Frasier Season 2 Episode 13 Retirement Is Mur Der
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00:00Ah, yes. Another beautiful Saturday night. The moon is full. The city lights are twinkling.
00:11Lovers steal kisses in a park. And here, Shea Crane.
00:20My father and his assistant sit hunched over 20-year-old photographs of a murdered hooker.
00:32Life is a banquet.
00:36I enjoy looking at your father's old case. Just because you have no plans tonight, don't spoil our harmless fun.
00:44You know, there's nothing we Brits like better than a grisly murder and a nice hot cup of tea.
00:51Listen, Daphne, I've got a lot of work to do here, so if you don't mind...
00:55Oh, excuse me. I didn't know I was bothering you.
00:59Oh, well, I'm sorry. It's this damn case. I feel like the answer to who murdered Helen is right here. I just can't see it.
01:07Dad, you're obsessing. You stare at these grisly pictures day after day, night after night.
01:14Come on, why don't we go out and see a movie?
01:16No, thanks.
01:17Let's go get a pizza.
01:19Nah.
01:19Let's get tattooed.
01:22Oh.
01:25It's ridiculous. It's a beautiful night, and I'm not going to miss it.
01:29I'll go out and take a nice long walk.
01:31I'm not going by myself.
01:33He likes the rhododendrons on the north side of the park.
01:43And I just want to thank you, Dr. Crane. Because of your advice, I've conquered my fear of heights.
01:58I took it slowly, gradually going higher and higher until here I am right now having lunch at the top of the space needle.
02:07Marjorie, congratulations. I'm so proud of you.
02:11I mean, what would I think of how you...
02:13God, what's wrong? What happened?
02:18I just looked down.
02:20Oh, Marjorie, don't do that. Look at your luncheon companions. Look at your menu, but don't look down. You're only feeding your fears when you do that.
02:29Maybe I wasn't ready for a window table.
02:33No, no, no. Of course you are. Of course you are. You can beat this thing.
02:38You're right. I can, Dr. Crane. If I just...
02:42Do not look down!
02:46No, I didn't. My check just came.
02:49Oh, well, Marjorie, we're just about out of time now. Call me tomorrow, will you?
03:01Well, that's it for today, folks. Stay tuned for Bob Bulldog Briscoe. This is Dr. Frasier Crane, KACL 780 Talk Radio.
03:12Hey, Doc.
03:13Bulldog.
03:14I caught the first hour of your show today.
03:17If that chick whining about sexual harassment called my show, I'd say,
03:22Listen, doll. You don't want people snapping your bra. Don't wear one.
03:29Brilliant, and it's simplicity.
03:34Hey, how's this sound, hard body?
03:37You, me, Sonics, Nicks, tonight.
03:42Sorry, Bulldog, but I'm already going.
03:44I have season tickets.
03:46Oh, we could still get together afterwards.
03:48Only if I smash into your car in the parking lot.
03:52Why is it the ones that won it the most put up the biggest struggle?
03:59Because when I do finally give in, I want us to enjoy it all the more.
04:05That is, if I'm not too distracted by the fact that every man on Earth has died.
04:19Almost had her there.
04:22Yes, it could have gone either way.
04:25Ah, well, with my pull, I can get those any time I want.
04:28Hello, Frasier.
04:31Oh, oh, Bulldog, you've got my brother Niles.
04:34Niles, this is Bulldog Grisco.
04:36Oh, oh, oh, just the man I want to talk to.
04:38As a sports expert, I'm sure you can tell me why none of the local media
04:42carry the Ivy League squash standings.
04:44Whoa, another one just like you.
04:53Some gypsy put a curse on your family?
04:58Well, I've got to run.
05:00See you later, Miles.
05:01It's Niles.
05:04Like it matters.
05:05Will, you ready for our boys' night out at Le Cochon Noir?
05:18Yes.
05:20But Niles, I've been wondering.
05:22Would you mind if I asked Dad to join us?
05:26Remember the last time we took Dad to a four-star restaurant?
05:29He had a miserable time.
05:31The restaurant lost a whole star.
05:35You know, it's just I'm trying desperately to find some way to get him out of the house.
05:38He's off on one of his weeping lotus binges again.
05:42We've tried distracting him before.
05:44We've taken him everywhere from the Arboretum to the Zen Garden.
05:48Wait a minute.
05:50The Zen Garden is at the Arboretum.
05:52Good Lord, is it possible we've only taken him one place?
05:57Oh, Niles, Niles, this is it.
05:59This is it, the basketball game.
06:02Basketball?
06:02Yes, yes, I can get another ticket from promotional department.
06:06Oh, this is perfect.
06:07Just imagine how excited Dad will be to go to a game with his two sons.
06:11My God, it's the archetypal male bonding ritual.
06:15Couldn't we just go into the woods, kill something, and have done with it?
06:18All right, come on, Niles, look.
06:23It'll give you a chance to see the Tacoma Dome.
06:25I've already seen it.
06:26They had a home show there once.
06:29You know, that's where I got that idea to stencil a grape arbor on our Wilts Dresser.
06:34I'm a teamster compared to you.
06:36Peanuts!
06:42Peanuts!
06:47Peanuts here!
06:48Peanuts!
06:50Peanuts!
06:50Niles, the game's that way.
06:52I know, I'm just calculating our escape route in case of fire or urban unrest.
06:59Maris taught me that.
07:01You love her, don't you?
07:02Yes, I do.
07:04Why?
07:04It just helps to know that.
07:07Here we are.
07:09One beer and two glasses of wine.
07:14Sure is good, Niles.
07:15They opened a fresh box when they poured it.
07:18What are you guys doing drinking wine at a ball game?
07:21You ought to be drinking beer.
07:23Dad, I only drink beer when I eat German food, which is to say, never.
07:29Did you notice where the facilities are when you were up?
07:32Yes, Niles, it's just as you feared communal urinals in the men's room.
07:36Oh, fine.
07:37What am I supposed to do about my shy kidneys?
07:41So, Dad, aren't these great seats, huh?
07:43Yeah.
07:46What's the matter with you?
07:47Uh, nothing.
07:48Let me borrow your pen a minute, will you?
07:50Before...
07:51Well, I was thinking about that ballistics report,
07:53but I just want to make a note so I won't forget it.
07:55Dad, the whole idea of coming here tonight was to get your mind off of the case.
07:59Listen, I've done some reading.
08:03It seems that the key for the sonnet is to stop Starks
08:06from penetrating, dumping the ball off for easy baskets.
08:11Stop Starks?
08:12That sounds funny.
08:13Stop Starks.
08:14Stop Starks.
08:15Stop Starks.
08:15Stop Starks.
08:16Oh, shut up, Niles!
08:19It makes no sense.
08:21Well, Dad, it's not my theory.
08:23I'm just quoting some sports writing.
08:25No, I mean, Helen, she was tall.
08:27She was five feet seven,
08:28yet the bullet entered on a downward trajectory.
08:31Dad, please try to participate.
08:33Oh, look, they're starting the wave.
08:35Oh, it's coming this way.
08:36It's coming this way.
08:42Oh, fuck.
08:44Oh, look, there's a peanut gun.
08:46Peanut!
08:49How dare you?
08:50Look, stop it.
08:52Stop it!
08:56That hooligan is pelting me with peanuts.
08:59And look at that tray.
09:00Oh, he's coming to bed.
09:01Stop him!
09:01Stop it!
09:02That is for me!
09:05I've got to go make a call.
09:07Oh, Dad, this isn't about the case, is it?
09:09Yeah.
09:10Well, Dad, look, you've been working on it for 20 years.
09:13How come you're so obsessed now?
09:14Look, when Helen was murdered, I made a promise to her mother.
09:18I said that no matter how long it took, I'd find the killer.
09:22Well, I had a call from her last week.
09:25She's an old lady now living in a home somewhere, and it, I don't know, she just doesn't seem to have a lot longer to go.
09:32And it just kind of lit a fire under me to get this thing solved.
09:36So, I appreciate you bringing me in, but I've got to make this call.
09:40I'll be back in a couple of minutes.
09:42Okay, Dad.
09:43I understand.
09:44I understand.
09:44Boy, the traffic tonight is murder.
09:50Hey, pal, what's the score?
09:53West Side Story.
09:53You know, it's always bugged me.
10:03This picture of the crime scene.
10:06The way Helen's written help, why would she do that?
10:10Well, I suppose the word howdy would have been a bit too cheery under the circumstances.
10:16But it makes no sense.
10:19Anybody who could read help in the dirt could also see Helen lying there.
10:26Evening, Dad.
10:27Hey, Dad.
10:27Oh, listen, thanks again for the ball game.
10:30It was great.
10:31Oh, God, it was a pleasure, Dad.
10:32I'm only sorry that you couldn't join us for dinner afterwards.
10:36The Coutre Noir gave us a late seating for a fabulous dinner.
10:41It was an exquisite meal marred only by the lack of even one outstanding cognac on their carte de digestif.
10:49Yes, but think about this by now.
10:51What's the one thing better than an exquisite meal?
10:55An exquisite meal with one tiny flaw we can pick at all night.
11:05Quite right.
11:07To impossible standards.
11:14So, Dad, any progress on the case?
11:17Yeah, I'm beat.
11:20Sometimes it's better to just get a good night's sleep and start fresh in the morning.
11:25Good night, fellas.
11:26Good night, Dad.
11:27Don't forget, brush your teeth and say your prayers.
11:31That's what I used to say to you guys when you were kids, didn't I?
11:35No, you didn't.
11:36Oh.
11:40I meant to.
11:41We knew that.
11:45Hello.
11:46Hello, Daphne.
11:48Daphne.
11:48How was your dinner?
11:49It was fine, except for one small flaw.
11:52Oh, just the way you like it.
11:58I see you're a bit intrigued by that yourself.
12:01Yes, well, it's been a while since I've gone over this.
12:05Who are these guys?
12:06Oh, just some of the principal players in our little drama.
12:09That's Detective Shelby, the vice cop who found the body.
12:15Who is this menacing little monobrow?
12:18Oh, that's Robitaille, a logger, an ex-boyfriend of Helen's.
12:23He used to come down from the mountains every couple of months and disappear with her.
12:27If you ask me, he's the murderer.
12:30Impossible.
12:31He's got an airtight alibi.
12:33What is it?
12:33He was killing somebody else at the time.
12:39But you have to admit, this case has it all.
12:43Sex, greed, jealousy, revenge, a monkey, hatred, deception...
12:49Wait, wait, wait, wait.
12:50What?
12:51A monkey?
12:52Well, yeah.
12:53This is a snapshot of the murder victim with a pet monkey, Coco.
12:58It was given to her by another boyfriend, Clive Brisbane.
13:02Well, why wasn't Brisbane a suspect?
13:07Well, he was, but several witnesses saw him at the racetrack at the time of the murder.
13:12Excuse me, is that Clive Brisbane the animal trainer?
13:15That's right.
13:16Brisbane's amazing ex.
13:18They opened in Las Vegas for Inglebert Humperdinck.
13:25Yes, it's easy to forget there was a time when Las Vegas wasn't the tacky place it is now.
13:32You know, I actually caught Brisbane's act on a trip to Las Vegas during college.
13:38Those apes were amazing.
13:41One minute they'd be staging a living tableau of George Washington crossing the Delaware.
13:46The next they'd be shooting suction cup arrows at Brisbane's lovely assistant's derriere.
13:52You know, there is a way that Brisbane could be the killer and still have his horse track alibi hold up.
14:10Daphne, Niles, I present you with the killer.
14:17A monkey was the trigger man?
14:26Just play along with me here.
14:28They're capable of shooting arrows.
14:31Why not a gun?
14:33Well, why would Brisbane have her killed?
14:36Because, because she jilted him for someone else.
14:41Robert's eye, the logger.
14:44Exactly.
14:44My God, we've done it.
14:46No, you've done it, Dr. Crane.
14:48Well, yes, but you were standing very close by.
14:52Wait a minute.
14:54Are we saying here that a murder was committed by a monkey?
15:00It's not so very far-fetched.
15:02It could be Brisbane's diabolical homage to the Edgar Allan Poe story, Murders in the Rue Morgue.
15:11It's all about an orangutan who goes about the rooftops of Paris murdering people.
15:15Wait till we doubt, Dad, his case has finally been solved.
15:19Dad, no, no, Niles, Niles, wait, wait.
15:21It's still just a theory.
15:24Even if we are right, just think how Dad will feel, knowing that we've cracked a case that he couldn't solve in 20 years.
15:31Oh, dear, you're right.
15:34Wait.
15:36It's merely serendipity that I stumbled into this.
15:39Why can't it happen again?
15:41I'll simply rearrange the photos in a way so that Dad will see the connection.
15:47All right, we've got cocoa.
15:49The gun.
15:51And Helen.
15:53What is it?
15:55Oh, no, hey, Brasier, what are you doing over there?
15:58I'm sorry, Dad.
15:59No, no, no.
16:00I got these all set out the way I want them.
16:04This one goes up.
16:09I'll be damned.
16:13Something wrong?
16:17Look at that.
16:20What?
16:22Well, I never thought it would just leap out and bite me like this.
16:27I think I may have solved this pain in the ass case.
16:30You have?
16:31Dad, it's wonderful.
16:32Oh, no, no, don't get too excited.
16:35I mean, this is kind of far-fetched.
16:37I mean, it's a long shot, but it's beginning to make sense to me.
16:42Well, here, lay it out for us.
16:43Yeah, yeah.
16:44Oh, no, no, guys, please.
16:45Just give me a little privacy, will you?
16:47I've just got to do some thinking.
16:49No problem, Dad.
16:50I was just going to bed myself.
16:53Night, all.
16:54Good night, Daphne.
16:57Look at him.
16:58Do you see the sparkle in his eye?
17:01Oh, Fraser, he's like a little kid at Christmas.
17:03Oh, jeez.
17:05What happened to my entry-wound close-ups?
17:20Hello, Daphne.
17:21Hello.
17:22Is Dad home?
17:23No, I haven't seen him since he knocked me up early this morning.
17:27what knock me up walk me up it's an english expression what does it mean here
17:50oh something else you'd definitely be awake for it
17:58he was headed down to the station house to present his theory oh dear god i wish he hadn't done that
18:09you know i've been turning it over my mind all day
18:13the more i think about it the goofier it sounds
18:17i mean a monkey oh just hope they didn't laugh him out of the station be one hell of a way to end a
18:2630-year police career oh now now dr crane it's not the most outlandish theory in the world
18:33you're right could have said it was a trained giraffe
18:39i suppose killed her by spitting a bullet at her thus explaining the downward trajectory
18:48hey guys hello oh dear i don't suppose we've heard anything from the station house yet huh
18:57not yet i was afraid of that i mean i knew my theory was a bit iffy but when i told the guys
19:06they looked at me like i'd lost my mind she said they didn't ridicule you did they dad
19:11oh no they always treat old timers with respect they said i'll check it out just like i used to when
19:20some nutbag had come in there with aluminum foil in his hat claiming the martians were trying to steal
19:26his brain waves
19:27i'm sorry mr cream oh i don't know what i was thinking of i've been walking around all afternoon just
19:38trying to figure out how i came up with such a half-assed theory dad
19:43it wasn't your fault i did it
19:48you killed her
19:52no
19:57i did plant that ridiculous idea in your head remember last night when you came in
20:03so upset that i was rearranging your pictures
20:05well i rearranged him in a specific way so that you would
20:10come to the same conclusion i did
20:13so you had the idea first
20:17i can't tell you how terrible i feel
20:20i don't blame yourself you might have put the aluminum foil in my hat but i walked right into
20:26the station wearing it
20:27i'll get it
20:31hi marty
20:38hey frank uh frazier definitely you remember frank hollins from the precinct
20:44how you doing
20:44marty we gotta talk
20:45oh frank about that theory of mine
20:49look i can't for the life of me figure what you were thinking
20:52i know i know i i i just feel so stupid wasting your time like that
20:57it cost us a whole afternoon
20:59and five detectives time
21:02and all we got to show for it is
21:04we got the bastard
21:09i was right
21:10hey
21:11you don't believe me
21:12ask these derelicts
21:13where you go marty
21:19i'll see you come on
21:20marty you still got it
21:22and it only took you twenty years
21:26oh mr crin i'm so proud of you
21:30oh that's amazing
21:31that's wonderful
21:32so marty how did you do it
21:39well you know for years i i thought it was robitide the logger and then i thought well maybe it was brisbane the animal trainer but i was wrong
21:48how did you finally decide that it was uh detective shelby well you know i kept looking at that picture and it kept bugging me you know why was she trying to write help in the dirt and then it came to me
22:02she was trying to write the killer's name shelby only she must have died before she finished the b and somebody must have kicked dirt over the ass
22:12well you nailed him all right
22:13we pulled him for interrogation he cracked like a nut
22:17no i'm sorry i haven't doubted you but then you yourself were beginning to wonder if a monkey could really commit a murder
22:27well i may have momentarily doubted it but from time to time i have to be reminded to trust my gift
22:33so did you call a girl's mother yet
22:38no we left that for you
22:40after all you were the guy that solved this thing
22:43oh well you know actually uh i can't take all the credit for it right fraser come on get over here
22:50no no come on
22:53don't be shy i'm proud of you
22:55yeah i was a cop for 30 years and it took my son
22:58with his phd mind to crack this baby
23:02of course i was standing next to him at the time
23:05so uh tell us about it fraser
23:10oh no
23:10no no
23:11no no no
23:12no no no
23:13i hate to toot my own horn but
23:18well it'll make dad happy
23:20i suppose it was my expertise in human behavior
23:24combined with a lifelong enthusiasm for the rwandan lowland gorilla
23:28that first set me thinking about the monkey.
23:35I'm not sure I'm following you.
23:38Or perhaps I'm going too fast.
23:39I'll go slower.
23:41The key was
23:42when I figured out that if Brisbane
23:45could teach a monkey to impersonate George Washington,
23:49then surely he could teach a monkey
23:51to cock a revolver,
23:53sneak up a fire escape,
23:55lie and wait for Helen,
23:56pump her full of lead,
23:57and then make his getaway,
23:59perhaps even still wearing
24:00the Revolutionary Royal Regalia
24:02in order to confuse any chance witnesses.
24:07Fact.
24:08Oh, and this is way out there, but darling,
24:12geez, maybe you should check to see
24:14if there were any local bank robberies at the time
24:17that were committed by
24:18a short, hairy man wearing a powdered wig.
24:24You think the monkey was the killer?
24:27When I said I was standing next to him,
24:32I was really most of the way across the room.
24:39Well, wasn't he?
24:41No, it was Shelby.
24:45Who's Shelby?
24:46He was a vice cop.
24:47He was in love with Helen.
24:49Well, that was my second choice.
25:02Can I freshen anyone's drink?
25:05Help me out here, Frazier.
25:07What did you think the monkey's motive was?
25:12Jealousy?
25:13Or maybe he just did it for the insurance money.
25:18Hey, you think we should put a tail on that monkey?
25:23Listen, if that monkey did it,
25:26he'll swing for it.
25:27Yes, it's all very funny.
25:31Oh, come on, Frazier.
25:33You can take a joke, can't you?
25:35Well, I suppose I can, yes.
25:38Oh, wait.
25:39I've got one.
25:40Who do you suppose the monkey will get to defend you?
25:43Clarence Darrow?
25:51The Scopes Monkey Trial.
25:56You know, Darwin's theory of evolution
25:59was turned into a Pulitzer Prize-winning novel
26:02Inherit the Wind.
26:10Is that good, Lord?
26:13Hey, baby, I hear the blues are calling
26:25Tossed salads and scrambled eggs.
26:29Oh, my.
26:31And maybe I seem a bit confused.
26:35Yeah, maybe.
26:36But I got you pegged.
26:38Ha, ha, ha, ha.
26:39But I don't know what to do
26:42With those tossed salads and scrambled eggs.
26:48They're calling again.
26:52Scrambled eggs all over my face.
26:55What is it, boy, to do?
26:59Good night, everybody.
27:01Good night, everybody.
27:01Good night, everybody.
27:01Good night, everybody.
27:01Good night, everybody.
27:01Good night, everybody.
27:01Good night, everybody.
27:02Good night, everybody.
27:02Good night, everybody.
27:02Good night, everybody.
27:02Good night, everybody.
27:03Good night, everybody.
27:03Good night, everybody.
27:03Good night, everybody.
27:03Good night, everybody.
27:04Good night, everybody.
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27:11Good night, everybody.
27:12Good night, everybody.
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27:14Good night, everybody.
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27:16Good night, everybody.
27:17Good night, everybody.