Manhood S01E13

Guardian Media Limited

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Transcript

00:00:00Natural sources since 1922 and Racetrack.

00:00:30Based on both sides of the coin, and we're hoping at the end of this particular conversation to hear both sides, and hear both sides respectfully, although during that period there's going to be some bit of topsy-turviness, especially with the guests that we have today.

00:00:45So let me start, Jamie, artist, Jamie is an actress, a brilliant one at that, Jamie Simmons, Dania, singer, songwriter, artist, announcer, media personality, a lot of titles, and she actually started the show before I even got a chance to say something by saying, oh, it's fitting that we put the two women in the middle.

00:01:09It was the best position at this particular point, and Johanse is absent today, and we'll certainly get his feedback of the recording after, and a good partner, Rome, needs no introduction, media personality, Rome, we in for today, we in for today.

00:01:29I thought it would have been just an easy one, but...

00:01:34Did you leave, did you leave.

00:01:35Yeah, so Dania's just waiting to go, so the topic, the topic, to start us off here today, to put it into context, Mr. Right or Mr. Wrong, or Mrs. Right and Mrs. Wrong.

00:01:48Many a time we go into relationships, or in any form of relationship, whether it be marriage or girlfriend, boyfriend, whatever the case may be, and the person that we're with, we're in it for the wrong reasons, or you always hear it.

00:02:03Is he Mr. Right for you?

00:02:07Because you find that you go into that relationship, and it's all over the place.

00:02:12You know, you want to date bad boys, and then wonder why certain things happen.

00:02:17So that's just to really get us kicked off.

00:02:20But we go into a lot more discussion with regards to women expect men to be clairvoyant, passive aggressiveness, resentment building up.

00:02:29There's all sorts of things that happen, so I'm not even going to try and put this into any sort of context room.

00:02:34I'm just going to say, let's just have a conversation, Dania.

00:02:38Let's just have a conversation.

00:02:40Are you done already?

00:02:42Yeah, yeah.

00:02:42It's easy job of makeup.

00:02:44Why are you picking on me?

00:02:45One time, it's like, men and they...

00:02:47Yeah, let's see, Dania.

00:02:49Never have I ever said that.

00:02:51Just saying, never have I ever.

00:02:54So what's our thoughts there on issues that men are facing with women and getting some feedback?

00:03:01Because we've said a lot, Rome, over the conversations that we've had on manhood,

00:03:06and we've rarely had feedback, unless it was a particular topic like domestic violence, as to what women are thinking.

00:03:15Right.

00:03:16But whether it's Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now is a question that a lot of women kind of ask themselves.

00:03:26And with the men, is it the right woman for you at this point in your life, too?

00:03:32That is a tricky thing, because men and women pick mates differently.

00:03:38So I would start off by the men.

00:03:42First of all, most men you would see are attracted by a woman's physical appearance.

00:03:49So the first thing that would attract a man is how she looks.

00:03:53Every man, most men, they want a beautiful woman.

00:03:56So they're watching at how she looks, her face, her body, that sort of thing.

00:03:59And then from there, he would look at personality, and then later on, he would see what else she brings to the table.

00:04:07With a woman, it kind of is different from...

00:04:11And this is my perspective of how women select mates, right?

00:04:14You all will give your opinion on it.

00:04:16How I see women selecting mates is in their early years, from late teens to early womanhood, early 20s,

00:04:24they would look at physical appearance of a man.

00:04:28And as they get older, the physical appearance is not as important as the security that a man brings.

00:04:37Because a woman looking for a mate, somebody who could raise kids with her,

00:04:41somebody who could provide security for her and mind the family.

00:04:46So you would see, that's why you would find a lot of women, you would see cases where a young woman with an older man,

00:04:53and everybody would be like, but how did a man get through with this girl?

00:04:56And it's because some women looking for security.

00:04:58So you would say a woman only looking for a man with money, but is there really the money alone?

00:05:02No, no, no, she's looking for security.

00:05:03And part of security is financial security.

00:05:05So the woman will be more selective of that.

00:05:08Versus the man, no matter how old he's getting, he's still watching.

00:05:12Whether it's a young man or an old man, all the men watching physical appearance first.

00:05:18So when you meet a man and you say, boy, I get a lot of nice personality.

00:05:22If you saw that woman in the road, you're casting her personality.

00:05:25Correct, correct.

00:05:26While the woman now watching the man, how he's dressing, what the car he's driving, how he's carrying about himself, how he's walking, all of that, she's watching before she can see like I'm here.

00:05:36The man finding her nice woman, she's looking good.

00:05:38Yeah, boy, that ain't mine, boy.

00:05:39Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:05:40I saw, I read, I read this meme that was, you know, actually was this morning that showed that men, and again, we're speaking, there's a few men, in this case two men, speaking to all men, not speaking for all men or women.

00:05:56And the, what, what, what, what, what they said was, is that men, men look at, when they earn, and they're successful in life, they're now looking for that mate, they're now looking for that, to have a family.

00:06:14Whereas women, when they make money, are now saying, well, I don't need a man.

00:06:19I don't need a man to provide for me, and it all comes out, Dania, I'll let you take that one.

00:06:26I just feel like women become more picky, probably, when they start to make more money, because if a woman is looking for security, and she doesn't need to look for that anymore, she can now start focusing on everything else about a man.

00:06:41So she just becomes more picky, it's not that she doesn't need a man, it's just, now she doesn't have to stay here for any of the BS at all, because she can,

00:06:49take care of herself.

00:06:51So there we go, when I start off by saying men are there, and you said, I didn't say that, but here we have it.

00:06:58Yeah, but, okay, so you're saying women look for men for security.

00:07:04It's how older women right now, that prefer younger men, to take care of them, to be a sugar baby.

00:07:11And they just want it for sexual reasons, because they reach a point where it's like, I can't handle myself with this, this, this, this.

00:07:21All I need is somebody to lay down the pipe, you know what I mean?

00:07:26And young boys doing it, you know what I mean?

00:07:30Well, that comes back to what he just said about when women get, when women have money, or they mature in life, they don't look for that stability.

00:07:38As the opposite, for men, when they start to get their money, and they mature in life, is when they start to look to settle down, and to have kids, and build a family.

00:07:45So, so a older man can't lay down the pipe?

00:07:51Preferably, of course.

00:07:57Be very careful, because...

00:07:59I can answer that question.

00:08:02I mean, behind a woman's mind, she'll be thinking, I wonder if he's using enhancements, you know what I mean?

00:08:06He wouldn't have that natural juice to...

00:08:10Yeah, but so what if he's using enhancements, Paul?

00:08:12He's using all kind of enhancements.

00:08:14Like what?

00:08:15You're getting enhanced hair, enhanced eyelashes, enhanced lip, enhanced buttom.

00:08:22No, that's just physical.

00:08:25That's just like on the outside, the inside now, boy.

00:08:29You can't enhance that soon, I won't.

00:08:31Once again, back to the terms that, okay, well, you know, we could do this, but that's outside, as you just said.

00:08:38But we now trying to provide inside is a problem.

00:08:41So, I want to say we, let's be very clear.

00:08:46I know some feisty older men who, they keep themselves fit.

00:08:52And they could, as you say, lay pipe.

00:08:55They could do that in their older, mature age.

00:08:58They're still doing it.

00:08:59They're still feisty.

00:08:59They're still firing on all cylinders.

00:09:01And I heard you all...

00:09:04They're firing from...

00:09:05Yeah, firing.

00:09:09They're good.

00:09:11You all mentioned the case of the older woman who is financially stable and who would go with a young boy, right?

00:09:17And I do think...

00:09:19Because I remember the topic we started was whether that is Mr. Right or Mr. Right now.

00:09:25And I think for that woman, how sustainable is that relationship?

00:09:32Because you're older woman, you're financially secure.

00:09:35You pick up a young boy who don't really have much going for him at this point in time.

00:09:39And still learning.

00:09:40And still learning.

00:09:41At what point is that boy going to become a man and feel like the man of the house or the leader of the household, that sort of thing?

00:09:49He really had to ask you for money or for you to take care of him.

00:09:53He want this, he want that.

00:09:54And men are not really built like that.

00:09:58A man is kind of...

00:10:00In any animal kingdom, you will see any of these species in the animal kingdom, you will see the man is usually the leader of the pack.

00:10:08The man is like the head of the household or the man is the hunter-gatherer kind of thing in most cases.

00:10:13So when you see you have a woman taking care of the man like that, he would feel kind of less of a man.

00:10:20Boy, the generation right now, listen to me.

00:10:26These guys, yes, these guys, these young guys, they want a woman to take care of them.

00:10:32Facts.

00:10:33This generation is not like the generations before.

00:10:36We're not talking about a Mr. Mom here taking care of the kids at home.

00:10:39You just want a man, sorry, you want a woman to take care of you.

00:10:43Yes.

00:10:43That's what you're saying men are saying.

00:10:45Yes.

00:10:45The course and to pay bills and things.

00:10:47Simple things.

00:10:48Now, is that a loss?

00:10:49So part of the thing that we said initially was, are you a man or are you a boy?

00:10:55A man innately, as part of our definition, I mean, things are changing as they go along generation to generation, but we're still holding on to certain fundamentals of a man.

00:11:06And some of those fundamentals, as Rome pointed out, the security, the hunter, those are innate things that we come from our Neanderthal days of cavemen, and we move to that.

00:11:18So things have progressed, but it's not necessarily changed in terms of the fundamentals.

00:11:24And if in that case we are looking at a man and a boy, then the definition in this case of a boy is someone who's not taking care of business or who wants to be simply lazy overall, a loss, as I put it, who's now just looking for that way out, somebody to take care of me so I don't have to do anything.

00:11:43And that's going to manifest in many other areas of his life.

00:11:48What are we saying to that?

00:11:50Honestly, I feel like to each their own.

00:11:52I feel like we have different types of people on this planet.

00:11:55Some women like to work, some don't, they like to be taken care of.

00:11:59Some men like to work and they want to be providers, and some men may not, and they might want to be taken care of.

00:12:04And same vice versa, it will have some women out here who want a man that they can take care of, and just a guy that could probably provide them with emotional stability and security because they can handle themselves financially.

00:12:16And same with men.

00:12:17Some men out here really just want to have a woman at home taking care of the kids and taking care of the house.

00:12:23And to each their own, everybody has that person for them.

00:12:27So if that is what you want for your life, me, I like being independent.

00:12:34I've always loved being independent.

00:12:36I am hyper-independent.

00:12:38I like having my own.

00:12:40In every area.

00:12:42In every area.

00:12:43I like having my own.

00:12:44I like working.

00:12:45I like having things going on in my life.

00:12:47I can't stay home.

00:12:48I'll get bored and I will die.

00:12:50Not happening.

00:12:51And at the same time, I still do have some of those fundamental areas where I think that, you know, I would cook and I would clean.

00:13:01Not that I'm not expecting my boyfriend to do it, you know.

00:13:03But I would still make sure and I'll do it.

00:13:07And the same way I would expect if we go on a date for him to pay for it.

00:13:11Don't kill me, guys.

00:13:12Please don't kill me.

00:13:12Yeah, yeah.

00:13:13Be real.

00:13:13The same way I would expect if we go on a date for him to pay for it majority of the times unless I decide, okay, I'm going to carry him out.

00:13:19But I still have some of those fundamental things in me.

00:13:22So is equality basically on your terms?

00:13:26Yeah, basically.

00:13:27Because women say they want equality in so many areas, right?

00:13:32And when I say women, I'm not talking about all women, but generally you hear women when they talk about equality, they want equality of pay, they want equality of this, they want equality of that.

00:13:40And I'm not opposed to it.

00:13:43But when it comes down to other things, you hear, I just want somebody to take care of me.

00:13:48I want a man to take care of me.

00:13:49Pick a struggle.

00:13:51So if, but I just wanted to, again, that's a topic that, you know, we could definitely thrash out throughout manhood.

00:13:59But I want to come down to the fact that when you see a man being taken care of, so for example, let me give you a quick example.

00:14:06I've always said I would like to be taken care of.

00:14:09But when I say taken care of, to be able to do something in particular that I might have really wanted to do, like to continue, say, furthering a pilot's license or National Geographic going and studying bears and dolphins in the world, you know, going to the Antarctica.

00:14:26So when you say take care, it's not like you don't want to work, but you're saying that right now you may have to work as, be it, you know, the many jobs that people take on that they're not necessarily happy in, but they're doing it because they have to pay bills and take care of families.

00:14:40But if you had the choice to say, go and do whatever, correct, I will handle the story while you're going off and doing that.

00:14:50That's a bit different.

00:14:51So I'm trying to find out when you say that, do you mean being a louse and just staying home and playing PlayStation or you're talking about to be able to further?

00:15:01I just want you to finish that thought before we go to the break.

00:15:03It depends.

00:15:04It depends on the couple.

00:15:06So a man might just, the same way a woman might stay home and be a, see about the kids if they have kids or clean the house that have men out here that will do that as well.

00:15:14That would be a house daddy, a house husband, and he would stay home and see about the kids, carry them to school, pick them up, do their homework.

00:15:22But that's a contribution, that's a contribution.

00:15:24It is.

00:15:24Or what do you think, what do you think that woman eventually will look at that man?

00:15:27No way, I'm not going on so, I'm sorry, it is a nice 20, 23 way of thinking.

00:15:33And the kumbaya we have thinking, but no, sir, man is to be man.

00:15:38And I understand you're in a partnership and everybody pulling their weight.

00:15:43But I think as a man, you are in it to be provider.

00:15:49So you ought to be able to provide not only for yourself, but to provide for your family and be a protector in that scenario.

00:15:56So you can't have the woman taking care of you and are you in that kind of position.

00:16:00And you want to go for a drink with the boys.

00:16:03And you see, what happens in those scenarios, right?

00:16:06As much as it sounds like if, well, he's pulling his weight and he's helping out, it will kind of have the man like more of a mouse than a man.

00:16:15Yeah.

00:16:15Because.

00:16:16She going to start to look at him as less of a man.

00:16:18Yeah, you wouldn't look at your man as a man.

00:16:21You carry a man out.

00:16:22Let's say you are Miss Big Independent and you have your nice work and whatever.

00:16:25And you carry him out on a work function or something.

00:16:28And you bring this man out.

00:16:30And you introduce him as your husband or your man or something like that.

00:16:34And somebody, your boss or somebody asks the man.

00:16:36So what do you do?

00:16:37What do you do?

00:16:38How do you feel this man going on for you?

00:16:40I just stay.

00:16:40A man take care of the chair.

00:16:41I know the macaroni pie has two beef and a callaloo.

00:16:45Right.

00:16:45He will feel out.

00:16:46He will feel out.

00:16:47I mean, all right.

00:16:48You're not really living your life to impress other people.

00:16:51But it will affect a man's ego.

00:16:53We all have egos.

00:16:54Exactly.

00:16:54Yes.

00:16:55That is one part of the thing.

00:16:56The next part of it is he want to go out on line.

00:16:59He doesn't have a fixed salary because he is the at home man, right?

00:17:04He want to go out on line.

00:17:05You vex with him for something or the fallout within a week.

00:17:08You, as a woman, now, in control of this man's finances.

00:17:13And he vexed money.

00:17:14And whoever vexed money, he should have had.

00:17:16So he now has to ask you for money.

00:17:18Babe, I'll have 200 to just go and drink.

00:17:21Now, you see you?

00:17:22Where are you going this week?

00:17:23Sit down.

00:17:24Yeah, go in.

00:17:24No way.

00:17:25You're going to stay open.

00:17:26How does a man go and feel like a man?

00:17:27Correct.

00:17:28Yeah, yeah.

00:17:28If he want to buy something, and that is a difficulty in those scenarios.

00:17:33Now, there are people who make those things work, and kudos to them.

00:17:36But, I mean, generally, as a man, I don't think any man will choose to put himself in

00:17:41a scenario like that.

00:17:43So, this is not a good place to stop, but it's a place we have to stop, just to go to

00:17:48a quick break, have that conversation.

00:17:50Roman, I want you to come back with that.

00:17:52Because we could talk about things like being a first man.

00:17:54Was it like first?

00:17:56Like first lady?

00:17:56Like the first lady.

00:17:57We're a first man, but you find that they still work.

00:18:00They still do something.

00:18:01Yeah, yeah.

00:18:01We have, you know, for example, the president's husband, right?

00:18:06He's a lawyer.

00:18:07So, therefore, there are people that still have a profession.

00:18:10But when we come back from the break, we'll discuss that and so, so, so much more.

00:18:15All right, so welcome back to Manhood.

00:18:28And today's topic we were discussing, is it Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now?

00:18:33Or is this woman ready for you?

00:18:34We segwayed a bit into the independence of women and how that fares for men and their manhood.

00:18:42And I know a lot of men will talk about independent women.

00:18:46And I know men personally who hate to hear that phrase, an independent woman.

00:18:51And here's why a lot of them have mentioned this, is that when you see a woman says she's independent,

00:18:59and we're not just talking about financially here.

00:19:01We all will say we'd love to have a woman who's out there in the working world and doing her own thing,

00:19:05and that's great.

00:19:06But when you see I have some of these strong-headed women who are like,

00:19:10I am independent, and I ain't want no man.

00:19:13I don't need no man for nothing, that kind of thing.

00:19:16It makes a man feel as though he's not needed.

00:19:19So a lot of men will prefer to have an interdependent relationship versus an independent woman.

00:19:26Because if a woman comes with a mindset of, well, I'm independent, and I don't need no man to do nothing for me,

00:19:33I can handle my stories for myself.

00:19:35A man is a creature we want to feel wanted and needed.

00:19:41So we want to feel as though, all right, you're dependent on me, and I'm dependent on you in order for this thing to work.

00:19:49Because if you ask people of past relationships, of years gone by, who married for how much ever years and whatever,

00:19:56a lot of the time you will hear them say, sometimes, and it's not the ideal scenario,

00:20:01but sometimes a woman will take foolishness in the relationship because she was dependent on the man.

00:20:07So now when you're seeing a lot of relationships not working,

00:20:11a lot of the time what is happening is the women now are financially independent of the man.

00:20:16So they don't need to depend on the man for anything.

00:20:19So any foolishness that happens in the relationship, the woman now can just pick up and say,

00:20:23well, I go on, I'm not taking this from no man, I don't need this man.

00:20:28Relationships are the past.

00:20:29The woman could not have done that because she's dependent on this man.

00:20:34So she might stay and take the foolishness for longer,

00:20:37but eventually after years and years, it will work out and the family remain a unit.

00:20:41But now with everybody wanting to be independent, independent,

00:20:44the slightest problem, now go get me wrong,

00:20:48I'm not condoning any foolishness in our relationship on either side.

00:20:52But what I'm saying is that when everybody comes into the relationship saying,

00:20:56I don't need you and you don't need me, and we are separate entities,

00:21:01now the slightest issue you get in your relationship or in your marriage,

00:21:04you want to bust it because I don't need that person.

00:21:07While a lot of people think it shouldn't be like that way,

00:21:10it should be I need you and you need me and we are now together as one unit,

00:21:14as a team, and let me work it out together now.

00:21:17So I feel as though we miss that, we lack that interdependency in relationships.

00:21:22And then there's the respect.

00:21:24I mean, we had this discussion a couple of times where people think, you know,

00:21:27it's two halves coming together as a whole, right?

00:21:30I look at it differently.

00:21:31It should be two wholes coming together.

00:21:32So two independent bodies coming together to add value.

00:21:36But in that adding of value and those two independent bodies coming together,

00:21:40you have to know what you're coming together for.

00:21:42And there must be that level of respect.

00:21:44And if that level of respect could be eroded very simply by,

00:21:48and I'm using the word simply in terms of stepping out

00:21:52or anything that comes up that you can go, oh, you know,

00:21:56he's not taking care of me again or he's not doing certain things like,

00:22:00you know, massaging me or anything that's very trivial,

00:22:03people tend to take the out very easily,

00:22:05just like we have the cancel culture, you know?

00:22:07And I'm saying that you have to address that within.

00:22:11So, you know, for example, if a woman's earning more than the man,

00:22:14so the man is not dependent on the woman,

00:22:17neither is the woman dependent on the man.

00:22:19She's just simply earning more, which means,

00:22:21and she then has a certain bravado about herself to seem that

00:22:24I am doing better than you.

00:22:26I am more, in many ways, in the context of what we're speaking about,

00:22:31I am more man than you, you know,

00:22:33in terms of how we may put certain things across,

00:22:36which means that the fundamentals of why you're together is flawed.

00:22:41And we were speaking, we were speaking before the break,

00:22:45and we used the word compromise and submissive,

00:22:49which are words that the millennials and Gen Zs

00:22:54that we have found are very opposed to.

00:22:57But yet still, I was pleasantly surprised to hear

00:23:00from the two ladies that we have on this panel

00:23:02who are saying that...

00:23:05Nothing is wrong with being submissive or compromise.

00:23:10Women want...

00:23:11I can't speak for Gen Z, because that's a whole new generation.

00:23:14They have their own mindset.

00:23:15They have a millennial.

00:23:16They have a millennial.

00:23:17But women generally want to be submissive.

00:23:21It's not that we don't want to be submissive.

00:23:22It's just very hard to find someone

00:23:25that you can actually allow yourself to be submissive for.

00:23:29And it's not just about finances,

00:23:32because women go with men every single day

00:23:34who can't do nothing for them,

00:23:36who are not financially well off,

00:23:38who can't do anything.

00:23:40They have kids with men who can't buy pampers and milk

00:23:42and all of that.

00:23:42So what's your grounds for submission, then?

00:23:44For me, personally, it's about a man making me feel emotionally secure,

00:23:50mentally secure, making me feel like I could count on them.

00:23:53And it's not just about being...

00:23:55It's not just about finances.

00:23:57Because I've been with men before who I've made more money than.

00:24:02It's not that they can't take...

00:24:03But they could have taken care of themselves,

00:24:04and they could have still helped,

00:24:05but I've made more money than.

00:24:07But that didn't make me feel like I was better than them,

00:24:10or I had one up,

00:24:11or they were less of a man than me.

00:24:13It's just that at that point in time in my life,

00:24:15I was in a better space than they were.

00:24:17And that was fine.

00:24:18But they still made me feel secure.

00:24:20And that's what made me feel like I could be submissive to them.

00:24:23I didn't have to worry about them with somebody else,

00:24:26or consistently feeling insecure,

00:24:28or going through their phone,

00:24:29and all kinds...

00:24:30Like, none of that didn't have to do those things.

00:24:31In a relationship, the house is yours.

00:24:35Right?

00:24:35You bought the house.

00:24:36The car is yours.

00:24:38Everything, you pay the bills.

00:24:39You bought everything.

00:24:41And the man comes along and says,

00:24:43nah, I have a big party here today.

00:24:46Oh, I am doing this.

00:24:47I want a man cave.

00:24:49And at that point,

00:24:51you're turning around and saying,

00:24:52that's okay.

00:24:53You're okay to be submissive or compromise with regards to that.

00:24:57Or is there some part of you that's going to say,

00:25:00I buy this.

00:25:02I pay any bills here.

00:25:03Yes, yes.

00:25:03It would be that way.

00:25:04That's why it's very important

00:25:05that you all have your own home together.

00:25:08To their conditions.

00:25:10It's very important that you have your own home together.

00:25:12I mean, it's the same for me.

00:25:13My mom always taught me to have my own house.

00:25:15Have my own house.

00:25:16Have my own car.

00:25:17Have my own.

00:25:18It's just embedded in me.

00:25:19She taught me that from kid go all the way up

00:25:21to have my own stuff.

00:25:23But then you're not being submissive.

00:25:25How is that not being submissive?

00:25:26So submissive by many,

00:25:29in terms of any negative way that it's put forth.

00:25:31So compromise by the English,

00:25:33in the dictionary,

00:25:34compromise is simply to compromise.

00:25:36It's two persons coming together

00:25:38and one deciding,

00:25:39okay, well,

00:25:40in order for us to reach an objective,

00:25:43we are saying that one person has to give,

00:25:45one person might have to pull back.

00:25:47So you're compromising.

00:25:48And in certain words,

00:25:50people,

00:25:51or you co-promise.

00:25:52So some people think to themselves,

00:25:55and I've actually had these conversations

00:25:58where they go,

00:25:59oh no,

00:25:59the woman nowadays is not compromising

00:26:02because that would be to give in.

00:26:03That would be to be submissive.

00:26:05And they go on to terms in the Bible

00:26:07where they say women should be submissive

00:26:09and walk behind it.

00:26:10We're not talking about that.

00:26:11We're simply talking.

00:26:11That's extreme.

00:26:12It's extreme.

00:26:13That's very extreme.

00:26:14It's being extreme to a certain extent.

00:26:16But Robert,

00:26:17you have a point

00:26:17and a lot of women know

00:26:19and I know there's a movement

00:26:21of women wanting independence

00:26:23and to have an equal voice as a man, right?

00:26:25And as I said,

00:26:26we're all for women

00:26:27having their independence

00:26:28and all of that.

00:26:29But I feel in a relationship,

00:26:32you have to,

00:26:33for me, right,

00:26:34and this is my personal opinion,

00:26:36is that the man

00:26:38would be the leader of the household.

00:26:40The man is the leader

00:26:43and he's the dominant one.

00:26:44Again, I'm going back

00:26:45to the animal species.

00:26:46That's who we are.

00:26:47That's who we are innately.

00:26:48That's what we know.

00:26:49We want to lead our household.

00:26:51And as much as you would have

00:26:53a woman as part of that

00:26:55and to help make decisions

00:26:56and not to say the man

00:26:57is not going to listen,

00:26:59but that still feel as though

00:27:00too many cooks to spoil the pot.

00:27:03So you need to have one person

00:27:04at the end of the day

00:27:05who can make the final decision

00:27:07to lead this.

00:27:08And you as a woman,

00:27:09if you trust your man,

00:27:10will know that this man

00:27:12is going to make a decision

00:27:13to lead our household

00:27:15and for the betterment

00:27:17of yourself, the woman,

00:27:19and for your children.

00:27:20Because if you watch a lion

00:27:21leading a pack,

00:27:23he's going to make sure

00:27:23he's taking care

00:27:24of the whole family,

00:27:25not leaving anybody behind.

00:27:27So I feel as though

00:27:28you had to have,

00:27:28if you're picking that mate,

00:27:30ladies selecting a man,

00:27:32you had to select a man

00:27:33who you can give your trust to

00:27:34that, listen,

00:27:36I know I trust this man,

00:27:37I put my faith in this man,

00:27:38that whatever decision

00:27:39he go out there to do

00:27:40is not only for himself,

00:27:43but for himself

00:27:43and the entire family.

00:27:45And though really,

00:27:46not to say you're not

00:27:46questioning him,

00:27:47because your question

00:27:47is in decision,

00:27:48not to say he wouldn't

00:27:49listen to you either,

00:27:50but I feel as though

00:27:52if you have the man

00:27:53as the head of the household

00:27:54and as the leader of the pack,

00:27:56is that you had to have faith

00:27:56and trust him in that.

00:27:57Because you use the word

00:27:59submissive,

00:27:59and just the act

00:28:01of sex itself

00:28:02is an act where

00:28:04somebody had to be submissive.

00:28:06And in the traditional form

00:28:09of sexual activity

00:28:10that we would know as men

00:28:12is that the man

00:28:13would be the dominant one

00:28:14in that act itself,

00:28:16where the woman

00:28:17would be the submissive one

00:28:18to the man.

00:28:19Okay, here you would have

00:28:20the rare occasion

00:28:21where the woman

00:28:22would throw the man

00:28:22on the bed

00:28:23and take over,

00:28:24which men like to

00:28:25every now and again.

00:28:26But generally,

00:28:28the act is a submissive act

00:28:29where the woman

00:28:30would be submissive

00:28:31to the man

00:28:32to allow this act

00:28:33to take place.

00:28:34And you would find

00:28:35that a lot of women

00:28:36would like that

00:28:36and they have some women

00:28:37who don't like that

00:28:38in terms of the mind.

00:28:40Don't mind it

00:28:40when it comes to

00:28:41sexual activity.

00:28:42But when it comes

00:28:43to the average household,

00:28:45you don't want the man

00:28:45to take control

00:28:46or the man to be in charge.

00:28:48So it's not a matter of...

00:28:49Donia, you agree with that,

00:28:50you know?

00:28:51Donia,

00:28:52you're feeling the tension

00:28:54right as you're piercing

00:28:56that word.

00:28:59Honestly,

00:28:59I feel like that's

00:29:00a very old way

00:29:01of thinking.

00:29:02And to me,

00:29:05times have changed

00:29:06if we are...

00:29:07You throw any man

00:29:07down on the ground?

00:29:08No, we are not

00:29:09throwing any man

00:29:09down on the ground.

00:29:10I just feel like

00:29:11we are equal parties

00:29:12in our home.

00:29:14So I am not leaving

00:29:15no decisions

00:29:16for the man

00:29:17to make by himself.

00:29:19It's not happening.

00:29:20We discuss everything.

00:29:21We talk about anything.

00:29:22I will trust my husband.

00:29:25So if I feel like

00:29:26I don't understand something

00:29:27and he may have

00:29:28a better intellectual...

00:29:30He might understand it better.

00:29:31I would trust him

00:29:32to make a decision.

00:29:33And I think vice versa,

00:29:34if I understand something better,

00:29:35he should trust me

00:29:36to make a decision as well.

00:29:37We are equal partners.

00:29:40I don't know.

00:29:41When you're in that situation,

00:29:42you would obviously

00:29:43choose someone

00:29:44and you will literally

00:29:45know everything

00:29:46about this person.

00:29:46This person will know

00:29:47everything about you.

00:29:48You all will go

00:29:48through life together.

00:29:49You all will go

00:29:49through trials,

00:29:50tribulations,

00:29:51up, downs.

00:29:52You would see

00:29:52where your faults are,

00:29:53where his faults are.

00:29:54You all will have

00:29:55an understanding

00:29:56at that point in time

00:29:57if you all are married.

00:29:58So I feel like

00:29:59there should just be

00:29:59that type of understanding.

00:30:01We are equal parties.

00:30:02Ain't I...

00:30:02No.

00:30:03I want to...

00:30:05So he make a bad decision

00:30:06and send us down

00:30:06the wrong road?

00:30:07No, then you don't

00:30:08trust your partner.

00:30:09Then you don't trust

00:30:10your partner.

00:30:11No, but...

00:30:11Even if you trust...

00:30:14Yeah, but we are humans

00:30:15and there's a difference

00:30:16between if your partner

00:30:17comes and talks to you

00:30:18about it

00:30:19and you say,

00:30:20okay, babe,

00:30:20I trust you,

00:30:21you made the decision,

00:30:22whatever.

00:30:22But if men just feel

00:30:24like they could go

00:30:24and make decisions

00:30:25on themselves,

00:30:25it kind of feels like

00:30:26you made a decision

00:30:27that affects both of us

00:30:29and maybe if we have kids

00:30:30without even consulting me

00:30:32or seeing how I feel

00:30:34about something,

00:30:35maybe I could have

00:30:35give you a different

00:30:36perspective

00:30:36and you might have

00:30:37seen it differently

00:30:38and now we in shape.

00:30:39Right, but I get that.

00:30:41The consultation

00:30:42and the communication

00:30:43is important,

00:30:44but I still believe

00:30:45you all are going to come

00:30:47at loggerheads

00:30:47at some point in time.

00:30:48We're individuals,

00:30:50we have differences

00:30:50of opinion.

00:30:51I just want,

00:30:52because I want

00:30:52to understand

00:30:53where the motor

00:30:53you're coming from

00:30:54before we go further.

00:30:56Is it then

00:30:57that we're looking

00:30:57at it from a perspective

00:30:59of if it is

00:31:01that the man

00:31:02is into,

00:31:04let's just use

00:31:05an example,

00:31:06the woman is

00:31:07a housewife,

00:31:08so the man

00:31:08is the one

00:31:09that's earning

00:31:10the money.

00:31:11Is it that a woman

00:31:12at that point

00:31:13is probably more

00:31:14open to,

00:31:14if he's making

00:31:15all the decisions,

00:31:16that she feels

00:31:17less,

00:31:20she cannot,

00:31:24she's not allowed

00:31:25at that point.

00:31:26There might be

00:31:26a part of her

00:31:27that's not allowed

00:31:28to make certain calls

00:31:31because he is the one

00:31:32that's doing

00:31:33all the providing.

00:31:34Right?

00:31:34Whereas if the woman

00:31:35was,

00:31:36see,

00:31:37in this same scenario,

00:31:38the woman now

00:31:39is making,

00:31:40she has her own money,

00:31:42she's now coming

00:31:42from a different position

00:31:44to say,

00:31:44well, hey,

00:31:45when you make a decision,

00:31:45you have to consult me

00:31:46because I don't need you

00:31:49financially,

00:31:50so I have more power

00:31:51in this circumstance

00:31:52and you have to speak

00:31:54to me about,

00:31:55about what decisions

00:31:56we're making.

00:31:58I don't think

00:31:58it's a perspective

00:31:59where she would say,

00:32:01I don't need you

00:32:02because I am financially

00:32:03capable of taking care

00:32:05of myself,

00:32:05but it's more like

00:32:06I am also working hard,

00:32:08I am also

00:32:09financially intertwined

00:32:11in this,

00:32:11it's not just you,

00:32:12you're not the only person

00:32:13going out every day,

00:32:15you know,

00:32:15we are both basically

00:32:16doing the same thing

00:32:17and providing the same amount

00:32:19or maybe me more,

00:32:20maybe you a little bit more,

00:32:21so it just seems important

00:32:23that you would also

00:32:23include me

00:32:24in the decisions,

00:32:25whereas if I was just

00:32:26at home taking care

00:32:27of kids

00:32:27and you out there

00:32:28working 24-7

00:32:29bringing home the money,

00:32:30then okay,

00:32:31fine,

00:32:32usually in those

00:32:32traditional situations,

00:32:34men will make

00:32:34the decision,

00:32:35but this is my

00:32:36hard-earned money,

00:32:37this is what I

00:32:38going out there

00:32:39and make,

00:32:40it's not that

00:32:40I don't need you

00:32:41to take care of me,

00:32:43it's just that

00:32:43this is my

00:32:44hard-earned money,

00:32:45this is not your money,

00:32:47so whose money is it?

00:32:49It is our money,

00:32:50and we together.

00:32:51Well,

00:32:51even if you want to

00:32:52take it from that

00:32:53perspective,

00:32:53it is our money,

00:32:54which means

00:32:55we both

00:32:56have to be consulted

00:32:58and we both

00:32:59have to make decisions,

00:33:00not you by yourself

00:33:01because it's not

00:33:01just your money,

00:33:03it's our money.

00:33:05Yes,

00:33:05our money is over.

00:33:06You want that

00:33:07at the point

00:33:08that you are now

00:33:08saying that you are

00:33:09making a contribution

00:33:10and now you want

00:33:11the equal say

00:33:13in what happens,

00:33:14but if you don't,

00:33:14case in point,

00:33:15I had a cousin

00:33:16and she was very,

00:33:19I would say for the

00:33:19most part,

00:33:20submissive with regards

00:33:21to decisions that

00:33:22were being made

00:33:22with regards to

00:33:23family and land,

00:33:24et cetera,

00:33:25and the moment

00:33:26she got a position

00:33:27of influence

00:33:29and power,

00:33:30all of a sudden

00:33:31she had a voice,

00:33:34more of a voice

00:33:34on the table

00:33:35in terms of

00:33:35a demanding voice

00:33:37to say,

00:33:37hey,

00:33:38I don't want to

00:33:38take all this shit again,

00:33:40but all the time

00:33:41you're quiet,

00:33:42but the moment

00:33:42you realize

00:33:43I don't need

00:33:44this scenario again,

00:33:45I am now saying

00:33:46what I need to say

00:33:46and you see it

00:33:47all the time

00:33:48like even in a job,

00:33:49somebody gets

00:33:50another job offer

00:33:50that they could say,

00:33:51hey,

00:33:51I need this,

00:33:52this and that.

00:33:52You see,

00:33:53and here's where

00:33:53this whole problem

00:33:54stems and it comes from.

00:33:56I think

00:33:57a lot of people

00:33:59getting into relationships

00:34:00thinking they're going in

00:34:02as individuals,

00:34:04right?

00:34:05And the problem

00:34:06for me is

00:34:07that you all

00:34:08are not thinking

00:34:09and again,

00:34:10it goes back to

00:34:10if this is the right

00:34:11person for you

00:34:12or if this is not

00:34:12the right person

00:34:13for you.

00:34:13It's because

00:34:14if you all have

00:34:15things in common,

00:34:16you all share

00:34:17common goals

00:34:18and you all come

00:34:19together and you all

00:34:20say,

00:34:20okay,

00:34:21we are going to be

00:34:22in a relationship

00:34:22together,

00:34:23so from now on,

00:34:24I am no longer

00:34:25Roman Denia,

00:34:26this is a team

00:34:27that is moving forward.

00:34:28We would have

00:34:29a discussion

00:34:30about what

00:34:31are our goals

00:34:32for our team

00:34:33for the future.

00:34:34It will probably

00:34:35include maybe

00:34:36your family

00:34:37and children

00:34:37and whatever

00:34:38and we would

00:34:39decide together

00:34:40where we want

00:34:41our vision

00:34:42going forward

00:34:42for the next

00:34:43however many years

00:34:44and if we know

00:34:45this is our plan

00:34:46for the vision

00:34:46for the future,

00:34:47then the my money

00:34:48and your money

00:34:49and all of that

00:34:49will change

00:34:50because now

00:34:51you would have

00:34:51separate accounts

00:34:53you would have

00:34:54Denia's money,

00:34:55Roman will have

00:34:55his money

00:34:56and then

00:34:57you have a family

00:34:58joint account

00:34:59where,

00:35:00okay,

00:35:00this is for our goals

00:35:01heading to the future.

00:35:03So then you had to

00:35:04have somebody

00:35:04making that decision

00:35:06with that joint money

00:35:07if it's a money

00:35:08thing that we're

00:35:08talking about here

00:35:09for the vision

00:35:11for the goal.

00:35:11You wouldn't expect

00:35:12the man,

00:35:13if both of you

00:35:13agree,

00:35:14there's the vision

00:35:14we're heading to.

00:35:15You wouldn't expect

00:35:16him to take that money

00:35:17to go and drink rum

00:35:18with it or to buy

00:35:19beers with it or whatever

00:35:20because in your mind

00:35:21you trust him,

00:35:22he's the partner

00:35:22and there's a team.

00:35:24Unless you allocate

00:35:25a portion of your money

00:35:26to say,

00:35:26hey,

00:35:26this is entertainment.

00:35:27No,

00:35:27that's why you want

00:35:28to have your

00:35:28separate accounts.

00:35:29So every month

00:35:30you're putting money

00:35:31towards the family account,

00:35:32she's putting money

00:35:33towards the family account

00:35:34and you're using that

00:35:35but separately

00:35:36you have your own

00:35:36bank accounts

00:35:37where she has

00:35:38her independence

00:35:38where she want

00:35:39to go out

00:35:39with the girls

00:35:40or she want

00:35:40to buy a handbag

00:35:41or whatever

00:35:41she want to do

00:35:42nails here,

00:35:42whatever.

00:35:43The man want

00:35:44to buy his shoes

00:35:44or barbell,

00:35:45he's taking care

00:35:46of himself

00:35:46but you have team money

00:35:48that you're going

00:35:49to deal with

00:35:49moving forward.

00:35:50And I feel like

00:35:51in cases

00:35:52that if people

00:35:53plan out

00:35:54their objectives

00:35:55and their goals

00:35:56as a team

00:35:56moving forward,

00:35:58no longer

00:35:58you'll be making

00:35:59statements where

00:36:00it is me,

00:36:00I want to do this

00:36:01and you doing that

00:36:02and I must have a say

00:36:03and he not taking me on

00:36:04because you will know

00:36:06that what we're doing

00:36:07is for the betterment

00:36:09of both of us

00:36:09and for the kids

00:36:10and everybody

00:36:11to come together

00:36:11moving forward.

00:36:13So I want us

00:36:15to go to a break

00:36:16and I want you

00:36:18to respond

00:36:18when we come back

00:36:19from the break

00:36:19because I know

00:36:20you,

00:36:21both of you

00:36:22have a response.

00:36:25It would be a good show

00:36:26if you did.

00:36:27But just to say

00:36:28that before we go

00:36:29to the break

00:36:29I want to listen

00:36:30to Steve Harvey

00:36:30to say every relationship

00:36:31should have four accounts

00:36:33as you intimated,

00:36:36you know,

00:36:36an account for yourself

00:36:37that allows you

00:36:38to have that independence,

00:36:39that feeling

00:36:39when independence,

00:36:41an account to pay

00:36:41the bills

00:36:42so that nobody

00:36:43feels the pressure

00:36:44that you understand

00:36:44that there's an assignment

00:36:45to bills

00:36:46that's accounted for

00:36:48and then it's

00:36:48a joint account

00:36:49for savings

00:36:50and for vacations

00:36:51or different things

00:36:52that should happen.

00:36:53So,

00:36:54you know,

00:36:55I think that's

00:36:55a good reminder

00:36:56of things

00:36:57because money

00:36:58is normally

00:36:59at the root

00:36:59of most evils.

00:37:01So we take

00:37:02a short break.

00:37:03When we come back

00:37:04again,

00:37:04we speak more

00:37:06in the context

00:37:06of Mr. Right

00:37:07or Mr. Wrong

00:37:08or Mr. Right Now,

00:37:09Mrs. Right Now,

00:37:10Mrs. Wrong.

00:37:18All right,

00:37:24and we are back.

00:37:25This is Manhood

00:37:26and today,

00:37:27women have a voice.

00:37:29We've been giving it

00:37:30to them.

00:37:31Before we went

00:37:31on to the break,

00:37:32we were speaking

00:37:33about individuality,

00:37:35compromise,

00:37:36submissive,

00:37:37and now we want

00:37:38to get into

00:37:38a bit of accountability.

00:37:41Accountability.

00:37:43Very well said.

00:37:44And it's a pleasure,

00:37:45it's a pleasure

00:37:45to have the other side

00:37:48of the story,

00:37:49the other gender,

00:37:50the two,

00:37:51male and female.

00:37:53It's important

00:37:54to hear your perspective

00:37:55but also using

00:37:57that word

00:37:58as very apt,

00:37:58accountability,

00:37:59accountability for men

00:38:00and their behavior.

00:38:02As some women say,

00:38:03men in their s***.

00:38:06And women also

00:38:07take an accountability

00:38:08for how they show up

00:38:10and how they may cause

00:38:12certain triggers for men.

00:38:13So one of the things

00:38:14that I would like

00:38:15to start off

00:38:15with regard to that is

00:38:17do women think

00:38:18that men are

00:38:19clairvoyant?

00:38:21Because what happens

00:38:22is in a lot of relationships

00:38:23women somehow

00:38:24expect a man

00:38:25to know

00:38:27what's going on

00:38:28in their head,

00:38:29know what they want,

00:38:30know why they're

00:38:30passive-aggressive,

00:38:32and why this resent,

00:38:33and then what that does

00:38:33with women,

00:38:34resentment builds up

00:38:35because you have

00:38:36that expectation

00:38:37of a man

00:38:39and the man

00:38:39is simply saying,

00:38:40well, you know,

00:38:41if you do like that,

00:38:43just say so.

00:38:43I agree and disagree

00:38:44at the same time.

00:38:45Please?

00:38:46I agree, yes,

00:38:47women could be sickening.

00:38:48I know myself.

00:38:50I disagree because,

00:38:52okay, let me say

00:38:53we're one year in.

00:38:55You know what I like,

00:38:56you know what I don't like

00:38:57at that time.

00:38:58All of a sudden,

00:38:59you're stupid.

00:39:00You don't know.

00:39:01You don't know

00:39:02that I don't like

00:39:03when you wear

00:39:04a certain perfume.

00:39:05Stop buying the perfume,

00:39:06buy something else.

00:39:08You know that I don't like

00:39:09you to hit me hard

00:39:11when I pass in.

00:39:13Stop hitting me hard,

00:39:15give my little squeeze.

00:39:16You know what I mean?

00:39:17Look for an alternative

00:39:18to please each other.

00:39:18But women don't like that?

00:39:20Women don't.

00:39:20Well, well.

00:39:21Because you see it so often.

00:39:22Well,

00:39:23is this an example?

00:39:26But yeah,

00:39:27yeah,

00:39:28that's the,

00:39:30that's what I feel

00:39:31comes in.

00:39:33It's not that we expect

00:39:34you all to be,

00:39:35that we think

00:39:36you all are mind readers.

00:39:38You understand?

00:39:38It's just,

00:39:39well,

00:39:39it's a stupid sometimes.

00:39:41They do.

00:39:42As Dania said earlier,

00:39:44men like to play.

00:39:47You would tell a man

00:39:48the same thing

00:39:49ten times

00:39:51and they will still

00:39:53come back and do it.

00:39:54Still come

00:39:55and then be like,

00:39:56well,

00:39:56I didn't know

00:39:57you should have.

00:39:58Boy.

00:39:59Yeah.

00:40:00It's not that we expect

00:40:01you all to be,

00:40:02two things.

00:40:03Men don't listen.

00:40:05It's like you all have

00:40:06two things in your ears

00:40:07all the time.

00:40:08So you all don't hear

00:40:08a word when we speak.

00:40:09You all just zone us out

00:40:11and you all just be like,

00:40:12she going,

00:40:12nyang, nyang, nyang, nyang, nyang, nyang, nyang, nyang, nyang.

00:40:14Men don't listen.

00:40:15Because if Olya used to listen,

00:40:17then Olya would have known.

00:40:19You could tell Olya something

00:40:20ten times

00:40:21and you would still do it.

00:40:22Yes.

00:40:22You would still do it.

00:40:23And I would,

00:40:24I would draw an example

00:40:25real, real quick.

00:40:26I was in a relationship

00:40:28and he had a friend,

00:40:31a female friend,

00:40:32and she used to like

00:40:34literally place jealousy

00:40:36for me

00:40:37because I,

00:40:38initially when I saw,

00:40:39I was like,

00:40:40yo,

00:40:40I go and take your friend

00:40:41from you.

00:40:41I find she cool,

00:40:42we have the same likes,

00:40:43dislikes,

00:40:44whatever,

00:40:44whatever.

00:40:45And I recognize

00:40:47like she's doing little things

00:40:48to make me feel jealous.

00:40:50Like touching him

00:40:51in a certain way,

00:40:52balling out,

00:40:53I love you

00:40:53and I like,

00:40:55the a**.

00:40:56So,

00:40:57I told him about a**.

00:40:59Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:40:59Women and a**.

00:41:01Yes.

00:41:01So,

00:41:02I'm telling him about it.

00:41:03I say,

00:41:03I don't like how she does

00:41:04be tingin' tingin' tingin'

00:41:05and you know,

00:41:06I have nothing against you,

00:41:07I have nothing against you,

00:41:08I have female friends.

00:41:10But,

00:41:11the respect has to be there

00:41:12because none of my male friends

00:41:14has come to you,

00:41:15come by me,

00:41:16in front of your face

00:41:17and disrespect you.

00:41:19They know the order.

00:41:20So,

00:41:21why you can't explain that

00:41:22to your friend?

00:41:23Every time,

00:41:24she comes,

00:41:25she comes,

00:41:25she's doing the same s**t

00:41:27and he is just oblivious.

00:41:30He's not seeing that.

00:41:32He's like,

00:41:33oh gosh,

00:41:34why are you behaving so?

00:41:36So,

00:41:37all that is,

00:41:38is why I see

00:41:39certain men,

00:41:41I wouldn't say all men

00:41:42because you know,

00:41:43certain men,

00:41:43they're stupid

00:41:44because they think

00:41:46that you will just

00:41:46forget about it

00:41:47and they will get

00:41:48what they want at the end

00:41:49which is to not change.

00:41:51In a case like that,

00:41:53right,

00:41:53I know some men

00:41:55who went through

00:41:55situations like that

00:41:56and I heard

00:41:58their defense

00:41:59and their defense

00:42:00was that

00:42:00they know,

00:42:02they not did nothing

00:42:02with the girl.

00:42:03So,

00:42:04they're already

00:42:05taking the girl on.

00:42:06She could do whatever.

00:42:07They're not ready

00:42:08on the girl.

00:42:09So,

00:42:09in their,

00:42:10they're not on the girl.

00:42:13That is their friend.

00:42:13That is not me.

00:42:14They are nothing with that.

00:42:15They are attracted

00:42:16to that girl in that way.

00:42:17She,

00:42:18whatever,

00:42:18she just there.

00:42:19But,

00:42:19I feel like if women

00:42:21sometimes,

00:42:22sometimes women

00:42:23are a bit more aggressive

00:42:24in those scenarios.

00:42:26So,

00:42:27a man might

00:42:28play it off

00:42:29and just be like,

00:42:31girl,

00:42:31you,

00:42:31you playing around,

00:42:32yes,

00:42:33you,

00:42:33you know,

00:42:34whatever.

00:42:34A woman sometimes,

00:42:36Robert,

00:42:36I've heard women say this.

00:42:37I heard a same partner

00:42:39man who went through

00:42:39that scenario

00:42:40where the girl said,

00:42:41no,

00:42:42I want you to tell her

00:42:43don't do that

00:42:44and kind of

00:42:45in a rough manner.

00:42:46And she wanted

00:42:47to put your hand

00:42:49and say,

00:42:49don't touch me like that

00:42:50or whatever.

00:42:50A man generally

00:42:52wouldn't be so aggressive

00:42:54toward a woman.

00:42:55He would kind of

00:42:56pass it off

00:42:57as wherever she's playing

00:42:58or something.

00:42:59But a woman sometimes

00:43:00wants a man

00:43:01to put a woman

00:43:03in her place.

00:43:03Yes.

00:43:04And say,

00:43:04that is not me.

00:43:06Exactly.

00:43:06Yes.

00:43:07So I,

00:43:07that is sexy.

00:43:08I want,

00:43:09I want to,

00:43:09I want to bring

00:43:10something back

00:43:10to context

00:43:11because that's a conversation

00:43:12we could go off

00:43:13on a whole other

00:43:1410,

00:43:1515 minutes

00:43:15to near you

00:43:16probably half hour

00:43:17on,

00:43:18right?

00:43:18We talking,

00:43:19I'm saying,

00:43:20okay,

00:43:20if I'm,

00:43:21if you're saying

00:43:21men don't listen

00:43:22and you've said it

00:43:2310 or 12 times,

00:43:25wouldn't,

00:43:26in the definition

00:43:26of insanity,

00:43:27do any same thing

00:43:28over and over

00:43:28and expect

00:43:29a different result?

00:43:30So,

00:43:30so the man himself

00:43:32is not consciously,

00:43:33I don't think

00:43:34consciously doing

00:43:34something to annoy you.

00:43:35So if you have a pet,

00:43:37let's put it down

00:43:38to a pet peeve.

00:43:39Let's just look at it

00:43:40for case in point

00:43:42in,

00:43:43in this discussion.

00:43:46The man leaves

00:43:47his socks on the floor.

00:43:48Every time he comes home

00:43:49from football

00:43:50or basketball,

00:43:51whatever,

00:43:51leaves his socks

00:43:52on the floor.

00:43:52You told him

00:43:53multiple times,

00:43:54according to you

00:43:5510,

00:43:5512 times you've told him

00:43:56and he's not listening.

00:43:58Don't you then

00:43:59tell yourself that,

00:43:59hey,

00:44:00let me,

00:44:01let me not be

00:44:01so agitated by it.

00:44:03What's the bigger picture?

00:44:04Is it really

00:44:05that big of a deal

00:44:06for me to pick up

00:44:07the socks

00:44:07or leave it there?

00:44:09You know,

00:44:09for,

00:44:09for the sake of,

00:44:10as you started off

00:44:11the show saying peace.

00:44:13And just,

00:44:13so sometimes you have

00:44:14to ask yourself

00:44:15if I,

00:44:16if you are,

00:44:17in this case,

00:44:18as I said,

00:44:18passive aggressive

00:44:19or be men,

00:44:20women expecting men

00:44:21to be clairvoyant.

00:44:23If,

00:44:23if in this case

00:44:24you have communicated it

00:44:26several times

00:44:27and it's still not changing,

00:44:28then maybe

00:44:29you make the change.

00:44:31If it's for the,

00:44:32if it's not something,

00:44:33if it's something

00:44:34like in this case

00:44:35where it's women,

00:44:35you're feeling insecure

00:44:36or you're feeling

00:44:37being disrespected,

00:44:39then that's something different.

00:44:40Okay.

00:44:40Take it to the next level.

00:44:42But,

00:44:42I'm,

00:44:44I'm seeing in a case

00:44:45of where things

00:44:46are sometimes,

00:44:47when you,

00:44:47when you looked at

00:44:48bigger picture,

00:44:49trivial.

00:44:50Trivial,

00:44:50correct,

00:44:50all right.

00:44:51and you're going

00:44:51on about it

00:44:52and making it

00:44:52a mountain

00:44:53of a molehill

00:44:53that then may get

00:44:55to certain things

00:44:55and by the time

00:44:56you get to the point

00:44:58you're,

00:44:58there are feelings

00:44:59of resentment.

00:45:00You're building up

00:45:01this resentment,

00:45:02you're looking at him

00:45:03a certain way

00:45:03and then you're

00:45:04opening yourself up

00:45:05for that proverbial

00:45:06shoulder to cry on

00:45:07because somebody else

00:45:08coming along

00:45:08who ain't doing

00:45:09those things

00:45:09all of a sudden

00:45:11opens up the,

00:45:12he kind of cool,

00:45:13you know,

00:45:14and men know that,

00:45:14men know how to touch,

00:45:16touch those points

00:45:17but again,

00:45:18whole other show.

00:45:19I wanted to ask Rome

00:45:21and we spoke about this

00:45:22in our chats.

00:45:25Women,

00:45:25you have an argument,

00:45:27right?

00:45:27A man comes along

00:45:28and he says,

00:45:30babes,

00:45:30you know,

00:45:31thinking,

00:45:31hey,

00:45:32time,

00:45:33time is of the essence,

00:45:34you know,

00:45:35this was something trivial

00:45:36and he comes and says,

00:45:37babes,

00:45:38you know,

00:45:38sorry,

00:45:39and in your mind

00:45:40you're looking,

00:45:41you know,

00:45:42you might have a little

00:45:42drink in your head,

00:45:43whatever the case may be

00:45:44but you want an action

00:45:45and you decide,

00:45:47a woman on the other hand

00:45:48coming to a man,

00:45:50let me put it into context,

00:45:52a woman coming to a man

00:45:53after an argument,

00:45:54babes or something,

00:45:55man,

00:45:56he forget about that

00:45:57and he taking,

00:45:58taking wherever he could get

00:45:59to that particular point

00:46:00but on the other hand,

00:46:02that woman,

00:46:02Jamie,

00:46:04Dania,

00:46:05how are you reacting?

00:46:07Dania,

00:46:07don't touch me,

00:46:08don't touch,

00:46:10if I'm angry,

00:46:11if I am angry,

00:46:13do not touch me,

00:46:15there's no way

00:46:15I might kick it down

00:46:16like I might say,

00:46:18no,

00:46:18give me my space,

00:46:19let me calm down,

00:46:21let me breathe,

00:46:22let me go through

00:46:23the process in my head,

00:46:25maybe you can come

00:46:26and apologize

00:46:27because probably

00:46:29you were wrong,

00:46:29most likely,

00:46:31I different,

00:46:31come and apologize,

00:46:33let you know,

00:46:33make up,

00:46:34whenever we make up,

00:46:35we can go ahead,

00:46:37because men are always wrong,

00:46:39no,

00:46:40no,

00:46:41it's according to what you do,

00:46:42right?

00:46:42It depends,

00:46:43why would I be so angry

00:46:44if I'm wrong,

00:46:44if I'm clearly angry

00:46:45about something,

00:46:46it's because you did something

00:46:47that would have hurt me

00:46:49or that I didn't like,

00:46:51right,

00:46:51not because I wouldn't be angry

00:46:52if I did something wrong,

00:46:53then I would have been coming

00:46:54to you to be like,

00:46:55baby,

00:46:56you know,

00:46:57but if I am angry,

00:46:57even if you're wrong,

00:46:58you might go,

00:46:59but,

00:47:00but,

00:47:01I'm apologizing,

00:47:02but,

00:47:02and every time you say,

00:47:03but,

00:47:04you discredit,

00:47:04no,

00:47:05if I'm,

00:47:06anytime that I am wrong,

00:47:07I apologize,

00:47:09if I felt some type of way

00:47:11about a situation as well,

00:47:12I might say,

00:47:12I felt this way,

00:47:13you realize when you said that,

00:47:14I am very sorry,

00:47:15three heads went like this,

00:47:16immediately,

00:47:19I,

00:47:19that's the truth,

00:47:20anytime I am wrong,

00:47:22I apologize,

00:47:23I hear,

00:47:23you're perfect,

00:47:23it's not that I'm perfect,

00:47:25okay,

00:47:26listen,

00:47:27my person,

00:47:28from day one,

00:47:30from day,

00:47:30the jump,

00:47:31the jump,

00:47:31and that,

00:47:32and this is very rare,

00:47:33you don't get these type of things,

00:47:34made a big issue on communication,

00:47:36from jump,

00:47:37it was always,

00:47:38because I never used to be a very open,

00:47:41communicative person,

00:47:42like,

00:47:42I wouldn't say how I feel,

00:47:43I wouldn't talk about those things,

00:47:45like,

00:47:45I was always one to bury,

00:47:46let go and move on,

00:47:47but from day jump,

00:47:48since we started dating,

00:47:49it was always about communication,

00:47:51communication,

00:47:52and he's always been very open with me,

00:47:54so it also allowed me to feel,

00:47:58like,

00:47:58I could be very open with him,

00:48:00and really,

00:48:01truly say what's on my mind at all times,

00:48:03and give truth,

00:48:03and give honesty,

00:48:04and it's the same vice versa,

00:48:06so we have that,

00:48:07so if I do something wrong,

00:48:09I don't have no ego,

00:48:10I don't feel no type of way to go and say,

00:48:12babe,

00:48:12I'm sorry,

00:48:13like,

00:48:13I really didn't mean to make you feel that type of way,

00:48:15whatever the case may be,

00:48:16and it's the same vice versa,

00:48:18if he does something wrong,

00:48:19he has no ego,

00:48:20and no problem with coming to apologize to me,

00:48:22or understanding where he went wrong,

00:48:24would you apologize even,

00:48:26would you apologize even if you felt in conviction that you were right,

00:48:31but the bigger picture is it becomes,

00:48:33sometimes trivial?

00:48:34Well,

00:48:34some arguments is not really,

00:48:36some arguments aren't really about who's wrong or who's right,

00:48:39sometimes you both get hurt,

00:48:40or sometimes you both may have a point,

00:48:43like,

00:48:43I may have done this and it hurts you,

00:48:45but I did this because I felt this type of way when you did it,

00:48:48and at those times,

00:48:49you come and you both apologize,

00:48:50because you really didn't mean to hurt each other,

00:48:52it just ended up that way.

00:48:54So you understand that you are not the problem,

00:48:57he is not the problem,

00:48:58the problem is the problem.

00:48:59The problem,

00:49:00exactly.

00:49:00And you just address that.

00:49:01The problem is the problem,

00:49:02we address the problem,

00:49:03and we move forward from there,

00:49:04and we try not to let that happen again,

00:49:06or if it does,

00:49:07we know how to tackle it,

00:49:07instead of being angry at each other.

00:49:10Jimmy,

00:49:11I want to hear somebody comes and apologizes to you,

00:49:13when you,

00:49:13and says,

00:49:14hey,

00:49:14rather and truly,

00:49:16the motive might be a while or something,

00:49:17something,

00:49:17or you both,

00:49:19you know,

00:49:20at it,

00:49:20you know,

00:49:20out of just.

00:49:22Okay,

00:49:22so it's according to what you,

00:49:24what you do.

00:49:25If it is like,

00:49:26oh,

00:49:27and I'm not coming back.

00:49:30I'm not coming back from that.

00:49:31That's not coming back.

00:49:32Why are you coming around me for?

00:49:33Why are you coming around me for?

00:49:37But if it's something,

00:49:38trivial,

00:49:40you know what I mean?

00:49:41I want you to,

00:49:42that's just me,

00:49:44I want you to,

00:49:47come home,

00:49:49come girl,

00:49:52you know what I mean?

00:49:53A little rough up.

00:49:54A little,

00:49:55you know,

00:49:56yeah,

00:49:56like,

00:49:58trying to like,

00:49:59filter it.

00:49:59I don't want to cuss.

00:50:01Daddy,

00:50:02don't watch this.

00:50:05But I,

00:50:06I,

00:50:06I like physical.

00:50:10Dominance?

00:50:11Yes.

00:50:12When I vex,

00:50:14I want you to do that with me.

00:50:15I want you to,

00:50:16come and show me the love.

00:50:19Because to me,

00:50:20when you,

00:50:21when you,

00:50:22um,

00:50:22like,

00:50:23distance yourself from me,

00:50:24after we have an argument,

00:50:25or whatever,

00:50:26I thinking,

00:50:27oh gosh,

00:50:27this,

00:50:27this person going to leave me,

00:50:29this person going to give up on me.

00:50:31But if,

00:50:32we,

00:50:32you are your most,

00:50:34like,

00:50:35angry,

00:50:36you're in the most angry of states.

00:50:39And you come,

00:50:40and drop everything,

00:50:41and just come to me,

00:50:42and like,

00:50:44baby girl,

00:50:45uh,

00:50:46I like,

00:50:47ooh,

00:50:49we say sorry after.

00:50:52You know what I mean?

00:50:53And that is it.

00:50:54Because I hate to be angry,

00:50:55I hate to quarrel,

00:50:56and if after quarrel,

00:50:56that means,

00:50:57something wrong with you now,

00:50:59boy.

00:51:00But I also feel like,

00:51:01sometimes when couples do that,

00:51:04they tend not to talk about the problem.

00:51:06Like,

00:51:07if you're,

00:51:08you guys have an issue,

00:51:09and y'all do that,

00:51:11like,

00:51:11he comes,

00:51:11and he just,

00:51:12y'all have sex,

00:51:13and y'all just get good after that.

00:51:14We can talk to him,

00:51:14a lot of the times,

00:51:16couples tend not to talk about the actual problem.

00:51:22And then,

00:51:22that goes,

00:51:23untalked about,

00:51:25untalked about,

00:51:26untalked about,

00:51:27and then boom.

00:51:28Nah.

00:51:28A lot of times in relationships,

00:51:30we use sex,

00:51:32as something just to pacify our situation.

00:51:34You kind of get to the point,

00:51:35it's like,

00:51:36hey,

00:51:36you know,

00:51:37Rome,

00:51:37don't watch me so.

00:51:38Right?

00:51:38I just,

00:51:40no,

00:51:40don't watch it.

00:51:41Sometimes,

00:51:42sometimes you,

00:51:43sometimes you even forget,

00:51:45what started the topic off,

00:51:47or what started.

00:51:47Because it's trivial.

00:51:48It's trivial.

00:51:49And you're really,

00:51:49Yeah,

00:51:49but those trivial things is Adam.

00:51:51No,

00:51:51but Danielle,

00:51:52what you really want,

00:51:53is you just tell yourself,

00:51:54listen,

00:51:54I really,

00:51:55I really do have time,

00:51:56by the time I'm arguing,

00:51:57you might be coming home,

00:51:59you might have a little buzz,

00:52:00I feel a little vibe,

00:52:01something happens,

00:52:02you're like,

00:52:02oh God,

00:52:03I don't,

00:52:03I don't really want to lose this,

00:52:04because now,

00:52:05now how I feel,

00:52:06it might be my best,

00:52:06how I perform best anyway,

00:52:08generally,

00:52:09you know,

00:52:09men know the times of,

00:52:11of,

00:52:11of peak performance.

00:52:12Yeah.

00:52:12And you just want to move on from it.

00:52:14Yeah.

00:52:15And then by the time you,

00:52:17but if,

00:52:18if your woman does open up,

00:52:19literally and figuratively,

00:52:21and something happens,

00:52:23then,

00:52:24you tend to,

00:52:25afterwards,

00:52:26realize how trivial it is,

00:52:27or just move on.

00:52:29Now,

00:52:30is that then suppressing,

00:52:32what might be a bigger problem going forward,

00:52:35because women sometimes,

00:52:36I,

00:52:36I could speak for me,

00:52:37I don't hold on to,

00:52:39when that's done,

00:52:40it's done.

00:52:40But I'm asking,

00:52:41do women then hold on,

00:52:43like a snowball effect?

00:52:44They still have a little peace feeling that,

00:52:46wow,

00:52:46this has been unresolved,

00:52:47or it comes again,

00:52:48and then this becomes bigger,

00:52:49bigger,

00:52:50bigger.

00:52:50I can't talk for all women,

00:52:51I can talk for myself,

00:52:52because I've had,

00:52:55so much,

00:52:56experience with death,

00:52:58and,

00:52:59and losing people,

00:53:00and,

00:53:01I'm aware of the mortality,

00:53:03that I am.

00:53:04I find if it's trivial,

00:53:06like,

00:53:07it's a **** going over.

00:53:08Yeah.

00:53:08You know what I mean,

00:53:09like,

00:53:09come on,

00:53:10like,

00:53:10you could do,

00:53:11you could do,

00:53:12even the one.

00:53:13No.

00:53:14The one is not trivial.

00:53:16Yeah,

00:53:16no,

00:53:17no,

00:53:18no,

00:53:19no,

00:53:20no,

00:53:21no,

00:53:22you're not a forgiven species,

00:53:25when it comes to that.

00:53:26Yeah,

00:53:27no,

00:53:27that one ain't a forgiven species,

00:53:29when it comes to that,

00:53:30because you can't handle,

00:53:31what you all this dish out,

00:53:32and that is unforgivable,

00:53:33in my books,

00:53:34if you're a horn,

00:53:35you get kicked out of the door.

00:53:36I'm not really built,

00:53:38he not built.

00:53:39We're going to,

00:53:40we're going to,

00:53:40we're going to extend this one,

00:53:42we're going to extend this one,

00:53:43and talk about it,

00:53:43but,

00:53:44Jimmy,

00:53:45you know,

00:53:45I really want,

00:53:46I thank you for your honesty,

00:53:48and,

00:53:49and,

00:53:49I want to hear,

00:53:51from our behavior,

00:53:52change consultant,

00:53:53I want to hear the,

00:53:54some of the science,

00:53:55behind a lot of what we're talking about,

00:53:56here today,

00:53:57so,

00:53:57based on the discussions,

00:53:58that we've had so far,

00:53:59you know,

00:54:00give us,

00:54:00give us your,

00:54:01your,

00:54:02your takeaway thoughts,

00:54:03as to how,

00:54:04how we could progress,

00:54:05you know,

00:54:05some nuggets to the public.

00:54:07Um,

00:54:08as how we can progress,

00:54:09in terms of relationships,

00:54:12I believe that we should go back,

00:54:13to your old school ways,

00:54:15that R&B love,

00:54:16you know,

00:54:16that,

00:54:17that kind of,

00:54:18were you laughing at me,

00:54:19but,

00:54:20no,

00:54:21that R&B love,

00:54:22that,

00:54:22that R&B love,

00:54:23was also very toxic,

00:54:24there,

00:54:24just saying.

00:54:25Girl,

00:54:25toxicity is lovely.

00:54:28No,

00:54:28I'm joking,

00:54:29but,

00:54:29um,

00:54:31that,

00:54:31you know,

00:54:31men,

00:54:32courting women,

00:54:33men,

00:54:34actually putting in the work,

00:54:36to get,

00:54:37get,

00:54:37that life,

00:54:38that soulmate,

00:54:39that person,

00:54:40that you're going to spend the rest of your life with,

00:54:42and procreate,

00:54:43um,

00:54:44putting that work,

00:54:45because,

00:54:45it has so much,

00:54:47people that have,

00:54:48oops,

00:54:48babies,

00:54:49and,

00:54:50oops,

00:54:50babies,

00:54:51going and make more,

00:54:52oops,

00:54:52babies,

00:54:53and,

00:54:53it's a constant,

00:54:54you know what I mean?

00:54:55So,

00:54:56let's take our time,

00:54:57and,

00:54:57and get to,

00:54:59build back the foundation,

00:55:00as to what a relationship should contain,

00:55:03and,

00:55:04better families,

00:55:05you know,

00:55:06because the family is like,

00:55:08a society,

00:55:08the first society that needs to be,

00:55:10corrected,

00:55:12and,

00:55:12then I think,

00:55:13I believe everything else,

00:55:15could flourish.

00:55:17So,

00:55:18Jamie,

00:55:18once again,

00:55:18thank you,

00:55:19we're taking a short break,

00:55:20but,

00:55:21you know,

00:55:21for folks listening here,

00:55:22you know,

00:55:22if you want to hear and see more of Jamie,

00:55:24we definitely,

00:55:25we definitely will be bringing Jamie back for that,

00:55:27that conversation on manhood,

00:55:29where we talk about sexual problems,

00:55:30you know,

00:55:31does size matter,

00:55:33things like that,

00:55:33you know,

00:55:34it's,

00:55:35I know,

00:55:36you're raring to talk about that,

00:55:38so,

00:55:39thank you once again,

00:55:40Jamie,

00:55:41we take a short break,

00:55:42and,

00:55:43Johansi joins us,

00:55:44to get some context,

00:55:45yes,

00:55:46to this.

00:55:59All right,

00:56:00so,

00:56:00I've been listening to the conversation,

00:56:03and just like you all been listening,

00:56:04I have some thoughts,

00:56:06now,

00:56:07it's not about right or wrong,

00:56:08it's about exploring exactly,

00:56:10the thoughts and the feelings of everyone involved,

00:56:12so,

00:56:13Rome,

00:56:13you were saying before about,

00:56:15a woman should allow a man,

00:56:17to be a man,

00:56:18and I've heard people,

00:56:21and even me sometimes,

00:56:22have a problem with the word allow,

00:56:24because allow implies permission,

00:56:26and I think that in relationship,

00:56:28it should be more of a dance,

00:56:29because,

00:56:30let's say,

00:56:31a man have a role,

00:56:32and a woman has a role,

00:56:33I'm not saying universally,

00:56:35but in that relationship,

00:56:36they would decide what that role is,

00:56:38so it's not you allowing her to be a woman,

00:56:40or she allowing you to be a man,

00:56:42but you're doing this dance together,

00:56:45right,

00:56:45that's one,

00:56:46and then,

00:56:47Danir,

00:56:47you were saying,

00:56:49that,

00:56:50that,

00:56:51we're talking about independent women,

00:56:52independent women,

00:56:53yes.

00:56:53Now,

00:56:54in,

00:56:56in early years,

00:56:57I,

00:56:58I think I was a bit of an advocate,

00:57:00for the independence,

00:57:01because,

00:57:02the theory was two independent people,

00:57:04coming together,

00:57:05but,

00:57:06when I got married,

00:57:07I realized,

00:57:08two people,

00:57:09can't be independent anymore,

00:57:10so,

00:57:11if I was single,

00:57:11I could be independent,

00:57:12if my wife was single,

00:57:13she could be independent,

00:57:14but when you come together,

00:57:15there's an interdependence,

00:57:17that,

00:57:18that,

00:57:18that has to form,

00:57:20now,

00:57:20that doesn't mean,

00:57:21that doesn't mean,

00:57:21that we're doing things separately,

00:57:25or we're not having our own lives,

00:57:27but now,

00:57:28it is dependent on each other,

00:57:30and then,

00:57:30Romeo saying that,

00:57:32in terms of,

00:57:33who has the final say in the home,

00:57:35now,

00:57:35I've tested this theory already,

00:57:38to see what works well,

00:57:40and also observed clients,

00:57:42and,

00:57:43the man having the final say,

00:57:45works best,

00:57:46now,

00:57:46I'm not saying that,

00:57:47the man is always right,

00:57:48but,

00:57:49the,

00:57:50the act of making the decision,

00:57:52because,

00:57:52even if I want to go from a biological point of view,

00:57:55because,

00:57:56women have more connections,

00:57:57between the right,

00:57:58and the left side of their brain,

00:57:59that's why women can multitask,

00:58:00better than us,

00:58:02when it's time to make a decision,

00:58:04sometimes,

00:58:05the information is too much,

00:58:07so,

00:58:07I don't know if you ever noticed this,

00:58:09sometimes,

00:58:09when a woman has to make too many decisions,

00:58:11she tends to get a bit flustered,

00:58:13now,

00:58:13not all women,

00:58:14and I'm not saying,

00:58:14saying you,

00:58:15you are all women,

00:58:16but,

00:58:18what you want to eat,

00:58:19I don't know,

00:58:20why,

00:58:20the don't know happens,

00:58:21because,

00:58:22at that moment,

00:58:23every single thing she wants,

00:58:24it comes into mind,

00:58:25at the same time,

00:58:26now,

00:58:26of course,

00:58:26there's advances and disadvantages,

00:58:28to having those,

00:58:29those more connections,

00:58:30so then,

00:58:31she asks,

00:58:31well,

00:58:32what you want,

00:58:33or you tell me,

00:58:33so therefore,

00:58:34now the man makes the final decision,

00:58:36now,

00:58:36it's not trivial,

00:58:37it's you,

00:58:38but,

00:58:38if you look at it on an overach,

00:58:39and I've seen that work,

00:58:41so,

00:58:41a lot of times,

00:58:42and I use my experience,

00:58:43my wife could see a little more than me,

00:58:46in things,

00:58:46so I would ask,

00:58:47what do you think about this,

00:58:48and she would present,

00:58:48a lot more options,

00:58:49than I perceive,

00:58:50but at the end,

00:58:51I'm the person making the decision,

00:58:53tell me your thoughts.

00:58:56Well,

00:58:56that question,

00:58:57of why you want to eat that busy,

00:58:59well boy,

00:59:01I think all new age men,

00:59:03went through that,

00:59:04at some point in our relationship,

00:59:05especially in the courting phase,

00:59:06so,

00:59:07anytime somebody asks me,

00:59:08where I want to eat,

00:59:08I don't know,

00:59:09where you want to eat,

00:59:09right,

00:59:10so,

00:59:11and then too,

00:59:12I feel sometimes,

00:59:13and this is my experience,

00:59:14in dating,

00:59:15is I feel,

00:59:16sometimes a woman,

00:59:17wants to be led,

00:59:19in a case where,

00:59:20even when it comes to something to eat,

00:59:21or somewhere to go on a date,

00:59:23when I now,

00:59:24courting a woman,

00:59:25for the first time,

00:59:26in my experience,

00:59:27what I've seen,

00:59:27a woman prefers,

00:59:28is if I call and say,

00:59:29hey,

00:59:30you available tomorrow night,

00:59:31she says yes,

00:59:32and I say,

00:59:32okay,

00:59:33tomorrow,

00:59:33we head in,

00:59:34XYZ restaurant,

00:59:36at this time,

00:59:37and the woman,

00:59:38I did that with,

00:59:39they like that,

00:59:39where a man takes control,

00:59:41and he say,

00:59:41okay,

00:59:41we're going out for eight o'clock,

00:59:42I'll come in and pick you up thing,

00:59:44when you reach,

00:59:44you already know,

00:59:45what it is we're doing,

00:59:46after that,

00:59:47he has a plan,

00:59:47what we're going to do,

00:59:48after we're dancing,

00:59:49or whatever,

00:59:49and in my experience,

00:59:52I've found that,

00:59:52as though the woman,

00:59:53like to be led,

00:59:54versus,

00:59:56a man asking a woman,

00:59:58so where you want to go,

00:59:58tomorrow night,

00:59:59and then she's like,

01:00:00oh God,

01:00:01well you pick somewhere,

01:00:02and I say,

01:00:02where you want to eat,

01:00:03I mean,

01:00:03all right,

01:00:04well you do something now,

01:00:05or where you think we should do next week,

01:00:06or where you think we should go for this,

01:00:08so it's a matter of,

01:00:10a man knowing the woman he with,

01:00:13knowing,

01:00:13because a man will know,

01:00:14if he gets into know you,

01:00:15over a period of time,

01:00:16he will start to,

01:00:18to know what you like,

01:00:20and what you don't like,

01:00:20after a while,

01:00:21so it will help him,

01:00:23to make a more informed decision,

01:00:25and a better decision,

01:00:26for the team,

01:00:27my mom keep talking team,

01:00:29as we move forward,

01:00:30so he wouldn't have to ask you,

01:00:31every minute,

01:00:32what you like,

01:00:33or what you don't like,

01:00:34or if you prefer this,

01:00:35or what,

01:00:35because I would know,

01:00:36I would know that woman,

01:00:37I was with before,

01:00:38I know she don't eat meat,

01:00:40so I know if I look in the pick a restaurant,

01:00:42I look in for a seafood restaurant,

01:00:43for her,

01:00:44or something like that,

01:00:45early phase,

01:00:45it will be different,

01:00:46I might ask you,

01:00:47what you don't like,

01:00:48so if you tell me,

01:00:50well I don't eat fish,

01:00:50because I have allergic,

01:00:51or I have shellfish,

01:00:53allergies or something,

01:00:54then it will help me,

01:00:55to make a better decision,

01:00:56but again,

01:00:57overall for me,

01:00:58I feel from my experience,

01:01:00in a lot of the cases,

01:01:01that even though,

01:01:02a lot of women say,

01:01:03they want to be independent,

01:01:05they sometimes prefer,

01:01:06to be led by a man,

01:01:08and,

01:01:09but that goes back,

01:01:10in the time,

01:01:10what I was saying about,

01:01:11women don't mind,

01:01:12being submissive,

01:01:14like,

01:01:14they don't mind being submissive,

01:01:16but I feel like,

01:01:17where the independence come in,

01:01:19is just that,

01:01:20we also like to have,

01:01:22a security,

01:01:23a peace of mind,

01:01:24that we could also provide for ourselves,

01:01:25if we have to,

01:01:27because,

01:01:29in all fairness,

01:01:30men haven't always been,

01:01:31the most reliable creatures,

01:01:32on the planet,

01:01:33in all fairness,

01:01:34you all have not been,

01:01:35going wrong with this man,

01:01:36it's not even just about,

01:01:38sometimes it's not even,

01:01:39about the relationships,

01:01:40you have with someone,

01:01:41you know,

01:01:41you might know,

01:01:42you might be,

01:01:43you might be,

01:01:45that's not what it is,

01:01:47psychologically,

01:01:48you might grow up,

01:01:49and your mom and dad,

01:01:51might have issues,

01:01:52and you might see your dad,

01:01:53mistreating your mom,

01:01:54or you might have an aunt,

01:01:55who getting mistreated,

01:01:56or your sister,

01:01:57or your brother,

01:01:58and those things,

01:01:59stick with you as you grow,

01:02:00and that's why,

01:02:01my mom always stuck into me,

01:02:02independence,

01:02:03and always having your own,

01:02:05because no matter,

01:02:06what anybody had ever done her,

01:02:08she can always have a home,

01:02:09for her children,

01:02:10nobody could have taken that,

01:02:11away from her,

01:02:12so it's not always about,

01:02:14me,

01:02:15I have been independent,

01:02:16since I was young,

01:02:17since I was 16,

01:02:17before I even started dating,

01:02:19I've been an independent person,

01:02:20working and taking care,

01:02:21of my own self,

01:02:22and making my own money,

01:02:23and it's not,

01:02:23had nothing to do,

01:02:24with the people,

01:02:24that I was dating,

01:02:26anything like that,

01:02:27it's just that,

01:02:27women like to feel that,

01:02:29you know,

01:02:29if anything else happens,

01:02:31I can still take care of myself,

01:02:32it's not that I have a problem,

01:02:33with a guy leading,

01:02:34or following a guy's lead,

01:02:35or it's just that,

01:02:36I want to be able to work,

01:02:38I want to be able to follow,

01:02:39my dreams,

01:02:39and my passions,

01:02:40and make decisions,

01:02:41for my life as well,

01:02:42and I want you to also respect that,

01:02:44the same way you,

01:02:45would want to work,

01:02:46and have dreams,

01:02:47and follow your passions,

01:02:49and not give them up,

01:02:50for anybody,

01:02:51it's just mutual.

01:02:51Before you take,

01:02:52let me just give a quick point,

01:02:53on what Dania said there,

01:02:54and I fully agree with you,

01:02:56in that a woman,

01:02:56I like a woman,

01:02:57who says,

01:02:58she could handle herself,

01:02:59and she could take care of herself,

01:03:01the only issue I have with that,

01:03:03is as,

01:03:04as Yancey was saying,

01:03:05the interdependence part,

01:03:07for me,

01:03:07is because,

01:03:08as mature a man as I am,

01:03:10I need a woman,

01:03:12because,

01:03:12I am not the best version of myself,

01:03:16by myself,

01:03:17because I feel as though,

01:03:19to me,

01:03:20when I perform the best,

01:03:21and when I'm the most successful,

01:03:22in my life,

01:03:23is when I have a strong woman,

01:03:25by my side,

01:03:26because men are not,

01:03:27a complete whole,

01:03:29by themselves,

01:03:30we work,

01:03:31that is why,

01:03:32if those of you,

01:03:32who believe in religion,

01:03:34and in biblical days,

01:03:35when God gave Adam,

01:03:37Eve to work with,

01:03:38it's because,

01:03:38it was our pay,

01:03:40and we work better together,

01:03:43because,

01:03:43as Yancey was saying,

01:03:45there are things,

01:03:45that a woman sees,

01:03:46that a man cannot see,

01:03:48and I always believe,

01:03:49even in the work environment,

01:03:50that's why,

01:03:51I always kind of push companies,

01:03:52when I'm advising them,

01:03:53to have a woman on their board,

01:03:55or to have a woman,

01:03:56a part of the team,

01:03:57because you all think,

01:03:58differently from us,

01:03:59and we need you all,

01:04:00to be able to expose us,

01:04:01to that,

01:04:01if you put five men,

01:04:03in this room here,

01:04:03we will talk about,

01:04:04all kind of things,

01:04:04and you bring one woman,

01:04:06and she will see something,

01:04:07that none of us,

01:04:08haven't seen before,

01:04:10also you all bring,

01:04:11a sense of calm,

01:04:13and a sense of emotion,

01:04:15into our decision making,

01:04:16because men are very,

01:04:17a lot of times,

01:04:18we are very logical,

01:04:19thinking creatures,

01:04:20and we don't think,

01:04:21about the emotional side of things,

01:04:23or sometimes,

01:04:24we might not have as much empathy,

01:04:25as a woman may have,

01:04:26in our scenario,

01:04:27and that is where,

01:04:28you all can come,

01:04:28and soften us up,

01:04:29a little bit,

01:04:30to take things,

01:04:31on a different level,

01:04:32and call us out,

01:04:33call us out,

01:04:33so for me,

01:04:34I would always say,

01:04:36I need a woman,

01:04:38as part of my life,

01:04:39for me to be the best,

01:04:40now I can stand up,

01:04:41on my own two feet,

01:04:41and I do it well,

01:04:42by myself,

01:04:43whenever I'm single,

01:04:44but I will never reach,

01:04:45in my opinion,

01:04:47my fullest potential,

01:04:48if you do have that partner,

01:04:50with it,

01:04:51and you work as a team,

01:04:52yeah,

01:04:52that's my final thoughts,

01:04:53on that.

01:04:54I,

01:04:54I totally embrace,

01:04:57and agree with everything,

01:05:00you said Roman,

01:05:00I mean,

01:05:00that's some,

01:05:01some awesome,

01:05:02closing thoughts,

01:05:03I mean,

01:05:03I'd still like to hear,

01:05:05your full analogy,

01:05:06or assessment,

01:05:07of what we've been talking,

01:05:08about here today,

01:05:09but you,

01:05:10you touched on something,

01:05:11about possibly,

01:05:13influences by parents,

01:05:14societal influences,

01:05:16and I recall,

01:05:17you know,

01:05:18a relationship,

01:05:19where,

01:05:20you know,

01:05:21my,

01:05:22the person,

01:05:23I was seeing,

01:05:24was very heavily influenced,

01:05:25by her parents,

01:05:26and,

01:05:27what,

01:05:28what they may have known,

01:05:29about,

01:05:30you know,

01:05:30my,

01:05:31what would have been seen,

01:05:32as that macho bravado,

01:05:33or old school,

01:05:35way of growing up,

01:05:35where you had certain expectations,

01:05:37of a woman,

01:05:39so,

01:05:40the moment I would,

01:05:41I might cook every day,

01:05:42or bring food home,

01:05:43and one of my pet peeves,

01:05:45will always be,

01:05:46I'm not asking her,

01:05:46to cook every day,

01:05:47I'm just asking her,

01:05:48to let me know,

01:05:49if there isn't food,

01:05:51I would bring it home,

01:05:52or I'd be prepared,

01:05:54to come home,

01:05:54and cook something,

01:05:55but when you reach home,

01:05:56and they go,

01:05:56hey,

01:05:56nothing there,

01:05:57put it there,

01:05:58and you,

01:05:59you know,

01:06:00and you,

01:06:00you're hungry,

01:06:02and you sit down there,

01:06:03and now you just,

01:06:04now you had a,

01:06:05boy,

01:06:05cricks on butter,

01:06:06you don't try to rile up something,

01:06:07and you,

01:06:08at that point,

01:06:08you could bite into a piece of concrete,

01:06:10right,

01:06:11so all it,

01:06:11it's about saying that,

01:06:12but,

01:06:13what,

01:06:13what she would be told,

01:06:14is the moment,

01:06:16the moment I could be doing it,

01:06:17all the time,

01:06:18and the moment I would say,

01:06:20babes,

01:06:20you,

01:06:21you're cooking,

01:06:22the parents would think,

01:06:24oh,

01:06:24you see,

01:06:25you have an expectation,

01:06:26for to cook,

01:06:27and have an expectation,

01:06:28to do this,

01:06:29and that typical man,

01:06:30and,

01:06:30and in other words,

01:06:31these small things,

01:06:32became big things,

01:06:33to the point that,

01:06:34I kept feeling that,

01:06:35wait,

01:06:36these are just,

01:06:37typical,

01:06:38male things,

01:06:39and we need to get away,

01:06:40from this understanding,

01:06:42of,

01:06:42what is,

01:06:44what is a man,

01:06:45and what is a woman,

01:06:47innately,

01:06:48things that,

01:06:48we go back to those,

01:06:50hunter,

01:06:51nurturer,

01:06:51and,

01:06:52and it has nothing,

01:06:53to do with,

01:06:54equality,

01:06:56it has nothing,

01:06:56to do with,

01:06:57lesser,

01:06:58or compromise,

01:06:58or even being submissive,

01:07:00it's just,

01:07:01what is naturally,

01:07:02in me,

01:07:03and what is naturally,

01:07:04in you,

01:07:05that,

01:07:06I can't question,

01:07:08so if you start,

01:07:09if a man starts,

01:07:10to question,

01:07:11why is a woman,

01:07:12so like,

01:07:12why is she so boy,

01:07:14and,

01:07:14it's not you,

01:07:15it's women in general,

01:07:17vice versa,

01:07:18women question,

01:07:19a man's behavior,

01:07:19unless you go in,

01:07:20with somebody else,

01:07:22all men,

01:07:23true men,

01:07:23are going to be,

01:07:24a particular way,

01:07:26your,

01:07:27your fundamentals,

01:07:28as in terms of,

01:07:28societal influences,

01:07:30may make you be,

01:07:31a certain way,

01:07:31like you might,

01:07:32massage,

01:07:33you might do,

01:07:34different things,

01:07:34that are different,

01:07:35to what another man,

01:07:36may do,

01:07:37but fundamentally,

01:07:38a man is a man,

01:07:39and a woman,

01:07:40is a woman,

01:07:41and we need to start,

01:07:42looking at that,

01:07:43addressing it,

01:07:44respecting it,

01:07:45and moving,

01:07:46to bleep on,

01:07:47what I think,

01:07:49people need to start doing,

01:07:51is again,

01:07:52communication,

01:07:53and getting to know,

01:07:55your partner,

01:07:56all of that,

01:07:57a man is a woman,

01:07:58a woman is a woman,

01:08:00a man is a man,

01:08:01all of that,

01:08:02means nothing,

01:08:03if you don't know your partner,

01:08:04because there's women out here,

01:08:06who don't cook,

01:08:07they're not going in that kitchen,

01:08:09they're not picking up our pot,

01:08:10and that is fine,

01:08:11and that's fine,

01:08:11but for someone to say that,

01:08:13a woman's innate feeling,

01:08:15is to,

01:08:15you know,

01:08:16wake up any morning,

01:08:17no,

01:08:17that is something,

01:08:17that's taught,

01:08:18that's not what I said,

01:08:19we're talking about nurture,

01:08:19that is something,

01:08:20that is taught to you,

01:08:21from a child,

01:08:22I can cook,

01:08:23I feel to cook,

01:08:24for my boyfriend,

01:08:25but the reason,

01:08:25why that happens,

01:08:26is because when I was growing up,

01:08:28my mom always taught me,

01:08:30that,

01:08:31and by watching her,

01:08:32do for her husband,

01:08:33wake up in the morning,

01:08:34you cook breakfast,

01:08:35you cook dinner,

01:08:36that's the reason,

01:08:36why I like to do it,

01:08:37some people,

01:08:38some women grew up with that,

01:08:40and still don't like to do it,

01:08:41and some women,

01:08:41just don't like to cook,

01:08:42and that is fine,

01:08:43and that's fine,

01:08:44and some men,

01:08:45love to cook,

01:08:47they will cook up their pot,

01:08:48they like to get up,

01:08:49and make breakfast for their wife,

01:08:50some women like,

01:08:53I feel like,

01:08:53I just want to clarify,

01:08:56where your generation,

01:08:57we have been more,

01:08:59man is man,

01:09:00and woman is woman,

01:09:01but you see my generation,

01:09:03and Gen Z,

01:09:04we're not having that,

01:09:05but understand,

01:09:06we don't believe in gender roles,

01:09:06it's not that we,

01:09:07we,

01:09:09I think we believe,

01:09:10I think we believe,

01:09:12in beyond gender roles,

01:09:14because we have realized,

01:09:15that the generation,

01:09:17before us,

01:09:18are so messed up,

01:09:20they don't,

01:09:20all of this talk,

01:09:22they're all of this talk,

01:09:22but they're,

01:09:23wait,

01:09:24the gender,

01:09:24before us is messed up,

01:09:26and not the generation,

01:09:27the generation,

01:09:28and not the generation,

01:09:30coming forward,

01:09:30but okay,

01:09:31you have to,

01:09:31where somebody's saying,

01:09:32they want to be a unicorn,

01:09:34then let,

01:09:34no,

01:09:35the whole reason,

01:09:36that is a whole nother topic,

01:09:38for a whole nother day,

01:09:39we're not,

01:09:39we're not going to get into that,

01:09:42I think the near,

01:09:43what he was saying,

01:09:44instead of gender roles,

01:09:46what,

01:09:47what you're saying is,

01:09:48and I'll qualify,

01:09:49gender programming,

01:09:50so let's say,

01:09:51a man is a provider,

01:09:52and protector,

01:09:53just going,

01:09:54let's,

01:09:54let's say the hard wire,

01:09:55a man is a provider,

01:09:56and protector,

01:09:56and a woman is a nuturer,

01:09:58right,

01:09:59that manifests itself,

01:10:00in different ways,

01:10:01depending on the generation,

01:10:03depending on the skill set,

01:10:04because,

01:10:05let's say a woman,

01:10:05has no cooking skills,

01:10:07and I can tell you,

01:10:07I've seen this,

01:10:08observed this,

01:10:09with doing enough couples,

01:10:10counseling also,

01:10:12when a woman feels safe,

01:10:13or going with the safety now,

01:10:14when a woman feels safe,

01:10:1799% of the time,

01:10:18she comes into her feminine,

01:10:21and that,

01:10:21that nurture,

01:10:22let's say,

01:10:22let's say she can't cook,

01:10:23let's say the man is a person,

01:10:24who loves to cook,

01:10:25so his role is to cook,

01:10:27she would do something,

01:10:29to try to nurture,

01:10:30and help him cook better,

01:10:32or nurture him,

01:10:32while he's cooking,

01:10:33so you want me to take out,

01:10:34the pots for you,

01:10:35you want me to wash the wares,

01:10:36et cetera,

01:10:37et cetera,

01:10:37so the manifestation of it,

01:10:39may be different,

01:10:40but what I think Robert is saying,

01:10:42and to be honest,

01:10:43I was the opposite argument,

01:10:45I was like,

01:10:45anybody could do anything,

01:10:46but I always like,

01:10:48empirical evidence,

01:10:49and what I've seen thus far,

01:10:50is when,

01:10:51both men and women,

01:10:53are in a state,

01:10:54of psychological safety,

01:10:56they default,

01:10:57using that loosely,

01:10:58they default,

01:10:59to whatever,

01:11:00those gender,

01:11:02rules,

01:11:02not necessarily actions,

01:11:04where the gender roles,

01:11:05occur,

01:11:06and that will come back,

01:11:07to something we discussed,

01:11:08in prior conversations,

01:11:09where we spoke about,

01:11:10masculine energy,

01:11:11so masculine energy,

01:11:12comes about,

01:11:13when one,

01:11:14one,

01:11:15either side,

01:11:17so,

01:11:17in other words,

01:11:18if you feel,

01:11:19that you're not getting,

01:11:20what's innately in a man,

01:11:22and that's the thing,

01:11:23it's not a conscious thing,

01:11:24it's a subconscious thing,

01:11:25and if you're not getting,

01:11:26that connection,

01:11:27what happens is,

01:11:28you start to take on,

01:11:29those roles,

01:11:30you start to take on,

01:11:31that behavior,

01:11:32you start to take on,

01:11:33that survival mode,

01:11:34especially when it comes,

01:11:34to your kids,

01:11:35if you're not getting,

01:11:35that security,

01:11:37you start to behave,

01:11:38in that particular way,

01:11:38because you're not getting,

01:11:39it from the man,

01:11:40and vice versa,

01:11:41from a man to a woman,

01:11:43he then takes on,

01:11:44what he's expecting,

01:11:45to get from her,

01:11:45so it's you,

01:11:46so he may think,

01:11:47I need to be a bit more nurturing,

01:11:48I might want to touch you,

01:11:49a bit more,

01:11:50because he really is saying,

01:11:52hey,

01:11:52I'm trying to show you,

01:11:54so that you can,

01:11:55you can do what is innate,

01:11:56and it has nothing,

01:11:57to do with generations,

01:11:59because it's,

01:11:59the innateness of it,

01:12:01is throughout,

01:12:02as Johansi pointed out,

01:12:04it's just manifestations of it,

01:12:05sorry,

01:12:06I just,

01:12:07I always hear,

01:12:08a lot of people discuss,

01:12:09this gender role issue,

01:12:11and,

01:12:12why does a woman,

01:12:13have to,

01:12:14be in the kitchen,

01:12:15all the time,

01:12:15is it because,

01:12:16you feel a woman,

01:12:17built smaller,

01:12:18and her foot shorter,

01:12:18so she can stand up,

01:12:19closer to the stove,

01:12:20and there always are jokes,

01:12:21about it,

01:12:22right,

01:12:22and,

01:12:23I know women,

01:12:24who don't really like to cook,

01:12:27but,

01:12:27I feel,

01:12:28again,

01:12:29and this is how you started,

01:12:30the conversation,

01:12:30Robert,

01:12:31with Mr.

01:12:32Right,

01:12:32or Mr.

01:12:33Wrong,

01:12:34and Mrs.

01:12:34Right,

01:12:35or Mrs.

01:12:35Wrong,

01:12:36if I know,

01:12:37that I like to eat home,

01:12:39cook food as a man,

01:12:40and I can't cook,

01:12:42and I busy throughout the day,

01:12:44why would I go and put myself,

01:12:46with a woman,

01:12:47who can't cook either,

01:12:48and she busy whole day too,

01:12:50unless both of us,

01:12:50making enough money,

01:12:51that we could hire a maid home,

01:12:53that could cook,

01:12:54and both of us get home,

01:12:55cook food when we come home,

01:12:57if you don't do that,

01:12:58you're going to run into issues,

01:13:00because the man now,

01:13:01who like that,

01:13:02and he want at home,

01:13:04cook meal,

01:13:04and he,

01:13:05do it a macaroni pie,

01:13:06and a stew chicken,

01:13:07and a call a lube,

01:13:08I can't wait to go,

01:13:08man,

01:13:09and eat that,

01:13:09I want to meet him,

01:13:09my wife can't cook nothing,

01:13:11and a woman in work now,

01:13:15know that this man like that,

01:13:16and she come and say,

01:13:18hey,

01:13:19Robert boy,

01:13:19and they're like,

01:13:20look I'm cooking yesterday,

01:13:21and get this,

01:13:22you as a woman now,

01:13:24you could create issues now,

01:13:26with your team,

01:13:27because this is what the man like,

01:13:29and that might have been,

01:13:30a problem in the beginning,

01:13:31in selecting the wrong partner,

01:13:33or,

01:13:34Mr. Right or Mr. Wrong,

01:13:35or it could be,

01:13:37if I wasn't that person,

01:13:38in the beginning,

01:13:38and I think I really love this person,

01:13:40and I care for this person,

01:13:41and this is what this person likes,

01:13:43then I might have to learn to cook,

01:13:45because the woman like this,

01:13:46or the man likes this,

01:13:48and I might have to conform a bit,

01:13:50and compromise,

01:13:52to cater for that person,

01:13:53or it come as though,

01:13:55you mentioned male energy,

01:13:57and bravado,

01:13:58and all of that,

01:13:59a lot of women,

01:14:00if you have a man,

01:14:01you have a flat tire,

01:14:03something wrong with the car,

01:14:05you want to be able to call on your man,

01:14:06to say babe,

01:14:07something here,

01:14:08come and help me,

01:14:09or whatever,

01:14:09you bring a man there,

01:14:11the man never change a tire,

01:14:12in his life,

01:14:13he ain't know what to do,

01:14:14he calling some next man to come,

01:14:16again,

01:14:16you as a woman,

01:14:17how you will feel,

01:14:19if your man is a manly man,

01:14:20or,

01:14:21you have a problem,

01:14:22home in the house,

01:14:23the electricity gone,

01:14:26or a pipe break,

01:14:27or something like that,

01:14:28and you expect the man,

01:14:29to take a wrench,

01:14:30and deal with this issue,

01:14:32the man said,

01:14:32babe you fix it,

01:14:34or a cockroach fly in the house,

01:14:35and,

01:14:36and he's screaming,

01:14:37you're screaming,

01:14:38and he's screaming,

01:14:39more than you,

01:14:39and he's running him back there,

01:14:40one check that,

01:14:41and,

01:14:41yeah,

01:14:42you as a woman,

01:14:43you would expect certain,

01:14:45or somebody,

01:14:45you're hearing a noise outside there,

01:14:47and,

01:14:48you don't know if it's a bandit,

01:14:49or if it's a whatever,

01:14:50and you say babe,

01:14:51I tell you,

01:14:51you tell you,

01:14:52you go first,

01:14:52and,

01:14:52right,

01:14:53exactly,

01:14:53and you saying babe,

01:14:54you go,

01:14:55you saying babe,

01:14:56I hear something,

01:14:56you go there,

01:14:57and you as a woman scared,

01:14:58you expecting your man,

01:14:59now to man up,

01:15:00and,

01:15:02go and check,

01:15:02and see what is going on,

01:15:03is the same way,

01:15:05a man expecting his woman,

01:15:07to woman up,

01:15:07and say well,

01:15:09babe I know you're hungry,

01:15:09and you now come home from work,

01:15:11and look at let me prepare something for you,

01:15:12because,

01:15:13in a man,

01:15:14he expecting that nurturing,

01:15:16aspect of the woman,

01:15:17to be able to take care of him,

01:15:18and the family,

01:15:19and the household,

01:15:20and the same way,

01:15:20the woman will kind of lean on the man,

01:15:22to be the protector,

01:15:23and the provider,

01:15:24of the household,

01:15:25I feel like,

01:15:26I am a bit,

01:15:27and this is just me,

01:15:28and I'm not saying,

01:15:28it's the right way,

01:15:29but for me,

01:15:30I am a bit more traditional,

01:15:31when it comes to the gender roles,

01:15:33a man should be a man,

01:15:34in certain cases,

01:15:35a woman should be a woman,

01:15:37it's not to say,

01:15:37you don't have your independence,

01:15:39and you can't make your own money,

01:15:40I'm making my money,

01:15:41you're making yours,

01:15:42but,

01:15:42when we come home as a team,

01:15:43I feel like if,

01:15:44I ain't going on send you outside,

01:15:46to go under the car,

01:15:47to change the oil,

01:15:48I'm not going on send you outside,

01:15:50to pick up dog,

01:15:51toots in the yard,

01:15:52and to rick up the leaves,

01:15:53and whatever,

01:15:54I as a man,

01:15:55I would do,

01:15:55I ain't sending you on the roof,

01:15:56to go and change no galvanize,

01:15:58I would do them things,

01:15:59as man,

01:15:59I feel like it's my role,

01:16:01and then it's the vice versa,

01:16:02as a woman,

01:16:03I expect that,

01:16:04okay baby,

01:16:05I do want to now,

01:16:05change the roof on a thing,

01:16:07and I come on sweaty,

01:16:08and I,

01:16:08so we're eating,

01:16:10we're eating,

01:16:11and you tell me,

01:16:12wait,

01:16:12so why you can't cook,

01:16:14again,

01:16:15right,

01:16:15why you can't cook,

01:16:16well,

01:16:16it's no problem,

01:16:17I don't buy the food,

01:16:18it depends,

01:16:18I wanted to take this,

01:16:21as your closing thoughts,

01:16:22because we've,

01:16:23we've gone on,

01:16:24I think,

01:16:24I think the topic is up,

01:16:25there are two episodes,

01:16:26this is,

01:16:27we take in two into one,

01:16:29you know,

01:16:29I think,

01:16:31I think it's worth the conversation,

01:16:33and again,

01:16:33we're delighted to have,

01:16:35a female's perspective,

01:16:36or we had two females,

01:16:37now one,

01:16:38perspective on the show,

01:16:39which we're very grateful for,

01:16:41so,

01:16:41let's say your closing thoughts,

01:16:43either rebuttal to Rome,

01:16:45or in general,

01:16:46my closing thoughts,

01:16:48would definitely have to be,

01:16:49and I always stand firm,

01:16:50in communication,

01:16:52with your partner,

01:16:53and actually taking the time,

01:16:54to get to know someone,

01:16:56and all of these little things,

01:16:58about them,

01:16:59I feel like,

01:17:01we have a culture,

01:17:02where we start to date someone,

01:17:04we fall in love,

01:17:04and we don't even know them yet,

01:17:06so after we fall in love,

01:17:08we just take everything,

01:17:09that comes with them,

01:17:09and that's why you can have that,

01:17:11all of those arguments,

01:17:12and now getting to know someone,

01:17:14because you didn't actually take the time,

01:17:16in the beginning,

01:17:16to get to know this person,

01:17:17before you actually,

01:17:19put yourself with them,

01:17:20in a relationship,

01:17:22so communication for sure,

01:17:24there's someone for everyone,

01:17:26so if your values are that,

01:17:28you are more in a traditional sense,

01:17:31then again,

01:17:31it's important to get to know the person,

01:17:33that you're dating,

01:17:34and ensure that their values,

01:17:35align with your values,

01:17:36and you're both going to agree,

01:17:38on those things,

01:17:39if you're not,

01:17:40and your values are more,

01:17:41in an untraditional sense,

01:17:42where you're more of equality,

01:17:44then it's important for you,

01:17:45to date someone,

01:17:46who also feels like that,

01:17:48so you guys won't have to be,

01:17:49in a constant battle,

01:17:51for your entire relationship,

01:17:52and marriage,

01:17:53and all of that,

01:17:54so that's for me,

01:17:55communication,

01:17:56it's important,

01:17:57communicate,

01:17:58everybody is so scared,

01:18:00to talk,

01:18:01or they feel like,

01:18:02they're going to hurt somebody,

01:18:03ego,

01:18:03they feel like,

01:18:04they're going to hurt,

01:18:04their own ego,

01:18:05by just being honest,

01:18:08communicate,

01:18:08men and they shit,

01:18:10and women,

01:18:11women don't like to communicate,

01:18:12but then again,

01:18:12it's all about creating,

01:18:13a safe space,

01:18:14as I said before,

01:18:15my person created,

01:18:17a safe space,

01:18:18for me to be able,

01:18:19to communicate,

01:18:20how I'm feeling,

01:18:21and to always say,

01:18:22what's on my mind,

01:18:23he created that space for me,

01:18:25because I was never,

01:18:26that type of person,

01:18:27so it's just important,

01:18:29that people create,

01:18:31that space,

01:18:31within their relationship,

01:18:33that you guys,

01:18:34can openly communicate,

01:18:37Johansi,

01:18:39voice of reason,

01:18:40I am second,

01:18:42in what,

01:18:42the Nia say,

01:18:43in terms of the communication,

01:18:45you know,

01:18:45I purport,

01:18:46being honest,

01:18:47and especially as men,

01:18:48to be honest,

01:18:49because,

01:18:50to really get to know someone,

01:18:51first you have to know yourself,

01:18:53and be honest about,

01:18:53who you are,

01:18:54and what you want,

01:18:54because if you come into a relationship,

01:18:57and you want somebody,

01:18:58to be something that they're not,

01:18:59it will always cause a problem,

01:19:01so no matter what there is,

01:19:02what rules it is,

01:19:04forget let's say,

01:19:04gender rules,

01:19:05versus an agreement,

01:19:07both of you all come into the relationship,

01:19:09this is what I want to do,

01:19:10this is what I want from you,

01:19:12tell me what you want,

01:19:13et cetera,

01:19:13and then,

01:19:13have an honest conversation,

01:19:15and if you all have that honest conversation,

01:19:16then the relationship,

01:19:17will be healthy.

01:19:18A lot here today,

01:19:23and like I said,

01:19:23it's worth the extension,

01:19:25the conversation,

01:19:26I thank you all for your time,

01:19:29Johanse,

01:19:29Denia,

01:19:30Rome,

01:19:31it's been powerful,

01:19:32I've learned a lot,

01:19:33and I remember,

01:19:33a lot of what's discussed here today,

01:19:35is not necessarily someone's opinion,

01:19:37where we're speaking,

01:19:38to those who are out there listening,

01:19:40and we're meeting people where they're at,

01:19:42and having those conversations,

01:19:44to hopefully,

01:19:45make your life a bit better,

01:19:47or make you understand,

01:19:48a bit more,

01:19:49what you may be going through,

01:19:50or someone else might be going through,

01:19:52and help alleviate,

01:19:54some of those,

01:19:55those issues,

01:19:57where we go from,

01:19:58trivial to,

01:19:59violence,

01:20:01and at the core of it,

01:20:02it might be something,

01:20:03that's very easily understood,

01:20:04or as you put it,

01:20:05communicated,

01:20:07so man up when you can,

01:20:08woman up when you can,

01:20:10and it's about,

01:20:11accepting what you,

01:20:14are willing to accept,

01:20:16bottom line,

01:20:17so this has been another,

01:20:18conversation of manhood,

01:20:19manhood,

01:20:21brought to you by,

01:20:31Jameson,

01:20:32natural sources,

01:20:33since 19...

01:20:34...

01:20:35...

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