Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00Also, to start off with what we understand, at least guide the conversation to what we understand by mansplaining in this particular instance.
00:10So, mansplaining is a term used to describe a behavior where a man condescendingly explains something to a woman,
00:18assuming that she is ignorant or uninformed about the topic.
00:22This behavior is often rooted in sexism and a belief that men are inherently more knowledgeable or intelligent than women.
00:31Mansplaining can occur in various settings, including the workplace, social situations, and online interactions.
00:38It can be subtle or overt and can take many forms, including interrupting, speaking over, or disregarding a woman's opinion or expertise.
00:49So, simply a lot in there.
00:52Mansplaining, which also leads us to a combination of mansplaining and emasculation.
00:57They both go hand in hand.
01:01Lovely to have, you know, you gentlemen join us.
01:04Can we say lovely?
01:05I mean, is that like, you know, like English term?
01:07Lovely to have you.
01:08You know, I just do want to make it.
01:09I am okay at love.
01:10Okay, I'm great.
01:11Great to hear that.
01:12Me too.
01:12So, the brotherhood on the table today to have this discussion.
01:14Niall McNish, producer, Johanse Aoudike, behavior change consultant, and Jeffrey, a.k.a. Will White, storyteller.
01:27Thank you so much for joining us, gentlemen, once again on our roundtable.
01:32Big topic, big topic, mansplaining.
01:35And the reason we're bringing up mansplaining as well, and looking at it with emasculation, is because I think both of them go hand in hand.
01:46By the time we, you know, by the time we exercise a couple of the subject matters that I've broken down here, I'm sure we'd all agree in the end.
01:56And I'm going to start off, you know, thought-provoking.
02:01It's yet another term.
02:03You know, there was toxic masculinity.
02:05That was a phrase coined.
02:06It's almost like it feels, you know, it feels like, you know, the 21st century where there was a steel pan.
02:14That these topics or these terms weren't around before.
02:18And now we're putting it into a box.
02:19And this is yet another one, the toxic masculinity, first off, that wasn't around before.
02:27And it's now, that's a behavior that might have been accepted or just simply not accepted before.
02:31And now there's mansplaining.
02:36Hearing, I mean, I don't know how many years ago it originated, but even hearing that term mansplaining,
02:44it seems so divisive because these terms wasn't around before.
02:50Yes, I grew up knowing, okay, there's a differentiation between male and female, man and woman.
02:55Okay.
02:55And there could be certain characteristics that a man does and a woman does, et cetera, right?
03:01I inherently knew that.
03:03But actual categorizations like this, it just seems divisive to me because just listening to the definition,
03:14that just seems like disrespect.
03:16So whether a man does it or a woman does it, condescends and inherently thinks that I know,
03:22I as an individual, not necessarily as a man or woman, I know better than you is disrespectful.
03:29So I would just think in my mind, that's disrespect.
03:31But now, because a man does it, it's now categorized as mansplaining.
03:37And of course, and I say not of course, because in some of my research of these things,
03:42there's always a bias because there's no terms based for women.
03:49Because if we really, if we being divisive like that, then there are things women do.
03:54So it's woman-splaining or woman-whatever.
03:57And then there are things men do, which would be mansplaining or whatever.
04:01So I could go with that, but it's always seemingly something to do with what we, as men, do in quote-unquote role.
04:09So just to touch on your point, Johanse, the women a lot of times in conversation expect men to be somewhat clairvoyant
04:18and know what they like and know what they want.
04:20So we don't go, like you said, women-plaining or women-complaining.
04:27Just putting it out there.
04:30But it doesn't take away from the fact that I agree with the principle and what women are talking about.
04:39But we're talking about the term.
04:41So when a woman says, oh, you're mansplaining.
04:43I've been in situations where you're sitting down in a room and say we're talking about football or you're talking about a particular topic
04:49and a woman says something and you immediately go as if you want to dismiss.
04:54So I agree what men do are wrong.
04:57You know what I mean?
04:57I mean, it's probably provocation.
05:01It's disrespectful to women.
05:02And we do it sometimes consciously and subconsciously.
05:06And we put it out there.
05:07And sometimes what we want to do is, in that conscious effort, we want to tear that woman down
05:12or we want to dismiss what she has to say or disregard what she's saying.
05:16And so I want women to know out there and men that I'm saying that for what it is,
05:23it's, I believe, it's wrong and it's something that we have to address.
05:28And we have to give that respect.
05:29But at the same time, these terms that are coming up, and like you said,
05:33from the time you put a term on that, as you say, quite right well, it's divisive.
05:38Well, as you answered what I said, what I would think is maybe a way that we should consider approaching things more often,
05:45especially as men in this specific subject, especially, is where is it coming from?
05:51So if you were to say, if I was to say Black Lives Matter, and someone was to say All Lives Matter,
05:58I would be like, okay, well, so that's a protest to my protest.
06:03Why is that even necessary?
06:04Well, I'm not bringing this up to be condescending.
06:09But I'm bringing this up because I'm trying to highlight what I believe is a disparity.
06:13But of course, that gets lost in translation.
06:15And I think it is divisive, as you said.
06:20But why is it divisive?
06:21It's being used in a way whereby I think it's this collective exasperation.
06:26Whether you agree or don't, I think it's reflecting a kind of, as we would say, a fed-upness.
06:32Like, I just, oh God, this again, kind of thing.
06:35So I think it's like, if someone was, and especially considering, like, I'm a white-trained audience,
06:39if someone was to be like, you know, you said something racist.
06:43In my experience, I've seen a lot of white-trained audience, or white people in general,
06:47immediately get very defensive.
06:49Like, no, and they sort of freak out because it becomes an adversarial thing
06:54because it's a divisive thing to see.
06:56But what if you were just to stop for a moment and be like, oh, okay, damn, where?
07:03Like, where, when, when, and what was it?
07:04Because that's when you put your focus on trying to understand whether or not there's a behavior you could change.
07:10Or maybe you could stand your ground and be like, I don't know if I agree with that.
07:14But I think when things like mansplaining comes up, we tend to be like,
07:18because we feel like we're being attacked as men.
07:20Yes.
07:21But I feel like we don't need to necessarily all feel threatened by it
07:25because it's not like we absolutely do it.
07:27And if we do it, that's okay.
07:29We're learning.
07:30We make mistakes.
07:31And the only way we get better, I'm sure, is your answer.
07:34It was saying, like, you know, you have to,
07:35because considering your answer is the one who has a certain efficacy
07:38with understanding these things,
07:40I imagine that you have to be able to make mistakes.
07:43Which brings me to where the term came from, right?
07:48Social media, what birthed all of these phrases that we grew up in from, to be honest, right?
07:53And a lot of the times, just to go back to Will's point,
07:58is that when a woman say that a man's mansplaining to her,
08:04what she's really saying is that I am feeling insulted by how you're speaking to me.
08:08Bottom line.
08:09And a lot of times, as you said, men take it as an attack.
08:13As an emasculation.
08:14Rather than listening to what she's actually saying.
08:17And we all know that sometimes they could hide their meanings behind what they say.
08:21And it may be right or wrong, but like, just for them to say it in the first place,
08:24it's okay, just take it as it comes.
08:26A lot of times, men actually do a lot of mansplaining.
08:30That's just reality.
08:30Reality.
08:31I know that I've done it.
08:32I know that I've done it.
08:33That's what I'm saying.
08:34But it's just the fact that the term, you know, you put a term on it that becomes divisive, right?
08:39And it's when you know, you sort of, it's like, we hear what you're saying.
08:44I'm agreeing that it's wrong.
08:46But then when you do that now, you immediately get my back up.
08:50And one of the things, and I hope I didn't cut you a nail.
08:53And what I wanted to touch on, two things importantly, Will said,
08:57and we want to actually expand on it in this conversation,
09:01is you mentioned about a protest to a protest, and you mentioned about being threatened.
09:07And I think those two things are very key.
09:10And I'm going to say, probably say something very controversial when we talk about those particular topics.
09:14But I was looking at a couple other podcasts.
09:17And one of the things is, you know, when men say something to a woman,
09:21the immediate retort is like almost like, what about me, right?
09:25So I need a massage.
09:27You know what?
09:27I could do it with a massage.
09:28And I worked hard all day.
09:29And it's like, well, you know, like you said, it's a protest to a protest.
09:33So you say something or you dislike something, and they bring up what you have done.
09:38But in that moment, it's like, well, I had the floor.
09:41You know, the floor was mine.
09:43You know, I didn't give over.
09:45And therefore, let's talk about this first.
09:48Without holding a thought, without holding a thought to say retort,
09:53hear me out.
09:54Really hear me, you know, listen to what I'm trying to say.
09:57And the other thing is the point about being threatened that, and this is what's going to be controversial.
10:04And guys, we can talk about either in this conversation or another, where women, there's a belief,
10:11and I would say that I am siding to that belief, that women are the superior gender.
10:17And I've said it before, and I know Johansi's, you know, looked up at me when I said it.
10:21And I've said it because apart from the threshold for pain and giving birth and multitasking as they do and all the rest of it,
10:28that men, in terms of not wanting them to see their likeness, and I'm going to use just one quick example.
10:35The elephants in Thailand, for example, when they're a pup, they put a rope around their foot to stop them from moving, moving around.
10:42When they get an adult, what happens?
10:46The same rope is on their foot, but they don't move.
10:50Why? Because psychologically, they feel the same rope binds them, that they can't break that particular rope.
10:56And I'm saying that in the sense of threatened, that men feel that, listen, if we allow them to know that they can break that rope,
11:04that they would see their power, and if they see their power, we would lose positions, we would lose, you know, the...
11:21But are we seeing parallels right now, like very scary parallels,
11:24they'll see their power with certain massive issues on our planet of, like, oppression, like the idea.
11:33So we don't, like, why do we speak in these terms of, like, why wouldn't we want such a key part of our population to know their power and have their power?
11:42We can't trust them to use it.
11:45I mean, we have a lot of power, and we're trusted to use it.
11:48We start wars, you know, et cetera.
11:50I look at you, I'd say look at me like...
11:52No, no, no, no, no, this is perfect.
11:55This is perfect because...
11:56So let me talk one, what you're saying, Robert, about when, let's say a woman uses it to mansplain,
12:03even though we may not like the term mansplain, I like the fact that we could in that moment examine what we're doing wrong.
12:10So let's say I say something condescending.
12:12Let's use the same football analogy.
12:14A woman speaks about football and maybe what she knows about football, right?
12:19That could be dismissive and disrespectful.
12:22so let's say taking responsibility first for your own behavior it's trying to see where she's coming
12:28from even though she uses a term that we dislike it has validity because she's trying to say
12:34something right i mean and i would say to even the woman that that without viewing in terms of
12:39managing your words because you're also responsible for what they say i responsible how i take it and
12:43how i react it but you're also responsible for what they say and if based on communication if
12:49you want the best outcome it's best to use the best communication right so again i'm using
12:54everybody's responsible for their reactions and words etc so i agree with you that's one two is
13:00what you're saying there about power and being trusted so let me come back to superior while i
13:06looked at you because i wasn't too sure how to to quantify a superior a superior superior race right
13:14and it's been it's been we tried scientifically to see because pain threshold if you go in pain
13:20women can take more pain than us i'm not even even front right but other things when when when you go
13:27we have to go piece by piece side by side to really see who is the most superior and i don't know if that
13:32could be done i think it's too and it's too complex i mean there are too many different angles
13:37i think the reality is that when when you ship away all the brass tacks it come down to violence
13:44right and physically no physically of course if the world and society collapses and it comes back down
13:53to the basic bare bones of how we survive as humans men will win a war if if there's a i'm trying to speak
14:01on most basic terms right so if you're talking about if you're talking about just domination of one
14:08species over another men are going to win even though there are less men in the world than women
14:15men will win you understand what i'm saying no i don't yeah every war has ever has been has been
14:21fought by men let's be so we're talking about physical prowess and i'm only cutting you okay because i want to
14:27keep everybody with bated breath waiting to hear what comes next so we're gonna take a moment
14:33regroup and we'll further that talk
14:37so i hope you heard the first part of manhood if not i'm sure you can rewind or trust me it's worth
14:52it's worth the listen niall your answer will we were talking about emasculation mansplaining in
15:02particular and i was making a point about physical prowess and that men had the advantage i would go i'll go
15:10more to we trying to quantify superior in this particular situation and i was just taking it all
15:16the way back to the most basic human standard leanderthal which is who the strongest will survive
15:25right who could dominate who right and that's where my ideology of trying to quantify a superior um
15:35race or species right so fast forward so you're challenging my my thoughts on the superior which is
15:41the superior gender yeah in fact i i don't think that we should say that there's a superior right
15:46it's more like we are all part of we are all useful we are all functional to get exactly you know so
15:53but but the word superior if we were to get into it that's that would be my comment towards it right
16:00let's let's move forward to where we are today and why it is that men make all the rules because it
16:06came from a time when we were neanderthals women used to get hit over the head with a club and dragged
16:11to the cave then as far as cartoons have been told but i'm almost certain that it was some it was some
16:19barbaric version of that probably even worse right it's just a metaphor right so fast forward to here
16:25we are today now where men now have a responsibility to be a little bit more gentler anyone with power
16:34anyone with power has that responsibility right so we're talking about men in this so us being men
16:39we know when it's time because we insidrically have the power
16:48how do we now address that to women who feel that they they don't have a voice in any room
16:55i would say um and i'll go back to what robert was saying about acknowledging the the the pain
17:02the the the harm even even again even if it's not expressed in the way we wanted to acknowledging
17:09hey i want to be heard hey i feel disrespected now notice i said feel disrespected versus you
17:15disrespected me box right because if if if she is feeling disrespected it should be something to be
17:22addressed and that way i mean if we be open to more of those we could get a better understanding even how
17:28to lead because if if i have all the power but i don't understand any of the people i'm leading
17:33then it's dotationists are doing so so being able to understand that i man is the the head of the home
17:40the leader of the home now if you're going traditional but at the same time you know you have to pay
17:45attention and you don't have to you should pay attention to so the woman if you're in a workplace if
17:50you're even if you're not in a team if there's a there's a female presence gives you a different point of
17:56view at least acknowledge you don't have to agree you have to take everything but at least acknowledge
18:03so not just because she's female are you gonna say okay well that that position has to be right
18:07or accurate but you know they always say if you know better do better and in this case if if you're
18:13in a room a board room any presence like that you see it's happening as that's what this brotherhood
18:18that we keep talking about we always say better as brothers that's what manhood is about
18:22and by doing that if i'm in a room and a woman is being like and it's like i can acknowledge or i
18:27can see it's very you know you can cut it with a knife that woman's being disrespectful somebody's
18:32just there being arrogant and you know that's happening then interject stand up for the point
18:39and the principle and not just oh because she's female you're trying to come in like a knight in
18:42shining armor you know chivalry still alive but in an in your own in your own relationships or
18:48environments whether it's with my sisters my my wife girlfriend whoever it may be it's a matter of
18:55later on she might bring it to your attention or someone might bring it to your attention
18:59so even though that moment may have passed that you need to be a man and go back and address the
19:03situation and own up to the fact that once again i was wrong you know because that's another topic you
19:09know difficult thing to say and it's and it's difficult it takes a real man to be able to come back
19:14because and for many reasons because you might think if i come back here now yes i might have won
19:18the battle but i'll lose the war but ultimately it's like well the other points i was making
19:24maybe maybe uh mute at this particular point null and void because if you know she she may then use
19:30that as ammunition against me you know like somebody commits a crime or does something or a lawyer and
19:36you find out later on that you know there was some sort of corruption involved all the cases at that
19:41point have to be reopened and and men sometimes i i am guilty of that as well may not want to go back
19:48at that to that particular situation so what i do is i make sure the next time i'm cognizant okay so
19:55i don't address the first one not always not always but the second time i'll be more cognizant or when
20:01i'm addressing other people that that particular um about that particular thing so i i will say because
20:09so many things came up i think something that is important to bring up as well because you'll say
20:12um a real man should xyz and i think as soon as i hear that from me i was brought up you will know
20:19sophie and sophie is the easy sister ada is the is the fiery one that i used to fight with all the time
20:25but and me and my so this my sister they will know my sisters my sister and me used to fight a lot
20:31and it was a very very adversarial relationship when we were younger but now to this day and even now we
20:37could fight we fight plenty more than me and sophie but i am most grateful for aid anyway that
20:41she challenged me because she challenged the way that i perceive things so when we say like a real
20:46man should why is it that we feel like we need to in case what's a real why do we need to prove that we
20:52are a man and we we kind of make a rigid idea of what being a man is and like even and i don't want to
21:00come for like saga or anything but like like the bear but like they'll have signs saying be a buckle up be a
21:05real man like we had a we had a like kind of brainwash people into just using a seat belt you
21:11gotta you gotta be a real man it's okay just wear a seat belt because it's safe but i mean i i get it
21:16because we're trying to appeal to certain audience perspective is so important now if we're talking
21:21about mansplaining we're talking about we should want to access how a woman might feel why she would
21:25say something like that now if i we discussed earlier he went to school in in baltimore i'm a
21:30trinidadian he's a trinidadian if i told him like yeah it's tough being a trinidadian in baltimore
21:36he might kind of look at me and be like we have some differences in our indelible experiences you
21:42and i look very differently you're not going to get treated the same way so for me it's like it's the
21:47idea of perspective being important so i could dismiss a woman if it is that i feel like she's
21:53disrespecting me she's saying i'm mansplaining something but why is she saying that as you would have
21:57said earlier she's feeling disrespected and perspective is so important why is it coming
22:03because i could pretend that i understand and can appreciate exactly what you've you've experienced
22:08in your life because i could understand some concepts but that doesn't mean i can really
22:11appreciate what it's like to be your hands in all the places that you've been especially places that
22:16we would have both been separately or whatever so i think it's important for us to be like you
22:21we are not women we will never understand correct childbirth carrying a child having a period every
22:27single month that that baffles me to this day if i had to get sick for a couple days or a week every
22:34month you all better treat me real nice i would become homicidal i'm sure yeah because i don't so it's
22:40just like how can we observe the the perspective and and just try to get because we all on this earth
22:47together we we need women if we continue in the human race if that's important for it and not
22:52really important for the planet but if we deem it important so how do we get along better but i think
22:56the perspective is there already you know but a lot of men choose not to to go into the feminine side
23:02yeah which for for but i think it's how they were raised mostly time in a traditional household
23:08right and again that's just forced habits being repeated over and over over generations right
23:13but a lot of the times men have felt or seen the perspective and they'll know they'll be like
23:19i know if i if i were a woman i would feel hurt in the situation but because i'm supposed to be a
23:27man a real man i have to push it to the side and not show emotion is that how a real man
23:34um projects i would believe so i believe so from the imagination what is a real man what is what is a
23:43real man man doesn't have femininity before you go on to a new point i i really i'm really enjoying
23:50this because knowledge is power and the more we understand about ourselves and even each other as men
23:57the more control and power we can have over things because understanding that bias and just listening to
24:03your even what you're seeing robert i was thinking about times where i would i have may have mansplained
24:09or even disregarded a woman's opinion because she's a woman because i had that that that um concept or
24:15that paradigm and um a lot of times i think my wife brings it to my attention that what she would say
24:22she say she would say if a man said it you know you'd listen true and true in the beginning i fight on
24:29that real harder right but then but then other men said certain things that she said and i had
24:35empirical evidence so i couldn't fight on it right and i uh kind of you know um analyze why
24:43and it wasn't her pussy but even my perception of of women and certain things women said so i going back
24:51with the knowledge is power so now that i'm aware of it sometimes you need somebody on the outside to help
24:56you be aware but now that we're talking to you know and you you men who watching we could also
25:01be aware of ourselves to be more mindful not to be disrespectful whether you want to call it
25:06mansplaining or not because it comes from a man is disrespecting itself and and it's really really
25:13been for me being married and even being in the company of women in leadership positions you understand
25:18i don't want to say women because not using women per se but people in general give a different
25:24perspective and if we're going women let's say women think differently i just pointed out if a woman
25:30thinks differently from a man then having a different perspective could be could be very useful even as
25:35leaders so i want i want us to to to bring it back to to to to mansplaining and in the same way that we
25:44are we are on we understand what mansplaining is and the impact it has on women and we want to stop it
25:50we want to address it and we want to make them feel respected there's also the other side of it
25:56because from the time a situation is brought up and a woman feels that disrespect their disposition and
26:03how they approach the situation after that may lead to other things which then comes down to emasculation
26:10so a woman says something and immediately to herself um or you mansplaining it now and we just you know
26:17we've used our term so many times in this in in this conversation and it's probably going to stick
26:22with me instead of me saying um something about be disregarding or being obnoxious i'm going to
26:26probably use the word mansplaining going forward but we come down to then how does how does that then
26:33bring about disrespect to a man where he feels not hurt himself or the love languages are complete you
26:41know all of a sudden skewed at that particular point you know because a lot of times women would say you know
26:46people say what women want is that they're very emotional and i don't mean that in a bad way i'm
26:50just talking about their their languages they want to be touched they want and men want respect from
26:56the moment you start to feel disrespected and that's either from a woman or even your peers or anybody
27:02you know back and out you know we've seen we're taught that we want respect because is that the most
27:07important thing on the hierarchy we're taught that that's what we because because we want sensitivity as
27:12well we're just taught to not desire we're taught that way it's bad to desire sensitivity or to i
27:19need the fact that we'll even say like that feminine because i was going to say that feminine energy
27:23is that feminine because from the time i born i emotional so is that a feminine and maybe it is
27:28but whether it is or isn't it's something that's definitely within us and something that
27:32there shouldn't be a problem with valuing but we teach each other our fathers our fathers fathers men
27:38around us that emotions that's not for us leave that to women as if that's only a thing that women
27:44have and of course that's a way that we indoctrinate and hurt each other by not giving each other that
27:48space to be emotional so would you say that um and i'm gonna give way just the fact that men want to
27:57feel like men whatever that however we've categorized it we're still looking for that i don't think there's
28:02a one definition fit all when it comes to what men are because like you said in the same way men think
28:07differently from women men among men think differently you know so therefore when we say
28:13among women think differently exactly one well i wanted to go you making a point and i wanted to
28:20the thought just popped into my mind of to showcase how balanced men and women are right back to not
28:27not having a superior or or the other women as we just rightfully explained on this panel can't take
28:35more physical pain than men right men are more and that thing that's scientifically that's actually
28:40of course of course in all ways in all ways however men are physically stronger than women
28:47right on mass on average is stronger right that's scientifically proven right generally
28:53men on the whole yes yes if we measure all physical physical structure what i believe though and i don't
28:58don't think that this is scientific scientifically proven is that men have a higher emotional threshold
29:06than women i would be surprised yeah sure hold that thought again now we we seem to you know we
29:12stop on your point you know he's he's point banton today so that's a big one big enough for us to take
29:20another breather okay and come back with that conversation so in the final moments of manhood
29:33this conversation and things are heating up i'm about to cry because niall is saying that men have a
29:40have a but but i i would think just just to see you know if there's a breakup i think you know you
29:46always you always hear that men women should sort of deal with it you know they deal with it they cry
29:52they do whatever they need to do whether it takes a year six months a week whatever the case will be
29:57and then they move on and then it's like that man is iyo pancho whereas men just sort of linger you
30:03know there's somewhere in the ether with regards to what happens and somehow they always feel you know
30:07they can get attacked back but so i i i don't know i i but at the same time i've had a couple breakups and
30:14it was pain yeah so i i fell up in explain exactly what you mean by please don't have a higher
30:23emotional threshold well i go and buy numbers right there's they have to have a reason why
30:29most suicides are men right most depression uh men and i feel that society on a whole men have a lot
30:38more let me let me retract that as men and the the traditions that we've been taught we have a lot
30:48of issues that we have to deal with and most times we've been taught to be as stoic as possible
30:55in the face of adversity right and with me comparing it to women where a woman would
31:03get she would shout she would scream immediately where a man mightn't most men would would disagree
31:10when i'm talking about myself i have i think in social life i'm going on numbers generalization
31:15no but not just screaming that's well i i said what you mean the numbers is depression and no you're
31:22right there i go with the lack of a better word but you're going i want to touch on equality right
31:26and show that everything's a yin and yang where yes we physically are stronger women could tolerate
31:32more pain physically however where we might be emotionally stronger right i don't know no go
31:40ahead go ahead no no no i know what i'm saying yeah yeah women women would know we take the pain in
31:46other words the childbirth that women go through we deal with it in silence our on our emotional side
31:52and that's why i'm trying to show where we are the same creatures just we have different processes
31:57processes i know that's what he was getting to yeah you see that that beautiful you know that's the
32:03beauty in this thing that's why i don't know why why do you have to be only fighting why why
32:09always have to be a fight because women have the beauty and the way they process things and men because
32:15even in that point women let's just say traditionally they feel the emotion they
32:20emoted they let it out right it is the energy is used and it's gone yeah and they're good right
32:27so let's just say there's less of emotional threshold if you're looking but then we men hold
32:31on to it and then we put up yourself and we kill yourself right so then it does not healthy either way
32:38true blurting it out without without managing it is not healthy in it either way and hold on
32:43it and eating yourself is not healthy either way so just like if we go into equality equality means
32:49equal balance therefore as men we should aim to be balanced right and i'm not going masculine
32:57feminine energy just as a man managing yourself to be balanced as a woman managing yourself to be
33:03balanced so it's not necessarily for me a case of who could do it better but really understanding
33:11that difference and first get into that difference we need to explore some of these things because
33:16if a man think a woman not not worthy or not knowledgeable or something there's some kind
33:21of imbalance there so it has to be identified right and then then expose but at the same time
33:29let me let me just do the thing together and i know we have a lot of issues and i listen i have
33:34clients come in and i know they have issues and i'm not perfect either right i have something to work
33:38right but but that's in let the the aim of the the the the working itself the aim of even
33:45exp exp exposing mansplaining even hearing a woman say that the aim should be not fighting because we
33:51could fight this battle forever of course i i am just stuck on the whole thing about men still being
33:58more whether what i mean you you you you put it in good context but i'm still going on niles point that
34:04that that there's our perception because he's not alone i'm sure a lot of people out there feeling
34:09the same way because again people think differently they react differently you know um we were having
34:14a conversation at one point you know when we talk about um polyamorous being um polyamorous
34:20polyamorous and things like that there men will be okay with that there's men will listen say listen
34:25you know once once we have an accord and we have an understanding and we we let each other know it's okay
34:31and another man would be like no as a man i don't want another man with my woman so what is good for
34:36the goose is not necessarily good for the gander and i'm saying in this case say for example a breakup
34:42men generally in the breakup as their heart is breaking is also thinking to themselves
34:48what that woman doing let's let's be honest you know so there's a there's that ego that's involved
34:53and you always hear you people say that ego and and heart can live in the same space you know the black
34:58wolf and the white wolf but so is it then that we are coming from that emotional perspective is really
35:03ego to say you different you you know you cover this as you and i have your your perception on a lot
35:09of different things but i'm talking about generally you're thinking okay well if she's going out there
35:13you know what's happening with with this particular person is she gonna fall for that and a certain
35:18amount of ego takes place there so therefore i i'm i'm challenging the fact that are we really emotionally
35:24stronger or are we actually also weaker because women once they cut you off is a
35:32so we're talking we're talking a lot of hypotheticals a lot of women once they did it
35:37because not every woman will do that correct correct but what i think might be important what could be
35:41productive is i'd love to give an example so between me and my sister mentioned earlier we've had some
35:46legendary fights probably maybe a decade ago i was posting something on social media it was a it was around
35:53the time that there was a lot of sexual violence against women and i posted something saying you
35:57know fellas imagine if this was your sister your your daughter your niece your mother your whatever
36:02you know we need to protect women and my sister had come to me and she was like she was like you have
36:08to stop explaining things like that like we don't need men to protect us and i was like why are you
36:13attacking me on this but wait i did not understand i did not understand she is a human being and i didn't
36:20understand that data we fought i didn't understand the following day or the week after the month
36:24after i didn't understand until years later that we're talking about a human with indelible rights
36:29women shouldn't have to be anti-rape ninjas they should be able to walk out their door and feel like
36:35someone will not harm them because of the way that we view each other in society because of equality and
36:41respect and whatnot and then also because let's say for those who will not respect that because the
36:47rule of the land is robust enough that the consequences would be too dire for that to be a
36:52normal thing and we all know women and i'm sure all of us could ask any woman that we know do you
36:58generally feel safe when you leave your house the common answer is no and we could try and say that
37:03they're just making a bigger deal of but why is this so common and for me that fight i had with my sister
37:08when she was like it a woman shouldn't have to be familiar to you for her to deserve respect and bodily
37:15safety i don't walk nowhere worrying about man or woman someone doing something to me and i'm i guess
37:21i'm also of a certain height and weight and and i'm also a white male like i'm generally not going
37:27to be afraid but people who are not well obviously all men women why are they why are they saying these
37:32things and for me i realized that i used to view it in such an intensely ignorant way and i didn't
37:37realize because i thought i was saying the right thing i thought i was saying let's protect women but
37:40women shouldn't need men to protect them they should just be able to feel safe we should be
37:46involved in a society where we as men whether it might not be any of us at this table but there are
37:51men who very casually will harm women when they don't do exactly what they say and it could be from
37:57a comment to a shout into a physical lash whatever it is you know it's a mansplain and how do we get to
38:02mansplain and we feel emasculated when why are we feeling emasculated by something that shouldn't
38:07necessarily hurt us because we have all these rules for each other that we've all collectively
38:11decided as a society um you want to be a real man buckle up just buckle up because it's safe you
38:18shouldn't have to abuse me into being safe yeah just consider how casual and strange that is and
38:24an artist saying like be a man buckle up like all right so well as your only topic um i'm gonna i'm
38:31gonna let you lead with closing thoughts a lot happened here today um a lot on this table as as normal
38:36um if you want to probably expand or close on i would be more curious to hear you answer in
38:43response because i because i have been knowing that he's the the the person who has more efficacy
38:48than me with it um well he's our guy yeah he's our guy you're not saying i have more efficacy i mean
38:53we all hear as men we all have different experiences right and even though my training is different from
38:59you all you also have the training of life so i think every man so have have their their contribution but i
39:04understand what what you mean what do you mean by that what i would say is is again knowledge is
39:10power the more we discuss this the more we are able to do better and and i think that's that's the
39:16conversation even how the term mansplaining was originated was was maybe by a woman who want want
39:24different from her man or men they're frustrated right and even though we don't like the term it still
39:30has validity because we understand the things that time that we do in terms of in terms of disrespect
39:35etc and if we come into even equality and we're trying to decide who more superior and who not i mean
39:42again i still on the fence we could i want empirical evidence to see but let's just say we we don't know
39:48who's superior we think one superior is that the right question anyway maybe not even if somebody's
39:54superior let's just say either male superior or woman superior still each person should treat each
40:00other with respect yeah right and and i think that that's a as a core tenant respect means you you
40:07have a complaint at least i will hear you yeah let's agree with you yep that's it right so at least i hear
40:13you out and then i could decide whether or not well okay yes i was mansplaining so i could do different
40:18and then i could actually tell you now you know what i agree with you that that i disrespected you but
40:24when you're expressing it don't use terms specific to to gender because sometimes and not not leading
40:31too much to another point is when a man is told he's wrong because he's a man that's where emasculation
40:37could come in so tell me i'm wrong you disrespect me all right i've taken that but because there's a man
40:44you disrespect because there's a man these are the things wrong with you then some men have the tendency
40:49to feel emasculated and i myself have felt that way because being told that in a specific manner
40:56that was great um closing statements for me
41:01i would say that there's no such thing as a superior gender i would say that if it is that the the purpose
41:09is to cut a board you could do it with a hammer and you could do it with a saw so every situation
41:13is needed for whoever is the use of the time right so women have the uses men have the uses we just have
41:21to find that common denominator and um just to talk to the people at home when y'all are having arguments
41:28with each other we have to stop generalization because that tends to get flung out very easily
41:36unproductive we you're speaking to each other at that particular time he may be it may sound like
41:45he's talking down to you but it's not that he's talking down to you from a man's perspective it's
41:51this is the person this is your peer this is who you're choosing to talk to at the time right so
41:55keep that in mind when you know we all having those heated moments because i realize that that's where
42:01the that's where the real issues come on right in those heated moments where we're supposed to
42:06have our you know our thinking thinking caps on and um with that equality for everyone
42:14some really really um great stuff a lot of thought provoking stuff here today and remember
42:18to everyone that's listening you know these these are not you know always the opinion of everyone
42:24that sits at this table we're talking the topics that need to be spoken about and it's us being a
42:29representative to be able to have that dialogue to get that information out and be thought provoking
42:35to get you yourself who's listening um to as we've as we've said in many different ways when you know
42:41better do better knowledge is power and remember just to touch on what what Niall said um just now
42:47just to sort of end this this particular conversation when you're having these discussions or arguments or
42:54heated debates remember the person whether it's he is not the problem she is not the problem the
43:01problem is the problem and you should come together as a team to address the problem and just see it
43:08just as that so it's not necessarily mansplaining there's emasculation there's all of these things
43:13that happen as a result but it's the problem that needs to be focused on and both the male and female
43:19coming together to deal with that Niall Johanse will always a pleasure a lot a lot still needs to be
43:30discussed there'll be these conversations each and every week thank you for staying with us thank you
43:43thank you