agree on that?
03:48Yes, can we stop?
03:49Great, your turn, Georgie.
03:50No, there's nothing wrong with me,
03:52nothing I'd ever admit.
03:53How about you, Boo?
03:55I can't make my arms stop moving.
03:57Yeah.
03:58You've got a problem, right?
04:00Nope, sorry.
04:01Never mind.
04:02What?
04:03You guys are too stubborn or too stupid to play right,
04:06so who can we counsel?
04:07Hey, we could use our teachers.
04:09They're all kinds of screwed up.
04:11Oh, hell yeah!
04:15Look, I don't feel like teaching today, kids.
04:18Don't worry, Miss Katz.
04:19We don't need anything from you.
04:20Actually, we want to serve you instead.
04:23Oh, are you kids offering to clean up my car?
04:27Even better.
04:28We're going to fix your wreck of a life.
04:31Yeah.
04:32Wow, how nice of you.
04:35How much do they know?
04:36Could they have found out about me and Miss Polly?
04:38I swear she drugged me.
04:39She drugged me and that machine was awesome.
04:41So tell us why you want to pull a Bud Dwyer
04:43at the next school assembly.
04:44That's awful.
04:45Kids, you act like I'm sad
04:47and I've lost all of my dreams and standards.
04:49But I love who I am as a teacher and a woman.
04:52I'm a relatively young bombshell.
04:54I've had the courage to move to Japan
04:55and I've left the expat district several times.
04:57I've got a rack so worth the 30% interest.
05:00I keep a blog with 10 readers
05:01and people send me tons of drinks on Facebook.
05:03Though I'm still not sure what you do with them.
05:05My life rocks.
05:06This is the one who cries about never having a man around, right?
05:09Uh-huh.
05:10Don't cry.
05:12Actually, I get asked that all the time.
05:14I get thousands of calls a week
05:15and I get so busy sorting through all the candidates
05:17I don't have time to go on dates at all
05:19because I'm the dating queen.
05:20Wow, that's creative.
05:22There you are, Wellian.
05:23You're the Clear Skies act of coupling, ma'am.
05:25It's true, though.
05:27Maybe I have the same problem and I'm a dating queen.
05:29You are not like me.
05:31How come the meanest guy doesn't cripple the others
05:33and drag you to a chapel?
05:34Well, not everyone can have a storybook wedding, Penny.
05:36Most guys today just aren't assertive like that.
05:38They're shy and need you to make the first move.
05:40It's like they don't want to marry you at all.
05:44Yeah, I see that.
05:46I don't know what's up with our culture
05:47but it's made guys total cowards now.
05:49And it's scary to think of all the hot men
05:51who desperately want me but are too afraid.
05:53Yeah, my guy friends are pussies, too.
05:55Women want guys to be aggressive
05:56no matter how intimidating we are.
05:58If we act coy, it's only because we want them to keep trying
06:00unless they're ugly and then it's creepy.
06:02But if they're cute, we want them to fight.
06:03But no, they have to be sensitive and gutless.
06:05Gutless, scrotumless pussheads.
06:07And your generation's gonna be even more timid.
06:09They'll probably stop buying motorcycles and chain wallets altogether.
06:12Yes, that will be confusing for me.
06:14I have it especially bad, Penny, because I'm fine.
06:17I mean, I'd never think this about myself
06:19but guys look at me as a sorcerer's stone, you see.
06:23You want to handle this one?
06:25Sorcerer's stone, my boo.
06:27The Sorcerer God's stone is the great-grandcousin
06:29of my pet rock, Phillip,
06:31who myrtle men can gaze but not touch
06:33for it would tree into a kappa and eat their wee-wees.
06:37Yeah, close enough.
06:38The point is guys think I'm too good for them.
06:40Hey, but you said you get asked out like a thousand times a week.
06:43Well, yeah, I do. I totally do.
06:45I just mean the hot guys are scared of me.
06:49Uh-huh, uh-huh.
06:50Is that why on field trips hot guys run when you chase them
06:52while shouting out your phone number?
06:54Shut up. I don't do that.
06:56Yes, you do.
06:57And why you keep chasing the guy
06:59and tell security guards he's picked your pocket
07:01and won't let him off the hook unless he goes home with you?
07:03I don't freaking do that.
07:05You seriously do.
07:07Please excuse us.
07:08The Board of Counselors need to confer.
07:13Damn, you guys, it's our worst case yet.
07:15She's lost her grip on reality.
07:16A thousand calls a week?
07:18That's an unnaturally high number.
07:19Yes, she's delusional about the quantity
07:21and probably quality of men she can attract.
07:23Sure, I played along with her for a while,
07:25but it just got so sad.
07:26She's been lying to herself for so long
07:28about why she's still single that she really believes it.
07:30And that sorcerer crap?
07:32Uh-huh, uh-huh.
07:33I almost feel bad.
07:35It's up to us to make her face the hard truth.
07:37She's never gonna score with the hunkies.
07:39I agree, but we have to be careful in our method.
07:41Her unwarranted pride could be the only thing
07:43propping her up right now.
07:44Be fun to tell her, though.
07:45Maybe she just needs a group cuddle.
07:47No, what she needs is electroshock.
07:49It has its critics,
07:50but historically it's been quite effective.
07:52How about bastard therapy?
07:53Ever since Mom stole my bastard chef,
07:55she's been in a great mood.
07:57This isn't about making the patient happy, Shin.
07:59It's about curing her delusion.
08:00I, for one, don't feel safe under her care.
08:02Um, okay, so we shock her, then?
08:08Oh, hello there, Miss Katz.
08:10How are you enjoying the weenie box day, huh?
08:12Even five-year-olds know it.
08:13I'll never land a man.
08:14Why do I try?
08:15Miss Polly, you win.
08:16Do what you want to me, you weird kinky freak.
08:22Who? Oh, no.
08:23Miss Polly's gotten to her, too?
08:25That's not what I meant by super happy fun time.
08:29It's raining, Shin!
08:32Shin!
08:58Drink mizu water.
09:02Mountain fresh springs.
09:08And be prepared for the typhoon.
09:10What?
09:11What typhoon?
09:15Oh, try new mango flavor.
09:17When's it coming?
09:18How strong is it?
09:19Where's Shin?
09:20What the hell was that weird crunchy thing I ate?
09:22This weather does look bad, though.
09:24I should find Shin before he has to swim.
09:26He's lost without his bastard floaties.
09:29Another fucking storm!
09:31I'll call his friends.
09:33This is the one time a five-year-old boy shouldn't wander the streets of a city alone.
09:37Hello?
09:38Hi, it's Shin's mom.
09:39I'm looking for him.
09:40Is he with you?
09:41No, just here playing with myself.
09:43When we took Whitey to the vet, we should have microchipped Shin, too.
09:46Or groomed him.
09:47Well, better board up the windows for the storm.
09:49I suggest a nice maple.
09:51I'd better hang up now.
09:52But if you see Shin, please tell him to come home.
09:54And if anyone's drowning, call 911 and not Action Bastard.
09:58Oh, a typhoon's coming and I'm home alone.
10:02I'm a nervous wreck now.
10:03I should pour myself some chamomile.
10:05Take off the red shoes, take off the red clothes.
10:07Take this away from my head.
10:09I'm naked, not deaf.
10:11Shin, you frightened me!
10:14Do I dare ask what brings you here?
10:17I had to get out of my clothes.
10:18Well, you should have knocked.
10:20I could have been naked, too.
10:21Oh, Lordy, can you imagine?
10:23Hey, I was coming back from Georgie's
10:25and it started raining major cats and frogs.
10:27We even had to close Boo's mouth to keep him from drowning.
10:30Well, you can't be nude all day.
10:32That's not the world I know.
10:33I've heard tales of great nudie towns
10:35where the streets are paved with naked
10:36and it's paradise except for all the old fat people.
10:40Here's the thing.
10:41I wouldn't show it off too much.
10:43You know what I mean?
10:47No!
10:48Sorry.
10:49I'm so cold!
10:51You can wear these.
10:53Uh, I'm looking for something more hip.
10:55Do these shorts come in a less girly color?
10:57Maybe with a robot or a bastard on them?
10:59Sorry, Shin, but this is the best I can do on zero notice.
11:02They're like fresh new snow
11:03just waiting for me to leave my ass prints and skid marks.
11:06You know I need those back, right?
11:08Just think.
11:09Next time you wear these,
11:10it'll be like you're sharing each and every fart I make.
11:13Every time I laugh so hard, I poop a little.
11:16We'll be like poop brothers.
11:17No, stop it!
11:18Just keep the damn underwear!
11:20Can you stay dry?
11:22Think so.
11:23My blood's at a quarter tank.
11:24I mean from the rain!
11:25Don't pee in my shorts!
11:27Oh, I give up.
11:29You should rush home, though.
11:30Your mother sounded worried when she called.
11:32Yeah, I know.
11:33She fears rain.
11:34The wind's really fierce, too.
11:36Wind can't break me.
11:37We both know it's the other way around.
11:39I can hear the wind now.
11:40It's like a man screaming in despair.
11:42So cold and soggy!
11:44Here's an umbrella.
11:45And look, I put your wet clothes in a sack to keep them dry.
11:48Oh, gracias.
11:49We're BFFs.
11:51Booby-faced fartasauruses?
11:52Big fat flautas?
11:53Bodybuilding firefighters?
11:55Like Mom's calendar.
11:56Your cheeks are red.
11:57Why are your cheeks red?
11:58Are you blushing?
11:59Are these firefighters hottie girls?
12:00Can I see?
12:01They're great heroes.
12:05Be careful, Shin!
12:06Doubt it.
12:09Wind, you will not face me!
12:12Wind, you will not face me except for that one time.
12:15It was the bravest man I ever knew.
12:20Whoa!
12:26Whoa!
12:31Whoa!
12:37Whoa!
12:46Whoa!
12:50Whoa!
12:59This will be fun till the lightning hits.
13:06I'm a butterfly!
13:08I'm a million air farts!
13:10I'm an unidentified farting object!
13:12Get a match for my moon, tapoon!
13:20You should read the news.
13:21You'll need to keep up with your friends' obituaries.
13:25After they're thrown skywards and impaled on spiky iron fences,
13:28when the deadly typhoon hits...
13:31That's not a very cheery report.
13:33I hope Shin hasn't been impaled on any fence spikes.
13:39That sounds like Shin!
13:43Those collars are gonna run for sure.
13:50For the record, that's mostly water.
13:52Well, you'll need dry clothes.
13:54Guess you'll stain those, too.
13:56I really don't get what the rush is.
13:59Seems a shame to cover up this hot bod.
14:01You're an odd one, you know that, right?
14:03You know, I'm really serious about this nudist idea.
14:05Mom says men think with their noodles,
14:07so I'd hate to crush my brain with my tidies.
14:09Just shut up and get in my undies!
14:11My junk's thinking it over.
14:14Fine, you win again.
14:16I just hope you have an assload of clothes,
14:18because they're only good for a few minutes of soaking,
14:20and I figure I could do this for at least 60 more times.
14:23Why are you torturing me? What did I do to you?
14:29Well, have a good typhoon.
14:31So far, it's swell.
14:36Merry poopins!
14:44Please, can anyone hear my cries?
14:46I'm gonna die out here!
14:49In your face, storm!
14:51I could try booze, but his dad's so weird on the phone.
14:54He just breathes heavily.
14:56I'm home!
14:57Shan, where were you?
14:59I've been calling everyone. I even called Michi, and I hate her!
15:02I was at Maso's house.
15:03You weren't when I called him?
15:05Yeah, well, I'm a hard man to track.
15:06Maso said you wanted me home. That's an odd switch.
15:09If I wasn't so relieved to see you alive, I'd hit you.
15:12But in any case, you'll have to thank Maso
15:14for being so helpful in getting you out of the typhoon.
15:16Uh-huh, uh-huh.
15:18My mom said I had to thank you.
15:20Don't you think she meant after the storm was over?
15:23My friend, you make an interesting point.
15:25Now, can I borrow some clothes again?
15:29What? I thought that's what you wanted.
15:31I'm still down for the nudist idea. You can get naked, too.
15:34That looks like a sperm fertilizing an egg.
15:46No typhoon.
15:50Dildor, sword receiveth!
15:54Coming!
15:58Hail, false mother!
16:00You answered my posting about the chosen boy?
16:04That voice, is that the headcase from the park?
16:06Holy ass!
16:08He's the kendo teacher searching for a shin-like child to give free lessons to?
16:11How did I not put that together?
16:13What have my parents done?
16:15No, you don't, Dildor.
16:17One chance for freedom.
16:18What now, Shin?
16:19Think!
16:20Okay, hide your face in the shrubs.
16:23Clearly another trial of prophecy.
16:30And I've caught you!
16:33A guy with a leaf suit under his clothes?
16:35Oh well, the lessons are free.
16:37It's a glorious day, Dildor.
16:39Soon we'll paint the sky with Slaughterous's black blood.
16:42Yeah, you're crazy.
16:43So what's Kendo good for, anyway?
16:45Saving the world.
16:46That's not sexy.
16:47Her witch paste is strong.
16:48But I will show you.
16:50Let this prove Kendo's greatness.
16:52Patience of the Celestial Twelve.
16:54Speed of the Curdle Snake.
16:55Strike for absolution.
17:02Wow! Amazing!
17:05If I learn Kendo, I can chop a leaf in two?
17:08And save mankind from genocide.
17:10Man, I can chop a leaf! That's amazing!
17:14Filthy boy, you've used deception just like me!
17:17I'm clean! I'm clean!
17:19Out of my head, witch!
17:21So, where can I get my chop on?
17:23There.
17:25Wow! It's sparkly! I'm big!
17:28Silly savior, that's the other dojo.
17:30This is our fortress. His name is Leet.
17:33Kinda sucks.
17:34I'm squatting here. He's been condemned.
17:37How's he know it's a he?
17:39Leet is on our side.
17:41But he has to be coached to open his door.
17:44It's a process.
17:45By the strength of Leviathor,
17:47I demand you let us pass.
17:53I do like the violence.
17:55He's granted us entry.
17:57First though,
17:58ask Leet not to kill us while we're inside of him.
18:01Fine, I'll play.
18:02Leet, don't kill us on the chosen whatever.
18:05Yes, that's perfect.
18:07Leet won't revolt while hosting Divine Lineage.
18:10Tonight I'll sleep with eyes closed.
18:12For the record, I'm a lot more concerned than I seem.
18:17Huh?
18:25A fun game, yes.
18:26I play when I'm lonely.
18:32A loud-nosed avatar!
18:34I can see that!
18:35I'm catching his crazy!
18:37By the way,
18:38at all costs, avoid the Nexus of Guilty Thoughts.
18:41That's where the Dark Seed festers.
18:43I'll explain when you're ready.
18:44I can wait.
18:46Now then,
18:47let's dress you in garb that befits the Kendo Messiah.
18:50This is the Pan-Galactate armor revealed to me in the dumpster.
18:53All my students have worn it.
18:55Where are his other students?
18:58Perfect!
18:59Your training can begin.
19:02And...
19:03awesome sword-skill insect whores can't get bored with singing for long!
19:08Yes, I must memorize this savior song.
19:12This will be your sword, Dildor.
19:14From wood as hot as mine.
19:16Thanks, freak.
19:18With this, I'll chop great leaves!
19:20Listen, the sword's part of you now.
19:22Hold him often.
19:23As soon as you wake and right before you sleep.
19:27Check!
19:28I'll bookend my day with sword-holding.
19:31Just like my dad bookends his day with farts that smell like stale beer and raisins.
19:36I'm never drinking again.
19:39Oh, beer tastes pretty.
19:42Yes, good analogy.
19:44We'll begin with the basic swing.
19:47Grip firmly, both hands.
19:48Sounds easy.
19:50Quick, decisive strikes.
19:51Like so.
19:56Bad sword!
19:57No points for attacking crazy dudes!
19:59Zeke wouldn't do that!
20:00We're good friends!
20:01Try to be more careful!
20:03Okay...
20:06More...
20:08careful...
20:11No, Dildor.
20:12Your strikes must be fierce!
20:14Fast!
20:15Hard!
20:16Okay, but it's not my fault if it gets lodged in your throat.
20:19Tell your hands they want to grip!
20:21Like they're wrapped around the sweet udders of the flaming dairy cow herself!
20:25Moo!
20:26Oh, moo!
20:27Stop!
20:28Wait!
20:29Moo, don't stop!
20:30What is this ritual?
20:31I'm visualizing.
20:32Moo!
20:34Sounds like that leads to shame!
20:35Just hold it tight enough to crush the insect horde and not break my nose!
20:38Hey, wanna see what it'd look like if I was getting milked?
20:42Is he making dark seed?
20:43Why can't I teach him?
20:46Okay, that's enough.
20:47Let's forget the whole cheat metaphor.
20:50What?
20:51You think I'm untrainable like Mom did?
20:52Well, you can get Preggers Vision 2.0, but I warn you, she won't have a beanbag.
20:56Maybe the witch paste is still clouding your mind.
20:59Paste has good flavor!
21:01I know.
21:02Let's try next time after I've crushed more grasshopper mages.
21:06You're just saying that because I don't know what it means.
21:09I want it to be great and job stuff!
21:12Teach me to hold the sword in a non-stupid way!
21:16You'll never teach him!
21:17You're unclean!
21:18Wash your dirty parts!
21:19Wait!
21:20Dirty parts, that's the answer!
21:21Slutterous, you aimed me by mistake!
21:23Dildor!
21:24Hold the sword like you're filthy stick!
21:28Aim to pee on walls!
21:30Whoa!
21:33I get it!
21:35Whoa!
21:36Well, behold!
21:38Yes, Dildor!
21:39That's the grip!
21:40Thanks for explaining better, Nutjob!
21:42You are on your way.
21:43Next, I'll teach you to strike.
21:45And then to speak telepathically to the cream children.
21:47Yeah!
21:48Let's dance to forget you're crazy!
21:50And...
21:51Awesome swords kill insect whores!
21:53You can't get bored with singing whores!
21:59And then, I learned if I hold it like this, I can do all the things he asks me to do with it.
22:04Awesome swords kill insect whores!
22:07I mean, free lessons are free lessons, right?
22:10Awesome swords!
22:34But then I close my eyes and try to smile.
22:38I know things are bad and getting worse.
22:41But after all this, I can rest a while.
22:44And then I'll party, party!
22:47Party, party! Join us, join us!
22:48Party, party! Join us, join us!
22:50Party, party! Join us, join us!
22:51Shake your day away and you can party, party!
22:54Join us, join us!
22:55Party, party! Join us, join us!
22:56Party, party! Join us, join us!
22:58Shake your blues away!
23:03Yo! Wicked vacation, boys!
23:06This body's shaking and it ain't just shaking here.
23:09I see that smile, you're grinning ear to ear.
23:12Sing this song and you should really sing it clear.
23:15Just sing along with us!
23:20Party, party! Join us, join us!
23:22Party, party! Join us, join us!
23:23Party, party! Join us, join us!
23:25Shake your day away and you can party, party!
23:28Oh, I grabbed your cheek.
23:30Party!
23:31And I'll party it in.
23:33Party, party!