CRAYON SHINCHAN クレヨンしんちゃん EP53
anime,jdrama,cartoon
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:01One, two, three, ha!
00:05Yeah-yeah!
00:09The epic-ish battle commences!
00:14This hallowed temple will serve as the venue for our first battle in the Dipterranean Surge.
00:19Okay!
00:20Are you prepared for combat, Dildor?
00:22Yeah, except I brought my skis instead of my sword.
00:26Be right back!
00:28This is clearly the doing of witch pastes.
00:30Schizophrenia!
00:36Hey, little boy.
00:37Yo!
00:38I'm all turned around here. Can you help me find something?
00:40Is it the rest of your hair?
00:42No, funny, but no. I'm looking for the Bastard Fizz Arena.
00:45You mean that Bastard Fizz Arena right there?
00:51You must be competing in the tournament.
00:53That's right, but how did you know?
00:55Well, because I know Kendo blisters when I see them.
00:57Okay, that explains what I'm doing, but why is a guy with a bolo tie and a pig nose here?
01:01Oh, I came to see my son.
01:03Ain't seen him since he was a baby, except for some binoculars I stole from a Boy Scout.
01:07Your son's in the tournament, too? Hope I don't have to kick ass.
01:10Nah, he's a grown man now, but I read in Kendopolitan that he conned some idiot kid into being his pupil, and he's fighting today.
01:16Oh!
01:17It was 1980, and I only dropped the boy on those convent steps because I needed both hands to cut a line of blow.
01:23I realized how much easier it was to take care of a baby when someone else was doing it for me, and those sisters seemed like good mothers.
01:29Well, a few weeks back I needed a kidney transplant, so I tracked him down to the Nuthouse, but he just escaped by coating himself in feces and getting carried out with the laundry.
01:36Wait, if you didn't get that kidney you needed, shouldn't you be dead by now?
01:39Uh, turns out it was just gas.
01:41Why are you still looking for him?
01:42To grift my schizophrenic son.
01:44To give my son a hug.
01:46You're gonna hug him? I don't know.
01:49Know what?
01:50How is that supposed to make him feel better about you ditching him?
01:53This kid's getting irritating.
01:55Oh, well, I guess he'll just be happy that you're here to support him today.
01:59Yeah, that's if he wins.
02:00Wha-
02:01Or if he loses, I'll love him equally because he's my son.
02:04You are a very strange pig-faced man.
02:06Yes, I get that a lot.
02:10Foreshadowing!
02:11Those scribes will scribe your name for history.
02:13Okay.
02:14I present to you Dildor, son of Tagar, third son of Aspar.
02:17Look what the crazy dragged in.
02:19Hey, pussy, did you miss me?
02:22Why are you looking at me like I'm a fly?
02:25Is that you, General Sabius?
02:27Of course it's me, pussy!
02:29My name is Sodomichi Hido and I run the dojo next to yours.
02:32Really?
02:33So, last I saw you, you were in my dumpster stealing soiled kendo uniforms.
02:37It was well guarded by your fly goons.
02:39Does that mean the stinks in my costume weren't all mine?
02:42Your crapjack drags down property values.
02:44And your psychotic behavior attracts unwanted attention from law enforcement and the rest of us.
02:48I can sense your fear.
02:49What are you hiding?
02:50I'm certainly not hiding that I kidnap young boys from American tourists and train them to fight each other to the death.
02:56Um, Master?
02:57Huh?
02:58They weren't listening to you.
02:59Sabius fears you, Dildor.
03:01I will not be ignored!
03:03Kidnappers have feelings too, you know.
03:09So that child is the vessel of Rodlin.
03:11And to think, if Kenta hadn't told us the truth and inspired us to escape the asylum, we wouldn't even know.
03:15It was so worth coating ourselves in feces to witness this day.
03:20Yo!
03:21Hey, dude, you look familiar. Do I know you from somewhere?
03:24Do you watch Nancy Grace?
03:26That's not it.
03:27Well, if you don't recognize me from a show, please say you've seen my picture on a milk carton.
03:31You're not a cow!
03:33Hey, how do you pee with your tighties on backwards?
03:36I can see them, man. I can see his antennae.
03:38We need shields.
03:39The prophecy hath foretold that today you slay Rodlin, the sinister anti-Dildor.
03:44The son of Slutterers and the Fly Lord?
03:46Yes, that one.
03:47So what are we waiting for? I want to kick this jerk's fuzzy fly ass!
03:50Rodlin's larval form has occupied the brain of the boy they call Trevor.
03:53To face him, you must defeat the other maggot-controlled children under Sabius's command.
03:58Japanese funnel cake! So sweet! So sweet!
04:03I can't believe I'm actually having a good time at an event where they don't sell booze.
04:07The parents of the winner get a prize basket, right?
04:09Well, that and fame.
04:11I'll take the prize basket.
04:15Shin, my son! Don't suck!
04:17Make me famous!
04:20Dad, did you set the TiVo for action, bastard?
04:23We don't have a TiVo! We're poor!
04:25If I plug it, they might send one!
04:27Please don't mention copyrighted brands.
04:29Dildor must whack the henchmaggot out of its fleshy host to proceed.
04:32If you lose, Aiden, it's back to the basement orphan fighting ring you go.
04:36Now bow before me.
04:38I think you've got it all backwards, man.
04:40I think you've got it all backwards, man.
04:42Aren't people supposed to bow at the end of a performance, not the beginning?
04:45Let me guess. You go to an American school, don't you?
04:48Yeah.
04:49Ready?
04:50Draw blood!
04:51Draw blood!
04:52This kid ain't so tough. I bet he's never even had a pipe cleaner.
04:57First point red!
04:58Nice cheap shot!
04:59Way to fight dirty!
05:01Take that, foul fly spawn!
05:03Someone's getting a pipe cleaner.
05:05That was lame. Try again.
05:06Maybe if I picture Master.
05:09Don't put that pipe cleaner in my urethra!
05:21Point and match!
05:24Shin's so fast. He came out of nowhere.
05:26He takes after his father that way.
05:30I'm the best. I stabbed a man in the chest.
05:32Let that be a warning to you, vile rod-lid!
05:35I'm going to beat that brat senseless for getting beat senseless by that brat.
05:38If I beat him, I can see Mommy and Papa again.
05:41It was so worth killing those guys to get these shields.
05:43Now we're safe.
05:46Now Papa's therapy's stronger!
05:48So that's the magnificent Trevor everyone's talking about?
05:51I could take him in a bar fight.
05:52You're right, dear. You could beat up a child.
05:54Freedom will be mine.
05:59What have you in store for us?
06:01Dildor, what are you doing here?
06:03Dildor, you should be undergoing the ceremonial removal of the rubber bands from your naughty stick.
06:07To see Rod-Lid in action is so dreamy.
06:10Don't touch me.
06:11Let's do this.
06:12This is for Mommy. This is for Papa.
06:15Point for White.
06:17Cuckoo bananas. How do I beat that?
06:19I don't know. You just do.
06:21You're supposed to be my teacher. Teach me.
06:23The prophecy is unclear.
06:25But it foretells that the Fly Lord and his wretched sister, Slutterus, will fornicate.
06:29The product of those incestuous insect sex will be a powerful beast known as Rod-Lid,
06:33capable of bringing about the Kurtoclysm.
06:35Humanity's only hope will be Dildor descending from the heavens riding on a rainbow.
06:40Now I get it. You're really bat poop crazy.
06:44White, point. Match.
06:46Clearly you've been dosed with Slutterus' witch paste,
06:49and we'll need a brain enema to get you to stop talking like a fly.
06:53Now she has you acting like a fly? Dash my buttons!
06:56All right, so according to the full-color commemorative program I leafed through but didn't pay for,
07:00Shin's next opponent is some kid named Porker.
07:02That's a typo. His name must be Parker.
07:05Nope. It was Porker.
07:06Hope he doesn't sit on me.
07:08Now fight!
07:11I'm a little worried here. I think he wants to eat me.
07:14Please don't eat me!
07:18Real original douchebucket.
07:19I'll smash you on behalf of every pudgy kid who's ever been mocked by a classmate or lame cartoon.
07:25I STRIKE LIKE A WATERFALL!
07:27SMASH YOU WITH MY WATERFALL!
07:29I LOVE BIG WATERFALLS!
07:31Point red.
07:34What's my leash doing?
07:35I didn't spend these weeks training him and fighting my rational fear of human contact
07:39just to see him fall to a lardo who's not even ruled by a talking maggot?
07:42He's the idiot kid? I should have put that together.
07:45If he loses this early, I really came here for jack shit.
07:47Cursing is for flies, stranger.
07:49Man, fatty waterfalls kinda hurt. I guess there's only one thing I can do.
07:53FIGHT DIRTY!
07:54PLEASE ME!
07:56Once again, my waterfall!
07:58Nothing stops my waterfall!
08:00All I have is waterfall!
08:01WATERFALL! WATERFALL!
08:04That crouch. Tildor's up to something.
08:07What's this?
08:09Fish on TV swimming at the waterfall!
08:12Before I get eaten by survivorman?
08:16White, one point. Match tied.
08:18Now that's the money-making kind of action I can use.
08:21Where are you getting all those tasty snacks?
08:23You stole them from the other team's cooler, didn't you?
08:25Round three, fight! Think pain!
08:27What do I do now? The waterfall tricks my signature.
08:30It's the only move I know.
08:31My entire identity is built on it.
08:34At school, kids are like sub-water and I'm like,
08:36yo, I make it rain and they laugh.
08:37Now I'm just gonna be the fat-ass witty kid again.
08:40Match! White!
08:42Shin's performed in public and no one's called security!
08:44Yes, it's free, so I'm not secretly resentful.
08:47I forgot we're not paying for his kendo.
08:49But does that mean if he wins,
08:50we have to share the prize basket with that kendo guy?
08:53Oh, hell no!
08:56You're gonna beat this kid, aren't you, Billy?
08:58Yes, master.
08:59Because if you don't, I'll break your fingers.
09:01Then I'll sell you to that rich girl for her basement fights
09:03like I sold the Latvian twins.
09:05And after her bodyguard rips off your jaw
09:07and you're a screaming, bloody mess,
09:09you'll be grateful when I stab you in the heart.
09:11Thank you, master.
09:12The next fly vessel awaits, my lord.
09:14Wait, I mean, ain't this free food pig nose got us?
09:18Stolen flavor.
09:20Round one, fight!
09:22I gotta crush this kid.
09:23No rich girl's gonna wear my jaw as a tiara.
09:29Oh, crap! I got rice ball stuck in my throat!
09:32I can't breathe! Too much balls!
09:35He dodged without looking!
09:37Brilliant, Dildor.
09:39Let's see you dodge this one, bitch boy!
09:41Need to swallow.
09:43How's he doing that?
09:45Bad balls! Bad balls!
09:47Help!
09:48Reminds me of cheap whores.
09:49Not too pretty, but gets the job done.
09:51Look, if Dildor ate that food you stole,
09:53it must be cheap's will.
09:54There's the right pipe.
09:56Now we can fight.
09:59One point for Red!
10:00I made that kid! He came from my sperm!
10:02So, uh, why are you training this kid for free
10:04if you can't afford to buy food?
10:06The divine leave meals in several places.
10:08Round two, bring it!
10:10Last chance to save myself.
10:11Be brutal, Billy!
10:14He's... he's thinking!
10:16Red, point and match!
10:18My boy!
10:19Now, Hero, half his genes are for me,
10:21and considering who wins all our semi-joking fights,
10:23it's clear he gets his toughness.
10:25Let me dream.
10:27Why?
10:29Time for pain.
10:31You hurt me, Billy.
10:32Do you want me to be the laughingstock
10:34of the whole kidnapping children for cage fights community?
10:36I'm sorry, Master.
10:38But what community?
10:39You complain you're the only one doing it.
10:41Good entrepreneurs think in the future tense, Billy!
10:43Huh? Huh?
10:45Unhand him, Sabius.
10:47Pussy, pussy, pussy, pussy, pussy.
10:49Be quiet, drone.
10:51Hold on. You never speak out loud.
10:53I don't know what you're suggesting,
10:55but I've had enough of your babbling baloney talk.
10:57See me grabbing this sword?
10:59Boys, this is the way to beat a man to death with a stick.
11:02Set the fly to the pussy.
11:08This is it, General Sabius.
11:10I know you've taunted me for decades,
11:12ever since I first saw you buzzing around my own stool.
11:14That same stool Slaughterous made me eat
11:16as punishment for defecating in my sandpaper loincloth
11:18when I was two.
11:20Pussy!
11:22Pussy, pussy, pussy, pussy!
11:24But teaching Dildor has opened my eyes,
11:26and I fear you no longer!
11:28Pussy!
11:30Now listen well, messenger.
11:32Tell the fly lord we're coming!
11:34Tell the fly lord we're coming!
11:38You're crazy!
11:40Totally crazy!
11:46Hooray, free at last.
11:48The days of my face being a chew toy are over.
11:50Now if we only knew where we'd find our next meal.
11:52Are you really orphans?
11:54Unless we can find our parents, that is.
11:56Don't bother.
11:58I'm sure they've forgotten you.
12:00I'm an orphan too, you know.
12:02I'm sure there were maggots in your brains.
12:04He's kind of weird.
12:06Nice, though. Maybe he could be our master and feed us gruel.
12:08Maybe so.
12:10I think he's brave, like the nights we'd tell stories
12:12about when we were locked in our kennel.
12:14Vlark! Why did I step in?
12:16Whose feces are these?
12:18Okay, so he's nuts.
12:20Extra powder sugar!
12:22Can't believe Shin made it to the finals.
12:24I thought all his skills were gas-related.
12:26Don't you see?
12:28This is the great joy parenting we thought we'd been shafted on.
12:30You're having a second chance to be good at things through your kids.
12:32Next we'll teach Hima to sing.
12:34Hey, I'm good at beer.
12:36So how should I beat this rod-legged guy?
12:38Because I spent most of practice making up songs
12:40instead of learning how to fight.
12:42But you have to admit there were some good tunes in there.
12:44It will take all your might.
12:46He was born to destroy you.
12:48I know a guy who breaks a mean kneecap.
12:50Intriguing. Go on.
12:52Tell him you're not serious, Fair Dildor.
12:54You're the heir of a titan.
12:56And that titan did not rip out a cow uterus
12:58I'm going to purify it with divine spit before impregnating it
13:00so you can resort to dirty tactics.
13:02Yeah, you should be ashamed.
13:04Now tell me you're sorry with chips.
13:06No way!
13:08Gotcha.
13:10I bet I surprised you with that catch.
13:12Plot device!
13:16All right, boys.
13:18Welcome to the big ticket.
13:20Now bow.
13:22Sorry we have to fight.
13:24Well, I'm sorry you have to lose.
13:26And I'm sorry you're delusional
13:28since I'm clearly better trained and motivated.
13:30I'm sorry I'll beat you for no good reason.
13:32And it's sad since anyone who wears backwards undies
13:34is the kind of guy I could otherwise support.
13:36Would you shut up and get to the bloodshed?
13:38Fight!
13:40Soon I'll be so famous, Mama and Papa will undoubtedly find me.
13:42Either them or a secretly barren movie star.
13:46What? His sword!
13:50Red! One point!
13:52Hey!
13:54He scored the first hit in the finals.
13:56One more and he wins the whole fucking caboodle.
13:58You realize what this can mean for me?
14:00I mean you. I mean for you.
14:02Instead of the F word, you should try saying what?
14:04I'm the winner. I'm the winner.
14:06Winner kind of sounds like wiener.
14:08Get to your line. I don't condone dance.
14:10He's gotten one point. Good for him.
14:12Round two. Kick ass.
14:14He won't get a second.
14:16Not against my patented severe orphan desperation technique.
14:18Whoa! He's become a bird!
14:24Foul storm of evil.
14:28I worked too hard for this. I can't lose.
14:30No, the bat's too powerful.
14:32But when I duck into it, I kind of sound like Doug Bader.
14:42Blah!
14:50White. One point.
14:52White. One point.
14:54My Dildo's fallen!
14:56He knocked him out.
14:58I'll kill that prick.
15:00He's put him to sleep with his warlock magic.
15:02Yeah, either that or the giant blow to the head.
15:04We allow 20 minutes for medical timeouts
15:06and only end fights early if there's a death.
15:08So if he's not ready, we'll have to euthanize him.
15:10It's all in the fine print.
15:12Dildoicide!
15:14Mr. Salmon's a dick!
15:16You weren't dreaming, Dildor.
15:18But how'd I get here? And why'd I pee on myself?
15:20Rodlet has shown us the full gruesome powers
15:22that were born when the Fly Lord and his sister
15:24intertwined their filthy insect privates.
15:26Even in his maggot form,
15:28burrowed like a coward into this orphan boy's brain,
15:30Rodlet wields the sword with a strength
15:32and sorcery I've never seen.
15:34He commands the wind, Dildor.
15:36This is the horrific might of your dark opposite,
15:38the son of flies, the bastard incestuous.
15:40This is how he means to destroy our Messiah
15:42and doom us all to eternal bug slavery.
15:46Seriously, how does he do that attack?
15:48If I was a totally whacked-out-of-my-mind crazy person,
15:50I might think it was a magical power.
15:52It must have been those three years of underwater training.
15:54He still thinks if he works hard,
15:56he can see his parents again.
15:58Idiot.
16:00Are you sure we don't need to euthanize?
16:02Yes. Dildor can fight.
16:04Might need new pants, though.
16:06Bee stings tend to jab my thighs after a while.
16:08You're in luck, little buddy.
16:10They may look funny, but they'll do you right.
16:12Oh, clown pants. Can they juggle?
16:14I've seen those polka dots before.
16:18Did that rep say something about euthanasia?
16:20I did.
16:22Look, there he is.
16:24Good. I knew we didn't need to worry.
16:26But why is he wearing clown pants?
16:28Please tell me those aren't Mr. Peebles's.
16:30Next point wins it all.
16:32Fame, a plastic trophy, and a prize basket
16:34with a generous assortment of hams and jellies.
16:36Brutal violence, resume.
16:38Mommy and Papa will be so glad to learn I'm alive.
16:40Especially when I give them those jellies.
16:48The fate of the universe is decided now.
16:50Come on, Shen. Make me famous.
17:00He disappeared. How'd he do that?
17:04Clown pants paratrooper attack.
17:08Point and match.
17:10Dildor wins.
17:12He won wearing my trademark pants.
17:14Back to the spotlight, baby.
17:16Dammit, I'm a celebrity mother.
17:18Now that you've won, folks will pay an assload of cash
17:20to have their kids trained at your school, you know.
17:24Clown warrior?
17:26Yes, I'm the old kendo champion of Cascabae.
17:28I've been keeping my eye on you.
17:30Oh, I'm also your dad and I've been down the street your whole life.
17:32My dad? Are you saying you knew I was in that orphanage
17:34being tortured and you never did a thing?
17:36Hey, I was a local celebrity.
17:38It's busy work being the clown warrior.
17:40Hmm.
17:44I needed to win, but I guess it wasn't meant to be.
17:46You can have my trophy and stuff if you want.
17:48I gotta get home for Action Bastard.
17:50My principal's guest starring.
17:52Inch Man teams up with A.B. to fight Hitler.
17:54Clowns, clones, clone.
17:56Wait, do you have a phone? Can you call my parents?
17:58Sorry, bastard time.
18:00Action Bastard, there you stand.
18:02Punching nerds, breaking bones, dumping jinx.
18:04Make them moan.
18:06You think he'll get tired of that show one day?
18:08You think you'll ever get tired of porn?
18:10Seeing that makes me doubt her elimination policy.
18:12I may have been too eager to use that needle.
18:14Hmm.
18:16Now I see your bold gambit, father.
18:18You planted me in that whorefly's nest so I'd learn their plot.
18:20It's not because you didn't love me,
18:22it's because you believed in my power.
18:24Yes, that. That's it.
18:26And today we've crippled their ranks by driving
18:28the son of flies, Rodlet, and his hench maggots
18:30out of these children.
18:32It will take them decades to recover.
18:34Then Dildor will be waiting for them.
18:36I just wish I could help these orphans
18:38who don't have caring fathers like I do.
18:40I'll teach them.
18:42And we'll showcase them to recruit more kids to train with us too.
18:44Train for the war?
18:46Yes, and don't worry about the money side.
18:48I'll handle that.
18:50Too exploitative weeks later...
18:52Strike the body, smash the face.
18:54Strike the body, crush the flies.
18:56Strike the body, snap the spine.
18:58Strike the body, paralyze.
19:00The poor orphans used as fly vessels
19:02will form the core of our army.
19:04We'll have to line up to pay...
19:06I mean pay tithes for the fellowship of Dildor.
19:08You'll build our ground forces here on Earth.
19:10While I join Beazeldrop,
19:12who by now has surely found the Cave of Secrets
19:14and unlocked the portal to Pluto.
19:16And together we'll prepare for the final war
19:18and finally crush the Fly Lord and his slut.
19:20Then Dildor will rip down the Black Shroud
19:22at the universe's edge, slay the Overshadow,
19:24and bathe us all in the Creator Teat's succulent nectar.
19:26You done good, boy.
19:28I might not have had the courage for this trek
19:30if you hadn't encouraged me so, Father.
19:32And thanks for signing that life insur...
19:34I mean autograph and triplicate.
19:36One day those signatures will be sacred word
19:38from your son who helped save the world.
19:42I'm gonna be fuckin' rich.
19:54Good tidings, Dildor.
19:56Shouldn't you be at your school of lies
19:58and irrelevance and lunch?
20:00It's an independent project for arts and crafts.
20:02And besides, I wanna have one last fight
20:04before you leave.
20:06I'd be honored, my lord.
20:24Run real fast and swing left to right attack!
20:26Attack!
20:28You made that easy counter strike!
20:32I should probably stop yelling my move beforehand.
20:34Probably should.
20:42Thanks for teaching me songs and awesome violence!
20:44Thank you for existing
20:46and proving I'm not insane.
20:48You'll join me when you're grown,
20:50after three decades of undocumented mystery.
20:52I'll see you
20:54on the shores of Pluto, my liege.
20:56Whatever you say.
21:00Wade Headgaze!
21:04Wade Nutbrains!
21:06Wade Nomads!
21:08Don't stop!
21:10You knew this would be hard for him.
21:12You've taken an immature boy and made him a messiah.
21:14I don't care if you leave,
21:16but don't step in the poo I just made!
21:18So dirty!
21:20So dirty!
21:22Scantilogical!
21:24At least they're sacred feces.
21:26Well,
21:28guess I'll carry my savior with me.
21:30Thanks to Dildor, we've all realized our destinies
21:32and can look forward to long, happy lives.
21:48Woo!
21:56Woke up late this morning.
21:58A storm was really rolling.
22:00Frogs and dogs were raining from the sky.
22:02Everything seems awkward to me.
22:04Nothing's just as it should be.
22:06If this keeps on, I'm sure I won't get by.
22:08But then I close my eyes
22:10and try to smile.
22:12I know things are bad and getting worse.
22:14But after all this,
22:16I can rest a while.
22:18And then I'll party, party,
22:20party, party, join us, join us,
22:22party, party, join us, join us,
22:24party, party, join us, join us,
22:26shake your day away and you can party, party,
22:28join us, join us, party, party,
22:30join us, join us, party, party, join us,
22:32shake your blues away!
22:36Yo,
22:38break a vacation, huh?!
22:40This body's shaking and it ain't just shaking here.
22:42I see that smile, you're grinning
22:44That's now your grin and ear to ear
22:46Sing this song, you should really sing it clear
22:49Just sing along with us
22:54Party, party, join us, join us
22:56Party, party, join us, join us
22:57Party, party, join us, join us
22:59Shake your day away and you can
23:00Party, party!
23:02Oh, I'm bad for truth
23:04Party!
23:05Brand old party it is
23:07Party, party!