Tongue Thai'd with Pangina Heals S02E05 (2023)
Transcript
00:00Today, we're at Krispy Pork Gang in the center of Hollywood.
00:07This place is a staple of L.A.'s Thai town, serving authentic Thai food around the clock.
00:16Today's guest is an actor, writer, and a hot stand-up comedian.
00:20Can you imagine that?
00:22You can see him on the newest season of Black Mirror.
00:25It's Jared Goldstein.
00:26Hi.
00:27Hi.
00:28Welcome.
00:29What you said.
00:30Sure.
00:31I want to know, are you good with spicy food?
00:33I'm not.
00:34I just do have, like, a baby palate.
00:36This is how it works.
00:38You'll be eating and playing games for a maximum of 10 points.
00:43Each dish is worth one point, and you must take three bites to get those points.
00:50Okay.
00:51You can also win points by playing my little games.
00:54If you feel like things are getting too spicy for you, here's our tray of cowardly relief.
01:03You're welcome to it, but any time you use it, you will be penalized.
01:08Are you ready to get tongue-tied?
01:09I'm ready.
01:10Yay!
01:11Here we have a very famous appetizer called Hot Man Pla.
01:19This is fish cakes.
01:21It is a food that is typically eaten as an appetizer that comes all the way from central
01:27Thailand.
01:28It has fish and Prik Kaeng Daeng, which is red chili paste.
01:35Ajat is the sauce, the name of the sauce.
01:38Oh, lovely.
01:39Yeah?
01:40Look at that.
01:41Huh?
01:42That's great.
01:45Is this the spiciest of what we're going to eat?
01:48Yes.
01:50I feel like stand-up comedians are kind of like my heroes because you have to handle
01:56so much.
01:57Do you have any nightmare gigs?
02:00Performing on a show that isn't a stand-up show can be tough.
02:03Sometimes you'll be on a variety show where the performances are really high energy, maybe
02:07there's music, and then they truly turn it off so you can just start talking, but I'm
02:12so good at stand-up, it almost always goes well.
02:14That part.
02:15We're going to start things off with a simple game of Mai or Chai.
02:19Okay.
02:20In Thai language, Mai means no, Chai means yes.
02:25I'm going to ask you a yes or no question, and you'll practice your Thai by answering
02:30either Chai, yes, or Mai, no.
02:33Are you ready?
02:35Chai.
02:36Yes.
02:37First off, are you excited to be here?
02:38Chai.
02:39Are you a fan of RuPaul's Drag Race?
02:40Chai.
02:41Have you ever considered dressing up in drag?
02:43Chai.
02:44Is your favorite drag queen named Hedgina Hills?
02:46Chai.
02:47Good.
02:48Have you ever heard that you have a beautiful head of hair?
02:51No.
02:57Damn.
02:58Do you think you'll last more than one week in a zombie apocalypse?
03:01No.
03:02No.
03:03No.
03:04Honestly, like, oh, sorry.
03:05Mai.
03:06Why?
03:07Because I'm ready to go.
03:08Is your name really Jared Goldstein?
03:10Mai.
03:11No, Chai.
03:12Yeah.
03:13Have you ever hooked up with a fan?
03:15Chai.
03:16Babe.
03:17Are you ready for the next course?
03:19Chai.
03:20Yes.
03:21Nice job on that dish.
03:22I'm adding one point to your total.
03:27This next dish is called Khao Khook Krabi.
03:33Krabi means shrimp paste, and once you are done mixing all these flavors together,
03:38you season it with a little bit of lime and chef's kiss.
03:42You can customize this dish to however you like.
03:47Don't forget to get a little bit of chili.
03:49It's really good.
03:50This is so good.
03:51This.
03:52And the egg.
03:53Don't go on a date after this dish.
03:54Um, I just ate a pepper that I'm pretty sure is going to fucking kill me.
03:58The chili?
03:59Yeah.
04:00I'm proud of you for doing it.
04:01I put the whole thing in my mouth and.
04:03Wouldn't be the first time.
04:04Things are happening.
04:08How are you?
04:10I want to go home.
04:11You're turning pink.
04:12That's a wrap.
04:13I know you're from Instagram that you are an Ariana Grande fan.
04:17But I also know from your comedy routine that you don't know shit about cars.
04:21Yes.
04:22We're going to test your knowledge about both in a game we call Ariana Grande.
04:27Let's go.
04:28Are you ready to earn points?
04:30Yeah.
04:31Ariana's debut album was called what?
04:36That's the one I skipped.
04:39Yours truly.
04:40Yours truly.
04:41I never would have gotten that.
04:43How many axles are on a standard of a four wheel car?
04:46Four?
04:47There's only two.
04:48And you're wrong.
04:50Who did Ariana Grande collab with?
04:52Oh, it's this fucking question.
04:54Brain on me.
04:55Who sing?
04:56Stephanie Germanotta.
04:57Final answer.
04:58Take that.
04:59Name two of the big three American auto makers.
05:02Okay.
05:03I'll say Ford.
05:05Oh, Chrysler.
05:06Yay!
05:07True or false.
05:08Ariana Grande has four octave vocal range and can speak to dolphins.
05:12True.
05:13Correct.
05:14What does RPM stand for?
05:16Is it like rates per minute?
05:18Almost.
05:19Rotations per minute.
05:20Rotations per minute.
05:22What state is Ariana from?
05:24Florida.
05:25Yes!
05:26Elon Musk is the CEO of what car company?
05:31Tesla.
05:32Very good.
05:33Were Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson officially engaged?
05:38Yeah.
05:39The Mazda 2 is manufactured in West Country.
05:42Oh, shit.
05:43I mean, is it Japan?
05:44Yes!
05:45Yeah!
05:46So proud of you.
05:47Very cool.
05:48Oh, so good.
05:49Jared, thank you so much for playing Ariana Grande.
05:51You did a pretty good job.
05:53Cheers.
05:54Cheers.
05:56Now it's time for me to introduce you to the fish maw soup.
06:02This dish is known as kapok pa or fish maw soup.
06:06It's basically a Chinese dish that is very hearty and warm.
06:10This soup also has a great addition of protein because they add quail eggs.
06:16This looks so good.
06:17I love soup so much.
06:22That's delicious.
06:23Since you and I have only just met, humor me and tell me some of your favorite things.
06:27Favorite way to deal with hecklers.
06:29Is to not and hope that it stops.
06:32Favorite late night meal after a show.
06:36Honestly, soup.
06:37Favorite Beyonce song.
06:39It's 1 plus 1.
06:40Favorite hair care product.
06:42My real answer is shampoo.
06:46Okay.
06:47But here's why, though.
06:48Okay.
06:49There's no game without shampoo.
06:51Favorite swear word.
06:53Um, I mean, is it fuck?
06:55It's probably fuck.
06:57You know, interestingly enough, fuck means melon in Thai.
07:00Really?
07:01Yes, so you can just say fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, and it's fine.
07:03Because it's just melon.
07:05Favorite body part on a man.
07:07My phone has shown me so many butts.
07:09I used to not care about butts, and now I'm like, now I get it.
07:12Okay.
07:13And it's, I like it.
07:14Well, thank you, Jared.
07:15Talking to you is quickly becoming one of my favorite things.
07:18One point to your total.
07:23Now we're going to have tom luat moo.
07:29This dish is known as tom luat moo or the pork blood soup.
07:33Pork blood is its primary ingredient,
07:35which is why the soup is brown.
07:37And it includes barley and herbs.
07:39Marjoram.
07:40And other foods' seasonings.
07:46I'm so scared that it's hot.
07:48Is it?
07:49I'm going to find out.
07:51This is spicy.
07:52Right.
07:53This is, it's growing, and it's burning.
07:55Okay.
07:56And I'm just going to take a, do you want to see that?
07:58Okay, I'm excited for you to eat that.
08:00I'll do it with you, but it's not my face.
08:02Okay.
08:03Cheers.
08:04I'm sure it's great.
08:13I mean, it's fine.
08:15Really?
08:20It's irony.
08:21Maybe a little bit.
08:22You're in Black Mirror.
08:23Yes.
08:24Which is super dystopian.
08:26One of the themes in that is the danger of artificial intelligence.
08:31We thought it'd be fun to read you some jokes.
08:34And you have to guess whether they're written by an AI or a real human person.
08:40Our cameraman, Diego.
08:43Ready to earn some points?
08:45I've given it some thought.
08:47And I am.
08:48I'm afraid of the calendar.
08:51Its days are numbered.
08:53That's a person.
08:56Good.
08:57I like my relationships like I like my source code.
09:01Open.
09:02I'm going to say it's a person.
09:03It's an AI.
09:04It's an AI?
09:05It's an AI.
09:06Whoa.
09:07How do you make a tissue dance?
09:09You put a little boogie in it.
09:11That's a person.
09:12Okay.
09:13Why did the chicken cross the road to screw in a light bulb?
09:19AI?
09:20Correct.
09:21Okay.
09:22You're so good at this.
09:23All right.
09:24I asked my dog, what's two minus two?
09:26He said nothing.
09:29Okay, I'm laughing.
09:31I hope that's a person, not a computer.
09:33Person?
09:34Uh-huh.
09:35Where do ghosts search online?
09:37The dark web.
09:39Is that a person?
09:41It's an AI.
09:42Two fish are in a tank.
09:45Says one to the other, you man the guns, I'll drive.
09:51Oh.
09:52Okay.
09:53Person?
09:54No.
09:55I was going to say AI.
09:56I was going to say AI.
09:57Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to check her balance.
10:00So I pushed her over.
10:02I'll say it's a person.
10:03Correct.
10:04I don't trust trees.
10:05They seem shady.
10:08Person?
10:09Human.
10:10Yes.
10:11Yeah, okay.
10:12I'm glad.
10:13I'm glad.
10:14I'm not ready for LGBT AI.
10:15And now there's a joke.
10:17Are you getting that?
10:21Okay.
10:22Jared, you did pretty well detecting jokes written by AI.
10:26Guess chat GPT should go and hit some open mics.
10:29It needs some work.
10:37Our fifth dish, pumpkin curry.
10:42This is pumpkin curry.
10:44Are you ready for a taste explosion?
10:46With coconut milk as a base, basil, some sugar, some kaffir leaves, and obviously pumpkin.
10:59Oh, that's hot.
11:01It's nice.
11:02It's very nice.
11:03But hot.
11:04But spicy.
11:05But that's lovely.
11:06It's creamy, thick, hearty.
11:09Oh wow, I'm feeling it too.
11:12It's hot.
11:15It's like I'm echoing behind my eyes.
11:19Okay, this is no joke.
11:22Ow, my mouth hurts.
11:23Why did you do this?
11:25Do you need anything from the tray of relief?
11:29No, I'm not a baby.
11:31Oh, okay.
11:33You need to take a three bite if you want to get a point.
11:37Are you saying you want to watch me take a bite?
11:39I want to see you put that in your mouth.
11:41You're a fucking freak.
11:43You're a sick pervert.
11:45Do it.
11:46And you're an animal.
11:49Pumpkin.
11:50Pumpkin.
11:51Pumpkin.
11:52Ow.
11:54Ow.
11:55Now it's time for pick or swallow.
11:59You'll have to pick a card and do whatever it says on that card.
12:04Or swallow a bite of today's food item, which is...
12:09Durian!
12:10It's an acquired taste.
12:12It's not allowed in hotels because it's so strong.
12:15No!
12:16You can earn three points by doing either.
12:18Go ahead, Jared Goldstein.
12:20Do what you pick or swallow.
12:23Okay.
12:25What did it say?
12:26Oh, burp the ABCs.
12:28I'm going to try.
12:29I'm going to try.
12:30Okay.
12:32Okay, one down.
12:3325 to go.
12:34Was that an A?
12:39It's a deep burp, I feel.
12:41E, that was an E.
12:45That's G.
12:58X.
13:05X.
13:11I did it!
13:12Yes!
13:13I burped the whole thing.
13:14Oh my God!
13:15I burped the whole thing.
13:16I was crying.
13:17Your final score is...
13:189.4!
13:24And here's what you've won.
13:27A collection of House of Love cocktails and mocktails,
13:30courtesy of House of Love!
13:33Until next time, I am Pandrena Heels,
13:36and this was Tongue Time.