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Lucio Buffalmano is a sociologist and global authority on power dynamics and men’s self-development.
He founded ThePowerMoves in 2016 to help good men win—without becoming as*holes.
Today, TPM is the #1 site for mastering power, strategies, and winning at life.
https://thepowermoves.com/
Lucio Buffalmano is a sociologist and global authority on power dynamics and men’s self-development.
He founded ThePowerMoves in 2016 to help good men win—without becoming as*holes.
Today, TPM is the #1 site for mastering power, strategies, and winning at life.
https://thepowermoves.com/
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LearningTranscript
00:00For many men, Don Draper is the epitome of confidence and masculinity.
00:04But what most men don't realize is that you can easily be more masculine and confident
00:09if you just follow a few foundational rules.
00:13So in this video we analyze Don Draper's secrets to be more confident and masculine.
00:18Master these simple rules and you can go from nervous to completely confident in any situation.
00:25Obviously Don is a very attractive man and that helps.
00:28But anyone can remove his unconfident behavior and adopt a more confident one.
00:33For example, low confidence people are afraid of moving around so they stay put and they
00:39take as little space as possible, call them wallflowers.
00:44Don Draper does the opposite, he moves around freely, acts like a boss everywhere and he
00:48spreads out.
00:50This is crucial because moving freely subcommunicates high status and spreading out subcommunicates
00:56confidence and social power.
00:58You don't need to overdo it, but for example you can put an arm around a chair next to
01:04you, place both arms on the armchair or manspread just a little bit.
01:09Eye contact is another secret weapon of Don Draper and something you can also learn from.
01:15The common advice to look at people in the eyes is solid when you're too shy, but you
01:20must move beyond beginner's advice if you want to join the top 1%.
01:25So Don Draper breaks their rule and often looks away and that subcommunicates a certain
01:31disdain and superiority.
01:34But he tempers it with a polished image and professional demeanor so this is all covert.
01:40He never comes across as rude or aggressive, but the subcommunication is still there.
01:45Don Draper acts from a frame of being above you.
01:50Less confident and power aware man will buy into that frame until it becomes reality.
01:56This is also an important lesson guys, you must also be careful to defend yourself lest
02:02you become everyone's subordinate.
02:06Now pay attention.
02:07The other secret of advanced players such as Don Draper is that they break their own
02:13rules to best fit the situation and their goals.
02:16The best players are chameleons.
02:19In a way this is unlucky because most beginners wish there were simple secret laws that they
02:24could just apply in any situation.
02:27But Don shows us that top men change behavior to fit the situation and their goal.
02:32So he smoothly moves from looking away to piercing eye contact when he needs to make
02:38a point.
02:39That makes the contrast all the stronger and he comes across as very charismatic.
02:44Women are related to finally have school attention and men slightly flustered.
02:50Same for eye contact, Don Draper is detached and aloof when dealing with others and that
02:55is all strategic.
02:57He invests little to leverage the law of social effort.
03:01The law says that you're more powerful when you get more while exerting less effort.
03:07That is social ROI and Don Draper is a master at compelling others to expend more effort
03:14in the interaction.
03:16For example he does it by leaning back which signals that he doesn't need others and that
03:22they have to work for his attention.
03:24He speaks softly, he speaks low which forces others to be extra attentive and he speaks
03:31little which puts pressure on others to fill in the silences.
03:36That's the effect of social pressure.
03:38Speaking of which, it's the person who puts pressure on others who has more power.
03:44And when you carry yourself with Don's confidence, you don't even need any words.
03:49Your sole presence with your confidence makes less confident men slightly nervous and that
03:55in itself is a statement as to who's the more powerful man in the room.
04:00That comes natural to alpha male types such as Don, but it's also something you can learn.
04:06And the same goes for emotional stoicism.
04:09You can also strategically display emotional stoicism, Don Draper does so himself.
04:17For example, Madman takes place during the Cuban Missile Crisis.
04:21With the world on the verge of nuclear war, most people would be all over the emotional
04:26map, discussing the news and forgetting about the work.
04:29But notice how Don purposefully makes light of the possibility of death and notice how
04:34he delivers it.
04:35It's with a neutral tone and quickly moving on right after it.
04:50That is the approach of the masculine man who focuses on what he can control.
04:56Don cannot directly control the war, but he can influence the world around him, he
05:01can influence his office, the power dynamics in there, his big next client, his next seduction
05:06target, his next great ad campaign and how much he makes.
05:10So that's where his focus goes.
05:14Even in his emotional displays across the series, Don Draper maintains a certain masculine
05:20dignity about it.
05:22See, for example, how he reacts when Peggy quits on him.
05:40This is what many guys don't get.
05:43Emotional vulnerability is a trap unless you can make it while still being masculine.
05:50Being masculine is huge, by the way, but by itself is not enough.
05:55You must also be good with the foundations of power dynamics, such as behaving high power,
06:02something that Don Draper is a master of.
06:05Many men miss this because they confuse high power with having a high rank, so they think
06:11that if they start as simple employees, then they're naturally and intrinsically low power.
06:17But albeit there is obviously a certain overlap between rank and power, the two are far from
06:22the same.
06:23High power men are high power even when they're lower rank.
06:28Take this example, Don Draper can execute tasks from his superior while still being
06:34high power.
06:36Don, I want you to go in and ride bareback over Paul here.
06:39Don...
06:42And that makes the difference between the eternal flunky and the man on the way up.
06:48When you learn high power behavior, you will always get respect and status, even when you're
06:53not the top dog.
06:55That is why Don Draper is the man of the show, albeit he's not owner or CEO.
07:00Finally, Don Draper also doesn't shy away from showier and bolder power moves.
07:05For example, he may break pattern from his usual aloofness and remind everybody who's
07:11boss with a strong display of yelling dominance.
07:15This is the law of the jungle.
07:18Sometimes you gotta pull rank on others and show who's the man.
07:21Out!
07:22Get out!
07:23Don!
07:24Excuse me?
07:25Get your things and get out of my office, now!
07:27The Don is also not afraid of challenging his own customers and he turns the power tables
07:32on them to make them chase him.
07:36You're happy with your agency?
07:37You're not happy with anything.
07:39You don't want most of it.
07:40You want all of it.
07:41Call it a day.
07:42Gentlemen, thank you for your time.
07:45Is that all?
07:47You're a non-believer.
07:49Why should we waste time on Kabuki?
07:51Sit down.
07:52No.
07:53Not until I know I'm not wasting my time.
07:57Ultimately, the Don is an emblem of confident masculinity because he executes the foundations
08:02of power better than most.
08:05Now, if you're interested in the fastest way I know of acquiring confidence and power,
08:10we put together a program that fast-tracks you to power, status and confidence.
08:15It takes the guesswork out of everything, you just follow the program and you will become
08:21more confident and higher status.
08:24So if you want to fast-track to more confidence, power and social status, you can learn more
08:29with the button on the screen or the link in the description.
08:32More than a thousand men have gone through Power University and our survey data shows
08:38that most of them 10xed their confidence.
08:42That is huge and something we are very proud of.
08:45We see as the result of our work of continuous improvement and the focus on putting out great
08:51content that makes a difference in your life.
08:54Thank you for watching and speak soon.
08:56Ciao ciao!