Join over 3,000 men becoming life winners with ThePowerMoves.com.
Lucio Buffalmano is a sociologist and a world expert on power dynamics, strategies, and men's self-development.
In 2016, Lucio founded ThePowerMoves.com to help good men empower themselves, achieve their goals, and win at life.
Today, it’s the world's most popular website on power and strategies.
https://thepowermoves.com/
Lucio Buffalmano is a sociologist and a world expert on power dynamics, strategies, and men's self-development.
In 2016, Lucio founded ThePowerMoves.com to help good men empower themselves, achieve their goals, and win at life.
Today, it’s the world's most popular website on power and strategies.
https://thepowermoves.com/
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LearningTranscript
00:00Hi, you're about to learn my proven system for achieving top 10% confidence and self-esteem.
00:06My name is Lucio Bufalmano, founder of The Power Moves, and our flagship course delivered a 700%
00:13increase in confidence. If a 700% improvement is interesting for you, then listen out.
00:19First off, difference between confidence and self-esteem. Confidence is more about dependent
00:25on the situation, self-esteem is more foundational. In this video we will talk
00:29more about the foundational self-esteem, however the two are interrelated.
00:34Second, you may wonder how do you even measure the 700% increase? And if you ask that question,
00:40good, I'm glad you do. Never trust what people say on YouTube videos. We measure the improvement
00:46with a self-report questionnaire. And usually, I do not trust questionnaire in the least. However,
00:52in the case of confidence and self-esteem, it's different because they are more about how you
00:57feel. So a questionnaire where people describe how they feel is relevant and valid for self-esteem
01:04and confidence. Introducing the pyramid of confidence. Don't worry, I know it looks freaking
01:09complex. However, it's much simpler than it looks. So let me quickly describe it for you.
01:14At the top, we have everything that you can control more easily, such as behavior and
01:19results. Yes, results, you cannot always control it so easily. However, they're still practical.
01:26Below here, we have more what happens at a mental level. And the lower we go,
01:30the more we enter into the subconscious. So in this lesson, I want to focus mostly
01:35on the subconscious part. The left side here lists what stand in the way of high self-esteem.
01:40And on this side, we have the exercises you can do. Among the issues, we have conditioning,
01:45such as what your parent taught to you, toxic or belief, toxic shame, especially the anxious
01:50attachment style, traumas slash fears, approval seeking and helplessness. All of these impact the
01:57various sub-facets of self-esteem, which include self-acceptance, which at the higher level become
02:03self-love, self-trust and self-respect. I want to start with self-acceptance because I believe
02:08it's the most foundational. And to make this as practical as possible, we're going to jump
02:12right away to the exercises you can do for self-acceptance. Now, if you're a guy, let me
02:17warn you, these can sound a little bit, not very masculine, effeminate. And back in the days,
02:23we could have called them gay. However, please don't let that stop you. Don't think that way
02:28because these are foundational for you to flourishing as a man. The most popular that
02:32you will often hear online are about standing in front of a mirror, sometimes naked and telling
02:37yourself, I love you. I told you that they sound a little bit weird, but still that exercise is
02:43actually good. The only limitation with that is that you standing in front of a mirror is you
02:48as an adult. Ideally here, we want to heal the wounds that you had as a child. So personally,
02:54I recommend and advise that you start with meditation. Ideal of the ideal is a picture
02:59of you as a child. When you look happy, but naive, we want to heal and protect that baby within you.
03:07So you sit down, meditate. And after a while, when you're relaxed, you start thinking about
03:12yourself as a child, hug yourself, tell yourself that you love yourself, that you will be there
03:17for you. This type of exercise is particularly useful for every one of you who hasn't had much
03:24love growing up. Keep in mind that often people think of having had enough love just because they
03:30had normal parents who didn't beat them up. However, lack of love is much more common. Common
03:36issues with maternal love are about conditional love. For example, with tiger parents, it's
03:42I love you. If you're successful, good in school and make me proud. For somebody else, it could be
03:49I'm proud of you as long as you go in the army. Or for my father, it was as long as you go in the
03:55Navy like he did. And there can be many of these situations. So that type of exercise is going to
04:00be extremely helpful. After you loved yourself as a child, you can start with the present one.
04:06Standing in front of a mirror is okay. Or you can still do it while meditating. Personally,
04:11I prefer and recommend while meditating. Now we went from the past to the present. Next,
04:16I want you to go to the future. I want you to imagine alone or even worse with some family,
04:23but they're only there for what you leave them for the dowry. And here it may be worth reminding
04:29that the ideal that you have your loving family while you die, for many of us, the reality is that
04:35it's a Disney dream. However, the beautiful thing is that as long as you have your own love, you
04:41don't need anybody. So think about yourself in your deathbed. Nobody's there or the people were
04:47there don't care about you. And that's okay, because you will extend your own love and compassion
04:54for dying you. Once you reach a good level with self acceptance and self love, you will not
05:01need anybody. It's complete mental power and freedom. And it's beautiful. Now you can do more
05:08with the present you. But while you accept and love yourself, you think about all your defects,
05:15whatever you don't like about yourself. Maybe you're short, maybe you're bold, or maybe you're
05:20not that smart, or whatever. You include your defects, and you love despite of them in the
05:26beginning, and then you love including them. And then you may reach the next step, you love yourself
05:33because of them. Extend yourself compassion, you're okay as you are, you love yourself as you are
05:40because of who you are. Now a quick warning I want to make here for many cases, ideally, you want to
05:46work on yourself and your own self development. Yes, you want to love yourself as you are. However,
05:52some people are assholes. And I don't want you to love yourself in your asshole form. That's why
05:59general self development always goes hand in hand with these exercises. You develop yourself,
06:05you stop manipulating, you stop playing power moves, you uplift people, and then you have real
06:11good reason to truly accept and love yourself. Next level we have, maybe we can talk about
06:17traumas and fears. Now not everybody has traumas, so don't run to therapy, but some people have them,
06:23in which case therapy can be very helpful. Common fears instead include fear of rejections,
06:29fear of aggression, fear of confrontations, and these often cluster with the people pleasing
06:35personality, in vernacular, the too nice guy. Good approaches for this one include exposure
06:41therapy, such as you get exposed yourself to the thing you fear. Some people are also afraid of
06:47physical confrontation. So in these cases behavior, such as going to a dojo or learning martial arts,
06:54boxing or whatever, can be very helpful. And yes, usually behavior struggles to fix everything at
07:01the subconscious level, but in this case it's very helpful. For other fears, such as strong emotion,
07:07you can actually go through a type of therapy where people can yell at you, and you just stand
07:12there and you reply calmly. Get a lot of people yelling at you, eventually you will not be so
07:17scared anymore. Other interesting issues here are toxic shame and inherited shame. Not many have it,
07:24however those who have it, it truly prevents them from reaching the top 10% of self-esteem. One
07:29interesting example of inherited shame was actually from the book Sapiens. It's a wonderful book,
07:34however if you read it, you will realize that the author often references what we did poorly in the
07:41past, and the frame is that we should feel bad as individual homo sapiens for what old homo sapiens
07:49did. So the frame there becomes this is what your ancestors did, don't you feel bad about it?
07:55And the empowered man answer is fuck no. Look, this goes both in the positive and in a negative way.
08:03In the negative way it means you cannot take any pride or any credit for the good that the past
08:08people did, however on the positive side you are not guilty for anything they did. Remember, you
08:14are an individual, it's always more empowering to look at yourself as an individual, so don't take
08:19any credit for what others did, but also don't take the blame. Similar is for collective shame,
08:25which is what most recent individuals did in your country's history for example, or what the
08:30current one do. I don't know, some Americans may feel guilty when they go abroad, because some
08:34countries have issues with Americans. A common one in Germany is for people to feel guilty about the
08:40Nazi in their past, to which again the only answer to that is fuck that. Some people do some bad
08:46things, some people do some great things. Why should you choose to adopt the worst things that people
08:53did? You are one person, you have nothing to do with your country. At the higher level you can feel
09:00great about the great things a human did and reject the bad side, but as a beginner it's simpler to
09:06just reject both. Look at yourself as an individual, it's more empowering for you, for what you're going
09:14to achieve and for how you feel. Another interesting one here is approval seeking and it's about
09:20emotional power dynamics. On The Power Moves we call it the judge role, such as you seek the
09:25approval of a judge, with somebody who is powerful, successful or somebody who was important in your
09:32life. Often it's apparent, but not always. The first step to curing this is realizing that you
09:38are seeking someone's approval. Sometimes it's easier to realize it because you just want others
09:43to like you, but some other times it's not as easy because we don't always seek their approval, but
09:49we just seek their company. Or some other times we do the opposite, whatever they will disapprove
09:55of. This is the typical rebel behavior of the teenager, but some people keep doing it also as
10:00adults. Some other times we don't even seek the approval of a specific person, but we seek the
10:05approval of a specific group. This is why also we at The Power Moves often recommend that you develop
10:12yourself as an individual first before joining a group. There are several issues with groups,
10:18often many of them are led by dark-triad individuals that do not want your empowerment.
10:23However, talking about approval seeking, when you're part of a group it's human in nature
10:28that you want to increase your status, protect your status and to do that you need the approval
10:33of the group. Some other times we seek the approval of the collective of people and this is why some
10:38people end up in professions that they don't like, but just because their parents or society approves
10:44and likes them. For a very quick overview this can be enough. Start with these exercises and you
10:50will see your self-esteem will start improving day by day. I've done several of those and they
10:55were fantastic. Personally I've overcome what I felt was a lack of maternal love. I've also
11:00overcome a phobia, for me it was of water. Little by little I learned swimming and I'm laughing
11:06because it was a 30 year old going there with life preservers here in a super small pool, but
11:13I did it and I used to have nightmares about floods. Little by little those nightmares started
11:19to change. It was not me being helpless, but it was me seeking for solution or thinking how could
11:25I swim it through. And today I can't even remember the last time I had a nightmare slash dream about
11:32floods. If any of this was any helpful we have much more and many more exercises in Confidence
11:37University, both at the subconscious level and even more at all these other levels. We combine
11:43high power mindsets and beliefs with those that are anti-fragile. As you've seen we start from
11:48the bottom addressing the more foundational issues and then we build little by little until
11:54you will get concrete real life results and you will go through life respecting yourself,
11:59loving yourself and with the confidence and self-esteem of a top 10% and maybe even top 1% man.
12:05Check the link in the description and I'll see you in the next video. See you guys. Ciao, ciao. Cheers.