Frasier Season 5 Episode 7 My Fair Frasier
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00:00Oh, good morning, Ross.
00:01Hey, Frasier.
00:02For you.
00:03Oh.
00:04A little token of thanks.
00:06After you cut those new promos,
00:08Dr. Frank on KTLK practically vanished from the radio.
00:14I know I'm not very good at picking out gifts for people usually,
00:16but when I saw this in the window, I knew it was perfect for you.
00:24Well, maybe I should have gone with the shawl.
00:28No, it's not the purse.
00:29Although I do hate it.
00:34I don't even know why I'm crying.
00:36Oh, Ross.
00:38It's the pregnancy.
00:41A soup of hormones churns through your body,
00:43and naturally your emotions are rising and falling at the slightest provocation.
00:48That's idiotic.
00:51Oh, all right, all right.
00:52Is there something else going on?
00:54Last night was a disaster.
00:57Oh, right.
00:58Your date.
00:59Yes, everything was going fine until he tried to order me a drink,
01:03but then I told him I was pregnant.
01:05You didn't tell him you were pregnant before the date?
01:08Well, that's not the easiest thing in the world to tell someone.
01:12Besides, I was hoping my radiant glow would do the talking for me.
01:18Your glow.
01:19Oh, please, Ross.
01:20Do you really think that anyone could miss your glow?
01:25So, I tell him, and he says,
01:27Fine, it's not a problem.
01:30Five minutes later, he tells me his pager is vibrating.
01:33He has an emergency.
01:34He has to go to work.
01:36Well, maybe he was telling the truth.
01:37He sells wicker furniture.
01:41He needs their end tables recaned at 9.30 at night.
01:49Oh, Ross.
01:51Oh, Ross.
01:54Oh, God, Ross.
01:55Look, I owe you an apology, Ross.
01:57It's not the hormones.
01:59You're embarking on a tremendous life-changing journey.
02:02Now, naturally, anybody would be emotional.
02:05For what it's worth, I think you're handling it beautifully.
02:09Oh, thanks, Frank.
02:11Yeah.
02:14I'm fine.
02:15I just need to go back to work.
02:16Right.
02:20My God, my pen is out of ink!
02:25Well, let's not discount the hormones altogether.
02:34Hello.
02:35I'd like to return this purse.
02:39Oh, I'm terribly sorry, but this was a sale item,
02:43and we have a no-return policy.
02:45Your wife didn't like it.
02:47Well, I'm not married at the moment.
02:49Girlfriend?
02:50No, no, no girlfriend either.
02:52And frankly, I don't have time to go into all my other non-existent relationships.
02:55It was a gift for a friend.
02:57Ah.
02:59Well, perhaps your friend would like to make it work with some matching shoes.
03:05We have up to size 13.
03:09This really was a gift,
03:11and I would thank you when you say they were a friend not to italicize it.
03:16Excuse me, sir.
03:19I couldn't help overhearing.
03:21May I help you out here?
03:23If you hold her down, I can do the rest.
03:27Well, hopefully that won't be necessary.
03:33Look, Jill, we're all reasonable people here.
03:38Why don't you just give this nice gentleman a store credit?
03:41Look, I don't make the rules.
03:44Yes, but a shrewd saleswoman such as yourself knows that this business isn't about rules.
03:52It's about relationships.
03:55Now, look at this man.
03:56Cultured, impeccably dressed, well-to-do.
03:59Exactly the sort of man you'd love to have a relationship with.
04:03Now, there's only one thing standing in the way of that relationship, Jill.
04:07He's not happy with his purse.
04:09It's not my purse.
04:12Maybe his purse was the wrong color.
04:15Maybe it didn't hold enough.
04:17It's not my purse.
04:19Now, the point is, if this man walks away today unhappy, he may never shop here again,
04:24and who knows what he might have bought in the future?
04:27Scarves, gloves, hosiery?
04:31Now, the choice is yours, Jill.
04:35The commissions that come from a lifelong relationship
04:39or the hollow satisfaction of knowing you followed the rules.
04:47Okay.
04:48I'll go get the forms.
04:53Thank you. That was very impressive.
04:56Oh, well, you should see me return something hard, like a house or a kidney.
05:03You see, the secret is persistence.
05:05Ah, I'm Fraser Crane.
05:07Oh, Samantha Pierce. Sam.
05:09Hi.
05:10Are you Dr. Fraser Crane?
05:12Yes, I am.
05:13Oh, I thought your voice sounded familiar,
05:16though for a while there I thought you were the white zones for loading and unloading only guy.
05:22No, I get that a lot.
05:25Sam, listen, may I thank you by taking you to dinner tonight?
05:30Oh, well, that's very sweet of you, but I was really just trying to be a good Samaritan.
05:36Thanks, anyway.
05:37Oh, no, thank you.
05:39Bye.
05:40Bye.
05:42Oh, Sam.
05:43Okay, I'd love to go to dinner.
05:46Oh, that's wonderful.
05:48You see, persistence pays off.
05:50Well, actually, I was going to ask you to get my parking validated, but this works out very well, too.
06:06What are you doing?
06:07Just watching football with him.
06:12What's the score?
06:1327-20.
06:14Oh, great.
06:17Want to know who's winning?
06:18Not particularly, no.
06:21Well, someone has a special evening planned.
06:24As a matter of fact, I do.
06:25What tipped you off?
06:26My incredible self-confident air?
06:29No, I don't think so.
06:31What tipped you off?
06:32My incredible self-confident air?
06:35No, your silver collar pin.
06:37You only wear it when you've got a hot date.
06:40Good work getting all the tarnish off.
06:42He shined up quite nicely.
06:47Evening, Dr. Crane.
06:48Hello, Daphne.
06:49Dad, Frasier.
06:50Miles.
06:51You gentlemen ready to go?
06:52Give me a minute.
06:53Well, actually, Miles, I can't make it to the boat show with you and Dad this evening.
06:58It'll just be the two of you.
06:59Oh, too bad.
07:01Well, maybe some other time.
07:03Yeah.
07:04Goodness, it is a clear night.
07:06Ah, yes, yes.
07:09You know, it's been rather windy lately.
07:11Just look at those stars.
07:13Uh-huh.
07:14Is that Orion?
07:15Yes, I believe it is.
07:16Uh-huh.
07:17What the hell are you doing?
07:18We have a mutual support pact.
07:20Whenever there's a Dad event, we're there for each other.
07:23Miles, I have a date with a spectacular woman.
07:26So what?
07:27So what?
07:28I give up Traviata tickets to support you at a tractor pull.
07:33Miles, I thought maybe we could stop at that medieval restaurant for dinner.
07:37Oh, sounds great, Dad.
07:43Daphne, would you be interested in using my ticket for the boat show tonight?
07:47Oh, yes, that would be nice.
07:51Very crafty.
07:53So, who's the lucky lady?
07:55Well, her name is Samantha Pierce.
07:58We just met yesterday.
08:00She recognized me from my radio show.
08:03You know, in fact, when I asked her out,
08:07I sensed a bit of shyness,
08:10which made me wonder if she was perhaps intimidated by my fame.
08:14Did you say Samantha Pierce?
08:16Yeah, Dad.
08:17Short, blonde hair, blue eyes.
08:19Right, how would you know that?
08:20She's on Larry King.
08:24We're here with noted attorney Samantha Pierce.
08:27She's in Los Angeles to appear with us.
08:29Currently, she's trying a case in Seattle
08:32defending the butcher knife killer.
08:35Now, Sam, I have to ask you this.
08:37Don't you think being in the public eye,
08:39dating some of the world's most famous men,
08:42affects the way jurors perceive you?
08:45Now, that's not really fair, Larry.
08:47I don't date public figures.
08:50What about the much-publicized relationship with Kevin Costner?
08:55Oh, that's just a rumor.
08:57George Stephanopoulos.
08:59It's just a rumor, too.
09:01Brad Pitt is another rumor.
09:03Yeah, but I started that one.
09:09I can certainly see how she'd be intimidated by your fame.
09:17She's, you know, I thought her name sounded familiar.
09:20I must have read it in the newspaper.
09:22Congratulations, Frey.
09:24You're playing in the big leagues now.
09:28Kevin Costner, Stephanopoulos, you.
09:36Don't let him shake your confidence.
09:38You'll be fine.
09:39Maybe she's had her fill of attractive men
09:42and is ready for a change.
09:45Aren't I lucky?
09:47Normally, a forest troll like me has to trick a woman to get a date.
09:51No.
09:53All I'm saying is,
09:55I once dated a man who had gone out
09:57with several of the top British actresses,
10:00but got sick of their vanity and insecurity.
10:03Oh, there, you see.
10:05It does happen.
10:07Of course, after he got through slumming,
10:09he didn't want to get married.
10:11It does happen.
10:13Of course, after he got through slumming,
10:15he dumped me and went back to actresses.
10:18He didn't get me an autographed picture of Helena Bonham Carter.
10:22She's riding a pony.
10:33So, Teddy Kennedy, Henry Kissinger and the Dalai Lama
10:37are all on this plane.
10:38Wait, wait, I think I've heard this joke.
10:40This really happened to me about a month ago.
10:45Well, don't I feel silly?
10:50Never mind, it's not a very good story anyway.
10:55So, how's your appetizer?
10:57Oh, delicious.
11:04Your salad?
11:05It was very good.
11:07I see, I haven't even tried it yet.
11:13Oh, I was right.
11:21I hope this doesn't offend you,
11:23but I've had the most stressful day
11:25and I really didn't have the energy to make a lot of small talk.
11:29Plus, I'm not very hungry.
11:31Would you mind terribly if I just...
11:33Look, I think I know where this is headed.
11:36You don't have to say it.
11:37Frasier, could we just go someplace and have sex?
11:45Well, that you did have to say.
11:49I'm sorry, that sounded forward.
11:52But it's the only thing I really want to do right now.
11:57Well, I'm... I'm flattered
12:00and the thought is very tempting.
12:05But you see, on my show I'm constantly preaching
12:07that people should get to know one another
12:10and have things in common before taking that kind of step.
12:17What's your favourite colour?
12:19Blue.
12:20Mine too. Check, please.
12:29Ahoy there, mateys.
12:31How was the boat trip?
12:32Oh, it was wonderful.
12:33Yeah, they had this one great exhibit
12:35where you climb into this boat,
12:37you put on a life jacket
12:39and they simulate what it's like to be caught out at sea in a hurricane.
12:51Good Lord, Miles.
12:53Why did you ever agree to go on a ride like that?
12:56I didn't. I dined at the snack bar.
13:03Well, I guess this wasn't a very hot night for you, huh?
13:07Home by 10.30?
13:09Found my bra!
13:15Oh, well, this is a little embarrassing.
13:19Oh, not at all, not at all.
13:20Sam, this is my brother, Dr. Niles Crane,
13:23my father, Martin Crane,
13:25and his health care worker, Daphne Moon.
13:27Hello.
13:28Yeah, I've been watching the trial on TV.
13:31It's fascinating.
13:32Oh, for us, too.
13:36Well, I'd better get going. I have an early morning.
13:39Right.
13:40It was lovely meeting all of you.
13:41Yeah, you too.
13:42Bye.
13:45I had a wonderful evening.
13:48Bye.
13:51Good night.
14:02Well, I'm off to bed.
14:03Oh, no, no, no. Not so fast, mister.
14:07I can tell by that goofy smile of yours
14:10that you're obviously smitten with this woman.
14:12Thank you, Niles, but I am not some dewy-eyed teenager.
14:19She did say the cutest thing.
14:23She said murderers often show no remorse for their actions
14:27because they have no moral center.
14:32It was cute the way she said it.
14:40All right, now, I want you to taste this.
14:43Tell me what you think.
14:46Mmm.
14:48That is spectacular.
14:50Where did you learn how to do that?
14:52Just a little something I picked up as a child at sauce camp.
14:56Hello?
14:58What?
15:00When did this happen?
15:02Well, because we're expected to give full disclosure.
15:05Can't Brendan handle it?
15:08Oh, all right.
15:12Well, I suppose you know what I'm about to say.
15:15You want to skip dinner again and go straight to sleep?
15:18No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
15:22What did you say?
15:24You want to skip dinner again and go straight to sex?
15:30I'm sorry, Frasier.
15:32I really am.
15:34And you went to all this trouble.
15:36It's all right.
15:38You know fine French cooking.
15:40It's always better after a night in the fridge.
15:45Don't worry.
15:47We'll just get back to get our umbrellas and we'll leave it.
15:49No, no, no, stay, stay.
15:51I've been called back to work.
15:53It'd be a shame to let a good meal go to waste.
15:56Frasier's morel mushroom and tarragon sauce.
15:59How did you know that?
16:01Niles has always been able to identify a sauce from a great distance.
16:06His mother and I were so proud.
16:13Well, if it's not too late, maybe I'll be able to come back over after.
16:18Either way, I'll call you.
16:20Well, that's what you said yesterday, but you forgot.
16:23I told you I was sorry about that.
16:25I promise.
16:27Au revoir.
16:35What a shame. And after you cooked that lovely meal.
16:38Yes, let me tell you something.
16:40Crown roast did not prepare itself.
16:46You know, it's funny.
16:49As much as I care for this woman,
16:51something about this relationship that leaves me
16:54vaguely unsettled.
16:58I might venture a theory at which you are sure to hoot.
17:05What may be making you uncomfortable is that
17:08for the first time you find yourself in the more
17:11submissive role.
17:13What on God's earth are you talking about?
17:17I think what he means is you're the girl.
17:24Well, think about it.
17:26How did you two first meet?
17:28She came to your rescue.
17:30Who initiated the first sexual encounter?
17:32She did.
17:33She did?
17:34For God's sake, who's wearing the pants in this relationship?
17:38My point exactly.
17:39Oh, fine.
17:40Look, as much fun as it must be for you three to spin out this little theory,
17:43it's entirely without foundation.
17:45Dear God, there's my rosemary prayer.
17:53Look, if it's any consolation,
17:56I know what you're going through.
17:58Women have been putting up with it for generations.
18:01Men say they'll call and they don't,
18:04or you get a few nice dinners and then the eventual booty call.
18:10I did not get a booty call.
18:15What's a booty call?
18:17It's a late-night call inviting you to meet,
18:20but with the true goal of just having sex.
18:23Oh, God, I did get a booty call.
18:26You know, Frazier, if you ask me,
18:28you should nip this thing in the bud before it gets out of hand.
18:32I don't think we have to look beyond our own family
18:35to find an example of someone who let a woman run the show from the beginning
18:40and has been paying for it ever since.
18:43Poor Uncle Frank.
18:49I can see I'm wasting my time finding you people.
18:52You can take the tiniest detail from my relationship with Sam
18:55and twist it to support your ridiculous theory.
18:59I saw a guy on the street selling these.
19:01I thought they might cheer you up.
19:03Oh, Sam, they're beautiful.
19:07You want some?
19:08Oh, really got to run.
19:14Oh, I suppose now you're going to read something into this.
19:25Oh, God, I really love that tie.
19:28Oh, well, you should. You sent it to me.
19:31Oh, yeah, right.
19:35You had your secretary pick it out, didn't you?
19:37Yes, but only because he has better taste than I do.
19:41Don't worry about tonight, Frasier.
19:43I know how boring these lawyer parties always are,
19:46and I promise you we won't stay a minute longer than we have to.
19:49Sam!
19:50Oh, oh, Frasier, I'd like you to meet our senior partner, Daniel Gill.
19:54Oh, hi, how are you?
19:55Sam, they're ready for us on that conference call.
19:58Oh, right, yes.
19:59Well, just take a minute.
20:02You're new.
20:04Oh, I'm, I'm Frasier.
20:06I'm Jennifer, Stuart's wife.
20:08Hello.
20:09This is Cindy Dulce, she's married to Bob.
20:12Nice to meet you.
20:13Terry Bailey, she's living with Ed.
20:15Hello, Terry.
20:16And Vanessa St. Clair, soon to be Mrs. Irving Lempowski.
20:21Well, good heavens.
20:22Oh, I'm glad to see you.
20:24Oh, I'm glad to see you, too.
20:26Ed St. Clair, soon to be Mrs. Irving Lempowski.
20:30Well, good heavens.
20:32So, how long have you and Sam been seeing each other?
20:36Well, actually, just about three weeks.
20:38We haven't really been able to get much time together,
20:41but she assures me that'll all change as soon as the trial...
20:43The trial's over.
20:50Oh, there's always another trial.
20:53But you'll get used to the life.
20:55Dates getting canceled, dinners left uneaten,
20:58but at least you'll get sent plenty of flowers.
21:02Oh, Jennifer.
21:04He's a man.
21:05He won't get flowers.
21:10Oh, Sam, Sam, could I have a word with you in private?
21:14Sure.
21:18Is there something wrong?
21:20Well, I know it's not the best time to bring this up,
21:23but lately I've been feeling an uneasiness about this relationship.
21:27What do you mean?
21:28Well, look, I'm not one to get bogged down in male-female role-playing.
21:34It's just that lately...
21:38Well, take our first date.
21:42We'd barely begun dinner
21:43when you suggested that we run off and go to bed together.
21:47Traditionally, that is...
21:50Well, every man's dream.
21:52Okay, bad example.
21:57But then there's the way that you...
21:59You cancel dates all the time,
22:01and you say you'll call and you don't call,
22:04and then you have your secretary send me a gift,
22:06and then when I get upset about it,
22:08you think you can buy me off with flowers.
22:12Is that it?
22:14That's what you dragged me out here for?
22:17I'm in the middle of the most intense case of my entire career.
22:21A man's life hangs in the balance,
22:23and you're whining about flowers?
22:25Well, I think whining's a little strong.
22:29Well, tell me what you mean, Fraser.
22:31I mean, if you're the one who has to work late hours
22:34and is breaking all the dates
22:36and is sending flowers and gifts, would that be okay?
22:38No, no, that's not... No, I...
22:40Well, good God, you're a psychiatrist.
22:43Shouldn't you be above all of this?
22:45Look, I'm just telling you how I feel.
22:47Now you're yelling at me.
22:49Well, just tell me what you want, Fraser.
22:51Do you want to be the traditional man
22:53and I'll be the put-upon woman?
22:55No, no, that's not what I want.
23:00I just wish we could have a relationship
23:03where neither one of us is the man.
23:07So that would make us what?
23:11A lesbian couple?
23:13Well, they're very in now.
23:19Oh, dear, I...
23:21I know no one likes being stood up.
23:24I'll try to be more understanding.
23:27And I'll...
23:29I'll try to stop being so damn emotional.
23:35You know, I'm glad we had this little talk
23:37because I was about to make a very important decision.
23:41I was about to make a very big mistake.
23:44What?
23:46Well, the other day, when we were in the store,
23:49you mentioned that you like something
23:51and, well, typical me, I just ran right out and bought it.
23:55Oh, well, certainly dodged a bullet there, didn't we?
23:59So, what was it?
24:04This.
24:07And you bought this for me?
24:11You know, I'm really rather embarrassed, Frasier.
24:16You were right.
24:19I take relationships for granted
24:22and then I just run right off to Cartier
24:24and buy an expensive gift to make up for it.
24:27Cartier? Oh, good.
24:29No, I'll return it, I promise.
24:31I know how strong you feel.
24:33Well, you know, maybe I've just been a bit self-absorbed lately.
24:38I'm the kind of person who likes to express their affection
24:44by buying gifts.
24:46I mean, you know, who am I to stand in your way?
24:49So...
24:52All right.
24:55It's lovely.
24:57Wow.
24:59No, Frasier, I...
25:01You know about the gifts.
25:03I just give gifts because I...
25:05Well, I can never think of the right words.
25:07Is this what you're trying to say?
25:18Very well put.
25:23Well, when you say we get out of here, I'll go get our coats.
25:26No, no. I will get our coats.
25:29We'll get our coats.
25:30You don't know where they are.
25:32Oh, all right, you get them.
25:38I'm so bored. What time is it?
25:41Time? Well, let's just have a look.
25:44Oh, my God.
25:46Isn't that fabulous? It's Cartier.
25:49It's the Sam Givens we just heard.
26:19Good night, Seattle! We love you!