Robot Chicken Season 1 Episode 4 Plastic Buffet
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TVTranscript
00:00It's alive!
00:30Oh, yeah.
00:41I'm wealthy and successful.
00:43Fantastic.
00:47You ready for this?
00:50You're going down, devil.
00:52Seacrest, out.
01:00You got to love being a stay-at-home dad, but some days are tougher than others.
01:16Don't worry, dad.
01:17Señor Clean is on the job.
01:19Señor Clean, Señor Clean.
01:22Need a little help?
01:24Thanks, Señor Clean.
01:31Oh, no.
01:32I'm not finished yet.
01:35What?
01:36Go see a movie, kids.
01:39Yay!
01:41My wife will be home soon.
01:43Not with her brake lines, because she won't.
01:47Señor Clean gets it done.
01:50Sometimes with my penis.
01:54Seacrest, out!
02:00Ah!
02:01Ah!
02:02Hmm.
02:13Well, it is scientifically possible to fly a crew of men to the asteroid and destroy it,
02:21saving our planet.
02:22However, it will cost $80,000 trillion.
02:28Sir, is that a made-up number?
02:31Yes.
02:35The fine citizens of this country are reluctant to support another tax increase.
02:42Therefore, Congress is asking America to vote on who goes into space.
02:49Don't we have highly trained astronauts?
02:52Oh, that's something of a myth.
02:55And how can people vote?
02:57They can call our special 800 number.
03:00You can vote as many times as you like.
03:02But each call costs you $30,000.
03:05Kids, get your parents' permission.
03:08As your leader, I would be honored if America selected me to lead a dangerous suicide mission
03:13into outer space.
03:14But this letter from my daddy says I don't got to go.
03:19Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah.
03:21Zoom, zoom, zoom.
03:25Zoom, zoom, zoom.
03:26The results are in.
03:29And the man Americans have selected to lead the meteor mission as Harrison Ford.
03:34Ford is starred in more top-grossing motion pictures than any other actor alive.
03:39And now the fate of the world is in his capable hands.
03:43Listen, I'm 62 years old, and I'm just an actor. You people are all insane.
03:50Go get him, High Solo!
03:52Well, I'd like to meet the team of engineers who will accompany me on this mission.
03:57Actually, the remaining five spots on the flight will be filled by Aerosmith.
04:02We need a cool theme song for this mission.
04:05I'm ready to rock!
04:09My God, did you just get off the centrifuge, trainer?
04:14No, I just shot smack into both my eyeballs!
04:19That's terrible!
04:21Oh, Steven Tyler's been clean for years!
04:25I have to write an angry letter.
04:27Dear ass feces.
04:30Ladies and gentlemen, I've gathered you here today to volunteer my services to go blow up that meteor.
04:37I mean, come on!
04:39I blew up the friggin' Death Star with my eyes closed.
04:41Huh.
04:42No problem.
04:43That was just a movie, dude.
04:46Four.
04:47Three.
04:48Two.
04:49Zero.
04:50Lift off.
04:51Lift off.
04:52Yeah!
04:53All right, this is it, people.
05:06We've gotta make a perfect three-point landing on the surface of a chunk of rock traveling 14,000 kilometers an hour.
05:12Then use our positioning software to determine the exact locations in which to detonate our charges, fracturing the meter into small enough pieces that it'll burn up harmlessly in the Earth's atmosphere.
05:25Then we gotta turn this puppy around and get home in one piece.
05:29Can we do this?
05:30Yeah!
05:31Are you with me?
05:32Yeah!
05:33USA!
05:34USA!
05:35USA!
05:36USA!
05:37USA!
05:38USA!
05:39USA!
05:40USA!
05:41USA!
05:42USA!
05:43USA!
05:44USA!
05:45USA!
05:46F***!
05:47F***!
05:48F***!
05:49Now that sucks donkey donk.
05:51Donkey donk.
06:21Gotta lay low for a while.
06:25This looks like a good spot.
06:28Once I get my body back and reverse the gypsy cursor,
06:32whatever the hell my origin is,
06:34I won't be hanging out in any lettuce patches.
06:41Who's there? Come and get some!
06:51What are you? Zombies?
06:55We have no soul.
06:57We feel no pain with your soul.
07:00We can finally free ourselves from this wretched lettuce patch.
07:05Soul! Soul! Soul! Soul! Soul!
07:12With their new souls, nothing could stop the lettuce head, kids.
07:35That's where I come in.
07:37I'm Buffy. I fight evil. It's what I do.
07:41And that's how Season 8 would have started.
07:44Jesus, no wonder you quit.
07:48Give me the boobies!
07:54Seacrest, out!
07:56And welcome to the fourth annual Winter Pet Games Downhill Skiing Competition.
08:02Let's hear from some of those pet owners.
08:04Muffin was born to ski.
08:07This is Flopsy's decision, not mine.
08:10I couldn't keep him off the slalom, even if I wanted to.
08:13And I don't.
08:15Mr. Muggs didn't choose skiing.
08:17Skiing chose Mr. Muggs.
08:20Always nice to hear from those pedophiles.
08:23They really hate it when you call them that.
08:26And they're up!
08:27You really gotta question the wisdom of sending all the racers down the hill at once.
08:32You sure do. If you're a communist, maybe.
08:36Part of being color blind is not being able to see those red warning flags.
08:42Oh, there goes Flopsy, who won the Canadian Nationals earlier this year.
08:51Oh, Canada!
08:53Oh!
08:54Oh!
08:55An outlier defeat!
08:56It's Mr. Muggs!
08:57Mr. Muggs is leading the pack!
08:58Mr. Muggs wins it!
08:59Mr. Muggs wins it!
09:00What a great day for animal sports!
09:04nell boтрom beat
09:08It's Mr. Muggs!
09:10Mr. Muggs is leading the pack!
09:18Mr. Muggs wins it!
09:20What a great day for animal sports!
09:28Ooh!
09:32No, um!
09:34we now return to behind the music presents electric mayhem times were good for dr teeth
09:43and his electric mayhem the band landed a steady gig with the muppet theater and the pay was
09:50reliable but the good times were not to last after a five-year run electric mayhem got the pink slip
09:59that would change their lives forever the muppet show was a good gig while it lasted got a lot of
10:06tail with that kind of exposure i even got to sleep with josie of the pussycats back when that
10:13meant something but kermit just couldn't keep up the rent on the theater and well the mob shut us
10:20down with their steady paychecks suddenly gone the band did what they could kids parties bar
10:28mitzvahs and even offering children piano lessons oh holy you make me want to pee myself
10:35that was terrible the band's woes weren't limited to financial trouble come on tommy lee is rich
10:43good looking couldn't have been that bad like he gave me hepatitis c i only have five years to live
10:52you're gonna show me those boobs you howard i'm dying the band pinned their comeback
10:58hopes on their star search special but no one could foresee the consequences for the band's most
11:05beloved member oh did you see that the drummer looks like an epileptic rag doll
11:14after a long history of behavior problems the on-air attack of ed mcmahon was the last straw
11:27the courts ruled that the band's drummer animal be put down
11:32a reunion now nah not happening brother check it my man animals dead and zoot i haven't seen
11:54zootin years not since he was picked up in tokyo with 37 pounds of hash in his bag today electric
12:02mayhem is no more for these aged rockers there are no regrets hey that's life man it took me this
12:12long to realize that fame isn't what's important it's good friends and good health
12:18Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
12:48Stupid monkey.