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Lucio Buffalmano is a sociologist and a world expert on power dynamics, strategies, and men's self-development.

In 2016, Lucio founded ThePowerMoves.com to help good men empower themselves, achieve their goals, and win at life.
Today, it’s the world's most popular website on power and strategies.

https://thepowermoves.com/

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Transcript
00:00Hi, you're about to learn my proven system for achieving top 10% confidence and self-esteem.
00:06My name is Lucio Bufalmano, founder of The Power Moves, and our flagship course delivered a 700%
00:13increase in confidence. If a 700% improvement is interesting for you, then listen out.
00:19First off, difference between confidence and self-esteem. Confidence is more about dependent
00:25on the situation, self-esteem is more foundational. In this video we will talk
00:29more about the foundational self-esteem, however the two are interrelated.
00:34Introducing the pyramid of confidence. Don't worry, I know it looks freaking complex,
00:39however it's much simpler than it looks, so let me quickly describe it for you.
00:44At the top we have everything that you can control more easily, such as behavior and results. Yes,
00:50you cannot always control it so easily, however they're still practical. Below here we have more
00:57what happens at a mental level, and the lower we go, the more we enter into the subconscious.
01:02So in this lesson I want to focus mostly on the subconscious part.
01:05The left side here lists what stand in the way of high self-esteem,
01:10and on this side we have the exercises you can do. Among the issues we have conditioning,
01:15such as what your parents taught you, toxic or belief, toxic shame, especially the anxious
01:20attachment style, traumas slash fears, approval seeking and helplessness. All of these impact
01:26the various sub-facets of self-esteem, which include self-acceptance, which at the higher
01:31level become self-love, self-trust and self-respect. I want to start with self-acceptance because I
01:37believe it's the most foundational. And to make this as practical as possible,
01:41we're gonna jump right away to the exercises you can do for self-acceptance. Now, if you're a guy,
01:46let me warn you, these can sound a little bit not very masculine effeminate, and back in the days
01:52we could have called them gay. However, please don't let that stop you, don't think that way,
01:57because these are foundational for you to flourishing as a man. The most popular that
02:01you will often hear online are about standing in front of a mirror, sometimes naked, and telling
02:06yourself, I love you. I told you that they sound a little bit weird, but still that exercise is
02:12actually good. The only limitation with that is that you standing in front of a mirror is you as
02:18an adult. Ideally here, we want to heal the wounds that you had as a child. So personally, I recommend
02:24and advise that you start with meditation. Ideal of the ideal is a picture of you as a child, when
02:30you look happy but naive. We want to heal and protect that baby within you. So you sit down,
02:37meditate, and after a while, when you're relaxed, you start thinking about yourself as a child.
02:43Hug yourself, tell yourself that you love yourself, that you will be there for you. This type of
02:48exercise is particularly useful for every one of you who hasn't had much love growing up. Keep in
02:55mind that often people think of having had enough love just because they had normal parents who
03:01didn't beat them up. However, lack of love is much more common. Common issues with maternal love are
03:07about conditional love. For example, with tiger parents, it's I love you if you are successful,
03:14good in school, and make me proud. For somebody else, it could be I'm proud of you as long as you
03:20go in the army, or for my father it was as long as you go in the navy like he did. And there can
03:26be many of these situations. So that type of exercise is going to be extremely helpful. After
03:32you loved yourself as a child, you can start with the present one. Standing in front of a mirror is
03:37okay, or you can still do it while meditating. Personally, I prefer and recommend while
03:42meditating. Now, we went from the past to the present. Next, I want you to go to the future.
03:48I want you to imagine alone, or even worse, with some family, but they're only there for what you
03:54leave them, for the dowry. And here it may be worth reminding that the ideal that you have
04:00your loving family while you die, for many of us the reality is that it's a Disney dream. However,
04:07the beautiful thing is that as long as you have your own love, you don't need anybody. So think
04:12about yourself in your deathbed. Nobody's there, or the people who are there don't care about you.
04:18And that's okay, because you will extend your own love and compassion for dying you. Once you reach
04:26a good level with self-acceptance and self-love, you will not need anybody. It's complete mental
04:33power and freedom. And it's beautiful. Now, you can do more with the present you, but while you
04:39accept and love yourself, you think about all your defects, whatever you don't like about yourself.
04:46Maybe you're short, maybe you're bold, or maybe you're not that smart, or whatever. You include
04:52your defects, and you love despite of them in the beginning, and then you love including them,
04:59and then you may reach the next step. You love yourself because of them. Extend yourself
05:05compassion. You're okay as you are. You love yourself as you are because of who you are. Now,
05:11a quick warning I want to make here for many cases. Ideally, you want to work on yourself
05:16and your own self-development. Yes, you want to love yourself as you are. However, some people
05:21are assholes, and I don't want you to love yourself in your asshole form. That's why
05:28general self-development always goes hand in hand with these exercises. You develop yourself,
05:34you stop manipulating, you stop playing power moves, you uplift people, and then you have real
05:40good reason to truly accept and love yourself. Next level we have maybe we can talk about traumas
05:47and fears. Now, not everybody has traumas, so don't run to therapy, but some people have them, in which
05:53case therapy can be very helpful. Common fears instead include fear of rejections, fear of
05:59aggression, fear of confrontations, and these often cluster with the people-pleasing personality,
06:05in vernacular, the too nice guy. Good approaches for this one include exposure therapy, such as
06:12you get exposed yourself to the thing you fear. Some people are also afraid of physical confrontation,
06:18so in these cases behavior, such as going to a dojo, learning martial arts, boxing, or whatever,
06:24can be very helpful. And yes, usually behavior struggles to fix everything at the subconscious
06:31level, but in this case it's very helpful. For other fears, such as strong emotion, you can actually
06:37go through a type of therapy where people can yell at you, and you just stand there and you reply
06:42calmly. Get a lot of people yelling at you, eventually you will not be so scared anymore.
06:47Other interesting issues here are toxic shame and inherited shame. Not many have it, however,
06:53those who have it, it truly prevents them from reaching the top 10% of self-esteem. One interesting
06:59example of inherited shame was actually from the book Sapiens. It's a wonderful book, however,
07:04if you read it, you will realize that the author often references what we did poorly in the past,
07:11and the frame is that we should feel bad as individual homo sapiens for what old homo sapiens
07:18did. So the frame there becomes, this is what your ancestors did, don't you feel bad about it?
07:25And the empowered man answer is, fuck no. Look, this goes both in the positive and in the negative
07:32way. In the negative way, it means you cannot take any pride or any credit for the good that
07:37the past people did. However, on the positive side, you are not guilty for anything they did.
07:43Remember, you're an individual, it's always more empowering to look at yourself as an individual,
07:48so don't take any credit for what others did, but also don't take the blame. Similar is for
07:53collective shame, which is what most recent individuals did in your country's history,
07:58for example, or what the current one do. I don't know, some Americans may feel guilty when they
08:02go abroad, because some countries have issues with Americans. A common one in Germany is for
08:08people to feel guilty about the Nazi in their past, to which again the only answer to that is
08:13fuck that. Some people do some bad things, some people do some great things. Why should you choose
08:19to adopt the worst things that people did? You are one person, you have nothing to do with your
08:26country. At the higher level, you can feel great about the great things human did and reject the
08:32bad side. But as a beginner, it's simpler to just reject both. Look at yourself as an individual.
08:40It's more empowering for you, for what you're going to achieve and for how you feel. Another
08:45interesting one here is approval seeking and it's about emotional power dynamics. On The Power Moves
08:52we call it the judge role, such as you seek the approval of a judge, with somebody who is powerful,
08:58successful or somebody who was important in your life. Often it's a parent, but not always. The first
09:04step to curing this is realizing that you are seeking someone's approval. Sometimes it's easier
09:10to realize it because you just want others to like you, but some other times it's not as easy
09:16because we don't always seek their approval, but we just seek their company. Or some other times
09:21we do the opposite, whatever they will disapprove of. This is the typical rebel behavior of the
09:27teenager, but some people keep doing it also as adults. Some other times we don't even seek the
09:32approval of a specific person, but we seek the approval of a specific group. This is why also we
09:39at The Power Moves often recommend that you develop yourself as an individual first before joining a
09:44group. There are several issues with groups, often many of them are led by dark-triad individuals
09:50that do not want your empowerment. However, talking about approval seeking, when you're part of a group
09:55it's human nature that you want to increase your status, protect your status and to do that you
10:01need the approval of the group. Some other times we seek the approval of the collective of people
10:06and this is why some people end up in professions that they don't like, but just because their
10:12parents or society approves and likes them. For a very quick overview this can be enough. Start with
10:17these exercises and you will see your self-esteem will start improving day by day. I've done several
10:23of those and they were fantastic. Personally I've overcome what I felt was a lack of maternal love,
10:29I've also overcome my phobia, for me it was of water. Little by little I learned swimming and
10:34I'm laughing because it was a 30 year old going there with life preservers here in a super small
10:40pool, but I did it and I used to have nightmares about floods. Little by little those nightmares
10:48started to change. It was not me being helpless, but it was me seeking for solution or thinking
10:54how could I swim it through. And today I can't even remember the last time I had a nightmare
10:59slash dream about floods. If any of this was any helpful we have much more and many more exercises
11:06in Confidence University, both at the subconscious level and even more at all these other levels.
11:11We combine high power mindsets and beliefs with those that are anti-fragile. As you've seen we
11:17start from the bottom addressing the more foundational issues and then we build little
11:22by little until you will get concrete real-life results and you will go through life respecting
11:27yourself, loving yourself and with a confidence and self-esteem of a top 10% and maybe even top
11:331% man. Check the link in the description and I'll see you in the next video. See you guys, ciao ciao, cheers!