Soap Season 2 Episode 14
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00:00In the last episode of Soap, Elaine was shot, came home, and died.
00:06Eunice and Dutch on a farm must hide.
00:08Bert told Mary he had an affair, but only because she had one too.
00:12But Mary hadn't and told him so, and now Bert doesn't know what to do.
00:16Bert and Mary talk, and then Jessica thinks she loves two men.
00:20Confused?
00:21You don't know what it's all about?
00:22Stay tuned tonight, and you'll find out.
00:27This is the story of two sisters, Jessica Tate and Mary Campbell.
00:34These are the Tates.
00:37And these are the Campbells.
00:40And this is Soap.
00:48Bert, hi.
00:57Oh, gosh, it's so good to see you.
01:12Oh, this is so nice.
01:17I haven't seen you at all since the kidnapping.
01:20Is Danny okay?
01:21Oh, yeah, no, Danny's gonna be just fine.
01:23Listen...
01:24Poor Danny.
01:25I didn't know whether to go to the funeral or not.
01:26I was so upset.
01:27I wanted to pay my respects, but I was afraid it might upset you.
01:30And you were upset enough already, so as upset as I already was, I didn't go.
01:34Yeah, Sal...
01:35But I did send fruit.
01:36Yeah, um, Sal...
01:37Did you get the basket of fruit?
01:39Yes, it was really very nice.
01:40Oh, gosh.
01:41We had some in our cereal.
01:42Oh.
01:44Sally, uh, Mary knows about it.
01:47You mean you didn't want her to know about the fruit?
01:50No, no, about us.
01:51I told her about us.
01:52Oh, wonderful.
01:53Have you moved out?
01:54What?
01:55Oh, look, we can just stay at my place till we find something bigger.
01:57You know what I would love?
01:58I would love a duplex.
02:00I know, I know, I know.
02:01You wind up paying $300 a month more for stairs, but it's a fantasy that I had...
02:04Sal, please, not now.
02:05She understood.
02:06Oh, good.
02:07Sometimes wives can be such a problem.
02:09No, no, it was...
02:10It was all right.
02:11What was all right?
02:12What happened.
02:13Well, I mean, it wasn't really all right.
02:14I mean, she wasn't thrilled that I sent the night out, but she understood.
02:18So?
02:19So, it's, um, you and me.
02:24Finito.
02:28Finito.
02:29That's Italian for finished.
02:30I'm...
02:31Listen, I'm sorry, Sally.
02:32I feel terrible.
02:33You feel terrible.
02:34Yeah, well, since I feel terrible, you feel terrible,
02:36I think it would be terrible for us to see each other every day
02:39and just keep on feeling terrible,
02:40so what I think is you shouldn't work for me anymore,
02:42and I can give you, like, three months' pay.
02:45Three months' pay?
02:46Well, four.
02:47What's four months' pay?
02:48You think you can buy me with four months' pay?
02:51Listen, I'm not trying to buy you, Sally.
02:54It's just that it's going to take you time to find a new job,
02:56and until then, you're going to need something to live on.
02:58Forget it.
02:59It won't do me any good where I'm going.
03:01Oh, yeah, sure.
03:02I mean, if you go someplace like Japan,
03:03it'll buy you tops, cup of coffee, bowl of rice.
03:06It's terrible what's happened to the American dollar, isn't it?
03:08All I need is enough to buy a gun and bullets.
03:12Gun and bullets? No, Sally, murder is no answer.
03:15Don't worry, Bert. It's for me.
03:18So I can go home and blow my brains out.
03:20Oh.
03:23No, Sally, no, not suicide.
03:25You're not going to try to commit suicide.
03:26I will.
03:27If you don't leave Mary, I'm going to kill myself.
03:30You should rehearse him for a play.
03:34Sally, come on. You can't be serious.
03:36I am. I swear it.
03:37I'm not somebody you'd commit suicide over.
03:39I'm not somebody you'd even loosely sleep over.
03:41I don't even need a gun.
03:42I'll hang myself. I have a beam ceiling.
03:45Sally, listen.
03:46I hope you're not serious because I love Mary.
03:48And I'm not going to leave her, but I don't want anything to happen to you.
03:52I'm going to get you, Bert.
03:56Someday, someway, I'm going to get you.
04:04Oh, an actress.
04:11Whoo!
04:21Oh, it's them. They're here.
04:22Oh, my God. The place looks terrible.
04:24Your mother's going to hate me, Eunice.
04:25Oh, Dutch, relax.
04:26You've swept the floor nine times.
04:28Oh, they're pulling into the yard.
04:29Hi, Mom.
04:30She'll see dirt.
04:31She'll put you in the car and take you home.
04:32Dutch, the place is beautiful.
04:34She's going to love it.
04:35Look at this. A fly.
04:36A fly probably died from the dirt.
04:38Oh, my baby.
04:43Hey, Tate.
04:44I know you don't think this is very much.
04:46Oh, Dutch, I think it's charming.
04:48Mr. Tate and I once had a cabin in the woods, too.
04:51Oh, it was wonderful.
04:53Every morning, the rooster would crow and the sun would shine in our sleepy eyes.
04:57All the little animals would come and bang on the door for bits of food.
05:00Oh, yes.
05:01The breeze blew through the trees.
05:03The bees buzzed.
05:04The crickets chirped.
05:05Clear air.
05:06Cold mountain water.
05:08We hated it.
05:11It was charming.
05:12See, Dutch, I told you she'd love it.
05:14What is this?
05:15Soup.
05:16Who made it?
05:17I did.
05:18Get out of here.
05:20Really, I did.
05:21You mean you actually cook?
05:23Of course.
05:24What's the big surprise?
05:25Because the last time you made dinner, I missed a day of school.
05:27Dad spent the night in the bathroom.
05:28Vincent had dizzy spells, and the dog died.
05:31Billy.
05:33Billy.
05:34Eunice.
05:35It's been a very long drive.
05:37Where is the powder room?
05:40Oh, Mother, we don't have a powder room.
05:42We have an outhouse around the back.
05:46Benson.
05:48What is an outhouse?
05:53I think I can wait till we get home.
05:57What's that?
06:00Oh, my God, it's a cop!
06:01What is he doing here?
06:02Gonna hide.
06:05No, no, no, no, no, no.
06:06Not all of you, just me.
06:07There's a car outside.
06:08He's gonna know somebody's here.
06:09Go hide, Dutch.
06:10We'll think of something.
06:11Eunice, where are you going?
06:12He hates to hide alone.
06:14Benson, think of something.
06:23You hear you want me to get there?
06:28If you don't mind.
06:32Afternoon.
06:33Afternoon.
06:35I saw the car out there.
06:37That belong to you?
06:39Yes, yes.
06:40What's your name?
06:41Benson.
06:43Who are you?
06:45Mrs. Benson.
06:50And I'm Billy Benson.
06:58The Bensons.
06:59The Bensons.
07:00Right, right as rain.
07:01The Benson clan.
07:05So I take it, uh,
07:07you all live here, is that it?
07:08Fine, fine.
07:09Couldn't be better.
07:10Yes, good country air.
07:12Of course, I do miss the Kiwanis Club
07:13picnics from time to time.
07:16Then one must make sacrifices
07:17for one's family, mustn't one?
07:20Yeah, I guess.
07:21Son, where's my pipe?
07:24Right here, Dad.
07:25Thank you, son.
07:26Here's a quarter.
07:30What a day.
07:33What are you folks doing
07:34out here in the middle of nowhere?
07:35Why, nothing.
07:36What else would we do
07:37here in the middle of nowhere?
07:41You own this place then, huh?
07:42Yes, uh,
07:44the doctor here
07:46works so hard,
07:47we just had to have a place
07:48to get away and relax.
07:50Oh, you're a doctor.
07:52Neurosurgeon.
07:56Well, uh,
07:57I guess everything's in order.
07:58Let me give you a tip.
07:59Oh, no, you ain't gotta
08:00do nothing like that.
08:07What I meant was, uh,
08:09you see, this place here
08:10used to be the Leitner farm.
08:11Dutch Leitner, he's a killer.
08:13Escaped from prison.
08:15I'd advise you keep your windows
08:16and doors locked at night.
08:17He just might decide to return.
08:19Oh, thank you, officer.
08:20We certainly will do that,
08:21won't we, dear?
08:23Dear.
08:24Sure thing, darling.
08:25Well, I'd better be off.
08:26Yes, it's been nice having you off.
08:30You expecting company?
08:32No, no, no, no, no, no.
08:34I was just wondering
08:35why you had the two
08:36extra place settings.
08:38The twins.
08:39Sure, the twins.
08:40Candy and Randy.
08:42I don't see them.
08:44They're in the outhouse.
08:49Together,
08:50have two
08:51Siamese twins.
08:53I see, I see.
08:55Candy and Randy
08:56will be sorry to have missed you.
08:58They're both hoping
08:59someday to be a policeman.
09:02Well, uh,
09:03some other time, possibly.
09:06Now, you be sure
09:07to keep this door locked,
09:08you hear me?
09:09Yes, yes.
09:10Pop in any time.
09:11Yeah, yeah.
09:12All right.
09:13Perhaps a little longer.
09:14Toodle-oo!
09:17I'll see you later.
09:18Bye-bye.
09:19Toodle-oo!
09:24Hey, hey,
09:25you can come out now.
09:27Boy, that was close.
09:28Boy.
09:31Why don't we all
09:32sit down and eat, huh?
09:33I thought for sure
09:34he had us with the
09:35extra two place settings.
09:36Oh, oh,
09:37this line made me hungry.
09:38Me too.
09:39Hey, are we gonna
09:40wait for the twins?
09:50Okay, uh, now put butter.
09:51Okay.
09:53Now what, uh?
09:54Beat the egg yolks.
09:55I already beat the egg yolks.
09:56Well, do it again,
09:57it's lumpy.
09:58I hate it when it's lumpy.
09:59Will you just wait?
10:00What next?
10:01Uh, two tablespoons
10:02of lemon juice.
10:03Elaine loved lemon juice.
10:04Oh, boy, there he goes again.
10:05Come on, Bob,
10:06this thing's starting to boil.
10:07What next?
10:08Okay, uh,
10:09stir in the lemon juice,
10:10uh, under low heat,
10:11keep cooking,
10:12and continue cooking
10:13until thick.
10:14It was thick ten minutes ago.
10:15What do I do now?
10:16Throw it against a wall,
10:17call me a taxi,
10:18I can't eat this.
10:19I used to love
10:20to watch Elaine eat.
10:21She ate like a princess.
10:23She ate like Seattle Slough.
10:26Chuck,
10:27get Bob outta here.
10:28Well, come on, Danny,
10:29I mean, Elaine's been dead
10:30for two days.
10:31I mean, come on,
10:32you gotta get over it.
10:33Enough is enough.
10:34Life goes on.
10:36Chuck.
10:37Uh, let's eat out.
10:38Good idea.
10:39Yeah, you ruined my breakfast,
10:40you ruined my appetite,
10:41you're a real downer, Danny.
10:45Breakfast?
10:46No, thanks.
10:47Danny, I haven't eaten
10:48since the funeral.
10:49I know.
10:50You've got to eat.
10:51I keep asking myself,
10:52why?
10:53Why?
10:54To keep up your strength.
10:57No, why Elaine?
10:58Why her?
10:59Danny, that question
11:00has no answer.
11:01We all ask it.
11:02I mean, like,
11:03when my son Peter died,
11:04I said,
11:05why him, why Peter?
11:06When your father died,
11:07your mother said,
11:08why him, why Johnny?
11:09If it had been Mrs. Fogel
11:10next door who had been shot,
11:11right now Mr. Fogel
11:12would be saying,
11:13why her,
11:14why Mrs. Fogel
11:15from next door?
11:16I said, why her,
11:17why Elaine?
11:18Danny asked me
11:19if I shot her.
11:20Fogel's a jerk.
11:22Why would he think
11:23that you shot her?
11:24Because he remembers
11:25ten years ago
11:26when I killed that bird
11:27with my BB gun.
11:28That was an accident.
11:29I know, I know,
11:30but he's never forgotten it.
11:31Every time he sees me,
11:32he says,
11:33where did you kill the day, Dan?
11:35When I pull out
11:36of the driveway this morning,
11:37I'm going to run over
11:38with Sputonius.
11:39Bird, you are not.
11:40All right, so I'm not.
11:43I just can't believe it.
11:45I can't believe
11:46I'm never going to see Elaine again.
11:48Oh, Danny,
11:49there's no answer to any of it.
11:50It just hurts a lot.
11:52But eventually
11:53it'll hurt less and less.
11:54I know you'll never forget her,
11:56but someday you'll be able
11:57to think about her
11:58without hurting.
11:59It's just hard.
12:01I know.
12:02Danny, you know,
12:03doing things would help,
12:04you know, I mean,
12:05keep your mind occupied.
12:06You mean like work?
12:07Work, going out,
12:08seeing people,
12:09anything that gets you involved.
12:10Shooting BBs at Fogel.
12:12You know what I'd like to do?
12:14Well, name it.
12:15I'll do it with you
12:16if you want some company.
12:17You wouldn't want to do it.
12:18Danny, please,
12:19look another guy
12:20who'll do anything.
12:21Come on, we'll do
12:22anything you want.
12:23I want to find them.
12:24Let's go.
12:25Thanks, Bird.
12:26Find who?
12:27Who are we finding here?
12:28Them.
12:29The guys that killed Elaine.
12:30That's what you want to do today?
12:32I thought it was going to be
12:33something like bowling.
12:34Danny, the police
12:35are looking for them.
12:36It's their job.
12:37Ma, the police are looking
12:38for a lot of people,
12:39so how hard can they look?
12:40No, forget it.
12:41I want to do it myself.
12:42All right.
12:43Then I'm going with you.
12:44Keep your company.
12:45It could be very lonely looking.
12:46You sure?
12:47Absolutely.
12:48Great.
12:49I'll get my jacket.
12:50Sure.
12:51You have to talk him out of it.
12:52Mary, I can't look at him.
12:53Listen, don't worry.
12:54We'll go out for the day.
12:55We'll look around.
12:56We'll be lucky to find
12:57a parking space,
12:58let alone a killer.
12:59Don't worry.
13:00All right,
13:01but please be careful.
13:02All right.
13:04Gun?
13:05What do we need a gun for?
13:06Bert, these guys are killers.
13:07Oh, then give it to me.
13:08Let me hold it.
13:09Do you know how to handle a gun?
13:10Danny, please,
13:11do I know how to handle a gun?
13:12I was practically born
13:13with a gun in my hand.
13:14My grandfather owned
13:15a shooting gallery
13:16in Coney Island.
13:17Do I know how to handle a gun?
13:18I held a gun
13:19before I held a rifle.
13:20Before you...
13:21What happened?
13:22I heard a shot.
13:23Shot?
13:24Is that toast?
13:25Yeah.
13:26It's toast.
13:27It's toast.
13:28It's toast.
13:29It's toast.
13:30It's toast.
13:31It's toast.
13:32It's that toaster.
13:33Put a piece of rye bread in.
13:35Came out like a rooster.
13:36Didn't fit you.
13:37Didn't fit you
13:38or I'd kill somebody here.
13:54You want me to get that?
13:56Hi.
13:57Hi.
13:58Benson,
13:59I've got some bad news.
14:00About Mr. Tate?
14:01Yeah.
14:02Is he...
14:03Yeah.
14:04When?
14:05Yesterday morning.
14:06Where you going?
14:07Well,
14:08I think I'd better tell her.
14:09I'll tell her.
14:10It's better if I tell her.
14:11I've known her for a long time.
14:12Benson,
14:13I've had a lot of practice
14:14doing this.
14:15I've been doing it
14:16for a long time.
14:17I've been doing it
14:18for a long time.
14:19I've been doing it
14:20for a long time.
14:21I've been doing it
14:22for a long time.
14:23I've been doing it
14:24for a long time.
14:25I've had a lot of practice
14:26doing this.
14:27I've been doing it
14:28for years,
14:29so let me tell her.
14:30Mrs. Tate.
14:31Woo-hoo.
14:34Tate.
14:35Now break it to her gently.
14:36Just trust me.
14:37Yeah.
14:38Yes, Benson?
14:45Detective Donahue.
14:46How nice to see you.
14:48Mrs. Tate.
14:49I was just going for a walk.
14:50Oh,
14:51such a gorgeous day.
14:52Would you like to go with me?
14:55Maybe we could have a picnic.
14:57Mrs. Tate.
14:58We found this.
15:01It's Chester's.
15:02Benson, look.
15:03You remember.
15:04I gave it to Chester
15:05for Christmas.
15:06Oh, golly.
15:07Look how it's falling apart.
15:09Yes.
15:10Mock leather.
15:12I didn't know that
15:13that meant it wasn't real leather.
15:15Mrs. Tate.
15:16I mean, after all,
15:17a mock turtleneck sweater
15:18is still a sweater, right?
15:20Where did you get this?
15:21A little boy.
15:22A little boy?
15:23A little boy?
15:24The boy in the mud.
15:26Mud?
15:27The mud from the flood.
15:28There was a flood?
15:29Oh, sure.
15:30When the dam broke.
15:31A dam broke?
15:33From the weight of the bridge.
15:34The bridge?
15:35Well, the bridge collapsed
15:36when the mountain fell on it.
15:38The mountain fell down?
15:39A whole mountain?
15:40When the train blew up,
15:41it jarred the mountain.
15:43What train?
15:45The train your husband
15:46was killed on, Mrs. Tate.
15:54Mr. Tate's dead.
16:01Are you sure?
16:02You know, sometimes
16:03these things don't always...
16:04It was him.
16:05He was seen hopping a boxcar.
16:07They found his clothes
16:08in that wallet.
16:09It was him.
16:12Are you all right?
16:16Can I get you anything?
16:19I don't know what.
16:21I don't know what?
16:23Would you like to sit down?
16:27Chester?
16:29My Chester?
16:34Chester's dead?
16:39He was right.
16:41Chester was right.
16:42About what?
16:45Oh, we...
16:46We always used to argue,
16:47you know,
16:48about which one of us
16:49would die first.
16:51Chester always said to me,
16:52Jessica, I will be
16:53the first one to die.
16:54Therefore, I suggest
16:55you learn how to
16:56balance the checkbook.
17:01He was right.
17:04He went first.
17:07Benson, I don't know
17:08anything about balancing
17:09the checkbook.
17:10I don't even know
17:11where the checkbook is.
17:13I'll teach you how to
17:14balance the checkbook.
17:17Chester.
17:20How could Chester die?
17:22There's so many things
17:23he hasn't done yet.
17:26I mean,
17:27how could Chester die?
17:30Why don't you sit down?
17:32No, Benson, I can't.
17:33I mean,
17:34if I sat down now,
17:35I'm afraid I would cry.
17:38Do you want to be alone?
17:41I am alone.
17:50Oh.
17:54Oh, God, my head.
17:57Here, pal.
17:58This will fix you up.
18:00What happened to my head?
18:02You fell on it.
18:05Oh.
18:08Hoop-dee-ha.
18:13What is hoop-dee-ha?
18:15Let me see.
18:17What is hoop-dee-ha?
18:19Well, an amusing
18:20domestic chablis.
18:22Goes with anything.
18:27Where am I?
18:28Who are you?
18:29Toledo.
18:30A hobo.
18:34What am I doing in Toledo?
18:37I've asked myself that
18:38on numerous occasions.
18:40I seem to remember
18:41being on a train.
18:43Right.
18:44What happened?
18:45Somebody tossed you out of a boxcar.
18:46That's right.
18:48My clothes.
18:49He stole my clothes.
18:50My new suit.
18:53These are not my clothes.
18:55My wallet.
18:57Oh, my money.
18:59I never carry cash anymore.
19:02Well, what happened to him?
19:04Where's the train?
19:06Poof.
19:07Poof?
19:08That was a $400 suit.
19:10Poof?
19:12Wait a minute.
19:13How do I know that?
19:15I remember.
19:17I remember.
19:19Oh, I remember.
19:21I remember.
19:22It must have been some suit.
19:25My watch.
19:26He didn't take it.
19:27Oh, I still have my memory
19:29and my watch
19:30and my family.
19:31Oh, yes.
19:32A wonderful family.
19:34I must have a family.
19:35I'm sure of it.
19:36I'm sure of it.
19:37Oh, life.
19:38Life, I love you.
19:39Oh, life.
19:41Life can be beautiful.
19:43Life
19:44can also be a headache.
19:46Ow.
20:00Who am I?
20:10Will Danny and Bert find Elaine's kidnappers?
20:12Will Dutch and Eunice find out
20:13that the police have found out
20:14where they're hiding?
20:15Will Bert find out
20:16what Sally is up to?
20:18Will Jessica ever find out
20:19Chester is alive?
20:21Will Chester find out who he is?
20:23Find the answers to these
20:24and many other questions
20:25during the next episode of
20:26Soap.
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