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00:00:00and Racetrack.
00:00:06Thank you once again for joining us on Manhood.
00:00:09It's a conversation like no other.
00:00:12And the idea is always to reach everyone where they're at.
00:00:17And we always say we are a few men reaching,
00:00:21trying to reach all men,
00:00:24but we're not speaking on behalf of all men.
00:00:28And you'd think 10, 12 conversations in,
00:00:32I'd have got that by now.
00:00:33But we really are trying to speak on all topics
00:00:38and the conversation never really ends.
00:00:41The episodes may end, manhood may end at some point,
00:00:44but the conversation will always continue.
00:00:46I'm delighted to have once again on the panel,
00:00:50Resident Behavior Change Consultant, Johanse Ayodike.
00:00:54Always a pleasure.
00:00:56A friend, Siobhan Metivere, artist, actor.
00:01:02I wouldn't know if singer comes into there,
00:01:04but maybe, you know, trial and error.
00:01:06Not professionally.
00:01:07Voice over, radio personality.
00:01:10And Javel Junior-Lee Limon, comedian, actor, host, radio personality.
00:01:21The list goes on and on.
00:01:23I feel like Siobhan was a little bit more special.
00:01:26It was a bit longer.
00:01:27Next time.
00:01:28I mean, it wasn't in your rider.
00:01:30It wasn't in your rider.
00:01:30All the things are hard to say.
00:01:32So next time.
00:01:33So the conversation here today is certainly going to be a very energetic one,
00:01:38a very lively one.
00:01:39I'm really looking forward to it.
00:01:41But at the end, we're trying to meet everyone where they're at.
00:01:44And the conversation, the topic is still a very serious one.
00:01:47And the topic today is, can women and men handle the truth?
00:01:52Can we actually handle the truth?
00:01:55And some of the topics that we're hoping to cover are feelings,
00:02:00sexual performance, compromise, among others.
00:02:05And there was one other big one inside of there.
00:02:07And I'm trying to buy some time to remember it.
00:02:10But while we do it now, let's get into it.
00:02:14Let's get into it.
00:02:15So can men and women really, really handle the truth?
00:02:21And let's start off with feelings.
00:02:23You know, like if you really say how you feel about a particular situation
00:02:28or how you're not feeling about a particular situation,
00:02:31because you may start one way and things die off.
00:02:35All right.
00:02:36Well, let me show something out for you, right?
00:02:38I think that men could handle the truth more than women, right?
00:02:44Let me tell you why.
00:02:46Because how we men mostly have to navigate the world is based on truth.
00:02:52So if you have no money, you have to face the reality.
00:02:54If you have no job, you have to face reality.
00:02:56If you want certain things, you know you have certain qualifications,
00:03:00things to face, et cetera, et cetera.
00:03:01If you are a woman of a certain caliber, you know you have to come good with certain things.
00:03:04You have to face the truth.
00:03:06But in some of my experiences with women,
00:03:09women tend to more want to live in a fantasy world, right?
00:03:14They want things the way they want it, even if it's not really like that.
00:03:18So if I do I look good in this, you really want the person to say yes, right?
00:03:25But the truth may be you're not looking good in that.
00:03:27So if you say to the woman, know what she want the response to be.
00:03:31So if I say, nah, you ain't looking good.
00:03:33What?
00:03:34I ain't looking good?
00:03:35And start down the line, I say, but you asked me the truth, right?
00:03:39So I'll open it with that.
00:03:40So, you know, just based on that, it always reminds me,
00:03:45and I'm really sorry to everyone who's listening and viewing,
00:03:48that, you know, when we talk about people handling reality,
00:03:52that, I mean, I'm not sure I buy into the whole that men can handle the truth more than women,
00:03:58because I know there are instances myself where, you know, the truth hurts.
00:04:02But there was one meme that I saw that actually said, the guy, the guy, the woman said,
00:04:11can you just tell me exactly what you think for this entire day?
00:04:14And she went to put, they went to go out and she put on a dress and she said,
00:04:19do you think I look in fat in this?
00:04:21And he went, no, you're fat making you look fat.
00:04:23I just said, if you really, Siobhan, if you really had to go to that level of where someone could be almost,
00:04:33if you knew both of you were clairvoyant and you spoke what you had to say,
00:04:37and can women and men, in your opinion, really handle that raw truth?
00:04:44With that particular example, I feel like you can still be truthful, but you don't have to be mean.
00:04:49So it's with anything in life, it's always the how.
00:04:52That's how you say it.
00:04:53Yes.
00:04:54And for this particular topic, when you like men or women, I want to say, I feel like,
00:05:01against what Johansi said, I feel like men are more likely to not handle the truth as well as women.
00:05:08A couple instances in the case of, let's say, the easiest thing, relationships.
00:05:14Feelings, for example, if a woman comes to you and tells you how she feels about a situation,
00:05:18I feel like men generally go into their ego.
00:05:21So, yes, I agree.
00:05:23Women can be, we can be delusional and live in that fantasy world.
00:05:27But with men, I feel like they can also not be willing to face the truth, but from an ego perspective.
00:05:32If I am not happy with X, Y, Z, I feel like, and maybe it's how, you know, men have been raised, like, generally the average man or those that I've come across, whether it's friends, family, exes, who have not, they just don't have that emotional sensitivity as I would have had or some of my female counterparts.
00:05:55So, it just feels like anything you come, it's almost as if it's demasculating.
00:06:02Is it demasculating?
00:06:03Demasculating.
00:06:04Demasculating.
00:06:06Demasculating, in a sense.
00:06:07And you are just trying to be honest.
00:06:09So, I've had that experience where I would have, again, with the how, but even in the how, they always got, like, defensive.
00:06:17And it just made me feel like, okay, I cannot be honest with this person.
00:06:21Okay.
00:06:21Now, a rose by any other name is still a rose.
00:06:25So, I agree with you that it's not what you say sometimes, it's how you say it.
00:06:30But if you tell your man or a man tells a woman, either way, I'm not on you anymore.
00:06:37So, he says it in that way, which is a bit harsh.
00:06:40But however he dresses it up or she dresses it up, and it comes down to the bottom line is I don't want to be with you anymore.
00:06:47I have for, whether it's I just have lost that love for you, I don't like how you, you know, you make me feel, or I found someone else.
00:06:55Does it make it, does it really make it any easier?
00:06:59Or when someone says, you know, you're sweet, or it's not you, it's me.
00:07:04Yeah.
00:07:05I think most times, like, if it reaches that point of, like, I ain't not on you anymore, it's because of a, like, suppression of emotions.
00:07:13Like, it's your brain wanting to see it.
00:07:15Correct.
00:07:16And she probably said something to trigger, like, I ain't not on you anymore again.
00:07:20Like, leave me alone.
00:07:21Like, I'm done.
00:07:21You know what I mean?
00:07:22So, like, I don't think men, well, I don't think humans in a whole does just come out of the door with an aggressive or defensive tone.
00:07:32I think it's be a buildup of, like, you have these thoughts running around your mind probably for months.
00:07:38And it's just like, yo, I want to tell you.
00:07:40But again, I don't know how you react to what I'm going to say.
00:07:43And it just come out.
00:07:44It just come out sometime, you know what I mean?
00:07:46So, I don't think anybody does, let me not say anybody, yeah.
00:07:50I don't think most people.
00:07:52Wake up one day and just be honest.
00:07:53I am not on this scale anymore.
00:07:54I just say it like that.
00:07:55No, like, you know what I mean?
00:07:57But then.
00:07:57A majority of the time, sorry to cut here, majority of the time, like, when people do things poetic, especially, like, with a breakup or anything like that, I think they're still on the person.
00:08:06Because if you have so much effort to be like, you know, roses are red, violets are blue, but roses must die.
00:08:15I don't want to be with you.
00:08:16I don't want to be with you.
00:08:17I think it's to have a level of.
00:08:20You can still have care for the person.
00:08:22Yeah, you still have that level of care.
00:08:23But for you to say, yo, I'm not on you, bro, that person don't know.
00:08:28So the irony is, is that the fourth thing, remember I said we want to really present four things here.
00:08:34And the irony is we spoke about feelings.
00:08:36I said sexual performance and then compromise.
00:08:38And the fourth one was actually breakups, which all ties into feelings.
00:08:43And because it's such a major one and breakups can come in all shapes, forms and sizes.
00:08:50And we speak about the fact that someone's breaking up can be connected also to someone's love language.
00:08:58And you're not wanting to say something instead of the snowball effect, while it's happening, while we're rolling at that particular point.
00:09:07If you say certain things at that point, maybe you can diffuse it.
00:09:11In essence, if something's going to happen, it's going to happen.
00:09:14I mean, whether it happens now or happens 10 years from now, if it's destined to happen, it's going to happen.
00:09:19But maybe the sharpness of it, maybe the residual feelings or the resentment may not be there where people can possibly be friends.
00:09:28That should, you know, if they have a breakup.
00:09:30So the love language is if you're feeling a particular way and you're saying, listen, this woman, like you mentioned about ego, because men are really a lot based on ego.
00:09:39You want to be touched in a certain way, more than women, driven by ego, right?
00:09:45I would leave that for you to talk about ego, because men are mostly about ego.
00:09:52And if it is that you're in a particular way, you want a certain, your love language might be to be touched.
00:09:58And that's not happening for you.
00:09:59Or you want to get a certain pleasure.
00:10:04And that's not happening.
00:10:05You might build it up, build it up, like, okay, well, you know, what's the bigger picture here?
00:10:08Or I could put that aside.
00:10:10Or, you know, I'm not going to bring that up now.
00:10:12Or sometimes I might step out in order to get it because I'm tired asking for it at home.
00:10:18And then it reaches to the point that, like you said, one day something happens and you just turn around and be like, go on from here now.
00:10:26Well, I think the progressive aspect of it, because as Javel was saying and you were saying, it's not just, you just come up with it.
00:10:35And I think truth should be, and I think what Siobhan is saying, in terms of respect, if every day you see something that you may not like or disapprove of, you could say it because in that moment, let's say it's a small thing.
00:10:49And because it's a small thing, you don't have that much emotional charge.
00:10:52Could and should.
00:10:53Could and should, right?
00:10:54I'm using that because it could be triggered by something even outside the relationship.
00:10:59But if that one moment you're able to say, you know, baby, honey, I don't like this.
00:11:04Right?
00:11:04That's day one versus waiting until day 100 where it's this buildup.
00:11:09And that's where the truth is because, again, we could question whether men or women could handle truth better.
00:11:15But Siobhan, you were saying based on the person's upbringing also.
00:11:19Right?
00:11:20How emotionally mature a man or woman could be.
00:11:24And I mean, I'll come with that ego with men and women a little later.
00:11:28But I really think it's in each moment, every day, to tell small truth, to be truthful so it wouldn't build up, so it'd come out in that disrespectful manner.
00:11:37But you don't think, like, telling small truth on a daily basis can actually make your partner feel like, yo, you just have a problem on the whole with me because it's every day something.
00:11:48Like, like, you just say, you say, man, but you don't like your girlfriend leaving that shoe by the door.
00:11:56Like, let's use that for example, honey.
00:11:59Let's mention that to the, hey, baby, you know, I really don't like when they leave that shoe by the door.
00:12:04Then tomorrow, you don't like when she put the key on the rack that a certain way.
00:12:10Hey, baby, you know the key on the rack?
00:12:12Mm-hmm.
00:12:12Mm-hmm.
00:12:12That is, that is, eh, something more that.
00:12:15And they keep doing that for a hundred days.
00:12:17Now, this person's going to feel like, so it's every day something with me then.
00:12:21You have a problem with me then.
00:12:22What is it you like about, you know?
00:12:25Yeah.
00:12:26Well, then, what you're saying is two things.
00:12:29One is, in the first stages of any relationship, you have to do things like that.
00:12:33Yeah.
00:12:33Right?
00:12:33I remember the first year of marriage is really, I like this, I do like this, I like this, I do like this.
00:12:38This, this, this up and down until you find out.
00:12:40Because you're willing to, to live with someone.
00:12:43Right.
00:12:43And let me say, even outside of marriage, boyfriend and girlfriend, when they're now getting to know each other, you would say the things you like, you would say the things you don't like.
00:12:50Mm-hmm.
00:12:50So then, what, what you're saying is, one, we should also balance that truth with positive things.
00:12:57Mm-hmm.
00:12:57Mm-hmm.
00:12:57Right?
00:12:58And that's what I'm hearing, and I like that.
00:12:59And then, two, the reality of any relationship is, in the first stage, you really need to go through these things, you know?
00:13:05Because maybe, maybe now we're thinking, it's the first stages of a relationship, and maybe let's call it the honeymoon stage.
00:13:10But maybe the honeymoon stage is our, is our facade.
00:13:14Mm-hmm.
00:13:14Because we really should be saying in those early stages, I really don't like this thing.
00:13:18See, that's putting up with whoever.
00:13:19Yeah.
00:13:20Because the one thing that you have is, I don't want to, I mean, this is, this is, as always, it's a very good convo, but we're speaking a lot specifically about relationships.
00:13:29Yeah.
00:13:30But, but we, the context is men and women.
00:13:33So, it could be your female friends, it could be your colleagues, it could be a sister, it could be a mother.
00:13:39But generally, can a man or woman handle the truth?
00:13:44I mean, and yes, you know, because it's both genders, you want to ask, you know, who can handle it probably better?
00:13:51And you can't say presence by saying men can handle it better.
00:13:55Mm-hmm.
00:13:55I didn't get the feeling, Shibon, that you fully agreed with that.
00:13:58But I, I don't fully agree, as I, I think if we have to really extend, get a more extensive answer, I would say it is subjective to the person.
00:14:07Because I've seen both instances where women handle the truth better than men, or they didn't handle it better than men.
00:14:13But I guess for, for this conversation, if I had to go with the easiest answer, the quickest answer that comes to mind, I would say men.
00:14:21And that would have been based on what I have seen, what I've experienced.
00:14:25And I know you, you, I know you have some things to say about ego, male and female ego.
00:14:30So, even if they're both the same size, I feel like men are more driven or would react with their ego than women.
00:14:38I feel like we kind of suppress that or, you know what I mean?
00:14:42But does it, does it, if we're talking about male and female egos here, are we saying that it depends on what is attacked for, for, for, you know, for, so, so, for example.
00:14:54Okay.
00:14:55If, if the male is being attacked based on his masculinity, or if we go back to the innate Neanderthal approach of men being the hunter and women being the nurturer, if you attack a man based on that aspect of it, like, you know, you can't provide and you can't do this.
00:15:13Whereas if you may say the same things to a woman, her reaction might be different because it's a different subject.
00:15:21But if I know a attacker on your bad mother, then, you might get a bigger reaction, like, you know.
00:15:29As Siobhan said, it's based on a person as well.
00:15:32It's based on your maturity level and the relationship you have with the person where it'd be your auntie, sister, cousin, or a partner.
00:15:39It's a certain things that men identify strongly with, like, as you said, providing.
00:15:47Like, I'm a young man and I identify strongly with providing.
00:15:50Like, if you talk to, if my mother ever see, like, because my mom live with me.
00:15:56Like, if my mom just see, you don't have it, like, you can't, the bills, like.
00:16:02You can't mind me.
00:16:03You can't take care of me.
00:16:04That will rip me apart.
00:16:05And even when I'm in a relationship, like, I tend to, like, yo, nah, don't pay for that.
00:16:10Like, don't do that.
00:16:11Like, I have it.
00:16:12That's only because it's a certain things where, like, you identify with.
00:16:15Like, as a man, I feel like I have to do that.
00:16:18That's just my role as a man.
00:16:20So, if somebody attacks that, naturally, you will be, you'll respond and you'll feel like an ego.
00:16:25It's good.
00:16:25You're a journalist.
00:16:26If I come and I tell you you like sports, I say, well, Robert, do you know about sports?
00:16:30You, you're not good.
00:16:32You're going to be like, I don't know about sports.
00:16:34I see sportsman.
00:16:35I like the imitation, too.
00:16:37I see sportsman, naturally.
00:16:39Or I might agree with you.
00:16:41I might say, hey.
00:16:42Or you can be mature enough to be firm in yourself and just be like, cool.
00:16:46Like, if somebody say, hey, Junior Lee, you're not funny on stage.
00:16:49Cool.
00:16:50Because you know.
00:16:51Like, I make money doing it.
00:16:52Like, I'm good.
00:16:52And this is your area of expertise.
00:16:54You're not going to let somebody who doesn't know what you do and what it takes to be you and be in your position tell you.
00:17:00Anybody could say anything.
00:17:02It's how you let that, I guess, affect you.
00:17:03So if I tell you you're not funny, right, that's just my opinion.
00:17:08Yeah.
00:17:08And opinions are like, ****, everybody has one.
00:17:11So I'm saying that.
00:17:12But it's the same thing in relationships.
00:17:14Like, your partner could have an opinion and that don't necessarily mean that it's the reality.
00:17:19Like, I have an uncle.
00:17:21He's been married for years and his wife told him something a day.
00:17:25Oh, no, actually, that was my uncle.
00:17:26That's my father.
00:17:27His wife told him something a day.
00:17:29And, like, rather than arguing with her, he said he sat down.
00:17:34He let the day pass.
00:17:35And when he woke up in the morning, he said, hey, will you tell me last night that is not me?
00:17:39Like, you said that was the anger.
00:17:41And that is not who I am.
00:17:42So you're painting a picture of me in your brain that do exist.
00:17:46And, like, when they had a conversation, she said, yeah, I really just said those things out of anger.
00:17:51So you as a man and as a woman, you had to know, like, all right, this person is angry.
00:17:56So they're talking out of anger here.
00:17:59So I just go in and I'll allow you to speak out of anger.
00:18:01And, like, with my, should I say that?
00:18:05In my relationships.
00:18:09It's all confidential.
00:18:11Yes.
00:18:12It's between the four of us here.
00:18:13So, like, in my relationship, like, just recently I had an argument and I was beaming on the phone.
00:18:22But I, like, I didn't blow up because I've learned over the years because I've been a person a little bit.
00:18:27So I've learned I don't have to blow up.
00:18:29I don't have to, I don't have to be like that.
00:18:32But I was calm.
00:18:33I was like, I don't appreciate this.
00:18:36And within me being calm, I said some things, but I said it calm.
00:18:39And she was like, you're seeing those things because you're upset right now.
00:18:45And normally that would trigger me and this kid's turning to have big arguments.
00:18:49But I'm not going to allow you to do that today.
00:18:52And the day after, I revisit what I was saying.
00:18:55And I was like, yeah, I was really just seeing those things because I was upset.
00:18:58I was really upset because I already get my points across.
00:19:01But, hey, I find you're not really bothered by what I'm saying.
00:19:04So let me, I'm bitter for a little bit with my words.
00:19:06So what, what, what, what is the, what is the root is, is, is, is, is what you're really trying to, trying to get to.
00:19:12So that, that might have been a trigger.
00:19:14Yeah.
00:19:14But the root could have been the fact that you just don't like how she reacts or not reacts to a particular.
00:19:20We have to take a short break.
00:19:21A lot, a lot of good convo here.
00:19:23Yep.
00:19:24The topic, can men and women handle the truth?
00:19:34So thanks for staying up with us for a very riveting and exciting conversation.
00:19:47One that, that, that can really bring about a culmination of most of the conversations that we've had.
00:19:54What can men and women handle the truth?
00:19:57And there's so many areas, feelings, compromise, breakups, which ties into feelings.
00:20:02And sexual performance, sexual performance being a very, very big one.
00:20:08But before we went to the break, Javel was making a really good point about conversations that you have.
00:20:14And is, in an argument, is the, what you're actually discussing or arguing about, is that actually what, what's wrong?
00:20:25I mean, it might be a small part of it, but sometimes what is the root cause, the deeper meaning behind someone leaving their socks there?
00:20:33Because if everything was perfect, would that really make a difference?
00:20:36It might be you feeling disrespected.
00:20:38You're feeling that, you know, I just cleaned the place.
00:20:41You know, you don't, you don't love me anymore.
00:20:43And it's all of these things, that snowball effect, because we might not be seeing these small truths.
00:20:48And as Johansi pointed out, even if you're giving these small truths, not only it's a matter of how you say it, but also the affirmations that you give along the way with that small truth that allows them to say,
00:21:02you know what, leaving the fridge door open, I understand why it might be a pet peeve.
00:21:09It's not something, whether it is a pet peeve or not, it's out of respect, like, you know, is it really taking anything out of me to close the fridge door?
00:21:16Because actually it does waste energy.
00:21:18Am I doing this to be antagonistic?
00:21:21All of the, and why am I doing it to be antagonistic?
00:21:23Am I trying to also get attention?
00:21:25Or is it just me?
00:21:26Or is it just me?
00:21:27Correct.
00:21:28So when you do your own introspection, and some of the things I realize in an argument with anyone or any sort of heated discussion,
00:21:36when someone's at 80, you cannot be at even 30.
00:21:40There's the 80-20 rule.
00:21:41There's only 100%.
00:21:43So if you're at 80 and somebody's at 30, then there's clearly going to be an imbalance.
00:21:49So if they're at 80, you need to be at 20, at the very most.
00:21:52And that comes with weighting.
00:21:54So when you're writing a letter, for example, an email at work, and you want to send it to somebody, and you have all this pent up, and then you're seeing all of these different things.
00:22:03Sometimes, apart from grammatical errors, when you go back and you say, wow, they didn't punctuate this properly, you may realize that I don't want to send this anymore.
00:22:11Because you've come down.
00:22:13And looking at that and having that pause, being a bit pensive sometimes in your actions, taking a moment.
00:22:20You know, my grandmother would always say, you know, put your brain in gear before you put your mouth in motion.
00:22:25It may help defuse some of these things, but in defusing it in an argument doesn't mean to suppress.
00:22:34You just choose your battle.
00:22:36You choose if it means enough to you, because you might realize these socks don't really mean a lot to me.
00:22:40But if it means enough to you that you realize, listen, this could start to degrade or pick away or, you know, you're chiseling up, you know, little bits, little bits, little bits at the relationship.
00:22:50And women, as you hear in relationships as well, in that suppression, reach to a point that there's no return.
00:22:57They've suppressed so long that by the time you realize, oh, this is happening, that's what your men may be, done.
00:23:06In her mind, lock off looking at that next man.
00:23:09So I think women are really good observers, and I've come to the realization that people don't necessarily do things to be malicious.
00:23:20You leave in the socks where you're not supposed to leave it, leave in the fridge open.
00:23:24You're not doing it because you want to bad mind me.
00:23:27Not always.
00:23:27Well, this is granted you like the person and you love the person you're being with.
00:23:32I would hope so.
00:23:32I would hope so, that you're not intentionally being malicious, but if I have communicated to you that I don't like when you leave the socks or I don't like when you leave the refrigerator open and you repeat it and it continues, that's when it becomes problematic to me because I've expressed that I don't like this.
00:23:48So then why do you continue to do it when it's a simple thing?
00:23:52Not simple, but go ahead.
00:23:54Well, I feel like it's a simple enough of a habit that you could just break.
00:23:58So I had that conversation with someone.
00:24:00You could just work?
00:24:01Break.
00:24:01A simple habit.
00:24:03That is it?
00:24:04Okay.
00:24:06Go ahead now.
00:24:06Go ahead.
00:24:06I'll leave.
00:24:07What's happening right now?
00:24:08A little awkward pause there, but okay.
00:24:11So I had a conversation with someone where they were doing something repetitively and I would have asked them multiple times not to do it.
00:24:21And I just asked them casually, I was like, how come you don't, why do you do X, Y, Z?
00:24:26And they kind of just looked at me and I'd be like, I would have expressed before that I don't like when you do X, Y, Z.
00:24:31And they said yes, they considered it.
00:24:33And very calm, again, the approach.
00:24:37And it's like, no, I don't.
00:24:39It's like, is there a reason why you don't or you do X, Y, Z?
00:24:43Like, if you tell me I want to know Y as well, maybe there's something that I don't know is behind your actions.
00:24:48And they were like, no, there really isn't any reason.
00:24:51No.
00:24:52I see that there.
00:24:53I think that is a problem because human behavior is thought into feeling into action.
00:24:58There's always a motivation behind.
00:25:00So if we cannot connect, the person, male or female, cannot connect with Y, then there will be a problem because then they can't explain it to you.
00:25:08Or therefore, even the behavior change cannot exist or cannot occur because they don't even connect to the reason why.
00:25:15Okay.
00:25:15So you think that they don't know why at the root of it.
00:25:18They can't answer that themselves.
00:25:20So the easiest thing.
00:25:21Yeah, so therefore it can't change.
00:25:21So the easiest thing for them to say is there is no reason, but there is.
00:25:24They just don't know.
00:25:25Always have a reason.
00:25:27A reason is not that it's just why it is new?
00:25:30No.
00:25:30Okay, I cannot stop that.
00:25:32So, for example, when you see there's always a reason, let's get specific.
00:25:37So if the action, because with you getting upset by it, you can also look at a different perspective and say, does it really bother me that much that I'm going to cause a big issue about it, right?
00:25:47But in terms of the action, having a reason.
00:25:50So leaving a fridge door open, my reason behind it, so there's no reason why I leave it open is because I'm telling myself, whether consciously or subconsciously, I'm just going there to get this glass and I'm going to come back and put it in there.
00:26:03So that's my reason.
00:26:05There's not a reason why I'm doing it to annoy her, even though she's mentioned it several times.
00:26:10But you're not doing it to annoy her, right?
00:26:13But there's a reason why I'm leaving it open.
00:26:15The reason why, as you said, because you're just going somewhere close to just getting the glass to leave it open, right?
00:26:22Let me go back a little bit to what you all were saying.
00:26:27Emotions, you're saying, in terms of when you're angry, sometimes emotions, you say things and you want to know why.
00:26:32And you explained you wanted to get a certain reaction or you wasn't getting a reaction.
00:26:36We human beings are so complex.
00:26:40Sometimes we don't understand how exactly complex we are.
00:26:43And if you go with a simple concept of thought into feeling into action, I listened to a lecture recently that says they were explaining exactly what emotions and feelings are.
00:26:54And one person said, and it resonated with me, is that we experience so much stimuli, right, that your brain sometimes cannot process it.
00:27:04And a feeling is your brain's summary of what's going on.
00:27:08So when you're happy, it's because so many things happen, your brain says, okay, just get happy, sad, angry, et cetera, because I have so many things going on.
00:27:17And I sat and I thought about that because even in a relationship, we talk about the sucks.
00:27:22The sucks means something from childhood and so many processes happening.
00:27:26And then me leaving it there means so many things.
00:27:29And so in my one action, it has, let's say, 10 processes.
00:27:33And in your observation of the action, you have 10 processes.
00:27:36If we don't take the time to really connect with it, and that's why I was saying in the first stages of a relationship, why we should be just open about everything.
00:27:47This is why.
00:27:48Why?
00:27:48Why?
00:27:48Why?
00:27:49And there's a reason why.
00:27:50To even connect with it so that we could understand each other better.
00:27:54Now, I don't know.
00:27:55I could put in a little bit of biology there and say because of how men make up and how women make up, we could interpret these things differently and how men process emotions and how women process emotions differently.
00:28:06Also, we spoke over that before.
00:28:08But I think it's a lot of understanding yourself first, right, understanding your truth, knowing what is your truth.
00:28:15Because the fact is, I like to leave the fridge open, right, because you have a logical reason.
00:28:22It might be logical to someone else, but that makes the most sense to you because why are you taking energy to close the fridge and open it back?
00:28:29Can I take that extra, a bit extra further?
00:28:31Okay, you do that, but then you forget the fridge open.
00:28:37What if that is what happens in this scenario?
00:28:39That is what gets me upset.
00:28:40The fact that you do that, I understand the logic, but then you are the type of person, you're very forgetful.
00:28:45And then 10 minutes after, well, you go on and eat in your food, you say, shucks, I forget the fridge open.
00:28:50So, so much so that that's the habit.
00:28:52I have been that.
00:28:53So, right, but then I'm saying, so if you know that you, okay, give me a little chance.
00:28:59No, meaning like I'm a fridge, I'm a lever.
00:29:01So, if that is what happens more often than not, then why not go to the root of that, which is just close the fridge to begin with.
00:29:11If you know you're going to forget it, take Saturday frost, then why not just, you know, just close the door.
00:29:17But I'm not doing it to annoy my partner.
00:29:19Even though I know it does annoy her, I'm not consciously doing my reason behind leaving it open or even forgetting is not based, it is not tied to annoying her, whether I like her or not.
00:29:32Now, I just wanted to touch on the fact when you mentioned if you loved someone or you like someone, you wouldn't do certain things to aggravate them.
00:29:39That's not true because if I'm looking, as Javel pointed out with regards to what he really wanted, even in the argument, is to be recognized in specific ways.
00:29:51If I'm having, you know, that bout of silent treatment argument and I know, okay, you know what, there are some muttons I could touch it, right?
00:30:01I'm going to leave the fridge open.
00:30:03I'm going to leave the drawers on the ground.
00:30:05You understand?
00:30:05I'm going to leave the tap leak in.
00:30:07My thing is, it's something to get a rise out of that person to get a reaction, which brings me to where I want the basis of the rest of this manhood to go.
00:30:19We talk about breakups and sexual performance and I want to presence it.
00:30:26When men have breakups, and well, men and women, and we speak about, or men and men, women and women, just talk about the gender.
00:30:35And even that, that might be a touchy subject, right?
00:30:39For all intents and purposes, male and female.
00:30:43And we speak about, you always say a woman, when she reaches to that point, can make the cutoff.
00:30:51She may cry for six months, a year, whatever the case may be.
00:30:53And this is not a generalization.
00:30:55This is just based on some of the interactions that I've seen or heard or in research.
00:31:00Whereas a man tends to linger based on that ego, always thinking to himself, it's not really done.
00:31:07Or they could be attacked back.
00:31:08Or she will be remembering how I handle the scene.
00:31:11All of these different things.
00:31:12And in that tying in, what you find that you see men do in certain environments, is that they keep prodding.
00:31:23If they have a breakup, they will keep doing things.
00:31:25And instead of going to the woman and saying, okay, well, it's done.
00:31:30I move on.
00:31:31I loved you.
00:31:32All of these different things.
00:31:34You tend to do certain things that are antagonistic.
00:31:36So if it's you have children, you may do things, and females, because I remember a story you gave me, where you do things to ensure the woman doesn't get some, whether it's money, or you tell her just really vile stuff.
00:31:56And you think that you're doing things to get a rise out of that person.
00:32:01And it's almost sick, in a way, that in trying to get the rise out of her in a negative way, you think somehow that's going to bring her back to you.
00:32:10And I don't, you're looking at me in a...
00:32:13I don't get the logic, too.
00:32:15But I've experienced something similar to that as well.
00:32:18What is the logic behind that, Johansi?
00:32:20Why do we do something negative, hoping for a positive?
00:32:24Let me talk about ego then, right?
00:32:27Ego, and I'm open to interpretations here, right?
00:32:32Ego is something that always wants to be recognized and always wants things his or her way, right?
00:32:39Let me go with ego.
00:32:40No matter what the world is, I want things my way.
00:32:43I want people to see me.
00:32:45I want to always be the, quote, unquote, best.
00:32:47It's always about me.
00:32:49So therefore, one, I premise in, because I don't think it's a male or female thing.
00:32:54It depends on our developmental, our emotionally developmental stage.
00:32:58So we talk about getting the rise out of somebody.
00:33:00That is the ego, you know?
00:33:02The ego wants a certain reaction from that person.
00:33:05So whether it is sex we're talking about, whether it is a breakup or argument, I want,
00:33:10I think this person should be reacting this way to whatever I'm doing.
00:33:14And if they're not, then I'll rise up the ante on it.
00:33:18Or I will say worse things because I'm talking nicely to the person and I'm really getting reaction.
00:33:22So you know what?
00:33:23Forget you.
00:33:24You're a thing.
00:33:25I'll even suck it just in case.
00:33:27And you know what?
00:33:27The ego feel good because the person now getting a reaction.
00:33:32So even though it mightn't be a positive reaction because your ego is still feeling good here, boy.
00:33:37I get this person vexed.
00:33:39I get this person to react as a certain.
00:33:40I get this person vexed.
00:33:42It's more like, I get this person to understand where I'm coming from.
00:33:45Because sometimes...
00:33:46Well, do they even understand with all that?
00:33:48Most times, no.
00:33:49Most times, no.
00:33:50But because of the reaction, you can interpret it as they understand.
00:33:53Your ego will change.
00:33:54You have to think that.
00:33:55Because, all right, if you have a big issue, it's some issue to your boyfriend, right?
00:34:00And you tell him, hey, I find me really using this socks on the fridge thing.
00:34:05You have an issue, you say, yo, I have an issue with this.
00:34:08And then I say, all right, boy.
00:34:10But it's a big issue for you.
00:34:11This is a real huge issue for you.
00:34:14All right, boy.
00:34:16You're not going to accept that because you're going to think...
00:34:19Die's all?
00:34:19Die all, so you don't care how I feel then.
00:34:21And then it goes on to something else or something else.
00:34:24And let me just say, the person leaving the fridge, they're open.
00:34:28That could be a reaction to something that you just do that they're not telling you about.
00:34:33So it's like, but you just do this.
00:34:35And I don't tell you nothing.
00:34:36So why are you telling me about why I just do this?
00:34:39When I don't even...
00:34:40But then how can I even address it if I'm unaware?
00:34:44Because...
00:34:44What is good for the goose must be good for the gander.
00:34:47Shiv, I think you want a mute, dark hole.
00:34:49Somebody really trying to get your...
00:34:50That's not me.
00:34:50Now you're hands, everyone.
00:34:51Now you're hands.
00:34:52Stop being distracted.
00:34:53Somebody really trying to get in on this conversation.
00:34:57So like, that's how I would interpret it.
00:35:00Like maybe your partner don't feel like they could talk to you.
00:35:05Or they probably think, yo, you're going to take this the wrong way if I tell you this.
00:35:10So it's better I not tell you that.
00:35:11So that's maybe why your auntie would say men could probably accept the truth easier than more men.
00:35:17It's how real men who just be in relationships and don't say nothing about anything.
00:35:22Because they know, all right, my partner will go and feel a type of way about me saying this.
00:35:27So it's better I just...
00:35:28It's not that...
00:35:29It's not really affecting me that much.
00:35:31So...
00:35:31To keep the peace.
00:35:32Yeah.
00:35:33So cool.
00:35:34Whatever.
00:35:34So that in itself, we have to go to a break.
00:35:38And that in itself is another...
00:35:40I feel this one is going to go on a bit longer.
00:35:42Yeah.
00:35:42As we've seen a couple others.
00:35:44Because the topic is important.
00:35:46You know, how you pointed out the need to have that ego fed regardless is still a win, whether it's a negative or a positive.
00:35:55And as you mentioned, with regards to how that's being perceived, could also bring about the other topic where people, you know, they always say men don't communicate.
00:36:04True.
00:36:04And a lot of times, just listen, I'd rather hear that in my ears, rather just don't say anything.
00:36:11But you still, if you want a certain...
00:36:14If that's your love language and you want it, all that then happens is you'll go where you could get it.
00:36:19Yeah.
00:36:19Where you're not getting that in your ears.
00:36:22Yeah.
00:36:22What are you getting in my hair?
00:36:23I ain't.
00:36:23Like, quick story before we...
00:36:27Real quick story, because you have to go to a break.
00:36:28After your story, go to the break.
00:36:30Like, as you were saying with ego and respect and stuff like that, right?
00:36:33Like, I think I am a great provider.
00:36:36Like, I think I would go up my way to provider.
00:36:38I'd sit on this one person I was with.
00:36:40And, like, I was running late for something.
00:36:42And, like, I didn't iron my closers yet.
00:36:44So I was like, you can just iron this real quick for me.
00:36:47Because I was just lying on the bed now.
00:36:48I was like, yeah, iron this real quick for me.
00:36:50I was going to take a shower and I want to head out.
00:36:52And, like, the reaction was like, gosh.
00:36:56So I was like, yo, like, you can iron something for me.
00:36:59And I'm asking you to be a housewife.
00:37:01And I was asking you to iron a shirt for me.
00:37:04Like, I just need this shit.
00:37:06And, like, a couple of days passed and I was feeling...
00:37:09Like, I was like, damn, like, that's so weird now.
00:37:11Like, I would iron something normal.
00:37:13And, like, when we had a conversation about it, she was like...
00:37:15When she was younger, like, people used to always make an iron.
00:37:19And I used to make a feeler type of way.
00:37:21So it kind of ties back into the person upbringing with whatever they have going on.
00:37:25You never know.
00:37:26Yeah, and that's a story by Junior Lee.
00:37:27And we go into a break.
00:37:28Welcome back to Manhood, folks.
00:37:42Thank you for joining us.
00:37:43I am Siobhan.
00:37:44Thanks for having me.
00:37:45Yes, I am the only female on manhood.
00:37:49But we're having some good conversations.
00:37:51And I think they're very necessary.
00:37:53Can men and women handle the truth?
00:37:56So we get into the spicier side of things now.
00:38:00I know earlier we mentioned, you know, we like to hit people where it hurts sometimes.
00:38:05If you feel like we're not being hurt, right?
00:38:07And I feel like one of the major ones, I've never used it personally myself,
00:38:12but we've seen it on Hurt it time and time again,
00:38:15where when a woman really wants to hit a man where it hurts, no pun intended,
00:38:19you either go for the financials, like them as a provider, or sexual prowess.
00:38:24So you'd be like, I leave in here, or they say something, X, Y, Z, die, y, x, mall.
00:38:31You know what I mean?
00:38:32Because they know it will impact them in a way that will be like, well, wow.
00:38:38You know?
00:38:38So I think that is another area where men also cannot handle the truth.
00:38:48Wow.
00:38:49So, I mean, as important, Javel, you're like, you're hungry.
00:38:52I think you're stubborn.
00:38:53I really didn't have breakfast, I don't know.
00:38:55That's right.
00:38:56We didn't have breakfast for the week.
00:38:57Do you want to say something, Javel?
00:38:59Stomach?
00:39:00Do you have something to say?
00:39:01I have something to have a stomach.
00:39:02So, yeah, I think that's definitely an area where men get quite defensive.
00:39:12If I could just, I guess, give an experience.
00:39:14For me personally, I would have been with someone who didn't like me getting involved in the bedroom.
00:39:22What do you mean?
00:39:23In the act.
00:39:24He don't want to do nothing.
00:39:25He didn't want me to do anything to assist myself in the process, right?
00:39:32Right.
00:39:33So I remember that happening and they were like, well, what are you doing?
00:39:36And I was just, you know, you want to try something different and...
00:39:40Siobhan, you could spell it out.
00:39:42This is manhood.
00:39:42We need to speak for a lot of people who want to be in parables right now.
00:39:45You just...
00:39:47They didn't want me to pleasure myself while we were pleasuring each other in the act.
00:39:54You know, they...
00:39:56Not...
00:39:56Not that one.
00:39:57Not this one.
00:39:59Okay.
00:40:01And what did you take from that?
00:40:02Like, what would you understand as a reason?
00:40:04So, in the moment, you know, because things are happening, functioning is functioning.
00:40:08And then, you know, it just continues.
00:40:10Like, okay, fine.
00:40:10And then after we had the conversation, I'm like, well, what is the issue?
00:40:14I don't really see an issue in.
00:40:15But it made them feel emasculated.
00:40:18They literally said...
00:40:19The person, he said that to me.
00:40:20It made me feel emasculated that I am not able to get you to that point of pleasure.
00:40:25You feel like you need to get involved.
00:40:28Now, is that because of...
00:40:29Is that because of the size?
00:40:30Or was it that something that you could have said, hey, well, you could do this that will
00:40:35help me get off and get him involved?
00:40:38Or is it that he felt conscious about the fact that, you know, you're more on the motion
00:40:44in the ocean than the...
00:40:45Well, for me, it's...
00:40:47We had this conversation.
00:40:50For me, you know, everybody want to talk about size.
00:40:53But size does matter.
00:40:56But to explain that, you can also be too big.
00:40:59You can also be too big.
00:41:01So, for me, it's more about the motion in the ocean, you know?
00:41:05And he didn't have the motion.
00:41:06He had the motion in the ocean.
00:41:09It was...
00:41:09It wasn't bad.
00:41:10It wasn't bad sex.
00:41:11But I'm just saying, sometimes you want to try something different.
00:41:13The size of the ship was more like a pirog.
00:41:16Yeah.
00:41:16So...
00:41:17Yeah, it's...
00:41:17All you're concentrating on the side.
00:41:19You know what pirog is?
00:41:20Well, what is happening when we focus?
00:41:23I am trying to...
00:41:24I am trying to...
00:41:24So, let me tell you.
00:41:25So, I've had both...
00:41:27Wait, wait, are you on?
00:41:28You had a cruise ship?
00:41:29I had a cruise ship.
00:41:31And I've also had...
00:41:33A pirog.
00:41:34Where a pi...
00:41:35Oh, between the pirog and the moora.
00:41:39Oh, my God.
00:41:40And...
00:41:41I couldn't get along.
00:41:41But he had the motion in the ocean.
00:41:43And it was good.
00:41:44So, it was better than the person who had the...
00:41:47What was it?
00:41:49The cruise ship.
00:41:50What am I...
00:41:51The...
00:41:51Yeah.
00:41:52Right.
00:41:52It's like...
00:41:53Like, this is the...
00:41:54That was it.
00:41:54The cruise ship.
00:41:56That was the freedom sign.
00:41:57The cruise ship.
00:41:58Right?
00:41:59Oh, my God.
00:42:00This is going to be the thumbnail.
00:42:01I'm sure this is going to be the thumbnail.
00:42:03Right.
00:42:03It was all of that.
00:42:04But you didn't know what to do with it.
00:42:06You didn't know what to do with it.
00:42:07So, then what is the point?
00:42:09But...
00:42:09So, I think it depends definitely on your ability to...
00:42:14But then that's the thing.
00:42:15So, this person who had the motion in the ocean, I don't know if because it was smaller,
00:42:18they felt like...
00:42:19They had to pay me work.
00:42:20Yeah, and me getting involved was also saying, yeah, is it because my dick is smaller that
00:42:28I need to over...
00:42:29And I don't want her to do anything.
00:42:31So, I never did anything up to that point.
00:42:33And from the time I did that, they were just like, no, don't ever...
00:42:37And that was a red flag for me because it made me feel uncomfortable.
00:42:42Like, we are having such a...
00:42:43We're together.
00:42:44We're partners.
00:42:45You know, we are having this intimate moment.
00:42:47You should spice it up.
00:42:47Yeah, and you're making me feel uncomfortable to try new things with you, to do things with
00:42:53you.
00:42:54So, I said, okay, I'm receptive because, again, it's a very delicate thing.
00:42:59Topic, right?
00:43:00So, I'm like, I hear what you say, but I didn't see it that way.
00:43:04So, how long did you take before you're on?
00:43:06I've never cheated on anybody.
00:43:08But is that because of principles and morals or is that simply because...
00:43:11You see what's up when you're lying?
00:43:13You see what's up when you're lying?
00:43:15It's just a sort of malfunction.
00:43:17That's good.
00:43:18You see, good?
00:43:19It's focused, guys.
00:43:20It's focused.
00:43:20Hey, we're Ryan.
00:43:21You know, let's...
00:43:23It's always a topic that always seems to be comedic, funny.
00:43:28People, sometimes, a lot of times, people are very uncomfortable with the conversation,
00:43:31but it's a very real conversation because that conversation, this topic that we're talking
00:43:36about here, leads to serious levels of violence, violence between partners, violence with other
00:43:44people, violence of the man committing it to maybe another man who he may feel is, like
00:43:50you said, if he becomes the whona man.
00:43:52So, the levels that it goes to takes it out of the bedroom and into an environment that
00:43:58needs to be understood.
00:43:59So, let's take, for example, your P-Rock guy, right, who might have been better motion
00:44:06in the ocean.
00:44:08Is it that he himself might be aware of, you know, we see the detriment of things like
00:44:14porn that's having on relationships, et cetera, right?
00:44:19And what that's doing to people.
00:44:21And as a result, he's thinking, listen, I'm not Mandingo, right?
00:44:25But that's his insecurity.
00:44:27You're thinking, hey, let me just do what it takes in order for us to be part of this
00:44:32relationship.
00:44:33Yeah.
00:44:34The question then is, one, would it have been enough going forward for you?
00:44:40And if you can answer that honestly, at what point, because he's thinking it, do you think
00:44:46he can handle the truth?
00:44:47Like, would you tell him, hey, you know, you're better at this, and we're okay with doing
00:44:51this because you're small?
00:44:54Or I've had...
00:44:55I've never said a person small.
00:44:56No, but we know we talked about...
00:44:58It was the smallest, yeah.
00:44:59Smallest.
00:45:00It was...
00:45:01But smallest don't mean small.
00:45:02It was average size.
00:45:05So, but I'm saying I would have had, right, that person was average size.
00:45:07And there was someone else who was bigger, but bigger doesn't mean better.
00:45:12I'm telling that to all the cameras, bigger doesn't mean better.
00:45:14And what we noticed, I don't...
00:45:15I feel like women...
00:45:16I feel like men have that in their head that they need to have a big...
00:45:19But would you tell him the truth, regardless of whether it's size, whether it's performance, would
00:45:25you tell him the truth in terms of how you really feel in that moment?
00:45:31Like, hey, you know, you ain't...
00:45:32I think time and place.
00:45:34Oh, God, we can't be in the act and then...
00:45:35Not in the act, I'm told.
00:45:36But I would have...
00:45:38So, the person who had the cruise ship, I would have, you know, expressed to them that...
00:45:43Because they asked me, am I the best that you've had?
00:45:45And I said, no.
00:45:46And that was...
00:45:48That was a very silent drive.
00:45:52Man, this is...
00:45:53I want to come here.
00:45:54Yeah, yeah.
00:45:55Hear this, hear this, hear this.
00:45:55Do you think, do you think you are...
00:45:57Hear this.
00:46:00Human behavior.
00:46:01Listen, there are so many little things we talk about.
00:46:03And because we don't talk about sex a lot, it'll have even more intricacies with that.
00:46:08And everybody different.
00:46:10Because, okay, we're talking about size, big or small.
00:46:13But even a woman herself, her size is different.
00:46:17So, if a man big for one person, it could be medium size for the next one.
00:46:20If a man small, et cetera.
00:46:22Karma Sutra.
00:46:23So, it have so many...
00:46:24It have so many different dynamics.
00:46:27So, that's why when we're talking about coming back with the truth of it, right?
00:46:31The truth is, can men or women handle the truth?
00:46:35Now, I think my conclusion is it's really not a man or a woman thing.
00:46:40It's really a human thing because, in a moment, you should be able to tell somebody what is going on.
00:46:48Whether it is in sex.
00:46:49Whether it is in a relationship.
00:46:51Whether it is even in a platonic relationship.
00:46:53To be able to tell a person.
00:46:55But, to be able to tell that person what is really going on, you ought to know what the a** is going on with you.
00:47:01You ought to know why.
00:47:02If a woman touching herself during it, it's doing something to me.
00:47:06The man who had the cruise ship, he probably knew he had a cruise ship.
00:47:10So, in his mind, every time, it had to be.
00:47:12So, that would even ask you, that is the best he ever had?
00:47:15Right?
00:47:16So, it's even understanding yourself.
00:47:19Understanding the truth of yourself.
00:47:21That you can be able to stand up on it.
00:47:23Like, Javel, what you're saying about, you know you're a good provider.
00:47:28Right?
00:47:28And, like we say, your market is, I could provide $10,000 in resources every month.
00:47:33No matter if somebody says, well, you're not a good provider.
00:47:35You know, I could provide that $10,000.
00:47:37Yeah.
00:47:37So, you could stand up on your own.
00:47:39If you're a journalist, we talk about you're a journalist.
00:47:41If you know you're a good journalist, no matter what the person say, you could do it.
00:47:45Now, sex is a little different.
00:47:46Yeah.
00:47:46Because sex is something you're having with someone.
00:47:49So, all the skills I may know with Susie, when I reach Mary, Mary might have a whole different thing.
00:47:56So, you could be an expert with Susie, but you're not an expert with Mary.
00:48:00So, to be able to listen to Mary, to hear something, I think that's the part about handling the truth.
00:48:07And I was going to say, like, that man is a mad man.
00:48:12The man who had a problem with you doing your thing.
00:48:14Because, like, if you were somebody as a man or as a woman, like, you need to understand, like, yo, this person like this.
00:48:22Or the dude like this.
00:48:23And you had to have that conversation, like, I am, I just don't know my dingo.
00:48:28But I just listen.
00:48:29Like, no, I know what will work for my partner.
00:48:31Unless if it's, like, a one jam with somebody, then don't whatever happen, happen.
00:48:35Because it's a one jam.
00:48:36But, like, if it's a partner, like, you'll have them kind of conversations, like, like, Dan, you can't meet my c*** with your, with your, with your, um.
00:48:45Pirog.
00:48:45With your Pirog.
00:48:46And I think.
00:48:47I need to help myself.
00:48:47And I think.
00:48:48I need to help myself.
00:48:49And I can tell, like, you don't really do it for me.
00:48:52Now you have to do this to get me there and.
00:48:56Communicate.
00:48:56And just.
00:48:57But most men, most men don't really care, right?
00:48:59And just to put it out there.
00:49:00Well, I guess if we go in men and women and truth, I would say a lot of men just don't really care.
00:49:05Yeah.
00:49:05So that's why I would say a lot of times men couldn't handle the truth.
00:49:08Yeah.
00:49:08Men just want a jam, though.
00:49:09Men just want a jam.
00:49:11So that person with the Pirog, they also put a lot of, they focused on their climaxing, you know?
00:49:20A lot of the time, me climaxing wasn't a priority.
00:49:23If it happened, it happened.
00:49:24If it didn't, well, you know?
00:49:25But then I was with a partner who, that was the main goal.
00:49:31You need to feel, as in me.
00:49:33I should want to.
00:49:33I'm like, what?
00:49:34What do you, what do you mean?
00:49:35And I'm feeling like, you know, I've never felt this way where someone was so attentive.
00:49:39It's like, do you like when I do this?
00:49:40Or I realize you like this, so we're going to, I'm going to do this.
00:49:43Or not necessarily like, we didn't sit down with notes or whatever, but it came up in conversation.
00:49:48We're like.
00:49:48I find you do a kind of action.
00:49:50Like.
00:49:51Good, good, good, good.
00:49:52I can remember, man.
00:49:53I can remember, man.
00:49:55I just want to, because we come into the end of this conversation, and it's a very intense one.
00:50:00And I want to bring it back to, this show's title, Manhood, Better as Brothers, it's about coming together, a community, to be able to reach men and young men where they're at.
00:50:16But there's also the other meaning to manhood.
00:50:19And that is where you get anyone, any man, regardless of whether he's strong, whether he's in whatever capacity, that's where you hit them where it's hardest.
00:50:32And men, I always remember, you know, men also use that against other men to be able to say, hey, I handle, I handle a woman.
00:50:40Even you want a man.
00:50:41And he want to make sure, like you said, asking you, is he the best that you have?
00:50:46Because he, you know, I remember this joke where a man says to another man, hey, them, those women saying you're small like a TikTok.
00:50:58And he say that why your mother breathes smell so good.
00:51:01You understand?
00:51:01So, again, it's a quick word, but it is the attacks that we use, and it's always based on your genitalia.
00:51:11But, Robert, you have to be self-aware as a person.
00:51:15Like, you need to be self-aware.
00:51:16Like, Dan, I's not no more than go.
00:51:19So, if you tell me, yo, Junior, you have a small boy.
00:51:22Yeah, good.
00:51:24That's who you're born with.
00:51:24Yeah, what do you want me to do?
00:51:26You are not insecure about it.
00:51:28You're not funny.
00:51:30Okay, that's your opinion.
00:51:31You are the no, and you are the partner with no, yo.
00:51:34Yeah, like that.
00:51:35Am I having sex with you since?
00:51:37So, then how do you?
00:51:38But women, but women.
00:51:39If I wasn't, Chef, I'd have to be making jokes.
00:51:41I'd have to be a man.
00:51:41I'd have to be a man, come to fish.
00:51:43Let me fish.
00:51:43Like, you are the me, you are the me, so.
00:51:47Yeah, I agree.
00:51:48I agree.
00:51:49I agree.
00:51:49You have to understand as well, right?
00:51:51Like, I'd go in and have men who could real jam.
00:51:54I'd go in and have women who could real, it's have ladies who could do things, Chef, wouldn't
00:51:58even dream about doing.
00:52:00And men, like, women have that same, I sure women probably have that same thought as well.
00:52:05Like, I'd go in and have women who could really get on bad.
00:52:09And your man probably had, like, I had partners in the past.
00:52:13Like, my girlfriend, she would have had partners in the past as well.
00:52:16So, they probably did things that I probably wouldn't even think about doing.
00:52:19But I know I had women in the past who do some things that is like, yo.
00:52:24Like what?
00:52:25It's had this out here.
00:52:26You understand?
00:52:27So, like, and then it comes up to compromising the relationship.
00:52:31Like, you're going on.
00:52:32That would compromise.
00:52:33Like, you can make a choice.
00:52:36It's like, this man could real jam, boy.
00:52:39But everything else is shit.
00:52:43And now you have to make a choice.
00:52:45Do I care for sex that much?
00:52:48Where it's like, yo.
00:52:49Yeah, I will stay with this person because you could real jam.
00:52:52But keep in mind, in a couple of years, this is going to die now.
00:52:56It might die.
00:52:57Or you're going to somebody who real love and caring.
00:53:00But it's sex kind of normal.
00:53:02Like, there's decisions you just had to make as men and women now.
00:53:04Do you know my life?
00:53:05I don't want that, like, speaking to me.
00:53:08It's just some men who, most men want to jam every day.
00:53:12Like, most men don't mind jamming every day.
00:53:14But it's rare meeting women that want to have sex every single day.
00:53:20See, I don't make a choice.
00:53:21Like, do I want a woman who will give it to me every time?
00:53:24Or do I want a woman that will give me peace?
00:53:27And that is a decision you have to make.
00:53:28I prefer peace.
00:53:30Like, I can.
00:53:31You have both.
00:53:32I can pelt s**t, but I cannot pelt peace.
00:53:35Like, I need peace.
00:53:38Like, you know what I mean?
00:53:38I just have a lot going on.
00:53:41Pelt peace today.
00:53:42Yeah.
00:53:42I can't pelt peace at now.
00:53:44I just have plenty going on.
00:53:45You can get peace.
00:53:46I can get peace.
00:53:47You can get peace.
00:53:47I can get peace every day.
00:53:49I can jam.
00:53:49But you might feel at peace.
00:53:51Yeah.
00:53:52Like, all right, you feel good for however long.
00:53:54The sex lasts.
00:53:55Then you're driving home.
00:53:56Like, you know, I know jam this year.
00:53:57It's real weird for me.
00:53:59Like, Dinah, I'm necessarily a partner.
00:54:01But go ahead.
00:54:02Go ahead.
00:54:02Go ahead.
00:54:02I want to present something.
00:54:04I just said that, Junika.
00:54:05We have, like I said, we have to wrap up.
00:54:06And we haven't even gotten the part of, you know, we talk about size and all that.
00:54:09But can you finish the race?
00:54:11In terms of, it could be, you know, these songs like Back in My Day with Patron and Lady
00:54:16So and Tanya Stevens thinking, talking about one minute man.
00:54:19You know, and people again.
00:54:21And I wanted to talk to this, Johansi, about the presence of porn.
00:54:24And what porn is doing to our society.
00:54:27But, you know, I had a, like I was telling you guys, I had a very deep conversation with
00:54:31a friend of mine.
00:54:32And part of what he said, and I want, and this is something to look at and I want us to
00:54:37talk about in another conversation with manhood.
00:54:40When he spoke about ejaculation, when someone feels, listen, I want to be a player, or you're
00:54:47masturbating and you're doing these things, the presence of what you consume and what your
00:54:53body, your, your, your sperm is the finest and the most powerful part of a man, right?
00:55:02Human nature.
00:55:02This is, this is, this is the ability to be able to procreate and create life.
00:55:07When you dispel of that, your, what you're doing, if it is, your body is telling itself
00:55:13when it releases, A, I am spreading my seed here.
00:55:17If you're giving your body that on a regular basis, and that's happening, and it's not
00:55:23happening in the environment it's supposed to happen, or it's not actually doing the
00:55:26function it's supposed to do, you, as you start to get lazy, you are now telling yourself
00:55:31in many ways, like, hey, I'm a king, I could relax here.
00:55:34And your body, you're, basically what you're doing is you start to weaken your body based
00:55:40on that, as opposed to putting your body in a certain element of survival mode.
00:55:43That when it comes to it, and you actually are there to, to say, have that intercourse,
00:55:48that moment, to procreate, you're actually most powerful.
00:55:52So you're actually doing yourself a disservice by just, to, to, to quote my good friend here,
00:55:57pelt a***** as opposed to really, to, to, to.
00:56:03There's a whole deeper meaning into that.
00:56:07But again, we don't have the time here today, but I really want to hear Johans' take on
00:56:12the impact porn is having on our society now.
00:56:18And also your final thoughts, if you can use it in there as well,
00:56:23to talk about why we simply can't handle the truth.
00:56:27Like if a woman really said, you know, it's small, but I'm willing to do this.
00:56:31Why do we as a society place so much emphasis on sexual prowess?
00:56:39Okay. One, Robert, I think we definitely need to have our entire episode on sex and sexuality.
00:56:45Agreed. Agreed. That's next episode, actually.
00:56:48Two is porn, not even sound scientific. Porn is a real dread thing.
00:56:53It's a real dread thing because it actually creates a false reality of what human sexuality is.
00:57:01Human sexuality have no format, but a porn would have a format.
00:57:05Even if you have different categories of porn, there's still some kind of format, right?
00:57:11How I feel to have sex Monday could be different.
00:57:14How I feel to have sex on Tuesday, right?
00:57:16What I feel to do Tuesday morning might be different from Tuesday evening.
00:57:19Sex and human behavior is such a dynamic thing.
00:57:22So porn puts you in a kind of category where you think this experience always have to be a certain way.
00:57:29And when you think that, now you could think if it's not that way,
00:57:32then something wrong with me or something wrong with my partner.
00:57:35If in a certain episode you watch the woman or the man reacts a certain way, right?
00:57:40And it's not only a male thing now because many women watch porn also.
00:57:45And so if my man didn't react a certain way and I do this certain thing,
00:57:49it could mean something wrong with me or something wrong with him.
00:57:51So I'm saying porn is a dreading because even, I remember, even my own life,
00:57:57when watching porn and then coming to the realization of what sex is,
00:58:01I remember it was a stark difference.
00:58:03And it didn't make sense to me at first because I thought, well, you watch something
00:58:06and that's how it's supposed to be.
00:58:08And you watch enough of it and hear enough people talk about it,
00:58:11then it's supposed to be this way.
00:58:13But it's really not.
00:58:15And it took a good while to even recondition my brain to remember everybody different,
00:58:20every day different, I'm doing something different.
00:58:23So I even encourage people, people who watch porn,
00:58:26I can't tell you whether watching porn right or wrong for you,
00:58:29but understand that that may not be the reality of how things are.
00:58:34And then now if we're in this fantasy world, then now it brings up all these things.
00:58:39So now in a relationship, you're thinking, well, this person don't love me,
00:58:43this person not reacting to me, you're lying to me about something,
00:58:46you're horning me, et cetera, et cetera.
00:58:48And it brings up all these dynamics in a relationship that really have nothing
00:58:54to do with the relationship.
00:58:56So I'm saying, and then now we come with handling the truth.
00:59:00You're handling the truth of what?
00:59:02The truth you create in your mind comes from something that's not even real.
00:59:07Right?
00:59:07So when now the person say, well, you're a minute, man,
00:59:12sometimes sex is a minute.
00:59:14If you understand what I'm saying, sometimes sex is two minutes,
00:59:16sometimes it can be a hour.
00:59:17Do you agree?
00:59:18Sometimes sex is a minute?
00:59:21Yes, unfortunately for me.
00:59:23Right?
00:59:24Sometimes it is what it is.
00:59:26You and that person, you don't even know the different things
00:59:30if you're not honest with each other.
00:59:31I can tell you that.
00:59:33Sometimes I just want to be inside and just don't move.
00:59:38I just want to soak.
00:59:39You just want to feel it.
00:59:40Soak, soak, soak it.
00:59:41Right?
00:59:42It's just like a spa, just go in there and relax myself now.
00:59:45Right?
00:59:46But that to somebody that's made me, nah, you matter what.
00:59:49You have to be thinking and you have to be,
00:59:50wherever it is.
00:59:51So it's really based on, can we handle the truth first?
00:59:55We have to discover the truth of ourselves.
00:59:58What it is you really like.
01:00:00If it's porn you're watching, you have to tell the person,
01:00:02well, I see this on porn or whatever,
01:00:04so the person knows where you're coming from.
01:00:06If it is you talk with your girlfriends or whoever it is,
01:00:09I hear this, this is what I really want to,
01:00:11to really just say the truth about what it is you want.
01:00:14You know, it's something that you say.
01:00:16I only say that because I want him to finish his closing thoughts
01:00:19because what you're about to say,
01:00:20I want that to be your closing thoughts as we have to,
01:00:23you know, it comes a point that we have to,
01:00:25you know, we had a disconnect.
01:00:27Oh, stop doing that.
01:00:30Yeah, yeah, that's my thoughts,
01:00:33is whether or not is based on,
01:00:38let me go to this,
01:00:39can we handle the truth of ourselves first?
01:00:41Before we start to study whether this person can handle it or not,
01:00:45sit down and really, this is why we're wanting sex,
01:00:48this is why we're wanting a relationship,
01:00:49this is why we're wanting a platonic relationship.
01:00:51Really, be honest with yourself first,
01:00:53so not when the person even asks why.
01:00:55Why does it leave the fridge open?
01:00:57Why does it wherever it is?
01:00:58You already sit with yourself,
01:00:59so you can say this is the reason why,
01:01:01so the person can understand you,
01:01:03therefore they can actually decide
01:01:05whether I like,
01:01:06I really want to be with this person
01:01:07or don't want to be with this person.
01:01:09Yeah, makes sense.
01:01:11No, it's just going to add to something,
01:01:13you know what I'm saying?
01:01:13Let me close in thought.
01:01:14Something that I realize,
01:01:16like off a point,
01:01:17I used to think like all women,
01:01:20once a man that does last like an hour or so,
01:01:23and that is far from the truth.
01:01:25It's a woman who by 10 minutes done,
01:01:28come off of the way.
01:01:29That is a long time though.
01:01:30Yeah, like five, 10 minutes,
01:01:32like come off of me now,
01:01:33I ain't good, I ain't good.
01:01:35So like that is something I gotta learn,
01:01:37and the big takeaway from that is,
01:01:41everybody is different.
01:01:42You need to learn the people that you are with,
01:01:45and learn yourself most importantly,
01:01:47because as soon as you learn yourself,
01:01:49it's easier to tell people who you are,
01:01:51and they will know how to treat with you,
01:01:53because if you don't know yourself,
01:01:55you're going to mean a lot of back and all,
01:01:56because you'll be figuring out yourself
01:01:58while trying to figure out somebody else.
01:02:00So until you figure out yourself,
01:02:02stay by yourself,
01:02:03pelt the wrongs,
01:02:04and leave people alone.
01:02:06Narely,
01:02:07you could actually learn yourself with somebody.
01:02:10Yeah, for sure.
01:02:10People open to the process,
01:02:12only can learn yourself with each other,
01:02:13but if you know you can handle it yet,
01:02:15then stay by yourself.
01:02:16Yeah, stay by yourself.
01:02:17I ain't had that last part.
01:02:19Stay by yourself.
01:02:19You don't want to pelt your piece away.
01:02:23So can women and women handle the truth?
01:02:27At this point,
01:02:28yes and no for both genders.
01:02:31It really just depends on you as a person,
01:02:34and whatever,
01:02:35but I'm echoing what everyone else is saying,
01:02:37that you need to really understand yourself first,
01:02:39and what is your truth
01:02:41before you expect to get the truth from your partner,
01:02:44or your friends or your family
01:02:45or those closest to you,
01:02:47and also being able to be receptive
01:02:50to the truth as well.
01:02:52So you have to be able to be open to give any truth
01:02:55and being open to receive any truth.
01:02:57Yeah.
01:02:58Well said.
01:03:01So there it is,
01:03:02another conversation with manhood.
01:03:03Can men and women handle the truth?
01:03:06Feelings, compromise, breakups, sexual performance.
01:03:10Sexual performance being a root
01:03:13to a lot of why people behave the way they behave,
01:03:17whether it's spoken,
01:03:18whether the truth is spoken,
01:03:19and what they believe the truth is,
01:03:20what they believe someone else is thinking.
01:03:23You have to know yourself.
01:03:25You have to know yourself and live your truth.
01:03:27What is your truth?
01:03:29The opinions of others really don't matter
01:03:32as long as you're grounded in where you're coming from.
01:03:35Where opinions matter is when you're insecure
01:03:38or you have reservations about whether or not
01:03:41that is indeed your truth.
01:03:44And that is the truth.
01:03:47When you start to look at that,
01:03:48it's because you're not grounded.
01:03:50So decide what you want.
01:03:55Decide what you want and let that be your truth.
01:03:58Can men or women handle the truth?
01:03:59I think they're the areas where you can and you can't.
01:04:06I simply would want the truth.
01:04:09Whether I could handle it at that point or not,
01:04:12you know what?
01:04:13Give me the chance to just take it, yes?
01:04:15I always remember this passage in the Bible
01:04:23that starts off with,
01:04:24this too shall pass.
01:04:26And six o'clock in the morning will come
01:04:28regardless of how you meet it.
01:04:30So let that be your truth.
01:04:32So let that be your truth.
01:04:41Manhood.
01:04:43Brought to you by Jameson.
01:04:45Natural sources.
01:04:45allows you to do this.
01:04:46And you're listening to