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FunTranscript
00:00And hold three, two, one.
00:11Very good.
00:14Now let's try warrior two.
00:18And hold.
00:23I've read that there are great yogis who have such mastery over their bodies, they can draw water in through their genitals.
00:39Yeah, well I don't think we're gonna get to do that today.
00:43Too bad.
00:45Seems like a good way to drink a milkshake without getting brain freeze.
00:51Oh, hey.
00:53Now we go to reverse warrior.
01:00How did she get you to do yoga?
01:03Well, to be honest, I thought she said Yoda.
01:08Wait, it's not all pants. There's one shirt.
01:11Oh.
01:12Hey, that's my shirt.
01:13This one is too.
01:14No, that's not mine. That's a big spot on it.
01:17Wait, so does this one.
01:18Maybe the spot's the clue.
01:25Sheldon spot. The clue is in your spot!
01:29Oh, that's clever.
01:31Hurry!
01:32Be there in a minute. I just have to pre-soak these.
01:40Stop her, Leonard! Stop her!
01:51Where the hell's the coin?
01:52Wasn't the answer Sheldon spot?
01:54Oh, yes, Leonard. Yes, it was.
02:00Where's the coin?
02:01Yes, exactly. Where is the coin?
02:06Why don't you look in your pockets?
02:12I slipped them in there earlier today.
02:17I don't get it.
02:19Don't you see?
02:20When we're all having fun together, we're already winners.
02:24Oh, look. See?
02:27Even I'm a winner.
02:31Are you kidding me?
02:34That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
02:38You suck. So hot.
02:41Water would be great.
02:42Okay.
02:43Um, you're Lucy, right? I'm a friend of Raj Koothrappali's.
02:47Actually, Amy recognized you.
02:56Wow. How's he doing?
02:58Oh, you know, he's good.
03:00Great.
03:01Yeah, this is none of my business, but why did you break up with him in an email?
03:07Oh, I don't know. I guess I thought it would be easier.
03:11Yeah, I get that. I'll go get you your water.
03:16When you say easier, you mean easier for you, right?
03:21Because it certainly didn't make it easier for him.
03:24Any chance I can get a different waitress?
03:28I'm sorry. This is rude of me. I will get you that water.
03:32See? See? See? See?
03:34Just now, you expressed your feelings to my face.
03:36How come you could do that with me, but not with Raj?
03:38I don't know your email.
03:42You know what the worst part is?
03:43You're sitting here, perfectly happy, and he's at home, a blubbering mess.
03:46I thought you said he was okay.
03:48Well, I also said I was getting you water, but look at me, still standing here.
03:52You know, I may be a bad waitress, but you are a bad person.
03:56You want to hear the specials?
04:02Arthur passing away was harder on Sheldon than he's ready to admit.
04:05I'm really hoping this will cheer him up.
04:07Me too. Although it might have been thoughtless of us to bake a Death Star cake.
04:13No, it combines two of Sheldon's favorite things.
04:16Chocolate chips and the ability to destroy a planet at the push of a button.
04:21Well, anyway, it'll be a nice surprise for the boys.
04:24And Howie doesn't think I take his interest seriously,
04:26so hopefully this will keep him fooled for a while.
04:30Okay, let's get the fondant and start decorating.
04:33This is pretty cool. You don't see too many spherical cakes.
04:40I wonder why that is.
04:45Hey, guys.
04:46Happy Star Wars Day!
04:48Wow! A Death Star cake!
04:52We were hoping it might cheer you up.
04:54And even though it meant we had to miss the movies, we could still be part of the fun.
04:57No, you didn't miss anything. We just started over.
05:00Son of a bitch.
05:02Hi.
05:03Hey, guys.
05:04Look who's here to put the Jew in jewelry night.
05:10Yeah, sure. So it's fine when you say it.
05:14Sorry we're late. Wanted to swing by the lab and pick up some even cooler tools for us to use.
05:19I didn't know you were coming again.
05:20This week was a blast.
05:21Plus, I thought you might like having a guy here.
05:28It was not funny.
05:31So what tools did you bring?
05:32Everything we need to make jewelry molds.
05:34Here's some silver, a crucible, and an acetylene torch to melt it down.
05:38Ooh, that looks like fun.
05:40Maybe you should master glue before you move on to fire.
05:44Okay, who's up first?
05:46Rajesh, do you want to make a bracelet for your mom to go with the necklace?
05:49No, thanks.
05:50I was going to make a necklace for my mom, but unfortunately she doesn't have a neck.
05:56She has just chins and fat and feet.
06:03Leonard, do you think I'm funny?
06:05No.
06:10Do you?
06:11I think I'm hysterical.
06:15I take it back.
06:16That was funny.
06:19The philosopher Henri Bergson says it's funny when a human being behaves like an object.
06:26I bet that meant killed at the chuckle hut.
06:30Oh, he didn't perform stand-up comedy.
06:32He was a philosopher.
06:36I think we're zeroing in on your problem.
06:40Perhaps I'll spend some time developing a unified theory of comedy,
06:44which will allow me to elicit laughter from anyone at any time.
06:48Unless they're German, because that's a tough crowd.
06:54Are you set on people laughing with you?
06:56Because if you're cool with at you.
07:02This is interesting.
07:04Apparently, a key component in some forms of humor is the element of surprise.
07:10Well, that makes sense.
07:12The prefrontal cortex is responsible for planning and anticipation and patients with brain lesions...
07:17Brain lesions!
07:25Sheldon, you scared me.
07:26That wasn't funny.
07:28Maybe you have a stick up your prefrontal cortex.
07:33The notion that you can read a few books and come up with a definitive theory of comedy is absurd.
07:39Humor is a complex neurological...
07:47Okay, that's pretty good.
07:50Can he really quit the Cheesecake Factory?
07:52Yeah.
07:53What is she doing today?
07:54I don't know.
07:55She already thinks I don't support this, so if I call it might look like I'm checking up on him.
07:59Do you support this?
08:00Of course I do.
08:01She's a great actress.
08:03I'm proud she's taking this risk.
08:05That's nice.
08:06You bought that?
08:07Great.
08:11Gotta call her before I forget how I said it.
08:15Hey!
08:16Hi, what's up?
08:17How's it going?
08:18You taking Hollywood by storm?
08:19Actually, I'm at the Cheesecake Factory.
08:21You got your job back.
08:22That is great news.
08:23I didn't want to say anything, but you are making the right choice.
08:27To plunge yourself into debt right now would be literally insane.
08:30Yeah, I'm just returning my uniform.
08:35And I support you.
08:38You've come to me because you're my Obi-Wan.
08:44I'm not familiar with that.
08:48Is that an internet?
08:55You're dead, so I'm going to let that slide.
09:00Obi-Wan Kenobi is a character from Star Wars.
09:03After his physical demise, he comes to Luke Skywalker as his mentor in spirit form.
09:10Well, that clears that up.
09:15You must be here to give me advice.
09:24Wow, this is weird.
09:27Most of my robes open in the back.
09:34Those are your Jedi robes.
09:41What is this?
09:44Be careful with that.
09:46Whoa.
09:58How neat.
10:05I'm going to need a bandaid.
10:10What's with all the yelling?
10:12Leonard disproved my element.
10:14All the attention is going to go away.
10:16Oh, that's great. You must be thrilled.
10:18That's it. I'm down to seven friends.
10:22I was counting hobbits and superheroes, right?
10:25When I thought the element was real, I didn't want it.
10:28But now that Leonard made it not exist, I want it more than anything in the world.
10:32The element never existed. I didn't take it away.
10:35Science took it away. Be mad at science.
10:37Don't you dare use science against me.
10:40Science is my best friend.
10:42Oh, good. I'm back up to eight.
10:45Will you tell him he's out of his mind?
10:47Actually, I get what he's saying.
10:48Oh, yes. Nine. Welcome back, buddy.
10:53It's like if you're dating someone you're not that into, and then they break up with you, and then you want them more than ever.
10:58I have no idea what she's talking about, but we're ganging up on you, so I agree.
11:03Okay, Sheldon, what do you want me to do?
11:06Hide the information? If I don't publish it, it's just a matter of time before someone else does.
11:10No, of course you have to publish. That's your responsibility as a scientist.
11:14Doing otherwise would be unethical. You have no choice.
11:17Fine, I'll publish.
11:19Can you believe this guy?
11:21This is fun. I'm going to feel like such a vixen wearing jewelry that doesn't have a list of medications I'm allergic to.
11:27Benny, how's it going over there?
11:29Good. I'm just having a little trouble with the glue.
11:34How do you not know how to use glue? Did you ditch preschool?
11:38Yeah, only because I was dating a second grader.
11:44Hello, everyone.
11:45Okay, let me have it. Let's hear all the Raj is a girl jokes.
11:51No, Bernadette, only it isn't nice, and I'm not allowed.
11:55So I won't be making fun of you, or the things you like, or the fact that you just want to have fun.
12:04Howie, stop. Come on, look at what I'm making.
12:07Hmm, it's actually pretty nice.
12:09I'm making a bracelet.
12:10Yeah, I'm just making a mess.
12:15You know, instead of beads and glue, you guys can use my soldering iron. You'd be able to make much cooler stuff.
12:20Well, I think we're doing just fine, thank you.
12:24Actually, I'd kind of like to try that.
12:26Me too.
12:27I'll be right back.
12:29When did I have pistachios?
12:32Isn't that Professor Proton?
12:34Oh, yeah.
12:38Look at him. He's standing in line like he wasn't moderately famous 30 years ago.
12:45Let's go say hello.
12:46Oh, maybe we shouldn't bother him.
12:48I'm not going to bother him. I'm going to talk to him.
12:52He thinks there's a difference.
12:55Arthur. Arthur, it's me, Sheldon Cooper.
12:58But you may not remember because of your advanced age.
13:03Trust me, I remember.
13:05Wait, this is my girlfriend, Amy.
13:07Amy, this is television legend Arthur Jeffries.
13:10His science show inspired millions of children.
13:14Hold on.
13:16You have a girlfriend?
13:20Yes, and I've heard so much about you.
13:22Hey, look, we're wearing the same orthopedic shoes.
13:27Can't believe I dress like a celebrity.
13:31Okay, I get it now.
13:33Dr. Jeffries, hello again. Leonard Hofstadter.
13:35Oh, right. I remember your girlfriend.
13:40Is she here?
13:44No, she's not.
13:46So what prescription are you getting filled?
13:48Sheldon.
13:49No, wait. I want to guess. Don't tell me.
13:52I wasn't going to tell you.
13:55Sheldon, come on.
13:56No, I'm really good at this. Give me a hint.
13:58Sheldon, come on.
13:59No, I'm really good at this. Give me a hint.
14:01Does it involve difficulty initiating a stream of anything?
14:07Well, given my age, that's more than just a lucky guess.
14:12Hey, Sheldon, let's go mock the people buying homeopathic medicine. You love that.
14:16But I'm hanging out with my friend. We're having fun.
14:19Look how happy he is.
14:24Parsa doesn't have those kind of resources.
14:27No, and that's why he had Aaron Pace rewire him.
14:30So proud of you.
14:31You haven't even gotten to my scene yet.
14:33I know, but you're going to be a TV star and you haven't left me yet. That takes guts.
14:39I don't know about you, but I'm very uncomfortable with all this.
14:42Why?
14:43I've never seen this show before, and now I'm starting with episode 246?
14:50It's unnatural.
14:53Just think of the first 245 as the prequel.
14:57All right.
14:59Okay, shh. Guys, guys, this is it.
15:01I guess it's you and me, kid.
15:04What are you doing?
15:05I'm trying to make peace.
15:07We're good?
15:08Good.
15:09Are you kidding me?
15:10What's wrong?
15:11Well, the diner scene. Where's my diner scene?
15:14Look, don't ask me until I see the prequel. I'm lost.
15:18No, there's supposed to be a big scene with me and Mark Harmon, but it's gone.
15:23What happened?
15:24They must have cut it.
15:26Oh, Penny.
15:29I'm sorry.
15:31Sure you agreed?
15:32This doesn't make any sense to me. I thought I did a really good job.
15:39Excuse me.
15:46I've been studying how to make people laugh.
15:50They say that comedy is tragedy plus time.
15:56Let's tickle some ribs.
16:03Hey, Stuart.
16:06Hey.
16:07Sorry, did I startle you?
16:08Yes, but at this point, pretty much any customer does.
16:13What can I do for you?
16:14Oh, I need a little help.
16:16What can I do for you?
16:17Oh, I need a little help.
16:18I accidentally destroyed one of Howard's comic books this morning, and I was hoping I could replace it.
16:22Wow, what happened?
16:24Batman got his ass kicked by my curling iron.
16:28Don't let the Riddler know that.
16:32It's a comic book joke.
16:36Or maybe it's not.
16:39Do you have this one?
16:40Uh, well, it's pretty rare. Can you give me a few days to track it down?
16:44I was kind of hoping to get it before Howard comes home from work.
16:47What's the hurry?
16:48Well, he's always saying I should be more careful with my curling iron,
16:51and it seems like a dangerous precedent to let him think he can be right.
16:56Well, I'll do what I can, but I can't make any promises.
17:00You know, I do work at a pharmaceutical company.
17:04If you can make this happen today, I can hook you up with anxiety medication, antidepressants.
17:10Really?
17:12Do you have any of these?
17:17I just feel like everything is falling apart.
17:20Come on, it's okay.
17:21No, it's not okay. Look at me, okay?
17:23I took a temp job as a waitress forever ago, and I'm still doing it.
17:27I can't quit, because guess what? I can't do anything else, and I finally get my big break, and it goes away.
17:33I'm such a mess.
17:35No, you're not.
17:36Really? Because this morning at Starbucks, a pair of old underwear fell out of my pant leg.
17:42And it wasn't the only one in there.
17:47Okay, listen to me. This is just a minor setback.
17:51No, it's not, okay? I've been out here for like ten years. I have nothing to show for it.
17:55Well, you have me.
17:58You're right.
18:01I do have you.
18:06Let's get married.
18:09What?
18:17Leonard Hofstadter, will you marry me?
18:22Um...
18:26Did you seriously just say, um?
18:31You know I love you, but you're drunk and sad and feeling lost.
18:36Okay, so you don't want to marry me?
18:38That is not what I said.
18:40No, forget it. I take it back. Offer's off the table.
18:42Who's in the mood to laugh?
18:47I got an email from Professor Proton.
18:49Oh, goody. What's it saying?
18:51He's working on a paper about nanovacuum tubes and wants to know if I'd take a look at it.
18:57That's strange. He would come to you for that and not me.
19:02Oh, I got two emails from him.
19:04Do you have Leonard's email address?
19:10And...
19:11Never mind, I found it.
19:15I can't believe he picked you over me.
19:17You don't want to read a paper by some old has-been who hasn't done any real science in decades.
19:23Yeah, there's nothing to cry about.
19:25Sheldon Cooper does not cry.
19:27It's true. You'd rust.
19:29When Obi-Wan came to Luke on this very spot, he gave him all sorts of helpful advice.
19:35So, um...
19:38What do you got for me?
19:43Um...
19:45Always...
19:48Get a prenup.
19:51Always...
19:54Get a prenup.
20:00That's it?
20:02I thought there'd be more of a reason why you're here.
20:05Well, why do you think I'm here?
20:09I suppose it has something to do with your recent passing.
20:13Is this the first time you've lost, you know, someone close to you?
20:18Oh, no.
20:20No, I've already had to say goodbye to 11 Dr. Who's.
20:27Yeah, I've outlived a few of my doctors, too.
20:32Oh, hey, Sheldon.
20:34Hello.
20:42You okay?
20:44I'm on vacation. What do you think?
20:48Why are you sitting in the stairwell?
20:51Leonard told me to stay.
20:54Oh. Well, good boy.
20:59Where are you going?
21:00Oh, a ton of errands to run. I need to make copies of my headshot, send them off to agents, and sign up for a new acting class, and...
21:06Have fun.
21:07Okay.
21:15You want to come with me?
21:16Really?
21:18Come on, boy. Come on. Let's go. Let's go.
21:21Get in the car. Come on.
21:23So, what did you think of your first funeral?
21:27Oh, I don't want to be a jerk, but it was kind of a bummer.
21:31Yeah, well, when I die, you can rent a bounce house.
21:36Think about dying?
21:38No, I think more about if I have any regrets.
21:41What would you regret?
21:43That I didn't travel more, take more risks, learn another language.
21:48You know Klingon.
21:51That's true.
21:52No, I meant that as a regret.
21:59I just thought of one more.
22:00What's that?
22:02I regret not saying yes when you asked me to marry you.
22:06Well, it just wasn't the right time.
22:09Yeah.
22:11And this is also not the right time. Do not propose.
22:15What?
22:16I know that face. That's your proposed face.
22:19I was not going to propose. It's already two to one.
22:22What's two to one?
22:23I proposed twice. You proposed once. Two to one.
22:25Oh, my. It's not a contest.
22:26I don't know what you're upset about. I'm the one who's losing.
22:29Okay. Fine. Would you feel better if I proposed so you could turn me down again?
22:33Yeah, I think I would.
22:35Okay. Leonard, will you marry me?
22:38Hmm.
22:40No, don't you dare. You reject me right now and tie things up.
22:46It's just such a big decision. I don't want to have any regrets.