Frasier Season 2 Episode 17 Daphne's Room
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00:00Daphne, Daphne, Daphne, anybody at home?
00:30Daphne, Daphne, Daphne, Daphne.
00:44You shake my nerves and you rattle my brain
01:02Too much love, cause I'm mad and insane
01:06Oh, what a thrill, cause what a thrill
01:10Goodness gracious, great balls of fire
01:14I still think you're making too big a deal out of this
01:25Dad, I have never seen Maris this angry
01:28I swear, her eye was twitching like a frog in a science experiment
01:33Well, when your mother would get mad at me
01:38I'd just grab her, bend her backwards
01:40And give her a kiss that made her glad she was a woman
01:43I can't do that with Maris, she has abnormally rigid vertebrae
01:46She'd snap like a twig
01:48Let me guess, Maris has moved into the East Wing again
01:55Sunday was her 40th birthday
01:57She said in no uncertain terms
01:59She wanted no acknowledgement of it whatsoever
02:02And in a moment I live over and over in my dreams
02:05I believed her
02:06What, no gifts?
02:10No party?
02:11No nothing?
02:12Say that weeping into an ermine lap robe and you've got her down perfectly
02:15Why don't you just get her a nice bottle of perfume?
02:20She gets hives
02:21How about candy?
02:23Hypoglycemic
02:24Then just get her a dozen roses
02:27Allergic
02:28Oh, listen, Niles, why don't you just sit her down and have a little talk with her
02:32Tell her it was a mistake
02:33We all know she's a bit touchy about her age
02:36Even though it's not the first time she's turned 40
02:39I know
02:45I'll throw a great big party for her this weekend
02:48It'll be a costume ball
02:51With a Louis Catorze theme
02:53Right down to the powdered wigs and the crushed velvet pantaloons
02:57May I presume you're both coming down with colds?
03:04And so it goes
03:05Listen, Dad, you didn't happen to find a book of mine lying around, did you?
03:11The station manager loaned it to me
03:12I promised I'd return it today
03:14What's it called?
03:15The life and times of Sir Herbert Beerbomb Tree
03:18It's a stunningly witty history of the English theater
03:22Oh, okay
03:23You caught me
03:24I got it hidden under my pillow
03:26Dad, you could at least try to be a little helpful
03:31I promised him I'd return it today
03:33Well, ask Stephanie when she comes in
03:35She was looking for something to put her to sleep last night
03:38That book sounds like it could put her into a coma
03:41Look at the dog
05:11Dr. Crane!
05:14What are you doing in my room?
05:17Oh, well, I thought you were out.
05:21Well, not that I make a habit of coming in here when you are out.
05:23It's just that I thought, well, I came in to get my book, which I have, you'll see.
05:29Here, well, we'll just be going.
05:35Me and my book.
05:37See, Fraser go.
05:38Oh, Nadia, you tell Mrs. Crane I want to speak to her and don't take no for an answer.
05:51Well, then, Nadia, you tell her that Dr. Crane says...
05:55Please, please, please, please, please, please.
06:04Maris hung up on you, huh?
06:06No, now she's got Nadia doing her dirty work.
06:10Nadia is Maris' hatchet maid.
06:12What happened to that Louis the French guy birthday party?
06:19Disaster there, too.
06:20Maris reminded me that an entire branch of her family tree was slaughtered by the Huguenots.
06:25You know what, let's just forget about Maris for the time being.
06:32Shall we sit down and relax and have a nice meal in a convivial atmosphere?
06:41What is she mad about?
06:43Beats me.
06:45Here's your favorite, Mr. Crane.
06:47Creamed onions.
06:48And, Dr. Crane, I made me special glazed carrots just for you.
06:53You?
06:54Carve.
07:00Well, we don't know what she's mad at, but we sure as hell know who.
07:05If anyone needs me, I'll be eating in me room.
07:09You know where that is.
07:14What did you do?
07:16This morning, I went into her bedroom.
07:18Frasier, how could you?
07:24No matter how irresistible the urge to venture down that hallway, to piss your face against that door, to actually feel the grain of the wood against your cheek.
07:40It must be fun.
07:42It must be fun.
07:43Oh, no.
07:44No.
07:47I simply went in there to retrieve my book.
07:50You're not supposed to go in there.
07:52What's the big deal?
07:53Did you ever see her leave a door open?
07:55She doesn't like people going in there.
07:57She goes into my room all the time.
07:59It doesn't bother me.
07:59Women are different.
08:01It's happy sexism talking.
08:02No, that's 35 years of marriage talking.
08:05Women protect the privacy.
08:08You know how they are about their handbags.
08:10You never go in there.
08:11It's always, bring me my purse.
08:13A husband could say, honey, I'm being robbed.
08:16A guy's holding a gun to my head, and I don't have any money.
08:18The wife would say, bring me my purse.
08:27Dad, as usual, your simple homespun wisdom has pricked the balloon of Frasier's pomposity.
08:35Now, you were wrong.
08:37So go on in there and apologize.
08:39Go on.
08:40Oh, all right.
08:42We'll go into Daphne's room, and I will apologize to her.
08:48Alone, Niles!
09:00Yes?
09:01Daphne, it's Dr. Crave.
09:04Yes.
09:07Would you open the door, please?
09:18I, um, I behaved very insensitively this morning, and, um, I didn't need the book, but it was wrong of me to go in without your permission.
09:34And I'm sorry.
09:39It'll never happen again.
09:52Ever.
09:55I'm being very nice.
10:02Well, good night, Daphne.
10:04Oh, wait.
10:09I'm being much too hard on you.
10:13I'm just a little sensitive about me privacy.
10:16Oh, look, there's no need to explain.
10:18I promise you, it will never be an issue again.
10:20Well, thank you for being so understanding.
10:24I suppose my problem goes back to growing up in a household of boys.
10:29The brothers were all snoops.
10:31They never gave me a moment's peace.
10:34Oh, it was a filthy little rite of passage for the moonboys.
10:38When they reached a certain age, they'd sneak into the bathroom and peek at me in the shower.
10:43Oh, dear God.
10:44All eight of them.
10:46Well, except for me brother Billy, the ballroom dancer.
10:54He never peeked at me.
10:57Though, he did peek at me brother Nigel.
11:11Coffee, Dad?
11:12Why not?
11:14I'm up six times a night anyway.
11:15I might as well be alert.
11:25Oh, jeez.
11:26The disposal's jammed.
11:29Yeah, stick your hand down there and see what's stuck, will you?
11:35Dad, it's me, Niles.
11:38I can't get my hand in there.
11:40Oh, all right.
11:41Punish a man for being fine-booned.
11:44You sure it's off?
11:46Positive.
11:48Move away from the switch.
11:51Jeez.
11:53Oh, ho.
11:54It's wet and slimy and God knows what it's like sticking my hand into the mouth of hell.
12:00Give me a call when the coffee's ready.
12:15Sorry, Niles.
12:18It's enough excitement for one evening.
12:20I'm going home to Maris.
12:22I thought she wasn't speaking to you.
12:25She's not, but she grows weary of being frosty to the help.
12:30Oh, by the way, I'm out of cash.
12:32I need something to tip your garage attendant.
12:34Oh, great.
12:37What?
12:38These pills.
12:39Well, I'm thinking money, but you know him better than I do.
12:48No, no.
12:51Daphne's prescription.
12:52I was in her room earlier.
12:53I must have inadvertently...
12:55knocked them into my pocket.
12:58It's an interesting phenomenon.
13:04I can't walk through a drugstore without aspirin and decongestant leaping into my trousers.
13:11Okay, okay.
13:13I am snooping around a little bit.
13:17Oh, dear God.
13:19Take one before bedtime.
13:20Oh, no.
13:21She's sure to miss these tonight.
13:25Oh, you had enough, Dr. Crane?
13:27Yes, yes, I am.
13:28Say hello to your wife.
13:29I'll certainly try.
13:33Mr. Crane!
13:34Don't for your exercises!
13:37Oh, great.
13:37This is my chance.
13:38I'll just sneak back there and put this back into her room.
13:41Alone, Niles!
13:48The sun is game time.
13:50I'll do my exercises tomorrow.
13:52Fine.
13:53If you need me, I'll be in my room.
13:58I'll be doing a double set tomorrow.
14:04Yeah, yeah, yeah.
14:11Grumpy old sod.
14:13Don't mind.
14:13Don't mind!
14:14I'll do myation.
14:16Can you see me?
14:25Okay.
14:25Don't mind.
14:26My family does not work.
14:31It's good.
14:34The sun is Roman.
14:34You can see me sing...
14:36I'm supposed to be ok.
14:37Oh, you want me?
14:37I'll be in my room.
14:38So...
14:39You still hear me, or me?
16:40Help me thing.
16:41Get out of here right now.
16:43Get out of here.
16:43Damn me.
16:44I'm so sorry.
16:45Good morning, Frasier.
16:58I'm so sorry.
17:03I'm so sorry.
17:04I'm so sorry.
17:05I'm so sorry.
17:06I'm so sorry.
17:08Do wear bran muffins.
17:14Maris and I burned up a lot of energy last night.
17:18A lot of energy.
17:19I have to replenish my body.
17:23I assume you and Maris achieved detente?
17:29Twice.
17:30What magic words did you use to melt your little glacier?
17:38When I got home, I sat her down, I stared deeply into her eyes, and I said, Maris, here are the keys to your new Mercedes.
17:46You bought her a Mercedes?
17:51Yes.
17:52Yes.
17:53All the things that a tiny woman can do when she's properly motivated.
17:56If you're through marinating in your own testosterone, I have a problem.
18:03Remember last night I went back into Daphne's room?
18:06Well, she caught me again.
18:08Oh, you're joking.
18:10God, I was just so embarrassed that I had to leave this morning before she woke up.
18:14I left a little note trying to explain my actions.
18:17Considering the circumstances, I don't really think there's any way she can forgive me.
18:22Oh, come now.
18:23It wasn't as bad as all that.
18:25It's not like you saw her naked or something.
18:39You did.
18:40I took no pleasure in it at all.
18:45The entire thing was just absolutely mortifying.
18:49Frasier, I want to help you with this, so you have to tell me everything, every sight, every sound.
18:53Frasier, unburden yourself before you explode.
18:55No.
18:56No.
18:57All right, then.
18:59I'll show you how I've always imagined her, and you tell me where I'm wrong.
19:07Hey, guys.
19:08Don't, Roz.
19:09Good to see you.
19:14So, Niles, you randy dog.
19:17You got lucky last night, didn't you?
19:23I can always tell.
19:25Oh, don't worry.
19:26You'll meet somebody.
19:27Have a non-fat cat, please.
19:28Look, Roz, this was a private conversation.
19:29I'm helping my brother with a matter of some delicacy.
19:30Don't worry.
19:31Shower boy told me all about it.
19:32I just don't see it.
19:33Is there any way I can make this up to Daphne?
19:34Well, nothing says I'm sorry like an in-dash CD player in a passenger side airbag.
19:36Yes, Maris was upset with Niles, so he bought her a Mercedes.
19:37What?
19:38Yes, if you're suggesting that I buy my way out of my problem, the answer is no.
19:39It's the coward's way out.
19:40Oh.
19:41So, I'm a coward?
19:42Yes.
19:43Well, I'm a coward with a hickey.
19:44I don't know what a coward is.
19:45I feel.
19:46What?
19:47No.
19:48I don't know what you're saying.
19:49Yeah, I feel HI.
19:50It's the coward boy told me all about it.
19:52I just don't see it.
19:53Is there any way I can make this up to Daphne?
19:55Well, nothing says I'm sorry like an in-dash CD player in a passenger side airbag.
19:58Yes, Maris was upset with Niles so he bought her a Mercedes.
20:00What?
20:01Yes, if you're suggesting that I buy my way out of my problem, the answer is no.
20:05It's the coward's way out.
20:06Oh, so I'm a coward?
20:07Yes.
20:08Well, I'm a coward with a hickey.
20:10buy me a mercedes and i'll make your neck look like a relief map of the andy
20:22boss don't encourage him i happen to think that bribery is the wrong way for couples to resolve
20:28their conflicts oh really and during which of your failed marriages did you own that
20:33oh dr crane i'm glad to see you i need some advice i got this son who's a total numbnut
20:53hello dad love your icebreaker you'd better get her to stay frazier she knows
21:03my mood she knows how to handle me and i like her she's talking about quitting yes i get in
21:08there and apologize oh dad dad i can't go in there no of course you can't because i asked
21:16you to go in there when i said don't go in there what did you do you went in there now
21:21i said go in there so you won't that's what i like about eddie he always does what i tell
21:26i want to come on eddie he's defying you too dad
21:36oh daphne daphne please please wait uh we've got to talk i i i feel absolutely terrible
21:48oh now dr crane you've not explained everything you've got nothing to feel bad about oh well
21:57it blows my mind at ease a servant like me doesn't deserve privacy anyway matter of fact
22:04why don't we just get it all out in the open oh no oh here's my bank book some personal letters oh
22:14and the driver's license as you can see i'm four pounds heavier now but it's in a spot that doesn't
22:21really show to most people oh oh daphne i i realize how hard it is to live in someone else's home
22:30yes it is but i put up with it because i happen to love this job all i ever asked for
22:40was one room a little corner i could call me home i never minded that i was up to me eyeballs in
22:48your your precious earth tones and your african knickknacks but now i have to put up with you in
22:55there too and that's one leering love god too many oh daphne
22:59you're absolutely right you do deserve a place of your own listen if you agree to stay i'll i'll pay to
23:09have your room redecorate it just make it your own uh paint wallpaper upholstery anything you'd like
23:16just to so that you'll feel comfortable how about an electrified fence and a german police john
23:22daphne i promise as long as we live under the same roof together i will never ever set foot in your room
23:34again all right oh thank you i'll give it another try
23:42hello all hello dr crane goodbye dr crane oh where are you off to oh i have some shopping to do
23:52your brother just offered to pay to have my room redecorated oh really
23:57i'm thinking of doing the whole thing in pinks and yellows
24:05oh dear god she's really determined to keep me out of there
24:11so you're putting things right with daphne by opening up your checkbook
24:19oh i know what you're thinking believe me it's just a gesture oh i see when i give meros a car
24:28it's a bribe when you redecorate daphne's room it's a gesture miles our two situations are entirely
24:34different you bought meros off because you are afraid of her oh i see and you're not the slightest
24:41bit intimidated by daphne no then you won't be at all alarmed if i were to say do this good
24:47niles niles where are you going
24:50oh look my foot's in daphne's room just get out of there what's the matter you're afraid you'll get in
24:59trouble niles now we're safe oh stop it trouble safe
25:06niles you're acting like a child just get out of there
25:11niles you're acting like a child just get out of there
25:11niles you're acting like a child just get out of there
25:13oh god now you see what you've done now she's bound to find out
25:17oh god oh well so you'll just write her a bigger fatter check
25:22no niles she'll quit
25:25what why didn't you say
25:26oh you spoiled
25:27just pick it up
25:29oh man
25:31oh man
25:32oh man
25:32what the hell is you doing anyway
25:33oh man it's all night
25:34Oh, what's this?
25:37Just help him.
25:38Oh, please.
25:40Oh, you're sick.
25:42Oh, my God.
25:44Oh, my God.
25:58Yeah, yeah, yeah.
26:04Daphne, did you happen to see
26:13that sporty little subcompact over there?
26:16I bet you could park that anywhere.
26:21It's not a Mercedes dealership
26:23across the street.
26:34Hey, baby, I hear the blues are calling
26:39tossed salads and scrambled eggs.
26:43Quite stylish.
26:45And maybe I seem a bit confused.
26:48Well, maybe.
26:49But I got you pegged.
26:51Ha, ha, ha, ha.
26:53But I don't know what to do
26:55with those tossed salads and scrambled eggs.
27:00They're calling again.
27:02Good night, everybody.